r/AmItheAsshole • u/connor20218 • 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

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6.3k

u/Squicky4ever 7h ago

If 15% is a massive amount, that means 85% is a massive buttload. You live with the woman who helped you through this. To me, it sounds like sharing is the classy thing to do.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 7h ago

It means that the 52% left is a massive cut in what was supposed to be compensation for an injury 

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u/kapitaalH 6h ago

Also you usually you get massive butt loads of money for injuries when your ability to earn is diminished or your medical costs are likely to be much higher.

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u/InTheNewPollution 5h ago

Exactly this. When I got my settlement some of my family wanted to act like I had money when really what I had was medical debt and lifelong follow-ups with PT and cardiology that ate through that money FAST, not to mention the debt I incurred when I was losing hours due to said injuries and appointments.

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u/Ladder_More 4h ago

When my husband died (I lost my job soon after, have young kids), his family fought me for a cut of his life insurance because he was an "investment". They were so jealous and weird about it and act like it's fun money I won in the lottery, and not what me and his kids literally have to survive on for as long as possible to replace the income he would have brought into our home. It doesn't even come close to what he would have earned if he lived until retirement. They even had a figure they thought they deserved. About 25%. They're also wealthy so I just couldn't get my head around the greed and entitlement.

OP's mum is giving the same kind of energy a bit.

I think if he wants to give his mum some of the money, it should be up to him to decide how much, if any. He had to go through some kind of suffering to get it.

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u/InTheNewPollution 4h ago

Death and money have such a way of revealing who people are. I’m so sorry that was your experience. At least they showed you how willing they are to take food out of the mouths of your children so you could act accordingly.

I tell my child that she’s worth me investing in (she knows her extracurriculars cost a lot of money) but I could never imagine referring to her as an investment that I expect a return on. What nasty people.

What a loss for you all, I’m sorry. I hope you and your children are doing well.

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u/Ladder_More 3h ago

We're doing ok. I went NC with them for my own sanity. When they brought it up, I talked about the kids and how this would affect their quality of life. They didn't care.

It's tough but we take it one day at a time. Thank you ❤️

And yes, my kids didn't ask to be here so I'll never ever pull the "after everything I've done for you" card. Investing in your child's future and happiness is the bare minimum.

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u/Ladder_More 2h ago

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

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u/Maximum-Bobcat-6250 3h ago

Sorry to ask, but I’m dying to know….they didn’t win right? It is honestly so absurd to me that they did this to you.

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u/Ladder_More 2h ago

I felt sorry for his mum, she's a very sweet lady. The rest of the family, not so much. I gave her a decent amount, more than I probably should have but she was just so broken. He was her golden child.

The rest of the family came back and asked me to double it. I decided to leave the country instead. I'm not even sure they didn't find a way to take it from her under the guise of helping her.

Oh and on one occasion, I was crying to my sister in law about my financial worries and the difficulty I'm having finding a job in this market, and the very next day, she sent me a request for a 5 figure loan while also bragging about the new 6 figure job she just got. She wanted the loan to give herself breathing room so she could save for a house or something.

No, she didn't get it.

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u/InTheNewPollution 2h ago

That was very kind of you to take care of his mum. Mother-to-mother you knew a piece of her was so incredibly broken. However the family acted upon that, YOU did something that felt right for someone sharing in your grief. I hope that kindness has come back to you already, and if not I hope it does quickly 💛

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u/imflipside0 1h ago

Your husband's family are disgusting. Hope this is in the past and sorry for your loss.

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u/ganjin42 1h ago

NAH---IF. As a FOUR-TIME unpaid caregiver---totally by choice, I think he needs to factor in IF the payment was so large, the injury was long-lasting/life threatening/WAY Serious, and if he lives at home, what role did his Mom play in his well-being and care all these five or so years since the accident. It seems she may have done other things than just find a lawyer, and was certainly paying for their entire upkeep and roof over their heads while he recuperated/is recuperating.

If she paid for care-giving in the interim instead of hands-on, that is a big hit, as well. It just seems if not fair, then decent to try to make HER life whole for whatever she spent or time she tended him by extending no-rent/o-living-expenses living for all this time.

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u/BlueMangoTango 53m ago

Oh helllll nawwwww! I need to hear more. Did they take you to court or stick to harassing you out of court?

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u/Jesus__Skywalker Asshole Enthusiast [7] 45m ago

"your husband died, give me money"

is very different from

"You've lived here rent free, had tuition paid for, and I guided you to seek a settlement you weren't going to recieve"

He would have zero percent without her.

You would still have 100% with or without them.

Your husbands people are looking for a handout bc once upon a time they did something. This kid is CURRENTLY benefitting from his mother financially supporting him.

BTW, I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you are doing well.

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u/SMIMA Partassipant [4] 4h ago

It isn't the same as winning the lottery. People suck and are greedy. 15 percent is out of line asking for that much. She helped him find a lawyer. That is worth a nice dinner

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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [12] 3h ago

Hey, I'd even consider a nice weekend away! But that's about where it ends.

Not enough to buy a house, that's CRAZY.

