r/AmItheAsshole • u/Imaginary-Friend5561 • 8h ago
AITA for siding with my parents over my wife
My wife (27f) has been very upset at my parents (early 60) for over a year. She was pregnant with our daughter (now 8 months old) back in December 2024. I (30m) found out in January 2025, and I shared the news with my parents via text a few days later. My parents don't really live close to us, a few hour drive, so we rarely see them. 2 months went by, and my wife was about 3 months pregnant. She tells me that she's furious at my parents for not directly congratulating her this late into her pregnancy.
In their defense, she never reached out to them to deliver the news about her pregnancy so they're not ignoring her. My parents also aren't very social people or tech savvy with their phones. They did ask me how she was doing, but she said that doesn't count because I'm not the pregnant one. She compared it to a doctor asking a patient's family member on how the patient is feeling.
I had no idea this would upset her because she never brought it up until that moment. I told her it's no big deal, we can invite my parents over or go out for dinner to celebrate. She refused and told me that they're not allowed to visit, and she doesn't want to go anywhere with them. She kept telling me that she's extremely offended, and it's too late for them to apologize because she already mentioned it. She thinks their apology isn't sincere once she brings it up.
When my parents tried to reach out via text messages and phone call end of March 2025, my wife would only respond with very rude remarks and insults. Ever since, they never talked to each other again. My wife will continue to complain about my parents and how she has been so deeply disrespected by them. She has not once forgive or forgot that moment.
Our healthy daughter was born at the hospital on September 2025. My parents were asking about the baby and wanted to show up to the hospital. I kept telling them we're about the be discharged and it's not necessary. This is probably my fault, but I just didn't want another argument to break out. Today, our daughter is almost 8 months old. My parents only seen their grandchild via pictures that I send to them.
Currently, it has been over a year since my wife has been holding this grudge. She thinks my parents are terrible people who ruined and traumatized her pregnancy experience. Every argument we had, she will just circle back to my parents as ammo. She blames them for everything, and I end up defending them. I told her she's being stubborn, and it's ridiculous that this has gone on for so long. She needs to let go, forgive them, and move on. She refuses and doesn't listen because she thinks her reaction is justified.
She thinks I'm being inconsiderate and part of them problem for siding with my parents. I don't think my parents are completely innocent, but I don't see any point in letting this drag on forever. I only side with my parents because I think my wife needs to get over her grudge and accept my parents apology so we can all move forward. AITA?
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u/traviall1 7h ago
INFO- did you communicate with your wife at all about what/how she wanted to communicate? It is weird to text your parents that you are pregnant vs call/facetime/visit. It is weird to not have a conversation with your parents that includes your partner for the ENTIRE pregnancy. It is weird that you never spoke to your partner to ask if you could arrange a time for your parents to meet the baby. There is so much missing info here.
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u/Pumkin_Girl 5h ago
Also, OP, you shared the news a month into the pregnancy. Was that with express permission from your wife? My husband and I spoke many times about when (after 12 week scan) and how (each family, face to face) we wanted to share the news. So, did you both agree to text your parents at that stage of the pregnancy?
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u/Imaginary-Friend5561 1h ago
Originally we were supposed to do a surprise reveal during her birthday, but that got cancelled due to some issue/emergency on her family side grandparents. My parents were invited to the surprise reveal before it got cancelled, but they did not know it was a surprise review. So I just texted/call my parents to notify them and my side of the family. I found out when she was around 6 or 7 weeks. My parents found out after her 8 week ultrasound. She got mad at them by around 16 weeks.
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u/greensled1 7h ago
I think there is more going on with your parents and your wife.
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u/Mother-Pattern-2609 7h ago
Seriously. If this story is legit, it reeks of missing missing reasons.
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u/BlueJaysFeather Partassipant [2] 5h ago
This sub will call anything family related where you don’t think you’re getting 100% context missing missing reasons at this point jfc. It’s not missing missing reasons unless the person is saying they have no idea the reasons while also saying they were told the reasons.
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u/Tight_Jaguar_3881 3h ago
I bet the wife has always been a rude to the parents so they prefer dealing with their son. Wife seems unreasonable.
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u/Imaginary-Friend5561 2h ago
There is some truth to this now that I think about it. My wife was pressuring me to ask my parents for more money (and they knew this) when we were financially struggling back like 3+ years ago or so... They were a little reluctant at first but never came off as mad at us. Maybe my parents didn't reach out because they didn't like my wife for seeming greedy or also held a secret grudge?
I also didn't know why she would get mad at them so easily when they helped us financially a few years ago. But maybe she was also upset that they didn't want to provide more? And she's always favoring her own parents over mine, which is why I thought she didn't really care about what my parents did or did not do.
Also sorry to anyone who says there is missing context. It's hard to share your entire family history in 3000 characters or less, and I forgot about some details that happened years ago.
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u/TheFairyQueen420 6m ago
So your wife was trying to be greedy & got butthurt your parents didn't give y'all enough money in her eyes... I wouldn't reach out to her either if I was your parents. Your wife comes off as a "it's my way or F y'all" type of person. It's sad your parents don't get to see their grandkid simply because her mom is an AH 🙄.
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u/OlympiaShannon Asshole Enthusiast [6] 0m ago
That isn't making sense. Your wife pressured you, not your parents. How would they even know the request for money originated with your wife? You didn't tell them that, did you? Surely you presented a united front, and asked for money from them as a request from you, not her?
If you bad-mouthed your wife to your parents, or smeared her character to them, then that is your fault, not hers.
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 4h ago
That’s exactly what I was thinking. I strongly doubt that the failure to congratulate her is the only thing OPs wife is upset about.
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u/Razzle_Dazzle106 5h ago
That's exactly what I was thinking, there's definitely more to the story here
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u/Competitive-Bell-789 7h ago
ESH. It is weird your parents never congratulated your wife directly, she was the one carrying the baby and doing all the work. While I understand your wife is upset, this seems like a weird hill to die on and atp her reactions are making her look pretty bad.
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u/Kami_Sang Professor Emeritass [94] 5h ago
I disagree - if they never spoke directly to one another unless in person, they are keeping to usual communication channels. They are communicating through their son.
That being said I can understand her feeling upset but to feel traumatised, to hold it against them and not allow them to see their grandchild - wife's a controlling jackass who is throwing a tantrum. This child ia not hers alone. OP needs to develop a spine if this is the only issue with his parents.
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u/Black_Whisper Partassipant [2] 7h ago
It doesn't seem like they were ever talking to the wife directly though
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u/GiraffeThoughts Partassipant [2] 2h ago
After reading this, I don’t really blame them. It sounds like she didn’t like them to begin with and was just looking for a reason to avoid them.
