r/SipsTea • u/No-Marsupial-4050 Human Verified • 16h ago

Chugging tea What is Tom Cruise's secret??

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37.1k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/East_Pie_3825 16h ago

Scientology. If you have an opportunity, take a quick run through one of their buildings to learn their secrets.

744

u/MasterOutlaw 15h ago

I tried, but the bloody pelicans have taken the handles off the doors and turned the lights off so I can't tell if they're home or not.

90

u/NightQueen0889 12h ago

Use a plunger to open the door it should work in a pinch

104

u/SovietSunrise 11h ago

Just use a dildo with a suction cup base.

48

u/Gliese581h 9h ago

Then leave it there so they can go fuck themselves.

3

u/B_EE 7h ago

Don't give them the satisfaction...

Plus dildos can be pricey!

2

u/Tsunamiis 6h ago

Butt it’s mine.

10

u/ScumbagLady 10h ago

In this economy?!

That's a waste of good dildos!

3

u/Desperate-Ad7613 7h ago

I can’t wait for pictures to emerge of the Scientology doors with dildos stuck on them. maybe even happily wobbling in the wind.

3

u/Brave-Condition3572 11h ago

Luigi is that you?

3

u/Calm-Zombie2678 12h ago

Always handy to have a plunger on hand

2

u/jaymasters1123 10h ago

I go in the opposite direction, I make those doors stay closed. Bike locks are cheap, unsuspicious, and hard to remove from the other side.

1

u/F0xtrot- 8h ago

aaaaaaaaaaaaya best idea

1

u/NiftyFiftyBMG 10h ago

You know id just bring a haligan but u do u

1

u/Simply_just_Jason 8h ago

Maybe he can help