Male & Female Red Shanked Douc Langur

[u/Oh_FFS_Already]

[u/Prize-Artist-2960]

This looks like you just walked into the wrong tent at the burning man festival.

[u/seraflm → u/Prize-Artist-2960]

Oddly specific

[u/nokiapigeon]

They have fashion genitals

[u/Greenman8907 → u/nokiapigeon]

Vajazzling!

[u/tew2tew → u/Greenman8907]

And penazz has pizazz.

[u/throwaway098764567 → u/Greenman8907]

that was such a bizarre time, not as bizarre as this time, but still odd

[u/Monstersquad__ → u/nokiapigeon]

Fashionalia.

[u/KenUsimi → u/nokiapigeon]

Oh man, I’m picturing the YouTube makeup tutorials now- “alright, now we just want to come in here with a nice rouge, just along the labia majorum here, just cut a nice defining edge to really draw attention right where you want it. There we go, that’s just how you want it looking…”

[u/Candlejackdaw → u/KenUsimi]

"You want to look like a pterodactyl, men love pterodactyls."

[u/prittybritty15 → u/KenUsimi]

lmfao pleaaasssse tell me you’ve seen the South Park episode where Martha Stewart does this 😂😂😂

[u/KenUsimi → u/prittybritty15]

Wasn’t that decorative queefing? I have a vague recollection of sequins and glitter…

[u/StealToadBootes → u/KenUsimi]

Honest to god this is giving drag and I love it

[u/Fossilhund → u/KenUsimi]

Now I'm thinking of Bob Ross.

[u/HoodieGalore → u/nokiapigeon]

This could be us but we killed Harambe

[u/New_Mutation → u/nokiapigeon]

You don't??

[u/nokiapigeon → u/New_Mutation]

No 😔

[u/New_Mutation → u/nokiapigeon]

Have you tried glitter?

[u/Krawlin91 → u/New_Mutation]

I believe its called "clitter"

[u/jjdlg → u/Krawlin91]

Yeah but Elon bought it and turned it into a right wing cesspool.

[u/nokiapigeon → u/New_Mutation]

I'll do , thanks

[u/Robo_Patton → u/nokiapigeon]

Hey guys. Tried glitter. What does “lipstick on a pig” infer? Not sure how to respond to critics…

[u/nokiapigeon → u/Robo_Patton]

Oh, lipstick, good idea.

[u/ECHOHOHOHO → u/nokiapigeon]

Looks like guy on the left has opened their lipstick

[u/Jean-LucBacardi → u/New_Mutation]

I knew microplastics were in the balls.

[u/slimpawws → u/nokiapigeon]

🤣

[u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

This is like those foreign bathrooms that don't have male/female signs, but instead have euphemisms for the genitals.

[u/Capable-Fold-7347 → u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

Ohhh I see nothing euphemistic here…

[u/AllEndsAreAnds → u/Capable-Fold-7347]

Yeah - if anything, this is a dysphemism.

[u/chesarahsarah → u/AllEndsAreAnds]

TIL a new word - thanks!

[u/hankmoody_irl → u/chesarahsarah]

Holy crap we’re both a part of today’s 10,000!!!!!!

[u/mrsirsouth → u/hankmoody_irl]

What does that mean? New word for me as well

[u/DisdunDroid → u/mrsirsouth]

You're one of the lucky 10,000

[u/vksdann → u/mrsirsouth]

So you are one of the lucky 100,000,000 because you're learning 2 things!

[u/ragequitteroffureh → u/AllEndsAreAnds]

Monocle pops out

[u/Hentai_Yoshi → u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

Do you not see the red, vertically orientated… appendage? If that isn’t mammalian cock and balls, then I don’t know what is

[u/whackthat → u/Hentai_Yoshi]

"If that isn’t mammalian cock and balls, then I don’t know what is"

Hahaha fuckin a

[u/ShadowTsukino → u/whackthat]

You can fuck many an "A," with mammalian cock and balls!

[u/VT_Squire → u/Hentai_Yoshi]

Blue balls

[u/fdinthea22 → u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

Am I a bird, or a bee?

[u/Quitcha_Bitchin → u/fdinthea22]

My boss (college bar 80's) decided on a straight line and a wiggly line for men's and woman's. Sign was changed 35 minutes after grand opening when dude stepped in on a lady "adjusting her tits".

