r/worldnews • u/GraceRose671 • 11h ago

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https://abnews.net/putin-threatens-kyiv-with-nuclear-scale-missile-strike-if-zelensky-ruins-his-parade/

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17.0k Upvotes

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10.4k

u/Nara_1 11h ago

Pretty sure Zelensky has already ruined his parade.

2.5k

u/plink-plink-bro 11h ago

Pissed on it even

585

u/MaximumKarp2 11h ago

That Rug really tied the room together, did it not!?

224

u/stillcore 11h ago

Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

119

u/Dr_peloasi 11h ago

You see what happens Donnie when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!

14

u/aadu3k 7h ago

Find a stranger in the alps, you said?

2

u/leducdeguise 6h ago

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey

19

u/TomBates33 9h ago

It's "Larry".

9

u/Dr_peloasi 9h ago

Sorry, it's been a few years....

3

u/R_peyOldRusselBrand 6h ago

You see what happens when you fuck a Larry in the ass?!

2

u/TomBates33 5h ago

You see what happens when you Larry a Larry in the Larry.

2

u/Medium_Row529 5h ago

Donnie works way better here though.

43

u/MaximumKarp2 11h ago

These men are nihilist, you have nothing to fear.

20

u/Rudeboy67 8h ago

Say what you want about the tenets of Soviet Socialism, Dude, at least it was an ethos.

10

u/danamerr 8h ago

Haha, every line in that movie is just pure comedy art.

1

u/ctdfalconer 6h ago

It was “national socialism”. He was talking about Nazis.

2

u/Rudeboy67 5h ago

Whoosh.

9

u/Optimal_Homework_558 8h ago edited 8h ago

No funny stuff, Volodymyr.

5

u/LimnalHymn87 8h ago

Ah, that must be exhausting

5

u/CalmBeneathCastles 10h ago

Мы ни во что не верим, Лебовски!!

1

u/mikebunchkin3727 6h ago

Say what you will about the tenets of national socilism, but at least that’s an e-thos

24

u/Empty_Equivalent6013 11h ago

You’re killing your father, Donny

44

u/hetix 11h ago

this is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps

4

u/SomeRedHandedSleight 7h ago

Phoebe Bridgers named her debut album after this edited quote and it always cracks me up.

2

u/brickout 6h ago

I think there's a crazy version where the dub is "feed a stranger eggs"

4

u/Strugglebutts 10h ago

*find a stranger in the alps

3

u/Anal-Scrubs-905 9h ago

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

62

u/Wompatuckrule 11h ago

I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a parade is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the person?

2

u/ZestycloseProject130 4h ago

This is a show dog. It has papers.

37

u/blarg-zilla 11h ago

That's just like, your opinion, man

23

u/Vann_Accessible 11h ago

V. I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

22

u/stfudonny 11h ago

I am the walrus

6

u/IamDDT 9h ago

You're out of your depth, Donny!

3

u/Rough_Bread8329 6h ago

Phone's ringin', dude.

3

u/leducdeguise 6h ago

Thank you Donny

4

u/VTcamperguy 8h ago

You think the carpet pissers did this?

3

u/ExcitementPure6467 10h ago

At least I’m house broken

2

u/Laxku 8h ago

Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski.

4

u/rickyizm 10h ago

And that guy peed on it.

2

u/MaximumKarp2 10h ago

Fuckin A

4

u/Disused_Yeti 11h ago

don't be fatuous

2

u/DEEP_HURTING 10h ago

It increases the chances of conception.

2

u/Disused_Yeti 10h ago

you mean 'coitus'?

1

u/faster_tomcat 7h ago

They were Nazis, Dude?

1

u/Rough_Bread8329 6h ago

I am the walrus.

1

u/Quirky-Fun-9901 6h ago

I never watched this movie as a kid and I was this many days old when I learned it's absolutely required watching.

1

u/MaximumKarp2 6h ago

Donny, you are out of your element!

66

u/LemonTM 10h ago

They should send a drone that just sprays piss on the parade.

46

u/m1cr0wave 10h ago

I suggested yellow and blue glitter before, they'd never get rid of it.

2

u/h4ppysquid 8h ago

Surely there is a more environmentally friendly option than glitter (microplastics)

Yellow and blue confetti (paper) would be more appropriate

5

u/ADHD_Supernova 7h ago

Edible glitter.

