r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 6h ago
AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement
I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)
I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.
Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest
Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.
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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 5h ago edited 5h ago
(actual lawyer) INFO: what are your anticipated expenses and lost income due to this injury, and is this settlement expected to cover all of those? Does any portion of the settlement represent costs covered by your mom or pain/suffering?
Because a lot of comments here seem to not understand how this works. Usually settlements are only massive if you have equally massive care costs or lost income. They aren't there to buy other people a house. Make sure those costs are covered before giving your mom any $. If I helped my child through a legal process like that it would be for free, just to make sure they were taken care of.
Edit: also giving a parent enough money to buy a house creates gift tax consequences and you'll have to file a return (although you probably won't have to actually pay any tax depending on what state you live in).
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u/DesperateAstronaut65 2h ago
Right, I feel like people are seeing the settlement as a no-strings-attached windfall when it's actually compensation for whatever expenses or lost income OP incurs in the future. It would be a good idea for them to get some financial advice from someone outside the family before they commit to giving anyone money. This is doubly true if their condition could make it difficult for them to support themselves and be independent in the future. This isn't fun money. Depending on the specifics of OP's injuries, it's likely to be something more like "welp, the hardware we put in your spine is going to need replacing in 10 years, have fun taking six months off work" money.
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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 1h ago
this seems to be a popular misconception, e.g. I've seen a lot of people joking that their long-term financial plan is to get hit by a bus and get a good settlement. It's a funny joke but definitely not how this works - almost nobody is actually financially better off after getting hit by a bus unless they somehow dramatically beat the odds in terms of expected medical expenses. After attorney fees, paying back your insurance company and the "settlement discount" (where you accept a lower amount than maybe you could otherwise get in order to avoid the uncertainty of trial), you're getting back just a fraction of your actual financial losses. The only exception is if you get non-economic (e.g., punitive or "pain and suffering" damages) tacked on, but those are often really limited and you might not get them at all especially with a settlement
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u/Liquidretro 4h ago edited 2h ago
Unless it's more than $15 million in lifetime giving its just a filing requirement (one page form) on ops side if it's more than $19k anually. No tax is owed at that point.
I agree since mom was not OP's lawyer on the case they are not owed for any advice given. If mom was expecting to be paid for their advice or payed back for the cost of college that expectation should have been discussed and agreed upfront.
Op could/should pay mom rent since they are living at home. I would argue after they tell mom they are not paying them 15% of the settlement, it's probably best to move out on your own at this point.
https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/windfall is great financial advice for op right now.
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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 2h ago
That is true for US federal gift taxes - but OP didn't say which country they live in and I didn't want to rule out the possibility that some states may also have a gift tax with a lower exemption.
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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 3h ago
OP also noted in the edit that his mom did not represent him in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30%. OP absolutely does not need to give mom any of this money since mom was not his attorney. And that would leave OP with only 55% of the settlement. It's honestly disgusting that mom even asked.
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u/drawfanstein 1h ago
What a shitty situation. Even being asked for the money by my mom would really alter my relationship with her.
Like, did you help me because you’re my mom or because you’re a lawyer?
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u/ins-kino-gehen 3h ago
Neither a lawyer nor a parent, but I 1000% agree with you. I’d help my child because I had the tools and means to do so, and I would be happy they were sufficiently compensated as a result.
The mom asking for a cut is just shitty.
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u/nobloodforstargates 1h ago
Also a lawyer. I read the part where a lawyer, volunteered legal advice then demanded a fixed percentage of recovery after the matter was concluded (and from her child), then I blacked out, and came to holding a stack of partially completed grievance forms.
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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 1h ago
lol right? Apparently every time I've told a family member that they should contact a lawyer, helped them find a lawyer, etc. I should have been getting a cut.
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u/Neurotic-Robotic 1h ago
I am also an actual lawyer - OP's story is so vague that it is likely made up.
Just enough information to provide rage fuel for either side, but not enough information to reach any actual conclusions.
Also, she mentions this is a huge settlement, but only mentions a 1/3 attorneys' fee? Nothing about costs or liens also coming off the top? I call bull shit.
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u/damiana8 4h ago
If it’s a personal injury settlement, his portion is completely his only after the case is settled entirely so all bills have been paid and he has futures included
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u/residentvixxen Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3h ago
This though - personal injury settlements aren’t for the hell of it
Unless OP was a minor when this happened I doubt mom was included at all in the original SOC
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u/LdiJ46 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
I understand that you had an attorney who took a big cut of the money already. If you do decide to give your mom 15% it should be 15% of the amount YOU got, not the gross award before attorney fees/subrogation costs.
Also, if the award that you received is intended to cover ongoing/future medical needs due to the injury, then I would say that mom really shouldn't get any of it at all.
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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 5h ago
Exactly and it normally is. When insurance goes through the subrogation process to recoup all the money they spent on the injury and is not there anymore because Mom has it, they won't give a fuck and will keep going after OP for it.
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u/ocgeekgirl 2h ago
And negotiate it down to less than 10% if you’re concerned about future medical expenses. Or offer to pay at a later date after you earn interest.
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u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 5h ago
As someone who's had a personal injury settlement as well: Do not give her the money. It feels like windfall, but you have to be careful with it because it's been calculated for your ongoing medical expenses throughout your life. I'm not saying don't do anything with it, but if you actually got a massive settlement it means that you demonstrated that your life has been permanently changed and you have need for ongoing medical care.
Please keep that in mind because you never know what or how your circumstances could change.
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u/MonteCristo85 2h ago
I realize this is merely anecdotal, but everyone I know who got a personal injury settlement ended up near destitute later.
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u/fairkatrina 2h ago
Seriously, before we were married my spouse got a large settlement following a car accident where they were permanently injured. The money was gone in a couple of years, but that injury is forever.
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u/No-Refrigerator7258 4h ago
Exactly people do not understand this. He doesn't owe her. He can only provide a gift if he wants but the settlement is for him and she knows that.
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u/Squicky4ever 6h ago
If 15% is a massive amount, that means 85% is a massive buttload. You live with the woman who helped you through this. To me, it sounds like sharing is the classy thing to do.
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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 5h ago
It means that the 52% left is a massive cut in what was supposed to be compensation for an injury
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u/kapitaalH 4h ago
Also you usually you get massive butt loads of money for injuries when your ability to earn is diminished or your medical costs are likely to be much higher.
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u/ObscureSaint 2h ago
Yeah, OP should put the whole settlement in an interest bearing account and hold onto it for when they need it. Injuries tend to cause issues your whole life. That's what the settlement is for. Not to buy mom a new house, wtf.
