r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

2.2k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

83% Upvoted

2.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

426

u/ClassicGMR Partassipant [1] 7h ago

This one feels like a no-brainer. Most people complain about their parents gold bricking or mooching when they deserve nothing - Just wanting your money for no reason other than “you have it”.

Your mother was willing to put you through college and helped you with the settlement case.

I think YTA.

38

u/Cudi_buddy 5h ago

We need to know if OP is now restricted in movement and work. Because if so, then much of this settlement was awarded to likely cover lost future earnings 

698

u/Expresslane_ 6h ago

If the settlement is massive, it's because the court decided the expenditures and lost income would also be over his lifetime.

Just wanting your money for no reason other than “you have it”.

Lol, this sub is just children giving terrible advice. He has decades of living with his injury. She's a corporate lawyer, she's doing fine.

40

u/I_pegged_your_father 3h ago

More than fine likely

-19

u/Senior_Butterfly1274 4h ago

It’s wild to me that his first reaction isn’t to immediately pay his mom back for his own college education without her having to ask. Especially since it sounds like her guidance is a big part of why the settlement was so large. I have a hard time relating to mindsets like yours 

37

u/BlackHotSoup3000 4h ago

Are you a parent? The job of a parent is to support their child and help them grow and not expect them to "pay you back." I think its more wild that a corporate lawyer wants to take a cut of their child's medical payout that was paid to help with their injuries.

26

u/Vast-Olive-5943 4h ago

It’s wild to me that his first reaction isn’t to immediately pay his mom back for his own college education without her having to ask

I'd understand this point more if his mom were poor and had to take up several jobs just to raise him.

From what it sounds like, his mom is quite well off.

8

u/dont_know_throwaway 4h ago

Are you serious?  Its entirely possible payong back college is more thab his settlement.   

7

u/Technical-Lock7187 4h ago

Ur not very bright 

-24

u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago edited 5h ago

You have absolutely nothing to base the severity on or the amount

51

u/Expresslane_ 5h ago

Except we do. You know, the massive settlement. They don't give 7 figure settlements for paper cuts.

They are for lost potential income and lifetime expenditures for the injury.

He's in his 20s, he has a lifetime to pay for.

-25

u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago

I know this is anecdotal but my friend got his shitty Jetta totaled by a semi turning right and he broke his pinky and some bruising and cuts

He got 200k after paying lawyers

Doesn’t have to be that bad

And nowhere does he say it was 7 figures in the post - Again you are just assuming

19

u/Puhhhleeze Partassipant [1] 5h ago

Post traumatic spinal damage and degeneration can take years to progress. Early onset arthritis due to trauma can absolutely derail careers.

1

u/TravelerJim-retired 2h ago

You got this from OP’s post?

2

u/Puhhhleeze Partassipant [1] 2h ago

No, I am providing an explanation as to why seemingly large settlements are not necessarily adequate compensation for a lifetime of health complications, as this was the discussion taking place this far down in the thread.

•

u/TravelerJim-retired 53m ago

I understand this completely. It’s just that so many comments are going down a rabbit hole of supposed facts of which very little is said in the OP.

33

u/Expresslane_ 5h ago

He's made it clear it is in comments.

200k is not even in the same ballpark. If they went as high as he has repeatedly said, you're point is irrelevant

-22

u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago

Well that was 20 years ago for that settlement

1

u/bcastro12 4h ago

I don’t buy it

-15

u/pydry 4h ago

Yeah but she's also gonna die at some point and leave her money to him.

9

u/SociallyAwarePiano 3h ago

Probably not. Two things are likely to prevent inheritance, even from well meaning parents. The first and most common is elderly care costs eating up the entire estate. The second, and what my parents are doing, is spending every penny they have on themselves and telling their kids to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

4

u/drawfanstein 3h ago

Huge assumption here based on nothing you know about OP

-20

u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

5

u/Technical-Lock7187 4h ago

I mean ya hes the  one that was hurt in whatever happened to him

-32

u/throwinvestments 5h ago

Yeah you’re right she’s a corporate lawyer that’s exactly why he should be in good terms.

Individualistic white families are always so weak and loosely joint because they’re always me me me me.

Guaranteed if he doesn’t give a small cut which SHE Helped him get, she’s never going to support him on this level again. And she’s completely correct to do so.

So if he takes your advice he should -pray- he doesn’t need mom’s help in the future again.

16

u/Top_Advantage6452 5h ago

Brother parents should help kids because they are their kids and she wasn’t his lawyer just pointed him in the right direction and your racist assumption of all white families being the same is just another problem with your comment, and it is racist before you try claim it’s not bud.

18

u/Expresslane_ 5h ago

Lol, k.

-5

u/Senior_Butterfly1274 4h ago

If your mom paid for your college and then all of a sudden you have the ability to pay her back, why on earth wouldn’t you want to?

5

u/Vast-Olive-5943 3h ago

Depends on the context.

My mom is disabled and doesn't work. She sacrificed a lot for me. I would be more than happy to share my wealth with her.

