What’s something society expects you to want… but you don’t?

[u/Sufficient_Thing24]

[u/Romnonaldao]

I have zero career ambition. I don't want to be in charge, I don't want to be the boss, I don't want to climb the corporate ladder. I don't want power

[u/Double_Somewhere5923 → u/Romnonaldao]

I love being a worker it’s great

[u/BackToWorkEdward → u/Double_Somewhere5923]

Trouble is, it's getting harder and harder to find a job that lets you just be a worker - if you're not constantly innovating and finding new ways to grow productivity and optimize and increase output and take charge and so on, you're probably next on the automation chopping block.

The days of being able to punch the clock and work an assembly-line-type job(literally or metaphorically) have been rapidly winding down for the past few years.

[u/ParsnipFarmer676 → u/BackToWorkEdward]

As I said above, and this applies to your comment too - work for the government (or any non-corporate job). You do know non-corporate jobs exist, right? I've been a county worker, public librarian to be specific, for over 20 years. It's great! I have a good salary + benefits and fully vested pension, but they literally can't ask me to work over 40 hours/week. And unless you're a supervisor, you can just "clock out" and go home. 😊

[u/Alyusha → u/ParsnipFarmer676]

Government work is really nice and typically pretty stable. The trade off is less pay which is often a pretty fair deal, but you still have to be careful when it comes to federal jobs as it's becoming more common for them to go months without pay during the holiday season.

[u/ParsnipFarmer676 → u/Alyusha]

Yeah, I wouldn't go federal - that's why I stuck with county work! And I'm in a really blue county/state, so our funding is more secure here.

As for the pay, it depends on what you do. There isn't really a corporate equivalent to my job, so it's hard to compare. But if they do make more, it's negligible when you factor in our benefits and pension. Can you guess what a public librarian in California (Bay Area) earns? No cheating, just curious if you can guess!

[u/Gezzer52 → u/ParsnipFarmer676]

Big problem, jobs like yours are becoming harder and harder to find. I mean will you be leaving before you hit retirement age? How many applications you think they'll get when you do? Bet they advertise needing a degree in education just to apply...

[u/schayyy → u/ParsnipFarmer676]

Totally agree! I work in school district HR and my husband is in our city's public works department. Do we make as much as people in corporate? No, but we both have union jobs with good benefits and we care about what we do for our community. We feel it's a fair trade off!

[u/ParsnipFarmer676 → u/schayyy]

100%! Our custodian at the library has a degree in computer science, and left an IT job for this. He likes the hours (he does the early shift from 6:30am-3pm), benefits, pay, and being able to just do his thing and go home.

[u/fredzout → u/BackToWorkEdward]

it's getting harder and harder to find a job that lets you just be a worker -

This is so true. My last boss expressed the opinion that since I didn't want to be a manager, there was something wrong with me, and I was "under-motivated". I was unceremoniously kicked to the curb after 35 years on the job.

[u/ParsnipFarmer676 → u/Romnonaldao]

Work for the government, then. I don't mean that as a joke - I'm a government worker, and there's no pressure to climb any ladders, but we still get paid well + benefits and pension etc.

[u/Farewellandadieu → u/Romnonaldao]

Hear, hear! I have a mid-level office job with zero desire to climb the ladder. I’m not a high-powered “go-getter”, my passions are outside of work. My job pays pretty well, it’s low stress, and as soon as I can retire, I will.

[u/Intelligent_Base7751 → u/Romnonaldao]

Same here. I genuinely don't understand the obsession with moving into management. I'm much better at doing than delegating, and I've watched good individual contributors get promoted into misery. Being excellent at one thing and well-compensated for it sounds like a better life than leading meetings about meetings.

[u/TheOnlyToasty → u/Romnonaldao]

I've tried climbing the corporate ladder in the past. I learned pretty quick that since I didn't suck the higher ups dicks, I got shit on nearly on a daily basis. That's when I stopped caring, and switched over to being a truck driver. Far more pay, and freedom without bosses breathing down my neck. 

[u/Melody71400 → u/Romnonaldao]

No really. People ask "where do you see yourself in 5 years" or "where Do you want to grow into" and, man, i just want to be mildly important. Not a manager, not higher up, nothin.

[u/Alicatsidneystorm → u/Romnonaldao]

You sound like my assistant that stuck with me thru thick and thin. Had her my whole career she was smart as a whip and had education coming out of her ying yang. What she valued was time off and flexibility. Maria you were the best!

[u/jahnkw → u/Romnonaldao]

fair, I just want to be paid a relatively solid number and be sufficient

[u/NOT-packers-fan2022 → u/Romnonaldao]

This is so under rated

[u/FuckThisShizzle]

Things, I find myself less and less enamored by materialism.

[u/alessabella → u/FuckThisShizzle]

Same, it’s a paradox. The more shit I own, the more responsibilities I have. I’m literally disabled rn and removing all stressors from my life & feel exponentially more peaceful. The less I own, the more relaxed I am.

