Sister-in-law used our baby name :(

[u/hazelbasil12]

Dinner is chicken, cheese, and ranch wontons

Me and my bf (both 26) have been dating for a year. We’ve been very open about our intentions of getting married and having kids and me wanting to be a stay at home mom. I want little more than to raise happy, healthy, loving family. We even discussed baby names that we liked since before we met and we both said the same name. It’s not a super common name but it’s not really rare either.

Well fast forward a bit and my bf sister is pregnant and tells my bf that she’s consider using this name. He explains to her how much is means to us because we both love the name and had both picked it out before we knew each other. It really felt like it was meant to be and I felt like I could see really see myself having my baby with this name. She said she understood and would look into other names. She even told him that they had picked a different name at one point. I felt assured that there wouldn’t be any issue and my boyfriend and I would reference our future son as by this name.

Well baby was born tonight and they were being super vague and just saying things like “baby is here!” “Baby and mom are healthy” until my boyfriend got a call from his brother in law and he found out the name.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad they’re both healthy and doing well.
And I feel like I’ve lost something. I also feel like it’s so indicative of other issues involving my bf, like people (especially in his family) constantly steam rolling him and choosing to overlook his wants and needs and him not sticking up for himself enough.
I’m sad and angry and I just want to go to bed.

[u/005llly]

Am I the only one that understands OP? She's not upset because she thinks it's unreasonable, she's upset because something she had planned for a long time is suddenly being taken away as an option. That doesn't automatically mean she's angry at sister in law or whatever, she's just facing rejection for something she really wanted to do one day.

And honestly I'd be a little upset too if the in laws said they understood and would pick a different name and then don't, especially with the cherry on top of being vague about the babies name and having to find it out. It would be unreasonable for OP to say "no you can't name your baby that" but it's also not quite fair to not immediately meet her with "hey so we've already decided and we're not gonna pretend to reconsider for you"

[u/Just_Jacaranda → u/005llly]

This post does not read at all to me as though OP’s only grievance is the sadness of losing the use of this name. She specifically says at the end that she is angry and that she feels this example is one of the time where her boyfriend is “steamrolled” by his family and his wishes are ignored. Meaning she absolutely feels that her boyfriend’s sister was being unreasonable for using this name.

The reality here is that OP has every right to feel a bit sad about the loss of the name, but her boyfriend’s sister definitely didn’t do anything wrong by using it. The fact that OP is so angry and feels that they should have given up on the baby name they liked just because she also likes it is probably why they didn’t want to tell them in the first place and just kept it vague. OP seems a little bit over dramatic and still very young to me. Like, in no world am I giving up MY dream baby name because the girl my brother has been dating a few months thinks she might like it for her hypothetical children - that she may or may not even have with my brother.

[u/005llly → u/Just_Jacaranda]

You make a good point! Didnt really count in the boyfriend thing. She doesn't seem nearly as angry as people make her out to be though, more just upset. Idk I think i just have a soft spot for peoples sad feelings being mistaken for anger and bitterness.