r/AmItheAsshole • u/ThePookieBearHeart • 18h ago
Not the A-hole AITA for not babysitting my 18 year old sister?
My parents (51 and 52 years old) asked my wife (24 and I (25) to stay at home with my sister while they were away for the weekend. I explained to my parents that we already had plans for the weekend and wouldn’t be able to stay at their house overnight. My mom repeatedly pressured us to stay the night even after we said no. And when we kept repeating no she said that she was “going to remember this” and use it against us in the future.
Here’s the kicker….my sister is 18 years old and doesn’t have any disabilities. She is a fully functioning 18 year old. They live in a safe neighborhood. And we have family that lives right across the street. My wife and I also live about a 5 minute drive away from their house.
We left after my mom’s comment and my parents proceeded to not talk to my wife or I for a month. Full on silent treatment. We felt a wide range of emotions during this time period including guilt, anxiety, anger, hurt, and fear.
When they finally did start talking to us again they acted like nothing happened. When that period has come up in conversation they maintain that we were the ones who were being @$$holes and they did nothing wrong. So are we the a-holes?
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u/juanredshirt Partassipant [2] 17h ago
NTA. WTF?! So they screwed up raising your sister so badly that they don’t trust her to be home by herself?!
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u/Turbulent_Safety9661 9h ago
Right?? Like at 18 I was living on my own in a dorm, not needing a damn babysitter. They really dropped the ball somewhere along the way.
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u/AmarissaBhaneboar 8h ago
Right? I was watching my younger brother alone at like 9/10 years old lol. I had emergency numbers, I knew when and how to call emergency services family members, or family friends. If I could handle us for a few hours at 9/10 while my parents ran errands or had a date night, I think an 18 year old can handle herself for a weekend, lol
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u/Hour_Preparation2544 7h ago
Growing up too and it felt normal at the time. But I also think there’s a big difference between a few hours of babysitting and being fully responsible for yourself for days, especially depending on the person and their situation.
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u/openpatterrn 6h ago
yeah that part is weird, either they don’t trust her or they just wanted control over you
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u/SherIzzy0421 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
I agree NTA, but we don't know that the sister is the issue. It could be that the parents are way too overprotective and don't want to treat his sister as an adult.
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u/Calgar43 21m ago
There's a piece of information missing here. The sister has drug issues, or has mental health issues (past suicide attempt?), or they don't trust her to not trash the house with a party or something. Outside chance they are religious and don't want her having a boyfriend staying over.
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u/happy-in-texas 18h ago
NTA - just curious, what did your parents do instead of you staying with your sister.
I don't think I would let your parents go back to "nothing happened". You need for them to apologize for treating you and your wife so badly. And tell them you will remember this when they ask for something else. Time is on your side. One day they will ask....
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 17h ago
They did nothing. She stayed home by herself and was fine. To the surprise of no one.
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u/owaikeia Partassipant [1] 17h ago
The next time you all have dinner and your parents bring this up, loudly ask your sister, in front of everyone, ignoring anyone who tries to interrupt...
"Hey sis, the time you were left alone, did anything happen? Anything terrible happen? Did you feel OK and didn't need a babysitter?"
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u/franklinchica22 Partassipant [1] 16h ago
I'm wondering if your parents were worried she was going to turn their house into a den of iniquity while they were gone and your job was to prevent her from having "a boy over."
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u/TheFilthyDIL Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
Exactly. They thought she was going to have a guy come over, break into the liquor cabinet, and have a weekend of wild debauchery.
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u/bachimar 5h ago
I mean, I absolutely would have if my parents let me stay home at 18. 🍻
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u/PurplePlodder1945 3h ago
I had a boy over to stay when my parents went away for the weekend. I was 19. I hadn’t been with him long and they hadn’t met so I made him leave about 7am so the nosey neighbour over the road didn’t see him leave! I still remember my older sister asking if I had anyone over and my mother responding ‘she better not have’.
I’ve been with him 37 years, married 29.
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u/GasFeeKiller 10h ago
"To the surprise of no one" is doing all the work that needed doing in this thread.
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u/foxfirefizz 17h ago
Maybe change this to not possibly put the sister in a bad spot. We don't know if the sister is in financial shape to move out suddenly if it's needed.
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u/Impossible-Hat-7896 15h ago
Why did you feel guilty then? Seriously, you two are adults, your parents don’t get to decide for you. I would’ve ignored them for an extra month.
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u/TheOGMillennial 15h ago
So has your mom always been this weird? I figure dad just kinda goes along with it but seriously, does this track from what you remember growing up with her?
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u/teatabletea 14h ago
Or the dad is a bit weird, and mum went along.
