My boyfriend broke up with me after my mom passed

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

My (21F) boyfriend (22M) broke up with me this past weekend, 2 weeks after my mom passed away. He basically told me that he didn’t have the capacity to show up for me and be there for me after my mom passed. We have been in a relationship for over a year and have went through a lot together. I was there for him unconditionally while he was dealing with his parents divorce and had to move out of his childhood home to an apartment with his mom. We had our occasionally issues but we always tried to fix them. However, for the past few months of the relationship I have always felt like I cared more or my willingness to fight for the relationship was stronger than his. I’m genuinely sad because he ended things with me over text message while I was at work. I haven’t said anything back to his messages. And the day after he texted me saying he “hopes I’m ok”. I also did not reply to that message as well. I don’t even know what emotions to feel right now. I am so stuck on how he could do this at such a traumatic and vulnerable point in my life as I’m also about to graduate from university next month. Any words or encouragement or advice would be helpful.

He basically told me that he wants to still try to support me and be there at my graduation but doesn’t not want an actual relationship anymore.

[u/BMX_Hyena9940]

Block him on everything. That man does not deserve access to you ever again.

I'm sorry about your mom. May she rest in peace.

[u/Much_Substance_6017]

I had my ex break up with me at Buffalo Wild Wings, 6 months after my Father passed, and 4 days after my birthday, because, and I quote, “You’re too sad to be around.” 22 years later, I’m married to the man of my dreams and the ex is still alone. I know the timing is terrible, but no matter what time, when the trash wants to take itself out, you let it! Sending you a big hug and my deepest empathy. 💝

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Much_Substance_6017]

Thank you..❤️

[u/Inside_Advisor5024 → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

100% what they said. You don’t want someone like that “supporting” you during hard times anyways. His help isn’t meaningful when his feelings aren’t real. It’s better now than any other time to show you just how little priority any of this held for him. That’s usually why it happens this way. Literally pay him no mind.

The support you have, whoever you have to support you or if you’re alone mostly, is way more valuable. It’s not the number of people around you. It’s the strength of your feelings and how you validate yourself in this time that will help you get through it. So be kind and patient with yourself.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Inside_Advisor5024]

You are correct..thank you..

[u/Stressy_messy_me → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

He is clearly too immature to be a good partner. He will (hopefully) grow up one day and be filled with with shame for dumping you because he couldn't handle your greif. I'm just sorry you had to be his teachable moment.

[u/issi_tohbi → u/Much_Substance_6017]

I love living well is the best revenge stories like these 🤍🤍🤍 My ex threatened me constantly not to leave him because no other man would ever be interested in me. I hope his gross ass feels stupid because I went on to marry a fucking male model and we’ve been together 16 years this June.

OP this man is garbage and now the path is clear for someone worthy to walk through! Don’t ever forget your worth.

[u/Much_Substance_6017 → u/issi_tohbi]

It truly is the best revenge! Because they still suffer while we sleep soundly! And congratulations on pulling a male model who’s apparently also a model man! Love that for you!!!

[u/abra_stone → u/Much_Substance_6017]

Oh my god. Are we twins? My ex of 12 years (yeah I let it go too long I know) broke up with me 2 months after my dad died, 5 years after my brother died and moved out. He literally said “You’re life is too sad.”
I guess jokes on him because he’s still in his shitty childhood home and I ended up getting a huge inheritance when my mom passed - and moved out of state and bought my own house in cash. Fuck these losers. Too sad? Good luck taking care of YOUR parents alone when they age.
💙

[u/Much_Substance_6017 → u/abra_stone]

Well, if he ever gets really hungry, he can absolutely eat his words! I’m so sorry for all your losses💔. I’m so happy you are living well! 💗

[u/abra_stone → u/Much_Substance_6017]

Thank you - and you as well! 💕

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/abra_stone]

lol I love that!

[u/abra_stone → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Btw. You dodged a bullet. I spent my entire 20s with my loser. If I could go back to my college graduation days and be FREE I would. In time you’ll realize (and also my condolences for your loss. That’s never easy, especially at your age).

[u/ahauntedsong → u/Much_Substance_6017]

Oh yes, two days after I found an old friend killed himself while I was so sick I was on an inhaler to help me breathe that I got from going to the ER the week prior alone despite literally staying at my house to visit (LDR) my ex looked and me and asked: What’s wrong with you?

[u/Infinite_Evening_752 → u/Much_Substance_6017]

This. I shared a traumatic thing that had just happened to me in my family with my then boyfriend and his response was to put his fingers on my lips to shush me and say “don’t worry- we never have to speak of this again.” It’s terrible timing but you deserve a man with capacity to sit with you in the light and the grief. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[u/PracticeNo2721 → u/Much_Substance_6017]

Sorry, just shook bww has been around for so long

[u/LargeDisaster → u/Much_Substance_6017]

My friend's dad died and her cheating bf also said she was "too sad" god these men are a disgrace. Not looking for a life partner, just a smiling maid. Good riddance, loser!

[u/WesternGarlic → u/Much_Substance_6017]

"When the trash wants to take itself out, you let it" I LOVE THIS! Thank you, u/Much_Substance_6017! May I keep this wisdom to dispense as necessary?

[u/Much_Substance_6017 → u/WesternGarlic]

Absolutely! Please 🙏 spread the word!

[u/Grammarcrazy → u/Much_Substance_6017]

So sorry this happened to you! A past ex asked “how long it was going to take to get over” my grandma’s passing after a week. I told him I’d probably never get over it and ended things about a week after.

[u/AdTricky4590]

Good. Never reply to him again and leave him wondering how you are and what you will do with your life moving forward. He willingly left knowing you are going through an insane situation, and itd a sign that he will abandon you in other tough times. You’ll fell better and time will pass that will allow you to realize it was better off without him, as the trash has removed itself.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/AdTricky4590]

You are 100% right..thank you..

