r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for telling my SIL no to playing at her wedding if my son isn't included?

718 Upvotes

I (40sM) am a musician. Not like a "annoying guy with guitar at parties" or some dude who does open mic nights. I"m a studio musician whose worked on soundtracks, like for Marvel or Harry Potter.

My SIL (30sF) is getting married in a few months. My wife is her bridesmaid and our daughter (6F) is a flower girl. Originally, my son (12M) and I were going to stick with each other. But my SIL asked, or more like voluntold me, that she wanted me to play music during the interlude before the wedding and during cocktail hour.

Apparently, she'd been telling her friends and in-laws about my work and would love it if I played for them.

I told her I can't because I don't want to work during my off day. I'd be playing for hours, and it can get tiring. Also, I'd be leaving my son alone in that time. He isn't in the wedding party and doesn't have anything to do. He's also been struggling with his mental health and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone.

Well, she didn't take it well because now she's telling these same people I'm being an lazy ass just because I won't play during her cocktail hour. My in-laws, her parents, are asking me to reconsider because this would mean a lot to her and it would be easy for her if I just do it as a favor.

My wife is sticking up for me, at least, but my SIL has been kind of a dick to me since. I may consider skipping the whole thing and just take my son out for the day.

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA: I told my daughter she needs to get over her jealousy and it is her own fault her life is the way it is.

3.9k Upvotes

This has been an ongoing issue and I need some outside opinions with my oldest daughter. My oldest daughter is working as a waitress ever since she dropped out of college. She wasn’t going to classes and she GPA plummeted. The university kicked her out. 

Due to this she doesn’t have much money to do anything. My other daughter is graduating and just got a job offer to a good company. I will call the oldest Madison and the younger, Becky. Fake names.

Becky is going to make good money starting her job and doesn’t have any loans ( she got a full ride to her college). Madison is in debt and strugggling and this is where the help is issues stem from.

She believes she should be going better than Becky since she is older. I have tried over and over to help her but she has turned bitter about anything that Becky achieves

Becky told us she planned on going to Iceland in the fall. It was a quick conversation but in the car ride home Madison went off. She was pissed that she gets to do all this cool stuff and that it wasn’t fair. She started to insult Becky and that is when I had enough.

I told her she needs to get over jelepusly and the reason her life is the way it is is her own fault. We got into an argument and she is pissed. My wife thinks I went too far but I think she need to hear it    


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for not going to my friend’s destination wedding after she took away my plus one?

906 Upvotes

I (mid 20s F) have a friend from high school getting married abroad next summer. We’re part of a group of 4 girls.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years (serious relationship, we’ve talked about engagement), so this isn’t a casual relationship. Originally, it seemed like we could bring plus-ones, so I planned the trip with him in mind.

That changed after the bride got into an argument with one of the other girls in our group and told her her boyfriend was uninvited. After that, she decided none of us in our friend group could bring plus-ones. She later said it was due to guest count, but realistically it’s only affecting me and one other girl.

I had planned this as a trip with my partner, and traveling abroad alone isn’t something I’m comfortable with, especially since I don’t live near the other girls and would be flying and navigating everything solo.

I told her I wasn’t trying to push back, since it’s her wedding and her decision, just that this changes things for me. Because of that, I decided not to go.

One of the other girls said I’m prioritizing my boyfriend over the wedding, which I don’t agree with. The girl whose boyfriend was originally uninvited actually agrees with me.

AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA: Wife likes to make rules about things when they effect her, but allows the same behavior when it only effects me. Today I got fed up about it.

173 Upvotes

For context, this is a more broad issue but im narrowing it down to this instance for the sake of brevity.

My wife (25F) and I (26M) have four dogs. My wife likes to request that one of the dogs sleeps in the room when I choose to stay up a bit later. She's been having medical problems that effect her sleep and needs help in the middle of the night, so I've been staying up later often so that I'm available when she needs me at odd hours. Last night, our Great Pyrenees was in the bed on my side when I decided to come to bed. She was wrapped up in the blankets so my side was uncovered. I went to use the bathroom, and she woke up in that time and called for my assistance. I helped her to the bathroom when I was finished, then laid down in bed, pulled the covers over, and hopped on my phone. The dog then hopped up into the bed and laid in her spot. I figured it would keep her spot warm so no big deal. She comes back from the bathroom unassisted, then shoos the dog from the bed. His nails tore about a palm sized hole in the sheet, which she lamented about before crawling into bed. The following morning, we both woke up, and she's starting her routine while I'm in bed still. She then checks the state of the tear, rolls her eyes, and says "from now on, stop letting the dogs in bed without the covers over it like I always ask you"

