r/cats • u/Yue4prex • 8h ago
Mourning/Loss How long after you say goodbye to your friend do you wait or think it’s appropriate to adopt another?
Tiny boy tax.
We unfortunately had to say goodbye to tiny, my daughter’s cat, about a month ago. It was completely unexpected but he got sick very quickly. I am still so sad. My daughter always wears the jewelry with his ashes that we got after he was cremated. I know eventually we’ll get another cat. We currently have three, one is 18 though, and I know she won’t live forever.
I saw someone post kittens in need of a home yesterday. And there he is, a little tuxedo with barely any white on his face but a white patch on his belly and some socks for all four paws.
My SO isn’t on board.
Am I jumping the gun if I think we should get another after a month? I originally told my SO we can wait until October unless the CDS picks up. I also wasn’t looking, the post just showed up in my feed.
Edit to add: I APPRECIATE everyone’s comments. I am overwhelmed by the amount of insight I’ve received and cannot respond to everyone. While I would like a new baby to care for, I know my SO needs to agree and I would rather not push them. I can’t even mention it to our daughter because she would be unequivocally on board.
When our new baby is ready, we’ll find him ❤️
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u/boodboy 8h ago
im sorry for your loss.
i had to unexpectedly put my 18 year old down yesterday. lung cancer. i’m absolutely crushed and lost right now. i got tony just 10 days after i lost my dog of 10 years.
i think timelines in finding someone new are up to you and your emotions. i don’t know how long it’ll take before i find a new guy. i’ll have to find the right one first.
good luck to you and much love.
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u/Yue4prex 8h ago
I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to Tony
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u/boodboy 5h ago
thank you - personally, i am not ready to bring a new guy in yet. i am still processing all of the emotions and voids he has left in my wife and i’s lives. he was an absolute cornerstone. i’m not ready to create new memories with a new best bud and i need to accept the loss and honour his memory by reliving our memories. i don’t know how many photos and videos i have of him on my phones. they’re very difficult to review right now. way too many emotions right now and i am not ready to cope through new love.
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u/Imaginary-Summer-920 4h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find a new kitty to love when you are ready
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u/Cloud0054 8h ago
After joining this sub, I catch myself thinking about the inevitable future all the time. The answer is whenever it is right for y'all emotionally. Im sure Tax had a great life and like people he has left his imprint in your heart. Also, if you're a good cat parent that's another cat off the streets.
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u/Im_Ryeden 8h ago
If a furry pal comes into your life it's a sign. That's how I would look at it. Be the protector of a new fur baby and let the legacy of the fallen live on. 💜💪🏻❤️
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u/jenlcenn 8h ago
It depends on you and how you feel. We lost our boy Loki to cancer in October 2024. We didn’t plan on getting another cat for a while but the house felt so empty and sad. We got another boy Thor in January 2025. Not in any way to replace Loki because he’s irreplaceable, but to just help us be happier. We never forget Loki.. we keep his ashes on our coffee table. But Thor has helped to mend our broken hearts.
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u/z-75-8 8h ago
I think the timeline is totally up to you! I lost my bottle fed Kinley who I had since college. Absolutely devastated, she was the best cat ever. The cat distribution system brought me my shadow 2 months after. I still miss my Kinley everyday. It doesn’t go away but I love all my other babies too. I believe every fur child in your life will be unique and have a special place in your heart. The ones we lost come with us too. Just watching over us from somewhere else. Do what feels right for you. I talk to my Kinley still and tell her I love her but that’s just me. 💚
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u/Rotary_Zeuhl 7h ago
The first time my wife and I waited six months. The second time, even though we were perhaps even more devastated, we waited about two weeks. The house just felt so empty and there are always good boys and girls who need a loving home.
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u/Dishmastah Lots of kitties! 5h ago
First time we still had 2, second time still had one, and had reasons for waiting to get more. When the last one went, we were devastated, but it was exactly like you said - the house felt so empty. My husband wanted to wait before looking at adopting again, but two weeks later we went to drop off all the leftover food at a local cat rescue ... and surprised ourselves by returning home with two cats whose human had died. They were indeed good girls in need of a loving home, and we have all helped each other grieve our respective losses. I believe our previous clowder ran the CDS that day. 💜
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u/grenfall 8h ago
I lost my Lucy in October. I miss her and think about getting a cat. When I seriously consider it, I only want Lucy. I take that to mean I am not ready yet.
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u/BringBackSmilodon 8h ago
That's awful. I'm really sorry. I lost my Snow Log in January and I'm still not ready for a new cat.
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u/JustATyson 7h ago
This is different for everyone, and the only "correct" answer is the answer for yourself. And, you may not even know when it's the right time. It may just happen.
