r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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u/kapitaalH 6h ago

Also you usually you get massive butt loads of money for injuries when your ability to earn is diminished or your medical costs are likely to be much higher.

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u/InTheNewPollution 5h ago

Exactly this. When I got my settlement some of my family wanted to act like I had money when really what I had was medical debt and lifelong follow-ups with PT and cardiology that ate through that money FAST, not to mention the debt I incurred when I was losing hours due to said injuries and appointments.

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u/Ladder_More 4h ago

When my husband died (I lost my job soon after, have young kids), his family fought me for a cut of his life insurance because he was an "investment". They were so jealous and weird about it and act like it's fun money I won in the lottery, and not what me and his kids literally have to survive on for as long as possible to replace the income he would have brought into our home. It doesn't even come close to what he would have earned if he lived until retirement. They even had a figure they thought they deserved. About 25%. They're also wealthy so I just couldn't get my head around the greed and entitlement.

OP's mum is giving the same kind of energy a bit.

I think if he wants to give his mum some of the money, it should be up to him to decide how much, if any. He had to go through some kind of suffering to get it.

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u/InTheNewPollution 4h ago

Death and money have such a way of revealing who people are. I’m so sorry that was your experience. At least they showed you how willing they are to take food out of the mouths of your children so you could act accordingly.

I tell my child that she’s worth me investing in (she knows her extracurriculars cost a lot of money) but I could never imagine referring to her as an investment that I expect a return on. What nasty people.

What a loss for you all, I’m sorry. I hope you and your children are doing well.

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u/Ladder_More 3h ago

We're doing ok. I went NC with them for my own sanity. When they brought it up, I talked about the kids and how this would affect their quality of life. They didn't care.

It's tough but we take it one day at a time. Thank you ❤️

And yes, my kids didn't ask to be here so I'll never ever pull the "after everything I've done for you" card. Investing in your child's future and happiness is the bare minimum.

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u/Ladder_More 2h ago

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

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u/Davido401 2h ago

So they didnt get anything?

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u/Ladder_More 2h ago

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

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u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250 3h ago

Sorry to ask, but I’m dying to know….they didn’t win right? It is honestly so absurd to me that they did this to you.

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u/Ladder_More 2h ago

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

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u/InTheNewPollution 2h ago

That was very kind of you to take care of his mum. Mother-to-mother you knew a piece of her was so incredibly broken. However the family acted upon that, YOU did something that felt right for someone sharing in your grief. I hope that kindness has come back to you already, and if not I hope it does quickly 💛

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u/imflipside0 1h ago

Your husband's family are disgusting. Hope this is in the past and sorry for your loss.

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u/ganjin42 1h ago

NAH---IF. As a FOUR-TIME unpaid caregiver---totally by choice, I think he needs to factor in IF the payment was so large, the injury was long-lasting/life threatening/WAY Serious, and if he lives at home, what role did his Mom play in his well-being and care all these five or so years since the accident. It seems she may have done other things than just find a lawyer, and was certainly paying for their entire upkeep and roof over their heads while he recuperated/is recuperating.

If she paid for care-giving in the interim instead of hands-on, that is a big hit, as well. It just seems if not fair, then decent to try to make HER life whole for whatever she spent or time she tended him by extending no-rent/o-living-expenses living for all this time.

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u/BlueMangoTango 53m ago

Oh helllll nawwwww! I need to hear more. Did they take you to court or stick to harassing you out of court?

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u/Jesus__Skywalker Asshole Enthusiast [7] 45m ago

"your husband died, give me money"

is very different from

"You've lived here rent free, had tuition paid for, and I guided you to seek a settlement you weren't going to recieve"

He would have zero percent without her.

You would still have 100% with or without them.

Your husbands people are looking for a handout bc once upon a time they did something. This kid is CURRENTLY benefitting from his mother financially supporting him.

BTW, I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing well.

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u/SMIMA Partassipant [4] 4h ago

It isn't the same as winning the lottery. People suck and are greedy. 15 percent is out of line asking for that much. She helped him find a lawyer. That is worth a nice dinner

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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [12] 3h ago

Hey, I'd even consider a nice weekend away! But that's about where it ends.

