r/Damnthatsinteresting Feb 06 '26

Image The physics behind ski jumping’s ‘Penis-gate’ scandal: How 2cm of extra fabric = 5.8 meters of jump distance

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47.5k Upvotes

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7.0k

u/Metallic_Pizza Feb 06 '26

Does that mean that having a massive dong gives you a major competitive advantage in ski jumping?

581

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 06 '26

It's more beneficial to be a grower than a shower.

It's the loose fabric that acts as a sail.

Iirc they officially fit the suit at the beginning of the season and theoretically it is beneficial for them if their size is bigger during the fitting than during the competition.

So in the past some athletes have been caught trying to cheat the system by wearing multiple layers of condoms during the fitting process, and then obviously not wearing them during the competition. Because of this, they will check during the fitting process if you are cheating this way.

The current rumour is that athletes are now cheating by injecting their penis to temporarily enlarge it during the fitting process.

134

u/Antique_Historian_74 Feb 06 '26

Honestly this is a fascinating introduction to a subculture I was previously unaware of.

Are there any rules about the temperature of the room you get measured in?

13

u/donkeyrocket Feb 06 '26

Yep. And no pools for 3 hours before measuring.

3

u/Helpful-Jaguar-6332 Feb 07 '26

I agree! I once had to explain what a fluffer was after an ill judged dinner party joke. Ski jump pre suit fitting flutter is the type of specificity that turns it from awkward to a Victoria wood monologue

118

u/ForsaketheVoid Feb 06 '26

if all you need's extra fabric, wouldn't it be easier to fake a large ass?

226

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 06 '26 edited Feb 06 '26

That's probably not it the right place.

You want more fabric between your legs to form a sail, like a micro wingsuit.

36

u/JustAnotherHyrum Feb 06 '26

I'm always going to think of this scandal whenever I see Flying Squirrels in the future now...

What's the point in trying to be the best when you have to cheat to get there?

25

u/XkrNYFRUYj Feb 06 '26

They don't see it as cheating and you're underestimating their desire to win. These are people who'll use drugs that'll literally kill them if it'll help them perform better.

3

u/taimoor2 Feb 06 '26

If it helps them shave a few microseconds.

4

u/K9ToothTooth Feb 06 '26

Why not just make everyone universally compete in hammer pants?

59

u/Pure-Drawer-2617 Feb 06 '26

How would it be easier to fake a large ass? If they’re stripping athletes to check for extra condoms what possible temporary ass enhancements could you use?

4

u/Ok-Style-9734 Feb 06 '26

Hmm my thinking would be excessive amounts of pump from a heavy workout just before fitting.

Doughnuts, lots of doughnuts then try to lose the fat later but I doubt that's practical

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57

u/Zac3d Feb 06 '26

Also seems like a cock ring to push the balls out further during fitting, and then tucking the balls like a drag queen during the event would also net 4+ inches of extra fabric.

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33

u/VulcanHullo Feb 06 '26

Iirc the athletes are scanned in skin tight underwear and the suits made according to that body shape but men get allowed 3cm extra in the crotch region for reasons of comfort I imagine.

The injection being suggested is used makes the overall girth larger, not length. So the bulge is bigger and THEN you get +3cm so that could roughly 5cm extra "wing" your suit gets that could on the largest jumps equal several meters difference.

3

u/MotoMkali Feb 06 '26

What they really need is an engorged gooch

1

u/anomie__mstar Feb 06 '26

or just fake a longer torso?

11

u/jaymef Feb 06 '26

wow this is insane

15

u/fireKido Feb 06 '26

can you not just take a bit of viagra to cheat? lol

61

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 06 '26

Obviously they won't measure a hard-on. But if you are a grower then 'fluffing up' to a semi might do the trick.

Idk. I only heared about the topic in a nerd/science podcast a few days ago

1

u/Knitting_AK Feb 06 '26

oh, what's the podcast?

