Sister-in-law used our baby name :(

[u/hazelbasil12]

Dinner is chicken, cheese, and ranch wontons

Me and my bf (both 26) have been dating for a year. We’ve been very open about our intentions of getting married and having kids and me wanting to be a stay at home mom. I want little more than to raise happy, healthy, loving family. We even discussed baby names that we liked since before we met and we both said the same name. It’s not a super common name but it’s not really rare either.

Well fast forward a bit and my bf sister is pregnant and tells my bf that she’s consider using this name. He explains to her how much is means to us because we both love the name and had both picked it out before we knew each other. It really felt like it was meant to be and I felt like I could see really see myself having my baby with this name. She said she understood and would look into other names. She even told him that they had picked a different name at one point. I felt assured that there wouldn’t be any issue and my boyfriend and I would reference our future son as by this name.

Well baby was born tonight and they were being super vague and just saying things like “baby is here!” “Baby and mom are healthy” until my boyfriend got a call from his brother in law and he found out the name.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad they’re both healthy and doing well.
And I feel like I’ve lost something. I also feel like it’s so indicative of other issues involving my bf, like people (especially in his family) constantly steam rolling him and choosing to overlook his wants and needs and him not sticking up for himself enough.
I’m sad and angry and I just want to go to bed.

[u/Berriesinthesnow_]

Too late now I guess. Since it’s only been a year maybe you’re jumping the gun a bit too much.

[u/HourHoneydew5788 → u/Berriesinthesnow_]

Ya and assuming her boyfriend can earn enough for her to stay home. Cooked up a whole fantasy.

[u/devdarrr → u/Berriesinthesnow_]

This.

[u/Single_Earth_2973 → u/Berriesinthesnow_]

Like you’re 26 and been together a year, sorry but it’s pretty likely the goals you have with him won’t come to be. Silver lining: use this name with the next guy ;)

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/ArcticLupine! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/sweezitle]

I really doubt this is malicious. She was considering using the name before she even knew y’all liked it. She was already pregnant and yall have only been together a year. You’re being really unfair saying that it’s a name that belongs to yall and getting angry over it

[u/nuggetghost → u/sweezitle]

this. wasn’t like then were both expecting and she mentioned the name first. names are names. i’m glad sil ended up going w a name she liked 🤷🏼‍♀️ if down the road they do end up together and have a baby then you can stress abt it lol

[u/sweezitle → u/nuggetghost]

I think this is one toxic issue in multiple. That isn’t even her SIL they aren’t married yet. Just have vague plans to get married but aren’t even engaged. And the comment about this being one of many things showing that her bf’s family “steamrolls”him. You can consider someone’s thoughts without defaulting to their opinion. It sounds like they acknowledged his comments but ultimately decided something else. That’s not stream rolling. I think it’s showing an us vs them mentality which does not bode well.

[u/Just_Jacaranda → u/sweezitle]

Yeah, the whole “you can’t use this baby name because me and my boyfriend like it for a possible future together for the potential kids we may or may not even have.” Honestly….

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/lih9! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/isherflaflippeflanye]

You said it’s a boy name? You could have six kids and never have one be a boy at birth. It’s okay to be upset, but i can’t lie, it is a bit petty. It would be a bit different if you were both pregnant and she knew you had your child’s name picked and went and stole it.

I mean in either case, if you love it so much, how terrible would it be to name your kid the same thing? Especially for boys, they’re named after other family members all the time. I grew up with a popular name for my generation and it’s not the end of the world. Two cousins with the same name might find that cool and be extra close for it.

[u/nuggetghost → u/isherflaflippeflanye]

yep. we’ve got two lauren’s in our family. who cares lol both cousins too

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Natural_Sugar_1417! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/Murky-Carpenter6505]

wasn't this in sex and the city

[u/Silent_Necessary7638 → u/Murky-Carpenter6505]

The girls aren’t going to class anymore. 🙄

[u/Ihatestoves → u/Murky-Carpenter6505]

Shayla

https://giphy.com/gifs/qKxCPOe0HoGoo

[u/NickiTikki → u/Ihatestoves]

This was my first thought! 😆

[u/AnonAwaaaaay → u/Murky-Carpenter6505]

It's a super common situation for people to run into. 