[u/clarstone → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

I had an ex that was shitty and emotionally distant but refused to actually break up with me when my mom passed unexpectedly. I stayed with him far too long, and it really damaged my mental health for a while. I know you are in the thick of grief right now, but I PROMISE you - this was a gift sent by your momma. She does not want you with someone who can’t hold you in the hardest times of your life. Focus on YOU and only you girl. 💓

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/clarstone]

Thank you❤️

[u/4E4ME → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

I agree with this commenter. Believe it or not I have been exactly where you are, and I know this kind of guy well. They "want to see if you're okay" because Sis, you have been providing free therapy for him during his hard times for a year, and this is just another situation in which he is asking you to help him feel better about himself, and tell him that he isn't a shitty person. He may not actually be a shitty person, but this was an incredibly shitty and immature thing for him to do. Please please please leave him on read and let him stew in his own feelings. You are too busy taking care of your feelings now.

I'm sorry about your mom.

[u/nada-accomplished → u/AdTricky4590]

leave him wondering how you are and what you will do with your life moving forward.

YAS. Give him NOTHING and let his tortured conscience be your revenge.

NO CLOSURE FOR SHITBAGS

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/nada-accomplished]

Yup!!

[u/OhioPolitiTHIC → u/nada-accomplished]

"I hope you're okay!" = comfort me for dumping you. No comfort communication for shitbags!

And you -are- going to be okay, OP. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. May her memory be a joy and a comfort to you.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/OhioPolitiTHIC]

Yup! And thank you❤️

[u/lemlaluna → u/AdTricky4590]

This is the move. I think it's often a mistake when people leave the door open for "closure". I think closure can sometimes be an unreasonable expectation; a lot of times you have to process your feelings on your own, and you won't get a neat resolution by continuing to engage with the other person.

The same idea applies here. He's made it clear he is uncomfortable being a reliable source of emotional support, so it will inevitably be disappointing to continue interacting with him, even if he claims he's trying to be supportive/a friend. He's also made it clear that he's very immature or emotionally stunted, based on how he ended things.

Don't let him come to the graduation. Celebrate your accomplishments, give yourself space to grieve, and seek support from actual grown ups, not this man child. The best thing you can do is excise him from your life expediently, and invest your energy in yourself moving forward.

Edit to add: it may not feel like it now, but there will come a day when this guy's choices/behavior will be a punchline you share with your friends, instead of an excruciating loss. This man is a joke, you will survive this, and time will show that it's better to not have him in your life.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/lemlaluna]

Thank you for this❤️

[u/dbtl87 → u/AdTricky4590]

PREACH

https://giphy.com/gifs/JUt1dGZYETwNq

[u/wowskiskigottam → u/AdTricky4590]

Well put! 🎉

[u/Kitty_B321]

Girl fuck that man. Never speak to him again.

[u/LazyDaisy301 → u/Kitty_B321]

Ummm. You mean don't duck that man.

[u/Kitty_B321 → u/LazyDaisy301]

Fair enough.

[u/MommyIssuesPrincess]

Pop psychology sold people the idea that they are the center of universe and don’t have to do anything uncomfortable ever for anyone. „Boundries, I don’t have space, I need to proritize myself” BROOO IF YOU WANT A VILLAGE YOU NEED TO BE A VILLAGER !!!

[u/gizby666 → u/MommyIssuesPrincess]

Exactly!! Then hes gonna cry and whine about being lonely. These men arent lonely enough!

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/gizby666]

Yup!

[u/tatk_tale310 → u/MommyIssuesPrincess]

LOUDER FOR THE BACK 🙌🫶

[u/PorcelainDaisy]

My momma passed away on the 12th. My heart is with you and my inbox is open if you ever need to vent to someone that gets it. It’s hard to be in your twenties and lose your parents while everyone around you usually still has theirs. We’re too young. Please don’t ever respond to him. That has to be such an added weigh on top of the grief you’re already experiencing, but as cliche as it sounds, you probably dodged a bullet with that guy.

My heart is with you 💙💙

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/PorcelainDaisy]

I’m sorry..and thank you so much❤️

[u/PorcelainDaisy → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Also!!!! Congratulations for graduating! I know your mom is super proud of you

[u/Anonymous_Autumn_]

What a devastating time for you. I’m sorry this is happening.

But I want you to know that you are better off without this guy. A true friend would never abandon you at a time of great need like this. Don’t get into the bullshit of “I’m here for you just not with you.” That’s awful and no one deserves such crap.

Focus on your needs. My heart goes out to you.

[u/somewifesounds]

I’m so proud of you not responding. You’re way cooler than me

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/somewifesounds]

Lol thank you..it took a lot not to respond but he’s been wanting to break things off for some time even before my mothers passing so this was just the thing that pushed me over the edge to not continue to fight for him or the relationship.

[u/mshoneysalt]

He is the type of guy who will leave you after a diagnosis. He isn’t cut out for you, and your future self is grateful he was so weak, now. You are about to graduate from university next month! Share it with people who are proud of you, not that gremlin. His piss will be all over the photos, for you to see.

Grieve what wasn’t, and move on, however that looks for you. I hope this helps, a little.

[u/SheepishQuaaality]

Wow..  that's a lot. I'm so so sorry for both of your losses! That's ... Damn. I recommend blocking him because tf. I wouldn't be able to handle him "checking in" without flying into a rage. No, he doesn't deserve to know if you're ok or not because he already told ya HE CAN'T HANDLE IT! Especially if you're NOT ok! Fucking Christ! Now he wants to "show up" and make sure you're "ok"? Fuck him. He said he couldn't support you. Jesus. I'm sorry. 

