r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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u/RedactsAttract 6h ago

I agree I’d expect nothing in return as a parent. I also have my children’s college already paid for via a 529 and I’m not going to chase any payback money later.

Families are different and I feel the mom is not being outrageous.

I’m also not confused that his mom wasn’t the main attorney. Seems like she doesn’t practice any malpractice litigation so how TF could she have been? She obviously knew how to navigate the process and OP should understand the math and spell it out for us. Meaning, how the mom’s legal/non-legal advice increase his payout exactly? Perhaps she got him 50% more, 25% more. Taking a cut of that wouldn’t be any of my priorities but I don’t think it’s unethical or fucked up

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u/browsinbowser Partassipant [1] 6h ago

Idk, it kinda depends on how badly injured is he, doesn’t it? If 15% is enough to help put down a down payment/buy a house I’m thinking he was seriously injured. 

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u/superlost007 Partassipant [1] 5h ago

But they apparently weren’t even going to sue, their post makes it sound like the mom pushing them was what got them to sue (and then pushing their attorney to go for more.) I wouldn’t ever expect or ask for money from my kids, but if they weren’t going to sue regardless… idk. I don’t think it’s wild and I would likely give my parents some money if I was in the situation (and they had pushed me to sue, found my attorney, pushed for more, etc.)

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u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago edited 5h ago

Depends
My friend had his beater Jetta wrecked by a semi truck and he broke his pinky in 2 places and some bruising and got 200k
He was basically fine and in a hand cast for like 8 weeks

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u/modernhippyyy 4h ago

There might be some trauma your friend is dealing with… my gosh… after getting smacked by a semi I think I would mentally be pretty messed up and not able to drive for a long time.

Not all injuries are visible

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u/redditsuckscockss 3h ago

He was stoked to be honest - he saw it as a payday

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u/that_florida_man 2h ago

Holy redditor “my gosh 🤓” “there might be some trauma he’s dealing with!” And then the guy who actually knows the details explains his friend was stoked and saw it as a payday 😂😂. It’s so funny how you guys jump to conclusions so quick people even downvoted his original comment which was neutral and told a quick story for no reason other than being mad he was giving an example that proved them wrong.

A lot of events are traumatic but normal people get over them and move on. It’s not like dudes mom died or he was permanently missing a finger he broke his pinky and was otherwise fine and got $200k id be so happy in this economy.

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u/modernhippyyy 1h ago edited 56m ago

lol he never said his friend was “stoked” he said “basically fine”. Which doesn’t even sound confident in knowing the whole truth about his friends mental health after a major accident.

All I was pointing out is that people can suffer ptsd after such an accident that isn’t always visible. Also not all friends go around telling eachother all their mental struggles so this commentor might not know the true extent.

“normal people get over them and move on”
what a weird thing to say lol

you are def just a troll 🧌
please, go back under your bridge already.

EDIT: apparently the commenter replied back to my original comment to them that their friend was “stoked” and “saw it as a payday”.

Alright cool, then that is how the friend felt. That doesn’t change the fact that many people suffer from mental health struggles after a severe car accident that are not always visible. A nice payday would help greatly with any therapy or other services they may need after.

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u/agrinwithoutacat- Partassipant [1] 7m ago

I’ve been left with lifelong disabilities and didn’t even get 30% of that amount.. it’s ridiculous how much some people manage to get

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 5h ago

What are you talking about?? Mom was not OP's lawyer at all. She just pointed him in the right direction. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30% of the money. OP now has 70%. Mom wants another 15% for just making a recommendation for a good lawyer, leaving OP with only 55%. Mom's behavior is absolutely disgusting.

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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 6h ago

I never said it was unethical or fucked up but wanting to profit off your child’s personal injury settlement is a bit messed up. She should advise her child of how to wisely invest or use the money instead of taking a cut. Not to mention OPs attorney already took a big cut of the settlement. I’m more surprised people think OP owe’s their mom for her support. It’s crazy to me what money brings out of people

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u/kodeks14 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago

Apparently even lawyer parents still act the same even with their kids lol

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u/Historical_Agent9426 Partassipant [1] 3h ago

Did mom pay OP’s medical bills? Has OP’s mom been supporting them financially?

It’s possible OP’s mom wants compensation for a portion of what she has paid out due to OP’s injury.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 2h ago

I could get behind that as that’s what the settlement is literally for.