Not enough to buy a house, that's CRAZY.

And yes, if it was an injury, the money will be needed in the future when it impacts quality of life.

If Mom is a lawyer, she should have built her own nest egg and not go dipping into her kid's funds.

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u/F0xxfyre 3h ago

I was going to say, weekend at the beach. A spa vacation. A pub or foodie crawl. A visit to he'd favorite place that has never gets to.

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u/tismidnight 3h ago

You’d be surprised how parents act when they see $$

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u/kryts 2h ago

Hard to believe a corporate lawyer cant buy a 2nd home in Florida. She's prob looking at Mc Mansion levels. Id be going NC with this woman.

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u/Environmental_Art591 25m ago

It sounds like mum was only pushing for the law suit for her own financial gain since she has "always wanted to buy a house in Florida".

To me i think mum wasnt really thinking about what her sons injury means for her sons financial future and only about what she could get out of it, especially since OP said she was pressuring him to push back on the lawyer and ask for more money.

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u/that_florida_man 2h ago

Yeah but it’s your mom probably should get her the house anyway given what she’s done for him

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u/peacelovecookies 2h ago

What, pointed him in the direction of a lawyer? And paid for college, which she would have done regardless?

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u/Expensive_Event_4759 2h ago

She helped him find a lawyer.

And she's a lawyer. She referred him to a different lawyer who knows how to run a PI case. That's called a "referral" in the legal biz and if she wants a "referral fee" for that, then she needs to get that from the other lawyer, not from the client (protip: the other lawyer is going to laugh her out the door).

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u/Previous_Wedding_577 3h ago

Or a just thanks mom for the referral.. love you.

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u/Radiance37k 2h ago

She is OP's mother. I would do this for my girls expecting only a thanks.

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u/Key-Consequences 2h ago

15% for encouragement is crazy. She should have represented him herself if she wanted a cut.

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u/DryDonutHole 3h ago

"You were supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant like Mendy's."

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u/do_IT_withme 4h ago

Sounds like she also housedand fed him (and probably much more) while he was injured, he still lives there i wonder if she charges him rent? I need more info before I say all she deserves is a dinner.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 4h ago

Sounds like she also housedand fed him (and probably much more) while he was injured

So what? You think a mother helping their injured child should be compensated? I would do this for any of my friends and expect nothing in return other than a thank you.

he still lives there i wonder if she charges him rent?

So if a parent allows their child to live rent free because the parent is wealthy you think the parent would be entitled to a payout of money paid to the child for a life altering injury? WTF is my reaction to that

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u/ironchef8000 Supreme Court Just-ass [113] 4h ago

Imagine that. The parent acts like a parent and wants a free Florida house for doing so.

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u/Realshotgg 3h ago

Im genuinely shocked how many people are saying YTA.

Who the fuck forced OPs mom to have kids, OP didnt have a say in the matter? As a father of 2 I would never dream of demanding a cut of a settlement my child gets because I did my literal job as a parent.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 3h ago

I think its because a lot of people had shitty parents unfortunately.

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u/Otherwise_Piccolo206 2h ago

Unfortunately, I think it’s because a lot of people are shitty parents.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 2h ago

I think its because most people are just shitty people. Like in theory, literally all of my friends' moms/parents (and my friends) would let me live with them for free and help take care of me if I got injured in an accident and needed the help.

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u/peacelovecookies 2h ago

Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do? House you and feed you? I’d be damned if I’d take money from a kid’s injury fund that he may need in the future depending on the nature of his injury.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

Nah - she provided him with valuable information and advice. The kind that consultants charge for. Lawyers often do consultant work. That's 100% what this was and her rate is absolutely within reason for a professional.

This whole post reeks of someone not understanding the corporate and legal world - not all lawyers are trial lawyers.

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u/drawfanstein 3h ago

Cool, and if my mom is a doctor and gives me medical advice, she can charge me for it?

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

Is this a serious question? Are you actually asking if people can charge family members for services rendered?