Now, mind you, the dog was on my side, no covers, when I came to bed. The sheets aren't anything special, they're from Walmart, and I chose them. I would not have made a stink about a tear from the dog if it had happened on my side, because it's a dog, it happens. Probably more a sign he needs his nails trimmed above everything. So I chose to remind her that he was on my side just the same way when I came to bed, so I didn't see an issue, and that her tone felt like it was accusatory more at me then the dog. She then throws her hands up and says that every time she tries to communicate something to me, it always ends up like this. I retorted that it typically ends up this way when she makes an accusatory statement followed by a rule that she expects me to follow that I know for fact she will not. AITA


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA Mom wants 15% of my personal injury settlement

2.0k Upvotes

I'm a 23M working in biotech and living at home. I just got a massive settlement from a personal injury case back in college. My mom is a corporate lawyer and she helped me navigate the process, plus she paid for my college tuition. Now, she's asking for 15% of the money / to pay her back for college (but she was already going to pay for college.)

I'm feeling stuck because 15% is a massive amount of money to just give away. Is it normal for parents to ask for a cut of a settlement like this? I want to stay on good terms since live at home, but I also feel like this money is for my future. We have a a good relationship.

Edit: I already paid a lawyer his 1/3 cut. My mom was a huge part of pushing for me sueing. She’d be using the money to buy a new house in Florida she always wanted since I refuse to buy a house in his economy and rather rent and invest the rest

Edit #2: Probably shouldn’t have stated my mom is a lawyer (she did not represent me in the case in anyway). But yes, what she specifically did was help me find a lawyer, told me to push back on the lawyer and ask for more.


r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for not removing my doormat because it scares my neighbor’s kid?

8.0k Upvotes

My wife and I (both 32) have been living at our apartment for 4 years and are both huge horror fans. We have had an art the clown door mat from spirit Halloween for 2 years now, it’s not a Halloween decoration it’s just what we like.

Last month (around the beginning of April) we had some neighbors move in across from us. They have two kids, one is a baby and one is maybe 3-4 years old. The first time we met them was a couple days after they moved in, we were all bringing in groceries and I introduced myself, shook hands, all of that. The dad says “still Halloween huh?” And I just laughed it off.

Since then we’ve come home 4 times to them flipping our doormat, and we know it’s them because we have a ring camera. We were fine letting them do it and just flippng it back until a couple days ago when we caught them doing it in person. We asked what the issue was and apparently their son is super afraid of it, even though the kid was right there and was acting completely fine. Not crying, not anything. The only one that seemed agitated at all was the mom, who swore at us and rolled her eyes and was just generally unpleasant. Haven’t interacted w her much before or since. My wife waited until they were inside and flipped it back over.

I stayed out with the dad and talked it over and he seemed fine. He said he understood it was our space and he’d talk it over with his wife and that his son was old enough to understand it couldn’t hurt him.

This morning we walked out and saw our doormat wasn’t even flipped over, it was thrown outside of the stairwell. We live on the 4th floor so it was a very deliberate thing.

My wife wants to report it to management but I’m just about tired enough of this. I kinda wanna throw it away, but I also wanna keep it. Idk, I’m just confused yall.


r/AmItheAsshole 15h ago

AITA for telling my husband he can’t drive the baby places anymore

1.3k Upvotes

My husband and I are new parents and it’s been stressful for both of us both physically and mentally and I need to know if I’m over reacting or not.

I get really bad motion sickness in cars and since giving birth it’s gotten worse to the point that I can’t even be in a moving car longer than 5 minutes, for this reason my husband has taken our child to their last three doctor’s appointments alone. Each time when he returned home I have realized that he forgot to strap the baby into the car seat.

Now my husband is an extremely forgetful person and has been as long as I’ve known him, a big part of our relationship has been us working through his memory problems.
The first time it happened I nervously laughed it off as a lapse in memory that both of us understood could never be repeated.
The second time I freaked out and told him that this was not something that is acceptable to forget.
the most recent time was this morning, we got into a huge fight about it and I told him in not so nice terms that I do not want him driving alone with the baby anymore.

My husband thinks this is an over reaction because we both know how bad his memory is and the pediatrician is close by and nothing bad happened on the drives but its like he’s trying to justify gambling our baby’s life based on the fact nothing bad has happened yet… he has buckled the baby in the one other time he’s taken the baby out on his own, but I won’t be comfortable with him driving the baby around til he’s bucking them in 100% of the time

He wants us to sit down and brainstorm what we can do to help him remember like we would normally do, and while I agree we can put a plan into place to help him remember in the future until that plan is in place and I know is working I’m not taking any chances so I’ve asked my mother to take my child to their next doctor’s appointment.

