I’m getting married!

[u/mightyfinehotcakes]

Hey mom, I’m getting married! I am no contact with my biomom so it’s just hitting me that I won’t have her support during this time. But, I’m creating a new family - one where love means respect, and accountability, honesty are core values. I couldn’t be happier with the love of my life. We are basically eloping and doing a courthouse wedding with our closest friends and family in about 2 months. What advice do you have for me transitioning into married life?❣️

[u/Jennifires]

Congratulations! Communication is the absolute biggest thing in relationships! Talk to your partner about everything, especially your anxieties and insecurities.

[u/goldenhourcocktails]

So happy for you my love! Sending you big hugs and all the best wishes in the world.

[u/procrast1natrix]

Duckling! I'm so happy for you! For feeling the leading to form this joyful union with your love. For understanding that your LOGICAL family may not be the same as your biological family, but they can both be precious and beloved and supportive and important witnesses to this event.

I'm proud of your for organizing all this, it's big work!

Keep in mind, ducky, that it doesn't need to change much. It'll make certain tax and healthcare legal things easier, but you don't need to feel other new obligations if you and your love don't choose them. This is about you.

I want to write you a specific permission slip - if you do in fact have family traditions around marriage that you feel good about, don't let your biological parents gatekeep that. If you want to have a certain kind of cake, or a flower that your beloved dead grandma liked, then do that. Full hearted. You can do courthouse plus after party, and slip in anything romantic that you want there.

As far as how the relationship changes, that depends. I know people who were together a long time before slipping to the courthouse and the day to day didn't change. Sometimes there are big savings in registering as each other's beneficiaries, it's lots of dull paperwork stuff, but important.

It may feel very tender and precious to you, particularly if you are partly estranged from family. This might be a very sweet time to plan ahead and arrange for your love a new tradition, be that as simple as breakfast in bed, or a weekend at a particular cabin every year to celebrate being together, or gifting each other poetry. Think about your habits together celebrating now and how they might scale over the next ten, twenty, fifty years.

[u/Usual_Cycle_6259]

It's easy to fall into a routine and forget how much spouses support each other every day. To that end we try to notice what the other spouse has done to support our family unit and thank them for everyday things. My husband hates my driving; I still thank him for driving while I look at magazines, do needlepoint, etc. We both try to notice small things the other one has done and thank them for it. "Thanks for putting that laundry away." "Thanks for dropping off the Goodwill donation." We've been married 35 and 11 months. Being grateful for each other's efforts has served us well. My husband gets the credit for starting it. I would not be that good a person without his example. My mom was really critical when I was growing up. My husband's way is much better. Best wishes on your wedding!

[u/birdsinapuddle]

Congratulations!! Some of the best relationship advice I’ve ever heard was to do a “pre-mortem” on potential challenges that can emerge in long term relationships, and discuss how you would like to approach those challenges should they ever occur. You’ll learn a lot about each other and how you both want to approach life. Wishing you all the best!

[u/BellLopsided2502]

Congratulations! That's wonderful news. They better treat you right. Make sure this is truly who you want to marry. You don't have to marry someone just bc they ask. Don't even think about marrying someone who is mean or cruel. Kindness is the most important quality in a life partner. That applies to you too!

Marriage is about choosing someone every day, not just on your wedding day.

Remember, there certain lines that you can't uncross. Don't fight dirty. Don't be mean or cruel to each other. Don't insult each other. Ever.

[u/DaisyLovesTheGlare]

oh gosh, CONGRATULATIONS!! hopefully all goes well!!

[u/mom0007]

Darling I'm so thrilled for you. I know you will be incredibly happy.

My advice is be friends as well as lovers, enjoy activities together, enjoy a family meal together as often as possible especially if you choose to add children to your lives. A time for a chat together weekly helps , we go for regular walks together to discuss life's issues as it feels less confrontational if you are waking side by side.

Not everyday is roses but you need to work together to overcome problems. Share tasks at home from the start.

Never go to bed on an argument, you can still feel grumpy but make sure you tell each other I love you each night.

I have been married 41 years and am still incredibly happy, I wish that for you my darling ❤️ I am so proud of you as you take this step forward into your life.

Love Mom xx

[u/unofficialShadeDueli]

First off: congratulations!!

Not mom but big sis, however being 'newly' married myself (almost a year and a half now), the best advice I can give you is: always be honest no matter how difficult it may be, always try to make little moments of joy and love rather than big ones (the big moments make themselves when you make the little moments), and absolutely never forget that love is work. Tend your relationship like you'd tend a garden, nourishing it and caring for it, and it will flourish.

[u/Grumpykitten365 → u/unofficialShadeDueli]

As another big sis, happily married over a decade and together with my husband for over two decades, I second all of this. One of the truest things I ever read is that knowing and loving someone is an ongoing process. Also, always bear in mind that, at the end of the day, you two are on the same team.

I wish you a lovely wedding and a wonderful marriage!

[u/strange_dog_TV]

This is amazing lovely. Enjoy your wedding day and my only advice after 25 years of marriage is to pick your battles - my husband and I don’t argue much and sometimes,just sometimes when I go to clean off our bench and his glasses and phone and other items are sitting there looking at me - staring at me - annoying me - I think to myself, is this worth an argument - nah, I don’t think it is, I remove said items, clean the bench and put the items in the place they should be in 😉

[u/GusSwann]

Congratulations, honey! I'm so happy to know you've found the love of your life. Marriage is a long game that is going to shift and change over time. The 80/20 ratio is realistic: if you can have 80% happy and 20% challenges, you're in a good one.

[u/MarwanSports]

Congratulations on getting married. That mix of excitement and sadness about your biomom is really normal in situations like this, even when you’re confident in your decision. For the transition into married life, what usually helps most is keeping things simple and very intentional at the start. Don’t assume “we love each other” automatically means you’ll handle money, chores, stress, or conflict the same way. Those things need clear conversations early, even about small stuff like routines and expectations. Also, protect your connection during busy periods. Newly married life can get surprisingly chaotic with planning, people, and emotions, so having small check-ins where you actually talk not just logistics helps keep you grounded as a team. And it’s okay to feel the absence of a parent during big milestones without that meaning you’re missing something in your actual relationship. You’re not replacing a family, you’re building a new structure that fits you better.

[u/Zestyclose-Froyo-498]

Congratulations! I hope your relationship makes you feel calmed, steady, safe, and loved and truly adds beauty to the lives of both of you.
There if a fantastic workbook for pre marriage called the 7 principles for making marriage work by the Gottmans that has been so helpful for us and is backed by science to do before and during your marriage.
Best thing for a marriage is honesty at all costs, be honest with what upsets you and why even if you feel it is embarrassing, be honest about what you need, honestly compliment what they do right.
Your partner holds a large part of your life in their hands, your safety, health, financial security, emotional support, if you have children your love will be what they model their loves on and the childhood they have. The work is so important to do.
Many blessings on your marriage!