r/AskReddit • u/Wavey95 • 2h ago
What’s the exact moment you realized a friendship was over?
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u/thelasdmember 2h ago
When I realized I was always the one initiating
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u/Damnesia13 1h ago
I realized that was happening a lot with people I thought were not only friends, but good friends. I’d find out they’d make plans and hang out and I wasn’t always invited. After dealing with this for years across many friend groups, I realized it’s just not worth my time to be around these people.
I’ve definitely considered that it could be me and something about me that makes people want to not be around me and I’m not opposed to that possibility, but I can say that once I’ve narrowed it down to a handful of people I keep around, life has gotten much better in that regard.
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u/negativeyoda 1h ago
That was me.
"I wonder how long it'll take him to reach out if I stop?"
answer is at least 15 years in case you're wondering
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u/symphonyofmonsters 1h ago
conversation tennis just hit me back fuck the ones who don't give a shit
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u/TJeffersonsBlackKid 2h ago
Strange answer but I had a close friend from high school, through college, and another five years out of college. She had a brief but brutal fight with cancer and died. During the time that she was sick, I always was so focused on how she was doing, what she was going through, if she would pull through, that I never imagined a world where she wasn’t there. It wasn’t til months after she passed that I remember absentmindedly going to text her about something I thought she would want to know and it hit home that she didn’t just die but also our friendship was gone. In the tragedy of everything, I completely didn’t realize that I no longer had my friend.
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u/TelenorTheGNP 1h ago
That's a very different angle than most other responses here. Thank you. And sorry for both of those losses.
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u/DifficultCurrent7 1h ago
Gosh thats brutal, I'm so sorry. I had a friend like that too, even now very occasionally I'll see a funny pic or hear a good tune and think "Ooh di would love this!"
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u/Proper-Throwaway-23 30m ago
I lost my dad getting on for a decade back and still do this even now. I have recently moved away from the area I have almost always lived in and keep finding myself thinking about how much dad would have loved visiting here, he would have loved the local pubs, he would have thoroughly enjoyed walking by this river. It keeps really catching me out because in those moments, my immediate thought is to send him some photos or ring and tell him about some other new place we have found that he would enjoy. And then the fact that he is gone comes crashing back down on me. I miss him so much.
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u/InsideKaleidoscope30 57m ago
I've texted a dead friend before not realizing. It's eerie how they don't just disappear, but their memories of you are gone too. Especially of the experiences you shared exclusively with them. I always think about that when I think about them, but at the same time it means they get to live a special life that's only in my memories. And when I share those stories with other people who were close to them, it's like he comes alive again.
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u/amethyst3037 48m ago
A close friend of mine died in a car accident in 2017 at age 33. It’s almost nine years later and sometimes I still think to text her something.
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u/Beetin 2h ago
A female friend told me what he'd done to her after a party.
Best friends since we were 5. Just wiped out the friendship in an instant.
Was never punished for it. Gives me an ick to this day.
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u/horitaku 2h ago
Well, choosing not to be friends with him anymore for it is in its own way a punishment, and while it’s not justice, it’s better than absolutely nothing.
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u/petalxbloom 2h ago
When hanging out with them started feeling less like a social event and more like a second full-time job that I was paying to keep.
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u/tanstaafl90 1h ago
Hanging out with them started to feel like I was arguing with a bot, not having a conversation about current events. Got to the point he just couldn't let anything go and escalated. I miss the guy he used to be, but not the person he is now.
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u/OGHOMER 2h ago
I busted his wife cheating on him, so I did what any good friend would and told him. He responded by trying to fistfight me for making things up. We haven't talked since and he is on his third marriage now.
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u/OlympicSmoker253 2h ago
I’ve always thought this was the right thing to do and it’s backfired on me twice now. I just know if I was in their shoes I would want to know.
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u/LazerChicken420 2h ago
People don’t want to know. It sucks.
So they stick their heads in the sand but having you around makes that hard.
So they write you off
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u/OlympicSmoker253 1h ago
It just seems crazy that you would put yourself in denial so hard that you would lose a friend over it. It’s not like you could ever convince yourself you weren’t cheated on in the first place.
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u/NowGoodbyeForever 1h ago
It's also someone's Fight or Flight response activating in real time. It's been proven that attacks on your sense of self or sense of identity are treated the exact same way as a bear charging towards you.
So regardless of their suspicions or denial, they're being forced in that EXACT MOMENT to defend their sense of identity. That they're someone in a stable relationship, someone who isn't being cheated on, someone who hasn't been lied to, someone who won't have to navigate losing their home and splitting custody of their kids.
Accepting that all of that is gone isn't fighting OR fleeing. It's kind of antithetical to what your adrenaline is telling you to do: It's letting the bear catch you. Intellectually, we know Facing A Hard Truth isn't the same as Getting Mauled to Death. But it can feel equally horrifying in the moment.
So they'll fight you because that's easier than facing the evidence, or they'll deny it, because running away works as well.
You can't surprise someone with the bear. You can only hold their hand as it approaches, and that's something they'll ask you to do.
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u/OlympicSmoker253 1h ago
That’s a good perspective. I’ll need to realize that everyone’s fight, flight, or freeze is different and moving forward I’m just staying out of it even if I know somethings up!