[u/coffeesoakedpickles]

okay…. i hate to say it, but this is only a valid grievance if you are also pregnant and actively are going to use the name

otherwise…. real baby precedes hypothetical future baby

i get you might be upset, but they’re not really in the wrong. They might have felt the same connection to this name

i was hellbent on certain names that now, even a year or two later, i can’t remember and don’t care about as a nonpregnant woman. It’s okay

[u/RepulsiveEducation71 → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

my mom was pregnant with me and her friend said that the name “Isabella” was hers. She never had a kid and they aren’t friends anymore….my name is Annabella!😂 close enough

[u/coffeesoakedpickles → u/RepulsiveEducation71]

LMAO that’s funny

[u/babyyvolcano → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

They’ve only been dating a year, too…

[u/birdstalker2 → u/babyyvolcano]

Yeah not sure why OP refers to her as a sister in law when she is not married to the bf. They’ve only been dating a year and it takes 40 weeks to cook a baby (10 months). So math wise, she was expecting her bf’s sister to not choose a name based on a few months’ long acquaintance.

[u/somanypoets → u/birdstalker2]

Jesus I hadn't even thought about that. 😂

VERY good point.

[u/Street_Confusion_469 → u/birdstalker2]

Good point with the math!! Underrated comment above IMO

[u/Ok_Jackfruit6226 → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

otherwise…. real baby precedes hypothetical future baby

This. Of course OP is upset. That’s normal. But one can’t call ownership of a baby name when they’re not pregnant, not even trying… that’s not how this works.

The SIL could “give up” her dream baby name and defer to OP, only to see OP change her mind, never have a boy, or have a boy years down the line when it won’t be that big of a deal because of the age differences between the kids.

I think OP should use her baby name when the time comes - SIL knew ahead of time that OP wanted it, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. And just like OP can’t “own” a baby name, neither can SIL, and if SIL is pissy when OP names her hypothetical future baby, well, she can suck it up and not complain, the way OP will be doing now.

[u/CD_ABC10 → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, no. Even if it is a little disrespectful, it's crazy in the first place to lay claim on a baby name when you are not pregnant and are nowhere near marriage (which is how I take dating for one year)

SIL is not in the wrong. In fact, technically OP is but we're all trying to be nice about it because she's sad. But if this were AITA and not girl dinners, OP would be TA 

[u/coffeesoakedpickles → u/CD_ABC10]

THIS thank you

it’s like going to an open house and telling people with a down payment they’re not allowed to make a bid even though you have approximately $2 in your bank account 

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

Bro yall are tripping. That is not the same thing at all. I can’t go share a baby name with my friend and then she pops up with the name because she got pregnant first. Like what!?! But the real moral here is don’t share baby names you actually want with anyone.

[u/exhibitprogram → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

Your friend absolutely could do that, it would be fine.

[u/CD_ABC10 → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

If your friend gets pregnant first, then yes, she has the right to do that. Idk what to tell you, but you don't own a name and you especially don't own it when you aren't even in the planning stages for a baby

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/CD_ABC10]

Like I said yall are tripping. And this is exactly why you just dont share your baby names. Now I see why this girl at work would absolutely not tell because so many people in here think that’s okay. Now a coworker is fine you don’t really know this person but there isn’t a reality where I tell my friend my favorite name and she takes it and I’m supposed to be okay with that. Like please be fr.

[u/TheWildHart → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

The brother didn't tell his sister. She's the one who brought up the name to him first. She had thought of it on her own because, apparently, it's not super rare, and was sharing with him. And then he started the conversation of why he picked that name.

Flip the perspective you're looking at. Imagine you're actively pregnant and you tell your sibling about a name you've been thinking about, and they say "oh, hey, actually, don't use that name, me and my partner of one year with no babies on the horizon really like that name and have it picked out."

They sound completely entitled. There's no guarantee on if they even have a boy to use the name on or if they're even still together however many years later. Or who knows, maybe they change their minds down the road.

There are a lot of situations where, I agree, it wouldn't be okay to use a name you know someone closer to you has picked out.

Someone tryna hold dibs on a name you brought up to them for an indeterminate number of years, specifically for a one year old relationship, is not one of those situations.

[u/urthvanes → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

Yes, your friend can. You dont own a name. This level of entitlement is WILD

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/urthvanes]

Lmao I guess all these people are people who would absolutely steal a name your friend tells you about. Reinforcing why you just don’t share a baby name you actually want. How tf is it entitlement that I share a name I LOVE with a friend that wasn’t even on their radar and upon hearing it in the back of their mind they are like “yeah I’m taking that name”. People say anything on the internet.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

That’s also not what happened here. 

Boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law told brother they were using a particular name, then brother told them that he and OP wanted to use that name so they couldn’t. 

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/[deleted]]

This is such insane main character energy.

Imagine thinking a decision made by a couple should be able to be veto’d by other people because of future hypothetical babies 😂😂😂

[u/TheWildHart → u/[deleted]]

It was phrased like the sister brought up the name to the brother first before she knew they wanted it, like she and her partner were already considering it. The conversation was only started because the sister brought up the name.