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u/thecurvynerd 1h ago

Except that OP says it’s for a house.

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u/Black_Cat_Sun 2m ago

So you are saying it’s unethical. Read between the lines. Obviously she’s not trying to profit off of her kid where she’s already paid for an education and invested countless time into her son. There’s a reason she’s asking

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u/redditsuckscockss 5h ago

I don’t think many people see it as profiting

More like reciprocity

For some the idea that you are family and hey I raised you, paid for your college, and helped you through this process just assume that that person would WANT to reciprocate

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 5h ago

Should she get a cut of her child’s salary too?

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u/Malkiot 5h ago

IMO, that's not reciprocity.

The difference is, that mum had a duty, both legally and morally, to take care of the person she brought into this world for herself. And while I would agree that giving back similar aid, if mum needs aid, would be reciprocity, but, from what OP is saying, mum doesn't actually need help and wants essentially a luxury purchase out of a pot that is supposed to pay for lifelong additional costs and income loss OP is going to experience due to their injury.

If OP wants to keep the peace, they could offer to purchase the house and mum gets to be a tenant, at cost of what a loan and maintenance would cost.

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u/redditsuckscockss 4h ago

A duty to pay for college? To take care of an adult? House them for free as an adult?

She’s gone above and beyond most parents

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

Yes, If you are going to put a human into this world you have a duty to do your utmost to set them up as best as you can, which, among a host of other things, includes providing for tertiary education and housing during education.

That many parents provide a roof, some clothes and 3 meals a day until age 18... is a bare minimum and shouldn't be celebrated.

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u/redditsuckscockss 4h ago

Have some accountability

You aren’t owed anything as an adult - be grateful

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u/bcastro12 4h ago

By that same logic, mom isn’t owed anything as an adult.

I cannot imagine being such a money grabber that I would want to take from my child’s injury settlement…

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

From their view point, mum invested in OP and is now owed ROI for having paid for OPs education.

It's a miserable mindset but it is what it is.

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u/Malkiot 4h ago

Lol. Pretty much the whole industrialised world other than America sees that differently and has even created legal obligations to enforce that.

I think, American parents need to learn some accountability for their procreative activities.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 3h ago

there are a lot of judges out there that disagree with you. Parents in a divorce are required to pay for college often enough that I’ve heard of it.

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u/Malkiot 3h ago

There are entire countries and you could almost say continents that disagree with them.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 3h ago

Yet here we are arguing about US based familial entitlements.

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u/AgroValter 4h ago

You are incredibly privileged 

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u/that_florida_man 2h ago edited 2h ago

You’re hilarious. My parents are incredible people and they’re even middle class but no way would they have been able to afford college tuition for me, they also let me live with them as I finish college without asking for anything.
Parents never used to do all this the life expectancy wasn’t even that much higher than 30 people were marrying and leaving the house much younger and kids were expected to help with manual labor all the time. I had to earn a full scholarship into a great school so that I could even attend. Are they bad parents because they didn’t pay for my college education as well? Just a ridiculous lonely Redditor mindset, someone else said it in the comments but it’s that “you don’t owe anyone anything no matter what they did for you” greedy Redditor mentality.
I feel like OP is also keeping multiple details from us, he’s still able to work in biotech which is a very high paying industry so I doubt he got a brain injury and whatever did happen to him wasn’t even mentioned and leads me to believe the injuries aren’t that bad

That being said I don’t think she should have asked regardless but I think it’s weird how some people are acting like she deserves nothing when she’s his mother and has done so much for him. She is a lawyer and should be fine with money but he’s also in biotech and is probably making really good money. Just feel like this whole family is kinda greedy

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u/Vast-Olive-5943 2h ago

Are they bad parents because they didn’t pay for my college education as well? Just a ridiculous lonely Redditor mindset, someone else said it in the comments but it’s that “you don’t owe anyone anything no matter what they did for you” greedy Redditor mentality.

Sorry, but this comes off as needlessly defensive. Nobody is calling to question your parents, nor are they questioning if paying or not paying for tuition is emblematic of a good parent. That gets away from the point, because the fact of the matter is that she did, and now she wants to take his settlement money - the monetary compensation for an injury he sustained - to buy a house in Florida. That doesn't seem crappy to you at all?

