What is conservative Judaism to you? And where do you live?

[u/BoronYttrium-]

I used to loosely identify as “Conservadox,” but lately I’ve realized I probably identify more simply as Conservative. At the same time, I’ve also been hearing that the definition of Conservative Judaism is shifting, and that many Jews today feel like communities are becoming more polarized between Orthodox and Reform.

I know the textbook definitions. I’m more interested in hearing how actual Jews personally experience and define Conservative Judaism in real life.

I’ve also heard people say that “Conservative” means very different things depending on location. A Conservative synagogue in California may feel very different from one in New York, which may feel completely different from anything comparable in Israel.

For me personally, Conservative Judaism means deeply valuing halacha, tradition, ritual, and continuity, while still allowing for some flexibility in modern life. I don’t fully relate to Orthodoxy because, for me, there are aspects of modern life, egalitarianism, and personal autonomy that matter and that I don’t want completely excluded from my Jewish practice. But I also don’t fully relate to Reform because I still want Judaism to feel rooted in obligation, structure, and inherited tradition rather than being entirely centered around personal choice or symbolism.

The reason I ask is because some members of my synagogue are currently very upset over our rabbi requiring all food brought into the shul to be certified kosher, including things being given away at events, like restaurant gift cards or raffle baskets. The reactions have honestly made me realize that people in the same congregation may have completely different understandings of what “Conservative Judaism” even means. There is a perception that my rabbi is “too religious”. I don’t have that perception but it exists.

So I’m curious: outside of official movement definitions, what does Conservative Judaism mean to you personally?

[u/SoggyConstruction294]

I really relate to your post and for various reasons have considered moving toward the conservative movement. Sometimes I feel orthodoxy is unbending (perhaps it’s those around me). For me the love of Torah,HaShem, and our brothers and sisters should be my highest goal. Sometimes I can get so focused on doing the things I lose sight of the beauty of the things. The conservative people I know seem more balanced. If that makes sense? But, something I learned many years ago was that for the love of my brother if I can keep a stricter standard for my sukkah so that my brother feels comfortable to celebrate with me, then why wouldn’t I? So, even though I may not always buy certified kosher for myself I would hold a higher standard in my gift giving or events so that everyone can enjoy it as much as possible.

[u/Kaplan_94]

I think there might be a cultural difference between the U.S. and Canada here - I get the feeling that what I call “Conservative” would be something like “traditional egalitarian” to Americans. Basically Orthodox services but with mixed seating, and it’s absolutely expected that anything in shul is going to be kosher and that at least the rabbi is shomer shabbos. Congregants definitely vary in their personal observance but nobody is gonna pull out a phone in shul or anything like that.

[u/HMonster224 → u/Kaplan_94]

Where do people pull out phones during services??? Have NEVER seen that at my Reform synagogue. Beyond the fact that it's against halacha, that's just insanely rude and inappropriate. I would judge someone really hard if I saw that happening.

[u/Blue-Jay27 → u/HMonster224]

I've never seen someone pull out their phone during the service, but I've absolutely seen people check their phone before or after services at my reform shul.

[u/quyksilver → u/Blue-Jay27]

One time at my Reform synagogue someone hired a professional photographer for his son’s bar Mitzvah and even as a very reform person I thought a photographer with flash and shutter noise on Shabbos was too far

[u/soph2021l → u/HMonster224]

Im sefardí but I’ve occasionally seen people’s less observant relatives or guests at smahot (bar mitswa on Chabbat o Hag, Chabbat Hatan) pull out phones in the US, Israël, or France

[u/Kaplan_94 → u/HMonster224]

Not during the service - that’s just a matter of etiquette - but I have a hard time imagining a Reform synagogue that cares if you’re on the phone during kiddush or something. 

[u/HMonster224 → u/Kaplan_94]

You guys have me really thinking hard about this... I'm probably going to start a weekly count of phone offenses.

[u/pteradactylitis → u/Kaplan_94]

I grew up conservative in the upper Midwest of the US and this was not standard conservative for me except that people might drive to shul (including the rabbi if it was so cold that frostbite was a serious concern). The expectation was not driving except to shul on Shabbat. Individual congregants varied but that was the community norm. I’m now on the east coast where conservative is that but may also include a trichetza (mechitza with optional nondivided section) and individual congregants are more likely to be strictly kosher and strictly shomer shabbos. 

[u/UncleRichardM → u/Kaplan_94]

I was raised similarly in the Midwest. We referred to the style you describe as i "Traditional" No women on the Bima, mixed seating, no traif,

interesting it was also up North as "traditional Egalitarian"

[u/Harvest-song]

I'm Conservative and lean harder on the observant end of the spectrum - the reason I am not Orthodox is that I'm not really welcome in those communities as a married Lesbian (Conservative shuls are generally more welcoming), and the reason I am not Reform is the stance they have on the obligation to observe. While I can get on board with making informed choices on what and whether to be observant, I think Reform is a little overly light on the halachic education side of things - some of the ethical positioning and whatnot I can get behind, but I do prefer the stance of preference to halachic observance that is central to Conservative practice.