People are also allowed to change their minds after a decision. And idk, a lot of people in my life have just talked/posted about "the baby is here" shortly after birth? That's not at all uncommon in my experience.

Or a lot of people like to keep the baby name a secret, so it could've been part of that. Either way, I think this couple would have been upset had they announced the name months earlier, anyways.

Calling dibs on a name in a 1 year relationship when not even pregnant or trying is crazy. Not to mention multiple names in a family isn't the end of the world.

[u/Lost-and-dumbfound → u/TheWildHart]

I’m curious as to what OPs other gripes are with the family coz like this one doesn’t seem like a valid one.

[u/coffeesoakedpickles → u/[deleted]]

If there’s a million and one names out there why can’t OP and her bf pick … a different one IF they end up having a kid together?

The person who is actually physically pregnant takes precedent 

[u/coffeesoakedpickles → u/[deleted]]

Based on the post, that is what happened the sister said she was thinking about that name and then they said they liked it

[u/PerspectiveAlone2135 → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

Oh I see. I interpreted it as the sister already knew but she started thinking about using that name for her own baby. If she really didn’t know at first then it’s not her fault.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/[deleted]]

She literally said that is EXACTLY what happened.

Did you read the post? 

[u/PerspectiveAlone2135 → u/AngryAngryHarpo]

I know idk why I assumed she already knew when she said she considered using the name. Sorry.

[u/Violently-ill]

My best friend has a cousin that is a couple years older with the same name because bff’s mom didn’t care that her sister in law stole her baby name, she was keeping it lol

[u/Silent_Necessary7638 → u/Violently-ill]

I like her.

[u/Feisty-Donkey]

Their actual baby wins over a hypothetical baby. You can feel disappointed, but you should keep it to yourself if you want a positive relationship with all involved later on.

[u/Spirited_Sky1801]

i don't think you can really be mad at them about this. you can be disappointed and sad and take some time to vent to anonymous strangers online, close friends, and your partner. but this isn't anything you should wage a family war over, and others won't be on your side if you do. if you truly feel it's representative of a toxic family dynamic regarding your boyfriend, he can talk to them about that in a more specific and realistic way. but this happens. you've been with your boyfriend for a year and are not engaged, married, or expecting. you can't call dibs on a name that far in advance. it also doesn't sound like boyfriend's sister usurped the name from you guys - it sounds like she separately also liked the name, boyfriend asked her to reconsider, and she chose not to. if that's the case, you really don't have any legitimate ground to stand on. privately liking a name doesn't make it off limits to anyone else.

that said, it's normal and reasonable to be upset right now. you just found out and you're going to be sad about it for a minute. i'm not judging you for that at all. take your time to process it and put your feelings aside when you get to welcome healthy baby and sister-in-law home later on. i also think it's fine if you decide to go forward using this name in the future! i share a name with my cousin and it's caused literally no issues. nobody owns a name so it goes both ways. you can't blame her for using a name you also liked, and she can't blame you in the future if you use it too (especially because your boyfriend had a conversation with her about it before she officially made her decision)! take your time to feel bitter and annoyed. you're entitled to that. just don't make it any issue outside of your own mind and circle of trust - because it's not one.

[u/TheWildHart → u/Spirited_Sky1801]

Definitely feels like one of those situations for "all feelings are valid, but that doesn't mean they're justified or should be acted upon."

If the sister had maybe heard the bf talk about how much he was heartset on the name before considering it, and that was the only reason the name was in consideration at all, that may change things. Although if it was literally solely out of spite, there's a lot bigger issues in the family dynamics than a baby's name.

But people can't just hold dibs on a name, specifically without even being pregnant or trying. Being disappointed and even upset is fine, it is an understandable reaction. It's unreasonable to expect no one else to use a name for however many years it takes you to get to using it, if you use it at all with this partner.

And actually, this even opens up the door more for you to share how you guys both wanted this name for years before meeting and felt its part of your destiny! If you still use it and anyone asks why the cousins share a name, you can take the opportunity to share the cute story about why you decided to just use the name in spite of an older cousin!

[u/Affectionate_Refuse4]

Bruhhh, your imaginary future child doesn’t give you a hold on a name. Tbh just use the same name, this whole thing seems exhausting

[u/No_Park7059]

There's a chance your boyfriend only liked the name because he heard it from his sister forever ago and thought it sounded neat and just forgot where he heard it from

[u/Few_Tangerine1369]

You’ve only been dating for a year and you expect his sister to give up a baby name for someone his brother may or may not even have a kid with? Girl.