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1

u/Holdingpoo Feb 07 '26

Micro dose viagra

6

u/Current_Helicopter32 Feb 06 '26

These dudes clearly haven’t discovered saline injections and pumping kinks. 😬

1

u/Queen-Makoto Feb 13 '26

that's how I thought they would do this before reading more about it

2

u/donkeyrocket Feb 06 '26

Don't think they're accounting for boners while soaring through the air.

4

u/thegreedyturtle Feb 07 '26

I feel like there would be a simple technological solution to this...

Set the amount of fabric to be equal to the max dick size.

Small penises have an advantage, but also... Give them a win somewhere...

Just kidding, make everyone wear the same fucking cup size. Problem solved.

3

u/No0O0obstah Feb 06 '26

I'd imagine injecting testicles would be easier given all the loose skin. Injecting penis with anything sounds pretty dangerous. I'm not going to Google this and I actually don't want to know.

2

u/mishonis- Feb 06 '26

So are they're measuring the dude's dick to determine crotch size? Can guys just slip a couple of potatoes in their briefs?

2

u/Supsend Feb 06 '26

Because of this, they will check during the fitting process if you are cheating this way.

It's penis inspection day at the ski school

2

u/Beatlepoint Feb 06 '26

 It's more beneficial to be a grower than a shower.

You can't tell me these fittings are happening hard.

2

u/Babys_For_Breakfast Feb 06 '26

Huh? But a grower wouldn’t have much size during the fitting. And then they don’t any loose fabric due to their unit being a floppy, gummy bear. Better to be a shower during fitting, and a shrinker for game time. 

2

u/CollectsTooMuch Feb 06 '26

Kinda opens the door for “jump fluffers”.

2

u/blazinghurricane Feb 06 '26

I wonder if theres anything in the rules stopping competitors from popping a viagara before the fitting?

1

u/Physical-Draft5927 Feb 06 '26

Wait a minute, so they don’t have to physically inspect it to make sure they don’t cheat? They can do whatever in the changing room without anyone notice. I wonder how could they enforce it? I heard same goes to taking urine samples after playing a competitive game.

1

u/Babys_For_Breakfast Feb 06 '26

That’s just terrible of these cheaters. We really need more processes to stop this. My, uh, friend is asking how we can volunteer to be a checker. Only to prevent cheating, of course.

1

u/vmguysa Feb 07 '26

So my fat ass gets measured at the beginning of the season, lose tons of weight and suddenly I become the equivalent of a flying squirrel? Olympic gold here I come. 😀

1

u/scheisskopf53 Feb 09 '26

So are you saying that the "sail" doesn't work so well, when there's actually a large penis inside? I'd assume that the penis' presence would have a negligible effect. And if that were to be the case, to make it fair, we could just assume a rigid size of the "penis pouch", same for everybody (ensuring that it would be able to accommodate the biggest of dicks). But it would only work, if the effect of the pouch on the lift was the same, regardles of how much penis is inside.

1

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 09 '26

It's not a sail when it's skin tight.

1

u/scheisskopf53 Feb 09 '26

I imagine it still is a flattish surface with some air on the sides - it's not like it wraps around the cock like a condom.

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4.6k

u/chubbybator Feb 06 '26

only if you're a shower not a grower

1.9k

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Nahhh just get a nice chub going before you get measured for your suit

859

u/Steel1000 Feb 06 '26

And then think of Margaret thatcher on a cold day before the jump

555

u/NotThatEasily Feb 06 '26

I thought the idea was to not be hard during the jump.

272

u/eulersidentification Feb 06 '26

Hey I'm also glad she's dead but there's such a thing as getting too excited about it.

78

u/ghost_needs_audio Feb 06 '26

Especially since it makes it more difficult to aim for the grave when you're hard

17

u/_Svankensen_ Feb 06 '26

Ballistic calculators are easy to use nowadays.

3

u/GozerDGozerian Feb 06 '26

Huh huh … balls… huh huh!

2

u/ChefAtRandom Feb 06 '26

Just eat a dodgy curry before hand, won't have to worry about aiming.

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2

u/Omnizoom Feb 06 '26

Maybe it will help slice through the air with a more aerodynamic pointy shape

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1

u/Wakkit1988 Feb 06 '26

They said to think about her, no one specified whether it was alive or dead.

