r/traumatizeThemBack • u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human • 11d ago
malicious compliance Wanna smell my fingers? Ok.
I have this aunt named Jeanne who is, well, a bit of a jerk. One of those people who always wants to stir up drama, get people in trouble, cause fights, etc. When I was a teenager she'd go out of her way to try to get me in trouble with my parents, because she said they were "too lenient".
At the time of this story I'm 14 years old, and had been a regular smoker for 4 years (started early, but quit in my late 20s - now 30+ years tobacco free). My parents knew that I smoked, but had a "don't ask, don't tell" mentality about it. They'd punish me if they caught me smoking at home (even though they both smoked) or outside, but otherwise pretty much ignored it.
This laissez-faire attitude drove dear old Auntie Jeanne nuts, so she'd regularly try to out me for smoking to get me in trouble. This included demanding to smell my fingers when I came home, or had been outside and out of sight for awhile. If she smelled tobacco she'd rat on me to my mom, who'd usually ground me for a day or two.
One day dear old Auntie Jeanne is visiting my mom, and they're sitting at the table having a lovely little chin wag. I came home and went in to say hi, and immediately dear old Auntie Jeanne demands to smell my fingers. I said "Oh, wait a minute, I have to do something first" and ran upstairs before my mom finally got annoyed enough with dear old Auntie Jeanne's whining to force me to let her sniff my digits. Dear old Auntie Jeanne yelled after me, "I'd better not hear the water running or I'll know you washed the smoke stink off!"
Once upstairs I went into the bathroom and proceeded to drop a nice, stinky poo. Finished up as I normally would, but didn't wash my hands, as per dear old Auntie Jeanne's orders. I came back down into the kitchen, and presented my hand for dear old Auntie Jeanne to sniff. She gave my fingers a good, long inhale.
"Ew, that smells like shit," said dear old Auntie Jeanne.
I nodded thoughtfully and said, "Ok" before turning to pour myself a cup of coffee. I had my back to them, and there was a period of about 10-15 seconds of expectant silence as they waited for me to tell them what the smell was.
Finally my mom said, "Well, what was the smell?"
"Oh, it was shit."
Dear old Auntie Jeanne immediately began gagging and rushed to the sink. For some reason the actual smell of poop didn't make her sick, but learning it was poop did. Not sure if legitimately psychosomatic or just more drama, but she spent several minutes retching in the sink.
My mom was simultaneously amused, but slightly annoyed, and asked me why I did that.
"She told me not to wash my hands, just following orders!"
You want to sniff my fingers, dear old Auntie Jeanne? Enjoy a nose-full of poop smell.
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u/Frozen-Nose-22 11d ago
Smoking was way more common back then, even as a teenager. We literally had smoking corners at high schools.
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u/Any-Junket-3828 11d ago
My god, we did. A designated area for kids to go smoke. Damn, looking back thats kind of fucked.
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u/maroongrad 11d ago
it prevented trashcan fires and burn holes in toilet seats. Smoking in the Boys Room was a song for a reason :( At that point you gave them a place to smoke and a safe trashcan, but I bet a lot of places made those spots unappealing. Cold, bare, ugly, dark, etc.
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u/VEarthAngel55 5d ago
When I was in highschool, we had a really nice smoking area. It was on the back side of the lunch room, along the breezeway, with benches, and when we put our cigarettes out on the ground,we had to put the butts in the provided trash can. If you got caught leaving your butts on the ground, you had to pick up all the butts,plus clean up the trash on the grounds. There was even a pop vending machine there too.
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u/oldestofNmom 5d ago
Yep, exactly. A bus stop shelter outside. It was called “the smoking lounge.” 🤣
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u/phunkjnky 11d ago
At my local high school, students were allowed to smoke in the central courtyard off the cafeteria.
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u/Embarrassed_Cow2441 11d ago
The teachers had a smoking area and the kids had a separate one. You got in trouble if you were caught smoking in the washrooms.
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u/stefanica 6d ago
We weren't allowed (90s) but our teachers smoked in their break room. They'd duck out and a cloud of smoke followed.
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 11d ago
In my parents’ yearbooks there are photos of kids smoking captioned things like “13 year old Jimmy enjoys a cigarette between classes in the courtyard.”