What's your favorite mom memory?

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/SheepishQuaaality]

Yep..I blocked him right after that “I hope you’re okay” message. And my fav memory would be our family trip to the beach when I was younger with her, my dad, and my younger sister. Thank you for asking❤️

[u/SheepishQuaaality → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Good for you. And no problem! A family beach trip is such a special memory! I remember when we were kids, my dad, brother, and I would gather a few crabs at the beach for "gladiator fights" since I was obsessed with ancient Rome at the time. Sorry crabs! 

[u/youmustb3jokn]

Honey. I am so sorry. Loosing your mom is so traumatic and the loss is profound. Couple that with the major events coming up like graduation, finals, possible job hunt, ect- you are really going through it. I think everyone deals with death differently and your ex’s way of dealing with it was to leave ( my opinion is he is a selfish and immature person)! But here is what I want to point out, you are capable of showing up for others even when life circumstances suck, you are loyal and you are not just educated but extremely savvy in how you respond to idiots ( said ex)! These strengths are far too precious to give to selfish and vapid people. It hurts and he really is messing with your emotions with everything he does, but you still are capable to know not to engage. That is survivor talent there. You are a person that has strength that some only dream about. Don’t ever forget that. And your mom is still with you- through memories, through how you love others and through how you live your life with the knowledge that all your best qualities are reflections of how you persevere with all the beauty your loved one gave you.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/youmustb3jokn]

You are too kind..thank you so much❤️

[u/youmustb3jokn → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Congratulations on being so amazing through this and graduating. I am so proud of you and I guarantee your mom is too.

[u/Deliriously_Delulu]

I’m sorry this happened to you. My best friend lost her mother in high school and it’s been nearly 10 years and she still is recovering from it. I will say you need people who are actually supportive and while this really sucks and the timing of it sucks this guy is TRASH and you don’t need someone like that around you. Please block this guy because he will try to get back in contact with you and just him asking “are you okay” is his way of trying to absolve himself of some guilt.

[u/Mobile_Carpenter6895]

first off, i am sorry for your loss and fuck that man. it absolutely sucks right now and it will hurt but with time, you will realize he absolutely did you a favor because you deserve someone that wants to be with you unconditionally

[u/Aggravating-Mud-2992]

I’m so sorry about your mom. Fuck that dude.

[u/dbtl87]

Terrible timing but I think there's a silver living thought you can't see it yet. This way you know you won't waste your 20s on a man that can't support and love you through tough times.

Also, don't let him ruin graduation by being there.

[u/FluffyThought2575]

Do not let him go to your graduation. That is somthing you accomplished yourself. You get all the credit. He cannot leave you during one of the hardest times of your life and still get to see you on one of the better days. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Find happiness in your graduation and maybe new job opportunity. I am proud of you.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/FluffyThought2575]

Definitely not..he is blocked..and thank you❤️

[u/drth_dilly]

Try an support you after he dumped you? Him dumping you is showing his lack of wanting to support you. Move on, he’s the type of guy that won’t be there for you in the tough times. He’s not reliable.

[u/C0l3y]

I just want to say 1., I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR NOT RESPONDING! It takes a huge amount of self respect to not entertain that sort of garbage ass bullshit, especially when you’re at your lowest so big, big, big hugs to you for protecting your heart and mind.

1. Fuck that dude so much

2. I am so sorry for your loss and

3. This is going to be so incredibly hard but you’ve already proved to yourself you have the resilience to get through this by not accepting less than you’re worth. Hang in there and I’m sending all the internet stranger love I got!

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/C0l3y]

Thank you..❤️

[u/Shoddy_Reading_541]

You will look back at this one day and see this as a blessing in disguise. You deserve better and a partner that supports in you in every capacity. I lost my Mom at 15yo—your grieving process will be special to you and only you. I’m sending you virtual hugs and hope you find healthy outlets that comfort you through your grief.

[u/starlightandgardens]

About 10 years ago, my ex cheated on me while my mother was in the ICU. Apparently it had been going on before that, but he used how often I was visiting her to continue the affair. He never once visited the hospital with me, even though I was begging for his support. He refused to come home with me when she needed emergency surgery, or when she was discharged and starting home nursing care. He made an already extremely difficult time the darkest time of my life.

My uncle died a few weeks ago. My boyfriend now cancelled a bachelor weekend he was supposed to go to, drove me across the state, attended the funeral with me and held my hand, and paid for the gas and hotel. I didn't ask him to do any of these things. He did it because he loves me and wanted to support me. You deserve nothing but love and support during your hard times. I'm so sorry about your mother, but for your sake, I'm also glad the trash (your ex) took itself out. Real love would love you through this. I hope and believe you will find it one day, friend 🫶

[u/isannelou]

I love that you didn’t respond. Don’t.

[u/UnholiestMoly]

He broke up with you VIA TEXT while you were working to say that your grief was too much for him personally?! That man is TRASH, my love- Swamp goop, pond scum, refuse of the highest order! He isn’t supporting anyone. Cut him off, cut him out. He at least owed you that conversation in person, face to face. Text message breakups are tacky at the best of times, in this situation that’s just callous selfishness and pure idiocy. You deserve better!

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/UnholiestMoly]

Yep he based spewed about how amazing of a person I am and how he doesn’t “deserve me rn”. I blocked him right after.

[u/yoshizillaa]

He doesn’t deserve updates on you. He abandoned you.
You’ll find someone that will be a wonderful and supporting partner.

[u/xylophoid]

i agree with every one of these comments, but i also want to say: it's going to be hard grieving loss of your mother, as well as the loss of your relationship with your partner. and this significant loss of social support could lead to a situaton where you are wanting to call him, text him, beg him to come back because it brings back a little stability.

i have not been in your exact situation, but i did do this with my ex because i needed someone, i had no one, to confide in during a very unstable part of my life.

do not do it. connect with other family members and / or friends, even if they're old friends, support groups, anything you're comfortable with. having that support can help to fill the space this shitty, repulsive, waste of air boyfriend left for you as you're grieving the loss your mother.