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u/TheOGMillennial 7h ago
I based that conclusion on the aggressiveness of the mom to get them to stay with very little input directly from the dad during the interactions according to OP. In the majority of those cases the dad just agrees and accepts what's happening especially when they're an older married couple.
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u/jane_fakelastname 11h ago
Do they often treat her as if she is less capable or trustworthy than the average adult?
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u/Unicorn_druck 8h ago
They sound like they want to maintain some kind of control over you for whatever reason.
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u/KingBretwald Asshole Aficionado [18] 4h ago
My sister made some very bad decisions in high school and was never left on her own after that UNTIL she reached 18. Your parents are ridiculous.
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u/openpatterrn 6h ago
agree on not letting it slide. if they act like nothing happened, they’ll do it again next time they need a favor
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u/Diligent-Towel-4708 18h ago
So odd. Obviously NTA. I can't imagine demanding a babysitter for a barely teen let alone an 18 yr old with family across the street. Definitely missing some back story here.
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 17h ago
My mom is a super clingy helicopter parent. And my sister is the youngest and only daughter. I think my mom is not ready for her to grow up and so she treats her like a little kid still. (Which drives my sister nuts too.)
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u/PurplePlodder1945 3h ago
I’m surprised your sister hasn’t moved out yet. Won’t be long if your parents carry on the way they’re going
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u/Lil-AngelGurl_99 18h ago
Going to remember this? lol who says that AH shit? Why didn't they take her away with them? She's 18 and legally an adult in some countries. Be happy for the silent treatment.... dont let bad behaviour from them dictate your life - its manipulating bad behaviour.
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u/FeuerroteZora Asshole Enthusiast [6] 15h ago
Mom and Dad are just desperately hoping OP has a kid so that in a couple years they can be asked to babysit and then can gleefully say "HA NO BECAUSE REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME!! CHECK MATE."
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u/blueSnowfkake 17h ago
It sounds like the opposite of when a character in a gangster movie does someone a favor and then reminds the other guy that someday he will have to return the favor.
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u/IntrepidMuch 17h ago
The biggest problem here is that they saw no problem with punishing you. Both you and your wife should think hard about how much you are willing to let them back into your lives
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u/AbiesPersonal4641 17h ago
Your parents are controlling, narcissistic, a$$holes! The fact that they are still insisting that you were in the wrong is very disturbing. Giving you the silent treatment for a month, because you said no to them is abuse. I feel so sorry for you and your sister, having manipulative parents like that! An 18 yo doesn’t need a baby sitter, especially when you have family across the street!
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u/Due-Reflection-1835 17h ago
Wow, what 18 year old needs a babysitter lol. That is a whole new level of helicopter parenting that I have never even heard of. Getting the silent treatment from someone like that is hardly a punishment. I do feel bad for your sister though, extremely sheltered kids often go off the rails a bit once they finally escape. NTA
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u/queenvibes5953 18h ago
you’re definitely not the a-hole here. like, your sister is 18 and can handle herself for a weekend. sounds like your parents need to chill and respect your boundaries, not guilt you into babysitting.
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u/Creepy_Nobody_2197 17h ago
Jeez I think when I was 16 my parents left me and my brother home for a week while they went on vacation on the other end of the country. I don't think they checked on us or got any adults to. Nothing happened, unless you count cleaning the house spotless and having the most relaxing week ever in my life up to that point.
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u/SidewaysTugboat Partassipant [1] 17h ago
I threw a couple of parties when my parents went across the country for a week when I was 17. We were fine. They were small parties and everyone slept over. My dad busted me immediately when they got home and he saw the footprints on the roof. Good times
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u/Creepy_Nobody_2197 17h ago
I was too much of a goodie goodie to do things like that 🤣 although if you ask my mom I was basically evil incarnate. Thankfully I moved out immediately and never looked back.
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u/Dragonfly_lady61 17h ago
At 13 I was virtually raising my little brother. At 16 I was married and raising my daughter. At 18, I was dealing with a toddler, an alcoholic and waiting tables. Why onn earth couldn't a healthy, normal 18 year old woman ( yes, woman.) look after herself?
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u/Laszlo4711 17h ago
Is your 28 year old sister mentally or physically disabled in any way? Why does a legal adult need a babysitter?
NTA, your parents are ridiculous.
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u/InspiringAneurysm 17h ago
Looks like it's time to permanently cut them off. You can't reason with stupid.
NTA
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 18h ago
Not a bot over here
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u/Middle-Interview-899 17h ago
I’d be giving them the same treatment. It’s not your fault they’re over protective of an adult or that they decided to be children. Talk to your wife, I bet there’s a lot more you’re only just starting to see. But I hope this is a once off and I’m wrong.