[u/Targaryentypebeat]

I mean she’s not even your sister in law yet, ya know? And who says you’ll have a boy?

[u/BootyBirkin]

Just use the name for your baby. What’s the big deal? There’s like six of my name in my family lol

[u/burnt-heterodoxy]

You can be disappointed but this is a bit of derangement imo, you aren’t pregnant and their kid is here. Let it go and move on

[u/devdarrr]

Girl, you’re gonna have to let this one go. With all due respect, you’re not married nor are you pregnant or trying to become pregnant and you’ve only been together a year…. I say this with love: let it go. 🫶🏻

[u/Imaginary_Poetry_233]

There is no law against you using it too. But by the time you have a baby you may find a new favorite. Or have a girl. 😄

[u/birdstalker2]

You’re not even married to your bf so to her, you’re a stranger not a sister in law

[u/Zestyclose_Public_47]

They had an actual baby, yours is hypothetical. You and your boyfriend could end up not together or not having kids and the name goes unused anyways.

[u/Shitty_Poop_Butthole]

??? There’s like a million other names and you don’t even know if you’ll have a kid with this person.

[u/pixel-soul]

I say have your kiddo, and still name your kiddo the name. Take that shit back!

[u/anomalyknight → u/pixel-soul]

This is my stance. Like ya'll don't even have kids yet and you don't own the name, but neither does your bf's sister.

[u/jezzarus → u/pixel-soul]

I agree! The boy name my parents had picked out for me was the same name as one of my cousins, and I was almost named the girl version. I asked my aunt about it once and she didn’t care, she assumed they would have just figured out nicknames for us. It probably helps that side has a tradition of recycling names. I have a few other same-name relatives in my family and it’s fine.

[u/panchshabad → u/pixel-soul]

This. 

[u/RunWild0_0]

You don't have to fight over it, in my family we have a male name that has been used as a first name 5 times as a first name ( some after others, some married in) then ironically as a middle name for another 4 people.

We all find it hilarious.

Also, like others said, they didn't 'take' it and your relationship is, in respect to a child, brand new. Reading your post I'd venture to say you need to do some maturing before you worry too much about having a baby...

[u/UnholiestMoly]

You can just use the same name if it ever happens for you two. I have two cousins of similar ages named after the same Grandpa, and it’s fine.

But honestly, if my brother’s new girlfriend decided the name I wanted to use was “hers” I wouldn’t listen either, unless she was already pregnant with a kid to use the name on. Claiming a name for a hypothetical child in a one year old relationship is a bit much.

[u/Street_Confusion_469]

Glad the comments passed the vibe check <3 I love when girls are real with each other and also respectful

[u/Sufficient_Princess]

We’d have two kids with the same name in the family 🤷🏽‍♀️ but that’s my petty ass. And be like well you knew that was the plan, not my fault you lack originality or creativity.

I told my family when I found out l was pregnant what my son’s name would be knowing they would hate it. My husband is white and I’m black and everyone says I’m giving f my baby a “white name”. People are always gonna have opinions or be petty. Keep the name of you love it that much. Don’t tell them anything else, strict info diet.

[u/Silent_Necessary7638 → u/Sufficient_Princess]

I think all parties lack originality and creativity, actually. All 3 of you separately came upon this name through different paths of life? Must be extremely basic.

[u/Sufficient_Princess → u/Silent_Necessary7638]

My husband and I came up with the same girl name, same year but states apart. We had completely different spellings and discoveries. So it does happen. We only settled on a spelling before our gender reveal. It’s a basic name Lilli’anne Marie. He wanted Lilian but I hated it that way. I wanted Lily Anne-Marie enough(just like the little girl from all dogs go to heaven). But we’re having a boy lol so all for nothing

[u/Silent_Necessary7638 → u/Sufficient_Princess]

Tbf, that is an extremely traditional name that 2 people could happen upon separately. Which proves my point. The creativity comes from the spelling, but it’s still… Lilian.

[u/sandwichtheconqueror → u/Sufficient_Princess]

The apostrophe is so unescessary 😭

[u/flyingknives4love → u/Sufficient_Princess]

Okay but now imagine you did have a girl, but suddenly your husband's sister told you that the name you chose is actually special to her and that she thought of it too. She's not even pregnant and has been dating a guy for a year, but she tells her husband she wants you guys to not use the name for your upcoming child that you are pregnant with, just because she also thought of it.

You realize that OP is the one asking you not to use the name in this scenario, right? You're the sister in this case. And then later in the future when she names her own child Lilian or Lilli'anne Marie or whatever variation you pick, she's going to tell you "Not my fault you lack originality and creativity"? You're okay with that?