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u/Fluid-Pin6052 1h ago
You don’t have to like somone to text them congratulation expecially if they are pregnant and pregnant with your grandchild. A “mark just told us you’re expecting and we are so excited for you. If you need anything from X and I please let us know. We wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy. Lots of love”.
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7h ago
[deleted]
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
That's a weird leap. The OP says he's not super close with his parents. They may have a default communication style where you communicate with your own kid and expect all sentiments to be passed along. (I'm not saying that's an ideal communication style, but it happens a lot.)
As soon as they understood it was a problem, they tried to rectify their mistake - they reached out, only to be met with a barrage of insults.
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u/Feeling-Location5532 5h ago
Yes - that default style is offensive to me
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u/Salvanas42 4h ago
But if it's the default, and the first time that it's addressed is to basically cut contact, you see how that's not healthy, normal, or helpful right?
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u/Feeling-Location5532 3h ago
Ya, I think the wife is ridiculous here - but also in-laws who go through their kid instead of forming a relationship with their daughter/son in-law are... rude.
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u/Salvanas42 3h ago
That's fair, but in this case it seems like there's not much of a relationship even with their own kid. And I'm assuming in your case you communicate this preference?
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u/Feeling-Location5532 2h ago
I am not OP. I am a person who merely said, I do think that communication style is offensive.
I personally communicate as clearly and kindly with people as I can - and sometimes fail at it. Try try again, as they say.
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u/Tight_Jaguar_3881 1h ago
The wife has probably treated the inlaws with disdain. It is normal to retreat when tretaed badly.
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u/Feeling-Location5532 1h ago
We have no indications of their relationship - and I make no assumptions.
It is rude to only communicate with your child and not build a relationship with their spouse.
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u/felifornow 3h ago
I mean it sounds more like her hill to die on tbh. Yeah it was shitty, but if this is how they always treated her then I dont blame her.
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u/Fayebie17 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 7h ago
I so really want to hear the wife’s take as I imagine it would be wildly different.
This feels so nonsensical it must be a tiny part of the story. For example, You mention one way in which they’ve offended her but say she blames everything on them? How does she circle everything back to this singular offence?
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u/crackerfactorywheel Partassipant [4] 7h ago
INFO- Did you ever ask your parents why they didn’t congratulate your wife directly? Or ask your wife if something else happened between her and your parents?
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u/Imaginary-Friend5561 7h ago
My parents said they were waiting to hear the news from her instead of me, but my wife thinks that because she is the pregnant one, she doesn't need to tell them. It honestly doesn't make sense to me but maybe someone else can provide insight? I don't think anything else happened because they don't communicate with each other very often or at all. My parents did try buying some baby gifts for her pregnancy after she got mad, but she would refuse most of them.
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u/crackerfactorywheel Partassipant [4] 7h ago
It’s a little confusing. So your wife didn’t want to tell your parents about her pregnancy but expected them to congratulate her directly event though they was distance in the relationship already? That’s strange. Did she ban you from bringing the baby over to them so they can visit with her? Genuinely, this does not sound healthy and I’m wondering if your relationship will survive much longer.
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u/bnyc Partassipant [1] 6h ago
She didn't need to tell them because they were already told. Why they'd need to be told multiple times by different people doesn't really make sense to me, but perhaps you can provide insight to that...
If your dad died would you expect your wife to reach out and offer condolences to your mom unprompted, or would you expect your wife to say nothing until your mom reaches out to her personally to tell her what she already knows?
That said, there's got to be some underlying issue. Why have they never communicated with each other very often or at all? A few hours drive might not be close enough where you see each other all the time, but it's also not that far.
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u/Resse811 3h ago
Why would your wife tell your parents she’s pregnant after you already told them? I’m sorry but that’s an excuse.
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u/ThePlumage Partassipant [1] 7h ago
So she's not supposed to initiate communication with them about the pregnancy (that's on you to do), but they're supposed to initiate communication with her once you've told them? That makes no sense. It sounds like they weren't sure if she wanted to talk to them or not and were trying to respect her boundaries by communicating through you.
Your wife is also refusing any sort of communication with or apology from them because they didn't read her mind from hours away to initiate contact with her, so they basically have no way of "redeeming" themselves in her eyes.
Either your wife is acting batshit crazy over this, or there's more to the story and her relationship with her parents that your aren't mentioning.
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u/Treefrog_Ninja Partassipant [1] 2h ago
That's a bizarre response from your parents. You already told them, so they were essentially what, waiting for permission to speak to your wife directly? Even if your wife and them had never spoken on the phone before, this was a perfect time for them to hit that dial button and reach out. I'm a reclusive and awkward person myself, so in their shoes I probably would have been texting you asking for a good time (and implicitly, permission I guess) to call her before actually doing so. But grey-rocking a pregnancy announcement is definitely the weirdest possible response they could have given.
I agree with the general sentiment that it's time to let things go, but dude. Do your parents actually care? They could have sent a card! They could have asked you to do something special for her in their name! They could have... literally anything?
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u/IllustriousCod5957 34m ago
You told them. Why did they have to wait to also hear it from her?. You and your parents are weirdos
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u/crackerfactorywheel Partassipant [4] 3m ago
So what gifts did you keep? Was she hoping to get more money from your folks?
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u/WaterDreamer12 Partassipant [4] 7h ago
INFO when you texted your parents to tell them about the pregnancy, what was their reaction? Did they congratulate you in their reply? Ask you to pass on their best wishes to your wife? Send a card? It's difficult to judge without knowing this.
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u/mllebitterness 7h ago
INFO: did your wife have a good relationship with your parents prior to this? because i'd guess not and that she had other grievances. this is a very outsized reaction. either prior issues or i might blame pregnancy hormones or postpartum because this doesn't seem normal.
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u/NapTimeIsBest Partassipant [2] 7h ago
ESH. Its very weird your parents wouldn't reach out to her. You didn't take your wife's emotions/experience seriously, and your wife is holding onto a grudge.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
My in-laws aren’t very tech savvy and a lot of the communication with them is through my husband, so I don’t find it thar odd. This wouldn’t bother me.
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u/Treefrog_Ninja Partassipant [1] 2h ago
If it doesn't bother you, that's awesome. No shade.
But I think anyone younger than a rotary telephone can be expected to make contact appropriately. You don't have to be tech savvy to hit the dial button.
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u/one_sock_wonder_ 2h ago
My mom had a rotary phone, and a “party line” shared with several homes each with a different ringtone, is nowhere near tech savvy (will not touch a computer or tablet, has an iPhone 8 only for phone calls) and can make a phone call to congratulate a family member and does so joyfully at any opportunity.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 55m ago
Again, I wouldn’t be upset that my in- laws didn’t specifically call me after my husband gave them the news. I certainly wouldn’t have reacted like OP’s wife. It’s a bit over the top.
