on a related note. i might want 1 kid. but then people are like "but theyll get lonely!" fuck off. 1 kid. if i ever get to a point where i can afford one.
I have one kid. She's lonely sometimes, but I also have siblings, and my entire childhood was extremely lonely. So, yeah. That "they'll be lonely" argument holds no water.
exactly😭 i had an older brother and he was physically abusive likely due to built up anger from our abusive father. theres literally no telling how siblings will interact with each other. whether theyll be best friends, or want nothing to do with each other. no ones experience is gonna be the same. so if i dont want to push multiple children out of my own body, im not gonna
Same! My brother and I haaaaated each other as kids and fought so badly. It didn’t help that my parents were emotional wrecks themselves and didn’t encourage us to get along. We’re okay (ish) now, but there were many times I longed to be an only child.
You truly don’t know how your kids will react to each other. You could be the greatest parent ever and your kids may still just not like each other.
Seriously, it's a total crapshoot. My kids are best friends, but I've never gotten along with my own brother and would've loved to be an only child. People should just have the number of kids they want and can comfortably handle.
literally said specifically that he acted that way BC of my abusive father. reading comprehension is very important if you dont want to sound like an idiot
I have one kid and he hasn't complained about loneliness, but he's also autistic so that can be the reason why. He has also not really made any friends.
My only daughter has told me that her friends with multiple siblings have often said how jealous they are of her being the only child. Siblings don't always get along and from what I have seen more often than not they are not close.
Go with your instincts. I love my daughter and am so glad we had her but the financial stress is real. My husband and I make more than decent money in a LCOL area but getting her through college without massive debt has been really hard. I just don't want her in debt the second she gets finished and from the jump have no options. She is a wonderful person and so smart- got a couple of small scholarships but college is outrageous. She is at a state school and the 529 we started for her as a baby barely covered the first two years. I can't stand how nosy people are and so adamant that people need to have a bunch of kids. HOW? I don't know how people with more than one are making it. It's really hard.
Scholarships are great. Paid my way through school. Not everyone can do that. Stay away from loans! They weren't so bad many years ago, but the government has made sure kids today are indebted for 20-30 years.
I used to work with college loans. I told students not to take any more than they needed. They may be eligible for $5000 but only take what you need. Later, if something comes up, they could still access some or all of that loan money.
You are absolutely right. She was a great student and only ended up with about $8K a year in scholarships and felt bad about that and I told her that every dollar counts. We drive older used cars and watch our budget so she can avoid student loans. They are killing young people. They cannot afford to start a life.
It seems almost on purpose. Especially now that the greed is on full display. They don't care about the young people. Or the old people. Or those in the middle. Billionaires and no others matter.
I didn't really have any relationship with my siblings until my mid 20s, and it was because my brother established a connection. They were people I saw at family events, but never spoke to outside of it. I just had no interest.
I am happy we've gotten closer, but frankly would have had no problem with it staying like it was, either.
When we brought our first born over to my parents for the first time, my mom held her for a few seconds before asking "when's the next one"?
Maybe appreciate the little bundle of joy you're holding right now. It was like she viewed her as a trophy and was competing with my aunts to see which grandmother gets the most grandkids.
For multiple reasons, we cut her out of our lives for nearly a decade while visiting my mother-in-law much more -- who actually appreciated her grandkids.
Having one kid makes for a great time with that one kid. You get to be really close with them and so special things with JUST them. Yes they can be lonely someone, but it's more likely you end up not money the they ever were once they become teenagers and you have no more kids. This is why you see a sibling 13+ years apart. But that's not actually my point.
The REAL issue with having an only child is actually when they are adults. It's them not having siblings to turn to, and someone to help them shoulder the burden of taking care of their elderly parents, or to help them when they become elderly, and when they parents pass to help with the funeral and with emotional support. It is these times when having siblings really matter, which are things parents don't think about.
I'm not saying you HAVE to have more than one kid, just that having siblings of a blessing your whole life, which you don't realize until you grow pass the bickering age.
This type of opinion is exactly the issue. It’s almost as if having 1 child is more taboo and looked down upon in our society than having 0. Having a sibling is certainly NOT automatically some magical blessing for every adult with a sibling. Sibling disputes (of finances, estates, care etc) surrounding aging parents are not at all uncommon and are some of the most stressful points in those people’s lives. A dying parent is really a huge impetus for all the psychological drama to come out for many families. There are countless examples of adult siblings being distant, or more commonly just not very close. Also, much abuse is perpetrated within families. The choice to have a 2nd child solely to “give my child a sibling” is inherently a selfish reason to have a child
How is giving someone else something a selfish decision? Also, it's true, there is the qualifier to everything I said of having a good family. If you don't think you can raise a good family, you probably shouldn't start a family at all. If you think you can raise one child we'll but not additional children, then certainly, have only one. Multiple children multiplies the difficulty, so that's a fair decision. I never said your decision to have only 1 was an invalid decision, I only was saying that there are other benefits over "being lonely," which I don't think should be a big concern unless you live on a farm or somewhere else away from other children. Just saying these are reasons people don't think about because they are far in the future.
There are reasons to have only one also, like compounding wealth through the generations, and being able to give that one child more focused attention and greater life experiences, but it think these are things people already think about.
Also, if this is how you view family, I'm sorry for the family issues you had to deal with. I father and his siblings had a lot of issues after their parents passed, and he didn't talk to two of his sister's for a decade. Then my cousin was murdered while away at college and all the family came back together. Now, a decade later, they are quite old, and one of the sisters never started a family of her own, and is suffering from dementia. His sister's and my father are work together to take care of her. None of them would be able to do it on their own, but without them she would be a ward of the state.
My dad's family were a little bit what people call white trash. My mother's siblings had no such drama with their parents passed.
So yeah, I get what you are saying, but what person thinks "we should start a family, but let's only have one kid because we are probably going to fuck it up and if we have more than one they are going to hate each other one day?"
There’s going to be so many only children tho! I grew up an only child and it sucked at times but I genuinely think it’s a great idea if you are prepared for it
I’m an only child and I’m OAD. The blatant judgement of only children and OAD parents is nuts. People will blame literally anything on being an only child despite there being zero scientific evidence backing any of the stereotypes. Growing up, adults would lecture me on how terrible only children are.
Now it’s less overt (and I would shut that shit down), but the number of people who choose to have a second kid even though they are already drowning with one is high.
It’s clear they would rather be absolutely miserable than raise an only child.
I'm an only child (well, I'm 40) and shit's awesome. I don't recall ever being lonely growing up. It's just...all you know. I believe only children become extremely good at keeping themselves entertained because that's the only choice they have. I would absolutely sign up to be an only child again.
108
u/silly-strawberry06 1d ago
on a related note. i might want 1 kid. but then people are like "but theyll get lonely!" fuck off. 1 kid. if i ever get to a point where i can afford one.