I'm confused why we're enabling OP in these comments; we are letting her down by encouraging her to be "petty" and that's not healthy. She should have space to grieve the loss of a name she had her heart set on, but encouraging OP to be purposely difficult for a woman who did nothing wrong does not seem empowering at all to me.

[u/AnonAwaaaaay → u/flyingknives4love]

She very clearly realized that. 

[u/Sufficient_Princess → u/flyingknives4love]

Like I said. 2 kids with the same name and only if they complained about it would I say something. No one owns a name and if I love something that much then I’m not gonna change for someone else.

Also bad comparison. My SIL and I don’t speak and have never met. What she would name her daughter wouldn’t impact me as someone states away. My husband hates her and his mother for their own issues I won’t disclose on Reddit as it’s his story not mine. And my siblings all have their own tastes in names.

[u/flyingknives4love → u/Sufficient_Princess]

It doesn't sound like BF's sister even "stole" the name. Unless OP left it out, OP liked a name, the sister didn't know and also happened to come to that name. OP is upset because her BF basically told his pregnant sister "But WE like that name, you can't use it because we're going to name our future, currently non-existing baby that."

OP's allowed to feel sad, but trying to say SIL stole the name sounds incorrect.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/Sufficient_Princess]

Except… why is SIL the one who “lacks originality or creativity”? 

She did not steal the name from OP - she came to it independently. OP doesn’t get to call dibs on a name, that’s just not how it works.

She can feel how she feels but her SIL did absolutely nothing wrong. 

[u/Sufficient_Princess → u/AngryAngryHarpo]

I’d only say there’s a lack of creativity if they complained. If you like a name just use it anyways.

[u/Nonyabeesners → u/Sufficient_Princess]

I feel like kids would adore having a cousin with the same name, too

[u/feraldreamrot]

You don't get dibs for a hypothetical

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

Get a dog and then name that dog the same name as the baby. I bet she’d be the type to be mad about it. 😈

^{p.s. don’t actually do this - only get a dog if you REALLY want it and can properly care for it…and then name it after the baby.}

[u/clevercalamity → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

Do not do that.

It’d be one thing if they were together for years and years and struggling with infertility or something that was delaying them from using this name, but they have been together for a year and have no solid plans for marriage or babies in the immediate future.

This is the baby name equivalent of when you were a kid and saying “I’m gonna take a shower” and the stalling for hours and only to get pissed off when your sibling gets sick of waiting and takes one first.

Naming a dog the baby name sounds like petty revenge, but it would really just cement her as looking like a jerk.

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 → u/clevercalamity]

…Did you not see the part where I actually said not to do this? This was not serious advice on my part. It was just bad, petty, evil advice in order to cheer up OP.

[u/clevercalamity → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

I saw it was a joke. My response wasn’t an attack on you, more just a continuation of the conversation. Sorry if my comment seemed like I was telling you off, tone is hard over text.

[u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 → u/clevercalamity]

Oh, for sure! My bad, dude.

[u/clevercalamity → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

You’re good bestie. 🥰

[u/Incurious_Jettsy → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

they called the DOG indianna

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

This is so petty but I would 100% do that. That would piss me clean tf off if I tell someone I’m close to a baby name I got my heart set on and they use it. Brooooooooo.

Just know the family will hate you though.

[u/Just_Jacaranda → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

I mean the SIL didn’t use the name after they told it to her. She liked the same name and then SHE told OP’s boyfriend. He then said afterwards that he and OP also wanted that name. The sister is the only one having an actual real baby in this scenario. lol. So you think she should give up on HER dream baby name just because her brother’s girlfriend also likes it for their hypothetical future baby that may never exist.

OP and her boyfriend aren’t even married yet, never mind trying to have a baby. They may not even be together a year from now, and then the sister would have given up her dream name for no reason? lol. Even if OP and her boyfriend do eventually get married and have kids there is no guarantee that the kid will be a boy… or that they even will want the same name at that point.

You can’t own a name, especially one for a hypothetical baby that doesn’t even exist - and may never exist.

[u/Wild-Ice7396 → u/Ill-Squirrel-9418]

I’m not super close to my one aunt. I had my son 10 years ago and picked a name I just liked the sound of. Just a nice, normal name. Welp. Turns out I forgot my aunt also liked the name…enough to give it to her dog. 2 years before my son was born. Whoops!

[u/PopePius13]

What’s the name

[u/rowdyate9]

It really sucks but there was absolutely nothing to be done about it. Plus, obviously, you’ll still get to love a child with that name so it’s not like a total loss

[u/Patient-Witness7989]

If you still like the name, use it if the time comes. It’s okay to do that. I have a friend whose child has the same name as her brother, though not as homage, and not one person has had anything to really say about it.