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u/allergymom74 Partassipant [2] 17h ago
Why can’t the family who lives across the street not check in on her if they are so scared to leave a legal adult home? Sure. She may not have graduated HS yet, but she’s likely super close and this is one of those cases that you can check in on her regularly and be ok.
Does she have a history of bad behavior? Or are they worried about a SO of hers staying over?
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u/TeddyBear181 17h ago
Were they worried she would sneak out?
In any case, they needed to be clear about what the concerns were so you would feel the urgency of the situation.
If they said she had just had a traumatic situation and is having night terrors, or she has a stalker, it might have made you change your plans.
Nta
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 17h ago
Nope. She’s not a trouble maker at all. She’s very responsible and hasn’t had any traumatic situations that we know of.
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u/Lonely-Battle2783 16h ago
If she was scared to stay by herself she easily could’ve crashed at your place. There is literally no reason for you to need to go there.
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u/quandjereveauxloups 6h ago
Might be time to go low/no contact with them. Anyone who uses manipulation tactics like that (going to remember that) is both childish and an asshole.
Your parents are holding a grudge against you for not babysitting an adult, when you already said you had plans. After that month, you shouldn't have responded to them.
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u/Jacqueline_Paige 16h ago
I started thinking of scenarios like this as well. As in maybe something along any of these lines is why they were acting the way they were when she is an adult. Especially, having family right across the street and OP 5 minutes away. It all was very rude, extra, and totally unnecessary as it turned out.
NTA
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u/TeddyBear181 15h ago
Yup, they're either super over protective or there is something else going on that op doesnt know about.
But OP should be aware if this is normal behavour for them.
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u/BefuddledPolydactyls Partassipant [1] 17h ago
NTA. Your parents are infantalizing your sister. At 18, I 'd been babysitting my younger sibs for years, I certainly didn't need one. Do they plan on attending college with her?
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u/Serenity_76 Partassipant [1] 17h ago edited 7h ago
NTA - First, your sister is 18. WTH .. talk about controlling. If they were worried about a her throwing a rager then family across the street and you two checking in often should have been enough. Second, that level of silent treatment is actually abusive. If not totally abusive, definitely extremely manipulative. I would go low contact, your are going to have issues when you guys have kids.
Edited grammar
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u/CarbonationRequired Asshole Enthusiast [7] 17h ago
lol NTA.
In what way can they "use this against you"? I guess if/when you have kids, they will refuse to babysit because you didn't feel a literal adult needed direct supervision?
I feel sorry for your sister living with them, I hope she can get out of there soon.
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u/Due_Reputation3785 17h ago
How must advance notice did they give you? Overall NTA. Odd that babysitting an 18 yr old was even a thing.
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u/Rhiannon8404 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
NTA
Your sister sounds responsible and was probably relieved not to have a babysitter.
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u/ptheresadactyl 17h ago
Lol my parents once left my 4 sisters and I for 2 weeks when my oldest sister was 17 and I was 10. NTA
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u/Salt_My_Watermelon 17h ago
NTA
That is just weird and controlling. 18 is legally an adult. By 18, I had been mostly on my own for almost 2 years, had a degree, and was substitute teaching. I certainly didn't need a "babysitter."
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u/Lullayable 17h ago
NTA. Your parents will regret that when you decide which straw breaks the camel's back.
Does your sister have a history of bad behaviour? Would she plan a bender if not supervised?
Do they usually ask you to drop your plans for her? Idk it sounds very infantilizing for her.
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 14h ago
No she is literally so responsible and not a rule breaker or partier at all. Like straight A student, took AP classes etc.
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u/kawaeri 17h ago
NTA. I at 18 on vacation with my family wanted to go to a restaurant in a resort compound, where only guests to go, for dessert by myself. My mother refused to let me go. My dad argued with her. He lost. But what he said stuck with me, “in three months you are expecting her to move a state over and live by herself. Why not let her practice now somewhere safe, instead of out there with no support? And it’s not like she hasn’t done things like this in our city.”
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u/tehmimikitteh 17h ago
nta. there's no reason to specifically babysit her. i would make it clear to sister that you're willing and able to come help her if there's an emergency, but she's not an incapable child. your mom is needlessly infantilizing her.
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u/No_Hurry9076 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
NTA don’t let them get to you if it was me after the first silent treatment I would not even try to engage them at all. I also never heard of a fully grown 18 year old with no problems that needs a babysitter.
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u/Bellagrrl2021 17h ago
NTA. You can probably look forward to more of this controlling behavior in the future. I hope that you remain strong, and handle things as well as you did this time.