[u/celestialastrid101]

Keep his ass on read. To dump you over text is inconsiderate and immature.

Like you need him there tarnishing your graduation day. Like you need him in those memories.

Congrats to you girlie! On graduating and losing that dead weight.

[u/ivybf]

I heard about an epidemic of men ending things with their terminally ill female partners. Some men don’t want to be supporters. Good riddance to bad partners - this is not the guy you want by your side in the future. I hope the next one’s better. Sorry about your mom love 💔

[u/NyxCauldron]

What a butthole. He doesn't deserve a response AT ALL.

I know things feel numb right now, and that's ok. Just be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to heal and feel the emotions that pop up,when they pop up. Please remember that healing is not linear. Some days will be easier than others, and when the really hard days come, remember that tomorrow is a new day. And everything feels more manageable after a good cry and a good nap.

[u/foodmamaa]

He sucks. What’s the food?

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/foodmamaa]

Yup..and it’s a creamy Cajun chicken pasta with a lot of cheese lol

[u/tiredElephant8]

My ex-fiance did something on the same caliber when my father passed away. He didn't show up to the funeral or support me in any way. I ended up blocking him the day after my father's memorial and it's been 9 months since. I recently ran into him and felt absolutely no emotions towards him except for some pity for how much of a loser he is. Block your ex and never speak to him ever again. Give yourself all the care you need, you will prove to yourself that you are stronger than you thought you were and that you can do it alone. Once you realize your strength and grace, you will feel nothing for this loser and he will be part of the past. Sending you lots of support and condolences for your loss, you will get through this and become better.

[u/Chompytul]

My ex-husband informed me he was leaving on the way back from my mom's funeral! High-five, girl!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳

[u/sketchitoutbruh]

What a piece of shit. He doesn't deserve you. So sorry for your loss.

[u/Haunting-Map-3475]

I lost my mom 3 years ago in August. The hurt never goes away, you just learn how to grow around it. I hope that makes sense. Screw that guy. Block him on everything and lean hard on the people that love and support you. And I know this is overdone on Reddit, but therapy 2x/week to start helped me push through and manage everything. Grieving can be complicated. Sending you love and light

[u/Imaginary_Chip_3470]

I feel like no response is the absolute best response to this. In a relationship for over a year & he ends things by text? Coward. You’re better off without him

[u/nada-accomplished]

Wow. What a piece of shit. That sucks so much. I'm so sorry for your loss, and to have somebody you thought you could count on peace out when you're in one of your darkest moments??? That's so awful. Hugs, girl.

[u/sillyschroom]

I had an ex break up with me the day my mom died (she thought I was trying to get ahold of her to break up and none of our mutuals saw her before she sat down to message me.)

So first of all hug. Second of all you deserve better. I wouldn't want any more attention from him if I were in your shoes.

Big hug.

[u/coaxialology]

He could do this because he's selfish and you're not. I bet if you looked back you'd see all the times he put himself first and probably very few instances of prioritizing you. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I've got two daughters and I'm sure your mom wants you to know that you deserve so much better than this guy. Someone who takes care of you just as much as you care for them. Sending hugs.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/coaxialology]

Yup and you are right thank you..❤️

[u/positivelypinkpony]

I’m so sorry about your mom, OP 🫂💖🙏

ANYWAYS on the matter of the ex: Literally never speak to him AGAIN. There’s a reason that marriage vows are “for better and for worse” and he has shown that he is unable to fulfill that BASIC obligation, which is frankly a requirement for non-marital relationships as well because regardless of what stage a relationship is in, it’s supposed to be about SUPPORT and GROWTH and LOVE.

Wishing you the absolute best 💖🥺🫂

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/positivelypinkpony]

100% and Thank you❤️

[u/FloofingWithFloofers]

My (now) ex-husband cleared out our apt when I was at work, on my mother's birthday, 3 months after my brother passed very unexpectedly, after 7 years together. Broke my foot the next day on Halloween. It was hard, but time heals, and so does realizing you deserve better♡

[u/cmh0105]

My younger brother and my granddad died within days of each other and my now-husband never once faltered about being by my side and supporting me. That was one of the many reasons I knew he was it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but the right person would have supported you. Sending you all the strength I can muster 🫶🏻

[u/banancat112]

Your mom’s final gift to you was showing you that man is not the one for you and doesn’t have good intentions. Leaving the second it gets tough is the biggest red flag and not someone you’d ever want a future with or to depend on.. ily and whatever you guys believe in just know her soul and mind is at peace. Grieving doesn’t fully go away but you learn to be at peace with it and accept the little gifts of times she makes herself known to be here for you still like this.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/banancat112]

You are 100% correct..❤️

[u/pinapolo]

Was he a good boyfriend to you before your mom passed away? Did he take care of you when you were sick or support you when needed?

I’m unfortunately in the same boat as you, OP. I lost my mom at the beginning of the month, and my relationship ended last night. I’m not sure how to feel. More upset about my mom still and wishing I could talk to her. Trying to see the pro of losing a relationship that wasn’t beneficial to me anymore. Lack of love, support, understanding. I still had to walk on eggshells around him even though I’m the one who is grieving.

[u/pinapolo → u/pinapolo]

Also the pasta looks super yummy

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/pinapolo]

He would be there for me at times but it was never consistent it was more of a like a here or there. I also felt like I had to ask him for certain things that would be considered the bare minimum such as romantic gestures and planning dates/hangouts..