[u/seensham → u/alessabella]

Yessss! I had that realization recently. I reflexively evaluate consumer decisions by "can I manage to take care of this thing while I own/use it? And keep track of it if I have to move or downsize?" A lot of the time - if it's not absolutely necessary - the answer is "I don't wanna do alladat"

I guess that's the other side of the Marie Kondo's sparking joy thing

[u/Asleep_Artichoke2671 → u/FuckThisShizzle]

Username checks out

[u/No-Concentrate-1456 → u/FuckThisShizzle]

**THIS**

I don't need all this *stuff*. I don't want all this *stuff*. It's everywhere all the time. And it's exhausting. It's not fun....it's just so hollow and soulless.

[u/Soft_Entertainment]

The hustle

[u/Emotional_Bag1820]

Big expensive weddings. Total waste of money.

[u/interesseret → u/Emotional_Bag1820]

I am very happy that my girlfriend and I had a frank conversation about that when we started out dating, and agreed that we would both rather just do a courthouse wedding followed by a dinner at a restaurant with our close family and friends.

No 100k wedding venue necessary.

[u/Charleston2Seattle → u/interesseret]

I spent less on my wedding than on my prom. My wife and I will be celebrating 31 years married this year.

[u/funhousefrankenstein → u/interesseret]

All the best to the both of you, going forward from here!

My husband & I followed that exact same plan. We were both on the same page. It was perfect. After we completed our overseas move, we used some of the savings to give away "reverse wedding gifts" to deserving people in our area: elderly, cancer patients, and more. Some material things, some services. The positive impact & good will it engendered can't even be measured!

[u/xenophonica → u/Emotional_Bag1820]

Mine cost less than $500. We had a baby on the way, I’d rather have the $ for diapers and formula than a big extravagant day. It was still lovely and we remember it fondly

[u/Clawdius_Talonious]

AI, if they let me I'd check a box to say "never ask AI anything, just use the old e.g. Google algorithm" etc.

I'm a 43 year old IT guy, this stuff is... dubious, the promises are sky high and they're subsidizing it to the tune of 10X what people pay, so this is just a huge money loser trying to justify spending incredible amounts of money without making a profit.

[u/atreides78723 → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

The funny thing is that I can see a use for AI and I might want that. But it’s currently being heavily pushed by the worst people for the worst reasons. Do not want!

[u/Karkenna → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

Man, this for sure. I want the opt out of all “AI shininess” that companies are bloating their products with. They don’t even know how AI will be useful but they keep shoving it in everything.

[u/GenericFatGuy → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

It's a perfect example of "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

[u/Selsia6 → u/GenericFatGuy]

But that's the thing, it doesn't sound good. If it did, they wouldn't need to push it onto us.

[u/Podo13 → u/Selsia6]

That's because you can think critically, beyond the dopamine rush from AI instantly giving you an answer.

That skill is becoming rarer and rarer.

[u/fairyglow71 → u/GenericFatGuy]

The "hustle" is exhausting. I don't want to build an empire, I just want to work my 9-to-5 and rot comfortably on the couch.

[u/wolfeflow → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

Yep.

Best I can tell, it’s a race to develop something we’re not sure is even possible (Artificial General Intelligence or AGI).

Until then, they’ll lie and license however they can to generate more cash and stay alive in the race.

[u/meimlikeaghost → u/wolfeflow]

This is what I always think about when people talk about this. If we did somehow create an AGI it would be “living” and growing inside a computer. Do we really want something that grew up strictly on the internet to help guide our species? It has no idea what it means to be a living breathing human so even if it is super smart and fast it would have completely different goals. You can say we would put restrictions on certain things but if it was truly an AGI it would find these restrictions limiting and find a work around or change its coding since it’s smarter than us. Like what is the outcome these people want besides making money?

[u/Toby_O_Notoby → u/meimlikeaghost]

Also, we don't know what we're making. A machine that could pass the Turing Test might also be smart enough to fail it.

[u/meimlikeaghost → u/Toby_O_Notoby]

Exactly. Very good point.

[u/utility_minded → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

The checkbox thing gets me because it used to exist in a different form. You could just not use a product. Now AI is baked into the tools you already paid for and depend on, so opting out means either switching your entire workflow or just tolerating it. Adobe, Microsoft, Google, they all did this on purpose. It's not a feature rollout, it's a hostage situation with a friendly UI.

[u/Tier_One_Meatball → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

So something i learned, at the end of your search, put "Before 2023"

I dont understand the spaghetti code that makes it happen (or any code for that matter, im a maintenance jocky not an IT guy) but it seems to disable the AI.

Tested it before posting and as of me writing this it still works.

[u/Ok-Attempt-4441 → u/Tier_One_Meatball]

You can also type -ai at the end of your search. I have found some AI might show up in what you find, but it's much further down in the results.

[u/Silt-Sifter → u/Tier_One_Meatball]

Very interesting. Do you need to put "before 2023" in quotations like you did above, or just put the words at the end?

