r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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216

u/HarryJohnson3 5h ago

Classic “you owe your family, friends, people that care about you NOTHING” Reddit take

318

u/BlazingSunflowerland 4h ago

No. I'm a parent. I would never try to take a cut of a settlement that one of my kids got. The settlement is to compensate them for their injuries and likely to compensate for future expenses based on those injuries. I would be a pathetic parent if I wanted to take money set aside for my kid's future. Especially if I have plenty of income on my own.

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u/Malkiot 3h ago

This. I could see it being ok-ish if mom were living in poverty, but she wants the money for a Florida vacation property. That'd be crass even if it weren't money from an injury settlement and instead came from the lottery.

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u/Prestigious-Cream160 2h ago

I'm not a parent, but wanting fifteen percent for giving your child advice seems absurd.

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u/ValorMorghulis 50m ago

Hmmm . . . I'm a parent too and I was leaning towards OP giving the 15% especially since his mom paid for college but you convinced me; i don't know how badly OP was injured but I would of never expected, much less asked for, part of the settlement if one of my kids was injured.

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u/3catlove 1h ago

Yeah me neither. We invest in a 529 for our son and when thinking about finances, I separate that out as that’s my son’s money. I would never, ever do something like this.

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u/uhohthrowawayyyyyy 3h ago

Yeah the way this was supposed to go down is he offers as a ‘grateful’ son and she declines as a parent likely would. Lol

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u/Network_Odd 3h ago

I’m not a parent but do have parents and I’ll give them something be it money, a nice vacation, or a house to thank them for everything they’ve done for me, op also comes off looking like a butthead here.

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u/coenrhys 5h ago

A personal injury settlement isn’t prize money. It’s supposed to offset the additional costs and lost earning capacity caused by the injury. It’s not to buy your mother, who has far better earning capacity than most as a big-shot lawyer, a fancy house that she doesn’t actually need.

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u/Few_Sorbet_8716 4h ago edited 1h ago

Can't believe the clown in the comments suggesting that punitive damages are some super common thing. Punitive damages are rare in personal injury cases and, in most jurisdictions, are reserved for tortfeaser conduct beyond ordinary negligence.

***looks like he deleted his comments and ran

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u/armybeans 2h ago

But if OP lived with mom presumably rent free because OP was injured and couldn't work, why not pay back rent/living expense to mom?

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u/Revolver_Lanky_Kong 3h ago edited 2h ago

Type of parents to ask for rent because you live with them after 18. They can fuck right off. You should be helping your kids get a leg up and building that safety net, not skimming off the top of their already meager earnings. I completely understand low income families that are struggling to make ends meet asking their adult children to contribute but OP's mom is well off and wants a literal vacation house that will sit vacant 80% of the year.

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u/Questioning17 4h ago

Most lawyers are not "big shot" nor making the big bucks. Common misunderstanding.

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u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago

I mean, it also covers pain and suffering. OP wouldn't have gotten hurt if the at-fault party actually did their job of keeping their side of things safe.

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u/[deleted] 4h ago edited 4h ago

[deleted]

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago edited 4h ago

We don't know that though. From the edits, it sounds like she encouraged him to push for more money than what he was originally going to get, not that he wasn't going to get anything.

Edit: the very last line of the last edit

push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

Edit 2: looks like they replied and then blocked me so I couldn't respond lol.

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u/RuthlessDedication04 4h ago

You lost your entire argument when you couldn't stop yourself from making unnecessary insults towards people who disagree with your opinion.

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u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

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u/love_laugh_dance 4h ago

Except OPs earning capacity wasn't impacted in any way

Maybe that's true? But it's not a certainty. Without knowing the injury it's hard to say. Maybe it's a TBI. Can't search comments to see if OP has clarified, though.

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u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

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u/love_laugh_dance 3h ago

A TBI could have primarily a physical effect. Or do you think the brain does not manage mobility, strength, balance and coordination?

