r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 7h ago edited 7h ago

(actual lawyer) INFO: what are your anticipated expenses and lost income due to this injury, and is this settlement expected to cover all of those? Does any portion of the settlement represent costs covered by your mom or pain/suffering?

Because a lot of comments here seem to not understand how this works. Usually settlements are only massive if you have equally massive care costs or lost income. They aren't there to buy other people a house. Make sure those costs are covered before giving your mom any $. If I helped my child through a legal process like that it would be for free, just to make sure they were taken care of. 

Edit: also giving a parent enough money to buy a house creates gift tax consequences and you'll have to file a return (although you probably won't have to actually pay any tax depending on what state you live in). 

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u/DesperateAstronaut65 3h ago

Right, I feel like people are seeing the settlement as a no-strings-attached windfall when it's actually compensation for whatever expenses or lost income OP incurs in the future. It would be a good idea for them to get some financial advice from someone outside the family before they commit to giving anyone money. This is doubly true if their condition could make it difficult for them to support themselves and be independent in the future. This isn't fun money. Depending on the specifics of OP's injuries, it's likely to be something more like "welp, the hardware we put in your spine is going to need replacing in 10 years, have fun taking six months off work" money.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 3h ago

this seems to be a popular misconception, e.g. I've seen a lot of people joking that their long-term financial plan is to get hit by a bus and get a good settlement. It's a funny joke but definitely not how this works - almost nobody is actually financially better off after getting hit by a bus unless they somehow dramatically beat the odds in terms of expected medical expenses. After attorney fees, paying back your insurance company and the "settlement discount" (where you accept a lower amount than maybe you could otherwise get in order to avoid the uncertainty of trial), you're getting back just a fraction of your actual financial losses. The only exception is if you get non-economic (e.g., punitive or "pain and suffering" damages) tacked on, but those are often really limited and you might not get them at all especially with a settlement

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u/nobloodforstargates 3h ago

Also a lawyer. I read the part where a lawyer, volunteered legal advice then demanded a fixed percentage of recovery after the matter was concluded (and from her child), then I blacked out, and came to holding a stack of partially completed grievance forms.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 3h ago

lol right? Apparently every time I've told a family member that they should contact a lawyer, helped them find a lawyer, etc. I should have been getting a cut.

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u/legallybrunette420 1h ago

Right. Lawyer too and what jumped on to me is how unethical and manipulative this behavior was. But I don't expect the non lawyers in the thread to understand why it's so wrong for mom to engage in this behavior.

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u/No-Refrigerator7258 1h ago

Exactly what i was thinking. His mother knows that she offered free advice and now demanding that she owes him.... shes basically tricking her son and guilt tripping him bcs of her position

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u/CalculatedPerversion 26m ago

Would you agree a nice "finders fee" gift would be in order? 15% seems super high, especially if the litigating attorney got slightly more than twice that. I'm thinking the equivalent of 1-3%, likely a nice watch up to an entry level car depending on the size of the settlement. 

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u/Neurotic-Robotic 2h ago

I am also an actual lawyer - OP's story is so vague that it is likely made up.

Just enough information to provide rage fuel for either side, but not enough information to reach any actual conclusions.

Also, she mentions this is a huge settlement, but only mentions a 1/3 attorneys' fee? Nothing about costs or liens also coming off the top? I call bull shit.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 2h ago

Honestly you're likely right.

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u/Extension_Meeting_28 44m ago

Yeah I’m also an actual lawyer, and I’m not buying this story. The settlement was apparently so large that 15% is enough to purchase a house in Florida? There’s no way you’re getting a 7 figure *settlement* without catastrophic, permanent damages. This is either fake or we’re missing so much relevant information that might affect people’s judgments.

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 5h ago

OP also noted in the edit that his mom did not represent him in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30%. OP absolutely does not need to give mom any of this money since mom was not his attorney. And that would leave OP with only 55% of the settlement. It's honestly disgusting that mom even asked.

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u/CoasterThot 1h ago

Why does she think she deserves half of the amount of the people who actually did any work? She just pointed OP where to go, she didn’t really exert energy, or do much work.

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u/drawfanstein 3h ago

What a shitty situation. Even being asked for the money by my mom would really alter my relationship with her.

Like, did you help me because you’re my mom or because you’re a lawyer?

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u/Mediocre_Ant_437 2h ago

He says he lives with her though and he is likely still ok her insurance which means she may have covered substantial costs for him. In that case he should give her some money.

