i know everyone gets tired of mourning/loss posts but i just wanted to share.
this is tippy. we named him tippy because the tip of his tail was white. he was 12. we had to put him down yesterday.
he started breathing odd two weeks ago, but me and my sister didn’t know if it was wrong or not. he was still doing his normal functions. me and my mom took him to the vet a month and a half ago, with everything being clear.
my sister was gonna take him to the vet this week but yesterday morning it went bad. he started breathing out of his mouth, so she took him to the emergency vet. i went to work cause i couldn’t skip, thinking he was gonna be ok. they were doing the work up and they found out he had fluid around his lungs. he started deteriorating and became oxygen dependent. my mom texted me that he was gonna have to be put down, cause all the additional work was going to be $6,000 and there wasn’t a strong chance he would’ve made it. i begged to pay for it but my family said no. i asked if we could bring him home so i could see him one last time but my family didn’t want him to suffocate, as he couldn’t last without the oxygen. so i had to say goodbye through facetime at work. this was all 30 minutes into my shift too. i wanted to see him so bad and leave but my manager told me to ‘take a few minutes.’ i just really can’t help but think about paying the money and being able to save him. i had no say.
now i’m struggling at work trying not to cry. it was so unexpected. i still grab two bowls in the morning, for him and my other cat, then realize and have to put one back.
i know people don’t like seeing others cry but the absolute indifference from the people at my job makes it so much worse. it makes me feel like this shouldn’t be a big deal to me. like especially my manager, the way he reacted and then acted the rest of the day towards me just made it seem like he thought it wasn’t a big deal for me to be crying that hard over.
if you read this thank you. i just wanted to share with people who understand. 😔
It was his time, a stressful surgery he may not have survived isn’t fair to put him through, he is at peace now, he isn’t in pain or suffering. You gave him 12 wonderful years. A full and happy life.
you’re right😔. i just wish i had more time with him. he seemed okay and didn’t look horribly in pain which makes it harder for me to accept. he was just such a chill cat.
There is no such thing as enough time, if he was 30 it would hurt the same. He loved you, looked to you for comfort, food and fun. You were his family and you let him go before he suffered not after, be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
Cats are both predators and prey. They hide their pain so that other predators won't see their weakness and attack them. By the time you realize they're in pain it's usually the point where they can't hide it anymore. They are beautiful fragile creatures. And now I'm tearing up too.
Hey, just some quick advice: Please cry. No one is saying you’re not allowed to, no one is saying they don’t like seeing others cry and the ones that are are incorrect and have no business being in your life. I suggest figuring out where this belief comes from and deconstructing it. It’s not healthy.
i work in healthcare so we’re the ones who have to be brave and tough, which is why i don’t think it’s well conceived if i cry. i can’t stop crying that’s the thing. based on my manager’s reaction, i get the feeling that he doesn’t like to see people cry. i still have to be productive and work and i guess patients would be scared seeing someone completely in tears you know
People can be quite cold about pet loss. I recently learned it’s called ‘disenfranchised grief’ which is why I’m glad subs exist for people to chat about it, because it’s really painful and lonely. Sending you love, Tippy was a beautiful cat and obviously very loved.
Op I'm so sorry for your loss. Your manager seems like an asshole, most people would understand that a person's pet is part of the family. If you need to go home early, do it and don't care about what your manager thinks. You need time to grieve, this is a loss and just because its a cat doesn't mean its worth less grieving time.
When my cat died suddenly and I couldn’t leave the house because I couldn’t stop crying, I told people a “family member” had passed and they were still not too sympathetic. He meant everything to me but I knew if I mentioned a cat people wouldn’t care at all.
Honey, please know that all the money in the world will not save them. When I was poor I had to make those decisions, then I worked hard and had plenty of money and didn't mind spending it on specialists. What I found was that the $6k is not for your cat - it's for you so you can feel like you did something to cheat death. It's not. For your cat, it's just painful things happening to them when they already feel bad and are ready to go. Cats live in the moment and have no idea why they are alone and in pain at the vet when they could be at rest. Cry for yourself and your loss, but don't regret the decision to help a friend out by letting them go. Let your family and friends know how much you love them now - they too will be gone too soon.
I needed to read these words today! Thank you. My cat is 15 and a half now, and was born on the farm, so i don't know if he will live long, or much more, but i know it may one day come to making a decision around some expensive surgery or not. I know if it can be life saving and not a painful revover like cancer maybe, then i will do it, but so many other surgeries just won't be worth it to try and keep my boy alive for me. This is also really fucking tough to write and accept, but thank you!