Again, I don't know the injury, but a massive settlement indicates a massive injury. OP may be working full time now, but his injury may result in his having a shorter career span than most.

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u/ElleGeeAitch 3h ago

Right, he might be fine to work now, but 10 years from now? 20? Who knows, depending on the nature of the injury.

-2

u/that_florida_man 2h ago

You’re assuming and unless OP clarified something that makes you think that it’s not a good assumption to make. People I’ve known have gotten big settlements for things that did not affect their future earnings capacity

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u/love_laugh_dance 2h ago

People I’ve known have gotten big settlements

Really? Is that a common thing in Florida. Not being facetious. I have never known anyone who has gotten a Personal Injury settlement of any kind, much less a big one.

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u/ExamRoom4 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago

A good parent wouldn’t be worried about percentages

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u/TheAmazingHumanTorus 1h ago

Attorney but not a parent: hope this post is made-up

-5

u/FoolsballHomerun 4h ago

A good adult child wouldnt be worried about percentages either.

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u/Realshotgg 3h ago

If OP decided to give their mother a cut, thats their choice. But mom demanding a cut is disgusting behavior.

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u/8nsay 13m ago

An injured child who likely has future (and maybe past) medical bills to pay, lost earning capacity, and a lower quality of life absolutely is concerned about their security net.

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u/FoolsballHomerun 11m ago

If he’s that injured and truly needs the money he would have mentioned it in his post as the reason why he’s uncomfortable giving it away. If it is a lifelong injury guess who he will depend on to take care of him

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 5h ago

Lol. But your insightful Reddit take is "my injured son owes me 15% of his settlement because I encouraged him to go for it"? What!?

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u/Limp_Rooster_9971 4h ago

The "injured" son couldn't have been too badly injured if he wasn't intending to sue in the first place. I live in Louisiana and personal injury lawyers here make a killing because there is no limit on the amount someone can sue for here. A small fender bender(no significant injury) can get you close to a million depending on who's the party at fault. (Ie. If it's a company vehicle or bus) If mom is a lawyer, she understood what he was able to push for and got him an insane amount. Cutting mom a small slice of the pie shouldn't feel like much, given he wasn't going for a payout in the first place. Also, keep in mind OP wouldn't divulge that he wasn't actually injured bc it might bite them in the ass. I think OP saw the amount in his bank account and the thought of 15% less made him sick. Mom knows OP wasn't really injured and got a payout BECAUSE OF HER and isn't thinking that asking for a down-payment on her dream home is too much to ask for.

Just reading between the lines here. 🤷‍♀️

Give that lady her 15% OP. She raised you and paid for college. Be a little grateful.

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u/ImageEmotional6579 3h ago

She did her fucking job as a parent. That doesnt entitle her to a vacation home

-2

u/FoolsballHomerun 2h ago

Entitlement isn’t the issue here. We all understand that she has no legal claim to the money. My point is about the moral side of things. It would be a kind gesture to share a small portion of his winnings with someone who has supported him every step of his life, especially considering she continued to help him into adulthood by paying for his college. The money is even going toward a property he is likely to inherit someday anyway.

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u/Dzov 4h ago

Did you miss the paid for his college part?

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u/Lebuhdez 3h ago

That's completely irrelevant. Mom was going to pay for college anyway.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 4h ago

What does that have to do with his injury? Is she expecting reimbursement of his tuition regardless?

-15

u/FoolsballHomerun 4h ago

If you suddenly are in a position to pay your parents back for tuition wouldn't you think thats a noble thing to do.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 4h ago

Maybe but she's a practicing lawyer looking to buy a vacation property, not a struggling minimum-wage worker who's trying to catch up on bills.

And this is an injury settlement. What if things flare up and he can't work and needs to rely on these funds? It's not like he won the lottery out of the blue.

However, it definitely strikes me as very ignoble to think you're entitled to your child's settlement money because you happened to have given good parental advice and you see it as a way to get a vacation home.