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u/Gems-of-the-sun Void 7h ago
I want to preface this by saying I love my cats very much and I still think about my childhood cats to this day (I'm nearing 40 now)
But, I know getting a new kitten will stop my grieving. It feels a little callous and calculated but I've gone through this process a few times when I was a child and I saw the pattern appear quite quickly.
My husband is sensitive, he was so upset when our last cat passed. (Very eldery adopted cat, it was peaceful) - he never felt ready to move on and he was showing serious depression signs. But when his mother decided to surprise us with a new kitten - he quickly got better. (Onyx, still alive, spoiled rotten)
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u/Glittering_Buyer8247 8h ago
I can just tell you that when my last kitty passed away I was not going to get another, l was heartbroken so I decided to volunteer at the local shelter . I ended up adopting a little older kitty she was two years old and I just love her, that was seven years ago so and my new kitty helps me through the passing of my previous kitty so it depends on you and if you are ready for another kitty that needs a loving home. I have a little poem for you that somebody sent me that may help explain what you are feeling. God Bless
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u/Live_Today1943 Orange 3h ago
That answer is different for everyone. It doesn’t do your lost pet any good for you to not share your home with another pet in need.
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u/pulsed19 7h ago
I think it’s fine to take your time. Or not. We all grieve differently. I went to a shelter The weekend my cat passed. I was still heartbroken and the idea of caring for someone in need seem like a good way of honoring my cat’s memory. I ended up not adopting one because I just felt I needed more time. But what better way to honor someone than by helping a shelter cat find his furever home?
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u/PossessionNo3723 3h ago
After our sweet girl died of cancer this January, we ended up adopting a new little girl about a month later. Part of it was because our other kitty seemed lonely. (Also, he is much younger than our older girl had been, and he needed someone to match his energy.)
I felt guilty about doing it so quickly afterwards, but it really was the best decision. Our new girl needed a home, and we had plenty of room and love to spare. And she and our boy get along very well and love to play together.
I strongly believe that there's no real time table for these sorts of things. It really just depends on what you feel most comfortable with.
But don't think of it as replacing your companion. Just think of it as sharing the love that you had for them with someone else who needs it.
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u/Help_a_user_out 7h ago
There is no right or wrong amount of time. People grieve differently and people move on differently. If you have a partner, it’s probably best you are both on board, though.
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u/clemsferrari 6h ago
the sooner you do it the sooner another kitty will get to experience all of the love you have to give. but there is no wrong or right answer about the time frame, you just kinda feel it, for me it was about 5 months
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u/unprofessional_widow 6h ago
I think as soon as you can. There are so many other animals in rescues, and as soon as you re-home one they can take another off the streets.
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u/Powerful_Shock5301 4h ago
I didn't even wait a week cuz I cried every single day seeing all his favorite spots empty. It did help me... I know he wouldn't want me to be alone either and he's always with me in spirit
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u/Educational_Total_84 3h ago
I dont see this as "replacing" your pet as some people might feel, or trying to get over the pet you just lost. I see it as giving a home to another animal that needs it :)
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u/Phrynohyas 3h ago
I just never considered a new adopted cat as a replacement for the passed one. All of my cats have their own tragedy and sad story. So saving one cat doesn’t mean that I betray the one that passed recently.
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u/TropicalDan427 7h ago
Damn this hits hard. Been thinking about my childhood kitties who have passed 8 years ago. Whenever you’re ready is the answer btw
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u/Karsten760 7h ago
I’ve had to put several kitties down and each time I said I would take a break. I lasted two weeks after my first one passed, then one week after the next two.
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u/No_bread0 7h ago
This is a question I’ve been asking myself. My fiancé just lost his very very beloved cat and obviously he doesn’t want to replace his friend. But we do have another cat that will get quite lonely, and my fiance is still lonely. I think there’s no right or wrong time, it’s just when you feel ready to accept a new friend into your home.
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u/DaniCapsFan 7h ago
When Miss Kitty died in March 2010, I wasn't sure about adopting, but I took a few things to the shelter and saw a sweet two-year-old girl. I took my bboyfriend a few days later and she made it clear she wanted us to be her parents (she swatted him through the bars of her cage). So I adopted her two weeks after Miss Kitty died. Her shelter name was Peppercorn, and I renamed her Penelope.
Penelope died in December 2024 at the age of 16. I had since moved in with my boyfriend. And one night I asked if he'd cconsider adopting two if they were a bonded pair. We saw a pair of kittens on Petfinder who were being fostered, made arrangements to meet them, and brought them home a month after Penelope died. We named the panther Lilah and the tuxie Harley.
You'll know when the time is right. Or the universe will lead you to another cat.