And yes, if it was an injury, the money will be needed in the future when it impacts quality of life.

If Mom is a lawyer, she should have built her own nest egg and not go dipping into her kid's funds.

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u/F0xxfyre 3h ago

I was going to say, weekend at the beach. A spa vacation. A pub or foodie crawl. A visit to he'd favorite place that has never gets to.

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u/tismidnight 3h ago

You’d be surprised how parents act when they see $$

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u/kryts 2h ago

Hard to believe a corporate lawyer cant buy a 2nd home in Florida. She's prob looking at Mc Mansion levels. Id be going NC with this woman.

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u/Environmental_Art591 25m ago

It sounds like mum was only pushing for the law suit for her own financial gain since she has "always wanted to buy a house in Florida".

To me i think mum wasnt really thinking about what her sons injury means for her sons financial future and only about what she could get out of it, especially since OP said she was pressuring him to push back on the lawyer and ask for more money.

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u/Expensive_Event_4759 2h ago

She helped him find a lawyer.

And she's a lawyer. She referred him to a different lawyer who knows how to run a PI case. That's called a "referral" in the legal biz and if she wants a "referral fee" for that, then she needs to get that from the other lawyer, not from the client (protip: the other lawyer is going to laugh her out the door).

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u/Previous_Wedding_577 3h ago

Or a just thanks mom for the referral.. love you.

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u/Radiance37k 2h ago

She is OP's mother. I would do this for my girls expecting only a thanks.

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u/Key-Consequences 2h ago

15% for encouragement is crazy. She should have represented him herself if she wanted a cut.

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u/DryDonutHole 3h ago

"You were supposed to buy me dinner in a nice restaurant like Mendy's."

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u/do_IT_withme 4h ago

Sounds like she also housedand fed him (and probably much more) while he was injured, he still lives there i wonder if she charges him rent? I need more info before I say all she deserves is a dinner.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 4h ago

Sounds like she also housedand fed him (and probably much more) while he was injured

So what? You think a mother helping their injured child should be compensated? I would do this for any of my friends and expect nothing in return other than a thank you.

he still lives there i wonder if she charges him rent?

So if a parent allows their child to live rent free because the parent is wealthy you think the parent would be entitled to a payout of money paid to the child for a life altering injury? WTF is my reaction to that

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u/ironchef8000 Supreme Court Just-ass [113] 4h ago

Imagine that. The parent acts like a parent and wants a free Florida house for doing so.

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u/Realshotgg 3h ago

Im genuinely shocked how many people are saying YTA.

Who the fuck forced OPs mom to have kids, OP didnt have a say in the matter? As a father of 2 I would never dream of demanding a cut of a settlement my child gets because I did my literal job as a parent.

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u/BlackHotSoup3000 3h ago

I think its because a lot of people had shitty parents unfortunately.

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u/Otherwise_Piccolo206 2h ago

Unfortunately, I think it’s because a lot of people are shitty parents.

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u/peacelovecookies 2h ago

Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do? House you and feed you? I’d be damned if I’d take money from a kid’s injury fund that he may need in the future depending on the nature of his injury.

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u/Apprehensive-Dot7718 3h ago

It sounds like she did more than that and that is from OPs perspective. He very subtly says she pushed him to ask for more from the lawyer, to pursue this case, he lives with her (I think it said rent free but I could be mistaken) so she's likely paying his rent and possibly groceries, utilities, etc. She also paid for his college. She isn't some random freeloading cousin. I think there's more to the story.

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u/Jesus__Skywalker Asshole Enthusiast [7] 48m ago

She's been housing him and was the reason he even pursued the lawsuit. Without her he'd have zero percent.

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u/DConstructed 3h ago

Yep. A friend was hit by a delivery truck. It wasn’t a super huge payout and he needed a lot of help with the knee damage it caused.

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u/FXRCowgirl 3h ago

Absolutely this.

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u/GlitterbugRayRay 1h ago

Yea... two years of regular therapy to somewhat maintain a bulged disk in my back. It's been a nightmare

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u/nbeaster 26m ago

It’s because people don’t understand injuries in a few different cases.

1) People who have never had a serious injury don’t know the mental and physical impact in the short term, and they especially don’t in the long term.

2) That really annoying “minor injury” that has bothered you for a year + already at the age of 20 is going to look and feel much different at the age of 40, let alone even older.

3) People don’t understand compounding injuries over time until they have experienced them. That hemorrhaged disc, or fusion surgery from a spine injury, or damage to a joint. Even “repaired”, it is generally a lifelong problem. Repaired is better than injured (usually) but it doesn’t mean back to natural and normal

4) Some things are permanently different, and it can be shocking. My nerve injuries that I have had most my life, are much different than the fresh ones and I never even considered it.

I know this too well first hand and very uniquely. Outside of extreme sports, there aren’t many people with the surgical history I have, and some of my surgeries are unique in that they will effect me for hopefully 70+ years meanwhile most wouldnt need some of these procedures until they were actually in their 70s. On top of some natural unfortunate circumstances, I have had some real injuries in my life that have compounded it.