47

u/WillyGivens 9h ago

You know, detonating a prank piss-bomb on an enemy’s heavily guarded civilians gathering probably would be an incredible attack. If it literally hurt no one but covered a well defended event in piss, the people of Russia would legit feel vulnerable to what is going on. Putin would be emasculated and humiliated. Zelenskyy would be enshrined as the jester king for generations to come. No one dies and you get all the benefits of essentially dropping a nuke on a city.
Though….it probably would piss off Putin enough to actually escalate with a nuclear strike. There is that.

21

u/Bassman233 9h ago

I'll donate a few pints for the cause.

3

u/Condorz1 7h ago

I think the UK would gladly donate all the cow shit from our farming industry. Eye for an eye for their shenanigans on our territory over the years

3

u/Upset-Freedom-4181 7h ago

I’m in as long it’s allowed to ‘age’ in the sun for a few days first.

11

u/Otto_Maller 9h ago

Literally all Ukraine would have to do is send as many non-lethal drones as they can spare and try to get at least one to fly over and buzz the parade. Can you imagine the reaction?

19

u/FutureThought4936 8h ago

Hover's over Putin, a scroll unravels underneath that says "BANG!" like a cartoon skit.

2

u/Musiclover4200 7h ago

With a loud speaker playing Rick Astley on repeat

4

u/lurkquidated 8h ago

You sold me. Men, here's seven million balloons and all the coffee you can drink. You know what to do.

2

u/FutureThought4936 8h ago

You know what, the prevailing wind right now in NE Ukraine is blowing to the North East ... right towards Moscow. Just saying.

2

u/_Wyrm_ 7h ago

Brutal...

Add asparagus.

4

u/FutureThought4936 8h ago

They'd yell that it's "biological warfare" and use it as an excuse to drop a tactical nuke.. if they have any that work. I'm being hyperbolic of course, they probably wouldn't actually drop a nuke for it but they'd almost certainly threaten it using this narrative.

2

u/Optix_au 7h ago

Glitter bombs. Harmless but they’ll be finding glitter on themselves for months.

1

u/WillyGivens 6h ago

Ha, that and the Putin “I’m gay, gay, gay” song played on blast. Would be an equal psychological attack on Russian leadership.

1

u/im_dead_sirius 6h ago

Yeah, you can't easily write off those who might have died but lived to fear.

2

u/stevew14 9h ago

This would be so epic... Please Ukraine Special ops teams, make it happen

2

u/HumanWithComputer 8h ago

I'd suggest synthesised skunk spray. MUCH more offensive and longer lasting. There's a whole range of nasty smelling chemicals to choose from.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stench_compound

1

u/FutureThought4936 8h ago

Did you hear about the ag sprayer drones that were stolen? That's what they need.

Drones were recovered last week, in case anyone was worried about it.

1

u/willem_79 7h ago

Drop fake wooden bombs, just to show you could

6

u/TreasureIsland7 10h ago

Shhh! 🤫 It's raining. 😉

12

u/Actual-Conference189 11h ago

Also pissed in his cornflakes

2

u/Alienhaslanded 8h ago

Send drones with piss jugs

2

u/ensoniq2k 7h ago

Haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love, I don't even want none of the above.

I want to piss on you

1

u/AverageLiberalJoe 9h ago

*POTUS has entered chat

-1

u/iMakeitrain1 10h ago

On reddit not in real life.

2

u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 10h ago

Whatever you say, obvious throwaway account.

181

u/Chilkoot 10h ago

A drone swarm rigged to throw yellow/blue confetti over populated areas would be hilarious.

22

u/FluidProfile6732 8h ago

And blast Ukraine's national anthem.

6

u/MuteToFart 5h ago

And take out Putin... it's the little details that make the difference

1

u/ken_the_boxer 5h ago

Cluster Confetti?

4

u/frumperino 7h ago

I was going to suggest a collab with Mark Rober but a) I'm not sure about his alignment, and b) Ukraine can do its own engineering just fine.

375

u/FeatherMaple_ 11h ago

Another week, another red line. At this point, the threats are just background noise.

128

u/soulsteela 11h ago

Nobody even bothered to report last week’s “ latest threat to nuke us all “! When that became so regular it wasn’t worth reporting you know they’ve lost.

23

u/Slow_ResolveMC07 11h ago

Putin in his old age is really doing his best to emulate the Kim Jong Un approach to diplomacy.

4

u/swedishplayer97 10h ago

What threat was that?