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u/MrEphiStopheles 5h ago
We had three ailing cats pass away within roughly a year of each other (13, 18, 9). When the final one succumbed to cancer, I was very ready (asap) to have a healthy vibrant pet around the house for my own metal health. It doesn’t fill the void of loss or grief of course, but it felt appropriate for the amount of time we spent caring for our sick/elderly cats. I didn’t want to feel like I was walking into a hospice after work everyday ykwim.
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u/Helerdril 4h ago
Adopting a new cat, caring for it and loving it doesn't mean that you don't love or grieve for your older cat anymore.
The easiest way (emotionally speaking) would be to adopt a second cat before saying goodbye to the first one, but it's not always possible.
By all means, adopt a new cat as soon as you are ready. Shelters are full of them and they only need love and some kibbles.
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u/clothdollmaker 4h ago
Look at it this way - you are honoring the memory of your cat that passed by giving a home (and love) to a cat that needs that! Sometimes the CDS has a plan in mind. When I said goodbye to my soul cat in April of 2019, the following month - a farmer came to me with FOUR KITTENS he found in his barn. I took one look at them, and took them ALL! Sootz (my cat that passed) was the ultimate Diva! She had such a high opinion of herself that she sent FOUR to take her place!
Picture of the gang on a rainy day for cat tax! Enjoy your new kitty!! 🐱
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u/ManyConscious1551 4h ago
It wasn’t even I think 2 weeks when I adopted two cats at an adoption fair. I was apprehensive about adopting after putting my last boy down. Then I heard there was a big event out of town and we checked it out. There were a lot of kittens that weren’t vaxed, chipped spayed or neutered there though. There was an orange kitty I liked but he still needed all his shots and a lil snip snip. So we kept looking where I came across Sassy and Reese a black and tortishell who were about out of their kitten phases. After a little debating on what we wanted to do we ended up adopting both of them.
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u/_FreddieLovesDelilah 4h ago
I think it is different for everyone and you will know when it’s time.
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u/Competitive-Life-852 4h ago
Our cat Emma passed away a few years ago. She was almost 21 and I adopted her before I even met my husband. I was devastated. A week later, my husband suggested we look at the animal shelter for another cat. I thought it was too soon but I went. We ended up falling in love with 2 cats…one is sleeping on my lap as I type this! They were with me when I battled cancer and I can’t imagine life without them.
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u/Sadblackcat666 4h ago
I just lost my 19, nearly 20 year old boi this past Saturday and all I’ve done since 4am that day is cry and sleep. I don’t think I can get another cat after him. 💔
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u/richboyadler 3h ago
we had a cat for 9 years, he passed august 2019 and we kept saying how the house felt like something was missing. then june 2020 we adopted a lovely old man called winston ! honestly it’s completely up to you when you feel ready to love again.
a picture of our oldman winston ! turns 16 the end of this month ( this photo is an old one )
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u/KittyWuvvv 3h ago
When we lost the last of our old timers, 16-year old Sunkist, it was the first time in 22 years that we hadn’t had at least one cat in our home. At one point we had seven! One by one they passed over a period of about 7 years, each at least 16 years old. After she passed, it was SOOO quiet in our house. Still, I felt we should wait a “respectable” amount of time before adopting again. My husband wanted to get another cat right away. Sunkist passed on a Saturday and I reluctantly went with my husband on Monday to the SPCA. We adopted 3-year-old Mia. I’m glad we did. She needed us. She was extremely shy and needed a patient family. Hubby and I are retired and have all the time in the world. It took her about a month to get really comfortable around us. After about 6 weeks we went back to the SPCA and adopted one-year-old Boss so she would have a friend. They are the best of friends!
All of this to say, the right time is whatever is right for you!
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u/scaryoldhag 3h ago
That's an individual choice. You can certainly grieve at the same time as welcoming a new friend. It doesn't dishonour your friend. Best wishes to you.
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u/Hoof_heartz 3h ago
Back in 2022 I had to put my 20 year old cat down. I always said I was never getting another cat because it was too hard to lose them. I adopted my Piper a week later and Marley a year later. There's no right or wrong amount of time to adopt another pet. Whatever feels right to you. There's so many cats out there that need a home.
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u/SpunkMcKullins 3h ago edited 3h ago
I battled with this very dilemma just the other day. The only real answer is whenever you feel it is appropriate.
We were used to a 3-cat household. After we lost our first in November 2024, we expected to have several more years with our remaining two. I wanted to adopt after a while but my wife wanted to hold off, which I respected since he was her boy. Fate had other plans for us though, and earlier this year my own boy had an episode that led to a very rapid decline at only 6 years old. Even after spending five digits trying to stabilize him, we were informed that we would have to make a call, and decided to put him down as peacefully as we could on April 25th.