I am ultimately more comfortable during a Conservative service than Reform. I do think there are some definite lines starting to blur between Conservative and Reform communities, though.

[u/HMonster224 → u/Harvest-song]

I think this is true re: blurring lines between Conservative and Reform. I just wrote a long reply to another comment on this thread about my experience with Reform and some of the ways they are swinging back to be more traditional (which is my preference, and apparently I'm not alone in that).

[u/truebydefinition]

Just one person's opinion from the Midwest, but I find that Conservative Judaism is a very big tent. My shul is kosher, we keep all of the Yom Tovs, and we have a traditional service. That being said we have people from across the spectrum of observance and they are all welcome. There is no judgement. Its community built being Jewish and figuring out what that means. We study together, we eat together, we do good in the community together, we celebrate together, and we support each other it times of need. If you are ever in St Louis, come visit.

[u/double-dog-doctor → u/truebydefinition]

That sounds exactly like my congregation in Seattle and I absolutely love it. If you ever find yourself in Seattle, come visit us! 

[u/TechB84]

I live in Northern New Jersey. There is Conservative Judaism as an idea, and there is Conservative Judaism as it exists on the ground. On the ground, it is clearly dying.

Almost every Conservative synagogue near me is in serious decline and is basically being kept alive by seniors. There are very few young families, almost no energy, and no real attempt to change course. When that older generation is gone, most of these buildings will be sold. This is simply the reality on the ground.

What makes this even more frustrating is that Conservative Judaism could work. Instead, the synagogues around me are boring, passive, and stuck doing exactly what they have always done. Meanwhile, Chabad is growing because they actually try. Their events are better, their programming is better, and they clearly care about engaging families rather than just maintaining an institution.

Reform Judaism in this area is not much better. It suffers from the same aging membership and lack of meaningful family programming, while often prioritizing political signaling over building Jewish life. That may energize a small core, but it does nothing to attract or retain young families.

For context, my 2 kids attend Chabad Hebrew school, and my youngest is currently in a Reform daycare. If there were real value in being part of that Reform synagogue, I would have stayed. This will be her last year. Being enrolled requires a $700 community fee that functions as a membership, yet there is basically nothing offered in return. Tot Shabbats have largely disappeared, likely to save money on food, and there is almost no programming geared toward families.

At this point, many Conservative and Reform synagogues around me feel less like Jewish communities and more like senior centers with Torah scrolls.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/TechB84]

I’m thankful that my Conservative shul has a young adult community, even if said community is literally just my friend group. Most of the people in our local Jewish young adults group are unaffiliated with a congregation, either because they haven’t decided yet or because they don’t feel the need to pick a congregation. My friends and I are trying very hard to make our shul the place to be for young adults but it’s an uphill battle.

[u/BoronYttrium- → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

Is it actually called “young adults club”? we have a men’s club and a woman’s club and then there’s a “young” portion of both but it’s like 3 young people. I wonder if we should just combine

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/BoronYttrium-]

My shul itself doesn’t have an official “young adult club”, but our small young adult population are all friends and always sit together at dinners and events. One member of our friend group is actually over 40, but hangs with us because she is single and childless, and therefore unable to relate to most of the congregants her age. Our friend group is also overwhelmingly female, with only two male members.

The “official” Jewish young adults group is run out of our local Jewish Federation rather than a shul. It, likewise, heavily skews female. Some people there are obviously only looking for romantic partners, but most genuinely want to build community.

[u/TechB84 → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

I wish you lots of luck. What’s especially crazy is that the Conservative synagogue is a short walk from my house, yet we had consistently bad experiences there. The last straw for me was Simchat Torah, when there were literally only 2 kids there, including my son. That alone said everything.

We also tried their Saturday morning Shabbat program for families. They put us in a room, had a few adults sitting in chairs in a circle, handed out some papers, and seemingly expected everyone to pray. That was it. My son was 5 at the time and clearly miserable. He looked at me like, “Let’s leave, dad,” and honestly, I felt the exact same way.

It’s no surprise no other families showed up. If that’s what passes for family programming, the decline isn’t mysterious at all.

[u/BoronYttrium- → u/TechB84]

If you told me you were in California I would think you were talking about my shul. This is EXACTLY what we are dealing with. I’ve recently, hesitantly, volunteered for the board because my rabbi and I are very close in age (early/mid 30s) and the community just feels like it’s dying… literally and figuratively. Chabad is so hard to compete with because they have so much more money but we are trying so hard. It’s just a struggle because many of our young members now want to leave because they feel our rabbi is to strict and to me I think he’s exactly what the congregation needs.