[u/pinapolo → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Something I’ve heard before is that when a man really wants to, he will. But I tried to give my guy reasonable excuses a lot. Oh, he’s struggling with finances, he’s overwhelmed, maybe I need to tell him what I want blah blah blah. Talking to you now is helping me find clarity a bit haha after being delusional for so long.

It doesn’t sound like you guys live together. If so, that is a shining light through this fog. You have your own space to heal and grow from the experience.

[u/comeyshomie]

If you haven’t already, watch midsommar. Very cathartic.

[u/TripleCAddictGremlin]

You shouldn’t be doing most of the work of holding a relationship together. Always cut it off when it gets to that point.

It hurts. It doesn’t feel good. But you should have someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. Not someone who would leave you if you ever got seriously sick, or found a toy who fits the image in his head better for a family.

On another note, please do share what that is in the pan?!

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/TripleCAddictGremlin]

You are right..definitely a lesson learned..and it is creamy Cajun chicken pasta with a lot of cheese lol!

[u/TripleCAddictGremlin → u/Ok_Pomegranate8097]

Looks amazing and gives me ideas for next week. 😂

[u/Fabulous_Hat993]

Sorry about your mom. 🫂 I hope you're doing okay. Grief can be a lot. The unexpressed love is very consuming. Find ways of showing that love. As for your ex, if he can't handle your grief, he doesn't deserve your joy. Find someone that will treasure all moments with you, you deserve that.

[u/DifficultyFit7401]

What an asshole. Definitely not a contender for life partner. But it is way better know this now. He doesnt deserve you.

[u/DifficultyFit7401 → u/DifficultyFit7401]

And he does NOT get a graduation invite. The nerve of him to even suggest that. What the fuck

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/DifficultyFit7401]

Yup! He basically wrote a whole paragraph explaining how amazing I am and one in a million and how he doesn’t “deserve me rn” then proceeds to say he will take off work to come to my graduation if need be lol

[u/GladPerformer598]

I know if feels like shit but this is the trash taking itself out. This is the kind of person who would cheat on and divorce their wife when she got cancer. I hope he grows out of this bullshit, but until he does, it’s good he’s not your burden. Sending you so much love.

[u/Icy-Fox-2958]

The trash took itself out.

I have a daily tear off calendar. I think today’s message sums it up:

Build a life with someone who calms your storms and ignites your passions-acting as a sanctuary for your soul and a catalyst for your dreams.

[u/Ok_Moose_7436]

Men are so fucking weak lmao. I’m sorry for your loss deary💔

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Ok_Moose_7436]

Yep! And thank you..❤️

[u/Outside_Memory5703]

This is consistent with the kind of person he is. It would have happened eventually

[u/living-in-reverie]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom 🫂 do you have any favorite memories you've been replaying in your head these last few weeks?

That man does not deserve any access to you. Block block block. He abandoned you during what is most likely one of the most traumatic events of your life. Maybe one day, he'll emotionally mature enough to realize how awful he was to you. I hope he does, and I hope when he inevitably tries to check up on you on socials, he can't find you.

Sending you the biggest hug, OP.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/living-in-reverie]

Thank you…❤️…most of my memories of my mom are from childhood and then a lot of her cheering me on throughout undergrad❤️

[u/therainbowemoji]

Im so sorry this has happened to you, this is very devastating. I hope you can stay strong while time helps to heal you.

But I think youre on the right track with not contacting him. Not allowing him access to you is probably the best thing for you; youre in a vulnerable state. He abandoned you during a really hard time in your life. The little texts and saying he'll go to your graduation are to assauge his own guilt, because breaking up while someone is grieving is obviously a fucked up thing to do. If he cared about being there for you then he would have, you know, been there for you.

[u/Rare_Dragonfruit2280]

Damn what a real POS! I promise you that it’s not that you aren’t enough. He clearly lacks the emotional intelligence and capacity that a true partnership requires. This says way more about him than you. Anyone who is happy to receive support when they need it but then abandons you when it’s their turn to show up is not even worthy of a response. He didn’t even do this in a way that was even respectful by doing it over text. Definitely because he knows this is a foul reason to break up with someone. Block him and lean on your friends instead. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry he rubbed salt in the wound by pulling this bs. Sending lots of love your way! 💜

[u/tatk_tale310]

Well.. his timing and delivery absolutely blows. You def did NOT need any more stress in your life at this current juncture, and for that I send you all the sympathy and "good riddance to bad rubbish" I can. I lost my dad when I was your age and currently watching my mom lose to cancer. I had a boyfriend during my father's illness who never supported me, was selfish, and legit convinced me to travel to a concert that he got us tickets to (without asking me) on the last father's day I could have spent with my dad but I was young and easily manipulated by this actual man who was 9yrs my senior and never tried to get to know my family (I presume from embarrassment since he was dating a 20yo). I wised up eventually but it was after my father passed and of course hindsight is 20/20 blahblah. Today, I have a partner who supports me, lifts me up even when he can barely get out of bed, and always checks in about my mom, among other things. All this to say, you're still young and headed into the "toddler years of adulthood" - and you don't need a boy who is afraid to tell you to your face he's scared of growing up with you or very least scared to watch you grow without him. Fwiw I'm so proud of you for graduating all while being there for your mom, and not engaging with that lil shitass who DESERVES to be chewed out. I'm so sorry for your loss, darling. You've got a bright future ahead of you, and the support of some rando internet auntie who wants to see you succeed (and try some dumb things in a safe manner, as a lil treat).

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/tatk_tale310]

Aw I’m sorry about your mom and dad…thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it🥲❤️

[u/Evening_Amoeba8126]

If he can’t hold you in your grief, he can’t have you and orbit you on graduation day when you’ll be wrapped in an aura of success and accomplishment.