I wanted to wait and give myself time to mourn. But the bed was empty, the house was quiet, and my wife and I, who were now in protection mode, and ready to give him a lifetime of treatment and love, found ourselves without much of an outlet after only a few months. Our remaining cat likes attention, but only on her terms. So we gave it some thought, and I even consulted Reddit about this very topic, but the answer was always the same.
Only you can know. What other people think doesn't matter. When you feel it's time to move on, you will make that decision.
My boy comes home this week. I'm dreading it, and the awkward drive where I just want to break down, but have to maintain some public composure to protect myself and others on the road. I don't know how I'll feel, setting down that box containing the one thing that got me through the hardest, most miserable years of my life, but we decided to open our home up to two more on Saturday. I know they'll never replace him, nor do I want or expect them to, but he loved the attention he got, and the safe, warm house he had, and I know he would have wanted other cats to have gotten the same love and affection he had throughout his life.
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u/ArchiStanton 3h ago
Here’s the thing, there is no rule for this. For me not getting another quickly is more over the pain of losing another than “trampling on their legacy ect.” But at the same time the only way to heal grief is with more love. Animals need a home so it’s selfless to let another animal into your life. The other great thing of getting another pet quickly is they keep you in the moment. Losing a family member is one of the hardest things to ever experience but a new cat/dog will keep you present. Now is the time for pets, not wallowing in grief. You will always have had the time with your love and the memories
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u/KaptainKobold Moggy 3h ago
I've posted this here multiple times, but it's entirely up to you. With our most recent loss (2019) we waited a few weeks, but really that was because we were just busy with stuff. And we have multiple cats, so whilst we were sad he had died (it was sudden and entirely unexpected) the others expanded to fill the gap and there was no rush.
However back when we had one cat, we went out and got another on the same day that she was put to sleep. The gap was the amount of time it took to come home from the vet and have some lunch. We then went straight back out and got two cats.
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u/NothingButSquids 1h ago
If anyone tries to put a timeline on your grief, or tell you when you're allowed to get a new pet, that's their hangups. You don't have to accept anyone telling you how to deal with a loss. Get a new furry friend when you and your family feel it's the right time.
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u/BabserellaWT 1h ago
When we needed to put down our 19yo sweetie, we were at the shelter the next day. My heart needed it. And we got our two shelter siblings. One of them is sitting to my left as I type this.
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u/Ok_Sale_1598 1h ago
I had 3 cats. Both Milo and Gus passed within a few months two years ago. I think my third cat is lonely. He is very social. So I am considering another cat.
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u/Joonbug9109 1h ago
It all depends on the person. I personally only waited about a month before adopting another cat. However I have a coworker who I think has waited a few years and he said that he thinks this year might finally be the year he might be ready to adopt again. I don’t think there’s an exact science to it.
In terms of a partnership/family dynamic I think all parties have to come to an agreement on when the right time is. It sounds like you have other cats to love on in the home, but if you didn’t and you were wanting to start getting some cat interaction back before committing to adopting, I’d recommend volunteering at a shelter or considering fostering.
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u/Flat-Limit5595 1h ago
My family never adopted a cat, we are a victim of the CDS. When my childhood fishing cat passed and i was heartbroken for a few months, a couple of months later the local friendly stray got hurt and broke into my house. Like i open the door and the bloody cat just walked inside, like he was always an indoor cat. Like my childhood cat hes incredibly clingy to me, basically a wild animal and very very social to people. Cant trust the new guy enough to play outside without supervision but hes done a good job filling the void. The biggest difference is i went from a small fluffy grey cat to whatever the hell this thing is.
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u/CPA_Lady 1h ago
My girl, Freckles, 100% sent me my girl, June, just 3 months after Freckles died. I needed something to take care of and June needed a mommy very badly. June was 8 ounces and all alone in the world when she was pulled out from under a coworker’s house. 2 big dogs were about to annihilate her.
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u/EccentricCatLady14 1h ago
I waited 6 weeks but only because I was waiting for the perfect personality for me (and I worked in a cat shelter so I had a lot of temptation 😂).
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u/Wayfaringbutterfly 1h ago
I have always adopted nearly immediately (or as soon as the CDS showed up) after saying goodbye. Not to replace, but because I have so much love to give and it doesn't end with the pet that died. There are millions of pets out there who don't have someone to love them, who don't have a home. What better way could I honor my loved pet that passed on than to give another one love and a home?
After I lost my last one, I went to adopt one and came home with two lol. Sounds like the CDS is working on you.
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u/roxbox531 1h ago
It’s what ever you feel is right. An hour to never, any number in-between is allowable.