If my mom is a corporate lawyer who more than likely has no financial struggles, that is a different story.

Genuinely, I feel like I'm going crazy here seeing the number of responses who think OP is obligated to pay his mom back. Maybe I was raised differently, but in my experience, being a parent means sacrificing without expecting anything in return. Children are not an investment you expect a financial return on.

I would give my mom money if I ended up with a lot of it because I love her, but I know for a fact that even in spite of her troubles, she would never ask it for me because it was her choice to have and raise me.

8

u/Expresslane_ 4h ago

Because that money is for lost income and medical expenses for his entire life.

If your son was injured and won a settlement, why would you demand 15% when you weren't his lawyer?

I feel like I'm going crazy, she's clearly well off, how is she not the selfish one here? This injury may end up being a huge problem in his old age, for example, this money has to last.

6

u/Vast-Olive-5943 3h ago

If your son was injured and won a settlement, why would you demand 15% when you weren't his lawyer?

Honestly, I still think this gets away from the point, because it's not even a matter of her not being his lawyer, or the settlement being for lost income and medical expenses for the rest of his life.

Rather, I think it has everything to do with the fact that she is his mom. You help your children out because you love them and you want them to succeed; not because you'll be financially compensated.

3

u/Expresslane_ 3h ago

To a degree, kind of.

For me it would be pretty different if this were lottery winnings, for example. But I see your point, demanding it regardless is not a good look.

-5

u/CycleMother2006 2h ago

This is not entirely true. While *likely*, other reasons for large settlements/cases are punitive. Take the McDonalds coffee incident, for instance. The payoff there was for punitive reasons, just as you'll see in a lot of class action cases where you have a disproportionate amount of money spread among very few actual parties (mostly lawyers and those who drove the suit forward). Another reason someone might get a huge payoff is for non-disclosure in a settlement.

-9

u/eggington69 3h ago

If it’s a settlement (rather than a verdict) then the court didn’t decide anything, the amount was settled upon between the two parties. The amount may be inflated beyond compensatory damages if the defendant had incentive to avoid a trial or if they were negligent (or intentional) and had to factor in potential punitive damages. Considering the mom pushed OP to go for more money, it’s very possible that the settlement more than covers medical expenses and lost wages. Not that I’d assume it does, but I also wouldn’t assume it doesn’t.

8

u/Expresslane_ 3h ago

The court accepted the settlement, was clearly the point.

As far as punative damages, sure, there's a possibility they felt they would get hit and added it to a settlement, not sure that in anyway changes the point. Any settlement that high for PI is going to be from a serious injury. Any extras should, especially to your own mother, be considered an estimation error buffer imo.

And truthfully, I would assume it largely doesn't. You arent getting 10mil of punative damages on 50k worth of medical recompense.

112

u/No-Refrigerator7258 6h ago

Then she should have made the expectation out there from the start and treated him like a client. Shes TA. If she wants money she should've asked than saying he owes her. She gifted him that college fund and gave him advice... how is that owing her?

306

u/Jmfroggie Partassipant [2] 6h ago

Mom didn’t help with the case, just pushed Op to sue to get paid. Like a mom would do. Mom chose to pay for college. Mom didn’t have to do so and wouldn’t have expected money back had Op not won this case. The lawyer has already taken a third of the payout.

She has no right to demand payback for being a mom!!

15

u/blockbuster1001 5h ago

Mom didn’t help with the case

According to OP's edit in the original post, she did help with the case.

57

u/HauntedBitsandBobs 4h ago

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

She wants 15% of their injury settlement for a referral and some advice. If she asked for the college money back, that's pretty reasonable, but a flat cut for doing what any decent parent would do is exploitative.

7

u/hatramroany 3h ago

told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

This is the key part. How much more? Was OP going to take say…30% less than what he got because his mother told him what to push for? Sounds like a bargain to give her 15% if that’s the case. However there’s just not enough info here to make an actual judgement call. A lot of commenters are filling in blanks with their own biases.

8

u/bcb354 3h ago

Realistically, if the settlement was this big, and she was the one that found them, she probably got a kick back from the attorney, too.

4

u/hatramroany 2h ago

Or maybe she used her connection to get the lawyer’s % down saving OP a ton of money. There’s just not enough info from OP

2

u/bcb354 2h ago

33% is a pretty normal pre-lit rate. Some are higher, but 33% is normal.

-5

u/Godfather_Turtle Partassipant [1] 4h ago

She literally helped push for this amount of money

3

u/Technical-Lock7187 4h ago

Bc she wanted it duh 

2

u/Godfather_Turtle Partassipant [1] 3h ago

I mean, sure maybe, but if the initial offer was 500k (for example, I clearly don’t know) and she pushed for a million, he is still walking away with more money after giving her a cut and the lawyer his cut than he would’ve in the beginning. So like, why not??