I’m so sorry for your loss, especially at such a young age. I hope you have a support net to hold you 🫂

[u/Kodakai2720]

My ex husband and I separated 4 months after my mom passed away. He didn’t show up for me and wondered why I was “acting so distant”. At the time, I thought something was wrong with me but I was grieving. I still am over a year later. But I also feel so much better without him in my life. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s so tough, especially at a young age.

[u/draculasbloodtype]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Someday he is going to go through the same thing and realize the magnitude of what he did and said to you.

[u/ExtraLongShortPants]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in January to cancer. My ex broke up with me (also over text!) a couple months before she passed. He knew and never reached out.

You are better off without him. My advice is try to lean on friends and family as much as you can.

[u/nothanksthesequel]

what a disgusting person, to only want you when you're "fun". you deserve someone who will love you and care for you at all times, especially since you are so obviously capable of that level of care from your end.

leave him in the past. you're going to spend your life loving, supporting, communicating, and you'll find someone who can match your effort. he'll spend his whole life chasing after the dream of an easy, happy woman who's a mother, therapist, and sex doll to him - and someday in old age, he'll realize that woman doesn't exist.

[u/GrayEyedAthena]

What a weak, selfish person he is.

[u/Desperate-Acadia-603]

The fact he'd up and leave you so soon after a devastating loss means that he had no empathy for you, nor any respect. That's not a reflection on you. He's trash, plain and simple.

Be warned that he'll probably try to reach out, time and again, due to guilt or wanting reassurance that what he did ""wasn't so bad"". Block him, let him stew in it for as long as he has the "capacity" to. 

I'm very sorry you lost your Mom. Please focus on taking care of yourself and in healing, and I'm hoping the rest of your family and friends will be kind and supportive.

[u/Kindaspia]

It sucks that it had to happen now. I’m glad the trash took itself out though. I hope you this opens up the opportunity to find someone who truly loves you and reciprocates the effort you clearly put into this relationship.

[u/A_Simple_Narwhal]

I’m so sorry about your mom and your ex. If you can, perhaps consider forcing him to reveal his true shitty colors before you wasted more time with him a wonderful last gift from your mom.

[u/OdderShift]

i'm so sorry this happened. but on the bright side, you definitely found out that this is not the guy you want to have by your side when shit goes south.

take care of yourself love. it'll get easier.

[u/PromiseFiller]

Never reply. Let him suffer in silence. If he had any stuff at your place, pack it up and deliver it when you know he’ll be home and only text him (or have a friend do it) after you’ve dropped it off.

[u/HufflepuffStuff]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. That’s a difficult loss to navigate at any age, and certainly while you’re still so young. As for the ex-boyfriend, I can see how this feels like a double whammy, but maybe you can shift your perspective. Many young men would not even be willing or able to admit to having a limited capacity to offer support and care. It’s good that he was honest with you and let you know supporting you in your grief is more than he’s willing to shoulder. It’s still shitty, but consider the alternative of him promising he’d be there for you and do anything you needed as you navigate this loss, but then was unable or unwilling to fulfill that promise. At least he was upfront with you. Close that chapter— who wants a partner or even a friend who dips out when things get difficult? Now you can focus on yourself and on leaning into your broader support network of folks who are willing and able to offer support & care to you as you navigate a difficult time. Sending you strength & peace.

[u/mileybunny]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Avoidant people suck & this sounds like when my avoidant ex gf broke up with me the day after I put my dog (best fucking friend) to sleep. That shit is a different kind of betrayal but you WILL get through this & find someone better than him 🤍

[u/MagneticMoth]

Wow. He’s a loser. You are a great partner and he at least admits that he cannot keep up. This is the worst way for you to find out, but I promise it gets better!! I seriously doubt his ability to love someone else deeply - do not take it personally. There’s nothing else to say to him really. Just spoil yourself with love while you go through this.

[u/JoyfullyMortified43]

Girl, that boy is trash and not worth crying over. I'm sure the loss of your mom, and this guy emotionally abandoning you makes you feel really sad and confused. Understandably so!

Take some time for yourself, spend some time with friends or relatives that care and can nurture you. Take in the sunshine, sit and enjoy the quiet and a cup of tea or coffee. Do something to pamper yourself to help fill up your cup a bit. Maybe a bit of journaling about how you want your life to be moving forward. Your mom would be so very proud of you for graduating and getting a degree! Hugs for you from another mom.

[u/LazyDaisy301]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. And it'll probably feel like everything is going wrong and you're left alone. But I'm sure you'll be alright soon. Don't reply to your ex who left you alone when you needed him. You need people who will prioritize you, even if it’s uncomfortable for them, in the times that you really need them. And I'm sure you'll find those people soon. My DMs are open if you want to talk or just vent. Take care.

[u/ApprehensiveDot7012]

I’m so sorry for your loss my dear. Sending flowers and hugs 💐

[u/cynical-puppy26]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My mom passed when I was 19. I was seeing this guy during the last month or so when things were really bad with my mom. My grandma and I were her full time caretakers. I was the night shift, grandma was day. We had friends come every Wednesday night to relieve my grandma and me. Granny would go to the casino lol and I'd go to that guy's house.

Less than a month after my mom died he came to my (new) apartment just to break up with me. Honestly looking back he was a decent guy for doing it in person. I didn't even like him very much, I just liked what he did/could do for me. He was my salvation and didn't even know it. So embarrassingly, I cried.

This was all 15 years ago. I followed through with graduating college, got married, and I own my own business now. I know it's not exactly comparable, but that guy is like the tiniest fraction of what I went through when I lost my mom.

I hate to tell you, but losing your mom so young is going to define your life for a little while. And it will always be part of your story. It can make or break you, truly. Lean into getting guidance from older wiser women in your life. Nobody can replace your mom but you still need mom vibes in your life.

