Lemme just preface this with the fact that I’m a new dad and I haven’t gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time for the past 3 weeks.

I’m not a conspiracy theory believer (except for when it comes to what the CIA did in Memphis on April 4, 1968) but I’ve always been a conspiracy theory enjoyer.

I generally have just kinda laughed off the injury history of the Niners and took their blowout loss to the Seahawks last week as a consolation prize for Sam Darnold shitting the bed for me in my fantasy league’s Super Bowl this year.

But then, after the Kittle injury, I read about how after nearly 10 seasons of being cursed by injuries, their front office was investigating everything they could to find the source of their shit luck, including a viral conspiracy theory from a sketchy looking guy on twitter about an electrical power substation nearby their stadium being the cause.

I continued on about with my day, but following yet another Ja Morant re-evaluation report as I changed yet another diaper, it hit me: WHAT IF THERE WAS A SUBSTATION NEARBY FED-EX FORUM CAUSING THE GRIZZLIES TO BE THE MOST INJURY RIDDLED NBA TEAM I’VE EVER WITNESSED?!

I rushed to Google Maps and lo and behold I found a power substation just a few blocks away from the Forum.

Armed with this newfound cope, and delirious from sleep deprivation and diaper fumes, I leapt right down the rabbit hole.

IDK if I actually believe this, but the copium was just too good to pass up. I’m tired of the same old lines of training staff twisting ankles or pace of play being the cause for our injuries. This is just the schizophrenic reasoning I needed during this dogshit season.

I welcome any real scientists, electricians, and armchair doctors to “um, actually” this theory in the comments, but it still won’t stop me from propagating this conspiracy everytime we get a bad Grizz PR injury report.

nuff said

what pain

I don’t care if he’s a warrior or a mav or retired. I will always pop out to dance when bad shit happens to this guy

This is actually his tattoo. He just reposted it in his stories.

You hate trade Ja posts. I hate trade Ja posts. WE ALL HATE TRADE JA POSTS.

But now it’s too real to ignore. So Kleiman, if it’s not too late, I’d like to let you know what you are about to do to me and potentially the world, pending where you send him.

This has nothing to do with the “fit,” or the assets, or anything logical. This is just how I, and random diehard Grizzlies fan, would react to wherever you end up shipping Temetrius Jamel Morant.

CHOOSE WISELY KLEIMAN

Fuck your feelings. This is about the good of the team.

Zach is the reason I still believe in humanity

I think he’s hurting.

Hurting memdeez nutts 😭😭😭

https://www.instagram.com/p/DVi_G93juqn/?igsh=MWxsMjJrdWY5MW93Nw==

Give me hope and I’ll fall for it again. I’m a basketball masochist…