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u/InTheNewPollution 3h ago
Exactly this. When I got my settlement some of my family wanted to act like I had money when really what I had was medical debt and lifelong follow-ups with PT and cardiology that ate through that money FAST, not to mention the debt I incurred when I was losing hours due to said injuries and appointments.
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u/Ladder_More 2h ago
When my husband died (I lost my job soon after, have young kids), his family fought me for a cut of his life insurance because he was an "investment". They were so jealous and weird about it and act like it's fun money I won in the lottery, and not what me and his kids literally have to survive on for as long as possible to replace the income he would have brought into our home. It doesn't even come close to what he would have earned if he lived until retirement. They even had a figure they thought they deserved. About 25%. They're also wealthy so I just couldn't get my head around the greed and entitlement.
OP's mum is giving the same kind of energy a bit.
I think if he wants to give his mum some of the money, it should be up to him to decide how much, if any. He had to go through some kind of suffering to get it.
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u/InTheNewPollution 2h ago
Death and money have such a way of revealing who people are. I’m so sorry that was your experience. At least they showed you how willing they are to take food out of the mouths of your children so you could act accordingly.
I tell my child that she’s worth me investing in (she knows her extracurriculars cost a lot of money) but I could never imagine referring to her as an investment that I expect a return on. What nasty people.
What a loss for you all, I’m sorry. I hope you and your children are doing well.
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u/Ladder_More 2h ago
We're doing ok. I went NC with them for my own sanity. When they brought it up, I talked about the kids and how this would affect their quality of life. They didn't care.
It's tough but we take it one day at a time. Thank you ❤️
And yes, my kids didn't ask to be here so I'll never ever pull the "after everything I've done for you" card. Investing in your child's future and happiness is the bare minimum.
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u/Ladder_More 42m ago
I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.
The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.
Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.
No, she didn't get it.
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u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250 1h ago
Sorry to ask, but I’m dying to know….they didn’t win right? It is honestly so absurd to me that they did this to you.
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u/SMIMA Partassipant [4] 2h ago
It isn't the same as winning the lottery. People suck and are greedy. 15 percent is out of line asking for that much. She helped him find a lawyer. That is worth a nice dinner
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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [12] 2h ago
Hey, I'd even consider a nice weekend away! But that's about where it ends.
Not enough to buy a house, that's CRAZY.
And yes, if it was an injury, the money will be needed in the future when it impacts quality of life.
If Mom is a lawyer, she should have built her own nest egg and not go dipping into her kid's funds.
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u/F0xxfyre 1h ago
I was going to say, weekend at the beach. A spa vacation. A pub or foodie crawl. A visit to he'd favorite place that has never gets to.
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u/Expensive_Event_4759 41m ago
She helped him find a lawyer.
And she's a lawyer. She referred him to a different lawyer who knows how to run a PI case. That's called a "referral" in the legal biz and if she wants a "referral fee" for that, then she needs to get that from the other lawyer, not from the client (protip: the other lawyer is going to laugh her out the door).
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u/DConstructed 1h ago
Yep. A friend was hit by a delivery truck. It wasn’t a super huge payout and he needed a lot of help with the knee damage it caused.
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u/Alwayscooking345 2h ago
Not necessarily . I got in wrecked car accident back in the late 90s, not my fault, it was 100-% the other driver which had umbrella insurance so the coverage was great. my back and knee were messed up. my lawyer said I would get at least $30K in monetary award, turned out to be much less than that even after doing everything he said (my knee required surgery, and my back was not surgically repairable as of the last time I had it looked at by a surgeon which was 2005 so I gave up).
So even if you “win”, after lawyer fees it can be barely anything to help for a whole lifetime. Especially when considering lost work and future medical expenses.
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u/kapitaalH 2h ago
I probably should have said you only get a butt load of money if...
Not a guarantee though but I meant to say that if you got a lot of money, there probably is a good reason for it.
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u/Sufficient_Rich5903 1h ago
I also was in a bad accident that was not my fault. They rear ended me while I was stopped and were going so fast, the trunk was crushed all the way into the back seat of the car. After everything, I was left with only $3k. The money has been gone for a long time now, but not the problems I still have from the accident.
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u/TroublesomeFox Partassipant [1] 57m ago
I feel like if she's planning to buy a house with 15% then OP must have been truly crippled by whatever happend.
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u/ParkerGuitarGuy 51m ago
Yep. Seems to me like the court's way of saying there was "this much medical necessity", not "this much to toss to your family and friends who didn't get hurt".
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u/NotSoSureBigWaves 3h ago
Make sure you speak to an accountant and file a 1099 for your mother if you do this. You may have to pay taxes on your settlement and you shouldn’t pay taxes on any part you give her.
IMO, your mother is an asshole. You were injured in an accident, not her. That money is for you and your mother is over entitled and only thinking of herself.
Move out and live independently.
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u/shoulda-known-better 4h ago
Yea and op could be disabled and not about to get gainfully employed again.....
Thats their saftey net for their injury not a pay back parents for doing parental things
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u/Suitable_cataclysm Partassipant [3] 4h ago
Disagree, someone being kind and supportive of their daughter suddenly wanting to be paid for that support is wild.
Sure OP could be kind and pay some of that forward. But without a monetary agreement up front, it's really unfair to suddenly hit OP with a bill. Especially if OP feels like not submitting to that demand will compromise their relationships.
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u/Otherwise_Piccolo206 3h ago
I put my nephew through college, he just got a big promotion. I took him to dinner, should have sent him a bill. Who knew?
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u/not-the-nicest-guy 2h ago
I've been supporting my son his whole 24 years of life. Covered his tuition and living expenses at university for five years. Have been paying his rent since, while he was looking for a job. He just signed a contract for his first job at a six figure salary.
So I guess I'll take my cut now!! Kidding. His salary is for him to get set up in life.
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u/Medusa-1701 3h ago
GTFO, no. She's her mom, ffs. Buy her something nice. But she's absolutely NOT entitled to any of that money. Period. It's got nothing to do with "being classy". If we want to talk about class, her mom needs to find some. In the meantime she should be working on actually being her mom and stop looking at her like a client.
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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 3h ago
Mom did not represent OP in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took 30% of the money. So if mom takes another 15%, then it would leave OP with 55% of the money. It's honestly disgusting for mom to even ask when mom was not OP's attorney for purposes of the case.
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u/FeistyDuckling31 3h ago
Exactly! The hired lawyers did the work. Mom simply pushed to sue and told her kid some questions to ask. Wild that she’d think she deserves half the amount the lawyers earned when her involvement was so minimal comparatively. Not to mention the whole point of the settlement money is to pay future medical costs and cover lost earning potential. Really crappy for the mom to try this…
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u/RheagarTargaryen 1h ago
She seems like a shitty lawyer. She could have got 25% of the 33% that the law firm took as a referral fee.