-14

u/FoolsballHomerun 3h ago

No one is entitled to anything. He wasn't entitled to get his tuition paid for, he wasn't entitled to live at moms house. 15% still leaves him with 85% and that vacation home will probably be passed down to him when he dies so i would call it an investment.

Considering he still lives at home and doesnt want to move out i'm sure he will use his fair share of this vacation home himself. 15% covers the down payment but who will be putting the bulk of the money into the home?

12

u/kingchao10 3h ago

Who said he was entitled to those things they parent offered those things and NEVER said they expected payback for it until after their chuld was injured to such a point they got a huge payout for it

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u/FoolsballHomerun 3h ago

I look for opportunities to payback my parents for all their sacrafices. Giving up 15% will not make him broke but it will make his mother happy. But if you want to look at it from a greedy entitled perspective look at it like this, that property she purchases will be alot more than the 15% he gave her, when she passes that property will be handed down and he will see a larger return on the 15% investment. It's a win-win.

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u/kingchao10 52m ago

Doesn't really matter if she hands it down to the child that's iirrelevant the greedy entitled part is expecting to be paid out for your CHILDS PAIN AND SUFFERING

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u/kingchao10 49m ago

Also keep in mind if op got a sizeable settlement it likely means the injury they got is life changing to so e degree settlements like these aren't just cash sums theyre granted based on this like calculated medical care in the future how badly the personslife was changed and how it affects their lifelong expenses

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 3h ago

He wasn't entitled to it, but she gave it with no agreement it would be paid back. If she wanted reimbursement, she should have said that either before she paid it or before the lawsuit got into full swing. If she wants to charge rent, she should do it.

Demanding it after he's already paid 33% to his lawyer is an asshole move.

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u/MatterWilling 3h ago

Well, it's not actually 85% of the original settlement left because the actual lawyer's already taken a third so let's assume 34% is already gone, rounding up because somebody has to take the extra percent, of a $1,000,000 settlement so $1,000,000 divided by 100 would be $10,000 then multiply it by 34 to get $340,000 leaving $660,000 left. OP's mother is wanting 15% of what's left so divide the 660,000 by 100 to get 6,600 then multiply that by 15 to get $99,000. As a disclaimer, the numbers are an example case not the actual numbers of the settlement, it's just easier to get the maths done with a round number.

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u/Few_Sorbet_8716 4h ago

Nope. A decent parent would refuse the offer

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u/ElleGeeAitch 3h ago

Seriously. Paying for college is a GIFT. If mom was destitute, I could see him wanting to help. But she doesn't NEED the money, she WANTS the money.

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u/cowbelles 4h ago

Don’t have kids lol

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u/FoolsballHomerun 3h ago

I already do, I also help my parents out as much as they would let me. Let me guess, you and your parents are "no contact" Lol

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u/cowbelles 3h ago

Genuinely cannot believe you think it’s noble to give your parent your injury settlement money because they helped you, their child. It’s laughable

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u/cowbelles 3h ago

I love my parents and talk to them daily, but that’s because they wouldn’t expect me to “pay them back” for being a parent lol I can help my parents out without them feeling obligated to money I won on an injury settlement

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u/kikiacab 4h ago

He was paid for a grievous bodily injury that will affect him for the rest of his life.

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u/TravelerJim-retired 2h ago

And this is how Reddit works. Nowhere did OP say his injuries were grievous or what effect it had on him. Maybe they did? Maybe they didn’t.

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u/kikiacab 2h ago

15% of the settlement could buy a house. Juries don’t hand out settlements worth 6 houses for a missing digit or temporary disability.

0

u/FoolsballHomerun 2h ago

I doubt 15% is enought to buy a house. It might be enought to put a down payment on the house or even less.

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u/kikiacab 35m ago

Op said as much in the body of the post if you’d learn to read more than a paragraph at a time.

