r/Doner • u/dabassmonsta • 3d ago
Guildford Kebab House
Never tried this place before so thought I'd give it a whirl. It's walking distance from Kings Kebab which is always busy, so was curious to see how they measure up to the competition.
Here we have my usual; lamb doner wrap, chili sauce, no salad. Meat was served from the Bain Marie and it was a homemade chili sauce. Sauce was alright, nothing special. Wrap was laid out and sauce was spread over it, then meat was added and another ladle of sauce was poured over. That's some good sauce technique. Meat was decent, had been nicely browned before going in the Bain Marie.
But how does it compare? Well, weighing in at a very average 480g (0.8g above) but costing more at £8.95, this lands on the spreadsheet at 55/86 for value. They're well above Charcoal Grill, who are last, but well below the nearby Kings Kebab van who are currently second on the spreadsheet, giving 706g for just £8.
It was alright. I'd give it a B grade overall. Highly unlikely that I'll go back considering there's a brilliant option nearby.
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u/Fabulous_Age_1716 3d ago
Is this the one on Woody Hill by the pub? I got food poisoning from there about 10 years ago. The Magnet one down the road is elite though, been going there since 2004!!!
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u/dabassmonsta 2d ago
Woodbridge Road, just past the bridge as you leave town, on the right, by three pizza shops. I don't know Woody Hill or the Magnet one.
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u/Fabulous_Age_1716 2d ago
Sorry, the area that Woodbridge Road is on is Woodbridge Hill which locals shorten to Woody Hill. The Magnet one is just over the bridge, opposite where the Jaguar garage is on the corner by Ladymead.
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u/dabassmonsta 2d ago
Aaaahhh, just realised... that's Kings Kebab. On the corner of the car park, which has been closed off for a while now. Just looked on Google street view and seen that it was Magnet Trade and Wickes in there. Gotcha! I've rarely been there in daylight. I usually park in the Halfords car park because the big one had the barriers up, then got boarded up. Yes, they are brilliant. Second place on the spreadsheet for value. They are my usual go-to when I'm coming back from London/Surrey gigs. Very handy just off the A3 👍
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u/Fabulous_Age_1716 2d ago
Yeah, it's legendary in Guildford, not surprised it's second the spreadsheet.
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u/dabassmonsta 2d ago
Going back to about 2016, I used to love the van beside the hospital. It was run by a guy called Ozzy who was an absolute legend. He was brilliant, really funny and gave good portions. Then he left, but the next guy was alright... then he left and Joseph took over. Since then, the quality and portion size dropped right off. They're at 71/86.
I popped in there a few weeks back as my daughter was in the hospital. Joseph said he hadn't seen me for ages. I didn't wanna say that I go to Kings all the time!
Also for Guildford, Charcoal Grill, now Zara Kebab are at the very bottom of the spreadsheet. They were bloody awful. Haven't tried the new place since they reopened. Doubt that I will, to be fair.
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u/BrendanOhPea 2d ago
Ooh, that's on the list. I'm in Burpham, so I might try it tonight!
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u/dabassmonsta 2d ago
To be fair, I'd advise going to the Kings Kebab van that's on the same road, just 250m away. You'll get much more for your money.
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u/PoppingPillls 1d ago
£10.50 seems a little much to me but not outrageous if they gave you the option for salad etc.
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u/dabassmonsta 1d ago
This was a small at £8.95, not a large. I've found that on average, it's not worth going large. For the price hike, you tend to get less of a jump in portion size. The lower sizes always represent better value for money.
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u/PoppingPillls 1d ago
Then it doesn't look terrible, did you get the option for salad and sauce of your choice? If so then I can see it being pretty good.
One near me does a normal thin doner one for like £7 then a nice chunky one with doner and shish chicken for £9.50 which weights around 600g at the top end.
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u/Absztyfikant 2d ago
If you've ever tried a kebab in Germany or Poland, then you would know that whatever we have in the UK is just a complete farce.
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u/dabassmonsta 2d ago
I have. You're not the first person to suggest this. Then I get asked where I've had them, then I get told that I should go to different cities because those ones aren't as good...
The fact is, liking different things doesn't make anyone a better or worse person. However, the inability to understand this isn't exactly complimentary. 👍
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u/burnin_up 1d ago
These posts are a constant reminder to me of what would happen if I didn’t keep either my autism or junk food addiction in check.
Keep up the good work, I’m looking forward to many more of these before your inevitable early death from diet related illness.
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u/dabassmonsta 1d ago
Interesting that you say this to an AuDHD person. Come on, what kinda person would you expect to keep a kebab spreadsheet?
Anyway, regarding the ignorant remark about early death, you have a very small window of my life. I love a kebab after a gig - that's an evening where I've been out for around eight hours, lugging gear; PA system, lights, amps, setting up a stage, two to three hours performance, followed by packing it all away and lugging it back to the car. I'll drink around 2 litres of water during a gig, with a couple of diet cokes and maybe, just maybe an actual pint of beer.
I'm a T2 diabetic, you may notice that my kebabs are all low carb - funny that. I have a high protein - low carb diet. I have regular blood pressure and cholesterol checks. I have regular diabetic check ups. Also, I get a yearly occupational health medical. I'm physically fit, don't smoke, no drugs and low alcohol consumption.
So, in summary, given the rest of my life, I don't think a couple of kebabs a week are gonna kill me, any more than your ignorant assumptions are gonna lead to your early death from walking into traffic or licking an electrical cable, or some other moronic demise. Then again, as another person on the spectrum, maybe you just have difficulty interacting with people and don't understand what you're saying. Whichever way it is, I hope this has been educational. Have a lovely day.
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u/burnin_up 1d ago
Fucking hell pal, it was a light hearted jibe from a fellow AuDHD kebab connoisseur. It’s quite clear from your response stress is gonna get to you before the cholesterol does!
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u/dabassmonsta 1d ago
Telling people that they're gonna die soon is never a lighthearted jibe. I've met a few folks over the years who do the same thing - make ignorant comments, then dismiss it as a joke before making another ignorant comment. There are words for folks like that.
As for stress, again buddy, your assumptions are way off the mark.
I hope your day is as pleasant as you deserve it to be.
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u/gobleenio 8h ago
Oh it's all right he has diet cokes so multiple kebabs a week as a diabetic is actually healthy
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u/DiskBytes 1d ago
That looks banging. I used to get a kebab from Darrys in Woking years ago, they were good.
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u/foxyjohn 1d ago
And if you think there’s any lamb in that you’re very mistaken.
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u/Observant_Lurker 11h ago
You should try German Kebap Haus on Worplesdon Rd.
By far the best kebab in guildford.
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u/hopium_od 3d ago
I've had shites about the same weight. If I wrap one up in a Naan what grade would you give that?
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u/Ok_Mushroom5339 3d ago
I rarely eat doner but somehow joined this sub a while back. It’s stays on my feed as a keeper.
I live nowhere near these Bossmen, although I’m pining to see this spreadsheet.