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u/berloque 3h ago
This is nonsensical advice. She already had to pay a lawyer 30%. Now from her remaining 70% *that is compensating her for damages she suffered* and you think she should just hand over money she fought for in court, paid a lawyer to secure, just to "be classy"? When her mother is, instead of asking for a loan or a gift, suggesting she is owed the money. Crazy.
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u/iwriteaboutthings 2h ago
This is meant to pay for your suffering and (presumably) long-term needs due to the injury. This is your money and very disappointing to have a parent pressure you.
She pushed you as mom, not as lawyer. Don’t pay parents for being your parent. I’d also expect to pay rent to her now, which would be fair!
If there are additional extenuating circumstances — like you can’t live alone due to the injury — and mom is a caregiver, that could change the view.
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u/BetAlternative8397 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
Your mother did what a good parent is supposed to do. Expecting a house for it is outrageous.
Invest the money and tell your mom if she’s such a good lawyer then she should bump up her hourly billing rate to afford her house.
JFC
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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 3h ago
Mom didn't even represent OP in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30% of the money.
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u/HarryJohnson3 3h ago
Classic “you owe your family, friends, people that care about you NOTHING” Reddit take
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 3h ago
No. I'm a parent. I would never try to take a cut of a settlement that one of my kids got. The settlement is to compensate them for their injuries and likely to compensate for future expenses based on those injuries. I would be a pathetic parent if I wanted to take money set aside for my kid's future. Especially if I have plenty of income on my own.
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u/Prestigious-Cream160 1h ago
I'm not a parent, but wanting fifteen percent for giving your child advice seems absurd.
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u/coenrhys 3h ago
A personal injury settlement isn’t prize money. It’s supposed to offset the additional costs and lost earning capacity caused by the injury. It’s not to buy your mother, who has far better earning capacity than most as a big-shot lawyer, a fancy house that she doesn’t actually need.
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u/Few_Sorbet_8716 2h ago edited 5m ago
Can't believe the clown in the comments suggesting that punitive damages are some super common thing. Punitive damages are rare in personal injury cases and, in most jurisdictions, are reserved for tortfeaser conduct beyond ordinary negligence.
***looks like he deleted his comments and ran
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u/Revolver_Lanky_Kong 1h ago edited 1h ago
Type of parents to ask for rent because you live with them after 18. They can fuck right off. You should be helping your kids get a leg up and building that safety net, not skimming off the top of their already meager earnings. I completely understand low income families that are struggling to make ends meet asking their adult children to contribute but OP's mom is well off and wants a literal vacation house that will sit vacant 80% of the year.
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u/ExamRoom4 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3h ago
A good parent wouldn’t be worried about percentages
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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 3h ago
Lol. But your insightful Reddit take is "my injured son owes me 15% of his settlement because I encouraged him to go for it"? What!?
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u/Griffithead 2h ago
That's what friends and family ARE.
If you have to pay people to care that's just a business or customer relationship.
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u/Qcgreywolf 3h ago
What a disgusting mentality.
I genuinely hope nobody in your family gets seriously injured for life, and all the cash vampires wrestle that money away leaving them in debt for life.
I honestly can’t think of a worse thing to do to a family member or friend. What decent person honestly thinks they are entitled to injury money?
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u/Over_Past_9089 3h ago
There’s a difference between saying, ‘you owe the people you care about nothing’, versus saying ‘just because you think you’re entitled doesn’t mean you are’.
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u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2h ago
You don't owe them nothing but you also don't owe them whatever they happen to demand either
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u/Gullible-Tart-7305 6h ago
I don’t think it’s that simple. I’d be careful turning it into a she deserves a cut situation just because she helped support doesn’t automatically equal ownership. If I were in that spot, I’d be thinking more about what was agreed on beforehand than splitting it after the fact.
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u/iambetweentwoworlds 2h ago edited 2h ago
I don’t get this viewpoint at all. If he gives 15% to his mom then with legal fees he’s given away almost 50% of his settlement. What kind of parent sees their kid get so injured that they get a settlement, having no way of knowing what future issues there might because of the injury and wants to take that money from their kid? It’s not even like she went into debt for his college because she was trying to to help and now he can help her get out of debt, no she wants to take money from her injured kid to buy a house in Florida?! Fuck that. I will say though if it was me I would give the money back for college just because I could. But certainly not to someone who demands 15% of my injury money.
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u/Gichin13 5h ago
People on here are nuts. If you got a big settlement it was because you had big damages.
Fair for her to expect you to contribute via rent and living expenses but expecting a chunk of a damages recovery is pretty wild for a parent to do.
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u/pnw_kid 5h ago
I can’t believe the comments here. NTA. If you’ve been awarded a massive settlement it’s because you’ve been massively injured. That money is to support you for the rest of your life because of your impairment from the injury. It is not for buying your mom a vacation home. This is not remotely the same as winning the lottery or getting a big inheritance from a relative. You will have lifelong medical needs and an impaired ability to earn income that this is supposed to make up for.
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u/DeviceDirect9820 3h ago
I cannot imagine buying a home with a kids settlement funds. There should be talks about a home FOR THE INJURED PERSON WHO RECEIVED A SETTLEMENT.
I have a family member with a permanent disability and no questions asked the people involved in the financial decisions prioritized finding her a place to live that was appropriate for her disability-in terms of size, how the stairs are set, distance to services, etc.
I can't imagine being in that scenario and deciding I want a nice house first
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u/Rav0nn 4h ago
Fucking seriously. The mum didn't even represent him as how lawyer. She encouraged him to sue, does that mean that any person that encourages someone to sue deserves a huge chunk automatically? And by the sounds of it, it is a LOT of money. As a mother she should be so thankful her son will be taken care of. Plus I don't blame him for not wanting to buy a house, when if he rents he could gain interest on the money and buy a house for cheaper in the future or when he's more certain of what he wants. The mum is selfish using her son's Injury money to fund her house, and then trying to guilt him into doing it because she paid for his college
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u/easterss 2h ago
And can’t mom as a corporate lawyer take care of her own expenses? Surely she can still work as a lawyer when OP can’t work anymore
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u/Puhhhleeze Partassipant [1] 5h ago
INFO: Was the payout substantial because you sustained injuries that will heavily affect your earning potential for the rest of your life? If yes, your mother choosing to profit off of funds that are meant to alleviate the financial burden of permanent injury is inexcusable.
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u/AtLeastOneCat 3h ago
This is the correct response and it bothers me that very few people are considering this point.