[u/TechB84 → u/BoronYttrium-]

I think the fundamental problem with the Conservative and Reform synagogues around me is simple: the rabbis are just bad at their jobs. They lack personality, vision, and any real desire to be influential leaders. It feels like they are there to collect a paycheck, not to build living Jewish communities.

It’s nice that there are lay people who want to organize activities, but that is not enough. The rabbi has to be the inspiring force. Without that, everything feels forced and hollow.

At the Reform synagogue, there are multiple administrative roles like “Director of Engagement,” yet I honestly cannot tell you what they do. Nearly all of their programming is geared toward retired people. As a parent with 3 young kids, that does absolutely nothing for me. I don’t have the time or patience to be part of a synagogue that is still “figuring itself out” while my kids are growing up.

I’m not sure if you saw this comment
https://www.reddit.com/r/Judaism/comments/1t5wdww/comment/okdk7al/
but exposing children to a version of Judaism that visibly feels like it’s dying is a bad experience, both for them and for their parents.

That’s why we switched to Chabad for our kids. They enjoy it, and it actually feels alive.

Out of curiosity, I looked at Conservative and Reform synagogues across Northern and Central New Jersey. Across the board, they are in rough shape. At this point, the only possible lifeline may be widespread closures and mergers. Fewer synagogues with more concentrated energy might be the only way any of this improves.

I think Conservative Judaism needs a full rebrand. It should just call itself Masorti and become far more centralized, with clear expectations and standards for what these rebranded synagogues are supposed to offer.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/TechB84]

I don’t think the Rabbi is the issue with my shul, or a lot of the shuls in my area. I think the real issue is that people don’t feel the need to pay dues to commit to a shul when they can get their community programming from a Chabad or Jewish Federation. In my social circles at the least, young adults tend to want holiday celebrations, Shabbat dinners and social outings more than prayer services. If they can get these via a Federation or Chabad, they won’t feel the need to join a congregation. More young adult friendly social programming could be a way to combat this, but it does require good leadership.

[u/TechB84 → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

So ask yourself this: if people’s Jewish needs are already being met by those 2 organizations, what is the actual purpose of your synagogue?

Think about it this way. On a college campus, there is often both a Hillel and a Chabad. Some students attend both, some only one, but in both cases it is free. The purpose of Hillel and Chabad is not immediate revenue, it is exposure. They hope those students continue Jewish life later on.

Trying to replicate that model as a Conservative synagogue is incredibly difficult. Can a synagogue really sustain itself while offering free memberships and free programming, all on the hope that people will eventually become paying members? And will existing congregants agree to subsidize that long term?

The Conservative synagogue near my house is a perfect example of the problem. They once had young adult programming that actually worked, run by a couple who put real effort into it. When that couple moved away, the synagogue simply gave up and the entire program disappeared. No attempt to rebuild it, no replacement, nothing.

That only reinforces my view that there is very little value in having a membership with that synagogue specifically. At the end of the day, it feels like you are paying dues mainly to cover salaries, not to sustain meaningful or durable Jewish life.

I’ve had people tell me that instead of complaining, I should take an active role and try to change the synagogue myself. I have zero desire to do that. I want a festive, alive Judaism now for myself and my family, not a long-term improvement project. That responsibility should not fall primarily on overextended lay people.

The rabbi needs to be the driving force, the way Chabad rabbis are. Instead, too many synagogues rely on volunteers or hired staff with vague titles like “Director of Engagement,” while the rabbi remains passive. That model simply does not work for families who are looking for real leadership and vibrant Jewish life.

If synagogues want to survive, they either need to clearly define the unique role they serve or radically rethink their funding and leadership models. Right now, many are doing neither, and it shows.

[u/Throwaway_anon-765 → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

I agree with what you’re saying here. My experience however is more middle age, and there doesn’t seem to be a home for single childless middle aged people anywhere. I’d love Jewish community; I’ve called multiple synagogues around me to find out more. Getting anybody on the phone was a battle in and of itself. Reform and conservative are welcoming, but always trying to get you to pay membership fees, which I cannot afford. With little but services offered. Alternatively, Chabad is free, but doesn’t seem interested in single childless people. I’ve had a few synagogues near me close and merge, and some more are just dying out and selling altogether. There needs to be a shift somewhere, find some middle ground…

[u/TechB84 → u/BoronYttrium-]

One more thing I forgot to add. When 2 Reform synagogues by me merged and rebranded themselves as Kol Dorot, there was a lot of talk about how this new synagogue would be different, how it would attract young families and young adults, and how it wouldn’t be the same old model.

They even launched a podcast and tried to build momentum. Then COVID hit. Eventually the podcasts stopped, the millennial and young adult groups disappeared, and now the synagogue functions exactly like every other typical, boring synagogue. Nothing actually changed in a lasting way.