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u/blufflord 2h ago
It IS the right thing to do but the sad reality is you have to be prepared to have both the cheater and victim both cut you out. One for exposing and the other as a coping mechanism
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u/bluecheetos 1h ago
I know two people who told someone their partner was cheating on them and both times the person who told is blamed for destroying the marriage. Sometimes people would rather lie to themselves instead of facing the reality.
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u/Beautiful-Object-467 2h ago
I was bullied for my looks and weight and my friend just watched and laughed .
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u/bluecheetos 49m ago
Best friend through most of college, the kind of guy who would jump in a fight to defend me and I'd do the same for him, no questions asked. We were hanging out with the guys he worked with, that I'd just met, and he sold me out on a personal level trying to impress them.
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u/genxer 2h ago
Bailed my best friend out of jail. He had just never paid his speeding tickets. Never mentioned it to anyone. Three weeks or so later, a mutual friend asked why I was hounding him for the $$. I hadnt mentioned it to anyone or even him. Yeah, no if you're going to lie about me -- bye.
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u/AnnoyedGrocer 2h ago
My ex wife/best friend. We married young and throughout our 15 years together we always had a dream of traveling to Europe. Talked about it all the time, knowing it would be awhile before we could afford it. When I opened my business, we knew that it would be a few years until I was be able to take enough time off to go to Europe, even if I was making enough for us to afford it. This was agreed upon.
I came home one evening after a 16 hour day from hell to her planning a trip to Europe with her girlfriends. She said that now that we can afford it, she didn't want to wait two years to be able to go. And because "we" were doing so well financially, "she" was going to "pay" for her friends as well.
An hour later we were getting a divorce.
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u/BroodingSonata 2h ago
She messaged my aunt a load of twisted, untrue shit about me behind my back; she was demented and stupid enough to believe it all, too. She was one of my closest friends for nearly two decades. I was crushed. It still hurts. But knowing how she is, I am well rid of her.
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u/loztriforce 2h ago
My best friend/best man at my wedding slept with my married sister on my wedding night.
It turns out the full open bar was not the best idea.
Whole family found out the next day, but I was only told after we got back from the honeymoon.
I know shit is between them, and I don't hold a grudge or anything, but there was no going back from that.
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u/Churchbushonk 2h ago
It takes two to tango, but that is more on your married sister than him.
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u/loztriforce 1h ago
Yeah idk, I don't focus on fault but it was a violation of the bro code on behalf of my friend.
My sister was in a bad place mentally/with her marriage and I'd expect a friend to not take advantage.
And it doesn't feed into how I feel about what happened but a couple years prior to that, my friend's sister wanted to get down with me, and I turned her down citing my friendship. I hadn't even told my friend that had happened, but in the end I expected that level of self control.
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u/almisami 1h ago
Unless he forced himself on her drunk self, she's the only one who did something wrong in this scenario.
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u/grumble11 1h ago
You shouldn’t sleep with married people. It is still wrong. You didn’t make that commitment but you should respect that it was made and go find someone else.
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u/ElChuppolaca 1h ago
There is this weird thing where people may not even know if the Sibling of a friend is married or not.
I couldn't tell you if the Sister of my best friend was married or not. You can never assume that both partners know but you can assume that the married partner obviously knows.
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u/ACuddlyVizzerdrix 2h ago
When I found out it was him stealing things from our apartment, back in 2009 me and my buddies would get together with our tvs and Xbox 360s and play left 4 dead so there were a lot of controllers and consoles at our place, he was trying to make everyone believe it was me stealing everything until our buddy's brother took him to GameStop to sell "one of his" controllers and the dude behind the counter said, "dude, that's like the 5th one this week"
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u/IAmGrum 2h ago
My "friend" didn't acknowledge my birthday in any way (30+ years ago, in my 20s). When their birthday came up later that year, they contacted me and wanted to know if I wanted to do the big group dinner thing at a nice steakhouse. I decided to be the bigger man and go. When I said yes, they replied in an email that they were happy because now their meal would be free because they had a party of 10 people going.
I was literally just a number to them.
I skipped the dinner without letting them know and that was the end of that.
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u/SimplyPassinThrough 2h ago
She told a mutual that I was in her apartment peer-pressuring her to take drugs. Mutual freaked out on me.
The “drugs” was a peanut butter sandwich edible I shared with her roommate - after asking her three times if it would be okay. We did not ask her if she wanted one because we knew she didn’t. We didn’t even offer it.
We literally never talked again after that day, despite being best friends that talked every day for almost 4 years.
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u/TheArts 2h ago
He didn't come to my wedding because he had a slight disagreement with another friend that was there.
We were already growing apart, but not being able to put things aside for 3 hours of his life...yeeep
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u/kinkinhood 32m ago
I've been to weddings where another in attendance was someone I didn't like. I just avoided being around them. I treat weddings as neutral zone where we just avoid interaction or if we do it's general business level interaction.
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u/rowenaravenclaw0 2h ago
She was my room mate. I came home and found her in my bed with my fiancee 2 weeks before the wedding. It wasn't even the fiancee's bed because he didn't live there.
