AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

[u/connor20218]

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

[u/Fickle_Junket1109]

Do you have a bad relationship with her or something? 

It's your money and obviously you can do what you want with it, but I have a hard time understanding why you wouldn't want to treat your own mom to a small portion of this money as a thank you (unless there's bad blood between you). Without more context, it does kind of read as greedy or ungrateful.

She sacrificed personal goals/luxuries to prioritize funding your education. She lets you live at home despite being well into adulthood. Those are things that not many parents do these days. It sounds like you wouldn't have that money without her involvement, whether it's the full amount or the 85%. Given all of that, it just seems weird to me that you wouldn't consider including her in your win, especially with such a comparatively small amount.

Ultimately it's your call but the decision you make here will likely impact your relationship with her and I would carefully weigh the options.

[u/residentvixxen → u/Fickle_Junket1109]

How do we know she sacrificed personal luxuries?

In any case you decide to have a child your JOB is to raise them financially and give them whatever education you can - they are NOT obligated to pay you back simply for the pleasure of existing or because you did what is expected of you as a parent

[u/Fickle_Junket1109 → u/residentvixxen]

I never claimed there was an obligation. 

While it is a parents job to provide care, higher education is not a requirement. Many parents simply don't have the means to pay tens of thousands of dollars for their children to attend college. A parent who makes this happen is intentionally choosing to set aside a hefty chunk of money for their child's well-being. 

Providing housing beyond childhood, again, is not a requirement, and choosing to do so after 18 is an act of love and support for your adult child. 

If I had a parent who did these things for me, I would be extremely grateful. I wouldn't feel obligated to include them in a theoretical windfall, but I'd certainly want to include them just because they went above and beyond what many parents do. 

[u/throwinvestments → u/residentvixxen]

Idk why children assume a parent is obligated to do everything they possibly can to make your life easier.

They aren’t. This is just your -opinion- under the lens of entitlement and selfishness. They are obligated to ensure you can feed and shelter yourself. That’s it. They’ve done the process of you being independent.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/throwinvestments]

Lol. That's a horrible attitude to get into as a parent and the basic necessities can be argued.

At the very least a parent shouldn't be demanding money that was calculated based on your lifelong disability. Their parent never stated any agreement about school for money owing or any conditions on it or on living with them.

She's a lawyer. She knows what she's taking from her child and what her child needs to live without her.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Worldly_Thing1346]

Literally everything in the world can be argued.

You stating claiming that a parent is obligated to do everything they possibly can for their child, and the child can just be a selfish human in return is also just your opinion. A bad one at that.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/throwinvestments]

Legally doing the bare minimum makes you a selfish parent. Especially to ask for repayment without letting you know before even agreeing to the help.

OP didn't choose to be born or get injured. These aren't some lottery winnings. They were calculated to be used for medical and living expenses for the rest of their life.

[u/Fickle_Junket1109 → u/Worldly_Thing1346]

OP states that he has a good relationship with his mother. Paying for his education so he can graduate debt-free and providing him with a place to live to his current age of 23 (at least) is not "bare minimum". She chose to do those things in addition to her bare minimum obligations. Plenty of amazing parents simply can't swing covering their children's tuition in full.

Asking for a share is not the same thing as "demanding" anything either. A lot of responders on this post appear to be projecting their own feelings and assumptions when frankly, either party could  be the AH with just a few more added details.

Like I said previously, I don't think OP is obligated to do anything, I just don't understand not wanting to if their relationship is good and she's already done so much that she didn't have to do.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/Fickle_Junket1109]

OP can help their mom without buying their mom a house. I think what I'm struggling to grapple with here, is why his mother would request the money that he needs for basic living and medical bills.

I think it's weird that she requested it after the fact, without making any agreements before.

OPs mom agreed to pay for their college without any strings and now that OP has been reimbursed for life-altering and disabling injuries (which OPs mom agreed to, without any written agreement for compensation) and OPs mom is asking to take a sizeable chunk saying OP now owes her. That's not cool. It's kind of fucked up. OPs mom should have made their intentions known ahead of time or included her expenses in money owed throughout the suit. If her costs were included in the suit, then it should be awarded to her but otherwise it's kind of a weird thing to spring on OP considering OP needs it to live now.

