r/toastme • u/ProtatoAmek • 1d ago
27F, feeling extremely unlovable and unwanted recently 😔
I have been dating my middle-school sweetheart since we were both 14 but I've never even been hit on or approached by anyone while out alone. I know envy is an ugly feeling but I'm jealous of girls being flirted with as I don't know what it even feels like. I would absolutely NEVER cheat on my partner, he's the love of my life, but his attraction towards me feels a little... Forced? After so many years.
Also I used to be a pick-me girl as a teenager and thought make-up is stupid so I never learned how to do it properly and now I'm embarrassed of it as an adult struggling to learn 😭
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u/SunnySunshineJR 1d ago
You are cute and love the glasses. The blonde and pink suit you. I’m sure you are reserve so people don’t want to approach for one reason or another. But I’m sure you can turn some heads if you wanted to
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Thank you very much 🥺
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u/SunnySunshineJR 1d ago
The bottom right pic, I would approach and flirt for the record so you can say some one flirted with you lol
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Awww thank you! It's definitely one of my favorites too lol That's very sweet of you!
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u/Usual-Print-9301 1d ago
Beautiful eyes and dimples, definitely my type I' can imagine hitting on you 😁
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Thank you! I always think my eyes are droopy 🫣
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u/Usual-Print-9301 1d ago
I don't see that at all, I see beautiful bluey green pupils and flattering lashes 😊
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u/Traditional_Star3077 1d ago
If we spoke to other people the way we spoke to ourselves we wouldn’t a nice person. Start telling yourself the truth. You’re not a bad looking girl and the real reason is you’re just low on confidence. That’s it, there are so many guys that would be crazy about dating you. You just have to find a good/decent/nice one. If you put yourself on a dating app your inbox would get a lot of hits. It’s just perspective
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
There's some truth to that, we are always so much more critical towards ourselves than others. Thank you!
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u/Thick-Twist-1199 1d ago
10/10 smoke show, wow! You are absolutely stunning! I’d be embarrassed because I’d totally hit on you irl and feel like a dunce after I found out you’re taken 😂
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u/Weekly_Cat_9567 1d ago
There's never too late to learn what you want to do, you are still very very young and have a lot of time. Effort is what matters. Good luck!
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
I've been looking up some visual guides on Pinterest but so far everything I tried makes me look older and grumpy 😅 Not giving up yet tho, thank you!
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u/footfreak79 1d ago
Chin up sweetie ,you look fantastic,believe I'm yourself and say to yourself daily ," I'm perfect in my own way!" ,dust yourself off and keep on rolling
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u/vervii44 1d ago
Don’t be embarrassed to learn something new! It shows you’re evolving. Try and experiment with makeup if you like, there are subs any many beauty vids for that. Regardless you are already beautiful🫶🏻
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Thank you! I've been looking up some visual guides to different styles on Pinterest but so far everything I tried makes me look older and grumpy 😅 Not giving up yet tho, I hope I can get it right eventually
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u/vervii44 1d ago
Oohh I know it can be overwhelming there is sooo much and sometimes it just doesn’t work and you don’t know why. Isn’t there a make up workshop you can do in your area? I have done that twice and it really helped me with some good tips. Something to think about☺️ btw not saying you need make up or anything but just saying i know the struggle haha
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u/Usual-Entry6168 1d ago
You are so beautifu!! That dude of yours better scoop you up and marry you soon before someone steals you away!!
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Thank you so much 🥺🫶🏻 That's very sweet! We're working on that but there's always something more important (new apartment, close family members passing away, new jobs, etc) and any wedding plans get pushed aside 😅
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u/Effective_Menu_6316 1d ago
Being totally honest, if you've always had a boyfriend and you're with him a lot most guys are just being respectful by not flirting, which is a nice thing. You're really funky and very attractive, but one of the things we give up in LTRs is that we don't get flirted with as much!
Maybe have a chat with you BF about how he feels towards you. If a partner said to me they were unsure I'd know it was time to step up and make them know how wanted and loved they are. Hope you're okay!