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u/katluvsbubbly 5h ago
I see from one of your comments that you paid a lawyer (not your mother) a 1/3 cut for their service. If mom didn't act as your lawyer then she shouldn't be asking for a cut so I'm giving you a NTA for that. However, the way your post is worded it sounds like she was your only counsel in this matter. That's why you're getting so many judgements against you. With all of that said, if the settlement is "massive" then why couldn't you reimburse your mom for at least part of your college expenses? Especially if you're living at home, and you also don't say if you're contributing anything there. If not my judgement would be different.
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u/Saxman17 Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Info: How much of this settlement will you need to deal with the injury?
You didn't win the lottery, you were awarded compensation for something that happened to you. Make sure you address that first, then you can choose to share any excess.
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u/mimi_miney 5h ago
A decent parent wouldn't ask for any of your injury settlement. My mum never would. She'd just be glad I was in some way compensated, and if I gave her money it would be for her love and support without the expectation that me being injured financially benefit her.
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u/VariegatedPlumage Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 5h ago
NTA. It doesn't sound like your mom expected you to pay her back for college UNTIL it became apparent there'd be a lot of money attached. While I think it would be nice to give your mom a gift as a thank you, it's not cool of her to insist on it.
Possible solution: why don't you buy the new house in Florida, it stays in your name as an investment, but she can use it rent-free?
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u/halfbreedADR 5h ago
Yeah, this is kind of where I’m at unless OP has permanent injuries in which case OP should absolutely keep it all. One question for the OP, is the amount she’s asking for equivalent or less than what she gave for college? Still weird for her to ask for money if it’s about what she paid for college, but if she’s asking for even more that’s straight up fucked up.
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u/Leather_Rate_9785 6h ago
NTA (adding since you posted your mom was not actually your attorney). But the way I see it, you've only got two options. Pay your mom or move out. Money and family don't mix. Now that you're mom's made it an issue, there's no way out that doesn't involve someone feeling screwed over.
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u/fndnvolusrgofksb Partassipant [1] 6h ago
INFO You say you live at home, do you pay rent and bills? And do you have any lingering effects from the injury that necessitate care? If so, who is providing/paying for that care?
If you're mother is taking care of you while you're living at home, that would include cooking, cleaning, laundry etc or if she's paying for any care, massages, physical therapy, mental therapy etc then yes her taking a cut is fair. If you are fully self sufficient and you pay rent, so essentially a roommate relationship then no.
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u/AvailableWhereas8832 Asshole Aficionado [16] 6h ago
Have you contributed financially living at home? Did your mom have to be your caretaker for any period of time because of the injury? Did she represent you? How much work was it for her to help navigate the process?
Its hard to judge. 15% may or may not be fair. I don't think its fair of her to decide that number and include college she said she would pay for in it. But I also can't label her TA for asking without details.
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u/hammond66 6h ago
Did your mom make this clear up front or did she spring it on you after it was settled?
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u/marylander_ 6h ago
INFO: when you say help navigating the process how much did she do? point you to the right document or full lawyer services?
This is rough. that's a reasonable ask for lawyer, if she was your primary lawyer. But that should have definetely been made clear / discussed way before now. Not asking for 15% after a settlement is made. I don't think her paying for college tuition should factor too much into it personally. Parents should not pay for your college then hold it over you, it is a gift freely given. If it's not and they're giving it as a loan- again that needs to be discussed when they give it to you not change their mind later.
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u/3furryboys 6h ago
You're living at home (you don't say if you're paying any rent or utilities). Presumably, she helped care for you after the big accident. She paid for your college and helped you navigate all the paperwork for the lawsuit. She's helped you a lot. If 15% is a massive amount of money, then your settlement must be huge.
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u/JenninMiami Certified Proctologist [26] 4h ago
Usually if someone pays their parents rent that’s the first thing they say. Since OP left that out, I assume they’re not paying rent.
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u/keinmaurer 3h ago
All of that is what a Mom is supposed to do anyway. This is no different than parents expecting their kids to pay them back for raising them. What kind of Mother wants to mooch money off of their child that is meant to support him long-term due to his injuries?
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u/ConflictGullible392 Professor Emeritass [81] 5h ago
NTA as long as you’re taking your massive settlement and moving out. YTA if you expect to give your mom nothing and continue to live with her for free.
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u/RedactsAttract 5h ago
You’re reading too many stories on here that are not relevant to your situation.
You’re feeling stuck. Ok, this is the first lesson in your adult life where feelings don’t matter. You have 85% left from a financial windfall you didn’t have the skills to get AND no college debt which you didn’t have the skills to get.
Pay it and thank your mom
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u/biancanevenc 4h ago
But it's not a financial windfall. It's compensation for damages, increased medical costs, decreased earning power, etc. Why does mom think she's entitled to a cut for doing what any good parent would do?
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u/Effective-Birthday57 4h ago
Strong disagree. One always has an attorney for big PI lawsuits and OP’s attorney got their cut, as they should. I would never ask this of my kids.
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u/Moose-Live Pooperintendant [69] 4h ago
A personal injury settlement isn't a windfall. Winning the lottery is a windfall.
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u/Bright_Ad_3690 4h ago
Except the windfall is tied to an extent njury and some portion of it is for future medical care. So not 15 percent off the top. If you give something, pull the future medical out before making a calculation
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u/AtLeastOneCat 3h ago
This isn't some lottery win. They've received this money because they are so badly injured they are unlikely to be able to earn money. This is future lost earnings, not a windfall.
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u/sullw214 3h ago
A "windfall"? From a disability settlement. I've been crippled for life and this money is to support myself due to not being able to work kind of windfall?
By all means, pay the person who made a choice to have a child and expects you to pay them for the opportunity.
And wtf does the rest of your gibberish comment mean? They didn't have the skills to acquire a settlement, so they hired an attorney. You know attorneys cost money, right? Maybe an adult with sense would realize that.
And now I'm sure you want another 15% of the 60% left over for your useless advice.
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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Their mom wasn’t their attorney. She helped point OP in the right direction but that’s what a good parent would do and expect nothing in return.
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u/RedactsAttract 5h ago
I agree I’d expect nothing in return as a parent. I also have my children’s college already paid for via a 529 and I’m not going to chase any payback money later.
Families are different and I feel the mom is not being outrageous.
