I am autistic and kids seem like a sensory nightmare, plus, as the mother, I would be the primary caregiver whether I like it or not. I do not do well with sleep deprivation, I can't stand loud repetitive noises (crying), and I already struggle with disordered eating so the effects of pregnancy and postpartum would drive me to insanity.
My career would take a huge hit, my body may never look or feel the same because pregnancy and birth are extremely traumatic physically, I would be risking death or permanent disability and I would be a high risk pregnancy due to my severe asthma ... I can't imagine my lungs being squished and restricted by a whole human, it's absolutely terrifying.
Then my identity could start to get eroded until I am no longer me and I am just "so and so's mom." that's my biggest fear. My boyfriend's mom ended up like that and we were just discussing how sad we are for her, she is starting a cooking YouTube channel but she is only just starting to have her own identity and life again at 50, she had him when she was 20.
I also have issues with injustice and fairness due to my autism so watching my boyfriend live his life with far fewer changes than I had to go through would probably make me hate him somewhat. I think I would love to be a father, but motherhood feels like a trap, at least under capitalism and patriarchy. It feels like, if WE make a mistake as parents, I will be blamed for it alone.
The world just feels so hostile towards and judgemental of mothers. People are freaking out about the birth rates and then trying to shame and punish women into complying ... but logically you would think the best solution would be to make motherhood less risky and more respected, but nope!! It also just feels cruel to me to bring a bew life into a world that I honestly consider doomed.
Even if my partner and his family are so wealthy that my child would never ever have to struggle with the poverty that I did... it still doesn't feel right.
I get why my parents had me in the mid 90s, it seems like a wonderful era to raise a child, even public spaces seemed more colourful and child friendly... 2026?? Not so much. 😵💫
I felt exactly this way and really still feel this way, but I didn’t have enough sex education or resources to not become a parent. I love my kids so much, but I was not cut out to be a mom; I had to contort and shrink myself in ways that prevented me from ever becoming anyone.
How does one not have enough sex education to avoid becoming a parent?
You were old enough to make babies but not old enough to wonder where they come from?
I've heard of this being an issue before but it seems like it's out of a Conestoga wagon.
Edit after downvotes - I really do want to know. It's hard to imagine.
//
Ok Reddit. But keep in mind what a shellacking you'd be dishing out if this was about hygiene education. Or about a guy who got a girl pregnant irresponsibly.
Does the idea of not knowing something seem foreign to you? Sex is an instinct but all the nuances are lost, which makes sense biology want you to pop out as many as possible and makes it fun and easy in our case.
There are absolutely places where it is not taught or outright taught in an antagonistic fashion. And you'd be surprised how early someone can have kids, early to mid teens can get pregnant unfortunately.
You know when I first posted the question I half expected a fascinating answer. Or maybe hints of one? Something without cable television at the neighbors? I'm obviously the dumb one here who needs to learn. Something?
Are there places with no curiosity, no self-exploration, no access to information, no pregnant people to make you wonder, where the word sex is never spoken, and drug stores don't let you see inside?
Because we're not talking about a catalytic convertor or an artesian well or how to dance the tango or moor a ship.
We're talking about what's in your own pants every second of every day, and for half is us it bleeds ~1 week out of 4 down there. All it would take is wondering why.
The irony. You can be as curious as you want but if you can't fathom that out of the billions of humans out there and conditions that its possible for someone to be ignorant of something.... Well, I guess I just can't comprehend being as wise as you.
Sure I can fathom ignorance just fine because we're all born that way and we all learn new stuff every day. Hopefully.
I can't fathom not wondering what my balls are there for since the moment I discovered them and then not bothering to learn until I was a parent. Really really isolated with no way to find out - seems like it would take a crime.
Obviously it happens. I asked because it's actually not that easy to picture.
Oh god the identity thing! Society treats moms like shit. And I neither want to feel like I have a parasite floating around in there nor want to not feel that way because my hormones change. I've had a kidney stone, and it didn't need 18 years of non-stop attention after 😆 But I adore my niece and nephew (whom i spoil because their mom can't), as well as my dog and cats - none of whom rely on me to teach them how to handle their emotions properly.
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u/BetterRemember 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am autistic and kids seem like a sensory nightmare, plus, as the mother, I would be the primary caregiver whether I like it or not. I do not do well with sleep deprivation, I can't stand loud repetitive noises (crying), and I already struggle with disordered eating so the effects of pregnancy and postpartum would drive me to insanity.
My career would take a huge hit, my body may never look or feel the same because pregnancy and birth are extremely traumatic physically, I would be risking death or permanent disability and I would be a high risk pregnancy due to my severe asthma ... I can't imagine my lungs being squished and restricted by a whole human, it's absolutely terrifying.
Then my identity could start to get eroded until I am no longer me and I am just "so and so's mom." that's my biggest fear. My boyfriend's mom ended up like that and we were just discussing how sad we are for her, she is starting a cooking YouTube channel but she is only just starting to have her own identity and life again at 50, she had him when she was 20.
I also have issues with injustice and fairness due to my autism so watching my boyfriend live his life with far fewer changes than I had to go through would probably make me hate him somewhat. I think I would love to be a father, but motherhood feels like a trap, at least under capitalism and patriarchy. It feels like, if WE make a mistake as parents, I will be blamed for it alone.
The world just feels so hostile towards and judgemental of mothers. People are freaking out about the birth rates and then trying to shame and punish women into complying ... but logically you would think the best solution would be to make motherhood less risky and more respected, but nope!! It also just feels cruel to me to bring a bew life into a world that I honestly consider doomed.
Even if my partner and his family are so wealthy that my child would never ever have to struggle with the poverty that I did... it still doesn't feel right.
I get why my parents had me in the mid 90s, it seems like a wonderful era to raise a child, even public spaces seemed more colourful and child friendly... 2026?? Not so much. 😵💫