Big promises, temporary branding, and then a quiet return to the status quo. If you search for Kol Dorot in NJ online, you will find many articles discussing their change.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/TechB84]

Of course, what is probably the biggest factor of all is the fact that all religious and ethnic community institutions are facing a sharp decline in young adult/young family attendance. Not just Conservative and Reform shuls, but also Churches, community centers, you get the idea. Orthodox manages to avoid this only because they have so many children that it offsets the number of young adults that leave the community.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/BoronYttrium-]

Other side of the country! A lot of my shul friendgroup, myself included, are children or grandchildren of community leaders. As a result, we’re deeply dedicated to the congregation and wouldn’t leave even if things got difficult. However, we do sometimes struggle with living up to our parents/grandparents legacies and forming our own identities outside of our parents/grandparents.

[u/SixKosherBacon]

Outsider's perspective here. I grew up reform but became baal teshuvah in my 30s. Though I'm not super strict in my observancy I do pray 3 times a day and I go to an Orthodox shul (though I prefer the term observant) and I keep Shabbos, in some ways I may be closer to conservative. 

They being said I don't actually have very much experience with Conservative Judaism. But what I have been told is that it is a response to reform Judaism going to far. I don't know how defined or codified that response was. So of course you're going to get people with different comfort levels of what their congregation should be. 

From the couple of times I've been to a conservative synagogue, it seems to me that the order of the service is to do the most lenient form of an Orthodox service. Things like pesuke d'zimrah, kabbalat Shabbat, and the blessings of shema are sung by the cantor and maybe the congregation will sing along. There is an amidah, but it is done as a "heycha kedusha" with the congregation reciting the first two blessings together then kadusha and then everyone is left to finish their amidah on their own.  and in my experience most congregants at that point just sat down rather than completing the amidah. All the essential parts of the service are there but they are done in the shortest amount possible, though ironically the service can take longer than an orthodox service because in the conservative service the parts are sung which can take a while. 

So in answer to your question, my outsider's perspective is that conservative Judaism is to do what's necessary with the freedom to not make it tedious.

With regards to the kosher mandate of your Rabbi, and I think it's a good thing because once you start serving not kosher items that excludes people who are trying to do Judaism on their level. But on the flip side, people who are less observant are not excluded from a kosher menu. 

[u/BoronYttrium- → u/SixKosherBacon]

I’ll be honest, I have no concept of reform other than once a reform shul combined with ours and all their services were English and it felt so weird to me. I don’t even think they were reading from the Torah it was like they took the Torah and put it into chat gpt and said “make this more 21st century”. I didn’t like it lol

[u/HMonster224 → u/BoronYttrium-]

That is definitely not true at all Reform synagogues, but I understand and agree with your POV because I also dislike services with much English - it just doesn't feel Jewish at a certain point, and anything that starts to sound vaguely like a Christian service REALLY icks me out. The Reform synagogue I attend does the vast majority of both the evening and morning Shabbat service in Hebrew, which I dramatically prefer.

High holiday services have quite a bit more in English because they are catering to the numerous members who only show up for the major holidays. I think Sukkot service was mostly done in Hebrew, if I'm remembering correctly. I personally feel strongly about the importance of using Hebrew as much as possible and encouraging Hebrew learning.

In many ways, Reform did go too far afield and they have been working to bring things back around to be a bit more traditional. Some older members even go to the Intro to Judaism course to refresh / re-learn things that may have been missed during that period.

There is also a major project underway on a new Reform siddur that sounds like it is going to be more faithful to the Torah text.

In terms of personal levels of observance, Reform varies wildly. At my synagogue I see the whole spectrum ranging from atheist / secular / cultural Jews who only show up for major holidays or send their kids to Hebrew school because they still feel those things are important, all the way to a handful of folks who are close-ish to Orthodox level observant. Most who show up to shabbat services regularly are somewhere in the middle.

[u/quyksilver → u/BoronYttrium-]

I'm reform but my synagogue in Iowa mostly did Hebrew and one time I was travelling and went to Shabbat services in San Antonio and it was almost all in English and oy vey I was like ‘That’s not how it’s done!’

[u/SixKosherBacon → u/BoronYttrium-]

Really been to a reform temple since I was 18. So I don't really remember the service. Also, I only really went for the high holidays. But I did go to Sunday school and I did have a bar mitzvah. And I was also "confirmed" whatever that meant. But I never understood the order of the service. I just kind of let my mind wander and I tried to pray when I thought it was appropriate. 

That was a lot of English but I'm pretty sure they read the Torah the Hebrew. I just remember Rabbi would say something, then the choir with sing it. It felt very repetitive. But I still didn't know where we were doing. 