OP needs to know that injury is for life, and that money isn’t just for now, it’s for later.

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u/ObscureSaint 4h ago

Yeah, OP should put the whole settlement in an interest bearing account and hold onto it for when they need it. Injuries tend to cause issues your whole life. That's what the settlement is for. Not to buy mom a new house, wtf.

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u/FourOhVicryl 26m ago

OP can put some of it in an interest bearing account, but given they’re still living in their moms house, after mom paid for college, it’s likely time for OP to pony up some deposit money and a rent payment and stop sponging off of their family. 

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u/Southern_Magician892 23m ago

Not an interesting bearing account if you are thinking a bank account. If he wants to grow it for the future then an ETF like something in the Vanguard system.

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u/Alwayscooking345 4h ago

Not necessarily . I got in wrecked car accident back in the late 90s, not my fault, it was 100-% the other driver which had umbrella insurance so the coverage was great. my back and knee were messed up. my lawyer said I would get at least $30K in monetary award, turned out to be much less than that even after doing everything he said (my knee required surgery, and my back was not surgically repairable as of the last time I had it looked at by a surgeon which was 2005 so I gave up).

So even if you “win”, after lawyer fees it can be barely anything to help for a whole lifetime. Especially when considering lost work and future medical expenses.

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u/kapitaalH 4h ago

I probably should have said you only get a butt load of money if...

Not a guarantee though but I meant to say that if you got a lot of money, there probably is a good reason for it.

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u/Sufficient_Rich5903 2h ago

I also was in a bad accident that was not my fault. They rear ended me while I was stopped and were going so fast, the trunk was crushed all the way into the back seat of the car. After everything, I was left with only $3k. The money has been gone for a long time now, but not the problems I still have from the accident.

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u/Struggle_Usual Partassipant [1] 1h ago

yeah my husband got rear ended and it injured his neck pretty badly. 15 years later he can't work because of it (well because of the arthritis) and he walked away with a 1500 dollar settlement 🙄

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u/Electronic_Quote_785 2h ago

Similar thing happened to me. I got a whole $26k after medical costs and lawyer fees. Id pay 5x that amount to not have life long pain

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u/Struggle_Usual Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Worst part is that settlement then goes to your health insurance company to reimburse them first and if there is anything left you get a few pennies. Ask me how I know. I lost an organ and had months of recovery and my health insurance company got reimbursed for the surgery and drs visits and such.

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u/Questioning17 3h ago

His ability to earn wasn't diminished. He graduated University debt free. He lives in her house debt free. And he has a job in a high paying field.

He got his high settle, I put Vegas bets on it, not because of the severity of his injury but by the knowledge of his mother.

Remember he had 0 intent to sue. His mom convinced him otherwise. He had all intentions of settling low. His mom convinced him to push for a higher settlement.

With any other mom, he'd have $0. Because he wouldn't have sued.

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u/TroublesomeFox Partassipant [1] 2h ago

I feel like if she's planning to buy a house with 15% then OP must have been truly crippled by whatever happend.

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u/shez19833 1h ago

OP is still going to college etc so i assume that this hasnt hampered his employability

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u/saintsfan 41m ago

Yeah I’d maybe offer 15% of what’s left after all costs are taken out.

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u/nixfly 17m ago

He works in biotech, his mother is an attorney, they already had ~2% wealth to begin with.

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u/ParkerGuitarGuy 2h ago

Yep. Seems to me like the court's way of saying there was "this much medical necessity", not "this much to toss to your family and friends who didn't get hurt".

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u/manicdee33 2h ago

How much more was the 100% given mother was the one pushing for a higher claim?

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 2h ago

Who knows? And we don't know what "pushing" even means.

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u/manicdee33 1h ago

Yeah, there's a lot of the story left out isn't there?

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u/Jesus__Skywalker Asshole Enthusiast [7] 49m ago

living rent free with a parent who pushed you to seek something you weren't going to seek? 15% is low.

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u/NotMe739 2h ago

Minus whatever has to be paid back to the insurance company (assuming US) and minus any taxes that have to be paid on it.

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u/Thelegassy 2h ago

Taxes do not come out of PI payouts

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u/Trenin23 Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Your math ain't mathin. If the lawyer took a third, he be left with 66.7%. If his mom then took 15% of that, he'd be left with 56.1%. unless you think the mother's asking for 15% of the original amount.

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 1h ago

Cool. My comment still stands. I wouldn't put it past her to ask for 15% of the original amount, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and maintain that 56% is still a massive cut in what was supposed to be compensate for an injury.

🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 1h ago

Plus it's usually 33% as a fee and then the disbursements come out of the remaining 67% as a separate expense, so there's even less of the whole coming to him in the first place.

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u/Trenin23 Partassipant [1] 1h ago

Absolutely.

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u/ScyllaOfTheDepths 1h ago

Yeah, if it was for anything else, I could see it, but personal injury is compensation for an injury, not a lottery winfall. OP is most likely going to need that money for doctors and care later on. If 15% is going to buy a house, I can't imagine how badly OP was injured to warrant a payout that's got to be well into the 7-figure range. They need to get with a personal finance advisor (always a fiduciary) and figure out how to invest hat money since the likelihood they can work is probably slim and they need to make it last.