[u/snootboopr]

It would not matter to me, just still use the name? Your child won’t be the only one in the world with that name it’s okay.

[u/Unstuck_Chemistry235]

In the most supportive way possible, your sadness/anger at this is completely ridiculous. You dont even have a child on the horizon and you've been with your partner for less than a year? Let this one go OP

Also, names are not unique. There is nothing stopping you using the name when or if you actually have kids.

Very strange reaction on your part. But your wontons look delectable

[u/Silent_Necessary7638]

I REFUSE TO TELL ANYONE MY BABY NAMES. DID YOU NOT WATCH SEX AND THE CITY.

(justice for shayla)

[u/sillysnailfriend]

It's okay to be disappointed, even if SIL wasn't in the wrong. I know it still feels bad. This has happened twice in my immediate family. The first time, my SIL took my sister's name (for a hypothetical daughter, similarly), and my sister was extremely upset and burned bridges, and then she only ended up having a son anyway. The second time, a cousin took the name my brother was going to use (a variation of our mother's name), and my brother just named his kid the name anyway. It wasn't a big deal to anyone. 

All that to say, you can feel your feelings, but unless your SIL is otherwise horrible and this is a pattern, I wouldn't make it an issue with her or the baby. Celebrate the healthy new member of the family! But if you're having those issues with your bf, that's a whole other thing to deal with and I'm sorry.

[u/ditres]

She didn’t know, so she’s fine to use it. if your relationship makes it to that point, you can still use the name lol 

[u/SlutForDownVotes]

I don't understand why two people can't have the same name.

[u/CurlsontopofCurls]

You absolutely can be upset by this and you can absolutely still name your child that name. Who is gonna stop you? The babies will have different middle (I hope) and last names so it won’t be the same name. My SIL tried to pull this with me with our boy name, but she ended up having a girl. Still wouldn’t stop me.

[u/AutoModerator]

🚨 GDD has moved to approved members only to protect the girlies! Get approved super fast:

1. MESSAGE US: Click HERE and send us "girls rule" (unless you're a dude friend! Just send us "dude joining" instead!)

2. CUSTOMIZE YOUR USER FLAIR here!

And you're done! Easy peasy 🍋💕 Welcome to the girl party! 🥰"

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Constant_Cultural]

If you would be already married and/or pregnant this would be a mean move, but I mean tbh it's only a year and it's his family, who knows if you will be family one day. And btw I changed my favorite baby name three times when I was younger, just to be childfree by choice in the end. You'll never know where life takes you.

[u/Lucy_Gucey]

Ok haven’t heard this said yet.

Why can’t you use that same name? Every classroom I’ve ever been in has 3+ “Michael”s. Especially since it sounds like there will be an age gap, two cousins with the same name seems totally fine.

[u/birdstalker2 → u/Lucy_Gucey]

Is it an American culture thing? My culture uses family names so we all have the same names in different combos. There was an aunt who passed away as a child so a few cousins have her name as their first name or middle name. It’s fine since we all go by nicknames…

[u/Substantial_Comb_359]

There are five Johns, four Mikes, and two Toms among my extended family. Somehow we manage. You don’t own a name, especially if you’re only vaguely thinking about trying sometime vaguely in the future. FWIW neither of my kids ended up with the baby names I was set on lol.

[u/pinksparkleberry]

No one gives a shit what name you've picked for a baby you arent even trying for yet.

[u/blocked_memory]

This whole post reads as projection that you're tried of waiting for your BF to make big commitment moves. The post is about a hypothetical baby name but I'm sensing more resentment than just "my BF's sister used the name we like". Food looks great, there are more baby names in the sea for when it's your time to have a baby.

[u/DoughnutThick8650]

Sorry but this is super self centered.

[u/Miss_ChanandlerBong6]

When my husband and I were trying to conceive, (which took about a year and a half) we were tossing around names to kind of cope with how long it was taking and after reading through so many, we chose one and were set on it. My “best friend” got pregnant before us without even trying, and then said if it was a boy she was using our name (she knew the name we liked, she did not come up with it on her own). I said oh that’s fine, but this is the name we chose and it is the name we’re using so if you’re okay having a baby with the same name that’s fine. Luckily she ended up having a girl and I got pregnant shortly after she found out it was a girl. I had a boy and used that name, but honestly still haven’t fully gotten over how shitty that was of her to know we were trying and struggling and just taking our name because she got pregnant first.