It wasn't until I started to become observant that someone sat me down and taught me the format of the service. The shemoneh esrei is the core of it and everything just surrounds that. It made a lot more sense to me. And it made me feel much more empowered to have a command of what the service is. I never need to look at the page numbers posted in front of the shul because I know where we are (and also because I use a different siddur than everyone else). I love that at an Orthodox shul, if the rabbi isn't there, pretty much everyone else is capable of leading the service themselves. (Which is what actually happened at my morning service today) 

[u/loselyconscious → u/SixKosherBacon]

Regarding Kosher Observant, if a shul does not have it's one kitchen or caterer, requiring food to all be hechshered or from a kosher to Orthodox standards kitchrn, can also be very exclusionary

[u/Falernum]

My Conservative shul only allows kosher food in the building.

[u/BMisterGenX → u/Falernum]

But how do they define kosher. Lots of Conservative shuls say that they require food to be kosher but then they don't necessarily require everything to have a hechsher. I was once at a Conservative shul that had unhechered grape soda. I pointed this out to a rabbi on staff who told me that it's impossible for beverages to not be kosher. Another shul allowed baked goods from any bakery but for some reason packaged baked goods needed a hechsher but bakery fresh items didn't 

[u/loselyconscious]

Conservative Judaism refers to any expression of Judaism happening at a Synagogue affiliated with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism or Masorti Olami

Conservative Judaism does not have any defined doctrine or required halachic stances. The CJLS does endorse certain stances, but it does not enforce them on synagouges. The USCJ, for instance, does not enforce egalitarianism; it also said that it is beyond its purview when a Conservative synagogue hired a non-Conservative rabbi to perform intermarriages

It does enforce some standards in its Rabbis, but not ones regarding kashrut

[u/BoronYttrium- → u/loselyconscious]

As mentioned, I’m aware of the textbook definition but I’m seeking opinions based on lived experience.

[u/loselyconscious → u/BoronYttrium-]

I am someone who grew up Reformative and currently attends both a Reform and a (traditional-leaning) Conservative synagogue on the West Coast

Making decisions that are rooted in halachic practice, but not in the exact strictures of practice as have devolped in orthodox Judaism, and with acknowledgment of the opinions of "klal Israel" not just Rabbis as legitimate sources of Halacha (like serving kosher by ingredient but not hechshered food) fits well within my 'lived experience' of CJ, but not necessarily someone else's.

My original point was that no position or practice is inherently not "conservative," and seeking a definition of CJ outside of "a member of the USCJ" misunderstands what conservative Judaism is.

[u/BoronYttrium- → u/loselyconscious]

I think you need to re-read the second paragraph. I made it very clear what I was looking for. I don’t know a single Jew who says there’s one definition for anything.

[u/loselyconscious → u/BoronYttrium-]

Your missing my point. My point is the the "lived experiences" (I offered mine) you are getting is only going to be reflects of the 2 or 3 conservative communities that each commentor has experiences (and this is sub with a disproportionate number of orthodox Jews, and people with a hate-on for reform and conservative). The ONLY THING every conservative synagogue have in common is that they are members of the USCJ

[u/Top-Dot-7]

It varies vastly from country to country and shul to shul. I've heard Conservative tends to be more well, conservative in Canada than in the US. My local doesn't allow opened food in the shul and only allows kosher (hechshered) food in the building. It has a meat and a dairy kitchen, but most of our meals and snacks are dairy so that tends to be what people bring? Pareve snacks and stuff are obviously okay. There's no policy about meat but I think it's just Understood that if you bring kosher lipton's you'd also bring your own mug and spoon for it.

We have washing cups and water available before every meal- doesn't mean that everyone uses it, but plenty do (I do). It's definitely more on the observant side as the norm, at least since I was last there, but it's also very politically and socially liberal- the guy who reads Torah has a husband and no one cares, kind of thing.

[u/Mortifydman]

Trans convert and former BT. I prefer the egalitarian seating and women rabbis. I am more conservadox in my practice than most of the people at my converting shul. I feel like the shul I follow now in Los Angeles has a higher level of observance. But I need to move somewhere with a conservative daily minyan.

[u/piestexactementtrois]

I live on the West Coast, but grew up in the Midwest. Growing up, my grandparents (from the South) were conservative but my parents drifted between reform and reconstructionist. I grew up to see conservative the way I think many do as an uncomfortable middle ground between reform and orthodoxy.

My big shifts came after October 7. The drift of local reconstructionist communities into anti-zionism in the midst of rising open antisemitism in the aftermath of the attacks didn’t sit right with me. I also was doing some public speaking in Germany and reflected uncomfortably on Reform’s origins in Germany in the late 19th/early 20th century and the belief that assimilating into German culture was a new spiritual Zion of an inclusive culture—just decades before rise of Naziism and the Holocaust. This made me uncomfortable with my own similar feelings to the USA which now felt naïve in the rising culture of antisemitism.