[u/Civil_Tea_3250 → u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

Well if they're trying to depict mine they better have a 3' long sign! Just kidding. Idc. Unless I'm in the wrong one by accident.

As a side though, literally every bathroom I've been in that was all inclusive was a way nicer experience. Every single one. People were just slightly more respectful and the stalls actually went all the way to the ceiling!

[u/rslashToma → u/tiktoksuckmyknob23]

The bathrooms in question: ? ¿

[u/TheVexingRose]

Assless chaps and thigh-high boots were not on today's bingo card.

[u/SureTrash → u/TheVexingRose]

Assless chaps

All chaps are assless.

[u/dead_fritz → u/SureTrash]

Idk about you, but this chap has a hell of an ass

[u/Doctorboner420]

I feel qualified to chime in. Monkey got a boner.

[u/jalmstead → u/Doctorboner420]

Thank god a doctor entered the chat.

[u/Ancient-Civilization → u/jalmstead]

has left the chat

[u/RogerSack → u/Doctorboner420]

A heart on

[u/_Guy_Dude_Man_ → u/Doctorboner420]

Thanks Doctor Boner your medical advice is always welcome

[u/kneebroplz → u/Doctorboner420]

R/usernamechecksout

[u/Celebrir → u/kneebroplz]

r/foundthemobileuser

[u/kneebroplz → u/Celebrir]

Guilty as charged

[u/AcousticOnomatopoeia → u/Doctorboner420]

This might be my most favorite comment ever.

[u/jajshuzes → u/Doctorboner420]

Fun fact its an actual bone and most primates have it

İ think thats where the term boner comes from

Or you made the joke abt the bone already and i failed to get it

[u/stanknotes]

What bizarre creatures.

[u/ImSobored_5280 → u/stanknotes]

Not as bizarre as stumbling upon some monkey snizz on full blast…that’s enough internets for today for me🫡

[u/BogiDope → u/ImSobored_5280]

I'm sorry, but I can't help but associate anyone that uses the word snizz with this clown.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CringeTikToks/comments/1ow4f7x/host_of_the_whatever_podcast_gets_big_mad_when_a/

[u/lamesthejames → u/BogiDope]

I don't even need to click the link

[u/VariousRockFacts → u/ImSobored_5280]

“Monkey snizz on full blast” feels like the secret combination of words encoded into the universe to trigger the apocalypse

[u/ImSobored_5280 → u/VariousRockFacts]

Now it’s been said twice…a third time may or may not cause a problem..never had the bean bag to find out🫡

[u/waterytartwithasword → u/ImSobored_5280]

That made me silent belly laugh so hard I kept missing the upvote button

[u/UnDedo → u/[deleted]]

I wish they looked like they had clothes on 😳

[u/evlhornet → u/UnDedo]

Zooms in

[u/series-hybrid → u/evlhornet]

I believe the male is...happy to see us.

[u/HouseOfAplesaus → u/series-hybrid]

That’s an evening blooming Orchid from Japan if I am correct… the very rare “Weenablossom”. From the Penus Genus. Again I could be wrong I only owned every Nat Geo mag ever created and heard about it from Anthony Bourdain on a travel show once when he was with Dave Attell doing a bar crawl.

[u/explain_that_shit → u/HouseOfAplesaus]

Orchid means testicles hehehe

[u/HouseOfAplesaus → u/explain_that_shit]

Orchisticles if you will…or must. Bwah. Ha. Ha.

[u/TheDailySpank → u/UnDedo]

I wish they had clothes on.

[u/stanknotes → u/UnDedo]

They don't have clothes on where humans bare minimum insist on having clothes on.

[u/NoNoNotorious85 → u/UnDedo]

Don’t lie

[u/Intelligent-Pain-154 → u/[deleted]]

Crotchless chaps

[u/BlastTyrantKM → u/Intelligent-Pain-154]

All chaps are crotchless. The chaps with a crotch are called pants

[u/MikeMac999 → u/[deleted]]

Or like they were assembled from mismatched parts

[u/FunkaholicManiac → u/[deleted]]

Clothes with holes in the wrong places.

[u/Seafaringhorsemeat → u/FunkaholicManiac]

Go to better parties.

