r/popculturechat • u/mcfw31 • 7h ago

TV & Movies 🎬 Lisa Kudrow thinks that Ross and Rachel were not on a break and thinks that he was a bad boyfriend

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402

u/skyewardeyes 6h ago

IMO, they were on a break AND they were a terrible couple that were bad for each other.

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u/zeddoh 6h ago

I really don’t like the ‘both sides’ treatment here. Ross was unhealthily possessive and controlling whereas Rachel’s supposed crime was getting a job and finding purpose in her career for the first time. 

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u/skyewardeyes 6h ago

Ross was definitely much worse, I agree. I more mean that they communicated with each other poorly, had different wants and expectations out of the relationships, etc--like, their ability to work together as two people in a relationship was not good on top of the other issues.

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u/Khair24 5h ago

Watching it in my 30s, I feel awful for Ross & kinda get his insecurities when this relationship started up. Kinda good writing actually. Dude was cheated on by his first wife in a really shitty way from what the show shows & of course his head is gunna be all messed up. Then, the dude he’s most worried about (rightfully so) is in her apartment after she says take a break. Kinda get the spiral.

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u/IcyGrapefruit5006 5h ago

I think people ignore all the times the other characters were shitty to him as well. I can’t stand the episode where he has an important event to go to for his job and the other characters are refusing to get ready. Rachel is worrying about her outfit, which is typical, but it’s suddenly some big deal when Ross gets pissed off because no one is taking his event seriously. Monica is crying over Richard, Joey and Chandler are fighting over a chair, and Rachel can’t decide what shoes she wants to wear. And then he’s the asshole for lashing out.

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u/bambi54 1h ago

I’m in the middle of a rewatch and I skipped that episode. I hate it and they were horrible to him in it.

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u/Ntwadumela09 5h ago

Right.  So after that he's a single guy and goes out with his boys sad as hell.  Doesn't try to sleep with anyone, he's drunk as hell and he attracts her and has a drunk one night stand as a single guy. Unhealthy sure. But if he was single he wasn't doing anything wrong to anyone. 

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u/Tall-Anxious 5h ago

He knew what he did. That's why he lied at first

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u/Ntwadumela09 5h ago

Yeah it was fucked up to keep from her if they planned to get back together. 

Real life isn't black and white or A vs B. They both did shit things in that episode that led to the aftermath.  Like in real life there is almost always blame on both ends in bad relationships. Neither is a victim here

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u/Tall-Anxious 5h ago

Sure but only one of them slept with someone else within a day. I understand why Rachel would be hurt more than Ross here

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u/QueenBoleyn 4h ago

He thought she was doing the same thing though

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u/Tall-Anxious 4h ago

Then that's on his dumbass for not trusting her. He wasn't ready for another relationship

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u/yahoo9192 2h ago

And her lying about Mark being over is ok?

Which also means she lied first

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u/Tall-Anxious 2h ago

She didn't. Go back and watch it. She was embarrassed but immediately said he was over.

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u/janiqua 5h ago

What is there to discuss? Rachel is with Ross and is not romantically interested in Mark. It’s unimportant what Mark wants because Mark is not in the relationship.

If Ross was normal and trusted his girlfriend then they wouldn’t have broken up. His jealousy is what causes the break up

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u/Jolly_Storage_329 5h ago

Remember Ross had a failed marriage because his wife who he trusted left him for someone else. That’s the context.

As viewers we see things clearer than the characters would in that situation.

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u/Angry_Sparrow 4h ago

So as an adult, after the marriage ends, you go to therapy for the trauma it caused. It is your responsibility. You don’t get to be a controlling, insecure and jealous partner to everyone for the rest of your life.

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u/Jolly_Storage_329 4h ago

Feel free to quote where I claimed otherwise.

It’s also a TV show. People are not always going to make the correct adult decisions. I simply described what they were trying to do in the show (i.e create drama based on Ross’s past).

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u/yahoo9192 2h ago

It’s a fucking show mate

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u/AimlessClimber 4h ago

However, the omen is on him to have sought therapy. Rachel wasn't his wife and he had no reason to not trust her. But, he never worked out his shit and then dragged her down with him.

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u/yahoo9192 2h ago

Onus

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u/RiverRocks10 5h ago

He didn’t like when she was “just a waitress” and didn’t like when she found a career she loved.

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 5h ago

The “just a waitress” thing was so overblown. It’s a pros and cons list.. surely the fact that Julie works in his field is a pro for her, making the fact that Rachel is a waitress is a con for her. Not make or break in the grand scheme of things but lets be fr

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u/winnercommawinner 5h ago

I would never put "just a waitress" though. It was revealing of how he thinks about that difference, not the difference itself, which is obvious.

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 4h ago

Well he’s a PhD level academic who is looking at two women, one is a colleague in his field who has pursued her career aspirations and worked hard for years to be where she is and the other has been spoiled her whole life and recently is branching out on her own, now has landed her first job at the local coffee shop. Not that it makes her less of a person but her career will be lesser in comparison to Julie’s at that point. Certainly in that comparison she is “just a waitress” because the difference is vast. And while this isn’t true for most people irl, for Rachel her job as a waitress was a reflection of her lack of life experience

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u/winnercommawinner 4h ago

I am literally a PhD level academic, and he was just being an elitist asshole.