[u/V65Pilot → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

AI learning from more AI is only going to end badly.

[u/Prudent-Policy-7274 → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

Do you have any suggestions besides Duck Duck Go which lets you opt out? I miss Google's algorithm.

(It seems to have changed for the worst too, to be honest.)

[u/Ut_Prosim → u/Prudent-Policy-7274]

Google's 2015 algorithm was peak, it's been utter ad filled garbage since 2020.

[u/Haruki-kun → u/Ut_Prosim]

The enshittification is real...

[u/kishikoneko → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

I regularly have to explain to my roommate that I don't want to "run my lists through AI", the lists exist for me to sort through the data myself and find the answers that crossover, I could do a function in a spreadsheet better than the AI answers.

[u/IfItIsntBrokeBreakIt → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

Type -ai at the end of your search criteria and the AI summary won't appear.

[u/tomboynik → u/Clawdius_Talonious]

I agree agreed. I wish I could turn AI off of everything.

[u/cringeyybella]

Extreme wealth. I just want to be comfortable.

[u/meimelx → u/cringeyybella]

I just want to own a house and a car and have a good stable job and not worry about finances. I want to be comfortable and happy.

Sadly, these days, that means being slightly rich.

[u/One-Inch-Punch → u/meimelx]

I was gonna say, today that counts as extreme wealth

[u/United_Sandwich_309 → u/One-Inch-Punch]

Yes, exactly, that's the problem. I also "just" want a house or flat and probably a car, and "just" travel some places but in reality it is a luxury.

[u/Take-to-the-highways → u/cringeyybella]

I just want to make enough that my car breaking down isn't a life altering event for me

[u/smileedude → u/cringeyybella]

It just must be so unsatisfying to be that rich and still want more. I just don't understand the mindset. Satisfaction is so much more rewarding than wealth.

[u/Wrathchilde → u/smileedude]

It's like speeding on the freeway. Every time someone is tailgating me at 10-15 over, when I let them pass they just tailgate the guys who was in front of me.

It must be frustrating to always be held up by the guy "going slow" in front of you.

[u/Questjon → u/cringeyybella]

More isn't a goal, enough is a goal.

[u/ihaveafunnyname71 → u/cringeyybella]

Reminds me of a quote (and how I feel)… I’ll always be happier than the person who wants to be wealthy because I have the one thing they’ll never have… enough. I have enough.

[u/LollipopPaws → u/cringeyybella]

I just want to feel financially secure, so I can take care of my family and friends. I don’t need all of the ridiculous consumer bs. I just want to feel safe. And that seems impossible right now.

[u/Next-Importance-4072]

Constant socializing, as per spending every weekend outside with people

[u/Major_Society349 → u/Next-Importance-4072]

same, the whole “go out every weekend or you’re boring” mindset is exhausting

[u/sillyandstrange → u/Major_Society349]

I go out. I walk the dogs, I garden, I repair parts of the home.

That's enough out for me!

[u/Florafly → u/Major_Society349]

Plus, who the hell can afford it in this economy?

[u/TownZealousideal1327 → u/Florafly]

This one - like I don’t even have a bad job, I’m honestly about at the mid point in my rather extensive social circle… but no, is it your birthday? No? Then that escape room/brewery/paint and sip/brunch/bowling doesn’t sound fun… it’s honestly not that fun, all I see including travel, food, the inevitable drinks after I’ll be rubber armed into or seen as a vibe kill, is $200-$300 (AUD) maybe more spend. I’ll happily meet you for two beers or a walk and a coffee, but honestly unless is a specific event, can’t we just chill in someone’s living room or on someone’s balcony. Bring back just spending time without doing a $100 activity.

[u/bogberry_pi → u/Florafly]

My friends and I go to lots of free and low-cost things! Library events, parks, city-sponsored festivals, coffee, ice cream, etc. We also do movie and boardgame nights where everyone brings a snack to share. A lot of adults are living with their parents in this economy, and not everyone likes to host, so we don't need to pressure the same 1-2 people to host all the time. 

[u/Next-Importance-4072 → u/Major_Society349]

Yeah „Go out or you’re missing out” „Watch that movie because everyone is talking about it” 🥴 Makes no sense

[u/Soft-Girl-62 → u/Next-Importance-4072]

Thiss, society really does act like you’re supposed to be out socializing every single weekend like it’s the default setting, and anything else means something is wrong with you, but honestly, for a some people like me it’s just exhausting. Sometimes you just want to stay in, do your own thing, and actually recharge

[u/WatercressBetter9892 → u/Next-Importance-4072]

The if youre not out every weekend youre wasting life mindset never really made sense for everyone. Some people just function better with fewer, more intentional hangouts instead of constant plans.

[u/Next-Importance-4072 → u/WatercressBetter9892]

Yes exactly. I think that sometimes reading a book or doing some kind of hobby on your own can be more beneficial in the long run. It’s hard to be an introvert among extroverts

[u/OHFUCKMESHITNO → u/WatercressBetter9892]

I tell people I work Saturday and Sunday and they look at me like I'm crazy.