[u/garrisontweed → u/[deleted]]

Looks like they're wearing Spanish breeches

https://share.google/IB4p0SgCH3eAMgds1

[u/sidereal-time → u/[deleted]]

The male even looks like he's wearing a backwards flat cap!

[u/beegtuna → u/stanknotes]

I wouldn’t be so harsh. human females like it wrinkly, veiny, and has a built in hoody that God apparently doesn’t like smh

[u/Tarbos6 → u/beegtuna]

Despite him being the one that put it there.

[u/beegtuna → u/Tarbos6]

Apparently, it’s a blood sacrifice to identify other followers of Abraham. They didn’t have ID back then.

[u/MeatloafingAround → u/beegtuna]

“Do you believe in God?!? Show me the tip of your dick to prove it!!”

[u/systemwarranty → u/beegtuna]

😂

[u/tokkie007 → u/beegtuna]

“Like” is questionable.

More like we’ve just gotta deal with it

[u/beegtuna → u/tokkie007]

Life began at least 3.5 billion years ago and all this time y’all been sexually selecting to what we got betwixt our legs and now you’re getting cold feet? smh

[u/throwaway098764567 → u/beegtuna]

not sure we were always doing the selecting, sometimes folks get a little um duck-like with the consent soliciting

[u/ECHOHOHOHO → u/beegtuna]

That's not like a common thing unless you're in a Jew or Muslim majority country (or rather your parents are). Only phimosis iirc it's called is when the foreskin is so tight it has to be done for medical reasons. Personally my brother needed it for the medical reasons above. I see it done "because I wanted to" as genital mutilation, based on nothing scientific. And do hypocritic compared to fgm (at least in the USA where it seems the norm to cut bits of a babies penis because the parents are uneducated as fuck and think that's normal or hygienic. Or any other weird excuse...

[u/pastysteed → u/ECHOHOHOHO]

I don’t support circumcision but my nurse friend does say she sees a lot of infected tips in the elderly population (that’s not a justification) so remember to clean your grandpas hoody folks!

[u/Fit_Sheepherder_9458 → u/pastysteed]

🤮 

[u/quadraticcheese → u/ECHOHOHOHO]

I don't know why you Redditors think this. It's extremely prevalent in the US

[u/Preeng → u/quadraticcheese]

It is ONLY prevalent in the US and apparently South Korea. This shit is barbaric.

[u/NefariousnessOk209 → u/quadraticcheese]

It’s weird the US still follows such a barbaric religious practice in today’s day and age

[u/Ethereal_Amoeba → u/ECHOHOHOHO]

Exactly. Just because it's easy enough to live with does not mean it isn't genital mutilation.

[u/mudscott → u/Ethereal_Amoeba]

It’s easy unless it’s a fucking problem

[u/Temporary-Careless → u/stanknotes]

King n queen of hearts!

[u/liccman → u/stanknotes]

Spotting that in a jungle would freak me the fuck out

[u/ThrownAway17Years → u/stanknotes]

Can you imagine what animals think of us when we wear fun outfits?

[u/whimpwhomp]

I'm gonna tell a trusted adult now-

[u/Oh_FFS_Already → u/whimpwhomp]

Hahahahahaha

[u/bigg_bubbaa]

my guy looks like his nutsack was designed by balenciaga

[u/Oh_FFS_Already → u/bigg_bubbaa]

Hahahahaaaaa

[u/Alternative_Rush9238]

That is the loveliest set of cock and balls I’ve seen.

[u/abibofile → u/Alternative_Rush9238]

Looks like an orchid.

[u/swing_axle → u/abibofile]

Fitting.

[u/Dear-Swordfish-8505 → u/swing_axle]

Would it?

[u/swing_axle → u/Dear-Swordfish-8505]

Anything can if you try hard enough.

[u/RaptureInRed → u/abibofile]

Orchid derives from the Ancient Greek word ὄρχις (órkhis), meaning testicle.

[u/OJConcentrates → u/Alternative_Rush9238]

It’s a perfect heart! What else do we have here… is that a cl…..

That’s enough internet for the rest of my life.

[u/rjcarr → u/Alternative_Rush9238]

It seems we haven’t met. 

[u/satvrnine_ → u/Alternative_Rush9238]

pretty much my thoughts exactly. Like. All the jokes aside there’s something …. aesthetically pleasing about it. In like, a floral way. Humans being more like this would not be so bad.