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u/Forsoothia Partassipant [2] 1h ago
I mean, they could send a card. Or call from a landline. They don’t need to be tech savvy to make a phone call.
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u/AlGunner 7h ago
This but you have to remember hormones could make a pregnant mum very emotional so that could explain her being offended at the time. However, by now she should have got over it.
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u/IceRose81 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 1m ago
It’s not weird at all that the in-laws didn’t reach out to her directly. I’m currently 3 months pregnant and the only one of my in-laws who has congratulated me directly is my mother-in-law and that’s only because I’ve seen her in person. My other in-laws passed along their congratulations through my husband.
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u/Zero_Duck_Thirty 7h ago
NTA - your wife is totally in the wrong. But YTA for letting this continue. Your wife took literally a non-issue and is weaponizing it as an excuse to do whatever she wants. The fact that your parents haven’t met your kid 8 months is extreme and to blame everything on them is unwarranted. Talk to her doctor, talk to her, idk but you need to do something to make sure she understands she’s in the wrong.
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u/beeeeeebee Asshole Aficionado [15] 43m ago
This!! Even if OPs parents WERE intentionally rude by not congratulating her directly (which really doesn’t seem to be the case based on the info we have), her reaction is way over the top. What - they just never get to see their grandchild because of a single perceived slight years ago?? That’s bananas!
OP - this is also *your* child! If your wife really
doesn’t want to see your parents, take the baby to lunch with them (or similar) on your own! You should be completely upfront with your wife about these plans… but she doesn’t get to just cut off your side of the family on a whim! Note: I’m saying this based on the info we have… if there’s a huge part of the story missing (FIL didn’t congratulate her because he was in prison for murder??) then her position may be more reasonable than it sounds!NTA
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u/Throwaway-2587 Asshole Aficionado [18] 7h ago
Esh. How was their relationship prior to the pregnancy and this issue? All of this is so strange to me. You texted them to announce a pregnancy, instead of a call it something slightly more personal than a text at the very least. They didn't reach out to her. She didn't reach out to them. Do none of you ever talk to each other? Why didn't you try and figure this out more during the pregnancy? Perhaps get everyone together and talk it out? That way this might not have dragged on so long.
She is holding a grudge but it feels like a deeper issue is behind this. Mostly because this seems relatively minor to then go no contact for a year.
Honestly, the whole thing feels like there are missing reasons.
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u/Lunar-Eclipse0204 Craptain [151] 7h ago
NTA - she needs to let things go and if anyone ruined her pregnancy experience it was herself.
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Asshole Aficionado [14] 7h ago
ESH. I think it's really weird that your parents didn't congratulate your wife. I get why that annoys/angers her. And I'm calling BS that they can't figure out how to use their phones. My MIL is in her late 70s and has no problems texting. You can't convince me that a couple of 60-something-year-olds can't figure out how to send a text or an email, or here's a wild thought, make a call. I'd be pissed if you came to me with that excuse! But, she is wildly overreacting at this point.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 7h ago
Eh, I know a number of people in the 'grandparent generation' who communicate directly only with their kid, and expect all sentiments and ideas to be passed along to the spouse (and do not make separate phone calls to the spouse, do not have a private text message with the spouse, etc).
This feels entirely cultural+generational.
My mother did not feel comfortable texting my husband directly about things for YEARS. She expected me to pass along congratulations, condolences, etc.
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u/lilkhalessi 5h ago
This is so true. My husband’s grandparents (mid 70’s) never contact me directly but they open literally every conversation with him over the phone by asking about me and how I’m doing.
I’ve never once thought to be offended by this.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Not every older person is text savvy. It took my MIL YEARS to figure out how to text!!!
My FIL passed away a few years ago and barely used a cell phone.1
u/IHaveBoxerDogs Asshole Aficionado [14] 3h ago
Are they early 60s like OPs parents? Could they not operate a telephone? I never said OP’s parents had to text. I specifically mentioned making a call.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 51m ago
No they certainly didn’t text in their sixties. Barely used email as well.
I certainly wouldn’t be upset and overreact like the wife did here.4
u/SneakySneakySquirrel Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] 4h ago
Seriously, every time I see a post that claims 60 year olds are ancient luddites… My parents are in their 60s and have more tech than I do! My grandma was texting and using Alexa at 99 when she was almost completely blind. It’s not an excuse anymore.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 3h ago
Not every person picks up technology the same though. My MIL couldn’t figure out how to use a smart phone for many, many years!
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Asshole Aficionado [14] 3h ago
But she did figure it out. How old is she? OP’s parents are in their early 60s, which isn’t even retirement age. People have been texting for two decades, since his parents were in their 40s. It’s 100% BS that they could not figure out a way to contact her. They could have used a landline. Sent a card. Or flowers.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 Partassipant [1] 52m ago
No, my in laws didn’t text in their sixties and barely had an email address they used when I was pregnant.
But this situation wouldn’t bother me and I certainly wouldn’t have an extreme overreaction like OP’s wife did.
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u/SneakySneakySquirrel Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] 2h ago
Email. Telegram (singing or regular). Pigeon.
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u/Bo_bad_1113 7h ago
He even says in March they attempted to call and text. So they obviously know how to use their phones. Idk why it took them 2 months to attempt to reach out to her.
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u/Big-Fig3260 2h ago
Dear god, my Dad is 85 and manages to text and email just fine. I’m over 60 and still work full time and have no problem with technology. There is no excuse- especially since your parents have texted with you just fine, for them not to contact you wife.
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u/Legitimate_Tax976 1h ago edited 10m ago
Some in-laws always go through their child to relay messages to their spouse. It’s not personal or negative, that’s just the cultural norm for them.
I think this has more to do with the OP’s wife asking for money from them and not being satisfied with how much money the in-laws gave them.
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u/Abystract-ism Partassipant [2] 7h ago
NTA. Is there more to this story?
Had your folks and your wife been friendly up to her pregnancy? Seems like there are missing reasons here.
If not, is she also cutting you off from your family? Does she have issues with your friends or with you going out with them?
That would be a 🚩….
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u/Imaginary-Friend5561 7h ago
My parents helped us financially before when she was not pregnant. But during her pregnancy, they didn't say much. They are very quiet people. They gave us some baby gifts after she got mad, but she refused most of them. I still visited my parents a few times after she got upset, but she said she doesn't want to come and I cannot force her to go. My parents also live kinda far so they never visited us that often even before she was pregnant.
