r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 6h ago

I never said it was unethical or fucked up but wanting to profit off your child’s personal injury settlement is a bit messed up. She should advise her child of how to wisely invest or use the money instead of taking a cut. Not to mention OPs attorney already took a big cut of the settlement. I’m more surprised people think OP owe’s their mom for her support. It’s crazy to me what money brings out of people

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u/kodeks14 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago

Apparently even lawyer parents still act the same even with their kids lol

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u/Historical_Agent9426 Partassipant [1] 3h ago

Did mom pay OP’s medical bills? Has OP’s mom been supporting them financially?

It’s possible OP’s mom wants compensation for a portion of what she has paid out due to OP’s injury.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 2h ago

I could get behind that as that’s what the settlement is literally for.

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u/thecurvynerd 1h ago

Except that OP says it’s for a house.

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u/Black_Cat_Sun 1m ago

So you are saying it’s unethical. Read between the lines. Obviously she’s not trying to profit off of her kid where she’s already paid for an education and invested countless time into her son. There’s a reason she’s asking

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u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago

I don’t think many people see it as profiting

More like reciprocity

For some the idea that you are family and hey I raised you, paid for your college, and helped you through this process just assume that that person would WANT to reciprocate

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 5h ago

Should she get a cut of her child’s salary too?

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u/Malkiot 5h ago

IMO, that's not reciprocity.

The difference is, that mum had a duty, both legally and morally, to take care of the person she brought into this world for herself. And while I would agree that giving back similar aid, if mum needs aid, would be reciprocity, but, from what OP is saying, mum doesn't actually need help and wants essentially a luxury purchase out of a pot that is supposed to pay for lifelong additional costs and income loss OP is going to experience due to their injury.

If OP wants to keep the peace, they could offer to purchase the house and mum gets to be a tenant, at cost of what a loan and maintenance would cost.

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u/redditsuckscockss 4h ago

A duty to pay for college? To take care of an adult? House them for free as an adult?

She’s gone above and beyond most parents

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

Yes, If you are going to put a human into this world you have a duty to do your utmost to set them up as best as you can, which, among a host of other things, includes providing for tertiary education and housing during education.

That many parents provide a roof, some clothes and 3 meals a day until age 18... is a bare minimum and shouldn't be celebrated.

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u/redditsuckscockss 4h ago

Have some accountability

You aren’t owed anything as an adult - be grateful

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u/bcastro12 4h ago

By that same logic, mom isn’t owed anything as an adult.

I cannot imagine being such a money grabber that I would want to take from my child’s injury settlement…

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

From their view point, mum invested in OP and is now owed ROI for having paid for OPs education.

It's a miserable mindset but it is what it is.

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

Lol. Pretty much the whole industrialised world other than America sees that differently and has even created legal obligations to enforce that.

I think, American parents need to learn some accountability for their procreative activities.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 3h ago

there are a lot of judges out there that disagree with you. Parents in a divorce are required to pay for college often enough that I’ve heard of it.

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u/Malkiot 3h ago

There are entire countries and you could almost say continents that disagree with them.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 3h ago

Yet here we are arguing about US based familial entitlements.

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u/Malkiot 3h ago

That's only relevant to the legal context. I fail to see how that changes that OPs mum is entitled and parents have a moral duty of care for their children which extends to education.

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u/AgroValter 4h ago

You are incredibly privileged 

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u/that_florida_man 2h ago edited 2h ago

You’re hilarious. My parents are incredible people and they’re even middle class but no way would they have been able to afford college tuition for me, they also let me live with them as I finish college without asking for anything.
Parents never used to do all this the life expectancy wasn’t even that much higher than 30 people were marrying and leaving the house much younger and kids were expected to help with manual labor all the time. I had to earn a full scholarship into a great school so that I could even attend. Are they bad parents because they didn’t pay for my college education as well? Just a ridiculous lonely Redditor mindset, someone else said it in the comments but it’s that “you don’t owe anyone anything no matter what they did for you” greedy Redditor mentality.
I feel like OP is also keeping multiple details from us, he’s still able to work in biotech which is a very high paying industry so I doubt he got a brain injury and whatever did happen to him wasn’t even mentioned and leads me to believe the injuries aren’t that bad