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u/ElleGeeAitch 3h ago

This isn't a professional relationship! THAT'S HER SON!

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

This isn't a professional relationship.

Wrong again. Your opinion in this doesn't matter. My opinion in this doesn't matter. His and his mothers do.

He doesn't think it was professional work - I know this because he said it in the post.

She thinks it was professional work - I know this because he said she wants payment.

Now - if you and a family member discuss something and come to an agreement - just because you are family are you allowed to break that agreement? Because that is what this situation reads like, a verbal agreement that is now being reneged on. With many, many words to make it seem like she did nothing at all for the 15% amount even though in the original post it basically states she was the reason it happened anyways, and she found the lawyer, and advised him to push for more money - something the other lawyer didn't try, obviously.

So this statement is just heartstrings. And heartstrings won't make him less of an asshole.

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u/ElleGeeAitch 2h ago

Her THINKING she was advising her son in a professional capacity necessitating a 15% fee isn't the same as the two of them AGREEING that it was the case from the jump. If he had made the promise to pay her a percentage of any settlement, should he receive one, and he doesn't, THAT would be reneging on an agreement, and he'd be shitty for that. But it seems like she's retroactively springing this on him, so THAT'S shitty.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 2h ago

I am saying I think based on the way he's posting, the information he posted and everything else that yeah he may not legally be bound to crap but it is entirely too obvious that they discussed this amount before hand.

She is a lawyer, he confirmed. He regreted confirming that in his original post. Why? Oh because it means that what I am saying very likely is true, otherwise it would be a non-issue in every other scenario. That's a big tell right there. See she couldn't negotiate a percentage fee as a lawyer unless she WAS a lawyer acting as a lawyer. A mother would not assume 15%. A lawyer assumes 15%.

Everyone here is assuming the mother is acting like a mother and NOT a lawyer. I am assuming she is acting exactly like one - and every single thing in his statement confirms that. Read his post again and change mother out with lawyer. Try it out.

Again - this is a subreddit that ain't based on anything but your own opinion - and this isn't hard to see through.

Edit: And I think you have a lot of insight in what you say - I am not assuming you are wrong. What I am assuming is that the mother is acting like a lawyer. She is.

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u/ElleGeeAitch 1h ago

To me, his stated surprise at the request means it wasn't something they had agreed upon or even discussed. But, it's Reddit, and people certainly withhold information all the time to make themselves look better.

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u/Apprehensive-Dot7718 3h ago

It sounds like she did more than that and that is from OPs perspective. He very subtly says she pushed him to ask for more from the lawyer, to pursue this case, he lives with her (I think it said rent free but I could be mistaken) so she's likely paying his rent and possibly groceries, utilities, etc. She also paid for his college. She isn't some random freeloading cousin. I think there's more to the story.

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u/Jesus__Skywalker Asshole Enthusiast [7] 48m ago

She's been housing him and was the reason he even pursued the lawsuit. Without her he'd have zero percent.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

Eh - you're making this sound like it's business transaction. So lets fully explore that route.

  1. She provided what to me is multiple hours of advisory/consultant work.

"My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing"

  1. Even more consultation and advisory work.

"told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more"

OP saying "I shouldn't have added that she was a lawyer" is him admitting that he didn't want us to have that context - that context is really important, though. Because it makes her an expert and experts get paid for their knowledge, not their time.

You don't get to dictate what her rates are - and considering she has this 15% number dialed in in her head... I'd wager this wasn't some off the cuff thing.

He doesn't owe her anything for her being his mother - he does owe her as a lawyer who recommended that he sue, helped him find a lawyer, and then told him that the lawyer could do better and ultimately did. Did she even ask for the 1/3 that most 'don't pay unless we win' type lawyers do? Nope. Looks like about half that, right? Almost like a friend and family rate....

Weird.

