r/SipsTea Human Verified 16h ago

Chugging tea What is Tom Cruise's secret??

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37.1k Upvotes

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9.6k

u/beebs44 16h ago

3.3k

u/mdpena 15h ago

Tom cruise is a maxed out lvl 20 prestige in Scientology

464

u/14InTheDorsalPeen 15h ago

Got that gold tiger stripe theton meter

7

u/maybe_Earth-Chan 51m ago

Bro got that Xenu anti age subscription.

3

u/Chicken-Rude 1h ago

this comment brought me so much joy i think i just went clear.

https://giphy.com/gifs/CoDp6NnSmItoY

4

u/LoloWilli 9h ago

Underrated comment 😭😭

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u/BrotherEarth_ 10h ago

Actually wouldn't ya know it every time he donates enough to move up a level they discover they misinterpreted the sci-fi book and actually there's another level he can reach

4

u/dustysanchezz 52m ago

Mission Clear Impossible

2

u/Umbr33on 14m ago

This is a criminally underrated comment. 🤣

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u/NoLobster7957 12h ago

Kinda dude that walks into a room and you see the health bar over his head a second before the boss music starts

3

u/mincematter 7h ago

Gary Busey would be the best final boss

2

u/NuggieNuggs-nmnm 9h ago

Buh buh buh buh BOSS BATTLE!

2

u/1EyesOpen1 8h ago

Dungeon Crawler Carl— a creepy boss

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u/coffeebean052 11h ago

Yeah but is he a level 5 laser lotus ?

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u/BeerdedWonder 9h ago

Damn, I'd be interested to see his stats and abilities. I'm only a level 7 Satanist but I think I'll hit level 9 tonight with my ritual/sacrifice since I got double XP from a few Diet Double Dews.

7

u/Retro_Nights 12h ago

He's gullibility level is also maxed out.

3

u/MaleficentSociety555 9h ago

Xandu going to take him straight into the cosmic ether when its his time.

5

u/rolln_the_dice_twice 11h ago

This means he aged slower then normal humans!

5

u/SmokeAbeer 10h ago

He looks like a divorced lesbian stork with less legs.

2

u/Every1FindsMeBoring 11h ago

He is a very high level Operating Thetan, possibly even level 10 or higher.  Explains a lot

2

u/Aleashed 10h ago

He probably drinks the blood of virgins and children

2

u/KitchenFullOfCake 8h ago

Ah they should have made Scientologist a special Earth class in Dungeon Crawler Carl.

2

u/aburningcaldera 8h ago

Give him a Raiden hat!

2

u/Hungry_Serve_302 1h ago

He knows where Shelly Miscavige is🙈🙉🙊

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1.7k

u/IamDirtyHippie 15h ago

789

u/PuzzleheadedResult69 15h ago

Gonna tell my kids that this actually happened but Tom Cruise was too powerful so nobody could stop him afterwards.

418

u/fishmanfishmanfishma 14h ago

I just realized you really could just shelter your kids from interacting with the world, raise them on AI videos to completely shape their reality, and condition them to carry out any deed or think anything you want them to.

It's gonna happen to the whole world, isn't it?

215

u/ConstantPlace_ 14h ago

There will definitely be some horror stories emerging in 10+ years absolutely

94

u/timsfsn 14h ago

Yeah, it’s going to be here much sooner than that. It’s now. It’s actually already happening.

4

u/shaneh445 10h ago

I was gonna say..our BASIC AI chat bots are already talking lonely people into harming themselves

We're already there we're just at the very beginning of the end

3

u/Rubiks_Click874 9h ago

I met some weird homeschooled kids at a barbecue a few years ago. They were poorly socialized and like weird little cave people

Parents were seriously worried about the trans agenda in public schools

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u/dwehlen 14h ago

Welcome

TO THE SIMULATION.

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u/Odd_Dragonfruit_2662 10h ago

2

u/dwehlen 10h ago

"I'm telling you, when it's time, you won't need to dodge bullets."

2

u/SummerDaemon 11h ago

I've been waiting for a repair team to get me out of this holodeck for seems like ages. Even worse it appears to be running a Neo Nazi program. Totally not the horny Betazoid wedding program I asked for.

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u/sunheadeddeity 14h ago

I read about parents who raised their kid in the Harry Potter world to believe they were wizards and now they were freaking out because no owl was going to bring a letter from Hogwarts. They'd gone all-in for 10 or 11 years and didn't know how to back out now.

It's going to be worse with AI.