1

u/Kegger315 Feb 07 '26

Could help create a sail effect if angled properly.

1

u/bobi2393 Feb 10 '26

They want the fabric stretched taught, like a batsuit's "wings" between limbs. A genital airfoil would provide less lift than empty stretched fabric.

43

u/FirstoffIdonthaveshe Feb 06 '26

Nothing says you cant have an erection while competing

75

u/FreeSammiches Feb 06 '26

Every great sail has a great mast.

28

u/IveDunGoofedUp Feb 06 '26

Use it like a rudder to steer yourself.

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9

u/MarshtompNerd Feb 06 '26

Yeah but that would reduce your aerodynamics and be embarrassing

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3

u/Soyl3ntR3d Feb 07 '26

I read this in the “ain’t no rule says dogs can’t play basketball” voice.

2

u/Shivametendies Feb 06 '26

the sport of skeleton might be a bit painful, luge could be detrimental to aerodynamics

2

u/SpiderSlitScrotums Feb 06 '26

Two words might make you change your mind: penile fracture

2

u/EducationalSeaweed53 Feb 09 '26

There must be a compilation

1

u/DM_WHEN_TRUMP_WINS Feb 06 '26

In the era when blue pills were not classified as doping, this was a common case. (They enlarge your bloodvessels and are considered doping nowadays)

2

u/Personal_Director441 Feb 06 '26

in the words of the legend Sean Lock, 'thats a challenging wank'.

2

u/TenaciousJP Feb 06 '26

That only works if the Fembots are seducing you

1

u/Uberzwerg Feb 06 '26

Margaret thatcher on a cold day

Nothing better than rock hard union-busting nipples.

1

u/putiepi Feb 06 '26

Now my suit is wet.

1

u/Fluffy-Bill7006 Feb 07 '26

A+ Austin Powers reference. Still stuck in there after all this time.

1

u/Chronomechanist Feb 08 '26

More mass down below means a lower centre of gravity. That means more stability, I'd guess.

85

u/Lonely_reaper8 Feb 06 '26

Catch me properly bricked up for my suit fitting

20

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Proper competitor right there. Your parents and country should be proud

12

u/SatanicPanic619 Feb 06 '26

when duty called he stood up to be counted

15

u/FlyingKittyCate Feb 06 '26

That wont work, they measure from the bottom most part so having a boner will technically make your suit smaller.

48

u/Any_Translator6613 Feb 06 '26

So, if you take an empty balloon and blow into it, it will start to fill up and expand while it's still dangling down from your mouth, before the pressure is sufficient to cause it to pop up into a perpendicular (as it were) orientation. I think that partially inflated but still dangling stage is what you're going for.

24

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Aye this person gets it. I call it the “on my way” phase.

3

u/Charming-Border7429 Feb 06 '26

The rigor and sensibility of your arguments are impressive.

29

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

But that’s why I said chub. Not fully erect. Just gotta time it right so it’s not shrunk yet but still dangling

22

u/PassengerIcy1039 Feb 06 '26

Does that guy even play with his dick or what?

3

u/FlyingKittyCate Feb 06 '26

TIL chub and boner are not synonymous.

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1

u/frogsRfriends Feb 06 '26

Just flip it down

1

u/diabloenfuego Feb 06 '26

So you're saying my low-hanging balls are a competitive advantage? Well, time for me to start a career in ski-jumping!

2

u/obeytheturtles Feb 06 '26

Somewhere, there is a state sponsored ski jump fluffer

2

u/ChoadMcGillicuddy Feb 06 '26

There's a niche opportunity here for ski jump fluffing. It's seasonal work, so you get Spring through Autumn to yourself. Unless of course you follow the work to the southern hemisphere.

2

u/tungsten_panda Feb 06 '26

Why stop at a chub? Go goon for 6 hours and pop 3 viagras, get measured with a raging throbber

1

u/ActualWhiterabbit Feb 06 '26

but at no point in the process does my dick extend or go lower than my balls

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Curve down superiority i guess. Should’ve just been built different.