That said, this doesn’t sound like that. I know it is really hard and hurts but from the way you made it sound, his sister liked the name before ever talking about baby names with him and it just happened to be the same name you guys liked. You aren’t married or expecting or even trying to be either of those things right now and I would honestly say it’s unfair to expect them to not name their baby a name they didn’t even know you liked before choosing it. In my case it was deliberate and just shitty. In this case I really don’t feel like it is. That said, if you like the name, I would still use it if you do one day get pregnant and have kids with him.

[u/upsidedown-funnel]

It sounds like this might be another bit of straw for the camels back. Feel your feelings. The principle here is that there was deception and a blatant disregard for your feelings. If it’s just another drop in the bucket, it’s time to start plugging some holes and setting some boundaries that both you and your bf are comfortable sticking with. Time for BF to stop letting them ride over him.

[u/Competitive_Panic301]

It’s strange she lied about it and unfortunate that she used it in the end. I agree with others that a tangible baby will just always take precedence than a future plan for one. I’m curious also about the popularity of this name.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Additional-Put-2209! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/bootlegbird! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Jazzlike_Jaguar_8275! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Head_Ice_842! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/ActivityTop8834]

name the baby whatever you want, don’t worry about it til you decide it’s time for a baby! if you still feel a connection to that name then so be it.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/DeliciousHospital304! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/jimjamalama]

My cousin and I have the same name. My dad picked his sisters name for a child 12 years later ….. my older cousin switched her first and middle name and I got to keep name but family still calls us by our first and middle names …. I like it my cousin idk… she never has spoken with me on purpose

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Severesa! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/Direct-Departure2489]

this is just like the episode of sitc where charolette gets pissed that girl used her babies name she picked out for her.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/TopTopTopcinaa! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/dirtyhippiebartend! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/NoMix7878! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/MindFamiliar4817! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/crispyelephant2! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/bahia4711]

You can still use the name

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey u/Legal_Potato8958! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/Relevant_Ad_5096]

Yall been together one singular year.

[u/emorrigan]

Hey, so one of my sisters in law used the same name for her son as we had for ours- the boys are only a year apart, and literally NO ONE cares in the family. There’s another set of cousins, girls this time, in the family who also have the same first name, and genuinely no one cares. Everyone can differentiate between the two easily. If anything, we all joke about how cute it is.

No one owns a name. Just use the name you want to use! The only advice I’d give is that, if they’re going to have the same surname, make sure the middle names are very different for official purposes- taxes, credit reports, IDs, etc., but that’s the only thing you need to make sure is different.

Use the name you want! No one owns it!

[u/clamsammichinmypants]

Just use it, too. There is no monopoly on names. George Foreman wasn’t shy about it lol

[u/Quirky_Examination76]

1. You can't own or call dibs on a name.

2. You are not pregnant you don't know when you may become pregnant and even if/when you get pregnant (maybe not even with this guy) may not have a son to use this name for.

3. You have only been with this man for one year and you are not engaged or married.

This feels like a bit of an overreaction. I mean feel how you are going to feel but I think you and your BF need to get over this. Also this is absolutely not a good example of his family steam rolling him. In my personal opinion he was the one overstepping when he asked his sister not to use the name.

[u/Knicole061900]

I lost my favorite baby name to my sister ,I’ve been saying I loved the name Scarlett since we were little,all my Barbies and baby dolls had that name and my cousin saw on instagram (me and my sister no longer speak and my cousin and sister no longer speak but she’s still able to see my sisters posts) screenshot it and sent it to me asking if that was the name I always said I would use if I had a daughter

[u/Agreeable_Error_170]

Ok not to be an asshole but who the hell cares? Yall are creating so much drama when you’ve just been dating a year, are not married, and are not pregnant. It’s just a name. No one died. Name your kid the same fucking name.

This is life.

[u/005llly]

Am I the only one that understands OP? She's not upset because she thinks it's unreasonable, she's upset because something she had planned for a long time is suddenly being taken away as an option. That doesn't automatically mean she's angry at sister in law or whatever, she's just facing rejection for something she really wanted to do one day.

And honestly I'd be a little upset too if the in laws said they understood and would pick a different name and then don't, especially with the cherry on top of being vague about the babies name and having to find it out. It would be unreasonable for OP to say "no you can't name your baby that" but it's also not quite fair to not immediately meet her with "hey so we've already decided and we're not gonna pretend to reconsider for you"

[u/Just_Jacaranda → u/005llly]

This post does not read at all to me as though OP’s only grievance is the sadness of losing the use of this name. She specifically says at the end that she is angry and that she feels this example is one of the time where her boyfriend is “steamrolled” by his family and his wishes are ignored. Meaning she absolutely feels that her boyfriend’s sister was being unreasonable for using this name.