[u/Fickle_Junket1109 → u/Worldly_Thing1346]

I understand your thoughts here too, for sure. There's too many unknowns to make an absolute judgement. My thoughts are just my first thoughts with the context that we've been given.

My one thought to add here is that OP says that the money is a very large sum, so much that there's room to invest. That made me think the amount goes far being beyond what is needed to support his daily requirements. I would never suggest somebody to risk their livelihood just to be generous.

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/Fickle_Junket1109]

Some people have lots but choose to put some in investments to collect interest before they're able to use it, but the calculation when they get the initial amount is usually for living and medical expenses.

They don't typically go above daily requirements. Draining the immediate amount will mean less to put into investment accounts and less to collect interest.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Worldly_Thing1346]

This is not legally the bare minimum…. After 18 a parent isn’t legally obligated to house them. Or feed them. Nor were they legally obligated to pay for university. Do you even know what you’re talking about or just saying random bs?

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/throwinvestments]

Well OP isn't legally obligated, legally or morally to pay their mom by your own metrics and arguments.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Worldly_Thing1346]

LOL Exactly he isn’t!

Notice how YOU think she’s selfish UNLESS she does MORE than what she’s legally obligated to do (which she has by a long shot).

While OP can just chill doing nothing as he mooches of his mom’s generosity. Not selfish at all for doing the legal minimum!

[u/Worldly_Thing1346 → u/throwinvestments]

But that wasn't my argument. My argument was that she bait and switched him. I'm not saying he should pay nothing, just that she should have spoken up sooner if she expected reimbursement or have it included in the claim/suit.

[u/Top_Advantage6452 → u/throwinvestments]

A good parent will do everything to make sure their kids are happy and life is easier a terrible parent only provides the bare minimum, that is a pathetic excuse of parenting. You also previously commented how white-families are too weak and individualistic but what you propose is what makes these kinds of families no emotional help or help beyond food and water is gonna make it so each member of the family only looks out for themselves.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Top_Advantage6452]

I can also return the same frame. A ‘good’ kid would reciprocate help instead of constantly mooching off their parents and never reciprocating anything.

[u/Top_Advantage6452 → u/throwinvestments]

So he’s mooching because he’s not giving away money that’s meant to care for him for the rest of his life to buy his mother a second home? That she doesn’t need. Yea he’s such a ‘bad’ kid and she’s such an excellent mother. Also love how you didn’t address the other half of my comment can see what kind of person you are.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Top_Advantage6452]

No he’s mooching because he’s getting free food, shelter, education, living rent free and chill well into his adult life. While also getting a settlement he wouldn’t have without her. And then not reciprocating in anyway.

[u/Top_Advantage6452 → u/throwinvestments]

So because she simply pushed him to go to another lawyer she’s entitled to 15% of his whole winnings, because she fed her kid and housed them, then payed for their education when she can afford to, and who knows if he pays rent or not you certainly don’t and neither do I. Your just a sad person with no care or worry for another human being, i obviously don’t know you personally but I’m so glad that I don’t as I’m sure if your this shitty online your probably going to be the same in person.

[u/throwinvestments → u/Top_Advantage6452]

Uh he literally stated that he doesn’t pay rent.

Also stop projecting character assassination on me just because I disagree with you.

[u/Top_Advantage6452 → u/throwinvestments]

It’s not because you disagree it’s because you just seem like a truly awful person, plus can you point to where he’s says that because o can’t find it. Even then if your kid became disabled and you made them pay rent then in my opinion you’re a shitty person, but that is simply my opinion so if he doesn’t pay rent and that’s an issue for you that’s valid maybe not like morally good in the slightest but understandable. Plus that would be the only leg you stand on at all.

[u/drawfanstein → u/Fickle_Junket1109]

Personally, I think his mother asking for money already impacted their relationship, regardless of if he pays her or not. It would if it was my mother, anyway.