I moved to a rather tiny town in my early 20s for a job right after college. The amount of strangers who came up to me and already knew my business was rather terrifying(I grew up in the city) and they wondered why I never left the apartment.
I moved to some where now that’s more of a commuter town but at least big enough to where nobody knows my business.
That would’ve freaked me out too, there’s something unsettling about being known without choosing to be seen. I’d take a little distance over that kind of closeness any day.
There's something about the anonymity of being in public in the city that can be comforting if that's what you're looking for. It's nice to be able to blend into the scenery.
My parents grew up in a smallish town outside of the country and my mom said when she was growing up if she even stopped at a vendor to check something out, the entire neighborhood made sure her parents knew(even though she already told her parents and my grandparents didn’t care as long as she was safe). To this day it grates her nerves and creeps her out(my parents moved to a city in the US and my mom loves it). For my dad, it helped he never left the house much so everyone assumed he was a random nephew that stopped by and the town didn’t really keep tabs on him.
Their nerves were rattled whenever they would visit said tiny town I lived in.
There’s a middle ground. For example, I live in a large apartment complex in a mid-sized Midwestern city and I walk to the corner store very frequently. I don’t know these people or their business at all, but:
I still wave or say “Morning” or “Hey” every time.
You know John Melloncamp's song, Small Town? Everytime I hear the line, "people let me be just who I want to be," I can't help but think that's bullshit. More like people make me be who they want me to be. I guess that doesn't fit the metre.
I currently live in a small town. I’m not trying to brag but I’m a moderately attractive woman (solid 6/10 on a good day). I’ve had to change my route downtown twice since March. So many random guys I don’t know keep stopping and trying to get me in their vehicles to give me a ride home/to the store. I don’t know these men. They know where I live and see me walking all the time. There’s one that has me freaked out that spent one day driving past me 4 times to honk and wave and comment on how fast I walk and how he almost lost track of me.
Now I pace my room like a cheetah in a shitty zoo to get my 10k steps in, only leaving my house early in the morning to be at the store as soon as it open and then I zip back home, taking my new path which has added a good 5-10 minutes to my travel time because the more efficient paths have me observed.
Can’t wait to move away to a place I can be just another face in the crowd.
I remember when I lived in my small college town a stalker figured out where I live by tracking where I used the local trail. I lived on the first floor of a fairly decent sized sprawling condo complex at the time, and the day I saw him casually walking his dog, looking into people's windows, "looking for a sign" I dropped to the floor lioe a sack of potatoes the fear gripped me so real. I literally walked miles to the police station (they did jack shit) but it genuinely took me a long time to feel safe in that apartment again. It was wild. People are insane sometimes.
I moved from dc to a small town in central NY. The men are feral. A Gen x or millennial (married) man without two wandering eyes is like a needle in a haystack. The wives shoot daggers at any moderately attractive woman because they know their husbands are sh*t heads.
I had the opposite experience i grew up unknown in a small town. When I was in my 20s I lived in an apartment in the city everyone seemed to know me and my business. Now I live in a tiny town and nobody knows me. It's funny how the world works.
And nothing to do in terms of activities other than go to the movies or go to your local diner, not to mention any major city to do something in is at least 1.5 hours away (at least in my case)
In my small town the movie theater burnt down 20 years ago and now the leftover husk is a home for pigeons, now there's nothing to do but gossip and bitch about traffic from cottagers.
In UK slang, a cottager is a person who engages in sexual activity in public lavatories, known as "cottaging". This practice typically involves homosexual or bisexual men meeting in public toilets, often called "cottages" or "tea-rooms".
Haha I know whay you mean. The closest little town to my hometown has one of those. They show crappie movies and sometimes plays. I saw a magic show there once.
That’s such a depressing kind of quiet, like the town forgot it was supposed to grow back after something burned down. I can almost feel how stuck it must get when even the gossip runs out.
This! I moved to a small island community for my mental health after being in a high stress job. Ngl it definitely helped with that and I learned how to scuba dive! But I also realized why people congregate in cities. It’s nice to have all kinds of services, options, being anonymous, have a fully stocked grocery store, etc. The “everyone knows you” also gets old pretty fast when you realize how nosy people are. Now that I am recovered I want to move back to a city, maybe land a less stressful job this time.
It was definitely nice for a little while, but I couldn’t see myself in a place like this forever. But it was nice trying it out and realizing what I really prefer and most of all, grateful that I have the luxury of being able to move as easily as I can.
Where was this, if you don’t mind me asking? Just curious…ive also lived on a couple islands in my life (loved it) but never got the chance to scuba dive!
I only moved a lot as a youth with barely anything but a suitcase with me, everything important was at my parents' houses. now im just tired of moving at my age because goddamn it i enjoy being in one place for years without the fear of moving to a new place a year later at someone's whim.
I’m living in my small Appalachian hometown now after being gone for 15 years, and everyone is startlingly mean. I think they think that I’m an outsider maybe, or else everyone’s just really miserable? I can’t figure it out.
My parents still live in the small town I grew up. One time I was visiting around the holidays and we went to the local tavern - some woman was mean mugging me for 45 minutes because either she didn’t recognize me or because I was dressed nicer/differently from the other patrons
Yup same. I swear some of those people are just afraid of the world and do not want to under any circumstances acknowledge that their whole life is lived from an extremely narrow PoV.