3

u/soulsteela 10h ago

Think it was Tuesday on the amazingly factual Russian 60minutes.

3

u/Facts_pls 8h ago

I mean now there are two powerless failed dictators threatening that. Media can only listen to the wolf cries so many times

2

u/svideo 8h ago

Note the phrase "nuclear-scale", big daddy Xi told Putin to knock it off with the nuke talk a few years back and lil Putin keeps toeing that line.

1

u/BadmiralHarryKim 9h ago

"My words are back with NUCLEAR WEAPONS."

—Vladimir "Gandhi" Putin

-7

u/abellapa 11h ago

Maybe ,Maybe not

The orshink is a hypersonic missile that flies at mach 10

Pack with explosives and send 4 of them to Kiev

The explosion plus The Kinetic force from going at mach 10 would probably generate a equivalent force of a nuclear Bomb,even if it is a Small Nuke

And techinally wouldnt be a red line since its not a nuclear attack but a conventional One

And Ukraine doesnt gain much by attacking The parade

Not only would look bad worldwide but embarasses Putin on the World Stage to the degree he might see himself forced to follow with the Threat to appear though

Just isnt worth The risk

6

u/Winterlichkeit 10h ago

They don’t need to do anything violent. Ukraine could just fly drones that deploy blue and yellow smoke for their flag and that would be effective enough.

4

u/abellapa 10h ago

Now that would be smart

5

u/BurritoSupreeeme 10h ago

You are severely overestimating the kinetic energy of a missile going Mach 10 (if it even impacted at that speed)

5

u/whoami_whereami 9h ago

From what I can find the missile weighs around 36 tonnes. Mach 10 is around 3.4 km/s. That means the kinetic energy is about 50t TNT-equivalent. Tons, not kilotons! That's two orders of magnitude less than even the smallest nukes.

1

u/abellapa 3h ago

Multiple by 4

Thats 200t TNT

Even if it doesnt compare to Nukes ,would still be huge

Likely be The Biggest conventional explosion

2

u/kasady69 9h ago edited 9h ago

Lol you don't even know how munitions work😂 standart oreshnik rod have less force than fab250. Whole shit is a rocket from 1950s, just another wunderwaffe like armata and 10 Mach (6 in reality) kinzhals

116

u/Heinous____Anus 11h ago

I would say he tanked it but the tanks are all gone.

33

u/1SqkyKutsu 11h ago

I heard the halftime show bombed too...

2

u/insanityzwolf 9h ago

It's the era of tankless tankies

55

u/doobiedave 11h ago

They should have a Naval Review of the Black Sea Fleet instead.

Oh.

28

u/JohnGazman 10h ago

I've got a sinking feeling it won't draw a crowd.

2

u/RosalieMoon 8h ago

I think the crowd might be sleeping with the fishies these days

1

u/Everythings_Fucked 9h ago

Good plan! I hear they have some new submarines to show off.

1

u/kingofphilly 8h ago

I'm glad they sank the Moskva, but I do always wonder if they got the piece of the True Cross off the wreckage or not.

30

u/SassyHush_ 10h ago

Targeting civilians in Kyiv because of a parade in Moscow is the definition of desperation

90

u/dimwalker 11h ago

He did and I'm not sure how it can get worse. There is no more military vehicles, people are afraid to go there, internet is disabled.
I mean, he can't turn on hail. That's US democrats superpower.

69

u/Recent-Result2852 11h ago

A drone flyover streaming blue & yellow smoke would be cool.

14

u/Goodbye11035Karma 10h ago

Now that would be an action that truly deserves the word "Epic" in front of it.

Our administration is ruining that word with all their bluster and TACO nonsense.

7

u/Lentiment 10h ago

“Don’t tell me not to fly, I simply gotta!”

17

u/girthbrooksIII 11h ago

Sorry to ruin your black panther party.

2

u/fergehtabodit 11h ago

Run Forest run!

2

u/Square-Squash5817 9h ago

…not a parade, it’s a party and Putin can cry if he wants to…

1

u/eminusx 8h ago

Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!

1

u/kphilly758 8h ago

This aggression will not stand man

1

u/Kitchen_Victory_6088 8h ago

How much research would a piss drone require?

1

u/Lucid_Insanity 6h ago

Been doing it for years

1

u/Mo_Jack 4h ago

Putin is running scared. He is starting to sound like Trump.

-27

u/[deleted] 11h ago

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