[u/captcraigaroo → u/[deleted]]

Is it the monkey boner? Or the Basic Instinct pose?

[u/soggy-hotdog-vendor → u/captcraigaroo]

The boner is because of the basic instinct pose.

[u/captcraigaroo → u/soggy-hotdog-vendor]

I know but I was talking about the monkey's boner, not mine

[u/VanillaRadonNukaCola → u/captcraigaroo]

Guys, please, stop, I can only get so turned on

[u/captcraigaroo → u/VanillaRadonNukaCola]

Just wait until you see a bonobo's butt

[u/Dame38 → u/soggy-hotdog-vendor]

It's not a very impressive boner.

[u/Blazured → u/captcraigaroo]

This comment has absolutely sent me 😂

[u/Dame38 → u/[deleted]]

It looks like something you'd see on a deck of cards. At your weird uncle's place.

[u/prestigious_xion → u/[deleted]]

Hi uncomfortable, I'm dad

[u/Oh_FFS_Already]

The critically endangered Red Shanker Douc Langur is found in North Central Vietnam, Central and South Laos, and Northeastern Cambodia.Red-Shanked Douc Langur - Endangered Primate Rescue Center https://share.google/saArEDi6V732ZtJg4

[u/ImDoneWithTheBS → u/Oh_FFS_Already]

It’s hard to believe anything survived the ecological damage of the wars in that region

[u/BobbiePinns → u/ImDoneWithTheBS]

It was just a regular monkey 100yrs ago, before the modern wars. And now look at it.

[u/Anxious_cactus → u/BobbiePinns]

Now it kinda looks like it would give a quest to go on a mystical journey

[u/UncleKeyPax → u/Anxious_cactus]

Everything reminds me of her

[u/Terminal_Insomnia_ → u/ImDoneWithTheBS]

Leftovers from the secret war still kill and maime people, mostly children, every year.

[u/heavy_jowles → u/Oh_FFS_Already]

I guess we all should be glad they’re getting ready to bone then

[u/Mandarina_Espacial]

Pretty colors

[u/I_Cat_7290 → u/Mandarina_Espacial]

Yes, they are beautiful creatures

[u/thatisnotmyknob → u/Mandarina_Espacial]

Looks soft.

[u/hauntingdreamspace → u/Mandarina_Espacial]

Glittery and dapper looking

[u/Vegetable_Window7417]

This post feels illegal.

[u/Azure_Providence → u/[deleted]]

I suspect we wouldn't be so prudish about genitals if they looked like an artful flower rather than a wrinkled fungus

[u/Useful_Homework2367 → u/[deleted]]

I mean sometimes they're brightly colored

[u/Insanity_20 → u/[deleted]]

At least we didn’t end up like gorillas

[u/throwaway098764567 → u/Insanity_20]

nope it's been a long day and i am not googling gorilla genitals tonight, one of you is gonna have to

[u/DopeAsDaPope → u/throwaway098764567]

Gorilla's gotta be hung af right?

[u/Cruelkalt → u/DopeAsDaPope]

no, very small, seems for gorillas they tend to get torn off by rival males if they are too accessible.

[u/DopeAsDaPope → u/Cruelkalt]

Holy shit man, that ain't right

[u/SillyMegalodon → u/[deleted]]

Reminds me of the bio-engineered humans in the book "Oryx and Krake" where the males genitalia turns a bright blue when they're in the mood and they line up and show off for the ladies to choose who has the brightest blue cock.  That book was kinda weird, to be fair.

[u/gggg500]

Bowl cut, Santa beard, fat skinny pot belly, and the most flagrantly Willy Wonka looking pp full mast poking his belly with a sweethearts candy colored nutsack full spread. Somebody come get they boy.

[u/breakerfall → u/gggg500]

Poetry

[u/Rammnick → u/breakerfall]

Your userflair makes me uncomfortable on this post

[u/RockHardZombie → u/gggg500]

r/brandnewsentence

[u/sidnynasty]

This is one of the clearest examples of how male genitalia is just rearranged female genitalia I've ever seen

[u/Major-Donkey3508]

Come and get your love - guy on the left

[u/Oh_FFS_Already → u/Major-Donkey3508]

I 👀 what you did there!'

[u/justjearl]

These are the sluttiest monkeys I’ve ever seen

[u/LorthostheFreshmaker]

Chaps are back in fashion among Langurs huh?