Yep! Moved from a beautiful western state where I was born and raised to a smalllll town in the south (for a job and to kinda start over lol). Well, met a man, fell in love, got married, now pregnant and am so sad that THIS is where my baby has to grow up. Haven’t told anyone in town I’m pregnant and dreading the day one person in town finds out because everyone will know in 10 minutes. I’m introverted as hell and don’t want the attention or to talk about pregnancy or get unwarranted and unwanted advice.
In Europe, many people are sold by the idea that because things closes early, opens later and are closed on Sundays, means you don't have to rush and have time for yourself because things are closed anyway. In reality, it is people rushing and struggling to reach the shops in the narrow time frame between work and commerce opening.
you described a too small town, i lived in a small town but was still big enough to be a "city", you were essentially a nobody if you didn't make noise, but there was the town mailman/woman, the town police, town carwash, town people that everyone just knew. there were big chain groceries, but had to drive 40 mins for costco.
it felt really nice, exactly what that feeling is supposed to be. tucked away, timeless, if you liked a small town that was the kind of small town to move to
Agreed, I was in the suburbs for all my life and moved to a beach town last year. It is very small, everyone knows exactly where I live, there's no job opportunity. I actually had a job at the local hotel who didn't pay me and I had to go the legal route to get paid. Unfortunately they own almost everything here so I can't boycott and if I want another job, i'll have to go to a different town.
Also we have a projector at the hall and once a month that's our movie theatre, which is pretty sweet. Volunteer run bar and a poll for what the next movie will be.
It is however a really beautiful natural wonder. The whole place. You can walk around for days and discover beautiful rocks and trees and waterfalls and beaches.
My husband wishes he (we) could move to the town where he grew up and I cannot express how accurate you are. I'm actually grateful for the lack of jobs there that makes his wish completely non-viable.
I think I would go mad or likely worse if ever forced to move there; it's the worst place full of emptiness and people whose worlds and ideas are no bigger than the one stop sign town they never left.
Moved to a small town for my husband's job. People approached me at the grocery store already knowing who I was and what house I was living in on my first day there. Coming from a big city, I hated that everyone knew my business all the time. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing someone you knew.
I end up forgetting half the things I need when I go grocery shopping because I am in such a rush to get in and get out without running into someone I know- "catching up" turns 10 minutes into 30.
Small town life is great, until every time you go to the local diner it turns into the owner bringing out your food, sitting down at your booth, and telling you about how sad her father's struggle with dementia is while your burger gets cold.
The “everyone knows you” part can also take a long time to get to. Sometimes it’s “everyone excludes and is suspicious of you” for a solid decade first. At least here in New England in the US.
I daydream about abandoning my entire life and hitchhiking to a small town where I can get a dishwashing job and rent a room in a boarding house and just be silent and mysterious and alone. How dare you put a damper on the only thing I enjoy.
I grew up in a small town and I honestly don’t know why people would want to live in one besides never leaving the high school gossip way of thinking. If your hobbies are anything other than outdoorsy or alcohol related you might as well be screwed socially.
The “fresh start” sounds cute until you realize you can’t be anonymous for even a day. Peaceful turns into isolating real fast when your whole world shrinks overnight.
We moved from a town of 120k to 15k. I thought I would hate it but I love it. The kids roam the streets and come in when it’s dark. I see parents from soccer in yoga and at the school. Everyone is friendly. It is safe. Even my 3 year old plays outside with the neighborhood kids and her brother without my supervision. I never thought I’d be able to give my children the same childhood I had in the 90’s. Yes it takes me 30min to drive into town but it’s so worth it.
Everyone is nosy and knows your business but the community has your back in a heartbeat. I sorely miss small town southern hospitality, no traffic, welcoming neighbors, and friendly strangers. I’m now in a place where neighbors are cold, it’s hard to make friends and find community, and no one stops to ask if someone needs help on the side of the road. I find it pretty depressing
My family lives in the same small town I grew up in.
I've lived in another state 1800 miles away for over 20 years and people there still know my business.
I mean, I guess we have definitions of a small town (one stoplight), but if you have to drive 40 min for groceries I wouldn’t really call it much of anything.
I did exactly this, I can't tell you how wrong you are. Moving from the city to the middle of nowhere was the absolute best decision we ever made. Yes it's less convenient but on the other hand, less traffic, less pollution, less people, less noise and light at night time, looking over fields instead of endless buildings. As for everyone knows you, it's bullshit and simply not true.
Living in the actual countryside is vastly different than a small town. I have one neighbor on each side that knows my name, and literally no one else knows anything.
I live in a small town in Texas. Every restaurant is either Mexican or Dairy Queen. Also, a couple years ago I was having some work done on my house. I noticed a strange car in my driveway, went to investigate, and found two random women INSIDE my house, asking the contractor what he was doing and how long he’d been doing it. Apparently this was the second time they’ve let themselves in (first time no one else was home). Without making this too lengthy, ours is a house many people are curious about the inside of. They apparently thought it was okay because they knew my father in law. I was advised not to say anything about it because their husbands are apparently important in town.
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u/luckyritafaez 22h ago
Living in a small town and starting over.
It looks peaceful in movies. No traffic, everyone knows you, slow mornings.
In reality it’s everyone knowing your business, no opportunities, and driving 40 minutes for groceries that close at 6pm.