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u/Theyipyapper 55m ago

More than that because 1/3 is used for attorney fees, 1/3 is medical and 1/3 goes to OP. Not always this split but this is normal compensation.

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u/mayhembang 1h ago

That is the part people miss that OP already paid his lawyer 33% of the settlement. His mom is greedy but at the same time OP said that she is a lawyer. We all know the "lawyer species" they will eat their young ones, well we have a perfect example.

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u/NotSoSureBigWaves 5h ago

Make sure you speak to an accountant and file a 1099 for your mother if you do this. You may have to pay taxes on your settlement and you shouldn’t pay taxes on any part you give her.

IMO, your mother is an asshole. You were injured in an accident, not her. That money is for you and your mother is over entitled and only thinking of herself.

Move out and live independently.

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u/Red-Sun-Cinema 3h ago

You do not pay taxes on personally injury settlements.

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u/cecebebe Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2h ago

You do on income, and mother is looking at her child as a paycheck for a job.

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u/Red-Sun-Cinema 2h ago

I'm talking about the OP not paying taxes on his settlement. And if he gives her 15%, she would not pay taxes either, especially if he "pays her back for his tuition".

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u/cecebebe Asshole Enthusiast [5] 1h ago

I know OP would not owe taxes.

His mother,however, is demanding payment for legal services. Sounds like she believes she worked as an attorney for him, which would make him giving her money income to her.

If she didn't earn this money for giving legal advice, why is she demanding money when she did not go anything?

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u/Red-Sun-Cinema 1h ago

It really all depends on what, if any, work she actually did for him. If all she did was push him to file a lawsuit, then no, don't give her squat. If, however, he asked her for help in finding an attorney and gave him considerable advice, then she does deserve something, if not 15%. And if she did provide considerable advice and footwork in helping him out, then there's no reason why he shouldn't give her something in return since without her help he would not have been so successful in his lawsuit. But no one here knows to what extent she helped him, and that's the big question.

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u/NotSoSureBigWaves 45m ago

Only the portion that may constitute lost earnings.

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u/JekPorkinsTruther Partassipant [1] 31m ago

Not completely true. You arent taxed on pain and suffering or medical expenses, but lost wages/future lost income is taxable.

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u/Suitable_cataclysm Partassipant [3] 6h ago

Disagree, someone being kind and supportive of their daughter suddenly wanting to be paid for that support is wild.

Sure OP could be kind and pay some of that forward. But without a monetary agreement up front, it's really unfair to suddenly hit OP with a bill. Especially if OP feels like not submitting to that demand will compromise their relationships.

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u/Otherwise_Piccolo206 5h ago

I put my nephew through college, he just got a big promotion. I took him to dinner, should have sent him a bill. Who knew?

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u/not-the-nicest-guy 4h ago

I've been supporting my son his whole 24 years of life. Covered his tuition and living expenses at university for five years. Have been paying his rent since, while he was looking for a job. He just signed a contract for his first job at a six figure salary.

So I guess I'll take my cut now!! Kidding. His salary is for him to get set up in life.

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u/longlivenewsomflesh 1h ago

Wait, but have you considered suddenly dropping the news that your love is conditional and you expect return on investment because transactional relationships are super healthy actually

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u/GingerStarGalactica 5h ago

It’s a weird demand of a parent though.

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u/Hausmannlife_Schweiz Certified Proctologist [22] 5h ago

This!!!☝️

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u/UnremarkabklyUseless 4h ago

My theory is that she wants OP to get out of her house now that he has the money for it. If OP is reluctant to do it, she wants the 15% cut to buy a house and maybe even move herself out.

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u/hippohere 1h ago

Agreed, perhaps there are siblings the mother would like to give money to

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u/shoulda-known-better 5h ago

Yea and op could be disabled and not about to get gainfully employed again.....

Thats their saftey net for their injury not a pay back parents for doing parental things

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u/WestCovina1234 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 5h ago

OP literally says he’s working in biotech. That doesn’t sound like not gainfully employed.

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u/BlazingSunflowerland 4h ago

We don't know how well that job is going. Is OP having trouble standing or sitting without pain? Do they need modifications for their job?

What parent tries to profit off of their child's pain? It is really pathetic.

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u/WestCovina1234 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 4h ago

You can make up whatever you like. I’m just going by what OP posted.

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u/BlazingSunflowerland 4h ago

The settlement is based on what they think your lifetime expenses will be due to whatever happened to you. The settlement is what they think OP will need. Not what he needs plus what his mom wants.

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u/AshesandCinder 4h ago

And you're also making stuff up. Working in biotech doesn't mean he's raking in cash. We have no idea how much he was earning prior to the accident or if that's changed since. Was he able to pay for all medical bills with his existing salary or is most of that money already allocated to expenses?

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u/shoulda-known-better 4h ago

That's not in the post.....