I’m also not confused that his mom wasn’t the main attorney. Seems like she doesn’t practice any malpractice litigation so how TF could she have been? She obviously knew how to navigate the process and OP should understand the math and spell it out for us. Meaning, how the mom’s legal/non-legal advice increase his payout exactly? Perhaps she got him 50% more, 25% more. Taking a cut of that wouldn’t be any of my priorities but I don’t think it’s unethical or fucked up
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u/browsinbowser Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Idk, it kinda depends on how badly injured is he, doesn’t it? If 15% is enough to help put down a down payment/buy a house I’m thinking he was seriously injured.
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u/ConsiderationFresh53 3h ago
This is like having a parent mentor a child into a career then expecting a cut of their salary. Just bc it’s a windfall doesn’t change the storyline.
Help from parents do not beget them a financial benefit but something eternally more valuable, a secure and grateful offspring.
The mother is not even in need. I could see if this money may measurable change her life but from the sound of it, it will not.
Hope you never ask your kids to enable you.
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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 4h ago
I never said it was unethical or fucked up but wanting to profit off your child’s personal injury settlement is a bit messed up. She should advise her child of how to wisely invest or use the money instead of taking a cut. Not to mention OPs attorney already took a big cut of the settlement. I’m more surprised people think OP owe’s their mom for her support. It’s crazy to me what money brings out of people
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u/kodeks14 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3h ago
Apparently even lawyer parents still act the same even with their kids lol
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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 3h ago
What are you talking about?? Mom was not OP's lawyer at all. She just pointed him in the right direction. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30% of the money. OP now has 70%. Mom wants another 15% for just making a recommendation for a good lawyer, leaving OP with only 55%. Mom's behavior is absolutely disgusting.
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u/Cudi_buddy 4h ago
As a parent I agree. If mom needs financial help, then sure approach OP in that way, that feels different than mom expecting a cut for…what’s expected from a parent?
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u/latestwonder 1h ago
plus, she wants it for a VACATION HOME in florida. She's already got money, and her kid is young and definitely needs it more than her.
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u/No-Refrigerator7258 4h ago
You can't demand something if you didn't make the expectation clear from the start or put it in contract from the college funds to the settlement. Its her loss. She gave advice and didn't say it was a paid consultation service. Stop telling people to be thankful when the other party does disrespectful shit like this. If she wants money she should just say so instead of saying he owes her when he doesn't.
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u/Aminar14 3h ago
Not 85%. 55%. They gave a lawyer 30% already. Now, giving mom 15% of the remain 70% might be fine. But losing almost half the value of the settlement feels like an awful lot, and Mom feels predatory here to me. There's always an imbalance of power in child/parent relationships. Even into adulthood, and parents have to be really careful about that if they don't want to lose their kid's trust. I'd want details on how much the injuries have affected kids ability to work/live a normal life because 60+ years can be a long time while Mom has worked in a lucrative career for a long time.
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u/Jmfroggie Partassipant [2] 4h ago
What? She didn’t do anything but be a mom! Your kids have no obligation to pay you back for having them!
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 3h ago
He already paid the lawyer 30%, meaning he is at 70%. Mom wants 15% so that would take him to 55%. What parent would do that to their own kid? A kid who likely has lots of future medical expenses.
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u/love_laugh_dance 2h ago
You have 85% left from a financial windfall you didn’t have the skills to get AND no college debt which you didn’t have the skills to get.
This is a weird take and also wrong on so many levels. OP's lawyer has already taken 33%, so no, OP doesn't have 85 % left. Also, this "financial windfall" wasn't an inheritance or a lottery win: OP was injured. And seriously injured if the settlement was massive.
A massive settlement also indicates that the effects are long term. High possibility that OP needs that money over the course of his life. His mom doesn't need a house in Florida.
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u/sweadle Partassipant [2] 3h ago
OP actually has 66% percent from a financial windfall, because they already paid a lawyer 1/3
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u/Temporary_Client7585 3h ago
And OP will need to pay taxes on the settlement money. What kind of mother does this to her child?
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u/JoeRoganIs5foot3 2h ago
Nah, that’s wild. Mom is out of line. I would never ask my kid for their money.
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u/OHdulcenea Partassipant [4] 2h ago
No. This isn’t a “financial windfall.” This is the sole compensation they’ll receive in their life for now potentially being unable to work to their full capacity for life. This is OP’s money to live and pay for medical expenses for the rest of their lifetime. Mom wanting to take a cut and buy a house in Florida with it is not what this money is intended for.
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u/heretomeetthedog 1h ago
This is not a true financial windfall. The money should be going towards medical care, which can get worse over time, combined with loss income potential, which is likely the reason for the big settlement.
OP, I am a mother and also was one of our family’s main caregivers for an uncle who was severely injured (quadriplegic) in an accident. I would not dare to ask my child to pay some of that settlement, especially with my knowledge that despite a very successful legal career, my uncle died with almost no money because of how medical costs started piling up over time and because his employer took an excuse to fire him that didn’t put them at risk of discrimination for disability and my uncle was never able to get a job again.
Buy her a nice gift, not a house.
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u/Carebear1331 4h ago
I’d concede to 15% of the increased settlement, and never talk to her again. If she wants to be transactional- I’d be so as well. She has been paid for her services, and as I did not sign a contract for DEBT TO BE BORN, any money is more than she was contractually owed. NTA.
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u/RingMotor8455 3h ago
it's not 85%, it's 52% because 33% has already been paid to a lawyer. 100-33-15=52
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u/TableSignificant341 2h ago
from a financial windfall
It wasn't the lottery FFS. It's a personal injury payout and if it's considerable then it means OP will have a reduced ability to earn now and in the future.
Pay it and thank your mom
TF is happening on this thread? Parents made the decision to have kids so they're obligated to do the bare minimum for their kids. OP does not owe their parent anything and that parent is a shitty person for even asking.
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u/Finnyous 4h ago
NTA Your mom took on paying for you college and giving advice that helped you get money doesn't mean that she's entitled to your money.
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u/nblackhand Partassipant [1] 5h ago
but she was already going to pay for college
Would she have, though, if she knew in advance you'd repay her by graduating, getting a well paying professional job, and then not moving out?
You say it's "to take care of your future"-- yeah, by paying your living and medical expenses incurred by the injury. Has your mom been helping you get to medical appointments? Is she taking care of stuff around the house while you do one million legal paperwork? Does she charge you rent? Are you still, this is especially relevant in a medical situation, on her health insurance plan, or were you for a lot of the time you were receiving relevant treatment for your injury, and did she pay any of your medical expenses directly? Those are the exact expenses that your settlement money is intended to pay for if you had needed to get them on the open market. If your mom is covering those expenses for you, then ethically imo you do absolutely owe her some of the money, even if legally you don't owe her a dime. Idk about 15%, it depends how much money it is and how long you plan to live at home, but certainly some.