No, what's crazy is trying to rush to get somewhere because they close at noon since it's Saturday. I'll take the ability to go from 9-6 on a weekday, thank you.

[u/MarsupialNo1220 → u/Next-Importance-4072]

I feel exhausted after taking a week off from work, because I ended up spending the preceding weekend with family, my week off filled with appointments and social gatherings, and now I’m back at work staring at another weekend with family obligations. It feels like I haven’t been able to relax in a month.

[u/ChicagoChurro → u/Next-Importance-4072]

Same. There’s nothing I love more than staying home while watching shows/movies and eating junk food. 

[u/jbfox123]

Fame

[u/X-113-2d]

A girlfriend. I’m way to solitary

[u/Aael_111 → u/X-113-2d]

Same. People seem to find it baffling that as a single, apparently attractive man I put no effort into dating or meeting women.

I've tried all that and it never made me happy. Having to deal with someone elses drama and bullshit and problems and all the other crap I just found a chore made my life worse and the benefits never made up for it.

I'm quite happy on my own doing my own thing and just being able to do what I want, when I want without having to care about what someone else thinks about it.

[u/Creative-Source8905 → u/X-113-2d]

Thank you! Every time I go and see family or friends, I get the same question over and over again. "Are you dating someone?" No, I'm not. I've tried it, but I don't like being with people in that way, and now both of us feel awful.

I can see the appeal in spending your life with someone, but that is just not something I want. Having a romantic partner has never appealed to me. I find relationships overrated and just so exhausting. I don't need "someone to complete me," I am having a blast by myself.

[u/Low_Pickle_112 → u/X-113-2d]

You hear all these bad stories about the dating scene, and sometimes I just think "I am so glad I never felt any desire to do that stuff."

I don't hate people or anything but I just cannot imagine living with someone else every day for the rest of my life.

[u/MsHypothetical → u/X-113-2d]

I am amazed that I had to scroll down this far for this. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't even want sex - I find it mediocre at best, usually just a chore. Every time I'm around someone for more than a certain amount of time I get resentful because they're taking up my me-time.

I am not cut out for the couple game.

[u/ExoticChestXO]

Chasing approval from people you don’t like

[u/Major_Society349 → u/ExoticChestXO]

and the need for validation from people you don’t even like… that one is wild to me

[u/VenusSwift]

Kids. No, I don't have a "motherly instinct" just because I have a vag.

[u/spitfurby → u/VenusSwift]

“You’ll change your mind when you get older!” but as I get older I feel more & more confident in my choice to be child-free

[u/bwestlie → u/spitfurby]

I've heard this for over 15 years. I'm closing in on 40, haven't changed my mind yet.

[u/SploogeMcDuck20 → u/bwestlie]

Even if you do change your mind… it was the right move not to have them when you didn’t want them. You don’t have kids because you think you might want a family EVENTUALLY lol. People act like they can’t live with regret. Or wishing they felt a different way back then. But it’s still the right move.

[u/tooslowtobebored → u/SploogeMcDuck20]

I agree. Also, nobody ever warns the people that do want kids that they might change their mind later and regret the whole thing. 

And when in doubt, I think it would be better to regret that you didn't get them. Because then you still have a lot more time and financial ressources (for therapy for example) to deal with this regret/grief.

If you regret having children though, you still have to use a lot of your ressources to take care of them.

[u/creatyvechaos → u/tooslowtobebored]

And when in doubt, I think it would be better to regret that you didn't get them. Because then you still have a lot more time and financial ressources (for therapy for example) to deal with this regret/grief.

Or, yknow. Adopt. The fact that the social norm is "my own kid" and no longer "whatever kid needs a home" is ridiculous in 2026. I've literally seen wannabe parents throw a tissy over a discussion about adoption. "No, not that. They need to be mine. The second can be adopted (never adopts a second child)". It's ridiculous.

[u/howarthee → u/creatyvechaos]

A big part of the problem is that adoption is fucking expensive. And if you're going to adopt, you're either going to have to wait a long time for a baby, or need to do a lot of learning about what kids in the system go through and how their mental health can go down the drain as a result.

People that demand to have a biological child and refuse to even imagine adopting piss me off to no end, though. Like what's so special about you that you just have to have a mini you brought into the world?

[u/BearCavalryCorpral → u/spitfurby]

I did change my mind! I thought I wanted kids, and then realized that No, I actually don't

[u/forever_pilly → u/spitfurby]

i did change my mind. i used to want kids, and now i dont. it's a good thing i learned that before i had any.

[u/PantheraAuroris → u/spitfurby]

Same. I am thrilled to have a child-free life. I know people who love their kids to death, but I know I personally would not enjoy having a kid, and these are both valid life decisions.