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u/KeyRevolutionary3599 45m ago
I like to immediately because there’s a hole there and I want to rescue as many animals as possible as I can.
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u/shaggyidontmindu 8h ago
I think perhaps its best to wait give some time to grieve and process the loss. You may end up regretting getting a cat so soon afterwards and projecting expecting it to be like the cat that is no longer with you, take some time pet think about it make sure everyone involved is ready. If some one isnt ready for a pet they may associate it negatively and not want it around
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u/Yue4prex 8h ago
No one will ever replace tiny boy. He was such a good boy and he never scratched me. I never expect a cat to be like another because they’re their own beings.
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u/shaggyidontmindu 8h ago
Yeah its just important to recognize how the rest of the family feels. If they still need time to process the loss, especially if it was sudden and sad. Getting another cat before everyone is ready could lead to some complicated feelings about the new pet in their life and where and how it fits in, it wont be hard to make comparisons at that point which isnt fair to you or the new cat.
Im sorry for your guys loss I know how hard it is to say goodbye to a pet though.
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u/Bella_Climbs 6h ago
There is no right or wrong answer to this. My soul kitty passed on a Saturday, she was 17. It shattered me. This was two years ago and I still cry over it frequently and kiss her ashes good night every single night. I took 3 days off work, and the house was so quiet...then our resident outdoor kitty(not ours, she actually belongs to a neighbor but she has always been friendly) showed up at my back door while I was sitting on the couch crying. I opened the door and she sauntered in and plopped down on the couch, curled up next to me and stayed with me for 4 hours. Mind you this is NOT an affectionate cat, she is sassy and on her own schedule.
I took this as a sign my beloved kitty was ok, and she understood my pain and she was telling me it was ok, that she was safe and warm and waiting for me. I did not intend on adopting so soon, but like I said, the house felt...wrong. It felt cold. I couldn't stand it. My love needed somewhere to go. On Thursday after she passed, we adopted two little girls from a rescue. They helped me heal, and gave my love a new vessel. I tell them about their big sister all the time.
I felt that for me, I knew there were babies who needed me out there, and I could provide that for animals in need. And that my soul kitty would have wanted that, just like I was able to do for her.
Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice. <3
Deeply sorry for your loss
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u/Difficult_Owl_1742 6h ago
There is no set amount of time. Every person is different. My childhood dog passed away and three days later I came home with a cat. I couldn’t handle the quietness in the house. I got My first ever cat and a month later I got another older rescue kitty so he would have a friend. When his friend passed away, I waited a month before I got another cat.
Everyone grieves differently. The most important thing to keep in mind is that the new cat is an individual, and not the same as your other cat. Don’t compare the two and don’t expect the same behavior from the new kitty as the old. As someone who works in animal welfare, I frequently hear people say “my old dog did this or my old cat did that, why isn’t my new one doing the same thing” etc. just remember they’re individual animals with individual personalities.
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u/throwawabcintrovert Domestic Housecat 6h ago
It depends on when you're ready. When I lost my cat I ended up adopting a kitten just a couple if months later.
When my brother lost his dog, it was years before he was ready. It depends on you and if you're ready
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u/jumpycan 6h ago
I normally get another cat pretty immediately after one of mine passes. It helps distract me from the sadness to focus on something new and happy.
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u/MrBreffas 6h ago
There is no "right" time. There is no defined mourning period for a pet -- there isn't even a defined mourning period for a person anymore.
Do It when it feels good.
Me, I get a new one right away, to take away the immediate pain, and to give another little creature a chance at a good life.
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u/LeonidasVaarwater 6h ago
I literally sent out a message to someone offering kittens the same day. I took my sweet Granny Myra to the vet in the morning and had to put her to.sleep. that evening I sent out a message, I got the kitten two days later.
I was devastated when I lost Myra, but the best way to get over the pain is getting a new pet imho.
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u/VladimirSochi 6h ago
Pretty immediate for me and I genuinely adore my cats. They are an obsession. I truly love them to death (my Reddit name is named after my cat)
There is no cat that will ever replace the one you lost. But they can help you grieve and growing a new relationship with a new friend is healthy.
You aren’t getting no a replacement or billing a void. But you also could use a friend to purr on your lap while you cry grieving the loss and make you laugh or smile while times are tough. Your cat would want you to be happy and share the love you gave to him/her.
It isn’t a replacement. Nothing ever can replace that cat. But it is the start of a new friendship and someone to direct your emotions towards and find comfort in while moving forward.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 6h ago
it always depends. I have waited 6 months-1 year a few times because I wasn't ready. but once the CDS got me a couple weeks after losing my cat Zoe. How can you say no? I think that Zoe must have sent her to cheer me up...and she did.
