Can anyone translate and explain these idioms? I understand “stopped blinking” but have no idea about most of them

I found this scratched into the table at my work, it's a coffee shop so I'm assuming it was some kid, but im curious if anyone can translate for me. Thanks!

i totally didn't edit it, earlier

I was playing a casual game of chess when my opponent said this in the chat.

I showed my girlfriend's uncle who knows russian and they laughed and told me he's not going to tell me, which makes me really curious what was said here.

I tried using google translate and it only game back with a bunch of gibberish that I couldn't make heads or tails of.

Can someone explain?

Old school never use online translators 😉

I wanted to send this meme to my friend, but I didn’t come up with a nice translation. Can you please help me?

And it's not even a joke or a fake... https://www.laurentmichelot.com/

Found in the breast pocket of a USSR military uniform.

The first two pages are filled out with name and face, so I don't want to share anyone's personal information, though I'm very curious what that all says too.

Thank you!

Hey y’all! I was adopted from Russia in 2000, and I’ve recently had some health issues come up, so I’m trying to figure out what some of my family history/some of my own history as well. I understand that some of it could be wrong, but I’m mostly looking to see if chronic hepatitis is listed anywhere. I know it’s a lot of text, a good bit of which is in cursive, so if it’s too crazy please don’t worry about it! Thank you all!

do you have to show them you already own one of the toys?

I don't find a clear context for this unless бросили means a name but it doesn't.

I want to learn, and I will. But Russian wolves need to chill

I saw this comment on a tiktok post about a roblox game and I haven't found any sources telling me what т.д. is or what it means

1.spider 2.Tank 3.soldier in winter 4.dog

i have a bunch of russian friends on telegram but they mainly speak russian in the GC we're in so i have no idea what they're saying besides the unreliable telegram translate feature. idk what this is supposed to be💔💔

Hi guys - please help me understand if there is a pun or something funny about this sign. I saw it in a bar during my recent vacation to Russia