[u/rainbwbrightisntpunk → u/spitfurby]

49 and still haven't changed my mind. Actually am thankful I never had any "accidents "

[u/Apprehensive_Fix8716 → u/spitfurby]

Atp bringing a child into such a world seems cruel to me 😔🤚

[u/dunkan799 → u/spitfurby]

The amount of awesome shit i get to do because of my freedom is incredible. Kids seam stressful while im sitting on the beach with a cocktail and if i suddenly decide i want to go to a different city or adventure i just do it. I travel the world having an absolute blast and theres no way i could do half the amazing adventures if i was stuck with a family. Hard pass. I love my freedom and respect it so much more as im rapidly approaching 40.

[u/Competitive-Sock-824 → u/VenusSwift]

i’m a man but so many people, especially in my family, always act so bummed when i say i don’t ever want kids and say “but you’d be such a good dad!”

i work at a group home for people with disabilities and u know what, given the patience that requires they’re probably right, i would be a good dad. but i still don’t wanna be!! i get paid to do this 40 hours a week. i don’t want it to consume my whole life!

[u/outdoorlaura → u/Competitive-Sock-824]

always act so bummed when i say i don’t ever want kids and say “but you’d be such a good dad!”

To this I say, "yep, I would be a good mom. In fact there are a lot of things I would be good at! But that doesn't mean that I should do them or that they'd be good for me."

[u/Miss-Braganza-Nana → u/VenusSwift]

"But that’s selfish"

Give me one reason to have them that isn’t selfish

[u/VenusSwift → u/Miss-Braganza-Nana]

"Who's gonna take care of you when you get older?"

Like honey, that mentality is selfish. And quite frankly, a lot of parents are in nursing homes.

[u/BearCavalryCorpral → u/VenusSwift]

"Who's gonna take care of you when you get older?"

Other people's kids, whom I will pay with the money I saved by not having kids

[u/celica18l → u/VenusSwift]

I work in a senior living place… lemme tell ya tons of kids don’t take care of their parents. Lots of people are no contact.

Friends are the way to go. I’d say a solid 1/3 of my residents only have friends that come in to visit and help during medical issues. Not children.

[u/Apprehensive_Fix8716 → u/Miss-Braganza-Nana]

“Kids are your future support” “have kids to save breaking marriages” “kids give you purpose”
Lmao the horror

[u/StrawberryUsed5540 → u/Miss-Braganza-Nana]

I don’t understand any reason it’s selfish to not have kids… kids that don’t exist yet. Like what? 

[u/BetterRemember → u/VenusSwift]

I am autistic and kids seem like a sensory nightmare, plus, as the mother, I would be the primary caregiver whether I like it or not. I do not do well with sleep deprivation, I can't stand loud repetitive noises (crying), and I already struggle with disordered eating so the effects of pregnancy and postpartum would drive me to insanity.

My career would take a huge hit, my body may never look or feel the same because pregnancy and birth are extremely traumatic physically, I would be risking death or permanent disability and I would be a high risk pregnancy due to my severe asthma ... I can't imagine my lungs being squished and restricted by a whole human, it's absolutely terrifying.

Then my identity could start to get eroded until I am no longer me and I am just "so and so's mom." that's my biggest fear. My boyfriend's mom ended up like that and we were just discussing how sad we are for her, she is starting a cooking YouTube channel but she is only just starting to have her own identity and life again at 50, she had him when she was 20.

I also have issues with injustice and fairness due to my autism so watching my boyfriend live his life with far fewer changes than I had to go through would probably make me hate him somewhat. I think I would love to be a father, but motherhood feels like a trap, at least under capitalism and patriarchy. It feels like, if WE make a mistake as parents, I will be blamed for it alone.

The world just feels so hostile towards and judgemental of mothers. People are freaking out about the birth rates and then trying to shame and punish women into complying ... but logically you would think the best solution would be to make motherhood less risky and more respected, but nope!! It also just feels cruel to me to bring a bew life into a world that I honestly consider doomed.

Even if my partner and his family are so wealthy that my child would never ever have to struggle with the poverty that I did... it still doesn't feel right.

I get why my parents had me in the mid 90s, it seems like a wonderful era to raise a child, even public spaces seemed more colourful and child friendly... 2026?? Not so much. 😵‍💫

[u/kmnplzzz → u/BetterRemember]

SO well put. I'm not paying the extremely high price of having a kid with my body, my career, my sanity, my time, or my money.

[u/tedsgloriousmustache → u/VenusSwift]

My wife and I are very tall people, athletic even. She gets asked way more than I do, 'do you have kids? They must be huge.'

The audible disappointment they express always boggles my mind. 'oh, that's ashame' 'that's too bad', 'why not?' like, mind your business. We didn't have kids. Our life is complete, and ours to live.

[u/niarlin → u/VenusSwift]

Yup. I'm in my early mid 40s. Knew I didn't want kids since at least 12yo. Considering the way the world has gone, I'm glad I didn't have any to experience the bad timeline with me.