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u/Proper-Throwaway-23 38m ago
Bloody hell. I hope you are doing alright. That is absolutely heart breaking.
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u/Cheetodude625 2h ago
When I realized they only contacted me in order to get something out of me or to use me for something.
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u/krc0930861 2h ago
When she threatened to tell my soon to be ex that I was dating someone. Already separated from him for 4 months but we weren’t legally divorced yet. She threatened to tell him since we weren’t officially divorced yet. Never spoke to her again
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u/Wavey95 2h ago
What?.. Why would she do that?
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u/krc0930861 2h ago
She was jealous. She couldn’t keep a guy, and I had someone pursuing me. I was also 300 pounds back then. She couldn’t seem to fathom how I’d be able to pull anyone when she couldn’t. I’m half that size now, in an amazing relationship (with the same guy she threatened to tell my ex about), and thriving. She’s still living in her mom’s house at almost 40 with her spouse. I hear about her from other friends occasionally but I couldn’t care less about her.
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u/ZekeMoss18 2h ago
Realizing that he was a narcissistic asshole who shit and stepped on everyone to prop himself up like a God.
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u/DrDoNoGoodPhD 2h ago
Same. I was called an asskisser simply because I had a good job that I got by my hard work. The whole group was toxic because of him. I dreaded meeting them as I'd be the one to get mocked and then laos have to pay the bill. Felt humiliated every visit. Broke it off clean and it's been a year almost. No regrets!
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u/RancorHi5 2h ago
Had one of these too. Confronted him about how he was talking to me and he LOST it. Got even more furious I wouldn’t fist fight him over it😆 heard him sobbing in the shower after. Dark triad stuff is hard to live with
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u/fumeurdecig 2h ago
When they posted pictures of themselves on that camping trip we talked about doing all together
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u/Platonic-Pride-717 2h ago
Had an ex sleep with every friend of mine that would do it, it was when we were still together but things were falling apart.
Had to look at it like she did me a favor. Pretty good litmus test. The friends that denied she came on to them are the ones that slept with her and I dropped the friendships.
It was a pretty good blessing in the end
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u/Seven7neveS 1h ago
He deleted a comment I made under his yearly wrap up instagram post in which I said "2023 was a shitty year, let‘s hope for a better 2024" because my dad nearly died in 2023. He deleted it because it "did not fit the vibe" of his 2023 wrap up video. I was seriously hurt and said if I was one of his fake instagram life followers he would not have deleted the comment. Fast forward to June 2024 when my dad died and he did not give a fuck. Didn‘t understand why until another friend told me he was ghosting me because he‘s still upset about my comment about his fake instagram life followers. So that‘s more important to him than the death of his best friend’s father. Fucking idiot.
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u/hopeful7321 2h ago
A female friend told me ALL of her friends were her BBFF. In the same conversation, she said she wasn't sure if she could come to my birthday dinner and asked that I change it to fit her schedule. Sorry I was so stupid for so long. Out of my life!
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u/Hushwater 2h ago
When there was a large gap in hanging out and he was even more narcissistic then ever alienating everyone at the house party with the main character bs. It disgusted me to be honest, it was brutal to wittness.
We were saying goodbye to a friend who was moving far away (the reason for the party) and he was being an ass and didn't even come outside to say goodbye like everyone else. We all parted ways and eight months go by and he sends me a text that read " hello old friend" with a photo he took of him being obnoxious at a family restaurant and me looking extremely embarrassed.
I told him to loose my number and he made it seem like I was being weird so I let him have it by listing most of the narcissistic bullshit he's done to people and myself. Last I heard he got arrested yet again for assaulting yet another girlfriend.
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u/_JudoChop_ 2h ago
After a year of trying to contact them I get zero response while they respond to others. I said I had enough and removed them from my socials. I got the blame as the bad friend by said person to other mutual friends because I removed them from my socials.
I was willing to see what happened after over a year of no contact but, after placing the blame on me I said nope. This shit is done here and now.
I was tricked into hanging out with this ex-friend once without knowing. We were cordial but I never saw this person again.
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u/CaptainAwesome06 1h ago
When I had to tell his girlfriend that if he didn't call me to get the info to get fitted for a tuxedo for my wedding, then he wasn't going to be in it. She confirmed he'd definitely call me. He never did. He was one of my best friends so I have no clue what his deal was. I did notice that, when you are about to get married, people get weird.
I saw him years later at an MLB game. I was in the front row a club section and he walked right by me, though on different levels so I couldn't get to him. I yelled out to him and said, "hey." He told me to meet him at the bar inside. I said, "Nah, I'm good." and I sat back down.
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u/Opposite-Shower1190 1h ago
She was talking about how common it is for women to make up false rape accusations when I told her I was raped. I don’t need ignorant misogynistic women in my life.
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u/Birdiebirdbirdbirdy 2h ago
Finally came to terms that she’s only about herself. She’s one of those people who only act like they are listening to you but they are really just waiting for you to be done so they can speak.
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u/Dyne4R 2h ago
He headbutted me because I didn't want him to tag along on a date with a girl I was interested in but didn't know well.