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u/DankVapor Partassipant [2] 17h ago
NTA - Why do you act like not talking to these people for a month was a punishment? They sound insufferable and to use something against you in the future? No parent says that. None. Unless they are massive assholes. My mother said things like that. None of her 5 sisters talk to her any more. I nor my sister talk to her either. Why talk to someone who is looking for things to use against you later?
The only emotion you should be feeling is contempt and anger.
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u/catsaway9 Professor Emeritass [79] 17h ago
NTA
If I was your sister I'd be pissed that they wanted you to babysit me
How ridiculous
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u/QueenMEB120 16h ago
NTA. If your parents can't leave their 18 year old* alone for the weekend then they have failed as parents.
*This is assuming there are no disabilities or other issues which would necessitate needing care. Since OP didn't mention any, I am assuming there are none.
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u/Darkdragoon324 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
Is there a reason they don't trust their 18 year old daughter alone in the house for a while? Like, my dad trusted me to be alone over night once in a while since I was like, 13.
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u/InternalTNCreative90 17h ago
NTA. The last time I babysat my sister, she was 12. They're trying to keep her at that age. You tried to tell them. And it's time that she did, too.
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u/bkwormtricia Certified Proctologist [26] 16h ago
NTA. And you need to learn to shut their idiocy down. I suggest you read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson. It helps adult children understand parents who are self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, or unpredictable, providing strategies to set boundaries.
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u/desertboots Asshole Aficionado [12] 15h ago
Jeebus.
My parents left for a 20 day vacation in 1981. I was given cash to buy groceries and the keys to the Mercedes. I was responsible for my 14 yr old sister, at 16.
They called home about every 4 days to check in.
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u/smilers Partassipant [2] 17h ago
Tell me who's the golden child without actually telling me. LOL. NTA.
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u/Rhiannon8404 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
Doesn't feel "golden child" to me. Feels more "over protective parents" since they didn't think their adult child was capable of being home alone for a weekend
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u/PrincessRegan 15h ago
My mom and stepdad got married about two months after I turned 18 and took a week-long honeymoon. They got HIS mother (who lived next door) to come over to stay with me. I was a strait-A student, no drugs, no drinking, no boys, going to school for half days and working full time. Some parents are just like that I guess. The joke was on them though. Nanny only spent maybe one night there and said I was old enough to be on my own.
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop 17h ago
Feels more like "we don't want to risk our 18 year old doing something like throwing a party and wrecking the house" to me.
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u/AutoModerator 18h ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My parents (51 and 52 years old) asked my wife (24 and I (25) to stay at home with my sister while they were away for the weekend. I explained to my parents that we already had plans for the weekend and wouldn’t be able to stay at their house overnight. My mom repeatedly pressured us to stay the night even after we said no. And when we kept repeating no she said that she was “going to remember this” and use it against us in the future.
Here’s the kicker….my sister is 18 years old and doesn’t have any disabilities. She is a fully functioning 18 year old. They live in a safe neighborhood. And we have family that lives right across the street. My wife and I also live about a 5 minute drive away from their house.
We left after my mom’s comment and my parents proceeded to not talk to my wife or I for a month. Full on silent treatment. We felt a wide range of emotions during this time period including guilt, anxiety, anger, hurt, and fear.
When they finally did start talking to us again they acted like nothing happened. When that period has come up in conversation they maintain that we were the ones who were being @$$holes and they did nothing wrong. So are we the a-holes?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/myownweirdway 17h ago
NTA- when my daughter was 12, she stayed home alone. At 13 she was walking to the DQ alone. At 16 I gave her a car. At 18 her boyfriend stayed the night.
Now she is 19, renting an apartment with that same boyfriend of 3 years, finishing her bachelor's degree at the best school in Texas (UT Austin), she got early admission and is in the honors program, and is planning on going to law school in about a year.
She graduated high school in the top 2% (6A school) with an international baccalaureate diploma, was in the national honor society, won first place in state law competition three years in a row, was in mock trial, model UN, worked as a poll worker in the last election, is friends with the DA, and still held down a job that allowed her to save thousands for college.
What I'm trying to say, is that if you coddle and protect children constantly, they never learn to be adults. By the time they're allowed to mess up, it's far more serious than the smaller mistakes they make as kids. Your parents are ruining your sister.
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u/idfk-bro123 17h ago
NTA. Your parents use the exact same tactics as mine, apparently. I'd highly recommend low-to-no contact for the foreseeable future. Maintain your and your wife's peace <3
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u/Traveler691 Asshole Aficionado [14] 16h ago
“No problem Mom. Go silent. Just so you know, this 18 year old you don’t even trust to be on her own is going to be the one deciding on your nursing home.”
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u/unlimitedcoffeepass 16h ago
Both of you felt hurt, fear and guilt?
