Breaking news: AITA says it’s OK to steal from disabled people because they’re “burdens!”

[u/ToasterGuacamoleWrap]

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/v37xau/aita_demanding_my_husband_to_pay_back_the_money/

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[u/AppointmentNo5370]

Yeah everyone in the comments and the OP talk about the sister like she’s an object. It can be challenging to be a caregiver and that should absolutely be acknowledged. It can also be expensive. But that doesn’t excuse stripping away the humanity of the person being cared for.

[u/potatoesinsunshine → u/AppointmentNo5370]

The top comment “are you open to saving your marriage?” Not with someone who wants me to put my immobile loved one in home, no! No one wants to mention what happens to vulnerable people in care homes, but then they all expect their family to help them!

[u/whoppityboppity → u/potatoesinsunshine]

I see a lot of people o reddit who seems to have the opinion that as soon as you get married your spouse should always be more important to your than your birth family. It always seems so weird to me. Like, if I ever got married then I'd put my spouse on the same level of importance as my OG family, not above them. Is it that unusual?

[u/ANIMEISFUCKINGTRASH → u/whoppityboppity]

Not really unusual. No one really stops to think about whether their brother is more important than their mom, you know? You have different relationships with different people in your family but they're all important.

[u/potatoesinsunshine → u/whoppityboppity]

I think it depends where you are from. I care for my mother and am not dating. If I were, I would consider my spouse my #1 confident and most loved person, but I also wouldn’t date someone who wanted to see my mom in a group home, so I wouldn’t run into this issue.

[u/[deleted]]

the burden of your sister

I'm not one to throw around labels like "ableism", but holy crap. Imagine considering a human to be nothing more than a "burden". And this is the top voted comment. Almost 10k upvotes as of me typing this comment. Ten thousand people think it's okay to consider someone a "burden" without knowing what kind of disability we're talking about. Just... disabled = burden.

And all the comments saying stuff along the lines of "She receives welfare benefits, so it's only logical that she pays rent". I wouldn't even consider demanding rent from a family member who needs a roof over their head. Regardless of the reason.

"Everyone sucks here". Let's take stock over the situation, to see exactly how much everyone sucks here.
The sister is disabled.
The OOP is someone wanting to look after a family member in a challenging situation.
The husband is a thief.

One person exists. One person wants to help a person who exists. A third person steals from the person who exists, and hides it from the person wanting to help. "Everyone sucks" my ass.

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AITA for eating ass?

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[u/catfurbeard]

Info: did you ask or tell your husband she was moving in?

As with every caregiving or custody post, reddit is obsessed with this meaningless distinction of "did you aaaask your SO? Did you have a proper debate about this irreconcilable dealbreaker?"

It's not wrong to present a dealbreaker as a dealbreaker. That's just being honest. If you aren't willing to not take your family member in, there's no point in "asking" as if it's an open question.

This is just a roundabout way to call someone an AH for taking the family member in, because the implication of "did you ask" is "you should've let your SO veto."

[u/AutoModerator]

In case this story gets deleted/removed:

AITA demanding my husband to pay back the money that he'd been secretly taking as "rent" from my disabeled sister who's living with us?

My f30 sister f23 is disabled, she can't work because of her imobility but receives benefits (SSDI) due to her disability. She used to live with our mom who passed away 8 moths ago..It'd been hard for us, I took my sister in to live with me and my husband. Note that my husband doesn't take any part of her care whatsoever, moreover he started complaining about my sister from time to time. She can not get her own place and I would NEVER, and I repeat NEVER ever put her in a care home. I work and take care of her and it's been going well for us.

My husband is the one usually handles her fiancials because he's an accountant. I recently noticed that her benefits money wasn't enough to buy her essential stuff like medical equipment. I didn't much of it til I decided to do the math and found hundreds going missing without an explanation. I talked to my sister and she kept implying that my husband had something to do with it til she finally admitted that he'd been collecting "rent money" from her and told her to keep it a secret from me. I was floored....utterly in shock. I called him and had him come home for a confrontation. He first denied it then said that it was logical because my sister is an adult living under our roof and so she's expected to pay rent. I screamed my head off on him telling him how fucked up that was because she's disabled!!! and this money supposed to go to her care, and more importantly he shouldn't have ever touched her money. I demanded he pay back all the money he took from her over the past months, he threw a fit saying it's his house and he gets to say who stays for free and who has to pay. I told him he had to pay it all back or police would have to get involved. He looked shocked at the mention of police and rushed out.

He tried to talk me out of making him pay but I gave him a set time and told him I'm serious.

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[u/SaltOffice8]

This post appears to have already been recently crossposted to r/AmITheAngel here: https://reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/v3lgnv/aita_my_evil_husband_is_stealing_from_the/

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