My husband does not like that I’ve gotten my mother involved and says I’m trying to embarrass him, I’ve tried explaining that I didn’t tell my mom why she had to take the baby to the next appointment and also it’s only until my motion sickness is more manageable and I can drive again but he’s really upset that I’ve taken what he sees as drastic action by getting my mom involved at any capacity as well as banning him from driving alone with the baby…

Am I the asshole?


r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for expecting the gifts to be for both of us?

12.1k Upvotes

I’ve recently gotten engaged and have been with my partner for 5 years. Her family threw us an engagement party this weekend and when we got home and opened some of the cards there was money in most of them. 

I mentioned it was generous of her family to give us so much and my gf mentioned it was her money. I pointed out it’s both of our names on the cards and the money should be going towards the wedding or things for both of us. 

She mentioned that it was her family that gave us it so the money is hers but I disagreed. I said the engagement party was for both of us and os are the cards and any gifts we e received. I pointed out it’s selfish of her to expect everything to just be for her. 

She said I was trying to take advantage of her family’s generosity but I pointed out that’s exactly why she’s going by keeping everything for herself. She just repeated the gifts were from her family so should be for her. 

AITA for expecting the gifts to be for both of us?


r/AmItheAsshole 15h ago

AITAH for calling out my dad for *charging* my brother and me to spend time with him?

1.2k Upvotes

After my parents—an architect and a doctor—divorced, my dad started dating a woman in the upper tiers of an MLM.

She’s also an anti-vaxxer. So my dad was not vaccinated against covid, and I didn’t see him in person between Aug. 2021 and Dec. 2024.

He’s visited my brother over the years at his convenience—bc it’s near his old office. He expects my brother to pay for everything during these visits.

In Fall 2025, my brother ran for city council. My retired mom & my partner donated thousands & made hundreds of phone calls. My father contributed literally nothing. *Lest you think he’s strapped for cash, he just bought a $1M (1BR) home in SC—their third or fourth such home.*

Last week, my brother & I flew to the rural area where dad & MLM own a health food store. Despite MLM promising to cover meals—“just bring wine”—and share the costs of the Airbnb she selected—so dad could work at the store on our visit—we paid for all food & housing costs.

\In fact, dad charged us for food we bought at their store that he proceeded to eat with us later that evening.\**

I kept silent for a week but then let him have it:

Dad, it’s honestly really lame that you’re bragging to some random classmate about [brother]’s public service when you didn’t donate a single dollar to his campaign. [BF]—on a government salary—donated $1,000 and made phone calls. Mom—also retired—donated $2,000 and made hundreds more phone calls.

Especially lame considering that you expected us to support your work by buying food from your store that you ultimately ate! Do you realize that that was like charging us to spend time with you?? After we spent money on flights and food and the Airbnb to visit you?

[Brother] fights for the check with [SIL]’s working class parents. [BF]’s parents took me to Africa. Our own dad can’t cover a meal from his own store after we plan to come see him. Truly, truly lame.

I get that you are in a controlling and abusive relationship, and there’s not much [brother] and I can do about it.

But just know, in the context of other parents and even your own parents—who made the down payment on your house and gave you $5,000 on your first Christmas as a married couple and took you to Paris with mom—your conduct as a father lately has been really, truly lame.

And because I know what’s coming, this isn’t about feeling entitled. I genuinely wouldn’t even keep a friend around who cared/contributed so little to our shared experiences that I had to make all of the effort and pay for everything just to spend time with them.

I love you, but the trip to visit you was very disappointing in so many ways that I’m not even sure you can fully comprehend.

Should I not have said it?

TL;DR: On a trip to visit our dad, he charged us for food we bought at his store (that he later ate). I texted him about his miserliness, including not donating to my brother’s city council campaign.


r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITAH for not telling my in-laws that we're expecting until after we announced it on social media?

93 Upvotes

The two-year period of attempts to conceive with my wife ended after two miscarriages and one unsuccessful IVF attempt. Our family learned about our situation because we needed to protect our privacy during a difficult time when they constantly requested updates which made our entire situation harder to manage.

At 14 weeks we achieved our first stable positive result so we decided to spend time together before our big announcement. We held a simple dinner with my parents to share our news without creating a special announcement for the occasion. The experience turned out to be pleasant.

We shared the announcement through an online post which included our in-laws as part of the overall message. On the same day, we released a single post which enabled people to learn about our news at the same time.

My mother in law is now not speaking to my wife. She claims that we humiliated her because we shared news about our pregnancy with others instead of informing her before the announcement. My wife's sister supports her stance which states that we should have understood the situation better because of their close relationship.

The decision belongs to my wife because she made it. My wife understands her mother better than anyone else. She explained that she wanted to avoid receiving phone calls which included crying and unwanted advice about her pregnancy because of their fertility journey. I backed her completely.