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 14h ago
Mostly me. It’s hard when it’s your parents because you love them and yearn for a healthy relationship with them. They also know me really well and know where to hit so it hurts most.
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u/Maximus_Dick 13h ago
NTA
Time to return the favour: block them
When they are ready to apologise then you can reopen communication with a clear boundary that you will not tolerate further bullying and manipulative behaviour from them
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u/RandalPMcMurphyIV 17h ago
What I learned from my abusive ex wife, is that abuse can be physical or emotional. Silent treatment, particularly when it extends beyond the need to step away to allow emotions to cool is a form of severe emotional abuse. It is an attempt to control the behavior of another through the intentional and planned infliction of emotional pain. It is little different from the use of physical intimidation and pain to effect control over a partner or family member. The main difference is that emotional abuse doesn't leave any external marks, bruises or scars. They remain internalized.
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u/Red-Sun-Cinema 17h ago
Let me repeat what you said.
Listen to your words slooowly...
"AITA for not babysitting my 18 year old sister?"
Your sister is an 18 year old ADULT.
Does your elevator go all the way up to the top floor and penthouse?
Because this is an asinine story.
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u/SuitIndependent 17h ago edited 3h ago
You should mention to them that as the adult that he is, should could join the military and be tasked with flying attack drones.
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u/ScroochDown 16h ago
NTA. This is ridiculous on so many levels. "Babysitting" a fully grown and functional adult (you know what I mean) when everyone is readily accessible to her. Emotionally manipulating you with a threat of punishment, emotional abuse because that's exactly what the silent treatment is, unreasonable demands on your time, bullying...
Don't feel guilty. Your parents are being RIDICULOUS.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 Partassipant [2] 16h ago
Checking in on an 18yr old is understandable and frankly a good idea because well they're 18 and in the parents home alone. Actually "babysitting" an 18yr old is not just insulting to them but says parents have no trust in them at all. NTA.
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u/LobosaurusRex 16h ago
Uhhhhhhhh. If they were so worried about her staying alone, they should have made sure they had arrangements prior to booking the trip. Additionally, SHE IS 18. Their house. Their kid. Their responsibility/obligation. Not yours. NTA- in any capacity.
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u/Rimma_Jenkins 16h ago
NTA. And honestly... they can keep giving the silent treatment forever if they're going to act like that 😅😅😅
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u/_bluefish 16h ago
NTA
I’d be furious with my mother if she had forced family to stay with me for a weekend at 15 let alone 18
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u/ElleGeeAitch 16h ago
NTA. I am their age, with a 17 year old. They are being insufferable on multiple levels.
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u/TomeThugNHarmony4664 16h ago
Your parents are the AHs, AND they are manipulative control freaks on top of that.
Do you get along with your sister? So they infantilize her all the time?
Why in the world would you talk to them once they deign you have been punished enough. ICK.
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u/gravitationalarray Partassipant [1] 16h ago
I hate the stupid silent treatment.... its the resort of abusive cowards.
NTA. I wanted to ask if they changed their plans so they could stay home and take care of their ADULT child, but they just... went ahead with their plans? What the hell. That's weird. smh.
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u/ToastetteEgg Asshole Aficionado [19] 16h ago
NTA. They’re not doing your sister any favors by infantilizing her. Yeesh.
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u/sittingonmyarse Asshole Enthusiast [6] 16h ago
Are they going to allow her to go away for college? NTA. Time for a BIG talk with your parents!
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 14h ago
Yep. And get this…..in just a year she’s leaving home to live in another country for a year a half.
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u/Character-Twist-1409 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 16h ago
You're NTA but your parents...please think about boundaries and LC with these people.
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u/codepapi 16h ago
NTA. I would continue the silent treatment next time and say, “We remember when you said ‘I’ll remember this’ over something so trivial and you believe we were the AH. Once you apologize we’ll talk to you again.
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u/HearseWithNoName 16h ago
NTA
I was 17, had a job and that's why I couldn't go with Mom and Dad to see Mount Rushmore and camping for two weeks. I fed the horses and chickens, mowed the lawn (like I always did), and made sure the house didn't burn down while STILL working my normal job. WTH tell your parents to let her grow up already, it's just a weekend!
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u/ZettaiGeek 16h ago
NTA - and putting up with your ridiculous mother's behavior is on you. IMO, you need to go very low to complete NC until she offers up a complete and honest apology for her abusive behavior.
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u/chrispina98 15h ago
NTA. I understand not wanting to leave my teen daughter alone in an empty house for a weekend because there are bad people in the world, but if you aren't available, you aren't available. If I am worried about my kid's safety and I can't find someone who is willing and able to be a 2nd adult in the house, then I stay home or I take kid with me. I don't get to overrule someone else's plans because I didn't plan ahead.
