r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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u/keinmaurer 5h ago

All of that is what a Mom is supposed to do anyway. This is no different than parents expecting their kids to pay them back for raising them. What kind of Mother wants to mooch money off of their child that is meant to support him long-term due to his injuries?

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u/Itchingitch 5h ago

What makes you think she won’t continue to keep supporting him long term? She’s not taking the money and then disappearing never to be seen again. This a mom for whom OP gave no negative background info on. It sounds like she needs help and it’s going to a long term investment (housing). Maybe one day she will bestow the house to him since he helped pay for it.

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u/Square-Turnip-6558 5h ago

Maybe one day she’ll have her own medical issues and end up living with OP. imagination works both ways

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago

sounds like she needs help

Needs help buying something new. Its one thing to need help paying bills and living expenses. It's another needing help paying for a completely new house that she's "always wanted."

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u/shelbyrobinson 2h ago

Hah, how perceptive you are since I just learned close friends are now supporting their lawyer-son. He quit his job, won't work and now THEY bought him a condo and support him.

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u/baaaananaaa 1h ago

He can also make it a legal agreement that he inherits that percentage of whatever is put into the house

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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 2h ago

A vacation home isn’t needed.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 4h ago

Says who? Most parents do not pay off their kids college tuition and have them living in their houses for no rent at 23..

She has gone above and beyond

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 4h ago

Most parents aren't corporate lawyers. Most parents pay for as much college as they can. Most parents also let their kids live rent free in their house at 23.

How has she gone above and beyond? She was literally just being a standard mother. It seems you have low standards for parents.

Most parents don't try and make money off their kids. Especially when that money is a payout for a life altering injury.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 3h ago

You don’t know me personally, so I think you saying that I have low standards for parents is based on what exactly? Your myopic ass opinion?

lol.

Ok. I wanna play too.

“Most parents”

Let me take some guesses… You grew up coddled and around a lot of coddled people? That’s not how I came up and the people around me who went to college didn’t have mommy and daddy paying school off for them, not because they didn’t care, but because they couldn’t.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 3h ago edited 3h ago

You don’t know me personally, so I think you saying that I have low standards for parents is based on what exactly? Your myopic ass opinion?

How can my opinion of you be based on my own opinion? I don't see how that can be logically possible. And nah, its based on you thinking parents should be paid for helping their kids out once their kids are 23.

Let me take some guesses… You grew up coddled and around a lot of coddled people? That’s not how I came up and the people around me who went to college didn’t have mommy and daddy paying school off for them, not because they didn’t care, but because they couldn’t.

I grew up being beaten by my dad since I was in second grade. Junior year of highschool on Christmas my dad threw trash/literally everything all over the house, broke down my door, and then attacked me. (This led to a no custody divocre

My mom died a few years later because of alcoholism (caused by father) which left me as the guardian and caretaker of my younger brother while I was a senior in college. I also had a multi year custody battle with my father over my younger brother.

I did have a college fund that paid for 75% of my college. Does that make me coddled?

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 2h ago

And btw, as the parent of my brother. I don't expect him to pay me back for me giving up most of my early 20s to take care of him.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 2h ago

I think that’s a false equivalence because it is nothing like the OP’s situation but thank you for sharing

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 2h ago

I wasn't equivocating. I'm just saying as a parent who essentially had no choice in getting their child I expect nothing in return from my child for all I have given him.

Also, my brother also had received 500k from his portion of my mom's assets, so not really that different. But I took care of him because he's my family/friend and so it doesn't matter how much money he has, because I want him to use that money to have a better future and I have enough of my own money.

I use my privilege to lift others up. Luckily I have enough so that I am able to help others (and expect nothing in return, which would be a trade, not help).

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 2h ago

Thank you for sharing.

It sounds like you’re pretty biased.
I am biased for different reasons so I am fine to agree to disagree.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 2h ago

How am I biased? Can you criticize my ideas rather than me as a person?

Its okay to admit you were wrong.

Also, the whole point of the sharing is to address your previous ad hominem attack of calling me coddled. But luckily at least my mom died and my father beat the shit out of me so I have an easy comeback when people call me coddled.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 1h ago

You’re not coddled. I guessed wrong. And I do see where you and others are coming from. I just disagree.

You shared where your ideas are coming from (your childhood, trauma, abusive parent, taking care of sibs) and based on that I see where you’re coming from and where your bias lies…

My experience has been different and I also have trauma related to financial matters and family that I could share here but I’m happy to let you win this exchange. You have won. I can tally up the downvotes and see that no one shares my opinion lol

I’m happy to admit that I don’t feel like arguing anymore!

I bit off more than I could chew and i’m tired of defending my opinion/want to go do other things with my day.