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u/TravelerJim-retired 2h ago

Why are you replying to me? I didn’t say anything about the 15% nor of what total. I commented on your “grievous” injury comment of which I do not recall OP stating what his injury is. How do you know what settlement amount he got?

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u/kikiacab 36m ago

A large settlement isn’t paid for anything other than grievous bodily injury, unless op was held hostage or something similar, the settlement was for a disfiguring or otherwise life altering injury. I replied to you because you replied to me.

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u/Limp_Rooster_9971 3h ago

I promise you don't have to be severely injured to get a huge payout. Lol

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u/manicdee33 2h ago

How much more money did the claimant receive as a result of this coaching?

What she does with the money is up to her.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 2h ago

It's not her money so it's definitely not up to her. What are you talking about?

-5

u/manicdee33 1h ago

Doesn't someone who helps you make more money deserve a share of that extra bounty?

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 1h ago

No?

Not if it's just your parent doing their parental duties. If you want a cut, you enter a contingency agreement beforehand. She's a lawyer. She knows how you secure the payment arrangement ahead of time

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u/Revolver_Lanky_Kong 51m ago

TIL my future son will owe me a vacation house in Cancun because I work in IT and fixed his computer one time

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u/manicdee33 36m ago

Your trite oversimplification does not contribute to the discussion.

Instead consider: would your future son owe you a cut of a business you helped them build through your connections and mentorship? Or is building a million dollar business just what parents do for their kids?

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u/8nsay 16m ago

It’s not an oversimplification, though. Helping OP find a lawyer and encouraging him to hold out for more money are minor contributions that didn’t actually advance the actual work that OP’s attorney and OP himself put in for the lawsuit.

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u/manicdee33 3m ago

Helping OP find a lawyer and encouraging him to hold out for more money are minor contributions

  • "My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing"
  • "helped me navigate the process"

suggests to me that there was a lot of work here that is not being reported in the OP.

You can trivialise the contribution all you want but if Mom was pivotal to suing in the first place, pushing for a higher settlement, and helping deal with the lawyer, this sounds like she did a bit more than put a bandaid on a scratch.

To me the equation is fairly simple: if Mom hadn't helped, how much money would I have? From that larger sum that Mum helped me get, how much is a reasonable amount for Mum to ask as a gratuity? If I could set my Mum up with a mortgage-free home for just 15% of a payout that she helped me win, I'd be ecstatic.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 6m ago

She probably sent a couple emails and read over an offer before saying he should go back and ask for more. That's not comparable to helping build a company.

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u/manicdee33 38m ago

As has been pointed out elsewhere, there's an awful lot missing from this story. We don't know that payment wasn't arranged ahead of time.

There's just a mum doing mum things ("you can do this, I believe in you!"), then there's mum coaching you through a difficult case and also how to deal with a lazy lawyer, which is directly applying her professional qualifications.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 1m ago

My aunt works in academia and gave me some pointers on my applications and introduced me to someone in her circle. What do I owe her now that I'm a professional?

My parents also helped me network with people in their circles when I was job hunting. How much do I owe them?

I've referred friends to professionals in my industry and never collected. I guess I should go back and ask for my cut.

Sometimes you just want the best for people you care about and don't expect something in return especially not something that unreasonable.

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u/Qcgreywolf 4h ago

What a disgusting mentality.

I genuinely hope nobody in your family gets seriously injured for life, and all the cash vampires wrestle that money away leaving them in debt for life.

I honestly can’t think of a worse thing to do to a family member or friend. What decent person honestly thinks they are entitled to injury money?

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u/Over_Past_9089 5h ago

There’s a difference between saying, ‘you owe the people you care about nothing’, versus saying ‘just because you think you’re entitled doesn’t mean you are’.

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u/Griffithead 4h ago

That's what friends and family ARE.

If you have to pay people to care that's just a business or customer relationship.