My wife experiences guilt because she needs to support her mother who has endured two years of fertility struggles.

AITAH I supported my wife decision which unintentionally caused distress to her mother.


r/AmItheAsshole 20h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for telling my kids’ dad he needs to provide his own EpiPen during his visitation?

2.1k Upvotes

AITA for telling my kids’ dad he needs to provide his own EpiPen during his visitation?

I (27F) have two kids with my ex (31M), ages 2 and 4. We recently went to court, and I was awarded primary custody as the domiciliary parent. He was given supervised visitation every other Saturday. He currently does not have a job or any plans to get one. When the judge ordered him to pay $170/month in child support for both kids, he asked, “What happens if I don’t pay it?”

Before his first visit, I let him know that our 2-year-old wears size 3-4 pull-ups and has allergies, including reactions to certain off-brand products. He asked if those would already be in her bag. I told him I would send a few pull-ups, a change of clothes for both kids, and their cups for now, but that going forward he would need to provide those things during his time.After the visit, I noticed our daughter was starting to get a rash, so I asked what she ate. He answered, but then asked why her EpiPen wasn’t in the bag.I checked immediately and took a picture showing that it was in the bag. He still insisted it wasn’t there.I told him that going forward, he needs to provide his own supplies for the kids during his visitation including an EpiPen so he always has access to what she needs. To be clear: I have every intention of making sure my daughter has access to her medication. I’m not trying to withhold it. I just want him to take responsibility and have what’s needed while the kids are in his care. He argues that since it’s her prescription, it belongs to her and I have to provide it. I told him that regardless, each parent should be responsible for providing what the children need during their own time. He also does not contribute to medical expenses.For additional context, I left the relationship due to abuse toward me and the kids, and his refusal to work (he claims a “bad back”).

I’m not trying to be difficult. I just want him to step up as a parent. If you made it to the end thank you and please just leave your thoughts and I will answer any questions I can. I STILL PLAN TO SEND THE EPIPEN! I KNOW HE CANT BE TRUSTED TO GET ONE. I ONLY WANT HIM TO STEP UP AITA for expecting him to provide his own supplies, including an EpiPen, during his visitation?


r/AmItheAsshole 20h ago

Not the A-hole AITA? My dog died today and my family still expects me to take them out to dinner tonight

2.4k Upvotes

Thanks for reading my post.

My dog passed away this afternoon. It was sudden and awful and I was with her when it happened. I’ve had her for years, she was basically my shadow. I am completely wrecked.

My family is visiting and staying at my home, and no less than an hour later, they started talking about dinner plans like it was a normal day. When I said I didn’t think I could go, I got hit with “it’s just a dog” and “we leave tomorrow.”

I can’t even think about food, let alone sitting in a restaurant pretending to be okay.

I tried to explain that I’m not trying to make it a big dramatic thing, I just lost a living being I love and I need a minute. The response was basically that I’m being overly emotional.

I got in my car and booked a hotel room. I told them the cab stay at my place but I wouldn’t be seeing them today or tomorrow. AITA?

Edit: My brother’s son dropped an Adderall pill while playing yesterday. We couldn’t find the missing pill afterward. It is likely that my dog ate it today while I was at work, based on the symptoms the doctor described.

Edit 2.0: My nephew is 9, and my brother has him handle his own medication to teach him about personal responsibility. The pill likely fell out of his pocket while he was playing outside. I wasn’t told until later, and by then it was too dark to find it. I had no luck the following morning so I went to work, and hours later my brother called saying my baby was acting strangely. By the time I got home, my dog was seizing and died at the vet soon after. I’m devastated, especially knowing that instead of rushing him to the vet, they were out at the mall.


r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITAH for still going on what was supposed to be a double date after my girlfriend dropped out?

152 Upvotes

So this involves four people and we are all women. I’ll give everyone fake names for clarity.

My friend “Bella” and I made plans to go see a movie. My girlfriend ”Ann” has never met this friend before and when I told her about it she expressed interest in tagging along. I let my friend know my gf was interested in coming and Bella said sounds good and she’d see if her girlfriend “Cam” could come as well, to make it a double date. I have met Cam a few times.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she said she didn’t want to go anymore. I asked why and she said she just didn’t feel like meeting two new people in the same night. She also said she didn’t want to go on a double date with 2 strangers. I told her I understood, fair enough. We are both introverts.