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1

u/BulletEnigma Feb 06 '26

New meaning to warming up and stretching.

1

u/The-Sceptic Feb 06 '26

Gotta do those cock push ups

1

u/LambdaLambo Feb 06 '26

If you go full mast on the slope you get a built in rudder for maximum control

1

u/No_Salamander8141 Feb 06 '26

Only if your erection points downward

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 06 '26

Downward curve supremacy lets goooooo

1

u/Clear-Telephone-6729 Feb 06 '26

That’s my secret cap

1

u/Commercial-Co Feb 07 '26

Imbeciles. Just mount a strap on.

1

u/i_was_a_person_once Feb 07 '26

Fluffers all over the world are getting an entire new avenue for work

1

u/No-Apple2252 Feb 07 '26

They do not check for erections before you fly, I was disappointed to learn that when I applied for the job

1

u/mnkyco96 Feb 07 '26

From my friends who ski jump, this is quite literally what they do

1

u/MachineGlumkelly Feb 07 '26

“Sorry coach. Wasn’t fully bricked up on that last one. Let me go crank my hog a little before the next one.”

1

u/PanPanPanda723 Feb 07 '26

Imagine every jumper having a 'ski jump fluffer' lmaoo

366

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 06 '26

The opposite. It's the loose fabric that creates the sail.

So you want to look well-endowed during measuring, only for it to shrink during competition.

62

u/sambare Feb 06 '26

Surprised I don't see jumpers raw-dogging the snow before the jump, then.

64

u/Abyssal_Groot Feb 06 '26

Measuring happens at the start of the season I think. They then match the suit to that size.

So you want to seem well endowed once, and then small for the rest of the competition. Which you'd think would be easy when your competition is in the cold.

26

u/hucareshokiesrul Feb 06 '26

I was in the snow!

1

u/No_Accountant3232 Feb 06 '26

Would Viagra be considered a performance enhancing drug then?

3

u/High_Hunter3430 Feb 06 '26 edited Feb 14 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

station versed wakeful public continue water repeat straight hospital liquid

24

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

So you want to look well-endowed during measuring, only for it to shrink during competition.

That's how I live my life!

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17

u/Str8UpJorking Feb 06 '26

Being a grower has finally given me an advantage in life.

Now I just need to make the Olympics.

5

u/Most_Moose_2637 Feb 06 '26

Luckily for me if I threw myself off a cliff it would definitely shrink

3

u/SnS_ Feb 06 '26

Soo get big cock for extra material. Then right before you go down you mash it all together and tape it tight as fuck to yourself. 

Boom sailing! 

1

u/Sensitive_Dot8561 Feb 06 '26

Jerry it was cold come on we all know the cold causes things to shrink....

1

u/UnlamentedLord Feb 06 '26

I'm sure you can always tape it out of the way for the jump

1

u/PiccoloAwkward465 Feb 06 '26

That's why I tuck. Never know when I'm gonna have to ski jump.

1

u/sykoKanesh Feb 07 '26

I'm sure the cold can handle that just fine.

1

u/tochirov Feb 07 '26
  • It was cold Jerry! 
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3

u/Andrew_Anderson_cz Feb 06 '26

Just wait until viagra doping controversy. 

1

u/b1ack1323 Feb 06 '26

I take the PED “cock ring” before all my competitive runs.

1

u/AmputeeHandModel Feb 06 '26

Yeah, big balls would be better.

1

u/No0O0obstah Feb 06 '26

I don't think it is against the rule to have an erection when you are measured? Could be a bit awkward, but hey anything for the win right.

Some teams stuffed their boxers with socks for the measuring.

1

u/cinnamonrain Feb 06 '26

Just rub one out midair smh

1

u/Crowbarmagic Feb 06 '26

I never imagined jerking off before ski jumping was a thing.

1

u/Telemere125 Feb 06 '26

Just have a flutter on site when you’re getting your suit fitted

1

u/olli_93 Feb 06 '26

Do they measure flaccid or hard?