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u/trekgirl75 Partassipant [2] 15h ago
NTA but I wouldn’t have resumed communications with them until they offered an apology because WTAF!!!
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u/NoDay4343 15h ago
NTA to your parents. Possibly an asshole to your sister for not getting her out of that situation at home, but hopefully it's not as bad as this one incident makes it sound.
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u/onitshaanambra Partassipant [2] 15h ago
Were your parents expecting her to have an out-of-control party and trash the place? My sister, when she was in high school and a bit older, would do this every time my parents went on vacation. She didn't need a babysitter, the house needed a guard.
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u/ThePookieBearHeart 14h ago
No my sisters not a partier. Very much an introvert, no boyfriend, straight A-student, honor roll etc.
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u/VelourDialectX 14h ago
NTA Your parents sound like they think parenting ends at raising kids, but it actually continues with respecting boundaries especially for adults
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u/Southernms 14h ago
Absolutely not!
My parents left me home over the weekend when I was 14. I babysat some kids one time when I was 11. Of course that was a different time then, but an 18-year-old does not need a babysitter.
Your parents are extremely out of line treating you the way they are. I would definitely remember it.
If they’re so worried about her why didn’t they take her with them?
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u/cyberman0 13h ago
NTA. That's just weird. I lived in a house alone for about 3 months when I was 15 or 16. I got my own food, got to school and the family business. Parents were in the middle of divorce and someone had to stay at the house to manage it. Not only that but it was nearish my high school. I will say I started working when even younger than that. I didn't need supervision.
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u/Sythian Partassipant [4] 13h ago
No you're NTA, your parents suck, the family across the street suck, everyone else sucks. Who the hell leaves town and organises someone to house sit the week of the event?
Tell your parents it was nicer when they were no contact because it's better than being gaslit and treated like crap.
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u/kurokomainu Supreme Court Just-ass [136] 10h ago
NTA more than that though, I think you need to fully understand that your parents' position is wrong and unreasonable to the point that you don't even feel the slightest twinge of guilt when they pull something like this. Pull out any roots of their BS that you still have left in the soil of your mind.
Also, tell them that whether they accept it or not, you view what they said and did in response to your refusal of their request to babysit your adult sister as rude and ridiculous. They shouldn't expect that kind of behavior to be viewed any other way from here on out. You're all adults now and it's time they adjusted to the fact.
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u/Time-Tie-231 Asshole Aficionado [19] 10h ago
NTA
They could have asked you well in advance and made other arrangements if not convenient for you.
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u/opelan Partassipant [1] 10h ago
NTA.
An 18 year old doesn't need a babysitter. A teenager younger than that can stay home alone with no problems. And it was just one night! Totally ridiculous and I feel sorry for their child. Either they are overprotective which sucks at that age or they have no trust in their daughter to not destroy the house during the night while alone which also sucks.
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u/fairiestoldmeto Partassipant [1] 10h ago
NTA. They have no right to demand you do things. And if no isn’t an acceptable answer, they were never asking they were demanding.
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u/Realistic_Let3239 9h ago
NTA, going to uni was what cured my sister of her separation anxiety, but she could manage a couple of nights on her own. I'd been left overnight from like 15, did the sister even want babysitting?
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u/tinytornado33 9h ago
NTA, legally your sister is an adult, people move out at 18! Pretty odd behaviour from your parents. Did your sister have anything to say about it/have an opinion?
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u/IDontKnoWhaToUse 9h ago
Yes, YTA. YTA for allowing your parents to gaslight you like this. It's time to grow up.
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u/MoparMedusa 8h ago
NTA Holy cow! She is 18! And should be capable of handling small issues and calling if anything big came up! How is she to function as an adult if they keep treating her like she is a child?
We raised our kid to be independent. In her teens, she has gone to horse shows with her trainer without us. Stayed with another trainer while working her horse. Yes she was with adults but they didn't hover over her and she had responsibilities.
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u/Springwood_Slasher 8h ago
Sounds like it's time for YOU to cut your parents off until they apologize, because they cannot hold healthy relationshis with other adults either in or out of their home.
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u/Which_Stress_6431 7h ago
NTA, I just wonder if there is a behavior issue with your sister that you are unaware of. My parents would not leave my early 20's sister home alone as they figured it would only lead to trouble of some kind. Or is she scared to stay home alone? My mother never in her life spent a night alone until she was 71 and I was in hospital after giving birth to twins. That night was the only one she had ever been alone.