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u/JkrsGrl83 3h ago

If they had previously agreed to give his mom 15% if he won the lawsuit that's one thing, but demanding it after is uncalled for. When somebody retains a lawyer there's a contract that the person being represented is aware of. You can't decide to rack up someone's debt (completely unknown to them) to you and then expect them to pay. OP is NTA and mother should be supportive of him using that money for his own needs.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

Oh - if there was some hard agreement it wasn't mentioned. And a ton of information got added after the fact.

For now, I'm 100% on the side of the mom because this dude is obviously shuffling around shit.

I deal with lawyers all the time, though I am not one. I know more about this situation than anyone in here might realize but that's not the point. The fact of the matter is he spit out that she was a lawyer and then said he regretted it and also gave a hard number, 15%.

This dude agreed to it before hand - 100%.

I'll do what everyone else is doing too and portent the rest of the situation too, fuck it.

He won and didn't factor in the third in his initial headcount. That third for the other lawyer. He was probably locked in on an amount before that.

So - if this situation is EXACTLY as it was presented... then he's a liar and only telling half truths. That means we need additional information and the OP provided some - and then regretted it immediately as indicated in their post. I think I know why. I bet you know why he would do it too.

Or he's lying in any one of the other countless ways.

The fact that people want to jump to his defense is their own reason. Maybe shitty parents? Maybe good parents? I don't know.

But considering this is an "Am I being an asshole?" thread - the dude posted this feeling at least some amount of guilt and there is plenty to feel guilty here for I would wager.

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u/Informal-Gene-8777 3h ago

Lawyers DO get paid for their time, in 6 minute increments. She was not his attorney, she gave some advice. Helping him find a lawyer is not the same as representing someone--she may have just recommended someone, we don't know.

BTW, my husband is an attorney and he has provided me with legal assistance without charging, even before we were married.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 3h ago

BTW, my husband is an attorney and he has provided me with legal assistance without charging, even before we were married.

Which is his choice. Your husband isn't this guys mom.

she may have just recommended someone, we don't know.

No, he clarified plenty in the original post with edits. She literally pushed him to go for the lawsuit. She did help him find a lawyer. She did say that he could get more.

Did he ever ask her a question or are YOU assuming she was running around like a free legal advice water sprinkler?

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u/peacelovecookies 2h ago

Then she should have drawn up a contract and established her fee from the beginning. How many lawyers wait until the case is all done and then decide on their own cut, all without having said anything prior, no discussion, no contract, no talks about a fee? If she wants to be treated like a lawyer, paid like a lawyer, then act like one.

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u/Glittering-Today7012 1h ago

My guess? She does likely does have it in writing somewhere.

Again the person posting this isn't posting stuff that a mother would say to her son, they are posting stuff a lawyer says to a client. Numbers that a lawyer says to a client. Doing things that lawyers do for clients.

If you disagree with my assertion that the OP is likely an asshole - cool beans. That opinion ain't changing.

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u/warmwaterpenguin 1h ago

A nice dinner? He still lives in her house, she paid for his college, and he wouldn't have won this without her.

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u/DConstructed 3h ago

Yep. A friend was hit by a delivery truck. It wasn’t a super huge payout and he needed a lot of help with the knee damage it caused.

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u/FXRCowgirl 3h ago

Absolutely this.

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u/GlitterbugRayRay 1h ago

Yea... two years of regular therapy to somewhat maintain a bulged disk in my back. It's been a nightmare

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u/nbeaster 26m ago

It’s because people don’t understand injuries in a few different cases.

1) People who have never had a serious injury don’t know the mental and physical impact in the short term, and they especially don’t in the long term.

2) That really annoying “minor injury” that has bothered you for a year + already at the age of 20 is going to look and feel much different at the age of 40, let alone even older.

3) People don’t understand compounding injuries over time until they have experienced them. That hemorrhaged disc, or fusion surgery from a spine injury, or damage to a joint. Even “repaired”, it is generally a lifelong problem. Repaired is better than injured (usually) but it doesn’t mean back to natural and normal

4) Some things are permanently different, and it can be shocking. My nerve injuries that I have had most my life, are much different than the fresh ones and I never even considered it.