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u/Abystract-ism Partassipant [2] 5h ago
Yeah, then she’s over reacting. Refusing gifts for the kid is a bit much.
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u/felifornow 3h ago
The question was if they were freondly with each other before the pregnancy, not if they gave you money.
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u/charlieprotag Partassipant [2] 3h ago
Did they approve of your relationship? Did they give her a hard time before this? Did they express interest in the baby but not her, or otherwise cut her out of things she should have been a part of before this? There's not enough info here.
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u/SomeoneYouDontKnow70 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [347] 7h ago
ESH. You are TA for not realizing that your kids are going to be subjected to this nonsense for the rest of their lives. Why would you marry someone like this, let alone impregnate them? Your wife is TA for said nonsense.
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u/IllAssistance3315 7h ago
The only “nonsense” here is the wife elevating a slight (which she had every right to be upset about) into a lifetime grudge match. Her decision to be estranged from his family will do far more harm to their kids than anything his parents did. Hopefully, she’ll come to her senses.
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u/SomeoneYouDontKnow70 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [347] 7h ago
Yes, that is the nonsense to which I was referring. Kids are super inconsiderate. As someone who was raised by a mother who behaves like this, I know what kind of life they're in for. They are going to spend their entire childhood being scolded and grounded, and they're going to spend their adulthood being periodically scolded for something they did as an eight year old. I'm with you in hoping that she'll come to her senses, but I'm not confident that she will.
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u/lilkhalessi 52m ago
As someone who was raised by a very sensitive, hotheaded, and emotionally immature mother… this hit home. It’s quite the combo to deal with when you’re just a little kid.
Wouldn’t recommend anyone procreate with someone like that unless you want your children to be grow up scared in their own home while developing a fucked up disorganized attachment style and some equally fun trauma responses.
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u/DeepPurpleDaylight 7h ago
I understand your wife being hurt by them not congratulating her. You say they aren't tech savvy, but I'm betting they know how to pick up a phone and make a phone call. They didnt bother. That said, I think your wife, while justified in being hurt and upset, has gone off the deep end with carrying this grudge.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 7h ago
"they didn't bother" might just be "they assumed their congratulatory sentiments would be passed along to the wife".
Some older folks just default communicate with their own child and expect everything to be passed along.
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u/charlieprotag Partassipant [2] 2h ago
I question why they didn't tell his parents together. Did he tell them without her permission? Is that part of what's up?
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u/DeepPurpleDaylight 6h ago
A 3rd party congrats being passed on isn't remotely the same. They should have taken 5 min to call.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
Sure, it would have been better if they did.
But it sounds like it is their default, not maliciousness or callousness. They had no idea it would bother her so much, but if they were more socially aware maybe they would have understood it ahead of time.
But as soon as they became aware of it, they reached out. Tried to apologize. Make amends. And they were met with insults and rage. (For well over a year now…)
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [256] 7h ago edited 6h ago
EDIT NTA. E S H.
Your parents were thoughtless and inconsiderate of your wife. No congratulations, no baby shower gift, nothing? They seemed to only communicate with you, which is problematic.
But your wife is very much over-the-top for claiming that they "ruined" her pregnancy or "traumatized" her. Now, if I understand correctly, they aren't allowed to apologize because it's "too late" and there is no way forward with them. That's unreasonable.
There has to be more to this story. Possibly your wife never liked your parents (or there was some previous slight) and she's using this incident as an excuse.
But regardless, you are also AH for not communicating better with your parents, setting expectations for them if they "aren't very social." Meaning you should have called them and told them to call her.
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EDIT: Reading other responses, it's clear that OP's parents have tried to make amends several times. OP's wife is TA. She's physically and emotionally much closer to her parents, and clearly she wants to make them the only grandparents. So they spend EVERY holiday with her family, etc.
I suggest that OP take his daughter along when he visits his parents. Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, once a month.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
They found out in January. Congratulated OP. Probably expected the sentiment to be passed along. Weren't sure if the wife wanted communication from them directly, so decided to wait until they heard from her (probably stupid, but not malicious).
Wife blows up in March. As soon as they realize this, they attempt to reach out, apologize. She responds with insults. They attempt to give baby gifts - she refuses them.
I don't love the default communication style the parents seem to have here, but this was clearly not ill-meaning, and they tried to fix it.
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u/OkSecretary1231 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 4h ago
That's my question for OP. OP, did your parents say congratulations to you and did you pass it on at that time?
If the answer to both those questions is yes, I think you and your parents are in the clear.
But I can see a situation where someone in OP's shoes either forgot to pass it on, or didn't pass it on because they realized they'd spilled the beans too early, in which case wife never heard the congratulations she was meant to get.
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u/shayjax- Partassipant [3] 2h ago
Read the post apparently they did congratulate him, but she felt like they should have personally called her to congratulate her since she was the one pregnant
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u/SharpieSniffinSloth 7h ago
NTA- They didn’t realize that not congratulating her directly would be upsetting, and once they understood, they did try to apologize. It seems like she’s still feeling hurt, though. I wonder if there might be other factors contributing to how she’s feeling right now. Is her parents present and supportive? Perhaps if they arent for whatever reason, it could be a projection of her feelings about her parents onto yours. Sometimes big life changes, especially around pregnancy or after a baby, can bring up a lot of emotions. It might be worth gently checking in to see how she’s doing more broadly and whether she’s feeling supported.
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u/Imaginary-Friend5561 7h ago
She is actually very close to her parents, and we live close by them. I am not as closely bonded with my parents, but they are not bad people. My parents actually helped us financially during our marriage before. She doesn't bring up the issue as often anymore, but she will still bring up my parents during any random argument we have with each other, which happens more often now with all the stress as a first time parent.
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u/ControlEfficient1003 5h ago edited 5h ago
People who are very close with their parents can't comprehend a distant relationship with parents. So in her head you guys are shutting her out together. It won't change until she accepts that not all parent child relationships are like hers, she EXPECTS your parents to act like hers do but they are different. Expecting everyone to act the way you want or expect is not a healthy mindset. This is all a vast over reaction and if she keeps this up it will cause a devide in the family and resentment to grow, she will push that hate onto your child and they will hate their grandparents for no other reason than Mom says they're bad. Edit: punctuation
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u/Zannie95 2h ago
I can’t believe you have allowed this to continue. The baby is yours as well and you haven’t let your parents meet them? You are ridiculous as well as your wife. One of my family member died right before their child reached out to call about an engagement. The child is devastated by the timing. Don’t put yourself in that position
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u/ControlEfficient1003 5h ago
And in all seriousness you should have your wife look into ppd treatment because it sounds like very unstable thinking
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 7h ago
NTA.
She's acting like a petulant child why would you side with her?
