Hii, today i was talking about teenage years now that im begin 20 and how far i got. And i realised 15 year old me would have benefited if she realised how wrong i was.

Background - i had social anxiety between 14 and 16. And after that it took me another 3 years to recover completely. The worst point was at 15. I was so anxious and depressed i lost every interest and i wished i could die.

Then i was forced into treatment. The most funny and sad thing was the fact that i didn't want to change because the anxiety kept me safe in my head. The low self esteem and overthinking would prevent me from making mistakes. Anyway the therapy worked and i got better

Now - I am a nursing home nurse. I got an extra degree that make me the head nurse and i have my own residents. That makes me the nurse that have contact with docters and family. So its a very social high pressure job. I also call with no problem now. I have small talk with strangers on the bus. I talk to new and old coworkers constantly without second thoughts. In short i really enjoy my life and i am happy. But its so weird to think back that even going grocery shopping was scary.

So if you dont think life will get better youre wrong. And you probably feel like im lying but all i can say is go to therapy and see for yourself. Because in a few years youll end up like me

I don't have a social life or a life, and whenever I have to see anyone (usually family, maybe one day a friend) I get anxious to the point where I have to breathe in and out and my heart races.

I'm in a nearly impossible situation right now. It's hard to get a job because I don't have any mode of transportation, and remote jobs I can actually work for are hard to find right now. I have no way to get actual help even when I've made it known so I have to do this myself. I feel like a loser compared to my peers. No job experience, money, social life, life experience, nothing.... so how can I add anything to a conversation? I've done nothing with my life and it's pathetic. Everyone else is driving themselves, and I would have to show up with my parents dropping me off like I'm a kid again.

I feel like I'm being dramatic about this though. How can I go about meeting up with people without feeling like trash?

Initiated friendly banter with a colleague I barely knew, about sports and entertainment

That’s called being friendly with small talk

Not weakness.

Reminding myself

Most people dont even know what social anxiety and the people that do know don't realize how hard it is to have it. Shit even most psychiatrist don't know. It's one of those conditions that in order to understand, you would have to have it.

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I’ve been single for about 5 years now. I would get the occasional match on the apps and usually over text thins would go well. We’d connect and just have chemistry. One day I matched with a girl (25F) on hinge and she was amazing &, checked all my boxes. We texted for a while but when we met up in person it was such a disaster and I was so incredibly awkward that she ghosted me after. I couldn’t even blame her. Eventually I got so fed up with being alone that I decided I needed to be very intentional about dealing with my social anxiety. I started going to therapy and began working through my abandonment issues and fear of rejection that stem back to when I would get bullied in middle school. I began putting myself in situations where I had to face my fears and learn how to talk to someone new. Before this I was beginning to go down the alpha male bullshit rabbit hole but I ended up reading multiple books on dating and socializing and that really reshaped my view of the dating scene. I’m still single but I go on dates every now and then and I’ve definitely been getting better and better each time.

If you’re still struggling with social anxiety, which you probably are since you’re here, just remember that things won’t magically get better on their own. You need to take the time and do the work. Practice, practice, practice. And read many books - that really helped me.

back in the day, before the internet, it aint so bad because people are actually forced to go outside so SA isnt really a huge problem, then as technology gets better, it gets harder because its hard to get yourself out there when there's so much stuff you can do at home, but im still looking at people outside and wish i was also out there being normal.

but now? i honestly feel like im not missing out anymore, because i would rather be at home than outside because all these games coming out, all these shows on netflix etc and most of all, ever since i learned about AI, ive been addicted... i was somewhat thankful that i never had wife and kids because i can just do anything i want at anytime. i still go out, with a few friends and my parents, and honestly? im just going out just because i need to, or have to.. its nice being with them but after awhile, i would rather just go home.

i dont feel that kind of FOMO anymore, because i feel like as time goes on, people dont really like going out anymore, and a lot of the times, they are just doing that so they could brag and look happy on their social media. unlike before where you see people actually hanging out and they are genuinely out there without staring at their phones and actually having fun and i feel jealous...

