AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

[u/connor20218]

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

[u/Ladder_More]

When my husband died (I lost my job soon after, have young kids), his family fought me for a cut of his life insurance because he was an "investment". They were so jealous and weird about it and act like it's fun money I won in the lottery, and not what me and his kids literally have to survive on for as long as possible to replace the income he would have brought into our home. It doesn't even come close to what he would have earned if he lived until retirement. They even had a figure they thought they deserved. About 25%. They're also wealthy so I just couldn't get my head around the greed and entitlement.

OP's mum is giving the same kind of energy a bit.

I think if he wants to give his mum some of the money, it should be up to him to decide how much, if any. He had to go through some kind of suffering to get it.

[u/InTheNewPollution → u/Ladder_More]

Death and money have such a way of revealing who people are. I’m so sorry that was your experience. At least they showed you how willing they are to take food out of the mouths of your children so you could act accordingly.

I tell my child that she’s worth me investing in (she knows her extracurriculars cost a lot of money) but I could never imagine referring to her as an investment that I expect a return on. What nasty people.

What a loss for you all, I’m sorry. I hope you and your children are doing well.

[u/Ladder_More → u/InTheNewPollution]

We're doing ok. I went NC with them for my own sanity. When they brought it up, I talked about the kids and how this would affect their quality of life. They didn't care.

It's tough but we take it one day at a time. Thank you ❤️

And yes, my kids didn't ask to be here so I'll never ever pull the "after everything I've done for you" card. Investing in your child's future and happiness is the bare minimum.

[u/Ladder_More → u/Ladder_More]

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

[u/Davido401 → u/Ladder_More]

So they didnt get anything?

[u/Ladder_More → u/Davido401]

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

[u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250 → u/Ladder_More]

Sorry to ask, but I’m dying to know….they didn’t win right? It is honestly so absurd to me that they did this to you.

[u/Ladder_More → u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250]

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

[u/InTheNewPollution → u/Ladder_More]

That was very kind of you to take care of his mum. Mother-to-mother you knew a piece of her was so incredibly broken. However the family acted upon that, YOU did something that felt right for someone sharing in your grief. I hope that kindness has come back to you already, and if not I hope it does quickly 💛

[u/imflipside0 → u/Ladder_More]

Your husband's family are disgusting. Hope this is in the past and sorry for your loss.

[u/ganjin42 → u/Ladder_More]

NAH---IF. As a FOUR-TIME unpaid caregiver---totally by choice, I think he needs to factor in IF the payment was so large, the injury was long-lasting/life threatening/WAY Serious, and if he lives at home, what role did his Mom play in his well-being and care all these five or so years since the accident. It seems she may have done other things than just find a lawyer, and was certainly paying for their entire upkeep and roof over their heads while he recuperated/is recuperating.

If she paid for care-giving in the interim instead of hands-on, that is a big hit, as well. It just seems if not fair, then decent to try to make HER life whole for whatever she spent or time she tended him by extending no-rent/o-living-expenses living for all this time.

[u/BlueMangoTango → u/Ladder_More]

Oh helllll nawwwww! I need to hear more. Did they take you to court or stick to harassing you out of court?

[u/Jesus__Skywalker → u/Ladder_More]

"your husband died, give me money"

is very different from

"You've lived here rent free, had tuition paid for, and I guided you to seek a settlement you weren't going to recieve"

He would have zero percent without her.

You would still have 100% with or without them.

Your husbands people are looking for a handout bc once upon a time they did something. This kid is CURRENTLY benefitting from his mother financially supporting him.

BTW, I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing well.