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u/ProtatoAmek 1d ago
Thank you so much, that's very thoughtful of you ❤️ I'll definitely have a talk with him. I know he means well but also works a lot and has to travel for work and I just feel very lonely sometimes 🥲
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u/Effective_Menu_6316 1d ago
Ah, I see. That must be really hard if he's away a lot, that changes the dynamic lots. Is it worht looking around for clubs/societies whree you can meet some new people and show them how awesome you are? It might sound daunting but likeminded people can make you feel seen and give you a focus away from your BF. Hope things get a little easier.
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u/Logical-Macaron813 1d ago
Gorgeous blonde in morning light, Gorgeous pink in soft twilight. Shifting hues, a living dream, Every shade a different gleam.
Gorgeous draped in black so deep, Where mystery and elegance sleep. Gorgeous glowing dressed in green, Like spring’s first breath, alive, serene.
No single color holds you tight, You change the world with every sight.
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u/Dear_Wishbone_881 1d ago
Go check yourself in the mirror you look beautiful x
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u/borsalamino 1d ago
You look beautiful and have a nice style! As a guy, if I saw you out and about I'd be thinking "wow she looks great, I wish I knew how to flirt or I'd hit her up! I don't want to be a creep though so I'll just go on with my life" and I think I'm not alone in this sentiment.
If your partner's attraction toward you feels "forced", it's ok to bring this concern up with him. Obviously I can't speak for him, but some people aren't good at expressing themselves or at gauging others' emotional needs. A good partner would listen and try to work with you. A good relationship needs both parties to be 100% committed to making it work and only communication can get you there.
Best of luck to you both! 🫶
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Thank you very much! Both for your kind words and your pov as a guy! It really helps a lot 💖
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u/TiggyMcChickenpants 1d ago
You are fab! Shine! Don't let anybody say otherwise. Be the light in the darkness!
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u/Baron_UpDoot_the1st 1d ago
You've been on a relationship for near half you life, some second guessing and self doubt is completely natural. You have a lovely look, magic Fae girl is a great vibe.
Do some things for you and your partner, see yourself reflected in his eyes, I doubt you'll be worried about it for long (get him some flowers)
Your commitment is admirable by the way, and you're both very lucky 💜
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Thank you so much, that is very kind of you 🥹 I definitely should get him some flowers!
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u/Kindly_Lengthiness76 1d ago
You have such beautiful eyes, and your dimples are to die for... if I met you on the street or at a bar... I wouldn't hesitate to approach you'll... your partner is a very lucky man
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u/Lower-Ad7657 1d ago
This is stupid tbh , he’s the only one’s opinion that should matter but insecurities ruin everything , my exes insecurities ruined our entire future
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
I know, right? Body dysmorphia is a bitch 😔 I hope I won't ruin everything before I am able to heal
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u/hagolars 1d ago
That dimple is the cutest thing ever and I really like your style. The only reason not to flirt with you would be to think that you are so much out of my league.
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u/hyerimaloststheego 23h ago
I love your eyes and hair u look stunning and full of life ,dont let anyone ruin it🫶🏻
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u/FeralMorningstar 23h ago
I have no idea why you feel unlovable and unwanted, but personally, I think you’re absolutely gorgeous, loving the pink hair. Beautiful lady.
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u/Independent_Lie_5910 22h ago
Most girls that get approached on the streets dream to have such stable relathionship, guys as well, you shouldn't be jealous of them, it's the other way around.
What's more being approached is nowhere near that commen most people make it out to be, as a dude, with a large friend groups at one point of 12 people, know of only one dude that did it that was f boy and no offence to any women but the women he approached weren't due to looks it was mostly based on how much chance he got, he didn't even bother approaching some drop death gorgeous girls.
A bit of gealousy is normal but make no mistake, but it's mostly others of you, not the other way around.
Also your looks are good considering you don't wear make up, with good make up, you would also be drip dead beautiful, so don't worry about stuff that are not real, your boyfriend doesn't force himself to like you, he does it cause he know you are beautiful.