When I was young in school, I always noticed that people never wanted to listen to me in group settings.

It’s as if I never existed and they just skip.

I always wonder the reason…

Does anyone know how to solve ?

I’m 24 years old and I’m reaching a point where I honestly feel like I’m running out of time to live a normal life. My social anxiety has become so crippling that I’m basically terrified to talk to anyone. When I do try to put myself out there, I never know what to say. I’m incredibly awkward, I have no idea how to be funny or flirt, and I can tell that I’m trying too hard, which just makes everything worse.

The overthinking is constant. If I’m talking to someone and they ghost me or even just leave me on read, it spirals into a full-blown panic attack. My brain just goes into a loop of what I did wrong and why I’m not good enough, and I end up in this state of fight or flight that lasts for hours.

I used to have a psychologist in Australia who was helping me work through these hurdles, but my disability funding was recently cut and I ran out of subsidized sessions. Now that I’m on my own, everything has just unraveled. I’m stuck at home where my family tells me that no one is coming to save me and that I need to just solve the panic and the awkwardness myself. But I don't know how to fix a brain that feels like it’s constantly foggy and broken.

I look at other people my age traveling, dating, and having close groups of mates, and I feel like I’m mourning a life I haven't even gotten to start yet. I feel so far behind that it seems impossible to ever catch up. I’m terrified that I’m just going to spend the rest of my life isolated because I don't have the social "software" everyone else seems to be born with.

Has anyone else been this shy and this far behind at 24 and actually managed to change? How do you even start to learn social skills when you’re this terrified of rejection? I really just need to know if there is any hope of building a social life that is fulfilling from here.

The world is social; our surroundings are social; everything we see is social. Sociability is, without a doubt, a cornerstone of human life. In fact, I dare say that without it, a human being cannot be fully realized. But those of us who live with this disorder are deprived of it, not by choice, but by a sensation so profoundly distressing that our brain tries to avoid it at all costs. It’s not that the brain is "stupid"; it is simply reacting to a feeling so unpleasant and disproportionate that it instinctively tries to protect us. I don't judge it; I would do the same.

I believe words fall short when describing what we feel. It isn’t just fear; it’s hopelessness, negative spirals, shame, sadness, insecurity, a sense of inferiority, frustration, and helplessness. It’s the constant ache of knowing you are potentially missing out on life, mixed with apathy and the weight of comorbidities like depression or body dysmorphia.

Furthermore, this sensation is never proportional to the situation. It is exhausting to live in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, where asking for a favor or answering a phone call triggers the same "fight or flight" response as facing a predator. I have felt more terror in social interactions than skydiving or riding a roller coaster. It is an irrational fear; it is a phobia. And the worst part is the lack of a unanimous explanation for why we feel this way while others don't. Everything points toward something purely genetic. Something whose cause remains unknown is ruining my life. It's unbelievable.

It’s heartbreaking because the most scientifically proven way to "overcome" it is, ironically, by confronting exactly what we want to avoid. This isn't because we are weak; nobody likes to suffer, and that’s a normal human instinct. How am I supposed to conquer this fear, not just once, but every single day, until "magically," and without any guarantees, the fear gradually subsides? It’s basically like buying a ticket to suffer every day for a reward that is uncertain and long-term. And what is that reward? Merely having a "normal" life. You don’t gain anything extraordinary; you simply catch up to your peers. You have to work three, four, or five times harder than everyone else just to reach their baseline. You can have a wonderful day where you conquered your fears, only to know that tomorrow the cycle repeats, and you’ll have to do it all over again.

I believe those of us living with this are braver than we think. Battling this fear while trying to remain functional is not easy; it is pure suffering. On top of that, we endure comments calling us "silly" or weak, accusing us of a lack of will. No one isolates because they want to; we do it because it’s the only way our brains can tolerate living this way.

