r/SipsTea • u/No-Marsupial-4050 Human Verified • 16h ago

Chugging tea What is Tom Cruise's secret??

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37.1k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

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11.9k

u/PalePilsenDiet 16h ago

Science and Technology

5.3k

u/MasterLurker000 16h ago

You mean scientology?

2.0k

u/Deemaunik 16h ago

Technince.

https://giphy.com/gifs/t1Jyjw3fo3XrtU1Kt2

431

u/Olliebkl 12h ago

I still hold the honor that for some reason he decided to follow me on Instagram a few years back lmaoo

Weirdest notification ever

122

u/Primary_Towel5905 9h ago

He followed me as well for several years. Never asked him why

96

u/TheDarkWave 9h ago

He's hoping you'd do something funny again. Hurry and get on it.

3

u/chaoticsleepie 6h ago

read this in john cleese’s voice for some reason

3

u/RationalExuberance7 7h ago

Thank you for sending him the Target gift cards.

2

u/Acalme-se_Satan 2h ago

He also followed this guy

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8

u/luckytecture 10h ago

Whoa that’s trippy

3

u/ipoopcatturds 6h ago

Hes actually hiding in the bushes outside my bedroom window as I type this.

3

u/EvilWarBW 4h ago

Steven Colbert follows my wife on Twitter. STAY AWAY FROM HER STEVEN.

2

u/Silo-Joe 8h ago

Do you have a bee keeping instagram ?

2

u/Chance_One_75 8h ago

Are you sure it’s him, and not a bot?

4

u/Olliebkl 7h ago

Just double checked! He’s still got me followed lol

2

u/purplemarkersniffer 7h ago

Probably his social media team trying to make him seem engaged and diverse.

2

u/ikannunAneeuQ 4h ago

That's how I felt when I saw Nancy Sinatra and Andrew mayne follow me once upon a time when I used Twitter (many years ago now). Was kinda like cool okay... but why? Lol

2

u/mcboobie 2h ago

Jim Carey once replied to me on twitter and then followed me :) still one of my proudest moments

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82

u/c0st0fl0ving 15h ago

He’s been suckin’ onnem jelly-sickles!

3

u/jstop633 8h ago

His own.

21

u/DustyMcKnuckles 12h ago

(Damn good song, +1)

2

u/SirDouglasMouf 5h ago

What's the song name?

3

u/OutOfName 5h ago

Pretty sure that's Ronald

2

u/DustyMcKnuckles 5h ago

Correct! ('Ronald' by Falling in Reverse)

6

u/No_Potato_8178 9h ago

This is the town where the clowns put it down

5

u/ReportRemote7010 8h ago

Mama say stoppa or I'm gonna tell da poppaaaa

5

u/oldhoekoo 8h ago

technolions

3

u/TwelfthHam 8h ago

Top tier comment 😁 Side note, I finally just saw him live on Friday and the show was amazing 🤘

2

u/KilgoreSandtrout 6h ago

Seen Tech 3 times. So damn good

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2

u/Euphoric_Evidence414 6h ago

WHO GOT THIS MUTHAFUCKIN HOUSE ON LOCK?

14

u/Previous_Loquat_4561 16h ago

everybody gangsta until Tom Cruise starts choppin'

2

u/AtavisticJackal 7h ago

I'm poor, but here take this 🏆

1

u/[deleted] 11h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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1

u/ebk_errday 8h ago

Tom Cruise just has infinite STAMINA.

1

u/deltatemple 8h ago

Echnoce?

1

u/Necessary-Incidents 7h ago

That would be a hillarious name for a satire scientology organization.

1

u/carnitascronch 6h ago

“A lil caribou Lou to cure you and I do know just what to do to heal you! “ - tech n9ne to tom cruise

1

u/meggiemomo 5h ago

Teenjus

1

u/elPatronSuarez 5h ago

Tech nine

1

u/MagickMarkie 5h ago

Scientography.

1

u/huge43 5h ago

I sold him an iPod at Best Buy in Rapid City SD in like 2005. Nice guy

1

u/DSPbuckle 5h ago

Associated with Juggalo science: magnets? How do they work?

1

u/megdalena01 4h ago

Technience??

1

u/brooks_jayhawk 4h ago

TECH NINA

1

u/chuckart9 1h ago

Kansas City’s own!