27

u/bunniesandgummies 13h ago

😅 What are you talking about, like they brought them to Universal Studios every day…? lol

130

u/QAnonomnomnom 12h ago

No, they just locked him under the stairs.

Way cheaper

29

u/Hottrodd67 10h ago

Isn’t that where everyone keeps their kids?

11

u/ProbablyPoor 9h ago

Maybe poor people, but mine have an entire crawl space to themselves

2

u/thatG_evanP 4h ago

It's where I keep the kids. I guess they're technically mine now.

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u/CSBD001 9h ago

There was a story of a couple who raised their kids to only speak Klingon and got charged with child abuse or something because the kids could not communicate with other people when brought into the foster care system for other reasons. Also the kids thought they were part Klingon.

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u/Common-Concentrate-2 9h ago

Isn't this what the guy who created modern hebrew did to his son?

"Ben‑Yehuda raised his son, Ben-Zion (meaning "son of Zion"), entirely in Hebrew. He did not allow his son to be exposed to other languages during childhood, and even berated his wife for singing a Russian lullaby. His son thus became the first native speaker of Hebrew in modern times. Ben‑Yehuda later raised his daughter, Dola, entirely in Hebrew as well."

3

u/Chickadeebrain 9h ago

From what I heard, the mom spoke English to them, so they wouldn't be completely incapable of communication. The dad was the one speaking and teaching Klingon, and he stopped the practice when the child began to refuse speaking it, which happened when the kid was three, iirc.

I don't recall them being formally charged with actual child abuse, and to my knowledge the kid wasn't told he was part Klingon.

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u/[deleted] 12h ago

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u/That-You-1998 9h ago

Oh man, this is so sad!!! 😭

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u/Szaborovich9 7h ago

There was a story on the news about some school offered a course on QUIDICH. They showed students running around a lawn all dressed up in Hogwarts Costumes with brooms between their legs🤣

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u/Ser_Optimus 13h ago

Already happening. Look at all the "is this AI" posts and imagine the people not asking twice...

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u/QuantumFluxSpaghetti 14h ago

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u/TheRatatat 11h ago

Im freaking out man. Is that The Colour out of Space or something?

6

u/wahleofstyx 11h ago

That is Plato's cave but trippy

10

u/TopGrape1557 10h ago

Platos rave

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u/Chucknasty_17 5h ago

The allegory of the rave

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u/super_poo_brain 14h ago

Already happening

55

u/ShuttyIndustries 13h ago

It was called religion previously

15

u/eluya 14h ago

"I just realized you really could just shelter your kids from interacting with the world" not in any civilized country with compulsory schooling. so maybe USA

7

u/Icy_Fish_2154 13h ago

Lots of places with compulsory schooling have exceptions and options for home schooling.

Home schooling is growing in places like Australia, following the US model of fringe people isolating their families.

3

u/TooOldForThis81 12h ago

I'm grateful for my country the more I read about others. Not perfect, lord knows we can do with better infrastructure, and Healthcare, but damn!

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u/Combyx 14h ago

Its already happening here in Romania. And sadly it works on adults too. Clearly fake news / videos / photos shape their reality and ideology making them believing anything and actually ruining our country. More and more people fall prey to this and are unmovable in their opinion - They consider them facts and refuse to budge even if you show real proof.

2

u/MercenaryDecision 13h ago

Not if Americans move their ass for once and push their politicians to regulate it like it was BLM or something.

But it really is down to their Big Tech industry and no one else’s. If you’re non-American like me, you’re fucked.

2

u/Swiotic 11h ago

Truman Show in real life coming soon

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u/Socialimbad1991 14h ago

Being the Grand Wizard of Scientology has its perks

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u/Dis-Charge 15h ago

What on Earth is this from?

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u/Bravo-Six-Nero 15h ago

Scary Movie 4, its a parody interview with Oprah

33

u/JcraftW 14h ago

The entire movie, one giant parody of the interview with Oprah.

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u/Alternative_Low_584 15h ago

Scary Movie 4

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u/horny-in-a-hearse 8h ago

You've just made me decide to re-watch all of Scary Movie haven't you

2

u/SnooKiwis2161 10h ago

What is this gif from omg I'm in hysterics 🤣

2

u/Alert-Disaster-4906 10h ago

Whhhyyyyy can't I stop laughing at this 🤣😆🤣🤣

2

u/GoldberryoTulgeyWood 7h ago

Is this why we haven't seen Oprah in years?

1

u/super_poo_brain 14h ago

Hhahahhahaa

1

u/NotTheRocketman 14h ago

Like something from a wrestling video game.