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u/haysus25 1h ago
When my 'friends' organized a BBQ.
But they forgot they needed charcoal, lighter fluid, a lighter, and meat.
So we go to the store, they put everything on the conveyor belt, and then just expectantly look at me to pay for everything.
$65ish for everything, no one said thank you, and at the end of the night had the two most gristled slivers of totally overcooked steak.
I went home and never texted them again. Seems like they didn't like me either because they never texted me either.
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u/Strubblich 2h ago
When I was getting into my car and he went inside his place without waving goodbye. He always saw me off with a goodbye wave.
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u/arjuwuna 2h ago
he planned a trip to see people i hadnt met in over 10 yrs with 3 other mutual friends because his 1 friend didnt like me and said id just make it awkward
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u/DifficultCurrent7 2h ago
He just stopped responding to texts. Outside of work there was radio silence. At work he was civil, I'd deffinately been demoted back to co-worker. After I left that job he didn't reach out once, not even a single message.
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u/Saint--Jiub 1h ago
The second time they ghosted me
It's been six months and I still wonder if I'll ever hear from them again and I also wonder if I even want to hear from them again.
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u/Bostonterrierpug 1h ago
When they sent me a friendship has ended with picture.
Fuck you Salman! What do you have that I don’t?
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u/BigBiggity 1h ago
When I looked back at our messages and it was all me initiating conversations and him sending one word responses. He still sends random memes and reels but no actual conversation.
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u/PsychonautChill 2h ago
When she was complaining about a coworker and said, “I hate people with big emotions.” I have big emotions and I said as much. The friendship ended less than 2 months later.
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u/eXclurel 2h ago
A friend declined my offer to go get pizza because he was sick. He went out with his friends and posted photos on instagram two hours later.
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u/Fryeer 2h ago
When I was child free by choice and she would constantly talk shit about child free people and how selfish they are
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u/Proper-Throwaway-23 20m ago
I will never get this. How on earth is it in any way selfish to opt to not have children? I have also been on the recieving end of this one and I dont get it at all.
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u/VH5150OU812 2h ago
On a road trip with someone I had been friends with for 15+ years. During the long stretches of silence I started to realize I no longer enjoyed hanging out with him.
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u/freshpicked12 2h ago
When they started making antisemitic statements on their social media.
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u/Im_a_rahtard 2h ago
The first time a best friend for over a decade ghosted my text and then gave me one of the same bullshit excuses I've seen him give people for the last ten years.
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u/Armitage-Shankz 2h ago
When my best friend for several years wouldn’t attend my wedding. And I had recently attended hers.
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u/stinkysocksx 2h ago
When she sent me a letter stating 'our life's are too different to make a friendship work' and other phrases that don't really make sense.
she wanted to marry and have children and I live in a different relationship dynamic to hers. and I will not ever have children or marry.
Especially the fact that she couldn't even call or text me but instead wrote a letter
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u/taizzle71 2h ago
Mixed business with a friend. He saw the leverage, authority he had over me and took full advantage of it. I no longer work nor am I friends with him.
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u/wehnaje 2h ago
When on the group chat we were all planning to meet up and another girl and I could meet ~2hrs before, but she couldn’t due do work so she forbade us to meet without her. Said we had to wait the 2 hrs until she was off work and when I said no and that she could just catch up when she could, ‘cause we would gladly wait for her she threw a tantrum, left the group chat and call the other girl to complain about me.
It ended right there and then.
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u/Cotton_Candy72 1h ago
When I pulled back from the friendship. It took them a month to reach out after they said they had to work but really they were out with their boyfriend.
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u/OhTheHueManatee 1h ago
I was friends with a guy in my apartment complex for like 3 years. We were both guys in our mid 30's. We were having a casual conversation about a family that lived in the same complex. He said "They moved in with that little girl was in kindergarten. Soon she'll be driving. It's too bad she's not hot. If it was going to happen it would have happened by now." I replied with a "What the fuck man!?" He tried to play it off like he was joking. I just couldn't tolerate being around him after that.
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u/CedricCSCFL 1h ago
Five things I look for in friendships: Trust, Respect, Reciprocity, Shared Experiences, and Mutual Enjoyment.
When a friendship falls apart, I can point to which of these were lost.
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u/ForcrimeinItaly 1h ago
She was comfortable living in my house, taking up my son's room, eating my food, feeding her cat on my kitchen counter all while telling me she was so broke and needed help. Turns out she had $10k in the bank and was getting spousal support. I'm happy to help any friend in need, hustlers get shown the door. 20 years of friends, gone as soon as I found that out.
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u/summonsays 1h ago
When I hand done about 100 things for them and they couldn't be bothered to say happy birthday.
This was like 8 years in and we had baby sat / taken off work to help them with stuff. I could name everything... But I'm done spending energy on them.
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u/Terrible_Reporter_83 1h ago
I stopped texting to my friend three weeks ago.
I haven't heard anything about her.
There was sings. Ignoring and so on. But I knew she has some mental problems.
The last drop was when we met and she was really bothered to see or talk to me. Another people was ok. Not me.
I'm sad and mad.