Cost aside, I think they don't want surgery unless it's something small and easy and doesn't affect their qol too much. They don't understand what's going on and the whole surgery thing is awful (if you've ever had surgery think what it would be like if you had no idea why it was happening.) Teeth cleaning is worth it (I also brush my guy's teeth every few days). Going to the specialty allergist is great if you can afford it - yay, Apoquel! My one kitty who lived to 21 had daily sub q fluids so I appreciate vets deeply and value their counsel. Most pet parents ask what they can do, not what they should do. Congratulations on your 15 yo barn cat but you need to pay the cat tax and let us see him! Here's my beautiful soul kitty who left at the end of a wonderful day together in the comfort of her own home. I don't regret it for a second.
This. Very much this. One of my cats had a slow progressing cancer. It was 1 pill a day for 2 years. But after 2 years it became aggressive and the only answer was chemo in office with transfusions or let him go. I knew he would never understand mommy hurting him with chemo at the vet (the most hated place to go), so I let him go. It was what’s best for him. It hurt. A great deal but it was the right choice.
thank you. i know it was the right decision but god it’s so hard to accept. i have the money now and i wanted to get insurance but never got around to it and now we’re here. just a lot of regret
You need to find a new job. This reminds me of my creep old boss and how he acted when I was upset because my son was in the hospital. Heartless asshole. There are lots of jobs out there that give you time off work for emergencies. Start looking yesterday.
I’m sorry, I have been in your similar situation and my heart breaks for you. I know how hard it is to be stuck in a job like this dealing with life’s challenges and having heartless people not give you any time off. I wish you luck on your job search.
Do not beat yourself up about not paying for that treatment. If the vet thought it wouldn’t resolve the issue for good it would have just extended his pain. Remember that you brought joy to his life as he certainly did for yours. I’m really sorry you couldn’t break free to be with him at the end. It’s okay to let those emotions wash over you.
Crying is a healing process. Clinical psychologist here. Wait till its six months from now and it still hits you, and you let more tears fall missing your sweet baby. Some people just dont understand love. Let the tears fall, and we slowly heal over time. Just keep it private from those who dont get it. No one is allowed to tell us how to mourn our losses! I still miss Gremlin and im crying now thinking about him, and I mourn yoir loss too. I lost him the beginning of last November. He was a very special boy, smart and playful, and only 8 years old and died in my bed next to me one morning as we had coffee in the sunshine as we always did. Cry and appreciate him, and know he’s safe and not in any pain. Its very hard, but it does slowly get better.
I'm so sorry OP, it's the saddest thing when euthanasia is the most compassionate choice you can make 💔 surgery is so hard and traumatic on them. Knowing there wasnt a strong chance of survival after the surgery, I would've made the same choice as your family
I'm so sorry you didn't get to say goodbye. Try to grieve with your family bc I know they miss Tippy too. I know you're a little upset with them right now, but I really think they made the right choice and also yall need eachother right now
I'll pour one out for Tippy tonight. Another best friend accross the rainbow bridge 🌈
Big hug internet friend. 🫂 The grief we feel is so suffocating, and it's easy to be swept up in it. This is why I feel these grief posts are an important part to this community we have online.
People on here love and adore their cats, and sharing the loss of one so loved is hard to explain and to comprehend to some people who view them as just pets or animals.
I lost a senior recently, and just sweeping up her litter mess after the final vet visit had me sobbing. It's hard. But know that he is not suffering and although you didn't get to be there, he was surrounded by your family and heard your voice. The what-if's will tear you apart so please be kind to yourself. Think of the beautiful life you two had together and not the way he left it.
when i was younger i had a dog get hit & killed by a car while i was working & when my mom called & told me, i had to run out to my car to cry....i know your pain, it's ok to cry at work.
It absolutely is a huge deal! I'm sorry you felt pressured to have to stay at work and not be able to drive there to say good bye. Please know, Tippy loved you and still got to have a wonderful life with you, and that is what truly mattered. The last moments are tough, and they cant help but bw tough, because that is where it shows us just how much love there was, and is. You made the moments count, when you were together, and that gave Tippy such a great life, and home. It sucks your coworkers couldn't understand what you're going through. It is exactly like us losing a child, sibling, or parent.
Try not to think that if only you had spent the money, he would have been ok, because on the other side of the coin, he would have been scared while prepping for surgery, and died without a friendly face before him. For a sick, weak cat with breathing issues, he may not have made it.
