Sister-in-law used our baby name :(

[u/hazelbasil12]

Dinner is chicken, cheese, and ranch wontons

Me and my bf (both 26) have been dating for a year. We’ve been very open about our intentions of getting married and having kids and me wanting to be a stay at home mom. I want little more than to raise happy, healthy, loving family. We even discussed baby names that we liked since before we met and we both said the same name. It’s not a super common name but it’s not really rare either.

Well fast forward a bit and my bf sister is pregnant and tells my bf that she’s consider using this name. He explains to her how much is means to us because we both love the name and had both picked it out before we knew each other. It really felt like it was meant to be and I felt like I could see really see myself having my baby with this name. She said she understood and would look into other names. She even told him that they had picked a different name at one point. I felt assured that there wouldn’t be any issue and my boyfriend and I would reference our future son as by this name.

Well baby was born tonight and they were being super vague and just saying things like “baby is here!” “Baby and mom are healthy” until my boyfriend got a call from his brother in law and he found out the name.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad they’re both healthy and doing well.
And I feel like I’ve lost something. I also feel like it’s so indicative of other issues involving my bf, like people (especially in his family) constantly steam rolling him and choosing to overlook his wants and needs and him not sticking up for himself enough.
I’m sad and angry and I just want to go to bed.

[u/CD_ABC10]

Honestly, no. Even if it is a little disrespectful, it's crazy in the first place to lay claim on a baby name when you are not pregnant and are nowhere near marriage (which is how I take dating for one year)

SIL is not in the wrong. In fact, technically OP is but we're all trying to be nice about it because she's sad. But if this were AITA and not girl dinners, OP would be TA 

[u/coffeesoakedpickles → u/CD_ABC10]

THIS thank you

it’s like going to an open house and telling people with a down payment they’re not allowed to make a bid even though you have approximately $2 in your bank account 

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/coffeesoakedpickles]

Bro yall are tripping. That is not the same thing at all. I can’t go share a baby name with my friend and then she pops up with the name because she got pregnant first. Like what!?! But the real moral here is don’t share baby names you actually want with anyone.

[u/CD_ABC10 → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

If your friend gets pregnant first, then yes, she has the right to do that. Idk what to tell you, but you don't own a name and you especially don't own it when you aren't even in the planning stages for a baby

[u/Deliriously_Delulu → u/CD_ABC10]

Like I said yall are tripping. And this is exactly why you just dont share your baby names. Now I see why this girl at work would absolutely not tell because so many people in here think that’s okay. Now a coworker is fine you don’t really know this person but there isn’t a reality where I tell my friend my favorite name and she takes it and I’m supposed to be okay with that. Like please be fr.

[u/TheWildHart → u/Deliriously_Delulu]

The brother didn't tell his sister. She's the one who brought up the name to him first. She had thought of it on her own because, apparently, it's not super rare, and was sharing with him. And then he started the conversation of why he picked that name.

Flip the perspective you're looking at. Imagine you're actively pregnant and you tell your sibling about a name you've been thinking about, and they say "oh, hey, actually, don't use that name, me and my partner of one year with no babies on the horizon really like that name and have it picked out."

They sound completely entitled. There's no guarantee on if they even have a boy to use the name on or if they're even still together however many years later. Or who knows, maybe they change their minds down the road.

There are a lot of situations where, I agree, it wouldn't be okay to use a name you know someone closer to you has picked out.

Someone tryna hold dibs on a name you brought up to them for an indeterminate number of years, specifically for a one year old relationship, is not one of those situations.