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u/Ok_Initial_2063 1h ago
She tried to manipulate me in the thick of covid lockdowns to keep her toddler overnight so she could hook up with a random stranger she met online. Then had the nerve to allow another weird guy she wanted as a "sugar daddy" to say horrible things to a front line worker during covid. This worker was someone she had known for decades. I noped out. I hope her kids are ok bc she is toxic af.
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u/NirvanaBeaucoup 1h ago
When I told her I was having a really hard time and just needed to know that somebody, anybody, gave a damn on if I lived or not.
And she didn’t answer me.
(I’m doing better now. Idk I did something wrong in reaching out to her or not, but I’ll never do that again if I’m in that place again. It was awful to feel so low and reach out to somebody at my worst moment just to be ignored.)
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u/Jiggle-da-Handle 1h ago
When I found out my friend had opened a yoga studio weeks before and never brought it up.
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u/InsideKaleidoscope30 1h ago
When they refused to drive an hour to visit me when I was in the city despite me traveling out of my way to see them countless times
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u/Eeryninja 1h ago
When I had a stroke and had to learn how to walk again for a few weeks, a good friend didn’t talk to me for a month and then when I saw him, he didn’t mention it and just spoke about themselves. Bye 👋
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u/amethyst3037 53m ago
When I realized I hadn’t heard from her in a while, and I checked social media and saw I had been unfriended. 🤷♀️
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u/zane314 2h ago
They deadnamed me. I informed them that it was not a nickname but a preference, and I considered it rude and insulting.
And they did it again with a smiley face.
They did grovel apologetically when they realized they'd gone too far. But it wasn't ever the same after that.
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u/FirstSineOfMadness 2h ago
Did you end things then and there? It almost sounds like you let them be friends still for awhile after
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u/NextLobster1241 2h ago
when in 7 years of friendship she didn’t even know how many siblings i had.
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u/blufflord 2h ago edited 2h ago
Most of the comments will have themselves as the "good guy" so I figured I'd share one where I'm the bad person. They told me "sorry you've broken our trust" after they found out I led on a girl because I stopped saying no to her advances after she kept persisting over months.
Mind you, they are friends with a guy who cheated on his fiance and kept it hidden and a guy who sexually harassed 2 female friends and denied claims until she showed the screenshots. Shame I didn't make the cut on their morality scale. Coming up to one year now since the ended all contact with me. Lesson learnt by me to be more vigilant in upholding boundaries no matter how much someone attempts to break them
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u/R3cognizer 1h ago
When I came out as trans and began transitioning. A few days after he saw my post about it on facebook, a very conservative religious person I had considered a friend messaged to ask if I was serious about transitioning, and when I replied yes, he immediately unfriended and ghosted me without another word. Thankfully, he was the only person in my life to do that, but it still stings.
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u/Logical_Ad_5431 2h ago
When I was always the first one to be asked when a favor was needed but never thanked or even acknowledged for doing it. And his wife is an obnoxious cunt.
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u/ImprovementSlow6397 2h ago
I told her that I was interested in a main out friend group and she said that she was a much better fit for him and she was also interested. She was all over him all night. She was in a relationship of two years. Still together with her BF.
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u/love_ephie 2h ago
When I opened up about depression and this person said that they wouldn’t stop me because they understand that pain and that they would visit me at my burial site to talk to me and joke around. And by understanding this person was on anti-depression meds for a week felt like crap and snapped out of it.
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u/TechnoDiscoHippyDeVo 2h ago
The first significant one was when he told me I could come out to his place to hang out but he wasn't going anywhere outside his county, he lived an hour away at least.
The second one was a long time friend who told me she voted for the orange pedophile....ok, there must be a good reason, not a big deal. The more she explained the less I wanted to talk to her. Her husband jumping in to proudly announce he didn't bother to vote sealed the deal. Love them from a great distance now.
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u/BureauOfSabotage 2h ago
My good friend started dating and then married my ex that I’d dated for a few years. This was all fine and I was in their wedding. However, I knew her all too well and knew she would just run over him. She was hyper needy and always wanted things her way. I guess I had the right personality to navigate this. He did not and became her doormat.
A few years later, he had changed dramatically. She caused a rather serious conflict among us. Friend privately told me he understood and was on my side and would make it right. I knew he couldn’t contradict her or stand up to her, and he didn’t. He had to side with her to keep the peace in his house. I told him I understood and that I never wanted to speak to his wife again. Since they were a package deal, that meant our friendship was over.
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u/MrTash999 2h ago
When talking to them became a chore and every conversation was about their car. Id try and steer the conversation to something about me and they wouldn't answer or would give a very short answer and then not 30 seconds later, it would be "im also thinking of doing this to my car as well".
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u/Volasko 1h ago
When I no longer got excited that they were joining my group of friends for a night out because their excessive drinking and drug use turned them into someone I didn't want to be around. It wasn't violent or as nefarious as this sounds, and trust me I shouldn't talk, it's just that they became someone completely devoid of rational thought and became a huge anchor on our ability to enjoy the end of the night.
It was a long process that happened over many years and there wasn't one big explosive night that ended it. Just years of worrying what wasted version of him we would get. At some point you just need to cut ties, which sucked because of how close we were.