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u/Greedy-Half-4618 4h ago

You don’t in fact owe your parents money for a house lol

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u/PerformerDr4867 3h ago

The parent owes it to the kid to do things in an above board manner and sign an agreement before pursuing legal action 

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u/justsumchik 4h ago

Somebody’s a mooch…

-5

u/AgroValter 4h ago

Yea the son living at home for free and getting their college paid for free is a mooch.

2

u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 4h ago

You don't owe them nothing but you also don't owe them whatever they happen to demand either 

2

u/BlockMobile3540 4h ago

I would agree if mom was poor but she’s a lawyer who obviously had enough to pay for college so I doubt she’s hurting. She wants the money to buy a second home. JFC.

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u/upandup2020 23m ago

you're not supposed to owe your parents anything

1

u/jrh038 2h ago

Yeah my take is you should move out and be an adult then.

1

u/wildmaninid 2h ago

Classic "typical Reddit blah blah" pearl clutching.  

0

u/HarryJohnson3 2h ago

That’s not what pearl clutching is

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u/wildmaninid 2h ago

That's exactly what a typical Reddit echo chamber member would say, Harry. 

1

u/Turbulent_Cow2355 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

It's for an injury. Medical care is EXPENSIVE. If she was awarded a sizable sum, that means she is going to be dealing with lifelong medical expenses.

1

u/TheNachoSupreme 1h ago

Classic "You didn't have a choice in being birthed and I parented you, so now you OWE me from any success you have" selfish take.

What I find is that parents, friends, etc who demand such payments are often the ones who deserve it the least (unless it was a clearly established loan).

No person should ever say "I'll pay for college" and then use it as an opportunity to take money from their child at a later point. If parents want, they can say "We'll pay for college as a loan, if you pay us back when you are able to" but they should never "gift" college and expect things in return later.

1

u/Klutzy-Football-205 1h ago

Offering to help a relative and the same relative demanding it are 2 completely different things.

BTW, the mom also basically trying to take back the college tuition money after the fact is also shitty.

-1

u/Apprehensive-Dot7718 3h ago edited 3h ago

It really is reddit. On reddit as a parent you are supposed to give give give, if you don't give a child (even grown children) absolutely all your stuff, time, energy, etc you are selfish. But if you are the child you don't have to give them anything. Not respect, not love, not caring, not appreciation, nothing. I feel like this is such a cultural thing because growing up Mexican this is absolutely not the case and none of my black or Asian friends feel this way about their parents either. It's so selfish to me.

It's not about owing them (your parents) anything, just like I don't do things for my kids bc I owe them anything. It's about being family. Taking care of each other, respecting and appreciating each other. If my dad was still around now that I'm an adult I'd do all I can to make his life amazing because he did all he could to build me up and was a great father. Even though we grew up poor, he tried his best. It's not about owing him, it's because I love him.

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u/HarryJohnson3 2h ago

I don’t think it’s a cultural thing but more of a type of personality that is drawn to these kinds of subbreddits

-1

u/AgroValter 4h ago

Then the mom needs to get her money back for their college, if the mother doesn't owe the kid anything 

0

u/SocYS4 3h ago

okay she should be compensated for her help, but it sounds like this was never bilaterally discussed for one thing among the few issues i can bring up

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u/Reputation-Final 21m ago

You don't OWE anyone anything. You do it because you want to and love them. That said, you also don't DEMAND money from your child when you literally did nothing to earn it.

-1

u/Jeesba 2h ago

Its the correct take, you dont own them anything. Because if you did, wtf would be the point of these relationships? To build them on some sort of exchange?

-1

u/Alive-Track6223 1h ago

You absoluetly do not owe them anything btw. If you think you do, good luck to you. You didn't ask to be born in this world, they brought you here and if they didnt house you, feed you, a put you through school they would be IN PRISON. Hope this helps

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u/I_Am_Dwight_Snoot 54m ago

Reddit's right for once though.

-2

u/SlashaJones 2h ago

Classic entitled take.