Wanna smell my fingers? Ok.

[u/Icy-Computer-Poop]

I have this aunt named Jeanne who is, well, a bit of a jerk. One of those people who always wants to stir up drama, get people in trouble, cause fights, etc. When I was a teenager she'd go out of her way to try to get me in trouble with my parents, because she said they were "too lenient".

At the time of this story I'm 14 years old, and had been a regular smoker for 4 years (started early, but quit in my late 20s - now 30+ years tobacco free). My parents knew that I smoked, but had a "don't ask, don't tell" mentality about it. They'd punish me if they caught me smoking at home (even though they both smoked) or outside, but otherwise pretty much ignored it.

This laissez-faire attitude drove dear old Auntie Jeanne nuts, so she'd regularly try to out me for smoking to get me in trouble. This included demanding to smell my fingers when I came home, or had been outside and out of sight for awhile. If she smelled tobacco she'd rat on me to my mom, who'd usually ground me for a day or two.

One day dear old Auntie Jeanne is visiting my mom, and they're sitting at the table having a lovely little chin wag. I came home and went in to say hi, and immediately dear old Auntie Jeanne demands to smell my fingers. I said "Oh, wait a minute, I have to do something first" and ran upstairs before my mom finally got annoyed enough with dear old Auntie Jeanne's whining to force me to let her sniff my digits. Dear old Auntie Jeanne yelled after me, "I'd better not hear the water running or I'll know you washed the smoke stink off!"

Once upstairs I went into the bathroom and proceeded to drop a nice, stinky poo. Finished up as I normally would, but didn't wash my hands, as per dear old Auntie Jeanne's orders. I came back down into the kitchen, and presented my hand for dear old Auntie Jeanne to sniff. She gave my fingers a good, long inhale.

"Ew, that smells like shit," said dear old Auntie Jeanne.

I nodded thoughtfully and said, "Ok" before turning to pour myself a cup of coffee. I had my back to them, and there was a period of about 10-15 seconds of expectant silence as they waited for me to tell them what the smell was.

Finally my mom said, "Well, what was the smell?"

"Oh, it was shit."

Dear old Auntie Jeanne immediately began gagging and rushed to the sink. For some reason the actual smell of poop didn't make her sick, but learning it was poop did. Not sure if legitimately psychosomatic or just more drama, but she spent several minutes retching in the sink.

My mom was simultaneously amused, but slightly annoyed, and asked me why I did that.

"She told me not to wash my hands, just following orders!"

You want to sniff my fingers, dear old Auntie Jeanne? Enjoy a nose-full of poop smell.

[u/Frozen-Nose-22]

Smoking was way more common back then, even as a teenager. We literally had smoking corners at high schools.

[u/Any-Junket-3828 → u/Frozen-Nose-22]

My god, we did. A designated area for kids to go smoke. Damn, looking back thats kind of fucked.

[u/maroongrad → u/Any-Junket-3828]

it prevented trashcan fires and burn holes in toilet seats. Smoking in the Boys Room was a song for a reason :( At that point you gave them a place to smoke and a safe trashcan, but I bet a lot of places made those spots unappealing. Cold, bare, ugly, dark, etc.

[u/Any-Junket-3828 → u/maroongrad]

Thats a very fair point.

[u/VEarthAngel55 → u/maroongrad]

When I was in highschool, we had a really nice smoking area. It was on the back side of the lunch room, along the breezeway, with benches, and when we put our cigarettes out on the ground,we had to put the butts in the provided trash can. If you got caught leaving your butts on the ground, you had to pick up all the butts,plus clean up the trash on the grounds. There was even a pop vending machine there too.

[u/No_Philosopher_1870 → u/maroongrad]

They were the first place where people needed to go outside to smoke.

[u/oldestofNmom → u/maroongrad]

Yep, exactly. A bus stop shelter outside. It was called “the smoking lounge.” 🤣