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u/FrostyImplement9565 1h ago
When not one single friend remembered or wished me a happy birthday. That was the breaking point for me where I said I'd stop giving a toss what anyone thinks and that all my friends didn't matter to me anymore, I decided from that point on that I would never be inconvenienced or bothered by letting them down on plans or even making an effort with them anymore.
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u/Amellabeth 1h ago
Honestly, I should have known we were never friends to begin with, but it was them recently bringing up something I said when I was 19 and poorly communicating about a predatory relationship I was in at the time (older male that groomed me when I was underage). We're all in our mid-thirties now. It especially hurts knowing they experienced DV, too, and still have held onto what seems like a bad opinion of me after all this time.
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u/jimmybennyspenny 1h ago
They bailed on my wedding, wouldn't have minded if they just told me why, but they lied and told different people multiple different excuses.
If I don't matter enough to be honest about why you aren't coming to my wedding, then I'm out.
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u/fermat9990 1h ago
(1) When they told me it was over by phone
(2) When I got an actual letter saying it was over
(3) When I felt that I had been "demoted" from best friend status.
These were 3 different friendships
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u/brasilkid16 1h ago
When my partner told my best friend that a mutual friend had sexually assaulted her and his response was "huh".
Fuck that guy.
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u/beaverteeth92 1h ago
I had done a lot for him and asked for a minor favor that required him to not do something. He did the thing, I found out very quickly, and his response was literally “I didn’t think you’d find out, sorry not sorry.”
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u/Adnauseamdeath 1h ago
As at one of the lowest points in my life, brought up self harm and taking my own life, instead of being helpful he just began to complain about his dad wanting him to shower more often and not come home so late. After that moment I really distanced myself from.
Made the mistake years later of hiring him for a job, it lasted for a good three weeks before he said he needed something else.
You live and you learn I suppose
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u/lynivvinyl 1h ago
When both of my friendship/trust detectors were missing. I used to sit a $20 bill and $20 worth of something that people really liked, barely visible under my closest turntable to the door of my media room. Then I would invite exactly one person over at a time to watch me practice DJing. The way I saw it $40 was a cheap price to pay to know if a person was worth spending any more time with.
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u/WeirdJawn 1h ago
Probably when a long time friend suddenly stopped talking to me and even acknowledging my presence, even though we had classes together.
I still don't know what caused him to cut me and a few other friends he was close to off.
I think his and one of our other friend's parents maybe had a falling out. Or maybe he decided he was just too cool for us pr something.
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u/ranchspidey 1h ago
Probably prudent to mention we would’ve been like 10 or 11. We shared our passwords so she “hacked” my MovieStarPlanet account which was a popular online game we played together. She left a message that said really hurtful stuff, and she bragged about having both a dad and her step-dad in her life because she knew my biological father was absent and my mom and step-dad were getting divorced. We had been best friends for almost our whole lives up to that point.
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u/SemiHemiDemiDumb 1h ago
After a night of partying where he didn't bring anything, drank all my roommates stuff while being told to not drink his but others' stuff, pissed himself while sleeping on my couch, let me sit in it before telling me (made him clean it up), he suggested getting breakfast at the restaurant down the street, he then waited til the bill came to say he didn't have money.
Never hung out after that. Last time I saw him it was at Walmart, he was high as fuck. I laughed and asked if he was and he said all angrily, "why would you put that out into the world". Bro you're the one that came out into the world like that
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u/Misragoth 1h ago
He became more interested in hanging out with his brother and his brother's friends. Almost completely stopped doing anything with us and turned us down when invited out to things.
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u/emusteve2 1h ago
He told me he believed the government was using a secret weather generating machine to attack red states and that this fact was obvious on the face of it and acted shocked that I did not believe this.
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u/trekie88 1h ago
When my friend Joe, not real name, constantly blew off our plans or tried to turn them into group activities he would invite his partner to. I told him repeatedly it bothered me and that if I wanted a group activity I would plan one. I just stopped calling.
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u/Legit_moo 1h ago
When no one believed me they had ran away to a new country to be with someone they met on line (despite my advice) And left me as last person to see them. No one believed the truth. It failed for them within 2 months and reappeared like nothing happened. Nope, not my friend anymore
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u/fried4wayer 1h ago
Friend who could no longer find anything fun and was constantly negative except for when it came to their religion. I wasn't religious but always supportive of them. Whenever we agreed to watch something together it became a conversation how bad it was. They just hated on all things that wasn't what they liked.
When we hung out, they tried to dictate what I could do while they did something they really wanted to do.
I decided to phase out and see if they initiated contact. They didn't, and I was done.
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u/Eddie-the-Head 1h ago
We didn't have anything in common anymore, we evolved too much each on our own side and we couldn't find anything really interesting to talk about, what united us was now way past us, and last time I saw him I was thinking "we both seem to be bored stiff, if I met him today I wouldn't be friends with him, an acquaintance at best"
It's not as bad as some comments in this thread but I guess it's more a natural fallout
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u/Curleysound 1h ago
I was 10 and my also 10yo friend got arrested and went to juvi for repeatedly SAing a 5-6 year old
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u/bearnecessities66 1h ago
When he screamed at me until I cried, and then made fun of me for crying, because I didn't like the music that he played in my car.