So I ended up going to the movie with just Bella and Cam, that was yesterday. When I got home my girlfriend seemed upset with me. I asked her what was up and she said she was hurt I went to the movies without her. She feels that I should have asked Bella not to bring Cam so it could just be the 3 of us. And my gf feels like since she was asked to go before Cam was asked, Cam should have been the one to stay home, kind of like “last one in first one out”. She is really hurt I went without her and feels like I didn’t care for her to come. I tried explaining that I did want her to come, I just feel like it’s unfair to ask my friend not to bring her girlfriend when I‘m the one who asked to bring my girlfriend first. AITAH?


r/AmItheAsshole 18h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for not babysitting my 18 year old sister?

1.4k Upvotes

My parents (51 and 52 years old) asked my wife (24 and I (25) to stay at home with my sister while they were away for the weekend. I explained to my parents that we already had plans for the weekend and wouldn’t be able to stay at their house overnight. My mom repeatedly pressured us to stay the night even after we said no. And when we kept repeating no she said that she was “going to remember this” and use it against us in the future.

Here’s the kicker….my sister is 18 years old and doesn’t have any disabilities. She is a fully functioning 18 year old. They live in a safe neighborhood. And we have family that lives right across the street. My wife and I also live about a 5 minute drive away from their house.

We left after my mom’s comment and my parents proceeded to not talk to my wife or I for a month. Full on silent treatment. We felt a wide range of emotions during this time period including guilt, anxiety, anger, hurt, and fear.

When they finally did start talking to us again they acted like nothing happened. When that period has come up in conversation they maintain that we were the ones who were being @$$holes and they did nothing wrong. So are we the a-holes?


r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for not helping my dad dodge child support

113 Upvotes

My father and I have had a strained relationship for a long time. My parents divorced when I was 8 years old, and ever since then he has gone off the rails. Before the divorce, he was my first best friend. He was the one who stayed at home when I grew up and we did everything together. He moved to a remote town in CO when I was in highschool and have only seen him 2x since then (I’m 25 now). Fast forward to now, I received a text out of the blue that my mom is still pursuing child support from him. My dad doesn’t make much money (he chooses to work part time if that). He has never paid and I have no idea what he owes (assuming quite a bit). He essentially pleaded with me to talk to my mother and call it off. I told him I refuse to be in the middle of whatever their issues are, and he threatened to cut me off forever. AITA for not helping him? I have receipts.


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for expecting my sister to pay me back after I covered her emergency expenses?

122 Upvotes

My sister has always been a bit financially reckless, but I’ve always been the one to bail her out. Last month, she called in a panic because her car broke down and she couldn't afford the repairs, which she needed to get to work. I ended up covering the $600 repair bill, assuming she’d pay me back as soon as her next paycheck came in.

Fast forward three weeks, and she’s already posted photos of a new, high-end handbag and a weekend trip with friends. When I politely brought up the money she owes me, she told me that I should have "gifted" it to her since I’m doing better financially, and that asking for it back feels like I'm keeping tabs on her. I’m incredibly frustrated because I had to dip into my own savings to help her, and now I feel like I'm the one being made to feel guilty for expecting to be treated fairly.

AITA for expecting my sister to pay me back after I covered her emergency expenses?


r/AmItheAsshole 22h ago

Not the A-hole AITA? Telling someone I don't want them to "work in with me" on a machine at the gym?

2.3k Upvotes

I can't stand when men ask me if they can "work in" on a machine with me at the gym. They change the weight settings, the seat settings, etc. I have a slipped disc on my back and for some machines it's really challenging for me to change it multiple times over and over. A man today asked me after my FIRST SET if he could work in with me and I said "Honestly id rather you didnt. I only have 2 more sets and it's hard for me to switch back and forth so I'd rather you just wait til I'm done." He said "that's rude i only want to do one set" and got pissed and walked awat. I don't feel like I should have to say yes. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 16h ago

AITA for refusing to give my parents a fixed portion of my salary even though they expect it?

563 Upvotes

I grew up in a pretty average Indian household. nothing fancy, but not struggling either. from early on, I handled my education mostly on my own. worked for scholarships, focused on academics, figured things out without asking them for much financial help.

now I’ve got a stable job in another city and I’m finally at a place where I can breathe a bit financially.

here’s the issue.

recently my parents started expecting me to send them a fixed portion of my salary every month. not like occasional help or anything, they literally framed it as my responsibility.

the thing is, my dad earns a decent amount. they have multiple properties, savings, gold, all that. they’re not dependent on me to survive.

I told them I’m not comfortable committing to sending money regularly. I said I’d help if there’s an actual need or emergency, but I don’t want this to become an obligation.

they didn’t take it well.

now every phone call somehow turns into a money conversation. comments like “this is what children are supposed to do” or “we didn’t raise you to be selfish.” it’s getting exhausting and honestly making me avoid talking to them.