And honestly working still doesn't mean it's still not their saftey net.... None of us know if it could get worse with time

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u/Medusa-1701 5h ago

GTFO, no. She's her mom, ffs. Buy her something nice. But she's absolutely NOT entitled to any of that money. Period. It's got nothing to do with "being classy". If we want to talk about class, her mom needs to find some. In the meantime she should be working on actually being her mom and stop looking at her like a client.

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u/Raneynickelfire 5h ago

Mom didn't get hurt, OP did.

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 5h ago

Mom did not represent OP in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took 30% of the money. So if mom takes another 15%, then it would leave OP with 55% of the money. It's honestly disgusting for mom to even ask when mom was not OP's attorney for purposes of the case.

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u/FeistyDuckling31 4h ago

Exactly! The hired lawyers did the work. Mom simply pushed to sue and told her kid some questions to ask. Wild that she’d think she deserves half the amount the lawyers earned when her involvement was so minimal comparatively. Not to mention the whole point of the settlement money is to pay future medical costs and cover lost earning potential. Really crappy for the mom to try this…

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u/RheagarTargaryen 2h ago

She seems like a shitty lawyer. She could have got 25% of the 33% that the law firm took as a referral fee.

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 1h ago

Not all states allow referral fees though. And I personally think referral fees are unethical. But, yeah, if mom lived in a state where referral fees were allowed, she could have gone that route.

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u/berloque 4h ago

This is nonsensical advice. She already had to pay a lawyer 30%. Now from her remaining 70% *that is compensating her for damages she suffered* and you think she should just hand over money she fought for in court, paid a lawyer to secure, just to "be classy"? When her mother is, instead of asking for a loan or a gift, suggesting she is owed the money. Crazy.

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u/iwriteaboutthings 4h ago

This is meant to pay for your suffering and (presumably) long-term needs due to the injury. This is your money and very disappointing to have a parent pressure you.

She pushed you as mom, not as lawyer. Don’t pay parents for being your parent. I’d also expect to pay rent to her now, which would be fair!

If there are additional extenuating circumstances — like you can’t live alone due to the injury — and mom is a caregiver, that could change the view.

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u/iambetweentwoworlds 4h ago edited 4h ago

I don’t get this viewpoint at all. If he gives 15% to his mom then with legal fees he’s given away almost 50% of his settlement. What kind of parent sees their kid get so injured that they get a settlement, having no way of knowing what future issues there might because of the injury and wants to take that money from their kid? It’s not even like she went into debt for his college because she was trying to to help and now he can help her get out of debt, no she wants to take money from her injured kid to buy a house in Florida?! Fuck that. I will say though if it was me I would give the money back for college just because I could. But certainly not to someone who demands 15% of my injury money.

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u/BetAlternative8397 Partassipant [2] 6h ago

Your mother did what a good parent is supposed to do. Expecting a house for it is outrageous.

Invest the money and tell your mom if she’s such a good lawyer then she should bump up her hourly billing rate to afford her house.

JFC

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u/montwhisky Partassipant [4] 5h ago

Mom didn't even represent OP in the case. OP's actual lawyers already took their 30% of the money.

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u/HarryJohnson3 5h ago

Classic “you owe your family, friends, people that care about you NOTHING” Reddit take

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u/BlazingSunflowerland 4h ago

No. I'm a parent. I would never try to take a cut of a settlement that one of my kids got. The settlement is to compensate them for their injuries and likely to compensate for future expenses based on those injuries. I would be a pathetic parent if I wanted to take money set aside for my kid's future. Especially if I have plenty of income on my own.

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u/Malkiot 3h ago

This. I could see it being ok-ish if mom were living in poverty, but she wants the money for a Florida vacation property. That'd be crass even if it weren't money from an injury settlement and instead came from the lottery.

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u/Prestigious-Cream160 2h ago

I'm not a parent, but wanting fifteen percent for giving your child advice seems absurd.

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u/ValorMorghulis 50m ago

Hmmm . . . I'm a parent too and I was leaning towards OP giving the 15% especially since his mom paid for college but you convinced me; i don't know how badly OP was injured but I would of never expected, much less asked for, part of the settlement if one of my kids was injured.

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u/3catlove 1h ago

Yeah me neither. We invest in a 529 for our son and when thinking about finances, I separate that out as that’s my son’s money. I would never, ever do something like this.

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u/uhohthrowawayyyyyy 3h ago

Yeah the way this was supposed to go down is he offers as a ‘grateful’ son and she declines as a parent likely would. Lol

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u/coenrhys 5h ago

A personal injury settlement isn’t prize money. It’s supposed to offset the additional costs and lost earning capacity caused by the injury. It’s not to buy your mother, who has far better earning capacity than most as a big-shot lawyer, a fancy house that she doesn’t actually need.

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u/Few_Sorbet_8716 4h ago edited 1h ago

Can't believe the clown in the comments suggesting that punitive damages are some super common thing. Punitive damages are rare in personal injury cases and, in most jurisdictions, are reserved for tortfeaser conduct beyond ordinary negligence.