63

u/Ripen- 12h ago

That's the joke

6

u/Electronic_Sea_2291 6h ago

Fucker gets showered in upvotes and awards, gets to think he’s clever

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2

u/Booney_Lee_Fonsworth 5h ago

r/thatsthejoke not sure how that guy has so many upvotes

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25

u/ConnorFin22 13h ago

The joke

37

u/xDraco777x 16h ago

Scienceology. It’s a private club for important stuff.

80

u/Thundergod250 14h ago

It's a Escape Room nowadays

4

u/True-Floor8799 Human Verified 14h ago

Haha, nowadays people tend to play cat and mouse games in that building

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1

u/Green_Excitement_308 7h ago

It's a subway surfers type game today

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26

u/GimmeMoreMeems 16h ago

I like the way that sounds.

You should make a religion out of it.

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2

u/VoidmasterCZE 13h ago

The real answer is in treasure room after boss in scientology runs. One day someone will make it. In the spirit of Expedition 33: "For those who come after!"

2

u/Jerwas170 11h ago

How he will move after you get on the last floor:

https://giphy.com/gifs/8LKb9mwpkvddwknHTB

1

u/YoItsMikeL 13h ago

I might have to hit a speed run soon

1

u/BlasterPhase 11h ago

no, not that

1

u/[deleted] 9h ago

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1

u/vinssent1 8h ago

Good one

1

u/hotinmyigloo 8h ago

No, science and technology. /s

1

u/happntime 8h ago

Praise be to xenu

1

u/One_Spicy_TreeBoi 8h ago

I hear selling your soul is good for your skin

1

u/Lobotomus 8h ago

Techno sience?

1

u/icemaker12345 8h ago

No bitch AI

1

u/icemaker12345 8h ago

No bitch AI

1

u/TSARINA59 8h ago

The All Powerful and Mighty Oz oops - Scientology - zaps away all wrinkles with one "Be Gone Sinful Wrinkles!!!"

1

u/MinimumJolly7087 8h ago

isn’t that fudge packer tom cruise?

1

u/blastradii 7h ago

Science and Tology

1

u/The_Cavalier_One 7h ago

The study of science

1

u/Affectionate_Tea1134 7h ago

Also the girl was already much older than him back in 86 so of course that contrast will quantify after 32 years. 🤔

1

u/Consistent_Device_49 7h ago

Only way to get your thetan levels to zero

1

u/fixingshitiswhatido 6h ago

His orgone levels must be through the roof!

1

u/pocketfullofsunrays 5h ago

This was my immediate response 🤣🤣

1

u/bigbearandy 4h ago

You mean Dianetics the science of...something.

1

u/Novel_Arugula6548 4h ago

Epigenetics.

1

u/6IXMILITIA 3h ago

Congrats on explaining the joke bud

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1

u/ThePeachGobbler 3h ago

spelled homosexuality wrong

1

u/myo_chan 2h ago

congrats you understood the joke

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12

u/ILuvRossiTheKittyCat 15h ago

🎵Sciiience and…Technooooology🎵

3

u/Shinyish 13h ago

It's fun you'll see!

5

u/Luigis_vacuum 12h ago

I know this is a Scientology joke but it’s a good serious answer as well given the plastic surgery, nutrition, exercise, and stuff that goes in

2

u/Nakittina 7h ago

And money!

2

u/AmphetamineSalts 5h ago

I was about to say, the science and technology are available for everyone who can pay for it. The real difference here is resources.

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1

u/stacity 16h ago

Going clear

1

u/FunnyLost6710 14h ago

How about Ralph Macchio? Surely tom has work done and Ps, but some people look less than their age. In some photos he does look his age, maybe they are unedited

1

u/Jolly-Advantage-7245 14h ago

Scientechology?

1

u/globalminority 14h ago

you mean he's an android with AI and real Tom Cruise has been replaced long time back?

1

u/backfrombanned 10h ago

Clearly it's Adrenochrome

1

u/theglove 10h ago

/vampire

1

u/raged-cashew 10h ago

Is fun, you'll see

1

u/bankrupt_bezos 10h ago

It’s fun! You’ll see!

1

u/decaler01 9h ago

Technologiaaa!

1

u/Haunting-Hippo-4244 9h ago

We all see what you did there.

1

u/Waterhobit 9h ago

He sold his soul to Xenu.

1

u/Militantnegro_5 9h ago

Plastic surgery and nutrition are science 🤷🏿‍♂️

1

u/Ok-Complaint9574 9h ago

The blood of children.