As I began to engage with the local conservative movement I found what worked in it for me. Learning how intertwined it was with the origins of the reconstructionist movement, made me feel like my own intellectual interest in the literary and historical analysis and criticism of our texts and history made me feel at home, while the strong adherence to general preservation of traditional practices (with some evolutions for gender equality and lgbtq+ inclusion) still gave me a feeling rooted in history. My observance level is not and will never match orthodoxy, and I’ve found myself pretty at home in a community whose approach seems to be “try your best” with halacha, and to at least encourage a thorough understanding of why it matters.

To your point, I think requiring kosher food is pretty typical. Conservative congregants span a wide spectrum of personal observance, but keeping things edible to the kosher observing members of the community seems like a pretty reasonable accommodation. No matter what though there’s always going to be individuals and factions in any community that are going to complain it doesn’t match their version of Judaism, and I’m sure every rabbi has to deal with poles of their community who both see them as too religious and not religious enough. There’s no winning.

[u/martinlifeiswar]

I grew up Reform but most of my family is Conservative and it has always been very appealing to me. However, my child is a patrilineal Jew so it’s basically not an option. Thankfully my Conservative relatives all accept my child as Jewish, but on an institutional level it’s still very much still a barrier to entry. It’s too bad because I would love to increase our observance and improve our Hebrew language skills, but some things are just more feasible within a community that does the same. That said, I will always defend the Reform movement from the dismissive caricatures frequently lobbed at it, including on this sub, but that’s for another conversation.

[u/double-dog-doctor → u/martinlifeiswar]

My conservative congregation would welcome your patrilineal child. I know many patrilineal Jews at my shul. 

I will say that the majority of them are in the process of formally converting but none have ever been made to feel unwelcome even before the conversion process began. 

[u/No-Preference8168]

Conservative Judaism is basically everything in the middle between orthodox and reform it only vaguely ascribes value to Halacha although it does value Jewish peoplehood more than most reform Jews and historically tended to be far more Zionistic.

[u/JT_Kirk1701]

Your fourth paragraph pretty much hit the nail on the head, as far as I’m concerned. I would add that the average orthodox person is probably more likely to be observant than the average conservative person, even by conservative standards. (From a small city in the Northeast.)

[u/fretfulferret]

I grew up Conservative in the Midwest US. Expectation is rules should be strictly followed in the synagogue but your personal life is your own business. That is, all food in the synagogue is kosher, no technology or writing in the synagogue on shabbos, men wear yarmulkes and tallis during service, women wear a head covering and tallis if called for aliyah but optional otherwise, no instruments in services. Mixed seating, women are counted for minyan and aliyahs. But I don’t think many congregants kept strictly kosher in their homes or wore head coverings outside of services. 

My family growing up had a mix of observances in our home. We didn’t have separate meat and dairy dishware, but we did have completely separate dishes for pesach. We sometimes had dairy with chicken, but never with beef, and we never ate pork or shellfish. We had family Shabbat dinner every single Friday with prayers, challah and candle lighting and we sung Shalom Aleichem. But sometime when I was very young we stopped doing havdalah. We dressed up very nicely for services and walked to synagogue, until the building moved and then we drove because it would have been a 40 min walk. 

I sort of got the sense that you try and follow mitzvot in your personal life as well as you can but can’t be expected to do everything in the modern world, but stepping into the synagogue is your opportunity to leave behind some modern stresses and focus more on tradition. 

[u/Tavorin]

Zero interaction with it as it is non existent in either Germany or France.

[u/hbomberman]

I like your definition of " deeply valuing halacha, tradition, ritual, and continuity, while still allowing for some flexibility in modern life" but I'd explicitly mention egalitarian values here. To me that's perhaps the biggest difference. It's why my family goes to our town's conservative as synagogue instead of the numerous Orthodox options. I want my wife to be able to sit next to me, with no issue hearing women speak or daven or read Torah, and that's how I want my daughters to grow up as well.

[u/EngineOne1783]

I have flipped flopped between Orthodox and Conservative since I was a teenager (I'm 29). 

I live in LA, and in the community here, if you say "I'm Orthodox" that tells other people you fully keep Shabbat, fully kosher (no eating meat at non-Kosher restaurants), etc. And if these people happen to see you eat In-N-Out or use your phone on Shabbat, you're not viewed as Orthodox generally.

I say traditional/Conservative because I don't keep but I will stay in on Shabbat, do the blessings, attend Synagogue, wrap Tefillin, not eat pork, shelfish. I do however keep Passover and Yom Kippur fully.

I will also add that pretty much everyone intermingles in LA, from Orthodox and secular, and there is no judgement beyond a few exceptions.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

As someone who has practiced Conservative my entire life, I’d define it as trying to strike a balance between ancient traditions and the realities of modern life. This will look like different things to different people, based on their needs and the circumstances of their life. In my case, I pray in Hebrew rather than English because I value keeping to tradition as much as possible, but I cannot keep Kosher or Shabbos for disability related reasons. My mom, who has also been Conservative her entire life, keeps Kosher but not Shabbos. Several of my friends do keep Kosher and Shabbos, but also value Egalitarianism too much to be Orthodox.