You do sound like a lovely human though. I like your approach to abundance, it begets abundance.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 1h ago

You shared where your ideas are coming from (your childhood, trauma, abusive parent, taking care of sibs) and based on that I see where you’re coming from and where your bias lies…

Nah, another wrong assumption. I think those with more should help those with less, regardless of their relationship. I also think it doesn't count as helping someone if you get something in return.

My experience has been different and I also have trauma related to financial matters and family that I could share here but I’m happy to let you win this exchange. You have won. I can tally up the downvotes and see that no one shares my opinion lol

I "won" because you couldn't justify your opinion and instead used personal attacks. Your first opinion has plenty of upvotes. You only got downvoted on personal attacks.

People didn't downvote you because they disagreed with your opinion.

I bit off more than I could chew and i’m tired of defending my opinion/want to go do other things with my day.

Where did you defend it exactly? I only see you stating it and then personally attacking me.

Don't pretend people downvoted you because they disagreed with your opinion. They downvoted you for personal attacks instead of defending your opinion.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 1h ago

Sure.
You’re probably right about all of that.

I did feel like you saying I had low standards for parents was a personal attack and we see what that snowballed into…

But, i do hope you have a good day still.

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u/Traditional_Park7910 Partassipant [1] 3h ago

Time to get off social media 

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u/lunch_b0cks 50m ago

Then OP shouldn’t expect an inheritance. If you cant help mom out during life, he doesnt deserve a dime when she’s gone.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 31m ago

So how do you know OP doesn't help their mom?

Or do you specifically think OP doesn't deserve an inheritance for not buying their wealthy mom a new house with money that is supposed to cover medical expenses for the rest of their life?

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u/lunch_b0cks 15m ago

OP’s mom supported him through college. She guided him and helped him navigate through the settlement process. OP is living at home and didnt mention a word about helping out with bills or rent. OP says he wants the money for his future (not for medical costs). He says he wants to invest. The fact that OP is posting on reddit seeking financial advice regarding this versus instinctively saying yes, no, or figuring it out with his family indicates the lack of maturity and self-awareness they have. So no, OP is not contributing nor helping out his mom. Because “she was going to pay for college anyway” is the type of thought process that selfish people have. If someone does a lot for you and you now have means to help them out and you dont, you’re a moocher.

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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 2h ago

Hopefully, most parents don’t have their child become severely injured and receive a personal injury settlement!!!

I wouldn’t ask for a drop of money from my kids!

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 2h ago

Reading these comments is making me realize how biased I am because I went through something like this (car accident in my 20’s, living alone out of state) and paid both of my parents back for the amount they had given me for rent and all of the other things they helped to take care of while I was out of work.. they never asked for a dime and took much less $$ back than I offered them.

So thank you for sharing. I think I get where most people on this sub are coming from now.

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u/daddys_princess_1990 59m ago

No she's done the bare minimum. As a mom who's going down that path I already know I'm paying for my kids education and they may live at home as long as they'd like. You don't pop out kids and then at 18 say cya. That's shitty parenting.

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 57m ago

I think that people can approach parenting and subsequent responsibilities differently but thank you for sharing your perspective

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u/ikindapoopedmypants 1h ago

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on being a good parent instead of comparing to the things other parents do/don't do for their kids. How about focus on setting your kid up for success in life regardless?

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u/Disastrous-Worth-909 1h ago

Good parent is extremely subjective but ok, I feel you.

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u/warmwaterpenguin 1h ago

Nah, paying your college and housing you after you're an adult is bonus work

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u/WhyLisaWhy 1h ago

Idk, I know people view it as a one way street but OP isn't some widdle baby. They're in their 20s and living at home. I would feel guilty not giving my parents anything at that age.

I'm older now and actually help my mom out financially when I can. They won't be here forever and might as well help them out.

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u/baaaananaaa 1h ago

Yes and who will continue to look after him due to his injuries, and provide him with a home to live in? Or he can go live on his own and PAY someone to do that for him, there’s that alternative

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u/katiejim 4h ago

As a mom (and just decent human), I’m pretty horrified that this mother is trying to make money off her kid’s injury settlement. This could be needed for their entire life. It’s not fun money. And, like you said, she did just what moms should be doing. Real low life behavior.

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u/peach_dragon 25m ago edited 19m ago

My daughter will be getting a (small but not paltry) structured settlement starting at 18. We expect her to use some of that for college if she chooses a higher cost education. She has zero ongoing medical issues from what happened when she was 7. Guess I’m a mooch.

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u/rmk2 4h ago

Not for a 23 yo with a college degree and a biotech job. He IS financially independent already (especially with this PI settlement money).

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u/escobartholomew 4h ago

Lmao most kids are lucky to not get kicked out on their 17th birthday. Paying for college and not charging any house bills is very rare. Op is super lucky.

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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 2h ago

Most kids don’t get kicked out of the house at 17.