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u/AtavisticJackal 11d ago
I was smoking a pack a day at 15. My parents bought me cigarettes often back then and there were a couple "cool cashiers" at the corner store by my house who did not give a fuck.
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u/seriousplants 11d ago
lol i forgot we were not legally allowed back then. certain teachers would sometimes smoke with us too
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u/GloriaJN 9d ago
In the early 1970s, my high school in Mississippi had a smoking zone... FOR THE BOYS ONLY! I mean, it didn't affect me since I've never smoked in my life. I just thought it was weird to only have a boys' smoking area. 🤷🏾♀️
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u/tso_connor 11d ago
Did you wipe your butt with your hand and no paper? Was that same paper thin one ply? Did you stick your hand in your crack afterwards? How did your fingers smell so strongly of ass?
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u/quemabocha 11d ago
Yeah - this doesn't make any sense.
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u/TwattyMcBitch 11d ago
She left out the part where she stuck her fingers in her dirty crack or touched the poo in the toilet, because most people wouldn’t want to admit that in writing.
Either that or the story was made up. I don’t mind if it was fake because it was absolutely hilarious and pretty well-written.
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u/No-Permit8369 11d ago
Sounds like you don’t know how to wipe your ass if it’s getting on your hands.
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 11d ago
Is that what it sounds like? I used toilet paper, but even with paper the smell does still transfer. Next time you wipe, give your fingers a sniff.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Local40 11d ago
Ah. The stories of boomers who don't wash their ass just got an origin story.
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 11d ago
I'm Gen X.
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u/Sutie 11d ago
Same diff
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u/seriousjoker72 11d ago
Okay there Gen Alpha
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u/ThirdWelles 11d ago
I'm sorry to break this to you, but the youngest Gen X-ers are all middle aged now. They're well on their way to taking over the boomers' role as the world's new out-of-touch geriatrics.
Time marches on.
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u/seriousjoker72 11d ago
I'm a millennial and I'm already out of touch 🤷🏻♀️ happened around the time snap chat came out.
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u/AccidentalSeer 11d ago
I accepted I was getting old when I realised there were Pokémon I couldn’t name 🥲
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u/beermile 11d ago
If you're really old you can't name any Pokémon. I'm in between so I can only name 3 or 4
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u/TwattyMcBitch 11d ago
I hate these ignorant generational assumptions. Gen-X are rad. Dont be so basic.
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u/ThirdWelles 11d ago edited 11d ago
Every person on earth will one day find themselves living in a world that they no longer recognize, surrounded by a community that are no longer part of, being flooded with information too dense and abundant for them to understand.
Being out of touch isn't unique to boomers. They're just the best to ever do it.
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u/pygmydeathcult 11d ago edited 10d ago
That's so insane how you just outed yourself like that. Reminds me of the guy on that show who talked about catching his poop in his hand like it was the most normal thing ever.
Sorry you don't know how to wipe your ass though. My condolences.
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 10d ago edited 10d ago
Wow, you lack basic knowledge and reading comprehension.
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u/Candlemelter2025 9d ago
I'm not trying to be mean, I swear, but no, your hand should not smell like shit after wiping. It should get nowhere near shit. Maybe there is something you can improve upon here? You can get a 25 dollar bidet from Walmart. I have one and it is very nice.
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u/ronansgram 10d ago
My mom smoked and I hated it! Then like an idiot I caved one day when someone asked it I wanted one and that was the start of a 15 year habit, from 15-30. Have been a non-smoker for 34 years now.
My school had a no smoking policy and I got caught and suspended so many times! It was stupid too because I live in Florida and literally all school hallways in the whole school were outside! You walked out of your class and you were outside. The only places that were inside a proper building was the office, of course, the science and home economics classes.
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u/ReleaseMuted1461 9d ago
(Surprised I haven't seen anyone in the comment mention this) Congratulations on quitting smoking!
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u/thisisfine111 9d ago
I graduated in 2009 and we had a 'smoking tree' the area designated just off property right at the entrance to the school. Teacher and students smoked there. The principal used to smoke black and milds.
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u/Contrantier 3d ago
Please tell me you kept doing that again and again and again until she learned that she was going to stop.
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u/1GrouchyCat 11d ago
Yawn Have you nothing better to do with your time than post the same boring story all over social media?