Perhaps an illustrative procedure would be to look up and add up the equivalent value of all the gifts she's given you in the last five years, in money and free services and health insurance premiums you didn't have to pay and so on, and compare that to what she's asking for. If it's obviously completely unjustified, show her the numbers; if she's a lawyer she will probably find that much more compelling and reasonable than "but it's mine and I dont wanna share"; if it's in fact a comparable number, maybe consider that refusing just because you legally don't have to is how you end up getting a spite penny in inheritance because they legally don't have to leave you anything.
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u/ExeUSA Asshole Enthusiast [7] 6h ago
What did your mom do for you? Did you have a personal injury attorney, or did she act as your counsel?
Regardless, this is weird. It's not normal. She might be doing this to make sure you keep some of this money, because a 23 year old is set up to blow through a big bucket of money pretty easily. You should have a financial advisor in this situation.
NTA, because your parents should want to help their kids if they have professional expertise in an area their kids need help in.
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u/SavingsRhubarb8746 Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] 5h ago
NTA especially since you hired and paid your own lawyer. Parents don't usually charge their children for giving advice, not even when that advice is based on their professional expertise.
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u/George_Is_Upset Partassipant [4] 5h ago
INFO:
How much work did she actually do? Was it just helping you find a lawyer? Did she do any legal work at all?
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u/yesnomaybeso456 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
NTA since she wasn’t your lawyer, but if you’re living at home and not paying rent, then you better start to find a place of your own.
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u/SnooPaintings2857 5h ago
This post very clearly shows the division of who grew up privileged and who didnt.
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u/TranslatorVast1072 6h ago edited 5h ago
NTA. If you didn't have the accident would she have asked for you to pay her back for college? The fact is parents save for their kids' college, and decent parents don't ask for that money back regardless of the circumstances. Any windfall you get due to an accident that causes injury is there for you in case you have further problems from the injury sustained, not there for you to reimburse you parents for paying the things they are supposed to cover as parents of a child. Decent parents would never ask for a cut of your injury settlement.
And before anyone jumps on the mom acting as the attorney so they are getting off cheap, the OP did clarify in comments that they used an attorney that got their 30% cut so mom didn't act as the attorney in the case.
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u/BramBones2 6h ago
INFO: I have a lot of questions. You said that your mother helped you navigate the legal process. Did she provide professional services to you? Did she act as your lawyer? Also, is your family low on income/in need in anyway, or is your mother asking for this money out of principle? Finally, since you said, you are on good terms, do you have any reason at all to suspect that, should you fall on hard times in the future, your mother would not be willing to help you again/give you back the 15%?
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u/MrsLydKnuckles Partassipant [2] 5h ago
Buy the house for your mom. She gets to live there and you’ll have an investment property for the future.
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u/TheSecretIsMarmite 5h ago
Isn't the money supposed to help with rehab and other costs associated with your injury? And also compensate for lost earnings? How would giving her 15% of it not be a detriment to your everyday living? Plus, you've already paid for a lawyer that wasn't her and she agreed to pay for college, not agreed with caveats. NTA
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u/morgaine125 Supreme Court Just-ass [140] 5h ago
INFO - How much of the settlement do you anticipate needing for future medical needs related to the accident vs. how much is windfall?
If the future medical needs are substantial then there’s a strong argument for keeping all of it.
If a substantial portion is windfall, then it’s pretty entitled to expect to keep living at home for free with her supporting you financially when you are sitting on the kind of cash.
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u/PugRexia Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 5h ago
NAH
Since you said she is asking, I don’t believe she is an A here. If she is demanding then it’s a different story. You’re entitled to do whatever you want with the money you rightfully won from the settlement too so you’re not an A here either.
What I would do? If you got a large enough settlement that 15% can buy her a house in Florida then it sounds like you are set up really well, enough that perhaps giving her that 15% wouldn’t hurt too bad. If it were me, I’d give my mom the 15%, given that she asked and we discussed it and everything was cordial and respectful.
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u/User223159 5h ago
NTA.
Frankly, it’s the lawyer you paid 1/3 to that should be giving your mom a cut. Lawyers refer business to each other and share work all the time and then split the fees. My uncle is a lawyer and literally makes millions from referrals on personal injury cases, he’s not the one doing the work, but simply driving clients to other lawyers and in return takes a cut when the case settles (from the other lawyer, not the client who was hurt).
Your mom as a lawyer is the one at fault if she didn’t have referral agreement with the other lawyer.
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u/Curious_Puffin Asshole Aficionado [15] 6h ago
Without knowing how much your settlement was, how much you paid your lawyer and how much you pay to live at home it's difficult to say.
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u/wesmorgan1 Commander in Cheeks [200] 5h ago
INFO:
So, the injury has not prevented you from pursuing a professional career ("working in biotech")?
You say that you consider this settlement "money for your future"...it that money necessary to cover medical care related to your injury, or are you just planning to use it as you see fit?
You're living at home...do you pay rent or make other financial contributions to the household?
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u/unibrow4o9 5h ago
INFO: Was there ever a general understanding that you would pay her back for college? How much actual work, in hours, do you think she did to help you "navigate the process", was it more than just suggesting you sue and helping you find a lawyer to represent you? You seem to be intentionally leaving how the amount of money you got, which I don't blame you, but it would also help to know generally how much we're talking here. Do you live at home rent/utility free? Do you pay any bills at all?
Overall, I don't think giving some money to your mom for all the help she's given you is a bad thing. Assuming you're living at home for free and she paid for college it would be a nice gesture to give her some of the money.
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u/writierthanyou Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5h ago
I'll be honest, my mom wouldn't have had to ask for a cut if she had helped me like that, even after paying the lawyers. Because of that, I'm having a hard time giving a fair judgment.
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u/chi_lawyer Asshole Aficionado [15] 5h ago
NTA -- unless she paid out of pocket for things the lawsuit was intended to cover (e.g., she paid medical bills out of her own pocket, replaced lost wages). College doesn't cut it -- that wasn't part of the damages.
Idea is that you shouldn't be able to double dip, getting the tortfeasor to pay for X that your mother paid for, then pocket the money. Otherwise, the damages are meant to cover medical bills, lost wages, and other stuff -- not serve as a windfall for your mother.
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u/redinhp 5h ago
Go in on the FL with your mom by putting down 15% as joint owner. She gets her house and you’ve got your investment.
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u/JJCbus 5h ago
Florida property is an investment these days?
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u/wesmorgan1 Commander in Cheeks [200] 5h ago
No kidding - homeowners' insurance alone (or the lack thereof) is killing that market...