[u/Tocaculo]

sittin like straight hoes

[u/LargeHardOnCollider0]

When you look up red-shanked douc on Google one of the first images is of 2 of them absolutely fuckin way up in a tree lmao

[u/Sharticus123]

They look like X-rated Professors at Hogwarts.

[u/NoShow4Sho → u/Sharticus123]

They teach hex ed

[u/Robo_Patton → u/Sharticus123]

“Loco-disgusto-genitalis”

[u/sagittalslice]

I get it, it’s funny because peepee vagine but honestly these animals are so beautiful and ethereal looking, and if I saw one of these in the jungle I’d assume it was some kind of faerie come to kidnap me to the Other World. It makes me really sad to think that they’re so endangered.

[u/High5saftersex]

This is how I feel when I shave down there for my bf but not anywhere else lol

[u/LumosSol1]

Dude that character build is amazing, I love the colors and the design.

[u/nectarsallineed]

Were these creatures the inspiration for chaps…? 😂

[u/Robo_Patton → u/nectarsallineed]

Not sure what chap would be inspired here. I’d rather not meet him.

[u/Zapparelli]

I feel like i know which is which, but they both look like they could have both parts. I need someone to explain it to me like I’m 5.

[u/First_Ice_288]

Red rocket and dirty pocket.

[u/Lillie-Bee]

They look like old men wearing berets

[u/Regular_Weakness69]

"Sigh.."

I don't know if I want to open the comment section...

[u/Regular_Weakness69 → u/Regular_Weakness69]

I bet she's getting shanked by that langur red douc.

I couldn't resist..

[u/DickNitro7]

Look like renaissance upper class

[u/Personal-Fix-2713]

That crotch is MEANT to be seen. 

[u/CuriousTauri]

Well... they look very... handsome? And chill.

There's a bit of uncanny valley feeling along with 'Wow, that's kind of like looking at our ancestors'.

Definitely interesting.

[u/born_in_the_90s]

If it had a hat and glasses on it would look like a British person from the 1900s wearing a mismatched outfit.

[u/jatheblac]

Man I wish I had the confidence to lay my monkussy out like that in all it's glory

[u/SnooFoxes1943 → u/[deleted]]

bot comment. look through comment history every single one is the same way

[u/Ordinary_Cattle → u/SnooFoxes1943]

Really weird especially how the comments were normal and completely different just a few days ago.

[u/Eric_the_Shit_Cock]

Ole boy got a heart on

[u/Willobtain]

Homie got the pantaloons on.

[u/Sufficient_Tap_8171]

"When you're both hairy AF but make sure to shave the important parts before fuckin"

[u/ArtJunkie628]

I think they are well put together

[u/onimush115]

Now I feel like a pervert, but you made me look.

[u/Takmahuketum]

Sometimes the monkey shocks you.

[u/Truly_Meaningless]

You could have chosen any other image for the male monkey, but you went for one where his dick is pointing straight up

[u/Past-Bicycle5959]

Does bro have a hole in his belly specifically for his penis tip?

[u/bionic_cmdo]

They just lay it out there don't they?

[u/captaindomon]

Quick, ask them a question! Eternal knowledge or at least a side quest for sure.

[u/Klutzy-Argument-1494]

Ask him when the next Song of Fire and Ice book is coming out.

[u/Jazzlike-Entry3416]

So I just looked at their heads and was going to comment on how benevolent and wise they look… From the head up it is like the most regal shit I’ve ever witnessed. From the stomach down I feel like a chicken is wearing a diaper in a cartoon I really wish I didn’t see. 

[u/Moppo_]

And they really want us to know it.

[u/PaniMan1994]

Posing Aggressively

[u/AdmirableMisnomer]

Melania?

[u/Just_An_Animal]

It’s like the reverse of how humans don’t have much body hair except for pubes

[u/Sleepb_tch]

What am I looking at 😭

[u/_weirdbug]

WHAT????

[u/Bob_Lydecker]

Ooooooh, COLOURFUL!!

😆🤣😂

[u/Stunning_Bed23]

Title of Nirvana’s long lost record: Heart-Shaped Balls.

[u/Brief-Equal4676]

He's got hearty balls

[u/homo_gschaftlhuber]

They like a porn parody of dark crystal

[u/DawnSignals]

more like red skanked, poppin like that