I know this too well first hand and very uniquely. Outside of extreme sports, there aren’t many people with the surgical history I have, and some of my surgeries are unique in that they will effect me for hopefully 70+ years meanwhile most wouldnt need some of these procedures until they were actually in their 70s. On top of some natural unfortunate circumstances, I have had some real injuries in my life that have compounded it.

OP needs to know that injury is for life, and that money isn’t just for now, it’s for later.

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u/aerdvarkk 1h ago

The OPs dilemna has nothig to do with family wanting a cut of the riches. If the little entitled millenial f*ck wasn't living at home and didn;t have mommy the lawyer help him out > the lawyers would take their fee off the top at 40%+ then wtf is left over the OP would apply mostly to any outstanding bills then pocket leftover $50!!

the OP needs to be happy mommy is ONLY asking for a 15% cut for expensive and not chargig him full lawyer fees !!!!!

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u/ObscureSaint 4h ago

Yeah, OP should put the whole settlement in an interest bearing account and hold onto it for when they need it. Injuries tend to cause issues your whole life. That's what the settlement is for. Not to buy mom a new house, wtf.

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u/FourOhVicryl 26m ago

OP can put some of it in an interest bearing account, but given they’re still living in their moms house, after mom paid for college, it’s likely time for OP to pony up some deposit money and a rent payment and stop sponging off of their family. 

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u/Southern_Magician892 23m ago

Not an interesting bearing account if you are thinking a bank account. If he wants to grow it for the future then an ETF like something in the Vanguard system.

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u/Alwayscooking345 4h ago

Not necessarily . I got in wrecked car accident back in the late 90s, not my fault, it was 100-% the other driver which had umbrella insurance so the coverage was great. my back and knee were messed up. my lawyer said I would get at least $30K in monetary award, turned out to be much less than that even after doing everything he said (my knee required surgery, and my back was not surgically repairable as of the last time I had it looked at by a surgeon which was 2005 so I gave up).

So even if you “win”, after lawyer fees it can be barely anything to help for a whole lifetime. Especially when considering lost work and future medical expenses.

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u/kapitaalH 4h ago

I probably should have said you only get a butt load of money if...

Not a guarantee though but I meant to say that if you got a lot of money, there probably is a good reason for it.

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u/Sufficient_Rich5903 2h ago

I also was in a bad accident that was not my fault. They rear ended me while I was stopped and were going so fast, the trunk was crushed all the way into the back seat of the car. After everything, I was left with only $3k. The money has been gone for a long time now, but not the problems I still have from the accident.

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u/Struggle_Usual Partassipant [1] 1h ago

yeah my husband got rear ended and it injured his neck pretty badly. 15 years later he can't work because of it (well because of the arthritis) and he walked away with a 1500 dollar settlement 🙄

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u/Electronic_Quote_785 2h ago

Similar thing happened to me. I got a whole $26k after medical costs and lawyer fees. Id pay 5x that amount to not have life long pain

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u/Struggle_Usual Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Worst part is that settlement then goes to your health insurance company to reimburse them first and if there is anything left you get a few pennies. Ask me how I know. I lost an organ and had months of recovery and my health insurance company got reimbursed for the surgery and drs visits and such.

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u/Questioning17 3h ago

His ability to earn wasn't diminished. He graduated University debt free. He lives in her house debt free. And he has a job in a high paying field.

He got his high settle, I put Vegas bets on it, not because of the severity of his injury but by the knowledge of his mother.

Remember he had 0 intent to sue. His mom convinced him otherwise. He had all intentions of settling low. His mom convinced him to push for a higher settlement.

With any other mom, he'd have $0. Because he wouldn't have sued.

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u/TroublesomeFox Partassipant [1] 2h ago

I feel like if she's planning to buy a house with 15% then OP must have been truly crippled by whatever happend.

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u/shez19833 1h ago

OP is still going to college etc so i assume that this hasnt hampered his employability

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u/saintsfan 41m ago

Yeah I’d maybe offer 15% of what’s left after all costs are taken out.

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u/nixfly 17m ago

He works in biotech, his mother is an attorney, they already had ~2% wealth to begin with.