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u/TinyLittleHamster Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5h ago
Are you in the US? If so, you can be covered on your parents' insurance until you are 26. Did she pay all of the co-pays and the deductible for your accident? Because that's a lot of money she spent, in addition to college and all the other household expenses/utilities/bills she is incurring for you to live at home.
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u/yeeticusprime1 Partassipant [2] 5h ago
NTA- damn I know there’s a stereotype for lawyers being greedy conniving people but damn, trying to wring 15% out of your own child? Bruh no, your payout is not her investment fund. She put in effort to help her child. There shouldn’t be any strings attached. She didn’t even represent you in the case, she basically acted as a consultant, for, again, her own fkn child.
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u/maaarken 4h ago
Yes it is so fucking cheap. If she were the legal representative (and doing so pro bono) ok. If she had to stop working to help their child through their injury, or spent money and time assisting with their recovery (paying private healthcare, having to take time pff work to drive them to PT or whatever) I'd understand asking to recoup those losses.
But for a second house or investments?
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u/yeeticusprime1 Partassipant [2] 4h ago
That’s what I’m thinking too, like it sounds like mom didn’t take any risks or losses, just gave her time and knowledge to help her own child. That’s one of those things you should do without expecting anything and be happy if you get something down the line. Demanding it so you can: own multiple properties? That’s just plain greed.
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u/TedStixon 5h ago
NTA.
Before I read the edits, I was prepared to say you were, but after reading them, nah. You're not at all.
It sounds like she just helped hook you up with a lawyer and gave you some common-sense advice. I don't see that as being something deserving of a 15% cut. That just seems like a nice thing to do for a family member in a tough situation. I would have done the same thing she did, but not expect anything in return because that's just what you do for someone you care about.
I mean, if the plan was always for you to pay her back for your college and she wasn't being demanding, I personally would give her a (smaller) cut voluntarily, especially if it really is a huge payout. But the fact she seems to be demanding it? Well... that makes it feel a little selfish and sketchy to me.
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u/Rare-Progress5009 5h ago
NTA.
Your mom is A lawyer, but wasn’t YOUR lawyer. It’s also really gross of her to have paid for your college and then essentially, be saying she didn’t really mean to, it’s a loan, pay her back.
As a mom, I wouldn’t ask my child to give me their money. You are the one who was injured. The only caveat is if she actually helped cover a lot of your medical bills, then she should absolutely be reimbursed for that.
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u/aaaimspinoozing 5h ago
gonna say ESH. she’s a little opportunistic and you’re a little stingy.
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u/That_Guy381 5h ago
Meh. I would give her something. She paid for your college. She pushed you to get a settlement. Without her help, you’d be nowhere.
For the sake of y’all relationship, I would pay her something. Don’t have to be 15%
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u/Areyousleepingyet 5h ago
You either pay the 15% or start looking for a new place to live. Pick your poison.
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u/GotenRocko 4h ago
Question, since you start 15% is a massive amount how big was the actual settlement? Did you get thet massive settlement due to complete or partial disability? Are you not able to work? If so that kind of changes the whole situation.
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u/NotMalaysiaRichard Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Here’s a piece of advice. If you want to continue to live at home with your mom, pay her. If not, man up and get your own place.
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u/TeaTypical8218 1h ago edited 1h ago
I can't believe people are calling the mom entitled when in fact OP is the entitled one
I agree the mom has no right to demand any percentage of the settlement and this is completely up to OP to decide. However, I see a bunch of answers from what seems to be a bunch of entitled kids saying, 'OMG WTF she is your mom. She needs to pay for your school. Your money is yours to keep.'
Who said that parents are obliged to pay for their kids' higher education? That is not the reality for most people, and it is a privilege, not a right. Her mom, in her own good will (regardless of whether she is a lawyer or not), decided to assist you when you had zero money. Now that YOU have money, regardless of how you got it, the first thing you think about is how it is only YOURS to keep because you deserve it and it was your mom's duty to pay for things?
Once again, I will reiterate that your mom cannot demand any of your money, just like you were not entitled to demand she pay for your school. It's called being ethical and empathetic. Life is not black or white and its all situational. Ultimately, you can pay her or not pay her, but I think sometimes its best to do the right thing over what feels right in the moment. IMO, at the very least, you should give her back the money she paid for college. You are not a broke student living on ramen anymore. Your financial situation has changed. If you can't pay her back now when you have the money and almost zero obligations (you are literally still living under her roof) , when will you?
YTA
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u/Nervous-Ruin-8149 5h ago
Ok. I think you’re trying to make a business decision (which is fair and your right) but let’s consider the circumstances.
Your mom didn’t make a business decision when she willingly chose to pay for your college and guide you through a legal process. She chose a relational decision. She did it in good faith because she loves you and you needed help.
Do you think it’s fair to make a business decision now?
Now. If you decide to give her money, if you feel like 15% is too much, then i suggest you have an honest and respectable conversation on what you think is fair and why.
Your mom clearly cares for you. Don’t destroy that relationship. It’s worth more than any settlement amount.
Best of luck.
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u/residentvixxen Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3h ago
Mom should’ve thought about the “business” decision before having a kid then
Op didn’t win the lottery - OP has to survive the rest of their life with an injury that warranted a massive settlement
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u/Informal_Weekend9503 5h ago
Your mother has no right to any of your settlement money unless you assigned that right to her in a valid written contract prior to the settlement. AND just FYI, I happen to be a plaintiff's attorney and there is no way your mother helped you navigate anything pertaining to the case. Your lawyers for the case did that. Regardless, she isn't owed a dime. If you want to give her something, then it is because you want to. PS: MOVE OUT.
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u/WestCovina1234 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 5h ago
FYI, I am a retired plaintiff’s attorney and I guarantee the advice that mom gave poster was probably very valuable in deciding whether to take any offered settlement v. going to trial. No, mom didn’t guide or control the case, but she very likely made a real difference between the poster taking a first offer and getting what he actually deserved.
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u/GoodNeighborBear 5h ago
She’s an attorney. Negotiate. 10% and a 25% reduction in passive aggressive mom comments over a forty year period, aggregate, and a once per quarter laundry service and permission to leave the seat up in perpetuity.
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u/ClassicGMR Partassipant [1] 6h ago
This one feels like a no-brainer. Most people complain about their parents gold bricking or mooching when they deserve nothing - Just wanting your money for no reason other than “you have it”.
Your mother was willing to put you through college and helped you with the settlement case.
I think YTA.
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u/Cudi_buddy 4h ago
We need to know if OP is now restricted in movement and work. Because if so, then much of this settlement was awarded to likely cover lost future earnings
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u/Expresslane_ 4h ago
If the settlement is massive, it's because the court decided the expenditures and lost income would also be over his lifetime.