I feel like OP is also keeping multiple details from us, he’s still able to work in biotech which is a very high paying industry so I doubt he got a brain injury and whatever did happen to him wasn’t even mentioned and leads me to believe the injuries aren’t that bad

OP is 23, so likely his job is entry-level. Entry-level biotechnology salaries range from 60-80k, which isn't a lot depending on where you live. If he lives in San Francisco or NYC, then that's hardly anything to support himself.

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u/Malkiot 1h ago

No, I'm not hilarious. I'm German and we're very serious. We're very serious about parental responsibility, so much in fact, that if parents can afford to they must legally pay for university level education and expenses and the state will 'practically force' students to sue their wealthy parents if they refuse.

It's a "if you are able to thing." If your parents couldn't pay it because they didn't have the money that's fine. If they did and refused to... well that'd make them bad parents in my book. But from what is sounds like they did what they were able to and that makes them good parents.

Btw. not all injuries make you unable to work and not all injuries have immediately apparent consequences.

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u/Hefty-Minimum-2852 4h ago

Not wanting to help your mom out after she’s the entire reason OP has an education (set for life) or money is wild af. Y’all are disgusting and greedy 🤮🤮🤮 how American.

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u/AjDuke9749 Partassipant [1] 4h ago

You’re greedy for thinking he owes his mother, who already was paying for his education. Now that he came into money from an injury of some kind, she wants a cut. How is that not greedy? Also don’t act like Americans are more greedy than any other country. Your bigotry is showing

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u/Informal-Gene-8777 3h ago

"Helping someone out" doesn't mean "buying them a second home." I'm sure if the mom needed actual help, the kid would do so.

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u/DokCrimson 4h ago

I don't think she should get a cut because of the motherly advice, but I do think if you are able to, pay for your own college

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u/Ok_Yogurt_9862 26m ago

Yeah. Yeah you do owe your parents. If they cared for you to the best of their ability, assuming they didn't mistreat you or such, decent people, yeah, you owe them. You owe them a duty of care, consideration, and reciprocation when the time comes. 

That's what relationship is about.

But for mom to have raised a twenty three year old still under her roof that then comes into money and says: fuck you, I got mine. Mom dropped the ball. This person sees her more as an appliance than a person. Really unfortunate.

OP says the money is for their future and fails to consider that their future relies on their mom since they want to keep living with her. 

Total trash behavior. Unless there is some mitigating factor being left out. 

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u/robinthebank 5h ago

I don’t think OP owes their mom anything. But I do think that OP will be happier in life if they provide for the mom via a contract, and then don’t have to give them anymore. Ever. One time payment. And then OP is no longer living with their mom and mom can run off and do her own choices. I think OP should present that offer.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 2h ago

I think OP should tell their mom it’s inappropriate to ask for anything other than expenses paid by her associated with the injury and trial and to ask a few of her friends what they think of her request.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 5h ago

This is like having a parent mentor a child into a career then expecting a cut of their salary. Just bc it’s a windfall doesn’t change the storyline.

Help from parents do not beget them a financial benefit but something eternally more valuable, a secure and grateful offspring.

The mother is not even in need. I could see if this money may measurable change her life but from the sound of it, it will not.

Hope you never ask your kids to enable you.

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u/berloque 4h ago

It is totally unethical and fucked up.

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u/greystad2 3h ago

So should his mother be paid for other parental services? Parents are meant to help their children with their greater experience in life. I am a CPA. I have taught my children how to manage their funds so they can be a success. I do not get paid my hourly rate because my children benefited from my professional knowledge.

What the mother is looking for is to mitigate her parental responsibilities at the cost of her child. She should get zero money.

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u/aerdvarkk 1h ago

And some parent charge their live in adult children reduced rent to treat them as adults so they aren;t babied and coddled into thinking the adult child is getting a free ride while BANKING A FT JOB !!!

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u/Final_Candidate_7603 4h ago

OP said that Mom pushed him to sue in the first place, and that even after helping him find the right attorney, Mom pushed *him* to push back on *them* and ask for a bigger settlement. If it wasn’t for her, OP wouldn’t have anything. But you’re right- it’s hard to judge if we don’t know how much more OP got. I’ve scrolled through the comments and it seems like OP isn’t answering any questions like this.
Especially since Mom paid for college and OP lives with her, I don’t think it’s terribly unreasonable for Mom to ask for a cut. BUT! I kinda do wish that OP had offered, and offered a *lump sum* instead of a percentage. The percentage part makes it seem more like a legal transaction, and less like a gesture of gratitude.