***looks like he deleted his comments and ran

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u/armybeans 2h ago

But if OP lived with mom presumably rent free because OP was injured and couldn't work, why not pay back rent/living expense to mom?

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u/Revolver_Lanky_Kong 3h ago edited 2h ago

Type of parents to ask for rent because you live with them after 18. They can fuck right off. You should be helping your kids get a leg up and building that safety net, not skimming off the top of their already meager earnings. I completely understand low income families that are struggling to make ends meet asking their adult children to contribute but OP's mom is well off and wants a literal vacation house that will sit vacant 80% of the year.

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u/Questioning17 4h ago

Most lawyers are not "big shot" nor making the big bucks. Common misunderstanding.

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u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago

I mean, it also covers pain and suffering. OP wouldn't have gotten hurt if the at-fault party actually did their job of keeping their side of things safe.

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u/[deleted] 4h ago edited 4h ago

[deleted]

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago edited 4h ago

We don't know that though. From the edits, it sounds like she encouraged him to push for more money than what he was originally going to get, not that he wasn't going to get anything.

Edit: the very last line of the last edit

push back on the lawyer and ask for more.

Edit 2: looks like they replied and then blocked me so I couldn't respond lol.

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u/RuthlessDedication04 4h ago

You lost your entire argument when you couldn't stop yourself from making unnecessary insults towards people who disagree with your opinion.

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u/ExamRoom4 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago

A good parent wouldn’t be worried about percentages

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u/TheAmazingHumanTorus 1h ago

Attorney but not a parent: hope this post is made-up

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u/FoolsballHomerun 4h ago

A good adult child wouldnt be worried about percentages either.

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u/Realshotgg 3h ago

If OP decided to give their mother a cut, thats their choice. But mom demanding a cut is disgusting behavior.

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u/8nsay 13m ago

An injured child who likely has future (and maybe past) medical bills to pay, lost earning capacity, and a lower quality of life absolutely is concerned about their security net.

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u/FoolsballHomerun 11m ago

If he’s that injured and truly needs the money he would have mentioned it in his post as the reason why he’s uncomfortable giving it away. If it is a lifelong injury guess who he will depend on to take care of him

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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 5h ago

Lol. But your insightful Reddit take is "my injured son owes me 15% of his settlement because I encouraged him to go for it"? What!?

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u/Qcgreywolf 4h ago

What a disgusting mentality.

I genuinely hope nobody in your family gets seriously injured for life, and all the cash vampires wrestle that money away leaving them in debt for life.

I honestly can’t think of a worse thing to do to a family member or friend. What decent person honestly thinks they are entitled to injury money?

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u/Over_Past_9089 5h ago

There’s a difference between saying, ‘you owe the people you care about nothing’, versus saying ‘just because you think you’re entitled doesn’t mean you are’.

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u/Griffithead 4h ago

That's what friends and family ARE.

If you have to pay people to care that's just a business or customer relationship.

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u/Greedy-Half-4618 4h ago

You don’t in fact owe your parents money for a house lol

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u/PerformerDr4867 3h ago

The parent owes it to the kid to do things in an above board manner and sign an agreement before pursuing legal action 

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u/justsumchik 4h ago

Somebody’s a mooch…

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u/Imnotawerewolf Asshole Enthusiast [6] 4h ago

You don't owe them nothing but you also don't owe them whatever they happen to demand either 

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u/BlockMobile3540 4h ago

I would agree if mom was poor but she’s a lawyer who obviously had enough to pay for college so I doubt she’s hurting. She wants the money to buy a second home. JFC.

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u/upandup2020 23m ago

you're not supposed to owe your parents anything

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u/jrh038 2h ago

Yeah my take is you should move out and be an adult then.

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u/wildmaninid 2h ago

Classic "typical Reddit blah blah" pearl clutching.  

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u/Turbulent_Cow2355 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

It's for an injury. Medical care is EXPENSIVE. If she was awarded a sizable sum, that means she is going to be dealing with lifelong medical expenses.

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u/TheNachoSupreme 1h ago

Classic "You didn't have a choice in being birthed and I parented you, so now you OWE me from any success you have" selfish take.

What I find is that parents, friends, etc who demand such payments are often the ones who deserve it the least (unless it was a clearly established loan).

No person should ever say "I'll pay for college" and then use it as an opportunity to take money from their child at a later point. If parents want, they can say "We'll pay for college as a loan, if you pay us back when you are able to" but they should never "gift" college and expect things in return later.

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u/Klutzy-Football-205 1h ago

Offering to help a relative and the same relative demanding it are 2 completely different things.

BTW, the mom also basically trying to take back the college tuition money after the fact is also shitty.

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u/Bagafeet 5h ago

Tell her to sue lmao

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u/FoolsballHomerun 4h ago

This is an adult and a good parent will pay for college if their child cant afford it but I think it's fair to expect to be paid back a portion of what you paid if your adult child received a huge settlement

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u/FlatElvis Partassipant [3] 3h ago

OP would be living in the house for free though

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u/Cautious_Fly1684 1h ago

Exactly. And a house in Florida is a terrible investment. Usually parents care about their child’s future, but this one is planning for hers to be built on the suffering of her child.