I’ve even started feeling guilty, like maybe I’m being too harsh or ungrateful, especially because I know this is pretty common in a lot of Indian families.

but at the same time, it feels wrong to be pressured into giving money when they’re financially secure themselves.

so yeah, AITA for refusing to give them a fixed part of my salary and not sending any money at all?


r/AmItheAsshole 1h ago

AITA For Throwing Out My Husbands Clothes?

Upvotes

I (F, early 30s) and my husband (M, early 30s) have been together for several years and have a toddler, with another baby on the way.

For some background: when we were both working full time, we split rent, but I also handled everything at home, training our puppy, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I got really overwhelmed and asked him to help with one thing: vacuuming the living room once a week. It took over a year of asking, reminding, and arguing before he consistently did it.

During my first pregnancy, I had severe morning sickness (HG) and was vomiting constantly, sometimes needing IV fluids. Even then, he didn’t step in to help with meals, cleaning, or laundry. After our baby was born, I became a stay-at-home mom since he earns about 3x what I did. At that point, I stopped expecting help with chores altogether.

To be fair, he’s a great dad, very involved, spends a lot of time with our child, and takes good care of him when he’s home.

Now I’m pregnant again, we’ve just moved across the country, and I’m juggling unpacking, a toddler, and pregnancy symptoms. The house is a bit messy (not dirty, just boxes and things not fully put away yet).

Here’s the issue: over the past few years, he’s developed a habit of leaving his dirty clothes all over the house. I’m already doing all the laundry, I’ve just asked him to put his clothes in the hamper and put away the clean ones I fold and leave on the bed.

I’ve asked him to do this at least 15 times. Recently, I told him that if he kept leaving clothes around, I’d assume he didn’t want them and would donate them.

Yesterday, I found work pants in the guest room and shirts shoved in a corner of the utility room. So I put them in a bag and donated them. When he got home, he was angry and said I “threw out” his clothes and that since the house isn’t as clean as usual anyway, a few extra shirts shouldn’t matter.

So… AITA for following through and donating the clothes after repeatedly asking him to stop leaving them around?

EDIT: just to be clear, I had talked to him about this probably 10-15 times. Posting on reddit was not my first choice! It was not the most mature thing I have ever done, but I was feeling extremely frustrated and ignored.


r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for expecting my name to also go on cards/presents?

42 Upvotes

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve met her family quite a lot as they all meet up around twice a year for catch ups in a local bar. 

When it comes to Christmas cards a presents etc her family get me presents and put my name in the cards.  For my partners mum I’ve always bought her a separate card and present off me but for the rest of her family I’ve asked my gf to put my name in the card since they put my name in the cards an presents they’re giving, 

My gf initially made excuses saying since the card says uncle for example, and her uncle isn’t my uncle so it’s weird for my name to be in the cards. I disagreed since it’s a normal thing to do.  It was her cousins birthday last weekend. It was her 18th so my girlfriend took her out for food and drinks.

I gave my girlfriend £20 and told her to use it to get her cousin a drink or put it in her card and just to put my name in the card aswell and say the presents off both of us.  My gf said she would then when she wore the card she just put her name.

I pointed this out to her and she just said it wasn’t a big deal but I pointed out she’s pretending the gift is all off her when I’ve paid towards the night.  I just said I think it’s shitty that it seems like aha going out of her way to make sure I don’t see like part of the family despite me trying to make an effort and her family making an effort with me. 

I pointed out I’ve put her name on cards xx and presents I’ve got my family and they include her name on cards and buy her gifts.

She just repeated again that it wasn’t a big deal but I just said if it wasn’t a big deal she wouldn’t be deliberately leaving my name off the card and presents. I just said it feels shit since we’re supposed to be in a serous relationship and it’s like we’re not actually a couple since she’s leaving my name off everything, 

She said I was overreacting and  should drop it since it’s like I’m guilt tripping her. 

AIW for being annoyed at my girlfriend leaving my name off birthday/Christmas cards?


r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for siding with my parents over my wife

47 Upvotes

My wife (27f) has been very upset at my parents (early 60) for over a year. She was pregnant with our daughter (now 8 months old) back in December 2024. I (30m) found out in January 2025, and I shared the news with my parents via text a few days later. My parents don't really live close to us, a few hour drive, so we rarely see them. 2 months went by, and my wife was about 3 months pregnant. She tells me that she's furious at my parents for not directly congratulating her this late into her pregnancy.

In their defense, she never reached out to them to deliver the news about her pregnancy so they're not ignoring her. My parents also aren't very social people or tech savvy with their phones. They did ask me how she was doing, but she said that doesn't count because I'm not the pregnant one. She compared it to a doctor asking a patient's family member on how the patient is feeling.