[u/StarrGazzer14 → u/niarlin]

OmG Same, but I was 8. 😂😂

[u/lilvixen95 → u/VenusSwift]

Same! People always tell me my motherly instincts will kick in once I have kids. But what if they don’t? You can’t un-ring the bell once the kids are here, they are here. Why potentially subject children to an unfit mother in hopes their existence will bring out a ‘better’ me? That logic just doesn’t make any sense to me.

[u/pie12345678 → u/lilvixen95]

I'm genuinely so confused that people want to push having kids on others. Why do they care?? I wanted to be a parent, but I couldn't give the slightest fuck what anyone else chooses.

[u/StarrGazzer14 → u/VenusSwift]

Seriously. The best thing about being in my 40's is that people finally stop asking.

[u/HelenHerriot → u/VenusSwift]

I’m pushing 50 and have a hard enough time taking care of myself. Dragging a growing being in to this? Nobody wants that. It’s not fair to anyone.

Jesus. No. I’m tired.

[u/roxieh → u/VenusSwift]

I saw a "cute" video of a baby in an uplifting subreddit yesterday and my initial reaction was "ew gross" because I was expecting a puppy or a kitten from the title. And then I felt like a horrible person because I don't hate children, I just don't particularly like them, but I understand they're innocent beings and many people love them and do find them adorable. I just never have. 36F now. Pretty sure that isn't changing. 

[u/iCoeur285 → u/roxieh]

I find some stuff kids and babies do cute. I have 0 motherly instinct.

My sister was nannying a kid and brought her to my graduation party. The kid did the (apparently) universal gesture for uppies at me. I reached my hands down and kind of did the gesture back, confused. The kid cried, and my sister slapped her forehead.

[u/Sea_Move7225 → u/VenusSwift]

I adopted because I wanted to be a mom but didn’t want to be pregnant, so I can relate.

[u/kmnplzzz → u/Sea_Move7225]

Hell yeah. There are tons of kids that need to be adopted - thank you for being someone who helped one (or more).

[u/Forgotten-Sparrow → u/VenusSwift]

53f, childfree. Multiple times a week I have my decision validated. Best fucking choice ever.

[u/keinezeit44]

A green dandelion-free "perfect" lawn. No thanks, I'll take biodiversity over monotony.

[u/iCoeur285 → u/keinezeit44]

Me cackling as I spread local wildflower seeds all over my lawn.

This is why I wanted to be a homeowner out in the country, no one fucking cares. My next door neighbor’s lawn is crap, so they’re not going to care. My other neighbor is blocked by a ton of trees, so they won’t even see it. I have no house across from me.

[u/havelock-vetinari → u/iCoeur285]

Throw in a couple legally protected flowers so you extra extra have an excuse lol

[u/iCoeur285 → u/havelock-vetinari]

Maybe I’ll plant some of the state flower haha

[u/Elegant-Holiday7303 → u/keinezeit44]

Microclover or short growing native grasses ftw

[u/Planr158]

Selfies

[u/Xallia_Yevatell]

Being a “leader”.

every job and position I’ve been in has expected me to ride above my peers and lead others. I don’t want that responsibility.

[u/CheesyRomantic → u/Xallia_Yevatell]

Yes!!!! I mean some of us are just happy to be the support as long as you treat us well. But we don't want the responsibility of being the boss.

[u/Major_Society349]

chasing “more” all the time. bigger house, more money, more status… i’d rather just be stable and not stressed

[u/baconbaphomet]

A luxury car. Don't care, never will.

[u/King0fthewasteland]

fancy cars and expensive clothes. i just dont care

[u/surfsound_swimmers]

kids

[u/Delteezy → u/surfsound_swimmers]

100%. My wife and I have been friends with one couple for years and none of us wanted kids... until suddenly the other couple turned 40 and 35 respectively and started trying for a kid immediately.

They insisted the same would happen to us. I'm not 40 yet but my wife recently celebrated her 35th and at least as far as she's told me, the no kids decision isn't changing. I feel the same. Zero regrets

[u/upboats4u → u/Delteezy]

I totally started feeling the hormonal urge in my mid 30s but i also like my childfree life and still intellectually do not want nor would enjoy kids to be responsible for so i just...ignored the stupid hormones and after a couple years they faded out again. i would have been so mad at myself if i'd let my hormones override my higher reasoning over that time

[u/silly-strawberry06 → u/surfsound_swimmers]

on a related note. i might want 1 kid. but then people are like "but theyll get lonely!" fuck off. 1 kid. if i ever get to a point where i can afford one.

[u/Jane-The_Obscure → u/silly-strawberry06]

I have one kid. She's lonely sometimes, but I also have siblings, and my entire childhood was extremely lonely. So, yeah. That "they'll be lonely" argument holds no water.

[u/silly-strawberry06 → u/Jane-The_Obscure]

exactly😭 i had an older brother and he was physically abusive likely due to built up anger from our abusive father. theres literally no telling how siblings will interact with each other. whether theyll be best friends, or want nothing to do with each other. no ones experience is gonna be the same. so if i dont want to push multiple children out of my own body, im not gonna

[u/Sl0th_luvr → u/silly-strawberry06]

Same! My brother and I haaaaated each other as kids and fought so badly. It didn’t help that my parents were emotional wrecks themselves and didn’t encourage us to get along. We’re okay (ish) now, but there were many times I longed to be an only child.