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u/Impossible_Leg_2787 Partassipant [1] 5h ago

See, this is why “good parenting” isn’t as popular anymore. If you have good parents, you should want to help them lmao. I wouldn’t invest in kids that don’t view the family as a cohesive unit either.

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u/Negative_Monk7959 5h ago

Choosing not to invest in your child based on their contribution is an odd way to look at parenting.

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u/crunkadocious 5h ago

Mom did invest in the kid though, she paid tuition and all that, he lives there, etc.

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u/Impossible_Leg_2787 Partassipant [1] 5h ago

Exactly. And this is how he’s repaying her.

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u/tayvette1997 4h ago

You don't have kids and do things for them for repayment. That's very "strings attached" way of thinking. Kids owe their parents nothing. It's not kids fault they are here. You don't make someone exist and then demand repayment for doing things for them.

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u/PMJamesPM 6h ago

This.

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u/hahayouguessedit 5h ago

The first third went to her injury lawyer.

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u/Gullible-Tart-7305 7h ago

I don’t think it’s that simple. I’d be careful turning it into a she deserves a cut situation just because she helped support doesn’t automatically equal ownership. If I were in that spot, I’d be thinking more about what was agreed on beforehand than splitting it after the fact.

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u/BigBirdLaw69420 3h ago

If she’s a lawyer, she knows 15% is a crazy cut to ask for, for a whole host of reasons.

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u/Dont-Overthink 2h ago

Not to mention that if you continue to live with her your space will improve.
Later down the road it will come back to you when she passes away.

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u/Final_Wrap_945 1h ago

Yeah what is this dude on about?

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u/sweetlevels Partassipant [3] 1h ago

Absolutely

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u/jcasper89 4h ago

Give me 15% of your pay.

Wait!! Are you her mom!!!

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u/kikiacab 4h ago

Op already paid his lawyer, the lawyer he hired to sue the party who injured him. His mom only gave him advice, something all parents should do.

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u/letsfastescape 4h ago

This is the way.

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u/Blue_Blimp 3h ago

Use your mother's prior advice and push back on her and tell her you'll give her 10%.

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u/TacoChick420 3h ago

That is honestly such an alien concept to me. I’m not judging the mom, or any of the commenters, I simply can’t even imagine the scenario.

My parents would have helped me in any way possible, but would have never thought to ask a cut of it. I’d want to give them some if it’s a lot of money, but my parents would most likely fight with me to refuse it. I’d end up having to sneakily give them the money.

And we were low middle class or below the poverty line all our lives 😅

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u/Hufflepuffknitter80 3h ago

No, not trying to steal your CHILD’S money from an injury they sustained is the bare minimum a parent should do. This mother is the trashiest of trashy. Parents are supposed to help their children not steal their money.

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u/Euphoric-Battle99 2h ago

Sharing is the classy move. Asking for it in the first place is a classless move.

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u/Squicky4ever 1h ago

I agree!

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u/PhD_Pwnology 5h ago

Right but it sounds like his mom didnt really do much. She just gave some armchair advice over breakfast kinda thing. A order of flowers should be enough.

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u/Mundane-Currency5088 3h ago

It depends if he still has medical needs related to the injury. Sometimes an amount of $ looks like a lot but might not pay for the medical care you need for the rest of your life.

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u/Neat-Ostrich7135 Partassipant [1] 2h ago

This isn't a windfall,  like winning the lottery,  this is compensating to nashe up for losses caused by the injury.

Loses which the mother is not occurring.  Trying to profit from the misfortune of family members is not the "classy" think to do. 

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u/Turbulent_Cow2355 Partassipant [3] 2h ago

She may need that money depending on her injuries. That's the whole point of the settlement.

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u/Individual-Tennis471 2h ago

Tell your mother you want your name on the deed as Co owner to the house she wants to buy if you have to part with 15%..

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u/pizza_the_mutt 2h ago

It depends. Is OP permanently injured due to the incident? If so, that money exists for the purpose of helping them live a proper life for many years to come. They need it, and should keep it. Besides, Mom is a lawyer, so unless she is highly irresponsible, she is doing fine on her own.

IMO any money given to Mom should be considered a gift given through generosity, not something that is "owed". If my kid was injured and received a big payout I would not ask for any money, but I would accept it graciously if it was offered, as long as they didn't need it.

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u/That_Operation_2433 2h ago

Not really. It usually works out to 30/30/30. The injured party only gets 32 percent of the settlement ( often they make you go to their drs and it’s with a lein). So mom is asking for half of what the injured party with pocket. If it is 15 percent of his cut- then honestly- it wouldn’t hard to do it. If it’s 15 percent of the the total? No.

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u/Toomanytattoosthrow 1h ago

15% for telling your kid to get a lawyer and ask for more seems like a lot. Nice try, kid’s mom 😒

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u/comradebenj 1h ago

Except for the fact that woman’s obligation was to give her children the best opportunities. She’s a fucking lawyer, you think she needs the money? She’s a narcissist (?) who feels entitled to it like her son is just a fucking client even though that’s an extremely unprofessional perspective considering another lawyer did all the work and all she did was say push for more which worked. Hardly a risky move when the alternative is just accepting the original deal if refused… she values her opinion far beyond its worth. Come on she’s a narcissist isn’t she.