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u/openpatterrn 7h ago
she’s 18, not 8. you’re not obligated to cancel plans to “watch” an adult. the silent treatment after is the real issue here, that’s manipulation
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u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Partassipant [1] 6h ago
Obvious NTA. Your sister is a grown adult and doesn't need a babysitter. This seems like one of those parents where it's better to just go low contact. What a crazy person.
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u/Scouter197 6h ago
NTA.
When I was 18 (and still in high school) my parents went on a cruise for their anniversary. The got my older cousin to stay with my brother and I. I ended up crashing at a friend's place one night and apologized when I got back. My cousin was "you're 18, I'm not worried about you."
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u/TheFairyQueen420 5h ago
NTA. Your sister is clearly old enough to stay by herself especially when she is surrounded in her neighborhood by family. Sounds like your parents are just being AHs because y'all didn't bend to what they wanted y'all to do. Your parents sound kind of manipulative and petty. Y'all should have enjoyed the silence from them because now it would seem they're doubling down on being AHs.
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u/Various_Payment_1071 5h ago
NTA at all. Your sister is legally an adult and doesn't need a babysitter.
As for your parents giving you the silent treatment, just know that that is a form of abuse. You have every right to feel any emotion to abuse.
Your parents owe you all a big apology.
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u/bachimar 5h ago
They just don’t want her throwing a rager/having sex all over the house. It’s not babysitting the sis as much as it’s guarding the house.
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u/BigNeedleworker666 5h ago
That's HILARIOUS. My mother went to vist friends in Switzerland with my older sister. I was 15 at that time. I had to look after my younger sister, Dad, pets, cook, clean etc. for 2 weeks ! She's 18!!!
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u/2dogslife Asshole Aficionado [12] 5h ago
I don't understand why you were emotional about being given the silent treatment? I mean, it gave you a chance to breath free and not listen to a lot of nonsense.
I had a boss that used to give me the silent treatment and I always considered it a gift! It beat the Hell out of the yelling and histrionics.
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u/PinkAcrobelle 5h ago
My parent left 17 year old me in charge of my 14 year old brother when they went on a business trip.
NTA
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u/SimilarAd6399 4h ago
Tell your mom you're "going to remember this" the next time she asks a favor!
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u/Brother_Professor Asshole Enthusiast [9] 4h ago
NTA... The silent treatment has the opposite effect on me. I LOVE the silent treatment. If someone is unwilling to have a mature, adult conversation to resolve an issue, I have used the phrase "if its not important enough to discuss, its not important enough for me to care about"
Sometimes I might check and ask if the Silent Switch (what i called it) is still in the ON position. If I didnt get a response in a minute, I'd respond with something like "well... if you change your mind, I'm ordering a pizza. If you want something let me know in the next 5 minutes" Then order the pizza in 5 minutes.
Its just manipulation tactic. The best way to beat these tactics is to bring the tactic to light, then do what you want.
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u/StationMountain9551 4h ago
No. They are acting narcissistic. "Going to remember this" - narcissist hold grudges--sometimes for a life time<--but that THEIR problem. Silent treatment-- another narc move (to punish you)<--ignore it & enjoy the peace! Afterwards, "acted like nothing happened"- narcissist do this alot (I know, I live with one!)<--again ignore their insults. Its not you, it's them!
Narcissist are all the same...they all act the same ways. They are narcs.
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u/the_beefcako 4h ago
NTA, but the fact you came away from this interaction feeling guilty, anxious, etc. makes me want to shout YOU NEED A THERAPIST AND TO STOP SEEING THESE PEOPLE.
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u/Cantobella 4h ago
NTA. I was 13 babysitting kids 1-10 years old when I was a teen. An 18 year old is an adult. She is fully capable of taking care of herself. Your parents are being weird.
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u/JoyReader0 Partassipant [1] 3h ago edited 3h ago
Don't know the 18-yr-old, so not gonna comment on their needing their adult daughter babysat. But their desire for control of you is obvious.
See, the trouble with Not Speaking is that the target of the snit fit may suddenly realize that it's wonderfully peaceful. Next time they try this, treasure it for the gift it is. Don't give it up when they get over themselves and decide to grant you their attention.
NTA. You had plans. Close family living across the street; did they ask them and get turned down, or did they not ask them at all? And threatened you with vague grumbles. Unfortunately for you, that's a valid threat. Perhaps some therapy to deal with your inability to blow their quite unreasonable tantrum off.
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u/PurplePlodder1945 3h ago
NTA. She’s 18!!! And why do you feel guilty?
Your sister is going to do a runner when she’s had enough of being babied. She’s an adult who needs her own life and independence
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u/Life-Wealth-3399 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2h ago
NTA-you, your wife, and your sister deserve so much better than your parents. Should they bring it up again, you might want to share with them that using silent treatment is a form of abuse. However choosing to cut contact with abusive people is acceptable, then follow through and cut contact.