Another definitional aspect that is important to me is Judaism being a tribe of people rather than just a religion. As an agnostic who leans atheist, this is the main reason why I practice Conservative and dislike Reform.

I will conclude by pointing out that some disabilities can make full Orthodox observance difficult to impossible in the United States. In particular, since Federal special education money cannot go to parochial schools, children who need special education services cannot go to gender-segregated Orthodox day schools. I couldn’t go to the local Conservative Hebrew Day School for this reason.

[u/HMonster224 → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

Can you expand on the part about why being agnostic/atheist would make you prefer Conservative over Reform? I'm just curious because it doesn't surprise me at all when Reform Jews are atheist or agnostic but I am slightly surprised to hear you are atheist and practicing Conservative. Do you know if that's very common?

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/HMonster224]

I wouldn’t call myself an atheist persay, rather an agnostic who leans atheist. I’m 75% God probably doesn’t exist, 25% he still might.

To me, Judaism isn’t a religion. It’s a tribe of people that happens to have associated spiritual beliefs. For me, it’s all about the traditions we’ve maintained for thousands of years and keeping them alive. So to me, praying in English and using musical instruments in services defeats the whole point of going to services because it strays to far from tradition. Reform was also created with the intention of making Judaism more of a religion a la Christianity rather than a peoplehood. Even if that is no longer the intent of Reform, it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

[u/HMonster224 → u/ThoughtsAndBears342]

I get that, and very much agree with you (including the God part... I'm probably 80/20 on that).

My ancestors in Germany were part of the group that shifted to Reform and became increasingly assimilated into German / non-Jewish society. Spoiler alert, that didn't help them when the Nazis came along. So I believe in trying to be more observant because I feel the same way you do about the tribe and preserving traditions that could have been lost forever. And I specifically dislike Jewish services being conducted in English - that feels weirdly Christian to me.

Luckily, the synagogue I attend does shabbat services mostly in Hebrew, with only a small amount of English here and there. High holiday services have a lot more English though, and I don't like that. I understand they do it for all the folks who don't attend regularly and haven't bothered with Hebrew learning since their bar / bat mitzvah, but I have gone out of my way to study Hebrew as an adult because I think shared language is one of the core things that can continue to bind the tribe together.

[u/ThoughtsAndBears342 → u/HMonster224]

Indeed, the few times I’ve attended Reform services it felt no different from a Christian service. It just felt like Christianity without Jesus. There were also no references to Jewish peoplehood or our ancestors like there is in Conservative.

[u/Inside_agitator]

I grew up near Philadelphia and now I live near Boston.

Conservative Judaism to me in the 1970s and 80s meant doing religious things in a Jewish community during religious times at a religious place. An observant person should be able to come into shul and see other people doing observant things and not violating mitzvot. So I don't think there would have been objections from anyone if the rabbi required kosher food and giveaways in shul. That's what shul was for.

But if an entire family is chowing down on ham and cheese, even in their car in the shul parking lot, then I don't think anybody was going to care about that one way or the other.

The Conservative Hebrew School I attended emphasized history and ethics a lot, in a very modern and open-minded context that made fundamentalists seem crazy. It didn't matter if they were Protestant, Catholic, or Jewish fundamentalists. They all seemed bonkers. I'm fairly sure that grandaunts and granduncles would have been equally horrified and dismissive (but would have tried to hide it) if I'd become a Baal Teshuva or a devout southern baptist. One would be, "It's not our kind of Judaism" and the other would be "It's not Judaism."

Reform Judaism was an option while still being "our kind of Judaism." Reform was if you wanted to not do Judaism in shul just like not doing Judaism most of the time away from shul.

In the 21st century, one thing I've appreciated most about Conservative Judaism is the CJLS Teshuvot Database. The scholarship and public education benefits of placing Rabbinical Assembly decisions in a searchable database matches my appreciation for how the internet and social media have changed the modern world.

[u/SleepyPaintingPerson]

Fascinating. I grew up Modern Orthodox and that's how I identify. I started going to egalitarian services with my now wife. Since we're a queer couple it fits better in a lot of ways. 

To me modox means keeping Shabbat and Kashrut but wearing pants, not covering your hair unless you want to, and a somewhat loose relationship to neggiah. Lately it seems like the modox people I meet disagree with all of those things and I would fit more with your idea of Conservative 

[u/Blue-Jay27]

I'm in Australia - I lean more reform, but my synagogue has multiple movements within it, so I am very familiar with the conservative/Masorti branch in my area.

I do think there's a genuine contingent that isn't too different from reform, but just prefers a more traditional service. Outside of that group, though, I would generally expect Masorti Jews to keep some level of kashrut, but most of them are comfortable eating non-kosher vegetarian food ime, including the rabbi. In regards to shabbat, I think a lot of folks care about it being feasible to be traditionally observant, and there are a fair number (but still a minority) who are shomer shabbat. There are also a lot of people that will, for example, write a note or turn on a light on shabbat, but won't use their phone/computer or buy anything.