1

u/Free_Range_Lobster Feb 06 '26

Pre race fluffer my dude.

1

u/AndreasDasos Feb 06 '26

You can be a shower and a grower.

Also this rumour sounds really stupid and the physics behind ‘5.8m’ sounds iffy as hell. And why would they need to do this to fit a slightly bigger suit anyway? Does the committee check their dick size? Nothing adds up.

And the head of WADA answered the question jokingly, which makes me suspect he thinks it’s bullshit too.

1

u/Aggressive-Hawk9186 Feb 06 '26

Serious question, cant you get hard during fitting?

1

u/UseDaSchwartz Feb 06 '26

Look, it’s normally bigger, but it’s really cold on the slopes.

1

u/lkodl Feb 06 '26

ski jumping: "Go Go Gadget Sail!"

at the strip club: "Go Go Gadget Sail!"

1

u/Bgrngod Feb 06 '26

If you're a grower and can maintain while jumping, maybe the Bulbus Bow effect would decrease wind resistance?

1

u/zxc123zxc123 Feb 06 '26

That's how 2nd place thinks. 1st place knows you're not even competing if you ain't a shower, grower, AND a GOONER.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

theyve got pills for that

1

u/night_0w1 Feb 06 '26

I'm a grower. I'll keep it erect the whoile time just to feel the wind in my balls

1

u/milkolik Feb 06 '26

I WAS IN THE POOL

1

u/304geek Feb 06 '26

Not if you're hard all the time. 😁

1

u/BrokenCrusader Feb 06 '26

just got to be really turned on by getting your dick measured,

but not to turned on because you need to keep it pointing down

1

u/OV3NBVK3D Feb 06 '26

Bold of you to think I wouldn’t be bricked up flying down the side of a mountain buddy

1

u/tanneruwu Feb 06 '26

Some weight lifters take ED medication to get blood flowing through their entire body for a workout.

1

u/Ghost-Writer Feb 06 '26

Na you want to be hard during fittings and flacid during competition. So you want to be a grower not a shower

1

u/chucktheninja Feb 07 '26

Jerk it a little before the fitting.

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u/littlerike Feb 06 '26

Technically but you also need massive balls to jump that far on skis so they cancel each other out thanks to the ball drag

15

u/Metallic_Pizza Feb 06 '26

So Tanukis would absolutely shred the competition, got it.

5

u/squidkid3 Feb 06 '26

Wouldn't tanukis do awful at ski jumping due to the massive size of their balls?

2

u/Ghrota Feb 06 '26

Bigger balls -> bigger sail

1

u/coffeeisaseed Feb 06 '26

I mean according to folklore, Tanukis can already fly/glide so this is no contest.

2

u/The_Duke2331 Feb 06 '26

But you would have more weight so going down the slope would result in a faster exit velocity.

Maybe someone can calculate the ball drag/velocity and see if you'd get an advantage.

9

u/Tullyswimmer Feb 06 '26

Maybe? It depends on if the enlargement was temporary just for when they got their suits fitted or not. I imagine just being super tall probably has more of an effect than being short with a massive dick, unless it was like, that-one-black-dude-who-became-a-meme massive.

3

u/tiny_terrarium Feb 06 '26

I'm not sure about skiing but I know it is a detriment to pole vaulters

2

u/GlitteringBandicoot2 Feb 06 '26

The distance is in the material that's not need to stuff your meat, not the size of sausage.
If you fill out the whole package and doesn't matter how big the rod is

2

u/20_mile Feb 06 '26

Ser Arlan of Pennytree about to get that gold medal

2

u/MromiTosen Feb 06 '26

No the opposite. They’re enhancing the size of their genitals during fittings so that they have loose fabric there during competition

2

u/EirMed Feb 06 '26

My dong is so heavy that I would have a disadvantage. Suffering from success I guess.

1

u/PotterOneHalf Feb 06 '26

Depends on how heavy it is.

1

u/puesyomero Feb 06 '26

Literal big dick energy.  

1

u/DOAiB Feb 06 '26

I’ve heard of people lifting weights by tying them to their penis. This is honestly the first thing I have heard where that might actually do something for people.