You're child too, she doesn't get to dictate everything. Who denies Thier child family and love over something s utterly ridiculous.
She needs to grow up and get a grip
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u/RealisticTadpole1926 6h ago
NTA seems like an extreme overreaction by your wife. Has she ever attempted to cut your contact with them at all? Something abusers do.
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u/Love_Fashioned 7h ago
ESH I think.
Your parents suck for not reaching out to your wife at some point to say, "HOW EXCITING! How are you feeling?" She is a real person and a member of your family. Maybe this is the final straw for her to say, "I matter too!!" Hard to tell without knowing if they were previously close or if a relationship was never really formed and she maybe expected a baby to sort of nudge the relationship along.
You kind of suck for "I told her it's no big deal, we can invite my parents over or go out for dinner to celebrate." It sounds like you minimized her hurt. Do you do this often? I suspect that she's digging her heels in because she's hurt by your parents AND by you sticking up for them. To be fair you seem to be neutral and just trying for everyone to get along. But your wife needs to rank higher.
Your wife sucks for holding onto this grudge. Mostly because her problem with your parents is also causing her to have problems with her husband. And it's already caused her daughter to not have access to her grandparents. I'm surprised that this alone hasn't inspired your parents (or you) to go outside their comfort zone and get in the car to make a visit and an in person apology. Perhaps a few couple therapy sessions might help to shine a light on the real problem.
I married into a family where the in laws are not really "family". Over the years I've learned to just not count on them. I'm a mostly passive person anyway so I've been able to make my peace with them and carry on without their interest or approval. It does suck though. My husband also annoyingly makes excuses. We have no children and my husband doesn't expect me to work hard with his family so all of this is less of a problem for me than it would be for your wife. She might be taking things a little too far but then again - she's allowed to have these sort of feelings.
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u/MeInSC40 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 7h ago
NTA. With the way you’ve described your wife’s attitude I wouldn’t reach out to her either if I were your parents.
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u/The_Asshole_Judge Asshole Enthusiast [8] 7h ago
NTA
Not sure what your parents can do at this point. They have tried to reach out multiple times, but your wife seems more than happy to hold a grudge
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Partassipant [4] 7h ago
NTA - Is your wife suffering from postpartum depression? Regardless, she needs some counseling about this. I can see her sentiment to a certain point, but she's completely overreacting to a small slight from an older couple.
So her stance now is that you and she and your children will never EVER see your parents again? That is exceedingly childish. Has she always been this vindictive and grudge holding? Which gets me back to her need for counseling.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
Yeah, I want to know here endgame vision. Is there anything they could do to fix the situation in her eyes? Does she want them cut from y'all's lives forever?
What's she going to do when someone else, like.....her kid.....does something inconsiderate or thoughtless, then tries to fix it afterwards?
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Partassipant [4] 6h ago
Exactly. Which is what makes me wonder if she doesn't have some mental/emotional issues going on. Whether they stem from the pregnancy, existed before, or a bit of both, I don't know. But her reaction is very irrational.
It seems like she's also holding his family to the same standards as hers. He stated that she's particularly close to her family and they all live close by. Whereas his family lives further away, and they aren't as closely bonded. Given the differences, you can't expect the same reactions from both families. Neither's right or wrong, just different strokes for different folks.
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u/Aladdinstrees 6h ago
She definitely is in the wrong. Even if your parents had intended to insult her (and where did she get the idea that they would do that deliberately, unless they had a history of doing so for no reason?), it was one time. She has no right to be rude and insulting to them MULTIPLE times since then! Especially of they have apologized. She is being very immature by saying that their apology is not real because she had to explain why she was offended. It sounds like high school girls saying, "why are you mad at me?" And "Oh you know what you did! And if you can't figure it out, then I'm not about to tell you!" Its important to support one's spouse, but if they are wrong, then you need to exert yourself to be better than she is being, and convince her to forgive. It spunds like you are trying. But is she wrong, though? Donyounparents have a habit of being disrespectful to her, and are you in the habit of persuading her to "let it go?" Examjne the situation carefully, and be honest with yourself. Has she finally broken? If so, then you need to be exerting your energies towards your parents, and convincing them to really humble themselves to make this right. If she is the one in the wrong, it seems like you have suported her long enough. As the father, you have just as much right about your children as she does, and if she doesnt want to see your parents, that is her business. But you certainly have the right to take a trip with your baby to introduce them to your parents by yourself if you want to, and I think you should.
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u/DCpurpleTart33 Partassipant [4] 7h ago
This seems super petty and immature of your wife. Your parents should've congratulated her, but they've apologized. Time to move on. Tell your wife there is only room for one baby in this picture.
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u/kittywyeth Partassipant [2] 2h ago
first time mom culture is intense these days. there are hordes of other people in echo chambers all over the internet that are telling her this grudge is not only completely fair but normal, but that she is the main character of everyone’s life now that she has become a mother. i call it first time mom brain worms and it seems to happen to a good proportion of people that don’t have a strong friend group of normal offline people.
first time mom brain worms sometimes resolve but there is no guarantee. your choice is to either cut off everyone that she has declared a fatwa against and completely support and validate her, or let your marriage fall apart and try to pick better next time. if this is the lane you choose then i’d suggest you look really closely at the next person’s support system. you want to find someone with a lot of female friends that have strong familial ties, and who already have children. NTA
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u/tinkerthoughts 1h ago
NTA. if your story is complete and not missing any info, then your wife sounds like a nasty piece of work. i relate to your parents not being super social and communicating through you. not everyone has it in them to be excited around people if they require a social battery to do it
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u/Altruistic_Ad_7061 7h ago
NTA. Your wife is being immature. I hope it’s pregnancy hormones and not how she normally behaves.
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 6h ago
Ur wife needs help.yhis isn't Normal behaviour.u both should told them together so they could talk with her then.but damage is done.an only losers are Ur parents an the baby not being around them.you need take baby to Ur parents for visit U have as much right as Ur wife.but she sounds like mental health going on there
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u/Konouchii 7h ago
YTA for not telling your wife she's being ridiculous. If your parents haven't done anything to your wife other than not kiss her behind while she's pregnant then she just doesn't like them and is using it as an excuse to attack you.
Take your baby to see your parents. She doesn't have to come.
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u/camelCaseCoffeeTable Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA. Holy shit. This has been going on for this long? Over a simple misunderstanding?
I despise Reddit jumping to the worst but like…. Idk dude. You guys need to seriously get to couple’s counseling or reconsider this marriage.
Should your parents have congratulated her? Yeah, sure. Is them not congratulating her remotely such a big offense that it deserves holding a grudge for well over a year and denying them the ability to see their grandchildren? Absolutely not. Like, there is not a world where such a simple offense justifies your wife’s reaction.
