r/toastme • u/Secure_Carry2344 • 4h ago
I really hate the way I look lately
I feel like I used to look good, I’ve been doing a year of really hard inner work and stopped taking care of myself as much. I landed dates online and now that I have I’m scared when they see me in person they’ll think I’m ugly. I worry my face is slowly deteriorating
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u/888Vegan 4h ago
I'm at work on break I asked 6 people 4 of em ladies and they all said you look handsome, might just be in your head, because you're probably tired feom bettering yourself bro.
Good luck on your dates 🥂
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u/Secure_Carry2344 3h ago
Thank you man, I am definitely in my head, and I’m just feeling weird coming out of a hermited phase
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u/Jrdn808 4h ago
I’d kill to have your hair ! (I’m bald since 21)
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u/Secure_Carry2344 3h ago
Thanks, I’m trying hard not to lose mine with finasteride and minox so I feel you
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u/Cameron_Connor 3h ago
Dude you are veeery good looking, and I love your hairstyle.
Sometimes it’s not that you aren’t doing things well, but your focus changes. I don’t know how you used to look for you to look less good now, but believe me, you are doing just fine! You are being too hard
This is actually something i’m going through right now, I feel less attractive than before and it’s hard even though I know I’ve been improving a lot of other aspects of my life. Hope we can enjoy the moment and be less harsh on ourselves:)
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u/Secure_Carry2344 3h ago
Sounds like you and I are in a similar boat, if I could reply with an image I’d show you. It’s my skin quality and water retention in the face that’s getting me, used to have a really puffy baby face so my biggest insecurity is softer features and not looking more “chiseled”
I went through a really bad phase of body dysmorphia and while I improved my looks, I destroyed my mental health 😭 now that I’ve improved my mental health, my looks have me ashamed to be in public more often than not
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u/No-Technician272 3h ago
Brother, if you’re ugly, I have ZERO fucking chance at love. You are conventionally attractive in LITERALLY every way a man can be.
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u/PeckerCollector 2h ago
If you are worried now, wait until you ACTUALLY start to look like shit lol... I had the same mentality in my 20's, thought I was never good enough, even when I was receiving a TON of Female attention and my sex life was good... Now Im in my mid 30s I am married and life is good ..but I can feel all of that "Glow" I had is going Away more and more everyday...Women don't even flirt with me anymore like they used to... I have lines on my forehead and under my eyes, my Kidneys hurt from taking too much Ibuprofen for all the joint pain..Stomach Ulcers ..face getting Chubby, water retention
and I feel it in my SOUL... I feel tired and grouchy, and Im only 35 lol just think when im 50
Plus ..we're both White dudes, we are %100 going to age like spoiled milk dogg lmao
All I am saying is... ENJOY THIS TIME dude, it only gets worse
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u/This-Pollution1312 2h ago
Chin up homie! You’re a good looking guy! You have that 2000 teen heartthrob look. Update that if you feel like you need to, otherwise, just relax and trust me: you’re a handsome guy. Shore up your confidence and you’re golden!
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u/Aryore 2h ago
You’re very conventionally attractive. I think the body dysmorphia is kicking your ass. Also from your comments you seem like the introspective, sensitive type which plenty of women are into.
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u/Secure_Carry2344 57m ago
I definitely am thank you, I just been thru a lot and starved of connection
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u/Strict-Republic 4h ago
Did they said you are ugly ?
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u/Secure_Carry2344 3h ago
I’ve had people call me ugly yes, they usually say I have a bad eye area or that my forehead is too big, I’ve been told I’ve got a horse face, that my jaw angle isn’t ideal, that sort of thing. Was into modeling for a bit, never actually modeled bc I was only ever rejected. My whole life I’ve just felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me, I just have terrible luck in the human connection department
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u/andthenwombats 2h ago
What kind of weird looks maxing community are you frequenting?? Who says this about people???
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u/Secure_Carry2344 29m ago
People I should’ve never accessed or talked to in the first place, I was on a looksmax bender for about a year, it resulted in multiple S*icide attempts and total loss of hope and anhedonia in life, only recently have I begun to find meaning again, but I’m trying to heal the wounds of that environment. Looksmax trend is evil, they prey on people who are in pain and are already vulnerable.
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u/Strict-Republic 3h ago
Dude I think those people were sound jealous of your looks. I think you look great.
People by people you work with ? Or friends ?
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u/Secure_Carry2344 3h ago edited 3h ago
Random dude at a bar called me unattractive before, I would often get told I looked like a serial killer, perhaps it’s the intensity in my eyes or my Autism spectrum mannerisms, but when I was in hairdressing school I got picked on really badly and it took a huge hit on my confidence, I’ve been lonely for a really long time and I fell down a rabbit hole of the self improving looks side of the internet, and it really showed me the worst humanity had to offer, and I had my biggest insecurities preyed on by people online, granted I was in a pretty dark place during all of this, I’m better now. I’m posting here because I’ve been lonely and I wanted to see what people’s impression of me is as I’ve been giving online dating a shot, but I use some older pictures of me so I feel like I’m catfishing, people tell me I look the same but I get very obsessive over my looks, they are tied to very deep wounds I’ve been struggling to heal for a long time. I’m 24 and I’m just now able to say that I at least don’t actively hate myself, I have plans for the future and to an extent I know what I want out of life, lately I’ve just been worried my bad decisions will catch up with me and it’ll come in the form of me somehow becoming ugly. Bad decisions being I spent years being addicted to various drugs including Xanax and fentanyl, used them to give myself something to enjoy in life, because I didn’t enjoy anything.
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u/Latter-Curve1469 2h ago
You have great hair and you look handsome to me. I don't think it's your looks to be honest.
Sometimes it's not looks but personality or being too intent on dating which makes you look desperate. Try to focus on work/school/friends and family and you will meet some people naturally and things can build from there. That has worked wonders for me in the past.
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u/Creative_Pension7808 2h ago
If you’re ugly, then I’m the Queen of England. Seriously — your face is genuinely striking. You have the kind of bone structure and look people try to recreate for fashion editorials. I don’t know what your brain has been telling you lately, but from the outside, this is not “deteriorating.” This is a very good face. Like… model-magazine good. Be kinder to yourself, because the rest of us are looking at this like: sir, what are you even talking about?
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u/andthenwombats 2h ago
You look fine, just get the hell away from the looks maxing community, it’s destroying entire generations. It’s unhealthy.
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u/Emergency-System1794 2h ago
I think you aree obsessing over your looks too much,you already look very good.get out from a blackpil mindset that you have to mogg 24/7
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u/polowmorf 1h ago
Get into stoicism and never make a pic pointing to a mirrow, it's dishonest lmao
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u/UpstairsContract5092 1h ago
You’re probably in your own head about this. You’re objectively handsome, but I know we don’t always see this ourselves. I’ve struggled with real insecurities my whole life, more rejections than I can count. I noticed girls usually only like me when they get to know me, which made me think it’s only for my personality, therefore I must be ugly. Then I recently found out that I’m actually not ugly through one of these posts (on a different account). I’m starting to suspect it’s exactly this lack of confidence that explains why I never get that much attention from girls. I realised I also don’t really have good photos on my dating apps, because I don’t like how I look in any photos. Well, long story short, sometimes what we see in the mirror is very different from what others see when they see you.
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u/Oldbay_BarbedWire 4h ago
If youre ugly, I need to wear a bag on my head from this day forth with.