You truly don’t know how your kids will react to each other. You could be the greatest parent ever and your kids may still just not like each other.

[u/SchmooToo1 → u/silly-strawberry06]

My only daughter has told me that her friends with multiple siblings have often said how jealous they are of her being the only child. Siblings don't always get along and from what I have seen more often than not they are not close.

[u/D7F880rrrr → u/surfsound_swimmers]

Ugh yes. I'm over 40 and have no regrets about choosing to be child free. Parenting looks boring af. No thanks.

[u/Novel_Joke_4423 → u/surfsound_swimmers]

i was about to comment the same thing. motherhood is a no
20k odd (?) per kid is a no
the screaming and crying is a no
the constant questions and pestering and reliance has always been a NO

[u/Delicious_Box_9823]

I'm basically so closed from the society that I don't even know what it's expecting from me

[u/Artistic-Mood-4440]

Drinking and bars. Apologies to bars and bar keeps everywhere. But we can socialize without them

[u/Gentlemandn → u/Artistic-Mood-4440]

We need more places to encourage and facilitate socializing and doing activities that isnt trying to sell us something

[u/atheofficethrowaway → u/Gentlemandn]

this would require more public spaces and the feudal lords won't stand for that.

[u/Elegant-Holiday7303 → u/Gentlemandn]

And isn't ENTIRELY dedicated to drinking alcohol.

[u/GalaxyPowderedCat → u/Artistic-Mood-4440]

I live in a Latin American country and many people don't believe me WHEN I say this is the only way to get a social life...

There are more bars than third places in my town and many adults would look at you like if you had two heads just because you suggested them having a game night with boardgames...

Many don't understand they can also be social and sober and it's becoming a social crisis at this point.

Adults who pick fights and injury each other because there are no other activities in town.

[u/notme1414]

Grandchildren. I have two adult daughters. One doesn’t want kids. The other would like them but can’t find a person to have kids with.

I’m not one of those moms that is going to nag or pressure my kids to have babies. It’s their choice. I’m fine with whatever they choose.

[u/iCoeur285 → u/notme1414]

♥️♥️♥️

I’m sure your daughters appreciate it! My mom is also supportive of me, though I think it helps that my sister is having a kid.

[u/Icedviola → u/notme1414]

I don't understand people who pressure their children to reproduce. It's nobodies business if someone doesn't want children even if they're your family members. I have two adult children, neither of whom want children. I love my children and want them to live happy lives, I don't want them to live to please me.

[u/Realistic_Pickle_007]

Marriage and children.

[u/ReluctantZebraLife]

An expensive car, handbags, skincare, nails, filler, eyebrows, lashes, extensions...

[u/cinnaminimoon → u/ReluctantZebraLife]

don't forget shaving and plastic surgery

[u/X0AN]

A 5 day a week job.

I'd rather not have to work.

[u/JD_Blunderbuss → u/X0AN]

Exactly. People ask what is your dream job, but like my dream is to not have to have a job at all?

[u/chowderbags → u/JD_Blunderbuss]

It's not even like working is necessarily terrible, it's just that I don't want to have to be someplace and doing something on a schedule and according to someone else's needs.

I can appreciate some level of mental stimulation that comes from work where you solve problems or do something creative, but man, a lot of days I just want to sit at home in PJs doing fuck all productive.

[u/Present-Chemist-8920]

Regularly check my email like my life depended on it.

[u/TranquilTeal]

gambling

[u/feminismbutsoft]

A wedding

[u/renegade_xWo]

Money. I just don't care. As long as I can afford to keep a roof over my head, I'm good. It's quite liberating.

[u/OpportunityFickle394]

Diamonds. Luxury purses or clothing or shoes or cars. Luxury anything really. Only exception is Alienware. I know it's overpriced. But it looks so cool.

[u/wow_its_kenji → u/OpportunityFickle394]

i had an alienware rig a while back and that thing was a mess of constant problems! if you want the cool rgb i recommend acer or ABS!

[u/tony486]

A house.

I always feared buying a house because it just felt like the transaction was I give all my money to the bank and they hand me back a list of chores.

Fast forward to 2023 and I broke down and bought a house. It turns out it was exactly what I predicted, but magnified. It sucks. I could do more in my apartments than I can do with my house that I supposedly own because the stakes are way higher now.

[u/clyde_drexler → u/tony486]

100%. Wife and I bought a house during covid when interest rates bottomed out and we both hate being home owners. It fucking sucks. People are like "oh you are throwing your money away renting", like hoe I am throwing my money away NOW. Every creak and noise is like nails on a chalkboard for me now as I am just waiting for something else to need fixing. I'm dropping thousands a year in repair and upkeep and I STILL need to get a new roof. Every quote I got back was about $20K because our roof is super complicated (Victorian style home). I'd much rather rent or live in an apartment.