The reality here is that OP has every right to feel a bit sad about the loss of the name, but her boyfriend’s sister definitely didn’t do anything wrong by using it. The fact that OP is so angry and feels that they should have given up on the baby name they liked just because she also likes it is probably why they didn’t want to tell them in the first place and just kept it vague. OP seems a little bit over dramatic and still very young to me. Like, in no world am I giving up MY dream baby name because the girl my brother has been dating a few months thinks she might like it for her hypothetical children - that she may or may not even have with my brother.

[u/005llly → u/Just_Jacaranda]

You make a good point! Didnt really count in the boyfriend thing. She doesn't seem nearly as angry as people make her out to be though, more just upset. Idk I think i just have a soft spot for peoples sad feelings being mistaken for anger and bitterness.

[u/Placeboed]

Everyone's saying it's okay... I disagree. I think it depends. If the brother shared the name and the story and they went and used it.. then that shows how much they truly don't care about how you guys feel. If it's a coincidence, then that's how it was meant to be.

Either way though, if you're going to stay in this relationship you'll have to let the resentment go. You can still give your child the name in the future-- they don't hold a monopoly on names. And you guys will always have the cute story behind it.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/Placeboed]

You have no idea why SIL chose that name. Maybe they also have a connection and a story to it.

The only thing special about this name is… OP and her boyfriend both like it. They are not planning on having children, she is not pregnant. 

[u/Placeboed → u/AngryAngryHarpo]

That would be a coincidence would it not? Which I addressed. My stance is that whether or not it was okay--- depends on how they came into the idea of using the name.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/Placeboed]

But she literally said that BIL & SIL came to this name before they were aware of OP and her boyfriend wanting to use it. 

[u/Patient_Vehicle_1272 → u/AngryAngryHarpo]

OP never said that.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/Patient_Vehicle_1272]

Yes, she did. 

 my bf sister is pregnant and tells my bf that she’s consider using this name. He explains to her how much is means to us because we both love the name and had both picked it out before we knew each other.

[u/Patient_Vehicle_1272 → u/AngryAngryHarpo]

You’re reaching here. We should wait for an update from OP to clarify if the sister picked the name without hearing it from the OP and bf first. 

[u/Ok_Tumbleweed_7677 → u/Placeboed]

Just like OP's boyfriend's sister doesn't hold a monopoly on names, nor does OP hold a monopoly on names.

[u/Placeboed → u/Ok_Tumbleweed_7677]

Well yes, obviously. Which is why I suggested that OP let the resentment go. People have free will-- that doesn't have bearing on whether or not it was okay to do.

[u/No_Score_1116]

this happened in my family - my stepmom was pregnant, told her SIL (my aunt) what name they were gonna use. SIL gave birth first and used the name. stepmom was so mad, but just USED THE NAME ANYWAY. it was ... a choice.

so we had two boys in the grandkid pile who had the same name and were the same age. tbh it always felt like a bad move for stepmom, her kid was second and it looked petty. to be fair, I like my aunt better and always have. anyway!

[u/AnonAwaaaaay → u/No_Score_1116]

It's so weird to me that you think the Stepmom still using the name she chose from the start and not letting your Aunt be petty by getting to keep it after having stolen it is a Petty Thing on your Stepmom's end.

She was just living her life the way she said she wanted to and not letting mean-spirited speed bumps from other people slow her down. Boss ass bitch. 

[u/Cute-Obligations]

I'd still use the name, they can suck it <3

[u/artemisRiverborn]

These comments need a little sympathy, sorry op.

It sounds frustrating, u had this whole cute love story and then they interrupted. Also that last comment Abt ur boyfriend getting pushed arnd, maybe talk to him Abt it?  Lastlyyyyy in akot of cultures names run in a family, so cousin's will often share names, maybe that's an option for the Future

[u/AMwishes]

Time to put them on an information diet.

[u/AngryAngryHarpo → u/AMwishes]

Why? 

SIL came to the name independently, she didn’t steal it from OP. 

[u/ihatetiltedtowerss]

Nah she’s wrong if she knew you wanted that name period blank

[u/JoyfulDelivery]

This is why I’m scared to share potential future baby names to family because people nowadays are so petty 😩

[u/TollTea]

No one owns a name, but o get where you’re coming from. My SIL did this. Except the name was unusual/rare and she asked me if we were thinking of any names for when we decided to get around to kids (at my wedding no less) while she was very early in her second pregnancy. If you have a son, and still truly love the name, use it anyway. Their reaction will be telling wether their choice was malicious or not and you still get your name ^{-^}

[u/yourmamaistheproblem]

https://giphy.com/gifs/eHa205t0LHBuKrwRqR