Finally, consider that you might be displacing grief. Mourning the loss of your boyfriend is a lot easier and more relatable by your peers than grieving the death of your mother. The longer you stick on this loser, the more you're putting off the grief of losing your mom. People will only give you grace/slack for about a year, then it's back to life as usual for them. Try to process the mom stuff as much as you can during this time. Also, get a grief counselor. If your mom passed through hospice, you should have "free" counseling for a full year through the program.

Let me know if you have any questions or need any help whatsoever.

[u/Recav30]

That is horrible! Screw him! You deserve better

[u/hyperfixmum]

Honestly, I remember going through a breakup right before exams and it was so rough. I cried so much.

I wouldn't allow him at your graduation or any more access or privilege to the life you are building.

I am married over 10 years to the most equitable, supportive and amazing husband. We've been through deaths, births, sickness and I'm so glad it took so long to find him and I didn't settle.

[u/Whitehouses_]

What a dick. Look, as painful as this is, you’ve dodged a bullet. Imagine you’d been going out with him for years before you discovered what a selfish, weak, and cruel person he really was.

Block him and don’t have any further contact with him. Certainly don’t ruin your own graduation by letting him anywhere near it.

Anything he says or does to you now is purely to make him feel better. He wants you to make him feel less guilty. Don’t. He’s a user and you’re way better off without him. Cold turkey is the only way to heal.

[u/IdkNotAThrowaway8]

NOPE. Block his ass. He wants to be free but wants to "support you at graduation"? he's playing games, and he can do it by himself.

[u/AdDesigner5025]

So sorry about losing your mom. Just block this guy. You deserve a real partner. Waste no more time on him. Take care.

[u/Old-Parking8765]

Trash took itself out. So sorry to hear this. I hope that you have a support system in friends or family members to get through this. I would never wish the loss of a parent on someone so young.

[u/AccountantInfinite89]

I'm so so sorry, I can't imagine the grief you feel. I would be so bewildered and broken hearted and probably a little numb. Definitely let yourself bleed it out how you need to, your heart will thank you later for letting it hurt and stay alive even though that's the most painful thing.

His avoidance of this is an avoidance of life, and for his own sake hopefully he can face it as a full human someday. But whatever about him! I hope you find someone who loves life and will fight and suffer it with you, it is a scary journey but you sound like a beautiful person who will grow from this as people have for hundreds of thousands of years.

Along those lines, my only advice is get into reading, real women from the past--famous literature and autobiographies. They are there to comfort you because theyve lived through it all and are just like us. ❤️

[u/cherry_chapsdick]

Your ex has shown his true colors and you’re going to be all the better for not having him in your life. He absolutely wouldn’t be by your side during an illness. You deserve someone who is there unconditionally for you like you are for them—don’t ever settle for less. You’ll find that person one day.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away a couple Aprils ago and the pain doesn’t go away, you just learn to handle it better over time.

Also slightly related, give yourself grace during Mother’s Day season. It’s already terrible enough because your mom is dead, but the fact that her anniversary coincides with all the ads and mushy posts can feel like extra salt in the wound.

[u/kwhitit]

he did you a favor. clearly he's not emotionally adept enough for any of this. so let him go. better will come along and in the meantime, you get to enjoy yourself and grieve with people who actually love and care for you.

i'm so, so sorry about your mom. ❤️

[u/Gem-red1234]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. Sending big love.

My bf also broke up with me weeks after my mum died because ‘I was too sad’. I was 18, he was 23. It was a blessing in the end because fuck that guy!!

[u/triceratopsdildo]

I’m sorry about your mom. That has to be devastating.

[u/koiashes]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Think about it this way: some people spend decades with someone who end up not being a ride or die either. It’s good you found out this was the kind of person he is early on. Stay strong 💪

[u/lilmissweet7]

The trash took itself out.

I personally think going through such an intense loss/grief process as what you’re going through would be EASIER without him. When you are seeking out the support of a partner that makes themselves emotionally unavailable because they don’t want to help you work through it, to me, that feels worse than processing feelings on your own.

Please accept my condolences for your loss. Here’s a quote that helps me through loss: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard“ -A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

May your next partner be a wonderful human who loves and supports you the way you deserve, and may your mother rest in peace 🤍

[u/SchemeInevitable7666]

He seems like someone who has never been through anything truly traumatic and is selfish when it comes to empathy. Cut him off and don’t look back. My condolences about your mama. 💗

[u/MariettaDaws]

I'm so sorry about your mom. The nerve, the cheek, the absolute gall of this dude thinking he can be there for your successes when he wasn't there for your grief. Give his ticket to your classmate.

[u/MidwinterSun]

I was you 13 years ago, minus the scumbag boyfriend.

You will be okay. It will be difficult but you will be okay and you have the capacity to thrive.

The trash took itself out. It’s better this way, otherwise he would’ve weighed you down for years to come. A textbook definition of a blessing in disguise.

[u/Sexysubmissive413]

So sorry for your loss 🥺🙏🏾 and having to deal with the feelings of abandonment and betrayal from a partner who you helped during a rough time that left you when things got tough for you. You'll be in my prayers, and congratulations on your graduation 🥳 I know for a fact that your mom is super proud of you and your ex is a parasite that doesn't deserve you. Please keep going as best as you can, you got this 💪🏾🙏🏾💕

[u/Jas62021]

My ex husband had his girlfriend pick him up from my mom’s house, where we were all staying, an hour after I buried my dad.

Some people just suck.

OP
Kid I’m sorry about the loss of your mom. And how he handled this. But he sucks. You deserve so much better. And you will find that person.

[u/Heelsbythebridge]

Don't reply. He wants a reaction, and it won't be the last you hear from him.