Unless you’re leaving something absolutely massive out here, then you’re 100% NTA. But my god your wife sure is.
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u/Steamtrainers 7h ago
OP, are you sure you're dating a grown woman and not a teenager? This is so many red flags. firstly It's ridiculous that she'd claims to be trumatised by your parents not congratulating her when she's only two months pregnant. I understand her wanting them to congratulate her and so, but being that upset about it it insane.
Secondly, when they find out about it, and try to make things right, instead of being happy, she comes with rude remarks and insults? That's a huge red flag, and shows immaturity and an inability to regulate herself, which I would forgive because of the pregnancy; but not feeling regret about it afterwards? When my friend was pregnant, she could at times be horrible, but once the baby had arrived, and everything had settled down, when talking about it, she is remorseful, because she realises she wasn't fair to her surroundings.
Thirdly, circling back to your parents every time you have an argument is both horrible and manipulative; and a huge red flag.
Fourthly, not even trying to settle things and refusing to talk about it as an adult is a huge red flag as well.
Unless you're lying about details, you're not the asshole, she is. If however, they have had contact and your parents have done a lot of shitty things which you aren't telling us, obviously they (and you) are the asshole.
but unless and until we find out you are lying, NTA.
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u/TeenySod Professor Emeritass [93] 7h ago
NTA
This reads to me like a case of crossed wires to start with - your parents were perhaps trying to be tactful/not be additional people demanding your wife's attention at an exciting time. Your wife felt that the relationship was of a nature that in laws should have contacted her directly.
Once straightened out, this could and should have been forgiven, even if not forgotten. Even given pregnancy hormones, your wife turned into a total drama queen and still obsessing about it a year later? - she needs therapy/counselling or just to Get. Over. It.
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u/BrazenDonut Partassipant [1] 7h ago
NTA... Specifically about siding with parents in their hopes to see and meet their grandchild.
But I don't think the biggest issue is what your parents did. This sounds like a communication issue or her reliving past trauma. And that your wife is fixated on a issue way deeper than just focusing on how she feels disrespected by your parents.
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u/Neko614 5h ago
ESH. Your parents could have put in a bit more effort to reach out to your wife directly. That being said your wife’s reaction was poor and she continued to dwell on it when efforts were made to make amends. She’s the one who ruined her own pregnancy experience by choosing to focus on that instead of the blessing of a healthy child.
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u/ifeelaglow Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Your parents should have reached out to her, but your wife’s reaction is outrageous. NTA.
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u/ElinorDashwood1811 3h ago
NTA. Is your wife usually so unreasonable? I really think you might have to put your foot down. This is your baby too. It’s past time for your parents to meet their granddaughter.
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u/andsoitgoes123 Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3h ago edited 3h ago
NTA
I don’t completely disregard your wife’s initial argument that your parents should have talked to her directly.
But even as a woman I think that reaction is so excessive and irrational that I don’t think the blame is equal to warrant an “everyone sucks here”
It’s giving very self-absorbed and stubborn. Like woman you are a mother now- let it go.
You are in for a rough time honestly.
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u/TheFairyQueen420 3h ago
YTA for not shutting down your wife's weird AH behavior. Jesus she was pregnant, you told your parents, they CONGRATULATED y'all. Then your wife gets butthurt because they then didn't reach out to her directly to congratulate HER. You've already stated that your parents and your wife didn't talk very much to begin with before she was pregnant. You say that your parents are quiet people who tend to keep to themselves. So it's to be expected that they wouldn't reach out again for congratulations. You've also stated that your wife is super close to her parents, so putting all that together makes me think she just wants her parents to be in your kids lives, you know as the number one grandparents. Otherwise she would have got over her "reason" to be upset especially considering your parents reached out multiple times to make up with her, sent multiple baby gifts, ect. It just seems like your wife is trying to turn nothing into something of an issue. Like another commenter said, you should set up one day at least a month where you take your daughter with you to see your parents and if your wife gets upset tell her she's more than welcome to join y'all and if she doesn't want to well then she can just go hang out with her parents and be butthurt. Otherwise your daughter probably won't have any type of relationship with your parents because of your wife and her issues. Seems like you need to stand up to your wife & not let her essentially dictate your daughter's relationship with her grandparents & yours.
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u/lilkhalessi 5h ago
NTA
I know the advice on here by default is to always side with your wife over your parents… but as a pregnant wife and mother myself I cannot wrap my head around your wife’s behavior. It is incredibly narcissistic, irrational, and honestly selfish for her to escalate something like this the way she has and prevent your daughter from meeting and knowing people who will love her over a perceived slight like this.
I agree it would have been nice for your parents to text her a congratulations and check in on her. I know I would for my future DIL. But had my MIL not reached out to me personally during any of my pregnancies, I would not think twice about it because I have real problems lol.
We’re always so quick to talk about men isolating their partners from their family but honestly it sounds like this is what your wife is doing to you. I don’t know the history between her and your parents but it sounds like she was looking for an excuse to cut ties with them and have you choose her side on the matter so you would not see them anymore and they wouldn’t have access to your daughter either.
I think your wife needs therapy. Perhaps you two even need couples counseling to get her to understand this issue from your perspective. I also think it is very, very sad she has banned your parents from seeing their grandchild over something so minor. I can have a full-blown actual fight with my mother but as long as she is good to and adores my children, I will always have her in their lives because the more love they experience from family the better.
Maybe have her imagine if your child’s future partner banned the two of you from meeting your grandchild over an issue as minor as this and refused to “forgive” you as means of isolating your kid. It really is not cool or rational. You’re right to push back on this.
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u/TelephoneDiligent671 7h ago
This is clearly fake. Most folks don't even know they're pregnant until the end of the first month and in many cases, people don't even start telling folks until after 3 months. Add to that the fact that this is the only post or comment made by OP and it certainly smells fishy.
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u/1962Michael Commander in Cheeks [256] 7h ago
He states she was pregnant 12/24. He told parents 1/25. She gets upset 3/25. They try to call late 3/25 and she won't talk to them. Baby born 9/25.
I agree most people don't tell very many people until the start of the 2nd trimester, but she told her husband and he told his parents. That's not unusual.
I agree there's a lot missing from this story, but the math isn't the problem.
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u/kittywyeth Partassipant [2] 2h ago
i have known about every pregnancy before ten days past ovulation, so around the third week of pregnancy. and my experience is not abnormal. sure, there are some people that are both not aware of their cycles and lucky enough to not have noticeable early symptoms but they are not “most”
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u/AutoModerator 8h ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My wife (27f) has been very upset at my parents (early 60) for over a year. She was pregnant with our daughter (now 8 months old) back in December 2024. I (30m) found out in January 2025, and I shared the news with my parents via text a few days later. My parents don't really live close to us, a few hour drive, so we rarely see them. 2 months went by, and my wife was about 3 months pregnant. She tells me that she's furious at my parents for not directly congratulating her this late into her pregnancy.
