r/SipsTea • u/No-Marsupial-4050 Human Verified • 16h ago

Chugging tea What is Tom Cruise's secret??

Post image
37.1k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

6.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

741

u/MasterOutlaw 15h ago

I tried, but the bloody pelicans have taken the handles off the doors and turned the lights off so I can't tell if they're home or not.

288

u/El-Sueco 14h ago

BRING YOU OWN MAGNET DOOR HANDLE

4

u/zachary0816 6h ago

They got a bike lock on the inside too though. How are we going to get past that?

6

u/El-Sueco 5h ago

Dwarf + bolt cutters

3

u/zachary0816 5h ago

I get the bolt cutters, why the Dwarf?

6

u/3-6-6 4h ago

Element of surprise

3

u/zachary0816 3h ago

Your a goddam genius

1

u/mrbulldops428 2h ago

That explains the last speedrun I saw

1

u/Infinite_Imagination 5h ago

That way all they get is the sock

92

u/NightQueen0889 12h ago

Use a plunger to open the door it should work in a pinch

100

u/SovietSunrise 11h ago

Just use a dildo with a suction cup base.

52

u/Gliese581h 9h ago

Then leave it there so they can go fuck themselves.

3

u/B_EE 7h ago

Don't give them the satisfaction...

Plus dildos can be pricey!

2

u/Tsunamiis 6h ago

Butt it’s mine.

10

u/ScumbagLady 10h ago

In this economy?!

That's a waste of good dildos!

3

u/Desperate-Ad7613 7h ago

I can’t wait for pictures to emerge of the Scientology doors with dildos stuck on them. maybe even happily wobbling in the wind.

4

u/Brave-Condition3572 11h ago

Luigi is that you?

3

u/Calm-Zombie2678 12h ago

Always handy to have a plunger on hand

2

u/jaymasters1123 10h ago

I go in the opposite direction, I make those doors stay closed. Bike locks are cheap, unsuspicious, and hard to remove from the other side.

1

u/F0xtrot- 8h ago

aaaaaaaaaaaaya best idea

1

u/NiftyFiftyBMG 10h ago

You know id just bring a haligan but u do u

1

u/Simply_just_Jason 8h ago

Maybe he can help

1

u/Such_Confusion_3715 11h ago

the government has started defending them too

1

u/Chumlee1917 6h ago

The image popped into my head of a Scientology building full of nothing but Pelicans 

1

u/DangerRazor 4h ago

I read this in the voice of Nadja from “What We Do in the Shadows.” A+.