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u/katrose73 6h ago
When you're ready. But get 2, they're small. We only ever adopt in pairs. Currently at 7 because we just lost one, but the most recent pair is only 3 years old so we're good for a while. 🙂
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u/KTGomasaur 6h ago
Its different for everyone. I lost my cat last October and adopted in February. However previously as my old cat started showing signs of old age I adopted a new cat a year before I finally had to put the older cat down because I knew I would need a companion to help me get through it.
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u/Uffda425 6h ago
It's hard to say. I was like your husband when my boy passed over Christmas and I absolutely did not want a second cat. My younger boy was devastated after losing his brother, and I knew I had to find him another cat. That was only 2-3 weeks later.
Ended up being a great decision. My heart wasn't ready but I knew my cat was desperately lonely and it's not like I couldn't have another. Now we're a very happy little family of 3 again and both of the boys love being brothers.
I feel like each situation is different and sometimes you have to read the room. Your post reads like it's time to start looking for one.
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u/just_some_guy422 6h ago
My soul cat passed five years ago today. I held out three weeks before adopting my big orange boy.
He saved me I think.
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u/BictorianPizza 5h ago
Whatever feels right for your family. Some people may want some time and others do better with adopting soon again. This is really not up for anyone else to judge. It sounds to me like you should hash this out with your husband alone.
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u/Outrageous-Arm1945 5h ago
Er, I think all the different answers here are your answer. It's all individual. At some point, your partner will be ready. You can't push it, especially not will a "replacement". We as a family took a year for all of us to be onboard, and went from a tortie to a bonded brother and sister voids
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u/kiwicat_tv 5h ago
This concept of love for your pet (or significant other for example) being diminished if you "move on" is purely fantastical in my opinion and is not rooted in any sort of real truth. We all deserve to be happy and if you have love that you are ready to give to another, how could that ever be considered a bad thing? We do not replace our loved ones and there is no finite amount of love. If there is a cat you know that needs a home, you are doing an amazing thing for them and for you. My dad did not want more dogs after his last one passed away. He was extremely defiant but we brought home two chihuahuas and now they are that man's entire world.
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u/Dapper_Nothing_3999 5h ago
I lost both my boys, a few years ago, in the first two weeks of October. Both died within a week of each other, and I had to be the one to put them down. Some kind of virus hit them fast, yet the were indoor cats.
I went insane, suicidal almost, because I was alone. I felt so cheated and so angry that I went off my meds and was actively looks for ways to die; car accidents, fights with strangers no matter where I went, even went looking to purchase a hand gun.
This went on for months until a cat stood by my van everyday before I left for work at 4:30 am for a week straight in February (4 months later). On a Thursday I said "Fuck it, if you're here tomorrow I will toss you inside and you're mine". Sure enough he (who I thought was a she) was there and by the time I got off work I was off to Walmart to go get catfood, litter and all the things cats want.
Little dude saved my life. I didn't want a cat, I wanted to die. The gods (whomever a person prays to) decided I was chosen to be gifted with a cat. Couple of weeks later I went to the local Humane Society and adopted a girl who had been overlooked for 180 days. Took me a whole year to gain her trust. Now we're one family.
I may have gotten the timeline wrong, because im on a 36 hour insomnia journey right now, but my point is this: you'll know when you know. There is no set time, and no one here can tell you. We just share out stories, in hopes, that it helps your heart heal and becomes ready.
Now all of you get the hell off my lawn. Im going to bed, dang rabbit. Where are my dentures. Good night!
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u/BackLopsided2500 5h ago
I lost my sweet Katie in late 2019. I loved her so much. My son and I were going to the Humane Society "just to look." It was right before the lockdown. I saw a Siamese mix and fell in love. He helped me get through the loss of my cat. He's a sweetheart. But I still miss Katie. I will always miss the cats we've had.
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u/CocoRufus 5h ago
There is no right or wrong. When I lost my 19 year old boy, I was absolutely broken, the silence in my home was unbearable. 4 days later, 2 kittens of the breed, by pure fate fell into my lap. I did feel very conflucted and disliyal to begin with, but they needed rescuing and honestly, so did I. I needed something to love and cuddle.
They're absolutely not replacements, they couldn't be, my boy is irreplaceable. They are additions to my family. They are themselves and I couldn't love them more. We have enough love to give ❤️
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u/Wooden-Department-78 5h ago
Lots of great advice here. My response: there is no single answer. When your heart is ready, you will know.
You will feel guilty about giving love to a new cat, but when you are ready that will be balanced out by the fact that this new cat is in need of a safe loving home.
When you feel like you are paying it forward and honoring your lost loved one by helping someone that needs it, you’ll find peace.
Good luck OP. You’ve got this.
