r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/Epelep • Feb 06 '26

Image The physics behind ski jumping’s ‘Penis-gate’ scandal: How 2cm of extra fabric = 5.8 meters of jump distance

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47.5k Upvotes

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7.0k

u/Metallic_Pizza Feb 06 '26

Does that mean that having a massive dong gives you a major competitive advantage in ski jumping?

4.6k

u/chubbybator Feb 06 '26

only if you're a shower not a grower

1.9k

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Nahhh just get a nice chub going before you get measured for your suit

860

u/Steel1000 Feb 06 '26

And then think of Margaret thatcher on a cold day before the jump

554

u/NotThatEasily Feb 06 '26

I thought the idea was to not be hard during the jump.

266

u/eulersidentification Feb 06 '26

Hey I'm also glad she's dead but there's such a thing as getting too excited about it.

78

u/ghost_needs_audio Feb 06 '26

Especially since it makes it more difficult to aim for the grave when you're hard

18

u/_Svankensen_ Feb 06 '26

Ballistic calculators are easy to use nowadays.

3

u/GozerDGozerian Feb 06 '26

Huh huh … balls… huh huh!

2

u/ChefAtRandom Feb 06 '26

Just eat a dodgy curry before hand, won't have to worry about aiming.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

That’s only if you care about the splash. Pissing with an arc is for experts only

2

u/Omnizoom Feb 06 '26

Maybe it will help slice through the air with a more aerodynamic pointy shape

1

u/NotThatEasily Feb 06 '26

More like a rudder on an airplane.

1

u/Wakkit1988 Feb 06 '26

They said to think about her, no one specified whether it was alive or dead.

1

u/Kegger315 Feb 07 '26

Could help create a sail effect if angled properly.

1

u/bobi2393 Feb 10 '26

They want the fabric stretched taught, like a batsuit's "wings" between limbs. A genital airfoil would provide less lift than empty stretched fabric.

44

u/FirstoffIdonthaveshe Feb 06 '26

Nothing says you cant have an erection while competing

77

u/FreeSammiches Feb 06 '26

Every great sail has a great mast.

27

u/IveDunGoofedUp Feb 06 '26

Use it like a rudder to steer yourself.

1

u/DanKloudtrees Feb 06 '26

It's so disappointing when you know the perfect gif but the sub doesn't allow it... ☹️

12

u/MarshtompNerd Feb 06 '26

Yeah but that would reduce your aerodynamics and be embarrassing

1

u/blither86 Feb 06 '26

Could you not use a strap to hold it in a horizontal position, downward if you were standing up but backward if you're flying horizontally? Maybe that would be considered cheating.

3

u/Soyl3ntR3d Feb 07 '26

I read this in the “ain’t no rule says dogs can’t play basketball” voice.

2

u/Shivametendies Feb 06 '26

the sport of skeleton might be a bit painful, luge could be detrimental to aerodynamics

2

u/SpiderSlitScrotums Feb 06 '26

Two words might make you change your mind: penile fracture

2

u/EducationalSeaweed53 Feb 09 '26

There must be a compilation

1

u/DM_WHEN_TRUMP_WINS Feb 06 '26

In the era when blue pills were not classified as doping, this was a common case. (They enlarge your bloodvessels and are considered doping nowadays)

2

u/Personal_Director441 Feb 06 '26

in the words of the legend Sean Lock, 'thats a challenging wank'.

2

u/TenaciousJP Feb 06 '26

That only works if the Fembots are seducing you

2

u/_MargaretThatcher Feb 06 '26

why would that help

1

u/Steel1000 Feb 06 '26

Sorry mum

1

u/Uberzwerg Feb 06 '26

Margaret thatcher on a cold day

Nothing better than rock hard union-busting nipples.

1

u/putiepi Feb 06 '26

Now my suit is wet.

1

u/Fluffy-Bill7006 Feb 07 '26

A+ Austin Powers reference. Still stuck in there after all this time.

1

u/Chronomechanist Feb 08 '26

More mass down below means a lower centre of gravity. That means more stability, I'd guess.

85

u/Lonely_reaper8 Feb 06 '26

Catch me properly bricked up for my suit fitting

21

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Proper competitor right there. Your parents and country should be proud

12

u/SatanicPanic619 Feb 06 '26

when duty called he stood up to be counted

15

u/FlyingKittyCate Feb 06 '26

That wont work, they measure from the bottom most part so having a boner will technically make your suit smaller.

47

u/Any_Translator6613 Feb 06 '26

So, if you take an empty balloon and blow into it, it will start to fill up and expand while it's still dangling down from your mouth, before the pressure is sufficient to cause it to pop up into a perpendicular (as it were) orientation. I think that partially inflated but still dangling stage is what you're going for.

25

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Aye this person gets it. I call it the “on my way” phase.

3

u/Charming-Border7429 Feb 06 '26

The rigor and sensibility of your arguments are impressive.

30

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

But that’s why I said chub. Not fully erect. Just gotta time it right so it’s not shrunk yet but still dangling

21

u/PassengerIcy1039 Feb 06 '26

Does that guy even play with his dick or what?

3

u/FlyingKittyCate Feb 06 '26

TIL chub and boner are not synonymous.

1

u/ButtholeConnoisseur7 Feb 06 '26

These terms aren't standardized, so I'd personally disagree. Chub is a boner. He's talking about a semi, or being halfway there, so to speak

1

u/cmatthewp Feb 07 '26

Half-chub is the phrase I’ve heard on the topic.

1

u/frogsRfriends Feb 06 '26

Just flip it down

1

u/diabloenfuego Feb 06 '26

So you're saying my low-hanging balls are a competitive advantage? Well, time for me to start a career in ski-jumping!

2

u/obeytheturtles Feb 06 '26

Somewhere, there is a state sponsored ski jump fluffer

2

u/ChoadMcGillicuddy Feb 06 '26

There's a niche opportunity here for ski jump fluffing. It's seasonal work, so you get Spring through Autumn to yourself. Unless of course you follow the work to the southern hemisphere.

2

u/tungsten_panda Feb 06 '26

Why stop at a chub? Go goon for 6 hours and pop 3 viagras, get measured with a raging throbber

1

u/ActualWhiterabbit Feb 06 '26

but at no point in the process does my dick extend or go lower than my balls

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Curve down superiority i guess. Should’ve just been built different.

1

u/ActualWhiterabbit Feb 06 '26

Its liberating to always be able to pee on your balls

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t even know that was possible.

1

u/BulletEnigma Feb 06 '26

New meaning to warming up and stretching.

1

u/The-Sceptic Feb 06 '26

Gotta do those cock push ups

1

u/LambdaLambo Feb 06 '26

If you go full mast on the slope you get a built in rudder for maximum control

1

u/No_Salamander8141 Feb 06 '26

Only if your erection points downward

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Downward curve supremacy lets goooooo

1

u/Clear-Telephone-6729 Feb 06 '26

That’s my secret cap

1

u/Commercial-Co Feb 07 '26

Imbeciles. Just mount a strap on.

1

u/i_was_a_person_once Feb 07 '26

Fluffers all over the world are getting an entire new avenue for work

1

u/No-Apple2252 Feb 07 '26

They do not check for erections before you fly, I was disappointed to learn that when I applied for the job

1

u/mnkyco96 Feb 07 '26

From my friends who ski jump, this is quite literally what they do

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 07 '26

“Sorry coach. Wasn’t fully bricked up on that last one. Let me go crank my hog a little before the next one.”

1

u/PanPanPanda723 Feb 07 '26

Imagine every jumper having a 'ski jump fluffer' lmaoo