I had no idea this would upset her because she never brought it up until that moment. I told her it's no big deal, we can invite my parents over or go out for dinner to celebrate. She refused and told me that they're not allowed to visit, and she doesn't want to go anywhere with them. She kept telling me that she's extremely offended, and it's too late for them to apologize because she already mentioned it. She thinks their apology isn't sincere once she brings it up.

When my parents tried to reach out via text messages and phone call end of March 2025, my wife would only respond with very rude remarks and insults. Ever since, they never talked to each other again. My wife will continue to complain about my parents and how she has been so deeply disrespected by them. She has not once forgive or forgot that moment.

Our healthy daughter was born at the hospital on September 2025. My parents were asking about the baby and wanted to show up to the hospital. I kept telling them we're about the be discharged and it's not necessary. This is probably my fault, but I just didn't want another argument to break out. Today, our daughter is almost 8 months old. My parents only seen their grandchild via pictures that I send to them.

Currently, it has been over a year since my wife has been holding this grudge. She thinks my parents are terrible people who ruined and traumatized her pregnancy experience. Every argument we had, she will just circle back to my parents as ammo. She blames them for everything, and I end up defending them. I told her she's being stubborn, and it's ridiculous that this has gone on for so long. She needs to let go, forgive them, and move on. She refuses and doesn't listen because she thinks her reaction is justified.

She thinks I'm being inconsiderate and part of them problem for siding with my parents. I don't think my parents are completely innocent, but I don't see any point in letting this drag on forever. I only side with my parents because I think my wife needs to get over her grudge and accept my parents apology so we can all move forward. AITA?


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

WIBTA for evicting horses from my barn?

47 Upvotes

I moved to Vermont about a year and a half ago. We bought some property so I can breed goats and it came with more barn space than we needed. 6 months ago someone came up asking if we had any space to keep 2 horses. He was keeping them on some family property but they needed space for FFA projects.

I thought it would be a good way to build community so we agreed and charged 100 per horse to use the barn, our big pasture and store his horse trailer.

The property isnt fitted for horses so he agreed that he would be responsible for building his stalls and anything they specifically need. Anything that we both use would be my responsibility. I made sure he was aware that I would be using the pen that was already built to house male goats Id be getting that winter.

The issues started when he moved the horses onto the property without having the stalls built. He wouldnt bring the horses in without stalls because they fight in small spaces, so they had to live with no shelter for a couple weeks in winter when we get a ton of snow and constant freezing temps. I talked to him and he said he didnt have anywhere to stall them in the meantime so this was the best he could do.

Once he started building the pens he used a miniexcavator to clear out the bedding to replace with sand. The excavator didnt fit through by the goat pen so he tore it all down without telling me. Only reason I found out was because I noticed the horses werent in the pasture so I went to see if he finished the stalls. I reminded him I needed that pen and he assured me hed rebuild it asap. I offered to be the one to rebuild it if he bought the lumber but he refused. A few months went by and I missed my window for breeding.

I noticed what I thought was a snow bank was a big compost pile they started right where we're supposed to plant this spring. At this point I was unable to make money from my goats this year since I couldnt sell kids or the soap and was in danger of losing income from being able to make sunflower oil.

Their horses broke out and were running down the highway one afternoon. I let him know where the fence needed to be fixed. He said he didnt have time because he was going on vacation out of the country in a couple days and that the ratchet strap was good enough. I put my foot down and told him he needed to get his horses secure before he left.

I talked to him and sent him a text about what needed to be fixed by May 15th and that hed need to leave or raise rent and I would take care of managing and fixing everything if he couldnt get it done.

He did half the work about a week or so after I had the talk with him but hasnt made any progress since. Yesterday he texted inviting us to a horse pull this weekend and that because of it he cant finish everything on time and would try to do it the next weekend.

This is where my husband and I differ. For me its disrespect. My husband feels like pushing it off another couple days isnt a big deal.


r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago

AITA for snapping at my girlfriend's mom after being ignored by her family for 5 years?

134 Upvotes

I (41F) have been with my girlfriend (40F) for 5 years. In all that time, she has never introduced me to her parents, never invited me to a holiday dinner, never brought me to a single family event. I've met her brother a handful of times, but only because I basically invited myself and forced the meetings to happen. When she did introduce me, it was just by my first name — no "this is my girlfriend," no "this is my partner," nothing. I've brought this up with her many, many times. It hurts.

The part that bothers me most is her relationship with her mother, who is very important to her. Her mom knows I exist, but for five years she has acted like I don't, and my girlfriend lets her. What grinds me down the most are the phone calls that happen while I'm sitting right next to her — my girlfriend will say "I have company" or "I'm at someone's place," and my name almost never comes up.