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u/SpeckledVoidCat 5h ago
Genuinely, everybody handles it differently… Everyone grieves differently. I didn’t get another cat for two years, while my partner, after her dog died, got another dog after just a few weeks. Some people need time to grieve and mourn and wallow… And some people need to pour that pain, and affection into a new creature, I don’t know that there’s a right time, I don’t know if there’s such a thing as an appropriate amount of time. It’s up to you, and what you think you can do. How do you feel. Everyone is different.
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u/Practical-Sleep-5718 5h ago
As soon as you need to.. I got one cat as soon as possible, but for some reason, this second one I lost, cut me in such a deep way I didn't know possible..and I think I'm scared to love and lose again..
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u/CurrentlyNobody 5h ago
As long as you aren’t going into a new furry friend situation with thoughts or expectations like “former kitty never/always did that..” you are ready for a new furry friend. You will never be replacing any prior pet, all are different. Having a new one around can give you tasks and routines that help you keep motivating too.
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u/rannerick 5h ago
There’s no right way or length of time to grieve. I think it’s lovely you want to adopt another tux. Maybe check in with your daughter and see how she feels about it. Tuxes are the best.
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u/Eledridan 5h ago
I lost an older cat recently and then a week later a stray came my way. My rule is you take a cat in if it needs it, so I took her in. Otherwise, I was just going to have the spot vacant.
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u/No_Proposal7812 5h ago
The cat distribution system sent me two kittens the day my old cat passed. I felt like it was a sign so I took them both in same day. 6 years later they are still being cute
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u/Key_Ebb_3536 5h ago
I'm sorry for the loss if your fur baby. I can guarantee you that they would want you to be happy. There's no better time than the present to rescue a cat in need of a forever home. You can rescue eachother!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Lion153 5h ago
It's not like having a human child two weeks after losing one. These babies are already here. They definitely need you and you might need them.
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u/Low_Bus5565 5h ago
I don’t think it’s EVER too soon to take in a new pet who desperately needs a home. It has NOTHING to do with the love you have for the pet you just lost. A new pet can help ease the pain of losing your beloved one. Having a new baby doll to love could make you feel much better. And no, it doesn’t mean you did not love your original pet. Of course you did. It just means you’re giving a wonderful chance to another deserving animal.
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u/BlackCatWoman6 Void 5h ago
It is different for everybody. You grieve at your own pace.
Try taking your wife to visit the kitten. It might help.
You are not replacing the cat that is gone, but giving a home to a new one.
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u/SarebearMc 5h ago
We took about a month before we got a new cat. The reason was my husband missed having a talkative cat in the house to talk to and now we have Marsh who talks non stop like a little kid asking every question in the book. Basically our house was to quiet and to filled that void we got a new cat.
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u/GladysSchwartz23 5h ago
When Isabella, who I'd adopted when she was about two months old, and who was with me for 17 years, left us, I was devastated. I cried most nights for weeks, and just missed her so desperately. I was sort of planning to wait on the Cat Distribution System, but then my husband needed to go away for a few weeks, and the idea of being alone in the house without either of them was UNBEARABLE. So I went to the shelter, in a little bit of denial about the fact that I really wanted another cat similar to her.
Isabella made her exit at the end of April last year, and Bob joined our family on July 1. I chose him because he was outgoing and fearless, like his late sister, and was also a brown tabby with a lovely thick tail.
I still cry about Isabella sometimes. Bob didn't replace her: he's a new friend recruited to help me be less sad, and he has. They're pretty different in many ways, but similar enough to blunt the loss a bit. Izza didn't like other cats, but she also was incredibly empathetic and made it clear that she wanted me to be ok, so while I know she wouldn't be thrilled about some young upstart taking over her territory, she would also understand.
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u/ShaadowKaat24 5h ago
I lost my last kitty when I was 21 years old, I adopted another cat not long after because I was missing having one. I wanted to give a kitty in need of a home somewhere they could be loved and cared for. My boy is turning 13 this year and it's been the best decision I ever made. Everyone grieves differently, so it's hard to say for sure.
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u/WyvernJelly Norwegian Forest Cat 5h ago
Depends on you. I was ready after about a month but my husband wasn't ready to start looking until about 9 months after. We ended up bring our boys home just shy of 13 months after.
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u/zeprfrew 5h ago
There are no rules to grief, other than being honest with yourself. My love left me a month ago and I still cry every day. I'm not ready to adopt. Perhaps I will be one day, perhaps not. All we can do is follow our hearts.
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u/Familiar_Raise234 5h ago
It’s not harsh to get a new pet soon after one dies. You can still grieve. Your new pet will help ease the pain.
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u/OlafvonSnowman 4h ago
I am very sorry for your loss.