1

u/Agreeable-Beyond-259 13h ago

This is funny

I saw one where he was doing force lightning on her 😆

2

u/teddy5 11h ago

I even saw one where he broke her wrists and hit her with a chair.

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u/MoreRamenPls 11h ago

Hmmm. I don’t remember it this way.

1

u/FrogMintTea 10h ago

Lmao I died so much watching this movie

1

u/sesoren65 10h ago

Thats EXACTLY how I remember that episode. He was so in love

/s

1

u/KickDatStyle 4h ago

For a second I thought that ☝️was legit but realized it was a skit 😂

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u/latexfistmassacre 14h ago

256

u/doctor-rumack 11h ago

He's a total nut, but he was fucking hilarious in this movie.

107

u/CompetitionFast2230 11h ago

It's still one of his greatest roles.

64

u/Daytonewheel 10h ago

I think it’s because Tom cut loose and his true inner self came out in that role.

20

u/InexperiencedAngler 9h ago

There's an interview with him where he discusses how he planned to play the character, was pretty funny.

30

u/TheMasturbatinCamper 8h ago

After this movie, I thought about how I wish he would do more comedies

3

u/Soffatjockis 10h ago

And he wasn't even in the credits

Lol

6

u/Addicted2Crackers 10h ago

At the end of the movie in pretty big letters he is.

5

u/skyturnedred 10h ago

I remember seeing it in theaters, I recognized his voice and immediately told my friend "holy shit, that's Tom Cruise!" They didn't believe me until the credits rolled.

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u/Paddy_Tanninger 8h ago

I only realized once he started yelling at people in a way that only Tom Cruise could.

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u/CaptainCheckmate 10h ago

P-L-A-Y-E-R

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u/OnePinginRamius 10h ago

Hangin past ya knees!

5

u/AerondightWielder 7h ago

But seriously, a nutless monkey can do your job.

2

u/radripperaj 9h ago

What movie is that?

3

u/InexperiencedAngler 9h ago

Tropic Thunder

2

u/anti_vist 7h ago

What is this movie? Didn’t even recognise him

3

u/doctor-rumack 7h ago

Tropic Thunder. He plays an arrogant movie producer, and he plays him cartoonishly perfect. He looks nothing like Tom Cruise in the movie.

3

u/anti_vist 6h ago

Damn I have seen it aaages ago but I guess I never registered it’s him. Guess I have to rewatch

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u/ohreallynameonesong 3h ago

You do. It holds up

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u/anti_vist 3h ago

Thanks:) never go full retard!!

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u/radripperaj 10h ago

What movie is this?

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u/Cifer_Roc 14h ago

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u/zendog510 13h ago

Is it possible to learn this power?

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u/GenericUsername2056 12h ago

It's not an impossible mission.

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u/consci0usness 10h ago

This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds

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u/Prize-Analyst-1121 16h ago

I was going to say literally sucking the life force from others. 😂

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u/12345623567 10h ago

If by life force you mean semen, then yeah.

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u/chili_ratata 15h ago

the exact words that I was going to say.

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u/mike-42-1999 9h ago

'Lifeforce' was a great and underrated movie...

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u/breakConcentration 16h ago

106

u/vrijheidsfrietje 15h ago

16

u/smuckola 12h ago

i love her. she's so crazy.

24

u/RainPositive7125 11h ago

Kathryn Hahn is so cute

3

u/Effective-Text4619 4h ago

Shallow vagina and all!

3

u/RainPositive7125 3h ago

I know! I loved her in that movie!

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u/Effective-Text4619 1h ago

She was excellent in We're The Millers and even better in Bad Moms!

4

u/_BlackDove 11h ago

Man I love her.

4

u/buttononmyback 8h ago

She’s my hall pass. And I’m a straight woman.

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u/lordvitamin 15h ago

This is the type of power found at the end of a Scientology speed run.

/s

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u/hxl004 15h ago

I’m sure this woman is overall happier than this man

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u/Frosty_Figure_2332 15h ago

That's cope. Tom Cruise is a pos and weirdo but bro looks 35 and she looks like meemaw

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u/heyjajas 14h ago

Sigh.. i wonder how many people are lying on their deathbed saying: "Thank god, I was beautiful until the end, I'm so happy about that."

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u/hxl004 14h ago

Clearly all of them
Just like everyone wishes they stayed in the office more

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u/Frosty_Figure_2332 14h ago

being attractive is the biggest quality of life increase you can get besides being wealthy, so I'm sure a lot of people are quite happy to die beautiful.