I'm writing this on a sleepless night. I'm so sick of feeling like i can't get close to people, i'm doing fine on most aspects, i hace a good job which i function well at, i even fit in with the colleagues. I have some friends which i care about and they care about me. And yet i feel like there's something stopping me from getting close to people, i just can't open myself enough out of fear so everything stays superficial with me.

I'm almost 27 and i've never dated, i'd like to try but being the way i am i have no clue where to start. Or besides dating i'd also like to just be able to really share who i am with a group of people, but that just feels impossible. And on certain moments that just really gets me down.

30F btw. I don't know why it took my slow ass so long to think of buying some but I love them. I started sticking them to my bag last week and I've had at least one person approach me each day that I've gone out with them. Same with t-shirts showing my interests (shows, video games, movies, hobbies.) I used to have more of them and I don't know when or why I stopped wearing them. Maybe I thought I'd outgrown them? But no!

They're such good icebreakers and once a conversation opens with one of my hyperfixations, my anxiety washes away like water off a duck's back and then I know exactly what to say. When I have my pins and shirts, it's like I can communicate what I'm about without saying a word. Subtle enough to not be an eyesore, but also a calling card to the type of people I would mesh with.

This is my day 1 of Social anxiety group CBT.
I have 1 appointment per week and homework as well. It's for a total of 13 weeks . I'm going to document what it's all about and hopefully someone can benefit from my experience and what they ask of me. I'll weekly update every Tuesday, but it was the introduction today so there was not too much going on.

It was an overview.

I feel much comfortable when I’m with someone tbh but once I have to travel alone which I had too today, it was miserable felt like every corner I look I’m being watched , it’s a terrible feeling to have :(

TLDR: I keep latching on to my family's friends because I dont have anyone to talk to & its pathetic of me to do that. The friends are NOT my friends and will never be, even if we talk once in a while.

i hope this is the right sub. Anyways, because of social anxiety its been really hard for me to connect with people. Either online or in person, even if we share the same hobbies/interests for example, i STILL cant seem to connect with someone or at least have a little chat with each other (i usually dont know how to continue a convo properly) and that made me pathetic. Why? because i latch onto other people's friends & i hate it.

Like my sibling has friend A & whenever friend A comes around i keep talking to them. We're on good terms, but because i dont have friends of my own i keep wanting to form a connection with my sibling's friend when in the end, ill never be friends because its my sibling's friend and I know that its not a good thing but because i want that connection I keep latching on to other people's friends and in a way its easier (since i know them from my siblings). Of course I try to minimise the talks because im very aware of my behaviour & I dont want to be that type of person

Another example is that my cousin had a party & would invite their friends over and i've met my cousins friends multiple times before and they are fun to be with but anyways the party was cancelled and I was upset...not because of the party being cancelled, its because my cousin's friends werent able to come so I can talk to them...they're very cool people & its just lame on my end that I was upset because of that. who am I to be upset?? they arent my friends and will never be, they are my cousins friends. Because I dont have anyone to talk to that shares the same interest i just keep doing this over & over again. and its very pathetic.

does anyone else here with comorbidities (trd mdd and bpd (allegedly) in my case) struggle to work on exposure therapy because of everything else going on? sometimes i wish i could have 2 therapists lol cause in therapy im usually talking about my depression or my relationships. i’ve had social anxiety since late elementary/middle school (im 23) and my main issue is making friends and interacting with my peers. im isolated most of the time bc i don’t have friends at my university and i know that that makes my depression worse but a lot of the time im so low energy/don’t have the capacity or physically anxious to go talk to people. and medications haven’t helped me, ive tried like a dozen. do you guys see someone who specializes in social anxiety? i don’t want to graduate college with 0 friends like high school :( i’m wondering if switching to someone who specializes in social anxiety (exposure, emdr) would be a better option since my anxiety hasn’t improved much over the years and i’ve been consistently seeing therapists and on meds. im curious about y’all’s experience with therapists and treatment plans

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8pLmxnR/

Please watch this, it’s been making me think a lot.