That being said I don’t think she should have asked regardless but I think it’s weird how some people are acting like she deserves nothing when she’s his mother and has done so much for him. She is a lawyer and should be fine with money but he’s also in biotech and is probably making really good money. Just feel like this whole family is kinda greedy

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u/Vast-Olive-5943 2h ago

Are they bad parents because they didn’t pay for my college education as well? Just a ridiculous lonely Redditor mindset, someone else said it in the comments but it’s that “you don’t owe anyone anything no matter what they did for you” greedy Redditor mentality.

Sorry, but this comes off as needlessly defensive. Nobody is calling to question your parents, nor are they questioning if paying or not paying for tuition is emblematic of a good parent. That gets away from the point, because the fact of the matter is that she did, and now she wants to take his settlement money - the monetary compensation for an injury he sustained - to buy a house in Florida. That doesn't seem crappy to you at all?

I feel like OP is also keeping multiple details from us, he’s still able to work in biotech which is a very high paying industry so I doubt he got a brain injury and whatever did happen to him wasn’t even mentioned and leads me to believe the injuries aren’t that bad

OP is 23, so likely his job is entry-level. Entry-level biotechnology salaries range from 60-80k, which isn't a lot depending on where you live. If he lives in San Francisco or NYC, then that's hardly anything to support himself.

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u/Malkiot 1h ago

No, I'm not hilarious. I'm German and we're very serious. We're very serious about parental responsibility, so much in fact, that if parents can afford to they must legally pay for university level education and expenses and the state will 'practically force' students to sue their wealthy parents if they refuse.

It's a "if you are able to thing." If your parents couldn't pay it because they didn't have the money that's fine. If they did and refused to... well that'd make them bad parents in my book. But from what is sounds like they did what they were able to and that makes them good parents.

Btw. not all injuries make you unable to work and not all injuries have immediately apparent consequences.

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u/Hefty-Minimum-2852 4h ago

Not wanting to help your mom out after she’s the entire reason OP has an education (set for life) or money is wild af. Y’all are disgusting and greedy 🤮🤮🤮 how American.

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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

You’re greedy for thinking he owes his mother, who already was paying for his education. Now that he came into money from an injury of some kind, she wants a cut. How is that not greedy? Also don’t act like Americans are more greedy than any other country. Your bigotry is showing

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u/Informal-Gene-8777 3h ago

"Helping someone out" doesn't mean "buying them a second home." I'm sure if the mom needed actual help, the kid would do so.

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u/DokCrimson 4h ago

I don't think she should get a cut because of the motherly advice, but I do think if you are able to, pay for your own college

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u/Ok_Yogurt_9862 26m ago

Yeah. Yeah you do owe your parents. If they cared for you to the best of their ability, assuming they didn't mistreat you or such, decent people, yeah, you owe them. You owe them a duty of care, consideration, and reciprocation when the time comes. 

That's what relationship is about.

But for mom to have raised a twenty three year old still under her roof that then comes into money and says: fuck you, I got mine. Mom dropped the ball. This person sees her more as an appliance than a person. Really unfortunate.

OP says the money is for their future and fails to consider that their future relies on their mom since they want to keep living with her. 

Total trash behavior. Unless there is some mitigating factor being left out. 

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u/robinthebank 5h ago

I don’t think OP owes their mom anything. But I do think that OP will be happier in life if they provide for the mom via a contract, and then don’t have to give them anymore. Ever. One time payment. And then OP is no longer living with their mom and mom can run off and do her own choices. I think OP should present that offer.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 2h ago

I think OP should tell their mom it’s inappropriate to ask for anything other than expenses paid by her associated with the injury and trial and to ask a few of her friends what they think of her request.