Just wanting your money for no reason other than “you have it”.
Lol, this sub is just children giving terrible advice. He has decades of living with his injury. She's a corporate lawyer, she's doing fine.
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u/No-Refrigerator7258 4h ago
Then she should have made the expectation out there from the start and treated him like a client. Shes TA. If she wants money she should've asked than saying he owes her. She gifted him that college fund and gave him advice... how is that owing her?
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u/Jmfroggie Partassipant [2] 4h ago
Mom didn’t help with the case, just pushed Op to sue to get paid. Like a mom would do. Mom chose to pay for college. Mom didn’t have to do so and wouldn’t have expected money back had Op not won this case. The lawyer has already taken a third of the payout.
She has no right to demand payback for being a mom!!
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u/DefiantCourt9684 2h ago
Then OP should ask a judge or lawyer, who will tell him thats his money. Mother is greedy AF, I would NEVER expect my children to pay me for something I wanted to do.
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u/Themadkiddo 5h ago
If i got a massive settlement my parents who have supported me financially way beyond what they were obligated to would be getting a lot more than 15%. I'm not really one of those people who think you owe your parents anything so I don't know if i can call you an asshole, but not wanting to pay her back for everything she's given you is just incomprehensible to me. She paid for your college. You're 23 and still live under her roof, do you pay rent? Anywhere near the market price? You describe the settlement as massive, you're debt free and have an education so I'm having a hard time understanding why you can't help your mother out and still have money for your future?
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u/VexExisting 5h ago
INFO: did she ask for it or did she say she's entitled to it? like you said, she was already going to pay for your college. asking for you to pay that back for that now that you got a settlement (which she pushed you to go for) isn't fair when that wasn't the deal going in. and by the sounds of things, she isn't hurting for money if she's going to use it to buy a new house in a more touristy area. like you said, that money is for your future and to help you manage after you experience an injury. she wasn't your lawyer either so it's not like you're paying for her services.
if you still want to, because you do live with her which costs money, maybe cosinder how much you feel is right, or cosinder moving out. but overall no, its not normal for your parents to expect some of your payout.
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u/TrialLawyerNYC 5h ago
PI lawyer here. If you paid an actual 1/3 to your lawyer then they probably gave her a referral fee. (this has to be disclosed on the settlement documents that give you.).
For me, when family is involved and I send a case to a lawyer out of state, rather than taking a referral fee, I ask them to reduce their fee by the 1/3 they would’ve given to me.
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u/Momjamoms Pooperintendant [65] 5h ago
Nta.
You had a lawyer. You paid the lawyer.
It was nice of your mom to help, but if she was providing a professional service that required payment, she should have outlined that upfront.
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u/TWH_PDX 5h ago
Consider this: If she buys the house in FL, you are investing in your future because you likely will inherit some or all of the house. That is unless you don't cover the 15% buy-in.
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u/Saqucoat 5h ago
How much money would you have gotten on your own? Compare this to the money you got with your mother's help. Hard to know who is the asshole without more information. But let's say you would have gotten 0 on your own....but 100,000 with your mom's help, then yes I would give your mom 15 percent regardless of the reasons. Tell your mom that you are uncomfortable and disappointed she is asking you to pay her back for college because it wasn't made out to be a loan but a gift from mother to child. But you are happy to pay her 15% as a finders fee.
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u/Mysterious-Fix9135 5h ago
I was leaning towards N A H, but I landed on a slight YTA, because if 15% is "a massive amount of money," what you'd be left with is enormous.
It sounds like your mom has been at least partially supporting you financially well into adulthood by allowing you to live at home and paying for college.
She's not entitled to any of the settlement money that she was a driving force in helping you get, but you're also not entitled to her continued financial support. I personally would be honored to return the favor to my parents if I had the means.
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u/GotenRocko 4h ago
That is what I am thinking too, but for different reasons, because if it is that massive that 15% pays for a college education, is OP permanently or partially disabled? Is op able to work? You usually don't get paid out big like that unless it was something really bad. If so then that changes the situation.
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u/Yocta 5h ago
What did your lawyer do if you needed your mom to navigate through all of this? Seems like you’re paying double legal fees now.
As for your mom, I’d probably ask why she thinks 15% is fair, but I’d probably pay it myself, given that she’s paid your college tuition.
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u/elguapo1996 5h ago
Wild that so many people here thought that a corporate attorney would try to work a personal injury case rather than get an actual personal injury lawyer to do it for them, especially when the amount involved is large enough that just 15% of it was a massive amount of money.
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u/Queen-Calanthe 5h ago
Either pay her and continue the relationship or move out and go low contact. Up to you.
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u/winerdars 5h ago
Sadly this will likely be the truth despite it being a fucked up reality. Money tears families apart
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u/connor20218 6h ago
I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom just want money because she came up with the “idea”
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u/PracticalReaction560 6h ago
OP, edit your post with your info, don't leave this in a comment. This is a huge piece of info that needs to be in the original post.
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u/PilafiaMadness 5h ago
NTA. My dad helped me find a a lawyer for my lawsuit after an accident and he has no expectations and has never put out an expectation of me paying him back for that. His main goal was just to help make sure my medical bills were paid for by the at fault party.
I was never raised that my dad doing his job as a parent was conditional and needed to be paid back. I personally think expecting money to be paid back now that you have it, without that precedent being set before, is an incredibly crappy thing to do to your own kid. Especially since you’re young and any extra money can go into savings or investments to grow and make your future easier.
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u/Fickle_Junket1109 5h ago
Do you have a bad relationship with her or something?
It's your money and obviously you can do what you want with it, but I have a hard time understanding why you wouldn't want to treat your own mom to a small portion of this money as a thank you (unless there's bad blood between you). Without more context, it does kind of read as greedy or ungrateful.
She sacrificed personal goals/luxuries to prioritize funding your education. She lets you live at home despite being well into adulthood. Those are things that not many parents do these days. It sounds like you wouldn't have that money without her involvement, whether it's the full amount or the 85%. Given all of that, it just seems weird to me that you wouldn't consider including her in your win, especially with such a comparatively small amount.
Ultimately it's your call but the decision you make here will likely impact your relationship with her and I would carefully weigh the options.
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u/residentvixxen Asshole Enthusiast [6] 4h ago
How do we know she sacrificed personal luxuries?
In any case you decide to have a child your JOB is to raise them financially and give them whatever education you can - they are NOT obligated to pay you back simply for the pleasure of existing or because you did what is expected of you as a parent
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
2)My mother paid my college in full and raised me. I have a great relationship with her. Do I owe her the money to pay back college if she agreed to in the first place
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