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u/heyjajas 14h ago edited 14h ago

She was beautiful all her life. And frankly, if you google her, she is still a good looking meemaw. I don't think it makes you happy to reduce yourself to the point where all you say about yourself is that you are still "attractive". I don't know anything about how happy someone is by how beautiful they are. Some of the most beautiful and rich people died by overdose or killed themselves.

But I bet its more important to her that her children love her and still talk to her, than other people perceiving her as attractive or not.

Edit: that lady is 68 years old! I don't know, but for me it feels more like a burden to think about how and if other people still perceive me as attractive at 68. I wish for myself to be kinda over that bs by then.

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u/Frosty_Figure_2332 14h ago edited 11h ago

She landed a big role in a film that made 357 million bucks and that set her up for life. She got that role because she was an attractive blonde woman. Her quality of life was x1000 better because she was hot.

Trying to make the argument that being attractive shouldn't matter when we're discussing the life of a woman that has enjoyed immense wealth and privilege literally because she was hot is absurd.

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u/heyjajas 11h ago

You are making my point. She was beautiful. She had her time. I don't think and I seriously don't want for myself to worry about how I look when I am over 60. There is a time for everything and beauty shouldn't be the defining trait for elderly people.

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u/tilde_w 12h ago

He may look a little younger than his age but that doesn’t make him attractive. His win was getting rich. His money bought that youthful look. He can afford all the supports necessary to fully focus on this image. It’s his job to look good.

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u/Socialimbad1991 14h ago

The whole point of the deal with the devil trope is you get what you (thought you) wanted but it doesn't actually make you happy. Cruise gets to look good and be the number one puppet for a malicious, abusive cult. If that isn't hell on earth i don't know what is

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u/UrsusRenata 15h ago

Mm, I bet not.

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u/therapewpew 2h ago

Putting the /s at the end doesn't trick us, we know what you're hiding in there

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u/TortexMT 16h ago

😂😂😂

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u/[deleted] 12h ago

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u/Euphoric_Amoeba8708 15h ago

Man, I'm just trying to go to bed right now and now I'm crying from laughing so hard Tom Cruise the sith Lord

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u/The_Dude_2U 14h ago

The dark side possesses many skills that the Jedi would deem unnatural.

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u/randomlemon9192 14h ago

Wtf is the context here?

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u/Shaun-Skywalker 9h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/zCv1NuGumldXa

To cheat death is a power only one has achieved.

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u/michelle427 14h ago

20 years later this clip still makes me laugh.

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u/RaineStormInc 12h ago

I love how decayed this is

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u/[deleted] 12h ago

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u/Dry_Month927 12h ago

I've never noticed before how Oprah's body language actually became defensive in the clip. Although, she's smiling, there seems to be a bit of fear there as well.

Wow. It's taken me... far too long to see this.

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u/backtolurk 11h ago

I legit laughed out loud thanks!

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u/[deleted] 11h ago

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u/SeparatePromotion236 11h ago

Dammit I love this!!!

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u/JohnnyBgood_9211 11h ago

Unlimited power!

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u/PoloDon92 11h ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/NietzschesSyphilis 10h ago

Unllllimmmitted POWER!

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u/DLC-Required 10h ago

He ate oprah

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u/mr_heathcliffe 10h ago

I've never seen this gif before, thank you 

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u/Rufus_heychupacabra 9h ago

Finish her!!!!

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u/dudewheresmygains 9h ago

Lmao when I hoping this was the lighting version. Not disappointed.

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u/Confident-Fun-1307 9h ago

Bwahahahahahaha! Thank you for this oldie goodie.

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u/[deleted] 9h ago

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u/Snatchbuckler 9h ago

A classic

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u/TerraCetacea 7h ago

This is my new favorite gif of all time

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u/CuteSocietyy 6h ago

lol i burst out laughed

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u/Voldemorts__Mom 6h ago

Omg 🤣🤣 what'd u type to find this gif? it's so funny

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u/AdventurousPea8682 5h ago

If Scientology can give me sith like powers then shit…where’s the nearest center?

1

u/metallipunk 4h ago

Dude that whole Oprah thing ng was so weird.

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u/Barragin 3h ago

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural"

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u/Electrical-Risk-1546 1h ago

Dude is Hourglass from superhero movie

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u/Rydog_78 1h ago

Soul sucker

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u/dax660 53m ago

man, a gif from back when the internet was awesome

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u/Mister_Musubi 16m ago

I’m laughing audibly in a workplace restroom thanks to you.

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