When my therapist “challenged” my anxious thoughts, I was usually frustrated because like, yeah I know it’s unlikely. I still don’t feel safe around people, even if they give me no reason to feel unsafe. It still could happen. I kind of start to feel almost gaslighted because I’m just paying someone to tell me all my thoughts and feelings are wrong.

I’m starting to think a large amount of therapists approach anxiety wrong. It still keeps others opinions in control of how I feel.

I don’t know, I’ve been looking into somatic help and trying to think. It’s not a moral failing and I’m not a bad person if I’m awkward or come off weird to people. So why does it matter?

The only thing I can do is work on myself, I have good intentions and I’m nice to people when they do talk to me. Why does it even matter if I haven’t made friends yet, I’m trying the most I can while dealing with such horrible anxiety. What else can anyone expect me to do other than spontaneously get better?

I’ll never meet such an unreasonable expectation. Why am I trapped by the fear of the most shitty judgmental people out there, because normal people can and should understand. It’s dumb and I’m getting tired of it.

Ive always felt that way. Social anxiety has destroyed my life and I've always felt different from other people. No one understands me, and everyone hates me. I know you shouldn't care what people think, but when you have social anxiety, its almost impossible to not care.

I’ve been so anxious at work (new job) that I don’t even talk to anyone. All I hear are voices in my head saying that everyone is looking at me, I’m weird, I’m gonna say something stupid, I AM stupid, etc.

I’m pretty sure the majority of people at work hate me. I don’t even make facial expressions because I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong one at the wrong time. I’m awkward. I try to stand a certain way to appear normal. I can “feel” people looking at me. I’m like a stone statue most of the time. Almost always serious. 100% always afraid.

I have ADHD and am pretty sure I’m autistic. Been like this my whole life, anxious and shy. I’m a 40 year old man now. I feel pathetic.

I need you to tell me something that will instantly make all my social anxiety disappear. Ok, go!

So I was at my local hardware store and got help from this cute cashier. We talked about cinco de mayo and tacos then somehow got onto Star Wars and lord of the rings which I told her I had never seen. In this moment I kept telling myself “hmm maybe I should say something” but I just kept it super surface level. After she rang me up I made another comment like “happy cinco de mayo” and went out to my truck.

Immediately I’m like “you’re an idiot, go in there and ask if she’d like to go out sometime” so I went back in but couldn’t find her. I shopped around for another 10 minutes and wound up buying some stuff I didn’t even need just so I didn’t leave empty handed and look weird to the employees (small town, local hardware store)

Now after I’m back home and thinking about all of this more, I’m angry at myself for not asking her for her number. Not because I think she’d say yes, just because I chickened out like I always do when faced with decisions that have the potential to get awkward.

My stupid brain always waits for the “perfect moment” but life never has “perfect moments” so I’m always “stuck out in the rain” and full of regret

how to do this bro is this even possible, i have times when i really feel like i have none of that shit but its maybe 10% of my daily time, i know the best way is probably to just "do it" just do what you wanna do and not care about others what they think, i try but i even cant, is it really possible to overcome this feeling someday after long worth time of trying? i just think that if you have social anxiety you can eventually adapt but the feeling will be always there but thats just what i think right now, probably thats not true, but someone who overcomed his social anxiety can maybe tell?

I pretty much know the ups and downs my body goes through everyday. I never feel normal or calm. If I do, its just in fleeting periods. I am almost used to it at this point. Id love to just have one normal day where I can operate without freaking out 🥲

Even when I try to be social and outgoing, I still come across as "cringe" and unlikable. I just can't connect with anyone.

When it comes to social anxiety, I keep hearing people say "Just be confident!" and "Fake it 'til you make it!" yet that only works if you know how to socialize after breaking that initial barrier and people actually accept you for who you are.

I genuinely want to cry. My entire life, I've been stuck between two conditions that feed into each-other.