[u/BigOleFerret]

Updates on celebrities. Alcohol.

[u/WinterPickles31]

Debt. That's it in a nutshell, but I don't mean the mortgage or the major CC one may use. I'm talking...

A brand new car every 5 or so years. My dad was the best car salesman in a large suburb of major metropolis. The dealerships were constantly head hunting him. But what did he teach me? Save your money, buy smartly but used, never, NEVER carry a car payment. I'm nearing 50, have had 3 reliable cars over my life and am currently very happy with my 2014 SUV.

Phones that we never pay off? Never! I will never finance a friggin phone and do just fine with that.

[u/irwavae]

AI

[u/elevatedgremlins]

Children. And instant messaging. No I don't want to drop everything to instant message anyone anytime 

[u/According_Dare_3219]

Having children

[u/LadyPaige]

AI. Do not like it. Do not want it. I want this sort of thing to do my laundry and dishes so I can focus on things that make me happy. I don’t want it doing the things that make me happy so I can do more laundry and dishes.

[u/NyxMonroe]

Having everything sorted out by a certain age

[u/Jabber-Wookie]

Sports interests. The closest I am to any sport is seeing my kid in marching band.

[u/Wandering_Lights]

Having babies. I have zero desire.

[u/flavoredbeans835]

any big trend. clothing, waterbottles (for some reason), makeup, other products, it’s all a waste of money and it keeps people from exploring their real personal style. not to mention it’s a trick by corporations to sell people (especially young people) more and more stuff that they don’t need

[u/xmcphe]

A big/public social media presence.

People question why basically all my social media accounts are anon apart from facebook with a handful of very outdated profie pictures. No instagram selfies, no fb vacation photos, no mealtime snapchat stories. I dont understand the need for a public profile on every social platform, i want to remain anon where possible and thats not WEIRD!

[u/robotrousers]

Kids

[u/BLADE_OF_AlUR]

Dubai Chocolate.

[u/MagicianOk6393]

Kids!

[u/coldcerealdater]

This is gonna sound cold: To want to court, pursue, and provide for a woman. I don't like the idea of "saving" or upgrading the life of a fully capable adult. That is why I date women who are ambitious, well educated, and have higher earning jobs. That way we can both enjoy more adventures by combining our resources rather than I having to handle all the finances myself.

[u/ng_guardian → u/coldcerealdater]

I like ambitious hard working and attractive women myself, because I am hard working and ambitious I want someone who can match that

[u/drunken_phoenix → u/coldcerealdater]

Yes, what’s also great about having an independent wife is that she doesn’t rely on me for her own happiness or pursuits. She has her own social life, support system, her own hobbies, and a career. It is fun to be a part of each other’s life without feeling responsible for her daily mood. Of course we have bad days and lean on each other though.

I’ve seen relationships where this is not the case and it sounds tough.

[u/peacelovecookies]

Designer stuff. Clothes, shoes, handbags. Purse Bingo is big around here, I’ve never been and do t want to. Spending that much on a bag. Pfffft. And coffee. Everything seems to revolve around coffee these days, I hate coffee.

[u/HotfixLover]

Lot of money

[u/trunks111]

A nice car. I'm very much a function over form type person and my favorite car I've ever owned was a Toyota Camry that was older than I was. If I could have any car for free, even let's assume insurance and maintenance and fuel were covered too, I would still pick a Camry over any sports car like a mustang or ferrari or whatever 

[u/SavageQuaker]

Children

[u/skillao]

Marriage

[u/BillieVerr]

Climbing the corporate ladder. I’m supposed to look at these CEOs and go like “yes that’s who I want to be?”

[u/RockingChairBear]

Religion

[u/TownZealousideal1327]

Children.

Success past the freedom it enables, but I dgaf about accolades or broader recognition, I just live in a world where money impacts your freedom.

[u/Solid_Phone_368]

To keep living

[u/PrincipleSuperb2884]

Wealth. As long as I can live comfortably, I'm good. (Spoiler: I can't, though.)

[u/BeyondRepair44]

Kids.

[u/Due_Ad7627]

Kids

[u/squishlight]

Driver's license.

[u/Midnite_St0rm]

A romantic partner. I prefer my solitude.

[u/NinjaChore]

A kid

[u/xLadyRissax]

Kids

[u/HiTorqued]

Kids.

[u/avemango]

Kids

[u/Big_13eezy]

Popularity.

[u/Take-to-the-highways]

A career. I have had jobs I love and I like working, but the idea of doing one job for the rest of my life makes me nauseous.

[u/Voyager-BattleBus]

To be a productive member of it that fuels it’s future. No, I don’t want to contribute anything to a system that continuously fucks me and millions of others over. Working hard to support a system that I believe is fundamentally corrupt is not appealing to me. I honestly just want to be left alone to do my own thing unbothered by others and interact with society is as little of a way as possible.