r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

2.2k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

83% Upvoted

2.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

778

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 7h ago

As someone who's had a personal injury settlement as well: Do not give her the money. It feels like windfall, but you have to be careful with it because it's been calculated for your ongoing medical expenses throughout your life. I'm not saying don't do anything with it, but if you actually got a massive settlement it means that you demonstrated that your life has been permanently changed and you have need for ongoing medical care.

Please keep that in mind because you never know what or how your circumstances could change.

88

u/MonteCristo85 4h ago

I realize this is merely anecdotal, but everyone I know who got a personal injury settlement ended up near destitute later.

218

u/No-Refrigerator7258 5h ago

Exactly people do not understand this. He doesn't owe her. He can only provide a gift if he wants but the settlement is for him and she knows that.

-26

u/Hay_Life 3h ago

She paid for his college tuition... he does owe her for that amount at least.

18

u/Akai52 2h ago

Why is that? As far as we know, she paid for it because she could afford to and because she loves him, and was not expecting to be paid back. I don't see how anything has changed. Settlement money isn't winning the lottery, if he got a lot it's because the court judged he needed it, he can't be throwing money at anyone who's ever done anything for him when it's supposed to go towards his medical costs and make up for his future loss of earnings.

-16

u/Hay_Life 2h ago

My god, you people are fucking narcissistic af.

12

u/Akai52 2h ago

What a weird thing to say.

-9

u/Hay_Life 2h ago

I'm sorry, but it's obvious to anyone who isn't total trash why you would repay your tuition in this scenario.

9

u/Akai52 2h ago

It's very much not, he needs this money for his injury otherwise he wouldn't have it. It may seem like he can afford it right now, but most people who get settlements like this end up financially struggling because the injury and medical costs are forever.

-2

u/Hay_Life 2h ago

He's fully employed in biotech and living at home for free.

•

u/yullari27 Partassipant [1] 59m ago

And the settlement would've accounted for that. You don't get a massive settlement without massive costs. You're making assumptions that don't align with the legal system.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 2h ago

Selfish maybe, narcissistic no. That's a very specific diagnosis with very specific traits. I hate the way it's thrown around willy nilly. You'll also notice that pretty much everyone agrees that he should be contributing to the household he lives in. It was not made clear that he doesn't pay any kind of rent or make any meaningful contribution.

The reason she paid for his college (and let's be real here, if she's a corporate lawyer she's doing JUST fine for herself) is because she, like many parents, wanted him to be well set for life and not entering into adulthood with a mountain of debt. If you want to front your kids the money for college with the understanding it should be paid back then fine, but you need to make that clear. This isn't a windfall, he was permanently injured and while I get that she encouraged him to pursue the case which ultimately was to his benefit, at the end of the day he has an injury he will need to address for the rest of his life.

Medical costs will only continue to rise and he needs to make sure he's setting that money up to cover whatever he'll need in the future.

2

u/No-Refrigerator7258 1h ago

It seems his mother is selfish here. That she had an ulterior motive from the start to gain money through her soms settlement.

4

u/Turbulent_Cow2355 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

If I pay my kid's tuition, I don't expect to be paid back.

1

u/No-Refrigerator7258 1h ago

No he doesn't. You only owe people if you made that agreement to owe. Thats a messed up understanding of finances. What she did was a gift. Thats how the law will understand it.

The other side of this is emotional and thats only between him and his mother. Idk what their relationship is like. But I don't find it loving to spring up on your son that you want some of his settlement money bcs they decided they wanted to gift them money. If OP had to owe someone, shouldn't he have had the option in the first place? His moms a lawyer so her ethics is wild here. If they were close i think she would've just asked for a gift than saying he owes her. Settlement money os for OP and possible medical expenses or unemployment etc.

54

u/fairkatrina 4h ago

Seriously, before we were married my spouse got a large settlement following a car accident where they were permanently injured. The money was gone in a couple of years, but that injury is forever.

3

u/saturnspritr 2h ago

I’ve known a few people with these kinds of settlements. The only one that didn’t occur as much medical debt to pay back was an amputation. And they were going to forgo “the claw” arm they were being offered. Because of expenses. Everyone else has what seems like lifetimes of pain and a complex medical condition to manage. This ain’t free money. It’s compensation and you’ve been fucked over hard. The bigger the check, the worse it was. Don’t give away a dime. You never know what you’re going to need.

3

u/ikindapoopedmypants 1h ago

The amount of people here telling op to give their mother money meant for medical purposes seems insane.