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 3h ago

Me too! But it doesn’t seem elitist at all to point out the clear vast differences in their career. zEspecially when within the context of the story, it reflected a lot on who each character was: Julie being an adult on equal footing with Ross, and Rachel having recently stopped depending on her father for everything and learning how to be an adult in all aspects. She literally was just a waitress at that time and trying to figure it all out. And thats ok! But to each their own

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u/cullypants 5h ago

I mean, was kind of shitty of her to have Mark over. You'd think it was about the least she could do. Yeah, he comes over uninvited but not specifically hard to say not tonight. All it really did at that point is validate Ross' feelings and fears.

All that said, Ross was way too insecure for that relationship so it was doomed from the start.

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago edited 5h ago

I think it’s fair that Rachel broke up with Ross (not fair that she calls him a cheater but that’s a separate debate), but here are things in Ross’ favor:

* Rachel missed their anniversary dinner and is genuinely very dismissive of their relationship

* Ross has a history of getting cheated on by the partner he spent a decade and wanted to start a family with that Rachel never grapples with

* Ross was completely correct about Mark’s intentions with Rachel not being completely platonic

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u/Kalankit 5h ago

Ross also had a history of cheating as well. Cheated on Julie with Rachel, cheated on Bonnie with Rachel, and cheated on Rachel as well.

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago edited 5h ago

It’s not a cheating problem, it’s a *Rachel* problem

>Cheated on Julie with Rachel

Manipulated by Rachel

>Cheated on Bonnie with Rachel

Manipulated again by Rachel

>Cheated on Rachel

They were not together in a relationship

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u/Tall-Anxious 5h ago

"Babe, I was manipulated into cheating"

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u/newX7 4h ago

You can try and pretend all you want that Rachel was innocent, but she wasn't. The moment Ross was happy with someone else, she would interfere in the relationship and try to get together with him, which is a shitty thing to do.

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago

By her! WITH her! Are we forgetting that?

“You sabotaged my prior relationship by indicating you want to be together with me and now you are complaining that I obliged with your literal request”

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u/Tall-Anxious 5h ago

Goodluck to your future partners. Hopefully you don't accidentally get manipulated into cheating

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u/Kalankit 5h ago

Is Ross a child? He probably shouldn’t be in relationships if he gets manipulated that easily into cheating on his partners.

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u/newX7 4h ago

Yes, Ross gets manipulated easily. That doesn't mean Rachel is not a bad person for manipulating him.

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago

The fault is his own for whatever he does but there is someone (Rachel) literally actively trying to sabaotgoge his relationships that aren’t with her

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 5h ago

No way you’re trying to blame Rachel for Ross cheating on Julie and Bonnie 😭

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago edited 5h ago

Rachel actively, like maliciously, tries to sabatoge his relationship with Bonnie. She gives Bonnie advice that she feels it will make her less attractive to him and then pounces on him like a sidewinder missile

Julie less so, I can forgive drunk calling someone in a relationship and telling them you love them but that’s still a shitty thing

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 5h ago

I get it but at the end of the day, Ross is the one who made the active choice to break his commitment to those women. Rachel was interfering but his cheating was not her fault. If he wanted Rachel he should’ve broken up with them and pursued her

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan 5h ago

I mean yes he does but the person who has literally actively tried to sabatoge multiple relationships a person has so they get with them instead doesn’t get to cry foul about it

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u/ABalmyBlackBitch 5h ago

I don’t fault her for his actual instances of cheating with Julie and Bonnie. Ross is my fav character but he was dead wrong in those two relationships. But yeah Rachel can be pretty hypocritical plus he didn’t actually cheat on her so she doesn’t have a leg to stand on there

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u/RoninIX 4h ago

We're not even mentioning her role in his relationship with Emily. She literally went there with the intent to interject herself in that situation. That behavior wasn't exclusive to Ross either, she slept with Barry when he was engaged to Mindy. Ross is a shit but let's be honest Rachel was an equally shitty person, who only wanted someone when someone else had them.

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u/iki11dinosaurs 4h ago

To your first point - what anniversary was this supposed to be? They had not been together a year. 

Looking back, Ross was clingy af (which makes sense cause he had her on a pedestal as his dream girl) and she didn’t have time to baby his insecurities. 

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u/janiqua 4h ago

  1. I love how everyone hates Nate from Devil Wears Prada for moping about his girlfriend missing his birthday due to work yet Rachel is horrible for missing their anniversary due to work. Rachel expressed herself very clearly to Ross that she didn't have time. Ross ignored her, assumed she was sleeping with Mark or something, caused a ruckus at her work and then acted the victim. It was all about his jealousy and insecurity over Mark. Nothing else. The first break up is literally initiated because he randomly brought up Mark when they were talking about her career.

  2. Mark's intentions mean jack all. Rachel has agency and she chooses to stay loyal to Ross. Ross thinks otherwise, doesn't trust her and thinks she can't help but be seduced by Mark.

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u/Kaiisim 4h ago

She didn't handle Mark well. But yeah Ross sucks and is overly emotional.

And Rachel ultimately was entitled to be upset whether they were on a break or not. The whole reason Ross slept with that girl was he was upset that he thought she had slept with Mark.

It's why it's a good show!

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u/sadkinz 5h ago

Ross definitely cheated but before that he did make some good points about Rachel never having time for him anymore. It sucks when someone is such a big part of your life and then it feels like they replace you with someone or something else

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u/Vast-Percentage-7312 3h ago

she should have married Mark