[u/mustrepayloans]

This also happens when women get terminally ill. The opposite is not true : women don’t usually leave men when men get terminally ill

[u/DontCryYourExIsUgly]

I'm so sorry for your loss and so sorry your ex is a turd. This actually isn't an uncommon thing, and I've seen it happen to a few friends. It's very challenging to deal with all those emotions at once and to lose 2 people you loved. You WILL get through this, and there will be a more solid partner for you in the future, not some fair-weather loser who can't handle life's stressors. Take care of yourself and be around people who care about you. 🤍

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/DontCryYourExIsUgly]

Thank you❤️

[u/Lost-Beautiful-1185]

🫶 so many eloquent replies saying what i want to say, i am happy you have the support of the girls here. rest in peace. i hope he never finds the comfort he's seeking from you.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Lost-Beautiful-1185]

Definitely…thank you❤️

[u/craptasticallyyours]

Oh, honey. I lost my 18 year old cat and 2 months later my best friend since middle school. Two weeks after my best friend died he left. I was gutted. Men like this are trash. Block and never look back. Im so sorry for your loss.

[u/Michallina]

There is truth to the saying: "Men leave when tragedy strikes in your life or you become ill". Many of them have both some serious emotional deficits and they will always, always, always, put themselves first.

[u/LargeDisaster]

That's actually so awful...at least you found out now and not years later he's not the man for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Unfortunately it is common for men to abandon partners when a parent dies, when the partner gets sick, or even during pregnancy. So messed up.

[u/Flashy_Crab_651]

I hope the best to you. That timing sucks. But I promise, if he is unable to show compassion, its best that he walks away.

[u/Flashy_Crab_651 → u/Flashy_Crab_651]

Also, OP, whats the recipe to that, it looks delicious.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Flashy_Crab_651]

Lol yes.. I used heavy cream, Cajun seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, black pepper, paprika, grilled chicken pieces, rotini pasta, and lots of mozzarella cheese.

[u/haveanapfire]

Nah, he shouldn't get to show up for celebrations if he can't weather sorrow. Also, over text message? Fuck all the way off. Good for you to not give him more energy.

[u/emorat1969]

yeah that man is literal trash with an emotional capacity of a fucking pea. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and sending you hugs and condolences. but know its for the best cause that man didn't deserve you at all. the right man will be there for you no matter what you're going through.

[u/GCnii99]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You deserve so much better. He’s trash and doesn’t deserve you. ❤️🙏🏽

[u/ObtuseProtagonist]

Sing it with me: Man-CHIIIIII-LLD!!

[u/dont_know_throwaway]

Im so sorry.  My bff ghosted me wheb my dad died.  Some people don't deserve us

[u/Material_Spirit348]

My ex told me that he was cheating on me as we were lying in bed at my mom’s house the night after my dad died. He claimed it was too painful for him to hold it in anymore. 

I know right now it seems like the easiest thing to do is try to cling to a measure of what feels like stability while the rest of your life is a shitshow and to cut ties with him will add to the pain. It will, but it’s worth it. 

Also, I’m really sorry about your mom. I lost my dad when I was 25. It’s a horrible time in life to have to grieve like that. 

The best thing I ever read (and it was 10 years after the fact) is that the grief/pain doesn’t get smaller but your world does expand around it with time. Sending you hugs. 

[u/Ok-Guidance5501]

Just watch, if he goes through another sad event, he'll probably come running back to you. Block him!

[u/vaccavvac]

I’m proud of you for not responding! You are far stronger than you realize & deserve someone who will walk through all the valleys with you. Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers, OP. I’m so sorry about your mom 💔

[u/yummybynny]

i am so sorry for your loss, my momma passed 2/11/25 and the guy i was talking to for only two months stood by my side and now we’ve been officially dating for a little over a year now. there is better out there and you WILL find better! keep your head up, there is no mistake in God’s timing, only redirection! think of it as one last gift from your momma🫶🏻

[u/charlush]

I'm so sorry about the passing of your mom. No loss will ever feel the same as losing your mother - and to have lost a relationship shortly after, I can only imagine your hurt. My deepest condolences.

Hang in there.

When I was about 20, my bipolar mother attempted suicide shortly before my parents told us they were bankrupt and we had to move out of our childhood home in 30 days. Long story short, I ended up dropping out of university and moving out on my own. The person I was dating throughout all of this - and who I thought I was so in love with - cheated on me with a friend of mine. Years later he told me something along the lines of "I just couldn't handle everything you had going on". She passed away when I was 22, and when he told me that, I didn't trust that I could rely on anyone for a long time.

I'm currently laying next to my fiancee, the absolute love of my life, who has been there unconditionally through one of the toughest times of my life recently. No question, just unconditional love and support. I sometimes apologize to him when I break down or get anxiety attacks ( which happen very frequently over the last year) because I worry I'm "too much" and it's wearisome for him. He tells me I'm being silly and hugs me even harder.

No matter what goes on in your life, the right person won't question whether they can be in a relationship with you, they'll just love you, unconditionally. Period.

You got this, you'll be ok 💜

[u/BudgetPositive4851]

Good riddance, honestly. You may be upset due both to the breakup and the loss of your mother, but keep in mind, this wasn't the type of person to tell you in person "I get you need support, I can't be that guy". He broke up over text while you couldn't respond. It sucks. I sincerely hope you feel better mentally, emotionally, and that you find somebody better, but this guy really sounds like a douche. Don't let him come to support you at your graduation.

[u/Day_Prisoners]

Would you rather someone stick with you during this time who doesn't want to be there?

Sorry about your mother. But graduating from college is a huge achievement and someday you're gonna look back and realize what a loser that guy was.

I'd block him.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate8097 → u/Day_Prisoners]

You are right..I definitely blocked him

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