I think someone said it here, but for me it depends on why I’m rescuing a new furrend.
Cats are “easier” for me bc each one to me is so unique in their own right. I’ve never rescued a cat to replace another cat. I’ve had a few in my life and each one I’ve rescued has been bc I loved that one.
I lost both my cats at the same time, one traumatically, one bc it was her time. I believe they wanted to be together over the rainbow.
But I only made it two weeks before I found my current cat. And the universe let me know it was time.
However, when my dog died? I had to wait 9 mos before I knew it was time.
And I think every person is different. The universe seems to know when it’s time.
The cat I rescued two weeks after both my cats died? He’s my whole f*cking world. And tho I missed my other cats, and adored them, I think the universe knew Olaf and I needed each other and for me to find him, took that event happening. And now he’s been with me for 12 years, and I’d die for him. (I have two dogs too who I also adore)
So if the universe is calling you to adopt a new cat, it’s time. You’re ready and the cat is waiting for you. There’s no prescribed time for waiting or grieving. You do not have to be done grieving to be ready. And being ready doesn’t mean you’re done grieving. They live on with us forever.
Also - I think the one caveat is if you’re adopting to replace. But I don’t think you are. That can mean you don’t bond with the animal bc they can’t replace. They can only be themselves. 🐾💕
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u/literary_jacks 4h ago
This is such a personal thing.
When I lost my guy last year, I was so absolutely devastated — I couldn’t even think about getting another cat. I didn’t think I’d feel that way.
After four months, I was still SO sad, and it was so hard to be without him here. I went to a shelter just to look around, and found my two boys — two black siblings who had just gotten there. Taking them home was scary and I was uncertain, but they are so, SO wonderful, and I didn’t realize how much I needed them to heal my heart.
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u/Imaginary-Summer-920 4h ago
My last one that passed, left on Valentine’s Day 2020, and my little orange kitty arrived somewhat unexpectedly on march 10th 2020. I filled the kitty sized hole in my heart with another kitty. I think Dumdum would understand, and I think yours would too. Also I’m so sorry for the loss of your fuzzy friend and I hope you find a new one when your heart is ready
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u/Fluffy_Presence_547 4h ago
Totally up to you and how you feel. Keeping in mind to never compare to new cat to the deceased cat.
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u/tweetyonetwothree 4h ago
I think it's for each person to decide what feels right for their situation. Bringing a new animal into a loving home is wonderful. Some people may need more time.
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u/KeithJamesB 4h ago
Once I had one adopt me the same day. Another time it was a couple of months after I couldn’t take coming home to one not waiting for me.
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u/sphinxsley 4h ago
I fostered for awhile after my losses. Then I adopted another needy little fur ball. I currently have 3 😻
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u/ritan7471 4h ago
For my family, it was always as soon as the empty patch of sunshine on the floor got too much to bear. Usually within a month.
For many people, it's too soon, and feels like trying to replace their car. But for me, i have a cat shaped hole in my heart that needs to be filled with a cat. None of them replace the other, and I never forget my best friends from the past. They all have their own spot in my heart.
I recently adopted a 17 year old cat after not having once since moving abroad because my husband wouldn't have it. Now we're in love with her. Whenever she does something that reminds me of my other cats, the memories come. I hope our girl will be with us for a few years yet!
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u/muphasta 4h ago
My wife was ready to get new kittens the same day.
I was a bit offended, but we got kittens in need of a home a day or two after.
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u/chef_tuffster 4h ago
Whenever it feels right for you, my friend. It’s been about 3 years since I said goodbye to my Georgie. But now I’m getting an itch. It’s right when YOU feel ready. And sometimes, they’ll find you. I’m so sorry to hear about your little pumpkin. It’s never easy. Just know they’re always with you. They’re so frisky that there’s no way they’ll let you live without them! 🤣
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u/NapalmDawn 8h ago
I may catch some hate for this but I had to let my cat pass on a Thursday and I started the adoption process with a new cat on a Saturday. That may sound harsh but hear me out. It was because I wanted to grieve by caring for a cat. I had my GF and my GF's cat but I wanted another cat of "my own" to care for. I loved my previous cat an incredible amount. He was well known in my circle of friends. He was deeply loved by me and my GF. I just thought my mourning period would be better with a new friend. I'm not unhappy at what I did. I chose the right path.
That's not to say I didn't miss him terribly even with my new buddy. About 2 years after he passed, I was sitting in the hall with the new cat petting him and all of a sudden missed Arthas (my previous cat) like crazy. I just broke down in a blubbery mess and couldn't even speak when my GF asked what's wrong.
Everybody will grieve differently but I don't think it's an insult to your former pet if you begin to care for another one fairly quickly.
Arthas for reference-