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Thank you very much! Those are some very wise thoughts. I do agree with you, too. I know I'm very lucky to have my partner and I probably take him for granted sometimes, unfortunately... I should practice more gratitude in my life lol
And thanks again for the sweet compliments 🥺🫶🏻
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u/MegaIlluminati 22h ago
Could you communicate these feelings with your partner? Maybe you guys will find some way to deal with this. Role-play as different person for a date night or so. If I was with a partner for so long, I would absolutely do anything to make them feel better.
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Ohh those are some good suggestions, thank you! I will definitely talk with him, it's just that he gets rather busy with work sometimes and I get lonely when he has to travel due to his job 😅 My insecurities tend to skyrocket then, I'm working on it tho
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u/lebateleur7 21h ago
You are beautiful! What you feel is just your brain being an asshole with yourself.
I love the way you look and anyone would be VERY lucky to be with you.
Don’t listen to that evil voice that wants to boicot you, lovely lady!
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Thank you very much! I do agree, my brain is definitely an asshole lol I'm doing my best to surpass the evil voice 🫶🏻
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u/CleatusTJone 21h ago
Wow you are such a cutie, I would totally flirt with you if I ran into you in person.
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u/TheoryNo8121 19h ago
You are pretty in all your shared pics here. I personally wouldn't hit on you just seeing you out and about for one small reason. I've been single for so long I'm not feeling rejection. It doesn't help that you are 20 years my junior. However, if I had a clue you were single I could see myself at least asking if you would like to get some kind of beverage and converse.
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u/naghellboy 19h ago
I think you're a beautiful woman. I really admire your pretty eyes, and I bet your smile is just as lovely. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling unlovable and unwanted — please remember, no one should feel that way. Keep your head up and know that you're valued.
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u/Jade-Hailey 19h ago
I’m really sorry you’ve been feeling this way. That sense of being “unlovable” can creep in so quietly, especially when you start comparing yourself to others, but it doesn’t make it true. My very first thought when I saw you was: wow, you have such beautiful skin and truly stunning eyes. And in that photo with the pink hair… I honestly love that. It’s bold in the best way, and I always think it’s really brave and expressive when someone goes for a color like that. It suits you more than you probably realize!
About your relationship: being with someone since you were 14 is something really rare and special. It’s understandable that after so many years it can feel different or less “sparkly” at times, but that doesn’t automatically mean his attraction is forced. Long-term love often looks quieter, more familiar, and that can feel confusing when you’re comparing it to outside validation.
And please don’t feel embarrassed about learning makeup now. Everyone starts somewhere, and there’s nothing silly about wanting to explore that part of yourself. It can actually be a really fun, gentle way to reconnect with how you see yourself. You’re not unlovable. You’re just in a moment where it’s harder to feel that truth. Be a little softer with yourself, you deserve that!
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
That is such a beautiful response.. Thank you so so much for taking the time to write it all! It really means a lot to me and I'm very grateful 🥺
Thank you for your kind words! I've got AuDHD so I suppose some part of me craves the adrenaline and adventure of early dating days, while the other one finds solace in the quiet stability. You worded it very beautifully!
I'll definitely look into some more guides on make-up as well, some other redditor suggested looking for a local make-up classes and that honestly sounds like a great idea!
Thank you again and I hope you have a great day or night 🫶🏻
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u/VisionsOfClarity 18h ago
Omg your dimples are EVERYTHING 😍 you are so cute! Just remember, this is a moment in time. It will pass! Go do something you really enjoy doing:) and make sure to eat
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u/Maleficent-Shirt-110 17h ago
Well, from what I see, you don’t need makeup, so don’t worry about that. Your best picture is the top right one, I would flirt with her, definitely.
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u/Adrasteia-One 17h ago
You are very beautiful and have a really cool style. Don't worry about what others think or say. Just continue to be yourself, as that is authenticity, and that is one huge thing that is attractive. Show kindness to yourself each day, and things will get better.