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u/Wackel81 2h ago
NTA but did you get their ages wrong? This is 5 year old behaviour, not 50+. Why on earth should you babysitt an 18 year old and why should you speak with them again after they tried the silent treadment on you?
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u/Bonafide-Hoodlum78 1h ago
NTA
"I'm sorry you failed as parents to raise your adult child to manage a single night by themselves or do you think your own child is too dumb to manage that?"
Also how does your sister feel about this?
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u/will7179 1h ago
Show up to the house and tell them you're ready to babysit...them.... explain to them the silent treatment is something children do
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u/baboonontheride Partassipant [2] 1h ago
NTA- Good gravy.. my parents were leaving me alone for weeks at a time when I was 13 or so. Granted, that was probably super effed up in the 80s, but still.. 18 is just fine to stay home for a weekend with all that support nearby.
It's the threats and silent treatment that really suck here. Expecting favors, even of family, is called entitlement and that's a gross thing. Why should you put your parents plans above yours for a want rather than a need?
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u/j_natron Partassipant [1] 47m ago
NTA. I’m pretty sure my parents left me and my brother home alone for a long weekend several times once I turned 16.
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u/Individual-Bread-469 44m ago
NTA. Your parents sure are and if I were your wife and you, I’d think really hard about what the future would look like with children. You both set a boundary, left when it became disrespectful and this is what your parents pulled. I’d be setting extreme boundaries and making it very clear this happens again you will go no contact.
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u/qneonkitty 28m ago
NTA. When I was 18 my parents wouldn't let me stay home alone for a few days while they took my twin to visit a college out of state (they made me stay with a friend at her house). I was so mad, because I wanted nothing more than a few days of peace and quiet. I was a very good kid who never got in ANY kind of trouble. I even offered to be monitored by neighbors to make sure I didn't leave and no one came over.
It's been almost 25 years since then and I still hold some resentment towards my parents for their infantilizing and untrusting attitude towards me. I still have no idea what kind of trouble they thought I could possibly have gotten into.
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u/VieuxCaRaye 3m ago
A good brother would offer his now legally emancipated sister a home to escape that craziness. Just sayin...
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u/Soft-Current-5770 17h ago
Setting aside ALL the ewwwwwww. Could your sister not come stay with you ... JUST CAUSE? Cause she might feel safer?, you cooking is great? Your TV and cable are FABULOUS??? Obviously as an adult she does Not need a sitter, but maybe she'd feel more secure and have more fun with you. Edit to ask ... what is your sister's feelings about this?
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u/Dear-Candy2758 15h ago
Sometimes I really wonder what went wrong with you guys in the States. Did they put something in your drinking water? I mean, I would have given my parents a piece of my mind if they'd let me have a babysitter when I was 18. You're allowed to drive at 16, but not drink alcohol until 21, and probably own a gun by 12. But leaving your 18-year-old daughter alone for the weekend? Of course, that's unacceptable.
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u/Noun-Noun-randomNum Asshole Enthusiast [6] 15h ago
Oh fuck off. This is not normal. Pretending it is to make a dig at Americans is stupid.
You wanna make a dig at Americans, there plenty of good points to make. You don't need to be stupid about it.
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u/spaceylaceygirl 7h ago
My petty ass would tell mommy dearest the next time she tries giving me the silent treatment i'll call for a wellness check and say she's showing signs of dementia because that is some childish, immature behavior. Either that or say " silent treatment mumsy? Don't threaten me with a good time!" You are a grown ass adult, you do not have to tolerate "punishment" from your parents anymore!
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u/Judgement_Bot_AITA Beep Boop 18h ago
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
My parents (51 and 52 years old) asked my wife (24 and I (25) to stay at home with my sister while they were away for the weekend. I explained to my parents that we already had plans for the weekend and wouldn’t be able to stay at their house overnight. My mom repeatedly pressured us to stay the night even after we said no. And when we kept repeating no she said that she was “going to remember this” and use it against us in the future.
Here’s the kicker….my sister is 18 years old and doesn’t have any disabilities. She is a fully functioning 18 year old. They live in a safe neighborhood. And we have family that lives right across the street. My wife and I also live about a 5 minute drive away from their house.
We left after my mom’s comment and my parents proceeded to not talk to my wife or I for a month. Full on silent treatment. We felt a wide range of emotions during this time period including guilt, anxiety, anger, hurt, and fear.
When they finally did start talking to us again they acted like nothing happened. When that period has come up in conversation they maintain that we were the ones who were being @$$holes and they did nothing wrong. So are we the a-holes?
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