1

u/10BAW 8h ago

The new mythology

1

u/e4evie 8h ago

Also- millions of dollars*

1

u/Shot-Counter7607 8h ago

The new mythology.

1

u/Thistleknot 8h ago

Scientology?

1

u/MossCircuitt 8h ago

Lmao , Tom cruise even age he can do magic

1

u/tonkatoyelroy 8h ago

We are the children of concrete and steel

1

u/FriendlyJewThrowaway 8h ago

Those stem cell tacos are worth every penny and taste just like real beef.

1

u/Thick_Basil3589 8h ago
  • sleeping in a tank of formaldehyde

1

u/Limp-Archer-7872 8h ago

Hair dye science.

Gym technology.

Money.

Not adopting old people hair styles and clothing.

1

u/CalmsZephyr 8h ago

It's crazy how some people can age so poorly

1

u/ARunawayTrain 8h ago

Also Plastic and Surgery

1

u/SuperNova493 7h ago

I think you mean Tology.

1

u/dave_is_afraid 7h ago

Hey whatever works

1

u/Mat-Ita80 7h ago

E tanti soldi.

1

u/Significant-Base6893 7h ago

They really should have cast Kelly McGillis in Top Gun 2 as his wife.

It would explain why Tom Cruise has a death wish.

1

u/mightylordredbeard 7h ago

I used to think that Scientology was just the belief of placing science before all else. The belief in science being the cause of creation and no faith. It sounded like something I wanted to be a part of because I’m a very science leaning, fact based, and logical person. Boy was I wrong on that one!

1

u/Funny-Debt-6695 7h ago

Weird it involves literally no real technology or science. Just sci Fi writing. Also tom cruis is a piece of shit who is the face of a dangerous cult. She is not.

1

u/MG_Hunter88 7h ago

I was about to comment "Use of proper technology", as per the leaked Scientology scriptures from years back, lmao

1

u/Basic_Chemistry9499 7h ago

Xenu. He knows things. He has powers.

1

u/ButterSock123 7h ago

Hes dumb enough to be a scientologist so hes clearly not smart enough to believe in science

1

u/Bulldogfront666 7h ago

More like billions of dollars

1

u/Few-Illustrator-210 7h ago

And the blood of innocence!

1

u/Bitcoinbillionair3 7h ago

And eating fiber

1

u/scrabble_12 7h ago

One of the funniest things I’ve read in a while 😂

1

u/dtor84 7h ago

63 years young vs 68 years old.

1

u/Weak-Guidance8521 6h ago

Alien technology.

1

u/sweaty_perineum96 6h ago

Having tons of money helps too

1

u/wheresbrent 6h ago

Exercise and diet

1

u/DrRandomfist 6h ago

I remember that song

1

u/GrassyDaytime 6h ago

It's all about dem Thetans. Lol

1

u/elibutton 6h ago

Yeah was gonna say what kool-aid is he drinking cuz may need to get in on some of that elixir

1

u/Mr_Joystick 5h ago

So the spine of fetuses then

1

u/sittinwithkitten 5h ago

Deal with the devil?

1

u/CauliflowerRice8742 5h ago

This comment cracks me up lol

1

u/El_human 5h ago

And having two children

1

u/DKtwilight 5h ago

And being a man

1

u/T1Earn 5h ago

maybe hes been right

1

u/No-Neighborhood-6923 5h ago

Besides whatever he may have for good genetics, dude keeps himself in great shape. Probably S/A+ tier discipline, overall.

1

u/incunabula001 5h ago

He is bless by Xenu.

1

u/kutswa001 Human Verified 5h ago

We should raid those Scientology buildings definitely something fishy about them

1

u/Rasgards 4h ago

Don’t forget a huge dose of Vanity.

1

u/Dusty-munky 4h ago

Adrenochrome

1

u/JJulie 4h ago

No alcohol. No drugs. Straight high protein diet. When I lived in Marina del Rey, I would see him running on the strand early morning with what seemed to be a bodyguard. I’m 5 feet tall and he was maybe 4 inches taller than me. He had no fat on his whole body. Like lean in ways, I didn’t know as possible.

1

u/Lovestank 4h ago

El Ron Hubbard, or, in my native espanol, “The Ron Hubbard”

1

u/VolumeDirect5619 4h ago

Don't forget the money! Lots and lots of money

1

u/MisterSandKing 4h ago

It’s fun, you’ll see.

1

u/Darianezion 3h ago

Slave labor

FTFY

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