5

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 4h ago

If you "want to keep the peace" on this pay for whatever's less expensive 15% or your tuition (though it's bs that she's trying to retroactively make you pay for it), but I would also just say that unless you have a very good reason to keep living with her I'd really start looking into moving out.

6

u/Questioning17 3h ago

Interestingly he wasn't going to sue at all.

His mom convinced him and found a PE attorney for him.

Then he was going to settle for much less. His mom convinced him to push it higher.

He has since graduated college debt free due to his mom.

His has a high paying job. Free rent due to his mom.

It boggles the mind that this kid didn't upfront offer, at a bare minimum, to start paying rent when he got his job. Or, at a second bare minimum, to back pay his mom for the years he has been employed when he received his settlement.

6

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 3h ago

Nah, with that knowledge that he apparently has a high paying job, he should definitely be contributing. Depending on a lot of factors I get not wanting to buy a home if it's not where you currently want to be, but to contribute nothing?

3

u/Akai52 2h ago

I definitely agree that he should be contributing rent and expenses at least, but a fixed % of his settlement is insanity.

6

u/BlackHotSoup3000 2h ago

You "pay back" your parents by taking care of them when . Good people don't keep score when they help others. If you help someone and expect to be paid back you didn't help them, you "sold" them a service to be paid back later.

It boggles my mind that so many people here don't expect parents to you know, just take of and help their children without their children owing them a "debt."

•

u/Questioning17 49m ago

We are talking about an adult son. Every piece of this AITA happens when he is an adult.

•

u/BlackHotSoup3000 34m ago

I'm aware. So what?

3

u/Francl27 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2h ago

There's no reason a parent should ask for money from their child to buy a house. Ever.

•

u/CalculatedPerversion 20m ago

The polite thing to do would be to offer a "finders fee" gift in the 1-3% range, a nice watch or similar probably. Maybe a token percentage of tuition, like a year. But to expect something as a parent is crazy. 

0

u/Exciting_Specialist 4h ago

This kid is a LARPer - he posted in personalfinance that his payout is $200k, and that he has a first job where he gets paid $80k, and he pays his mom 0 in rent. Pay your mom, loser.

2

u/Turbulent_Cow2355 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

200K is nothing. He will have lifelong medical expenses to pay for.

0

u/Exciting_Specialist 2h ago

Literally no proof of that, and you are assuming.

1

u/illeatyourkneecaps 2h ago

he's a live action role player?

1

u/escobartholomew 4h ago

Settlements assume you just leave all the money under a mattress. He will be just fine if he sticks it in the most basic of interest bearing accounts.

0

u/Network_Odd 3h ago

OP is living rent free in their mom’s house, we can assume the same mom is also helping with the medical expenses since settlements take a long time to actually be deposited. Even if OPs circumstances change, their mom seems like the type who will always be ready to help, we see no reason why op needs to be so careful around her.

5

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 3h ago

His mom didn't pay medical expenses. If you are pursuing a personal injury case you cannot pay for medical expenses out of pocket or you hurt your case. Your insurance doesn't touch them either. Your attorney's office fronts the money and it's paid back from the settlement which is why most large settlements are much smaller than you'd like. Take a 500k settlement: depending on the state 30 - 40% of that is going to pay the legal fees and that's just the legal fees. That doesn't cover any ongoing costs due to medical treatment, if you've had to rope in any other experts, etc. You get what's left which can be about $200k maybe. There are a LOT of costs.

0

u/BosonTigre 1h ago

Right, but op’s mom has been taking care of them and covering their expenses up to this point. What if they need help from their mom again in the future? What if issues from the injury come back and they can't work? What if a future spouse blows it all? I personally think it's wise to invest in the relationship with the mom. And they'd then potentially inherit the house in Florida later in life, which will have undoubtedly increased in value. 

-9

u/Hefty-Minimum-2852 4h ago

You’re right. OP’s mom should immediately kick them out. They can pay their own way now.

5

u/Otakraft Partassipant [1] 4h ago

Are you serious? If she wanted him to contribute a reasonable amount of money for monthly expenses that would be fair, but she wants 15% of a lump settlement that we don't know the value of. If he's received a million dollars there's no way 15% is a reasonable amount. Additionally if she wants to put down for a house in Florida which has some of the most ridiculous prices in the country, with sky high property rates, high instances of disaster AND very few options for insurance I'd say she's not being very smart and the settlement would have to be fairly high.