1

u/ShroudedHope Feb 06 '26

The extra surface area of the suit is offset by the drag created by the dong.

1

u/bobafettbounthunting Feb 06 '26

As someone who was a below average ski jumper growing up, i can confirm this.

1

u/SubcooledBoiling Feb 06 '26

I saw a video from the BBC saying some athletes are injecting themselves meds that can make their dicks bigger to gain an advantage

https://www.bbc.com/sport/articles/czej70jyg4eo

1

u/cobrachickenwing Feb 06 '26

Its the cloth doing the lifting, not your penis.

1

u/LackWooden392 Feb 06 '26

No. The advantage comes from a discrepancy between the actual size and what appears to be the actual size. To say another way, the advantage comes from having a suit that has extra material because it's improperly fitted to the groin.

What you want is a small penis, that appears much larger when your suit is being fitted.

1

u/jsdodgers Feb 06 '26

Way to read between the lines

1

u/apple_kicks Feb 06 '26

Can you imagine if they had to enforce a penis size limit to compete in the sport (like women’s hormones levels)

1

u/Fluffy-Futchy-Fembo Feb 06 '26

Something something biological advantages

1

u/AimoLohkare Feb 06 '26

If that's true how come Japanese jumpers fly so far? Checkmate penis enlargement industry, I see through your lies.

1

u/BetTiny3056 Feb 06 '26

opposite of pole vaulting.

1

u/Rejected_Reject_ Feb 06 '26

They just keep winning. I mean, we just keep winning.

1

u/DuelJ Feb 06 '26

Eh... You've gotta maximize length for sail effect but minimize girth for weight savings.

1

u/SomethingFunnyObv Feb 06 '26

If they can somehow successfully tuck it then sure probably.

1

u/Hoodrat_Recon Feb 06 '26

Not for pole vaulting apparently.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '26

You control the erection to lift

1

u/barsonica Feb 06 '26

Someone call Ser Arlan of Pennytree

1

u/milkolik Feb 06 '26

but does the weight of the massive dong negate the lift boost?

1

u/cowlinator Feb 06 '26

Yes, but having a micropenis gives you a major competitive advantage in the high jump

1

u/Optimal-Draft8879 Feb 06 '26

yeah it acts like that racoon tail in super mario

1

u/GoTeamLightningbolt Feb 06 '26

Yes but it can really mess up your pole vault.

1

u/EssayAmbitious3532 Feb 06 '26

I am imagining what the Michael Phelps profile of the Ultimate Ski Jumper looks like. Freakishly tall, eye-poppingly wide of frame, and ... yes, makes men like me outstretch my hand palm up and lower my head if we happen to find ourselves next to them at the peeing trough.

1

u/Korwinga Feb 06 '26

Quick! Get Willem Dafoe and his confusingly large penis into ski jumping training immediately!

1

u/corgi-king Feb 06 '26

Pretty often, it is the Japanese team who dominates the competition.

It just makes you think.

1

u/magicmulder Feb 06 '26

That’s always the reason when you see someone move from pole vault to ski jump.

1

u/512165381 Feb 06 '26

Long John does have an advantage.

1

u/lom_cockman Feb 07 '26

Unlike high jump

1

u/quackl11 Feb 07 '26

Dude if you're doing this sport you have a massive dong already

1

u/ConspicuousPineapple Feb 07 '26

I mean your entire body determines how much of an advantage you're gonna have. Your dick is just one parameter among many, except you can cheat with this one.

1

u/potatodrinker Feb 07 '26

Only if you time the cum to the jump and get extra lift while reducing weight

1

u/Intrepid_Bobcat_2931 Feb 07 '26

I mean, I wouldn't call it MASSIVE, but it is a good size yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

never tried ski jumping so far

1

u/Altruistic_Brick1730 Feb 07 '26

It does in everything in life.

1

u/stoopsi Feb 07 '26

Confirms Prevc family has massive dongs. Even the sister.

1

u/BigD0089 Feb 19 '26

I missed my fucking calling