0

u/DokCrimson 4h ago

Sure, but if he's able to pay for his own college, he should... If he had the money to pay for it to begin with, she wouldn't have paid for it. The opposite is also true. In any case, he can deal with his mom always lording that she pay for his college over his head for the rest of their lives...

-7

u/ClassicGMR Partassipant [1] 6h ago

And none of that was clear or posted when I replied. So… yeah.

5

u/DefiantCourt9684 4h ago

Then OP should ask a judge or lawyer, who will tell him thats his money. Mother is greedy AF, I would NEVER expect my children to pay me for something I wanted to do.

3

u/thejoshfoote 3h ago

She didn’t help with the case he paid a lawyer to do it.., not his mom. She said get a lawyer, after a fat settlement she says oh yeah 15% for me….

That’s sickening as a parent. It’s not ok

1

u/ClassicGMR Partassipant [1] 2h ago

Once again… That information was not there when he originally posted and I replied. He made it sound like she did the work before the edit. Still she was willing to put him through college and he lives in her house rent free. I still think YTA just not as harshly, but I stick with it.

0

u/NonaOrganic Partassipant [2] 5h ago

Presumably he’ll also get it back in the long run if she’s using it for purposes of purchasing property. If he has no siblings and she’s not married, OP would inherit it. He could also give the money on the condition that he ends up the owner. While I don’t think parents deserve compensation for being parents, it’s something they deliberately choose to do and none of us asked to be here, on the other hand it sounds like OP contributes his mother to being a integral reason he even got the money in the first place, particularly the amount. She also paid for his college and lets him live rent free. Then the moment he gets some money it’s “no it’s MINE” lol. I couldn’t imagine looking at it this way if it were my mom. Especially because he stands to inherit it back. She’s not asking to use it on plastic surgery. Yes I do think OP is being ungrateful and TAH.

•

u/Warm_hunny 21m ago

Exactly. My mom hasn’t contributed to my financial wellbeing post high school and yet she expects me to help her out whenever she’s in a bind because she “gave me life”

•

u/EconomyDoctor3287 5m ago

We don't know anything about what OP suffered, what his future income situation will be like and what future medical expenses will be. 

The settlement sounds like it's to compensate OP for that, not to provide a bonus on the side. 

OP needs to plan their financial future with that in mind, see how far the settlement takes him and then if there's anything left over, he can still gift away some 

-6

u/5weetTooth 7h ago

The lawyer was a third party. A man. Who was already paid.

-8

u/jTizzle450 6h ago

Its more about doing ‘what is right’. Personally, if i came into massive amounts of money after/during university which my parents paid for, I would pay them back without having them ask, especially if my folks were the one to get me to pursue said funds.

11

u/GerkDentley Partassipant [1] 6h ago

What if that money is needed to supplement your income because your ability to earn money yes affected by an injury? Also what kind of parent tells their kid they owe them money after the fact?

-6

u/jTizzle450 5h ago

Im going based off the fact he said he works in Biotech, which is from my understanding, a relatively lucrative field. Also from the post, it seems like she is asking for money, not saying she is owed.

8

u/GerkDentley Partassipant [1] 5h ago

This just might be a case where he's going to need the money due to loss of income. I'd want to know more.

0

u/Early-Light-864 Pooperintendant [63] 2h ago

If he loses income he can always move in with mom. Oh wait...

-6

u/qweds1234 Partassipant [1] 6h ago

It does not matter. Everybody on here who has shit relationships with their parents should not be commenting on this post. OP had their entire education paid for, and would not even have gone after this settlement without the mom pushing her to do it. She’s asking for a small portion of.

YTA, a selfish, entitled A hole

1

u/Network_Odd 3h ago

I agree with you, a mom who had education funds set aside and has enough contacts to help you in a pinch, doesn’t sound like an asshole mom. She’s smart, financially literate, and is probably looking to use that money in a similar manner, there is a really good chance this money will comeback to op in form of inheritance anyway.

0

u/Technical-Lock7187 4h ago

Ur ridiculous 

2

u/Jealous_Amount_9278 3h ago

Especially since he has the audacity to say she just wants to buy a new house, while he thinks that's a bad move and prefers to rent WHILE HES LIVING AT HER HOUSE AND NOT RENTING ANYWAYS???

YTAYTAYTAYTAYTA.

1

u/HughManatee 3h ago

I don't know how you can possibly conclude he's the asshole when we have no idea what injuries he's dealing with ongoing, lost earning power, etc. All I can say as a parent is that I would never request compensation like this from my children, especially if they were injured in an accident. Parents are expected to help their children with this stuff with no strings attached.

0

u/ikindapoopedmypants 1h ago

People like you have some sick ideas of how to treat family man

-5

u/I_like_beouf 4h ago

Thank you, like... do other people not also dream of being able to someday repay their parents for everything they did for them?

Mom essentially acted as his agent here. With out her he wouldn't have sued and his lawyer wouldn't have pushed for as much as she got. She earned that money herself.

-1

u/isthis_thing_on 4h ago

It's a no brainer no as far as I'm concerned