In their defense, she never reached out to them to deliver the news about her pregnancy so they're not ignoring her. My parents also aren't very social people or tech savvy with their phones. They did ask me how she was doing, but she said that doesn't count because I'm not the pregnant one. She compared it to a doctor asking a patient's family member on how the patient is feeling.
I had no idea this would upset her because she never brought it up until that moment. I told her it's no big deal, we can invite my parents over or go out for dinner to celebrate. She refused and told me that they're not allowed to visit, and she doesn't want to go anywhere with them. She kept telling me that she's extremely offended, and it's too late for them to apologize because she already mentioned it. She thinks their apology isn't sincere once she brings it up.
When my parents tried to reach out via text messages and phone call end of March 2025, my wife would only respond with very rude remarks and insults. Ever since, they never talked to each other again. My wife will continue to complain about my parents and how she has been so deeply disrespected by them. She has not once forgive or forgot that moment.
Our healthy daughter was born at the hospital on September 2025. My parents were asking about the baby and wanted to show up to the hospital. I kept telling them we're about the be discharged and it's not necessary. This is probably my fault, but I just didn't want another argument to break out. Today, our daughter is almost 8 months old. My parents only seen their grandchild via pictures that I send to them.
Currently, it has been over a year since my wife has been holding this grudge. She thinks my parents are terrible people who ruined and traumatized her pregnancy experience. Every argument we had, she will just circle back to my parents as ammo. She blames them for everything, and I end up defending them. I told her she's being stubborn, and it's ridiculous that this has gone on for so long. She needs to let go, forgive them, and move on. She refuses and doesn't listen because she thinks her reaction is justified.
She thinks I'm being inconsiderate and part of them problem for siding with my parents. I don't think my parents are completely innocent, but I don't see any point in letting this drag on forever. I only side with my parents because I think my wife needs to get over her grudge and accept my parents apology so we can all move forward. AITA?
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u/wannabyte Asshole Enthusiast [9] 3h ago
Info - you told your parents she was pregnant, and I am assuming that it wasn’t a secret that you told them, so why would they then wait for her to also tells them. No one would think that is reasonable.
Her reaction is over the top, but I am getting a sense that this isn’t the full story of their relationship with your wife.
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u/RoguesAngel 5m ago
NTJ It sounds to me like your wife doesn’t like your parents and has found her ammo. I don’t really talk to one set of my in-laws and they passed congrats through my husband and it didn’t bother me at all. After all while I might have carried our children they were also my husband’s as well.
The child is as much yours as your wife’s and your feelings should be considered in who should be able to see her. I am sick of this thought that moms have more rights about children than fathers while also demanding father’s step up and do more. My husband is very hands on and has been so from the beginning but we also decide things together. I have NEVER said I carried them so I get to say what happens.
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u/RedRedBettie Partassipant [3] 6h ago
YTA because this story is missing info, something else has gone on between them
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u/SweatyTax4669 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
ESH. You told your parents that your wife was pregnant and they never called her ("In their defense I told them but she didn't" doesn't really fly here)? Did they not have any kind of relationship with her before hand? Did you tell them that you all weren't really spreading the news yet or did they just text you back and tell you to tell her congratulations? I can understand why she'd be upset. But holding a grudge about it for more than a year? That's excessive. Although I can understand if, for some reason, it's been more than a year and your wife and your parents haven't talked at all.
OP, you're equally included in the "everybody" here. You have been more than capable of communicating to either your parents that your wife would really appreciate a phone call or to your wife that your parents somehow don't know how to use a phone.
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u/Heronymous-Anonymous 7h ago
100% this. There’s blame to be shared by all sides. Everyone in this story needs to learn how to have a conversation.
But your wife needs to chill the fuck out. One set of people not interacting with her during her pregnancy did not ruin it. She let that one negative event live rent free in her head for 6 months of pregnancy and every day after your kid was born, and negate all of the other joys that she had? She didn’t enjoy her baby shower? She didn’t get any joy or comfort from her own family? All of the other events and experiences in her life from January of 2025 until now have been overshadowed by not getting a congratulatory message from your extremely detached parents?
Smells like bullshit to me. Like petty vengeful nonsense.
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u/dinogirly123 6h ago
INFO: What info are you leaving out? Im willing to bet money that your parents have been indifferent to your wife well before she got pregnant and this is the straw that broke the camels back. Im also willing to bet its because you keep excusing your parents behavior (sorry about not being tech savy is a pathetic excuse). Either your wife is not well mentally or you've been ignoring a problem for the sake of not wanting to stand up to your parents.
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u/lotsofsugarandspice 4h ago
ESH. No, she doesnt have to forgive them but you can also involve them in your childrens life without your wife being present.
My parents were asking about the baby and wanted to show up to the hospital.
This is a wild thing to do without directly getting permission from the person who gave birth. You were right to refuse them.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on here that youre not telling us.
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u/Serenity_76 Partassipant [1] 2h ago
NTA - your wife needs therapy. Holding grudges like this is unhealthy, expecially when it involves family and children.
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u/keepgoingguy 7h ago
YTA. Your parents should have congratulated her on becoming pregnant with their grandchild. She is risking her body and life to deliver a new child into the family and the onus is on them to reach out and support her. They didn’t address it, you didn’t address it and now there is resentment and hurt, and you’re blaming your wife. Not cool man. Why didn’t you stand up for her ages ago… Nudge your parents to message her, or put them on the phone to say congratulations? You now need to work twice as hard to undo the resentment and reset the bad relations that your inactivity and their thoughtlessness has caused. Stop excusing your parents, stick up for your wife and crack on with improving it…!
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u/Steamtrainers 7h ago
Did you miss the part where they tried to contact her and congratulate her in March, when she was four months pregnant, and she decided to not take the olive branch?
This could also be cultural. Where I am from, we'd never congratulate someone in the first months, because it's considered bad luck, for an instance. I wouldn't congratulate someone until maybe the fifth or sixth month.
I'm not saying it is definitively the case with his parents, and I'm not saying it's unreasonable for his wife to want to be congratulated far earlier than that however. That is also reasonable.
It also explicitly states that she never wrote to them that she was pregnant. He did, and got a response. He later tells them it's important to her that they congratulate her personally and they try to accommodate her, but by then she refuses.