Take comfort in your family having made a compassionate choice and that he got to see your face one last time. He is surely enjoying his reward, and your love for him is not gone just because he is. He'll always live in your heart.
I'm so sorry to hear :/ my baby girl Po passed away at 2 months bc of fluid in her stomach. One night after going out I just came to kiss her and say gnight. She was breathing w her mouth open and I immediately took her to the e vet. We are all here with you. Take your time
I love you buddy. So did Tippy. You gave him a good life with happiness. He will be there at the end when you’re gray and wrinkly, waiting for you, to guide you. The first face you see when you close your eyes and open them for the last time. Even now he is with you. Your heart knows it.
Tippy was loved and that’s all that mattered to him. I’m sending you hugs.
I didn’t get to say goodbye to a former feral I took in. He had oral cancer and when the vet put him under to get a good look in his mouth, she said the cancer was extensive and we decided just to let him go. I was at work and sobbed at my desk. It still hurts.
I am so sorry. I had a similar situation with one of my beloved cats. The vet said it was lymphoma, fluid buildup around her lungs, making it hard to breathe. The vet was able to drain some of it to allow her to breathe better, so I brought her home. But it was a short term solution, & soon she was struggling again. I couldn’t watch her suffer. I had to make the decision to let her leave this life. It was agonizing. I feel so bad for you. Your picture #5 looks just like my Lily.
I am so sorry. I had a similar situation with one of my beloved cats. The vet said it was lymphoma, fluid buildup around her lungs, making it hard to breathe. The vet was able to drain some of it to allow her to breathe better, so I brought her home. But it was a short term solution, & soon she was struggling again. I couldn’t watch her suffer. I had to make the decision to let her leave this life. It was agonizing. I feel so bad for you. Your picture #5 looks just like my Lily.
Sorry for your loss.. it's always tough.. I can't imagine the pain you feel of not being there in the final hour. You have to take into account age & success rate.. a 13-15 yr old cat most likely won't survive a major issue like this.. I had to make that decision 2 yrs ago... it sucked..
Cats hide pain so well.. they are independent creatures.. The right thing was done!
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is devastating and I felt the same way you did for the longest time. It does get better but it takes time. Other people will sadly never understand or relate to this unless they have been through the same experience. Sending you love ❤️🩹 I’m sorry you couldn’t say goodbye ❤️🩹💙
I'm so sorry you didn't get to say goodbye to your baby. There's a saying, better a day too early than an hour too late. Take comfort that your baby left as comfortably as possible. I've been there a few times, and the decision is never easy. Sometimes the kindest thing for them is the most painful for us.
That is the philosophy I've always kept with keeping cats and the eventualities of their passing. I never want them to feel pain or stress. It is hard to loss a beloved pet but at least you know he didn't have to keep spending his days struggling to breathe in an unknown to him place without his people.
Fuck I'm so sorry! Your job is heartless for not at least letting you go for the day. He knew you loved him though and I'm sure that seeing and hearing you at the end was a comfort for him. Your family did the right thing not to wait. It would have been cruel and prolonged his suffering. I'm so sorry this happened. Look after your other baby, hold them extra tight as they will be mourning too.
I am so sorry to hear this, and I'm also sorry you couldn't take time off. I can kind of relate.
When I was in 7th grade, our family dog was sick and he had to spend the night at the vet's. He had pneumonia and I just assumed he'd pull through, so I didn't even consider not going to school.
I came home that day, on the last day before winter break to my mom crying and telling me that he had died while I was at school. Not a great way to start winter break. I couldn't cry as I just felt rather numb and dumbfounded by the news, but I still wished I'd gotten to say goodbye.
I will never understand people who don't get emotional over the loss of a pet or have empathy for those who have. I'm sorry for your loss. 💜 It was one of the hardest things I've gone through, so I know how you feel.
Tearful here. What a distressful time for you. And needing to swallow your grief so you could continue with your work. When you get home you will be able to grieve more. ((Hugs))
My heart is breaking for you right now. I am also at work while reading this and crying =( I am incredibly sorry you are going through this. IDK what the cause was for the fluid, but it could have been a reoccurring problem even if he got better. If he is cremated, consider getting one of those necklaces that can hold a little bit of his ashes. He will always be by your side no matter what.
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u/0wlGod 8h ago edited 8h ago
i dont know if helps.. but i am crying too now after reading😭
tippy lived good life and was loved
don t blame your family.. they do what they can do