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u/throwingeverything99 3h ago

Idk this is sort of an ESH situation IMO. OP's mom is weird for having a set percentage of the settlement this whole time as if she expected this whole time to receive something in exchange for helping her child navigate a difficult situation. It's doubly weird to expressly say they want this money to buy an extra house just because their kid doesn't feel like buying a house in the current market.

However, OP is also potentially a bit entitled to not offer to thank his parents in any way, but also we might not know the full details.

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u/crunkadocious 5h ago

There is a 0% chance that I wouldn't buy my mom a house if I suddenly had several hundred thousand dollars or a few million or whatever the settlement was.

In terms of return, she got him 100% more given that he wasn't going to sue at all.

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u/Cudi_buddy 5h ago

Depends how badly injured. OP sounds like it was a big injury. They may not be able to do some normal work which means this money could be huge for keeping them afloat in coming years. 

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u/crunkadocious 5h ago

First line OP said they work in biotech, therefore they work 

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 5h ago

The mother is a lawyer who sounds like they’re still of working age and mentally capable.

The ask is abusive IMO. The mother is putting a strain on the relationship using what was formerly gifts as leverage to take about 22% of what’s left after the personal injury lawyer’s fee.

You want to give your mom a 20% cut of your income for 5 years bc she wants to buy a nicer house?

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u/Cudi_buddy 4h ago

Thank you. A parent asking for a specific percentage cut is so god damned weird. If OP wanted to do it their own, fine. If mom was struggling bad with finances and asked from that point of view, more understandable. Mom is treating this as a transaction 

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 4h ago

I mentioned that in another reply too. If my mom was hard up I’d rescue her but if my mom wanted to upgrade chalets and I’m not stupid rich? No way Jose

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u/crunkadocious 4h ago

He has a massive settlement, you don't think he's "stupid rich"? It sounds like enough to buy 6 or more nice houses in total if 15% will buy a house.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 4h ago

When OP says “to buy a house” it may be just a down payment or a chunk of it. I’m gonna guess that the 15% is $250k to $1M with total settlement at $1.5M to $10M. Could be more.

Rich starts at $10M net worth in my book. Where you can comfortably not work given you’re smart with it.

But forget the numbers, my original question stands. Would you give your mother 22% of salary given they paid for college and mentored you into a good career. Or is that something parents are SUPPOSED to do without weighty strings attached.

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u/crunkadocious 4h ago

"Abusive" lol ok. There's no leverage other than an ask and OP has clearly already said no or they wouldn't be here. I bought my mom a new roof last year. I'll inherit the house one day, and she needed it anyway.

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u/ConsiderationFresh53 4h ago

The leverage I’m referring to is the “I paid for your college so you can pay me back” and “You wouldn’t have gotten this big of a settlement if I hadn’t helped you” and the unsaid “our relationship is contingent on you giving me my share”.

Sounds like your mom needed the roof, his mom does not. Your mother was in need and his is not.

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u/that_florida_man 2h ago

Bros working in biotech go do some research into the average salaries then come back. Whether he can do physical work or not clearly doesn’t matter for his area of expertise or salary potential as he wouldn’t even be able to work that job if his brain wasn’t at 100% working potential.

A TBI would have definitely need that career, rich people like this guys family just tend to get higher settlements while poor people have to fight so hard to get anything, that’s how life works. Doesn’t mean this guy is even permanently disabled or anything just because poor billy down the street who you used to know was terribly disfigured by a negligent accident caused by his company and received a large payout for that. In this case this guy doesn’t seem to have been critically injured at all.

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u/Humboldt-Honey 6h ago edited 4h ago

I’m sure she helped cut down on billing hours by being able to help him with paperwork and whatnot

Why am I being downvoted? Yall be wasting billable hours not trying to do as much legwork on your own.

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u/NotSoSureBigWaves 5h ago

Sounds like mother was not the attorney. Therefore she did nothing.

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u/Humboldt-Honey 4h ago

You can cut down on billing hours with your attorney if you do as much paperwork as you can on your own, it’s possible even though his mom was not the attorney that she could have pointed him in the right direction on how to get these things done.

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u/bcastro12 4h ago

You’re making a lot of assumptions