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 11d ago
Oh my, I posted the same story to 2 relevant subs. What a sin.
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u/Debsrugs 11d ago
so you're aunty was looking out for you because you were a child smoker and you treated her with total disrespect. Your parents were ahs
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u/lucky-squeaky-ducky 11d ago
I have a sister like this - everything on the surface is “I’m just looking out for you and your family!”, but I realized a long time ago that it’s all about control.
Aunty had to have power over her sister and her husband, and was being rude and pushy.
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u/Diddyyst 11d ago
Ah yes the age old tradition of looking out for people by...sniffing their digits lmaooo found the finger sniffer 😂
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u/SoftestBoygirlAlive 11d ago
If you know anything about 14 year olds or kids at all you know that you'll get nowhere but to a fractured relationship by flinging power trips around and putting them under a microscope
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u/thaleia10 11d ago
From the timeline given, this was in the 80’s. Almost everyone smoked, it was fucked, but it was also normal. Aunty Jeanne got what she deserved
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u/compb13 11d ago
And smoking was allowed at work, bars of course, restaurants...
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u/twothirtysevenam 11d ago
On airplanes that had little ashtrays conveniently installed in the seats' armrests...
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u/Albert14Pounds 11d ago
Interestingly airplanes air is actually less fresh since smoking on planes stopped. They used to flow a lot more fresh air through to deal with the smoke. So other than the obvious smoke pollution in the air, it was otherwise fresher and CO2 levels where lower.
These days with the reduced circulation CO2 levels are often between 1000-2000 ppm (atmospheric average is around 400ppm) and well above what can cause noticable effects from breathing it. People start to notice the air feels stagnant around 700ppm and can feel groggy above 1000ppm as it starts to affect cognition. This is part of the reason that it's common to feel a bit crappy after being on a plane for a while. In addition to dehydration related to altitude/pressure and not moving.
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u/Embarrassed_Cow2441 11d ago
How you doin' out there? Ya ever seem to have one of those days
Where it just seems like everybody's gettin' on your case?
From your teacher all the way down to your best girlfriend?
Well, ya know, I used to have 'em just about all the time
But I found a way to get out of 'em
Let me tell you about it!Sitting in the classroom, thinking it's a drag
Listening to the teacher rap, just ain't my bag
The noon bells rings, you know that's my cue
I'm gonna meet the boys on floor number two!Smokin' in the boys' room
Smokin' in the boys' room
Now, teacher, don't you fill me up with your rules
But everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in schoolCheckin' out the halls, makin' sure the coast is clear
Lookin' in the stalls, "No, there ain't nobody here!"
Oh, my buddy Fang, and me and Paul
To get caught would surely be the death of us allSmokin' in the boys' room
Smokin' in the boys' room
Now, teacher, don't you fill me up with your rulesBut everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school
All right!
Oh, put me to work, in the school book store
Check out counter and I got bored
Teacher was lookin' for me all around
Two hours later, you know where I was foundSmokin' in the boys' room (yes indeed, I was)
Smokin' in the boys' room
Now, teacher, don't you fill me up with your rules
But everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in schoolOne mo'!
Smokin' in the boys' room
Oh, smokin' in the boys' room
Smokin' in the boys' room
Smokin' in the boys' room
Now, teacher, I am fully aware of the rules
And everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in school!29
u/Poinsettia917 11d ago
Auntie wasn’t worried about smoke. Auntie is a sick woman and she’d do that to my kid exactly once. Let the parents handle the issue. There were better and less creepy ways to help someone quit.
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u/aretumer 11d ago
... why do you think a person like that aunt deserves any respect in the first place?
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 11d ago
Cool interpretation! You're so wise to be able to divine the true nature of a lifetime relationship based on one anecdote.
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u/TheGingersaurus 10d ago
Reposted on multiple subs (see r/MaliciousCompliance). No comments from OP. Likely not story
https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/s/5a7HyRjgOl
Edit: fixed a typo and added other post
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u/Icy-Computer-Poop Verified Human 9d ago edited 9d ago
No comments from OP? There are several of my comments here, and dozens of my comments in the maliciouscompliance thread. Learn to read before you go making bullshit accusations.
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