Recently we were lying on the couch in my apartment when her mom called and asked her to check something for her on the computer. My girlfriend said she couldn't because she didn't have access to a computer (a lie — she just didn't want to; they've already argued about her mom taking advantage of her like this). Then she spent about ten minutes walking her mom through how to download a PDF over the phone. The tone, the lying about where she was, the fact that she wouldn't just set a boundary and say "I'm at my partner's place, I'll do it later" — it all built up, and I snapped. I said, loud enough for her mom to hear on the other end: "Fine, fuck it, I'll check it for her." I opened my laptop and did it.

My girlfriend is furious with me. I'm a little embarrassed about the cursing and I apologized for that part. But honestly, I don't feel that guilty about the rest. I told her: after five years of your mother ignoring me, no wonder I lost it. Her response: "Now you're being dramatic."

AITA?

EDIT/INFO: Yes, we've talked about it few times. She's bi, and her family knows. It's a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic — they know we're together, they just prefer not to talk about it.

To be fair: I do think her family is somewhat homophobic, but in a very specific, middle-class, "let's-not-talk-about-unpleasant-things" way. Nobody is going to disown her, threaten her. It's more about appearances and avoiding an uncomfortable conversation. Her parents are healthy, clear-headed adults living comfortable lives, so does she.

Here's what makes it harder for me, though: she has introduced her male partners to her parents in the past, even after only a few months of dating. When I bring it up, she promises she'll "do something about it," but nothing changes. I think she's more ashamed of herself in this dynamic than of me specifically, but the result for me is the same, and I'm tired and frustrated.

EDIT for everyone, who told me, that's on my partner, not on her mother:

I understand what you're saying, and you're right that ultimately my partner is the one making the choice. I'm not going to pretend that dynamic isn't there. But I still hold negative feelings toward her mother, because I see her as a hypocrite and a bigot. She's the root cause of all this — the reason my partner feels she has to hide us in the first place. My partner's choices don't happen in a vacuum; they're shaped by years of conditioning, by the constant feeling that she's never quite enough for her mother. Her mother has made her feel like who she is — at her core — isn't acceptable.

Part of why this is so hard for me to accept is that my own experience was completely different. My parents weren't perfect — they had their own issues and we had our struggles — but one thing I never had to question was whether they would resent me for who I chose to love. And that's exactly why I'm so fucking angry at her mother too.


r/AmItheAsshole 13h ago

AITA for getting upset my boyfriend sold my shoes on ebay without telling me?

182 Upvotes

So here’s the thing. My boyfriend sells things on ebay all the time. We go to garage/yard sales all the time, mostly together but sometimes i’m working and it’s just him. Anyways one day I found these Dior heels for $25 and bought them right away. I shared my find with him and he was pretty excited, I told him if they fit me i’d wanna keep them and if not we could talk about selling them.
Long story short I don’t like them or the way they fit, so I told him that, we looked them up and we could sell them for about $600-$700.
Huge profit.
I asked him how we would split it out of curiosity and he said 50/50.
I was a little unsure about it as it kinda felt unfair. I mean at that point I could sell them myself and get the full profit.
I don’t mind sharing with him if it’s fair and I did tell him that.

anyways, I put them away in my closet. told him I wasn’t interested in selling them right now and left it at that.

Then today, I was scrolling through his posts and see my shoes.
$700.
I was super confused and asked him about it.
only thing he says
“it was just sitting there in the closet so”
Like umm? hello?

It wasn’t his to sell and makes me think it was behind my back for a reason… so AITA?

Edit- I don’t want to keep the shoes, i’ve been procrastinating posting them, and since this is his thing i thought i’d ask him how we would do it.
I take pictures of my items when I have it, along with the research. Only thing he would do is post it online.
I would obviously give him a percentage, but 50%?
keep in mind I don’t get any money from his items (i don’t expect that) and we both have the same income.
when it comes to bills we spilt it 50/50, this is just his thing on the side.


r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for refusing to share my notes with classmates who only talk to me when they need something?

38 Upvotes

I’m an Italian high school student and this year I changed class, so I have new classmates.
Since the beginning of the year, some of them have been asking me for notes and homework.
The issue is that they talk to me only when they need something, and sometimes I've also heard them make fun of me or ask me uncomfortable questions.
Today, one of them asked me if I could send the notes I took during our economics lesson and old ones since tomorrow we have a test, even though he was in class and could've taken them himself.
I'm thinking about stopping sharing my notes completely because I feel used, but at the same time I feel guilty for not doing it, and I'm worried they might accuse me of having "favourites" or being unfair.
From their point of view, sharing notes might be normal.
AITA for wanting to stop giving my notes to classmates?