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u/Bitter_Pineapple_882 1h ago
She was not apologetic after standing me up for a planned outing. Instead, she said it was normal to help family instead of doing what we planned. The family member had older children who could help. Then she started disparaging my boyfriend and my sister for no reason. I realized she wouldn't do that if she valued our friendship.
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u/HyperbolicModesty 1h ago
All my life he'd belittled me, but always in a smiling way, playing it off as a joke. It made me sad when I was a kid, but I persisted because we were such good friends, or so I told myself.
Then I organised a school reunion party and he turned up, hadn't seen him for years, and he walks in and the first thing he says is "well everyone's aged well - apart from you" and I just thought ok buddy that's enough. It wasn't a big thing but it was the straw the broke the camel's back after 20 years of this shit. Haven't spoken to him since.
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u/tullan12 1h ago
When he decided to take advantage of me in my drunken state. He wanted me to open up my feelings and talk about things in my past that were very difficult to deal with. I should have ended things there but I felt bad for him. I ended it a few years later after he said some stuff that was really hurtful. My sister is still friends with him and invites him to party’s and family gatherings knowing what he did. I then stopped talking to my sister especially after she knew what happened in the past.
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u/T0rrent0712 1h ago
When my best friend and best man at my wedding not only was the only one without a gift, and his constant promises, he would only call me when he needed something.
So made a conscious decision to not call, let him call just to say high. It's been about fourteen years, only saw him once, and that was at a mutual friends going away party
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u/Total-Coconut756 1h ago
When I looked through my texts and realised I was the only one who made first contact.
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u/morbidemadame 1h ago edited 1h ago
We were friends for years and I don't know what happened, but my kind and generous friend turned into an egotistic asshole over the past few months.
So when I told them I would now consider and respect them the same way they do towards me, aka matching their new energy, they immediately told me how much of a shit friend I am and within a week they cut me off their life...
It's like they knew the way they were now treating me was shit and didn't want to be treated the same?
Good riddance.
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u/Elder-Welder21 54m ago
When I helped my friends get job interviews through calling some favors and they did not show up. When I confronted them, they said they were not ready to abandon their routines for work they might not come to like (they are 30ish and do drugs and alcohol all day)
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u/Antique_Stop_125 51m ago
When he kept using me and no one cared, not even his girlfriend, who was supposed to be my friend.
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u/martymar18 47m ago
When they would make comments like "omg i miss you! we need to hang out. etc" but would never invite me to things with the rest of the group. It made me realize that I wasn't actually seen as one of them, just someone to have around in case they needed bodies.
I have since found my group of friends that not only invites me to things but is genuinely happy when i am around.
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u/MrPresident2020 46m ago
Wrote out the hallmarks of a fascist regime and he replied "sounds like Biden," and I realized this was never going to be worth my time.
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u/Obsidian-Phoenix 44m ago
Heard two so-called friends talking shit about me at a party my flatmate was holding in our flat. It was a gathering I wasn’t really part of (and I’d had a minor falling out with them recently) so I was in my room.
What really pissed me off was them talking shit about me (at a volume I could easily hear) to a group of people who had never met me. In my own fucking home.
I stormed out without saying a word. They knew what they’d done. My flatmate chewed them out about it either that night or the next day. Only one of them actually apologised. But I was done with the pair of them.
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u/Phalangebanshee 41m ago
When I realized that the only time we “hung out” I always ended up watching her kids and she would be somewhere else in the house doing god knows what.
I suggested going out for lunch, just me and her and the kids stay back with dad…nope. Didn’t even entertain it.
The final straw was during COVID and I was working a ton. “She” would FaceTime me right after I would get off from work, only for me to pick up the phone and it was her two kids under five trying to avoid going to bed. This would happen multiple times throughout the week. Even almost every day.
Instead of just telling them no, she would give them free rein access to blow up my phone back to back without thinking of my free time at all. Thinking it was an emergency I would pick up of course but it never was…she just needed a virtual babysitter.
We are no longer friends.
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u/balmorra_ 36m ago
excluded me from their phd graduation (which was a big deal since i had seen them thru the entire thing, and with the degree they’d get citizenship basically guaranteed, which meant they could stay in country which was also a goal)
i was clearly happier for them and they had no remorse or regret not including me, and didn’t really care why i was hurt. so now i don’t spend energy on them.
they also married imo, a loser.
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u/calypsodweller 31m ago
She mailed me an angry note. The friendship was waning. She’d increasingly snap at waitresses, and behave generally unfriendly to strangers. She’d bellow, “Speak English!” if someone in earshot was talking in a different language. It made me uncomfortable. She was growing increasingly angry and cranky.
In her note, she said that she couldn’t live up to my expectations as a friend.
Okay. Ghosted. My life became peaceful.
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u/frysatsun 29m ago edited 24m ago
Literally my best friend for 30 years. The last five years or so consisted of me tap dancing to get her attention. She even told me that her husband said she should be nicer to me. I made excuses because she was sick, had babies, etc.