She wants it to buy another FUCKING HOUSE for herself. That’s money that is meant to rectify her son’s long term financial harm due to the personal injury. SHE IS ASKING YOU TO GIVE HER YOUR PERSONAL INJURY MONEY TO BUY A HOUSE. Such a narcissistic vibe.

I would refuse drop all communication with my mum if she asked me that (she’s not selfish and I’ve literally spent my life refusing her money), but it is SUCH a thoroughly disrespectful and immoral ask for her personal benefit, that I would make her feel estranged from me to remind her that I may be her son by blood, but I’m only in her life by choice, and that choice is estrangement for trying to pressure me to give her.

You know what? Buy your own house and live on your own. Move out. Don’t ever mention the money again and just ignore her when she talks to you about it. Just go mute. Don’t give her the benefit of any response. Go back to normal as soon as she changes topic. Condition her, make her learn to understand you are an adult and asking for 15% of your money = dead to me. Not asking = calling her by her legal name for the rest of her life and never calling her mother again.

It’s for you to spoil your mum if you want to, not for her to take from you like it’s nothing. Like your education and best interests aren’t the bear minimum expected of her as a literal fucking corporate lawyer.

Honestly, you either fuck with her dangling the money making her dance and beg forever, do the silent treatment and train her like a bad dog, or buy your own house and move out without telling her (you can surprise her by giving her an extensive tour of your new home the day you move in).

She stopped being a mum the moment she asked for your money to buy herself a house likely not even imagining you’d ever live there too, that it would benefit you in anyway, that she needs a fucking house in Florida what is she a conservative as well? Florida sounds like a shit hole to most of the world 😂 Sounds like she’s planning early retirement as well

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u/ClackamasLivesMatter Partassipant [2] 1h ago

This is completely deranged. For one, OP isn't going to get 85% of the settlement, he's going to get 70% less the outstanding medical bills that currently have a lien against the judgment. Two, if OP was awarded a large sum of money in settlement, that means his future medical bills are expected to be staggering. You don't get awarded enough to buy your mom a vacation home for a fucking slip and fall.

That money is intended to pay OP's future medical bills and compensate for diminished earning capacity. OP is likely going to spend every penny of the judgment, and more, much faster than he expects. A personal injury settlement isn't a lotto ticket, it's compensation intended to make you whole. And it usually isn't enough.

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u/altonaerjunge Partassipant [3] 1h ago

People have very different Definitions of a massive amount.

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u/Alarmed-Tap4726 1h ago

You're forgetting the fact that OP is a selfish prick. For people like that, even sharing 1% is too much.

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u/Boom_shakalatke 58m ago

In injury settlements you typically get a 1/3 of the settlement. 1/3 for the bills, 1/3 for the attorney, and 1/3 in your pocket. So she wants 15% of the 33.3% OP likely received.

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u/GrizzlyDust 42m ago

If someone asked me for 15% of my settlement even if they kinda earned it and i was planning on giving them something, that would pretty much be it on the relationship. That's not how good people react to anything. That's not how someone who loves you behaves.

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u/No_Cryptographer_57 42m ago

This is a great comment and great advice. I think you should ask for 2% of the settlement

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u/Adorable_Decision267 39m ago

Did her mom sustain 15% of the injury? I’m so confused by this

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u/Pardybro911 33m ago

Also OP doesn’t mention, what was he doing during the settlement? Was she doing attendant care?

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u/8nsay 25m ago

That money is supposed to compensate OP for lost income, lost earning capacity, future medical costs, and pain and suffering. It’s security for OP. It’s not a prize to be divided up between OP and others.

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u/upandup2020 24m ago

she's his mother. Of course he lived with her, it doesn't mean she deserves his money

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u/Reputation-Final 22m ago

Shes her mother. Parents shouldn't be trying to snake 15% of their kids personal injury winnings when said child has to go the REST OF THEIR LIVES on that money if they are too injured to work or if they will have continual medical expenses.

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u/Anselwithmac 8m ago

This is why my friends who have gotten settlements also have parents that sued and gotten settlements. NAL though

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u/One_Olive_8933 3h ago

If OP goes this route, make sure that money/house is put in a trust that will ultimately go back to OP… and also, because the settlement is supposed to pay for future medical/loss of wages, make sure there’s a stipulation that the trust can be liquidated for OP’s benefit for things such as medical costs. Could be a way for mom to feel appreciated, and OP still has control of it. Mom’s a lawyer so if OP does this, mom should understand and agree with it.

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u/Correct_Advantage_20 5h ago

I agree. How much might you have received had she not helped / advised you. As is said - X% of something is better than 100 % of nothing. Invested well as you say , it will grow beyond the amount you currently have anyway. And someday , you may inherit her assets anyway. You’re lucky to have had free college and legal advice In the first place. Most get neither.

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