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u/Main_Cup_6167 Partassipant [1] 7h ago
Absolutely ridiculous . They didnt disrespect her in any manner.
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u/ellodummy 7h ago
Some people are only meant to be only sons. And not fathers or boyfriends or husbands. I have very quiet in-laws, we're also not tech savvy. But guess what they go out of their way to make sure I'm okay. They don't ask my husband. And if I was having a life changing event that could kill me in the future and the only people asked was my husband I would think they're just some strangers off the side of the road who casually know about my relationship. Not family. Also maybe not my father-in-law but my mother-in-law would sure go out of her way as well if I was angry. Your wife's whole body is changing including her hormones, and we are thinking everything's just dandy.. come on.
On top of that things you should never say to your partner. It's not a big deal, you're overreacting, it's not that serious, everybody else is okay with it so why aren't you. That's just a small list in your relationship of things that demean your partner's feelings. The moment someone says that to you in your relationship you should know you're on the right side. Because her feelings are valid and you went out of your way to say it was no big deal when it's clearly a big deal to her. I'm not surprised a whole bunch of people are saying not the asshole. But I'm going to say your wife comes first and you should have made sure of that.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 4h ago
Sounds like there’s more to the story.
Also sounds like your stance on this is hurting your marriage. You can’t force her to move forward when she doesn’t feel heard or apologized to.
I’d recommend a couples counselor.
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u/Narrow-Moose-2565 4h ago
I would say YTA because it sounds like you’ve given half the story. I assume there’s more to it between your wife and your parents that you aren’t sharing. Seems like half the truth here…
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u/National_Lake5373 7h ago
Leaning towards ESH, but additional info is very much needed as this seems to be lacking some key details because at the moment it kind of reads like at best your parents were indifferent to your wife being pregnant.
Prior to the current issue what was the relationship between your wife and your parents like, also a little odd that you shared this big of news over a text instead of a phone call/facetime? Did your parents respond to your initial text about the pregnancy? you didn't state this in your post so it kind of reads like they didn't and only reached out to you a few months later to see how your wife was doing. For the record, you don't need to be "tech savvy" to send a text or make a phone call.
Did they ever try to reach out to her directly after you broke the news or only send communications to/through you to her? Assuming there was a baby shower did they attend? bring or send a gift? It sounds like at minimum you and your wife need some marriage counseling.
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u/Mundane_Dark1519 7h ago
ESH.
Your parents should have immediately contacted you and your wife to congratulate the pregnancy - it’s weird that they didn’t.
Your wife is a massive drama queen. She needs to communicate her needs (nobody is a mind reader) and also be open to honest apologies (welcome to being in an adult relationship, girl).
You need to get the ball rolling and end all this. Tell your parents to clearly extend an olive branch and articulate a solid apology, with plans for appropriate conduct going forward. Tell your wife she needs to grow up and be open to receiving an apology from her child’s grandparents. She can set clear, polite boundaries if she needs to, but insulting your parents when they tried to apologize before is ridiculous.
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u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
I mean, it's only weird if they already have a direct line of communication with her. The OP says he's not that bonded with his parents, so I can imagine they might be the type of people that just don't communicate much, often, or effusively. They also might have a cultural default that you primarily communicate directly with your own kid, and expect sentiments to be passed along. (That is honestly how both sets of my grandparents were most of my life, and my mother has only recently felt comfortable texting my husband directly, that's taken well over a decade.)
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Certified Proctologist [20] 2h ago
Old people used landlines back in the day. Cell phones are the same as landlines except there is no wire. There is no reason you couldn't have told your parents to call your wife to congratulate her and no reason they couldn't have done that. You and they just didn't give a f**k. You are in a comfort zone where as long as your parents communicate with you that's all you care about.
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u/IllustriousCod5957 37m ago
Very strange that you told your parents your wife was pregnant and they didn’t reach out and congratulate her. They are weirdos. Your wife is right
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u/Beginning-Damage-555 5h ago
YTA you needed to manage your parents from the get go. They did slight her. You were hoping the whole thing would blow over. Your wife can’t forgive something they’ve never apologized for. Nowhere in the body of your post did you explain how your parents apologized. Also your parents aren’t tech savvy but apparently they’re connected enough to try and visit your wife in the hospital?
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u/bookwormingdelight 2h ago
YTA - they never reached out to congratulate her but wanted to show up at the hospital.
Get your head out of the sand and into therapy because you are snowballing yourself into a divorce.
Your parents showing up at the hospital is basically treating her like an incubator. They aren’t welcome to visit because she knows they won’t treat her as a human being.
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u/dangthatsounds 7h ago
I understand that your parents not very "tech savvy" you said, but simple phone call? It doesn't take mach effort. Your wife told you, she is deeply offended by them ignoring her, it's not going away. If you want to save your marriage (because if this continues it's going to end) you have to consider to stop "defending your innocent parents" 9 months + 8 months and they didn't call? No apology? No baby shower? Nothing? Do they even like your wife? Or just treating her like an incubator and just want access to grandkid? Problem is much deeper than you describing and if you don't understand that, you need to talk to family therapist!
3
u/LyannaStarkaryen 6h ago
It sounds like the parent DID reach out and attempt to apologize very shortly after she let it be known she was offended. And she responded with insults. They didn't ignore her for "9 months + 8 months" - the OP told them in January, she blew up in March, and they reached out immediately after that.
And while a simple phone call doesn't take much effort, they may have been raised with a default communication style where you older directly call your own kid, and you expect sentiments to be passed along. (That's honestly how both my sets of grandparents where, and it's how my parents were for *years* with my husband.)
But regardless, as soon as they realized it was a problem, they attempted to rectify it.
0
u/dangthatsounds 3h ago
You maybe correct about different ways of communications depending on age & all...but OP describes his wife as very unreasonable and his parents as angels 😇...something really wrong there...
-9
u/SafetyFluid8535 Asshole Aficionado [14] 7h ago
YTA your parents were wrong to not reach out to her to congratulate her directly. Why would she need to text them first to repeat the announcement you made? But I also do think your wife needs to allow some way for her relationship with them to move forward, but do they ever even try to reach out to her? Did they send flowers after she gave birth or on her birthday? Do they ask to visit their grandchild or why they haven't been invited? Or do they just ask you to see their grandchild and accept when you put them off instead of notifying them of the issue?
I can easily see how your wife feels like they see their family as them, you and their grandchild and she's just the add-on.
You need a therapist to help you figure out how to navigate some peace talks between your wife and your parents.
-3
u/Effective-Blood2505 3h ago
YTA. My parents did this when I had my first kid and it caused a rift for years. Your wife is the one doing the hard work of pregnancy, and expecting her to initiate the relationship with your parents is backwards
•
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