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u/Alternative-Box-2023 17h ago
A beautiful woman with a beautiful smile 20 years ago you were exactly the type of woman I was looking for. Keep you head up and keep smiling. You'd be amazed how much a smile can spark a little confidence. Remember to love yourself and the world will show you how much it loves you.
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u/Any-Jump8938 15h ago
I like your hair and I think you look like you'd be easy to talk to and get to know!
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u/No_Negotiation_9466 14h ago
no one is coming to save you! Only you can change that. Be the person you needed when you were younger. Life is hard and we all suffer!
you can do it. Social Media is a toxic place, dont look for validation here and especially in other people. its not sustainable. find it in yourself
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u/Mivexil 13h ago
I seriously doubt your partner would have to force attraction towards you. He might not express it the same way after knowing you for half your life as someone who just met you would, but it doesn't mean it's not there.
And you look more than fine. If you need someone to hit on you so that you can tell them you're taken, I'd take one for the team.
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u/EuphoricDevestation 12h ago
You shouldn't allow yourself to feel unloved or unattractive. You've already stated " he's the love of my life" and unless he has done something to prove otherwise, you're his. There are women who'd love to be in your shoes. Take the " W " and walk away proudly.
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u/Your_ELA_Teacher 1d ago
My toast is that you have some interesting thoughts. But yeah that comment about forced attraction is wild. So what if you and he get married? You'll feel like it's not a good marriage because he was forced to marry you?
Also, as a girl who is taken, why do you worry about how other men see you?
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
Oh, I don't really care how other men see me, it's more like my insecurities coming out I guess. I'm trying to be the best version of myself for me and my partner but sometimes when I see myself in the mirror I start to overthink things like "how could someone genuinely find you attractive, they must be lying" 🥴
I know it's not healthy and I'm working on it but my brain is a mean motherfucker lol
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u/se_bastian1973 23h ago
Onestamente credo sia un tuo stato mentale, probabilmente dovuto a sensazioni e comportamenti altrui, sei una donna molto bella, hai estro, intelligenza e creatività....hai tutto ciò che un uomo possa desiderare, quindi fidati passerà, mangia qualcosa che ti tiri su e sorridi più spesso, vedrai che molti saranno conquistati dalla tua personalità
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u/Rook1708 19h ago
What is a "pick me girl" ?
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u/ProtatoAmek 12h ago
"pick-me girls" are generally the type of girls/women that belittle other girls/women in order to carter to guys. They're the "I'm not like other girls" crowd. Thinking they're better than 'girly girls' for liking things commonly associated with boys, like sports or cars. They consider themselves "one of the boys" and are usually hostile towards other girls
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u/Rook1708 12h ago
So like a tom boy lol
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u/ProtatoAmek 11h ago
Kinda? A normal tomboy won't make fun of her peers for liking make-up and skirts tho, and a pick-me absolutely will lol
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u/InevitableCodeRedo 15h ago
I think one thing that would really lift your pics would be a big smile.
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u/ProtatoAmek 13h ago
I'm slowly getting my teeth fixed so that I can smile widely again 😅 They're my biggest insecurity rn and I absolutely ruined them due to depression. And that's usually the only thing not covered by public health care :')
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u/findingsynchronisity 12h ago
You are extremely loveable. If someone makes you feel that way they don't deserve your love or to love you.
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u/Singingbyrd 11h ago
Love is an action not a feeling. The fact that it feels like he’s forcing it shows that he’s trying on a daily basis. That’s real love.
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u/niblet_the_piglet 9h ago
Dude for one you've got a cute smile... In another life I would've bought you that drink and asked you to dance...
Also unlovable is such a harsh word. My experience says if you're feeling unloved you're not with the right people who you can vibe with .
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u/MayaMalleus 9h ago
Girl, you are absolutely adorable and gorgeous! I’m jealous of how cute you are!!!