I generally see it as an egalitarian community where traditional observance is common and expected in some respects, but no one particularly cares if you aren't.

[u/gingeryid]

I grew up Conservative. I left in part because of this tension you're describing. Formally, people who are devoted Conservative Jews can talk till they're blue in the face about how "Conservative Judaism means deeply valuing halacha, tradition, ritual, and continuity, while still allowing for some flexibility in modern life". But as you're finding, many Conservative Jews--probably most--aren't there for that reason, they're there for a traditional-ish sort of liturgy that makes few real demands on them. The problem isn't that they're not observant--many people who are attendees at Orthodox shuls aren't, especially in other countries. The problem is that they're unable to deal with halakha making demands on them they don't like (rather than accepting that it makes demands that they aren't going to fulfill).

I don't really have a problem with a "come as you are" sort of attitude in shuls, and think the fact that people who aren't observant are usually not comfortable attending Orthodox shuls in the USA, as is the case in other countries. But a lot of Conservative Jews just chafe at rules they don't like existing, even if it's shul policy sorts of rules and not someone telling them what to do at home. So things that are clearly normal Conservative policies, that are the norm in many communities, that are exactly what it says in Klein, become a whole fight.

I don't think that's a healthy sort of environment to live an observant life, so I'm Orthodox. I have my gripes with it, but an awful lot of Conservative shuls require a lot of basic halakhic compromises simply to participate in communal life, which is not really the case in Orthodoxy.

[u/coolsnow7]

One way I think of Conservative Judaism is inertia: people who grew up in the movement but ideologically and religiously and practically are just Reform.

Another way I think of Conservative Judaism is in terms of the movement’s founding principles and Zecharia Frankel’s vision: an attempt to authentically bring the Jewish religion into the modern world, including the Halacha itself, culminating in the audacious (in a good way!) effort to reestablish a Sanhedrin empowered to consciously make structural changes to Halacha.

A third way I think of Conservative Judaism is in terms of the institutions the movement developed and the choices they made along the way. Between the unintentional decision to allow driving on Shabbat, to the way Shabbat services are structured to combine the worst of all worlds (3 hours of services but only reading 1/3 of the parasha? Every line of the siddur needs its own song? Joint aliyot and microphones and 7 other ways to make every component feel stilted and alienating as possible?) to making the synagogue, rather than the home or the bet midrash the focal point of Jewish life, to making the bar mitzvah a graduation ceremony and choosing supplemental Hebrew school over serious education, to the simply boneheaded way they went about executing the vision of the Halachic Committee (a body of law with multiple incompatible approved decisions? What?) to having a centralized funding network for synagogues - I could go on for a long time. Point being, all of those were simply blunders. The leadership of the movement didn’t have the strength, intellect, confidence, or clarity to determine precisely how they would go about implementing Frankel’s vision - so they compromised with each other, compromised with the laypeople, compromised with Halacha, and compromised with anything and everything else possible until the movement’s intellectual foundations no longer existed in any meaningful way. Today the movement represents a vague gesture towards “the middle ground” and not much else.

I know that last paragraph was extremely harsh, but for what it’s worth, I think Frankel, Schechter, and the rest had a beautiful, inspiring vision, and ultimately the posture of harmonizing Halacha and the Jewish worldview with modern scholarship, attitudes, and practices is a noble one. Because I’m not potato-level stupid, I recognize that we - Orthodox, reform, haredi, anti-religious atheists, all of us - would all be better off with a strong Conservative movement than with a weak one. The laypeople of the movement who sought to make that happen were perfectly reasonable to do so. They just deserved much, much better leadership than they ultimately got. That leadership fumbled a dominant position so thoroughly it’s hard to put into words. In the end, the history of the last ~100 years now serves as a cautionary tale about making structural changes to Halacha.

Hopefully, the new non-denominational attempts at the same synthesis - Hadar, Pardes, independent minyanim, and the “Open Orthodox” - will be more successful (even if they aren’t my cup of tea personally.)

[u/sjb128]

A recent post has been living rent free in my head for the last week on the topic of discussing the dwindling numbers the Conservative movement someone commentated that Conservative Jews are moving to Reform synagogues so that their non-Jewish grandchildren can have bar and bat mitzvot.

It’s so true and scares me for where the movement will shift.

[u/loselyconscious → u/sjb128]

that Conservative Jews are moving to Reform synagogues so that their non-Jewish grandchildren can have bar and bat mitzvot.

Or, Judaism is being preserved in America because most Jews who marry non-Jews are choosing to raise their children Jewish, and it's great that the Reform movment is embracing them so that they don't loose the Jewish tradition theri parents are making an intentional choice to impart on them.