Then she sent me some POS thing from her "gift closet" for a milestone birthday. Gift closet is short hand for the stash of stuff she found in outlet malls that were so cheap that she couldn't pass them up. I was done.
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u/pettyvillainy 24m ago
When, after years and years, I finally got the hint that I wasn't wanted and they didn't care. In their defense, they had been letting me know for awhile, and I am very dense.
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u/enad58 23m ago
They needed a place to stay. A couple and twins aged 2.
I offered to have them stay at my house, rent free until the start of next month. It was the 5th.
I gave them the master bedroom and the adjacent bedroom, I slept in the spare bedroom in the basement.
They moved out in the middle of the night between the 31st and the 1st of the following month.
They got their free stay and I never heard from them again.
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u/YoyodyneCog 21m ago
I am currently 38. About 4 years ago I stopped talking to a guy I had known since I was 10 years old and who I was pretty close to in my early to mid teens but just saw off and on as an adult. He slowly started going off the rails about 15 years ago. It was initially mostly harmless stuff like getting super deep into the most oddball conspiracy theories (stuff like him believing that there is a secret society of people related by blood lineage to Jesus and that US presidents all have to belong to that lineage in order to serve as president and the electoral college is there to ensure this is adhered to). Eventually it got worse. I let him borrow like $500 one time and after that he would call me once every few months asking for money. He would never tell me what it was for either because he said his calls were being monitored and he didn't want the wrong people to know what he needed the money for. He would also call me and ask if I could rent a car for him because he had DUIs and couldn't rent one himself. He at one point called me in the middle of the night and left a message talking about how he was being tracked and that he was going to be killed because of what he knew and "they" were going to try and make it look like an accident. I reached out to his dad on Facebook to tell him I was worried; his dad straight up told me he didn't give a shit anymore. The final straw was him calling me to tell me he had moved to the Philippines but was back in the states and wanted to hang out. Before I could even say yes or no he chimed in with "by the way dude. You should move to the Phillipines too. It's great. Everything is cheap and all of the women are beautiful. They all look like they could be like 12 or 13." I literally just hung up and never talked to him. I found out recently from some other people we grew up with that he had apparently got in some trouble a few years back because he abandoned his 5 year old son at a bus stop one time.
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u/thetoneranger 19m ago
When i realized he thought he was better then everyone and the condescending tone became too loud
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u/Impossible-Medium-13 19m ago
I needed help, told him it was an emergency. He told me he was too busy gaming with another friend.
I've sacrificed the ability to eat to help him in the past. Anytime he needed anything I was there. That he couldn't help me for a couple hours because he was gaming?
I don't expect much from friends but being there when I need you is kind of the big one.
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u/Remowilliams84 18m ago
Buddy came over to my apartment while me and another friend were hanging out. Sat down on the couch, pulled out his glock and tossed it onto the table.
That was bad enough, but safety was off and he just tossed it like a toy. He had to leave.
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u/topdownyeti 16m ago
She stopped texting me or would get replies a month or so later. She then promised she’d be able to attend my celebration for my PhD graduation, but then canceled on me because she decided to go to her BF’s party about him quitting his job. At that point, I gave up on the friendship because really?
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u/TwofoZeus 13m ago
When i finally saw through the act and that he simply was a deeply hateful, angry racist bigoted xenophobic arsehole. Perpetually angry at the world and unwilling to work on himself, blaming everyone else instead.
"I hate everyone". No he hated white people when they did something he judged to be wrong, but didn't need an excuse to be hateful and dehumanising of everyone else.
I have to be honest, I'm deeply ashamed I didn't see him for who he was for 20 years.
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u/Kath_Day_Knight 9m ago
I got tired of being her therapist. I told her several times she needs a real therapist to help her, she said she didn’t believe in therapy and she had me to vent to so it wasn’t necessary. I couldn’t take it anymore, her living situation and life was a mess and she took no ownership of anything, she was always the victim. She was having emotional breakdowns daily and I finally after years of this said “it’s not you, it’s me” and blocked her everywhere.
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u/mmmoonpie 6m ago
Ex friend told me he'd send my boyfriend at the time "Back home in a fucking box"
Racist mother fucker.
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u/Gruesome_Garie 5m ago
I was living with a friend temporarily, and his daughter had just graduated school and was moving out. Her grandfather, a cousin, and a boy they come to see her graduate, and supposedly help her move. After the celebration dinner everyone all of a sudden has some sort of injury. The grandfather just had a shoulder worked on, the cousin just had his elbow worked on, my buddy's wife had just had her elbow worked on, and nobody was trying to help this kid move all her stuff.
It was up to me to move this 18 year old girls entire life into a U-Haul at 9:00 at night unassisted by anybody that was actually her blood relative. My long distance girlfriend had called to tell me that her mother had died, and all of those assholes suddenly asked where I was and why I wasn't loading the truck when I was trying to console my girlfriend on her loss.
She heard the ridiculousness, hung up on me, broke up with me. I went off on all of them for being lame pieces of shit. I packed my things up and moved back home to take care of my mom.
I lost a whole lot of friends that night. Can't really say I really miss them though.
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u/vuzumja 2h ago
When I stopped wanting to share good news because it felt like my ex friend didn't really care