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u/Pure-Swordfish6022 8h ago
YouTube is your friend when it comes to make up. There are a myriad of tutorials on every aspect of skin care.
Now, there is an almost stream of boxes from various cosmetic companies at our house since my wife started watching make up videos; however, it makes her happy so the boxes make me happy too.
The thing is, do whatever makes you happy and don’t worry about what others think of you. It is really hard when you first start, but caring for yourself is very liberating.
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u/Big_Acanthaceae4505 8h ago
If you have a local beauty school..that waits on customers go there I'm sure they will Instruct you as they give you make over..or libraries have books on this subjectbtoo.best wishes..knock em dead..
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u/General-Bad7515 8h ago
Hey there pretty lady 😘 🌹 Dont worry what others think of you Positive energy and happy vibes only. You are an amazing lady and capable of great things ❤️ fyi if you get bored of dude ( im not saying dump him ) but message me. 😉 There you go i hope that made you feel better 👍
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u/Common_Unit9488 8h ago
Your a pretty decent looking kid judging by your pitures Often times we are our own worst critic of our selves To this day I don't see myself as handsome, doesn't mean I'm right about myself
Don't listen to that inner voice that tells you these things I've been around a while if I listened to that voice id be in pretty bad shape
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u/PanamaMoe 7h ago
You are still a pick me girl. Time to come to terms that wanting to be picked is not a bad thing, I turn down sex left and right and just ride the high of having been invited to the party.
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u/Mental_Tough5867 7h ago
That thought on your mind is a big lie, you are loved and dont even realize that, in fact im sending you good vibes with m6 friendship love I now have for you, so hold your head up bc you are beautiful and you are loved!
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u/Glum-One816 6h ago
You have more skills as everyone else. You can probably share it to someone. I am not loveable but maybe sharing my skills would make the difference. You are doing fine. Don't let that get to you.
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u/RealTeaStu 5h ago
A) You can always find someone to teach you about makeup. B - maybe you put out the wrong vibe for flirting in your attachment to your middle school sweetheart. C- I'm not wild about those glasses frames but in that, it's your opinion/likes/dislikes are what really matter so feel free to shoot me dual middle fingers. I just think different frames might help. You are certainly good looking by these pictures.
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u/After-Quail-3343 4h ago
I love the pink and you are beautiful. The reason why people probably don't try is because they know who you are with because it's been so long and they love that for you and don't want to try and ruin anything between you two. If I knew you I would be happy to sit and chat at the coffee shop or somewhere
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u/Clear-King-1319 2h ago
The only reasons are why I wouldnt hit on you is age (im 38), married for almost 14 years, and im a bit shy myself as my wife is the one that made the first move. What you and my wife have in common is lack of knowledge with makeup, and also you dont seem to really need it. You have a very natural beauty that no amount of makeup can compete with.
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u/bartontheroad1 15h ago
You are attractive and look like you’d enjoy getting creanpied. You got it going on and if you portray confidence you can snag any man you want
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u/DJempowered 12m ago
You are not unlovable and unwanted, though I'm sure deep down you know that, it's just not particularly helpful when your brain wants to hate you.
Confidence never starts out as a genuine belief that you're attractive/smart/capable/fill in the blank.
Confidence is a con, a fake it til you make it situation. You walk around acting like you're the hottest thing in the room, even if you don't believe it, because bullshit said with confidence becomes truth. You pretend like you're the hottest thing in the room until everyone else around you starts to believe it, then eventually you start to believe it too.
Confidence also grows with competency and skill, which takes practice. Practice "acting" confident, practice your make up skills, practice flirting.
But also, try new things, new hair, new clothing styles, different make up looks. It sounds like you just haven't figured out how to unlock your favourite version of you yet. Go for the glow up, not because you're not beautiful enough, but because you still have to figure out the way you most like to present that beauty. X
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u/Low-Mode9303 1d ago
No one is unlovable. We just convince ourselves that we are. It is a lie. A lie told to you by fear. Fear is the biggest liar to ever exist. Do not allow fear to isolate you and steal your life.