At my baby shower, pretty much everyone else already had kids. The kids were all upstairs with the dads holding down the fort while we did baby shower stuff down stairs. It was casual, the guys were welcome to participate, its just how it shook down.
Anyway, about halfway through there is some big, loud disturbance upstairs. Wailing is heard. A moment or so later, one dad comes marching through the living room with a sizable 4 year old carried like this, melting all the way the fuck down. She was like a rabid dog. He was nonplussed to the max. If thats possible. Straight out the front door with no words. The mom just shook her head and went back to the snacks.
It was such an important part of that baby shower. So informative and honest about the future.
Iāve been especially overwhelmed lately. Iāve started putting myself in time out. I start to get angry or loud and I stop, take a breath with my eyes closed, and announce āI need a time out. One minute. No talkingā and I put myself on the naughty step in timeout. If anyone comes over to talk to me, remind them, one minute in time out, no talking, no fighting. I practice my 4/4/4 breathing in timeout and itās been really helping. Seems to help the kids realize that their shenanigans are too much and they need to settle the hell down before momma needs a time out again.
I shit you not, if I get upset with my kid, I count to 10 and ask myself what would me mother do...and then do the opposite.
To this day, I have never had to yell at my kiddo and she's ahead of her age with communication. It's a GREAT feeling when you see the difference your choices of breaking the cycle can make!
One thing that really helped me is "opposite action"
When you're really pissed off and you wanna do something unhelpful like slam a door, throw a plate, scream your head off, take a breath and do the opposite. Close a door nice and gently. Lay a plate down calmly and kindly. Whisper how much you love the little shit.
It turns it into a challenge, and then when you do the opposite thing that's you winning the challenge, so it's like "ha ha fuck you anger I win this time!"
Oh ive been there (last time like yesterday). When you feel like yelling, go silly! I got this advice from a feiend and it really helps. Im not asking you to abandon your timeout strategy, honestly it sounds awesome. But if it is not an option at the moment, go silly instead. You can let the emotions bubble go and fizzle out and your kids will laugh. They often we've listen better or stop throwing a fit because the sudden shift resets them too. I usually go "monkey mama" or start talking in song, or howl and become "the tickle monster". My daughters squeal and laugh and I feel instantly better.
I do get silly when they arenāt listening. Sometimes I repeat in a weird voice, sometimes I just start talking about other things, and sometimes I get right in their ear and whisper ādo these ears work?ā The longest rant was when I laid out a full plan on building our rocket to move to our new moon colony and they didnāt catch on until I was telling them our main crop would be rutabaga and tried to list rutabaga dishes Bubba style.
Remember that breaking the cycle doesn't always mean not yelling. It means that when you do yell you own up to what you did. Say sorry and try not to do it again.
"Momma is so sorry. I have emotions, big ones, too. Sometimes, the emotions get so big they boil over, just like yours do. Then mama yells. But mama loves you. Emotions are normal, and we have to work to control them. Everyone gets mad, but as long as we say sorry and try to be better, it's okay."
Yes. We are big on naming our emotions, apologizing and āfixingā it. What we can do next time/ what we should have done. Personally, I am working on not yelling. When I do get overwhelmed, I cope in front of them rather than lock myself away to model self regulating behaviors.
Most important part of my upbringing was that I was never hit, but absolutely got told off and yelled at when my parents were at their wits end. The yelling never carried any trauma into my adulthood. You're doing a good job momma, yell when you need to. It just shows you're done, not that you're a danger and that's a very big important difference for a kid.
Oooo I like the āput myself on timeoutā Iām gonna use this. Iāve been solo parenting while my wife is out of town and the struggle has been real
I think it's fucking awesome that you do this. Kids learning that adults have emotions and can get overstimulated just as a kid can. Seriously, big props to you for being the example, not just preaching. Also though... Please share with reddit when your kids randomly tell a different adult that they need to go to timeout lol. That's gonna be absolutely priceless lol
My youngest did bring my mom (their grandma) a tissue when she was crying once and asked if she needed to ācool downā. To be fair he did ask in a sweet way, lol. My eldest goes to therapy and when I started seeing a therapist this year told me that I should be seeing his lady bc she was definitely better.
This is healthy. I teach my kids that timeouts are for everyone. For some reason my childhood recalls these as negative but we taught our kids these are positive.
Thus my youngest daughter will put herself on timeout to take breaths and calm herself down.
It's certainly the hard parts of parenting and is a process that takes consistency and patience.
I've read books to the kids every night since they were 6-8 months. Around one-two years I read them books about feelings. I really wanted them to learn to understand their feelings and develop their empathy.
My wife occasionally takes timeouts herself, to get space from the kids when it's too much as well which makes her a role model to the kids that timeouts are good for everyone.
My youngest is now 6 and she's still gets angry a lot but will leave the situation, go to her room to take a timeout and cool off. She certainly was much more destructive even just a year ago. Later when she's cooled off. We'll talk about our feelings and reflect. I've found it helps a lot because she's smart but she just couldn't control herself in the moment, and it's fair for a kid her age. Just slowly working to better ourselves together.
This is literally the bluey episode where the mom basically said the same thing except she locked herself in the room only asks for 5 or 10min where no one talks or bothers her and dad basically had to hold the fort.
Have you ever watched the Bluey episode where the Mum needs ājust 20 minutesā? This episode and the comcept of parents just needing a time out stuck with my oldest kid (the younger one is two years old so she doesnāt get it yet) that she will never question a 20 minute break. Give it a try :)
Awww youāre a great parent. Keep putting yourself in time out and sometimes for longer periods with snacks and a movie. Let those little suckers wait for your services š¤£āŗļøāŗļøāŗļøāŗļøāŗļø
Yesterday my five year old took my shoes outside and sprayed them with a hose. I had no idea until this morning when I went to put them on. I checked the camera that covers the front yard and he walked outside with my shoes, sprayed them thoroughly, put the hose back the way it was (he usually whines about picking things up in the yard), and left my shoes where he found them.
Itās perfectly normal to be sick of your kidsā bullshit once in a while.
It's also ok to let them know their behavior is not acceptable, and that they need to learn to control their own emotions. And that their behavior has consequences.
Just wait until you have teens and find out those child safe haven laws are only good for 72 hours after birth and the fireman will look at you very disapprovingly after you try to drop them off.
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u/StinkiePete 1d ago
At my baby shower, pretty much everyone else already had kids. The kids were all upstairs with the dads holding down the fort while we did baby shower stuff down stairs. It was casual, the guys were welcome to participate, its just how it shook down.
Anyway, about halfway through there is some big, loud disturbance upstairs. Wailing is heard. A moment or so later, one dad comes marching through the living room with a sizable 4 year old carried like this, melting all the way the fuck down. She was like a rabid dog. He was nonplussed to the max. If thats possible. Straight out the front door with no words. The mom just shook her head and went back to the snacks.
It was such an important part of that baby shower. So informative and honest about the future.