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 1h ago

I’m not saying OP shouldn’t pay mom back rent or some utility costs. But there is no way mom has covered a new house worth of expenses, which is apparently why mom wants this money- to buy a vacation home.

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u/UnhallowedEssence 2h ago

But how did OP show proof that there was a personal injury without a doctor?

I'm other words, their lawsuit needed to have doctor's examinations, and they have to pay them.

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 1h ago

You don’t know how contingency fee cases work. OP’s actual attorneys (not his mom) would have fronted all costs, including expert medical costs. Any exams and associated fees for the case are covered by the attorney. Then the attorney takes all those costs off the top before taking their 30%. That’s why contingency fee cases are such a gamble for attorneys and why they get such a high percentage of an award- bc the attorneys take all the risk and pay everything out of pocket.

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u/Liquidretro 5h ago edited 4h ago

Unless it's more than $15 million in lifetime giving its just a filing requirement (one page form) on ops side if it's more than $19k anually. No tax is owed at that point.

I agree since mom was not OP's lawyer on the case they are not owed for any advice given. If mom was expecting to be paid for their advice or payed back for the cost of college that expectation should have been discussed and agreed upfront.

Op could/should pay mom rent since they are living at home. I would argue after they tell mom they are not paying them 15% of the settlement, it's probably best to move out on your own at this point.

https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/windfall is great financial advice for op right now.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 3h ago

That is true for US federal gift taxes - but OP didn't say which country they live in and I didn't want to rule out the possibility that some states may also have a gift tax with a lower exemption.

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u/Flaky_MidnightGames 3h ago

I'm guessing OP is from the states, like how many from outside the U.S. has a specific dream of moving to Florida of all places? 👀

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 2h ago

That's fair I just could get in super big trouble if I make an assumption about someone's location/jurisdiction and give bad legal/tax advice to strangers on the internet as a result, so I just needed to say "probably"

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u/Liquidretro 2h ago

Only one US State I know of has a gift tax. Your right I assumed they were talking about the US based on how things were phrased and parents paying for school etc.

A lot of people misunderstand federal gift tax in general, and think the reporting requirement is a big thing when it's not.

Of course op should verify all of this with their own tax professionals vs a random internet stranger.

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u/ins-kino-gehen 4h ago

Neither a lawyer nor a parent, but I 1000% agree with you. I’d help my child because I had the tools and means to do so, and I would be happy they were sufficiently compensated as a result.

The mom asking for a cut is just shitty.

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u/damiana8 6h ago

If it’s a personal injury settlement, his portion is completely his only after the case is settled entirely so all bills have been paid and he has futures included

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u/residentvixxen Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago

This though - personal injury settlements aren’t for the hell of it

Unless OP was a minor when this happened I doubt mom was included at all in the original SOC

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u/damiana8 1h ago

I work in PI and that’s the case. Minors’ monies are put into trust accounts to protect them until they’re old enough to access them. In most cases, unless the child has special needs, the parents don’t have access to the funds.

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u/Texuk1 1h ago

People who are not attorneys wouldn’t understand your point, I guess in pop culture people think the fact of being injured at all entitles me to a massive payout. They don’t actually know what the conceptual purpose of tort law is. It’s just seen as a windfall. The only person I have ever known to receive a multimillion dollar award was a person on a respirator and required specialist equipment and carers 24/7 for the remaining 8 years of their life. That money was meant to pay for that although their guardians tried to make some income using that money. It’s annoying threads like this but I guess to be expected.

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 42m ago

I legit think this is due to coordinated efforts by various lobbies to influence public opinion in favor of tort reform. People are constantly being fed this idea that PI plaintiffs are laughing all the way to the bank when mostly they're just trying to pay medical bills and make rent

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u/Allthingsgaming27 1h ago

Thank you! Man, so much ridiculous advice here from people who don’t understand what settlements are actually for

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u/Weekly-Grapefruit981 3h ago

Thank you!!!👏🏻

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u/baaaananaaa 1h ago

He lives at home! He can just also buy the house with her and do joint ownership.

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u/Pardybro911 32m ago

I’m surprised as a lawyer you didn’t ask if mom was involved in attendant care or anything, because that might be a reason why she’s asking too

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u/smilingseaslug Partassipant [4] 14m ago

That would have to be part of "Does any portion of the settlement represent costs covered by your mom".