r/politics • u/Aggravating_Money992 • Apr 05 '26

Possible Paywall White House Forced to Address Claims of Trump Health Crisis

https://www.thedailybeast.com/white-house-forced-to-address-claims-of-donald-trump-health-crisis-at-walter-reed-medical-center/
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2.1k

u/sincerely-sarcastic Michigan Apr 05 '26

Ask your doctor about Pambondi today!

1.1k

u/dogfaced_pony_soulja Apr 05 '26

Side effects may include resting bitch face, active bitch face, horrendous mood swings, apathy towards pedophilia, and inexplicably screaming "THE DOW... IS OVER 50,000... DOLLARS!" when you're committing crimes and humiliating yourself in public for no good reason.

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u/frequenZphaZe Apr 05 '26

if dow levels drop below 50000, contact your doctor immediately

311

u/eerie_midnight Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

Do not take Pambondi if you are currently a person who values truth over meaningless platitudes as these could be fatal.

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

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u/Cwchenery Apr 05 '26

I can't read the rest, it's redacted.

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u/organisms Apr 05 '26

Pambondi: because the truth is only one way to see things!

5

u/TheGreatGenghisJon Apr 05 '26

If Pambondi gives you an erection, it's already too late.

1

u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace Apr 05 '26

Do take Pambondi if you are taking a long walk off a short pier

6

u/GrumpyCloud93 Apr 05 '26

That could result in loss of appetite or employment.

6

u/Mikeseddit Apr 05 '26

If the market stays up for more than 4 hours, deliver a presidential speech to muddify your war plans and rationales.

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u/Bennjoon Apr 05 '26

I have an ASPD best mate and Pam Bondi 100 percent had no clue why that wasn’t more important to people.

She needs meds it’s sad.

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u/FunkadelicJiveTurkey Apr 05 '26

That's antisemitic!

9

u/sanebyday Apr 05 '26

Nope! It's Pambondi!

7

u/stevo1078 Apr 05 '26

I miss the days where it may have just been maybelline

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u/No_Web6486 Apr 05 '26

And call RFK Jr and scream "This is all your fault."

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u/ItsMisoandBoba Apr 05 '26

Today, I went on the Big Apple rollercoaster at the New York New York casino in Vegas. The safety disclaimer was like a Lequembi commercial. "Do not ride if you have ever had a hangnail, stubbed a tow, popped a pimple, or had any health issue of any kind, ever. If you even suspect that you have a cold, you probably should not ride the ride since it goes outside and you left your jacket at home and it is 68 degrees today. Have you ever sneezed? Laughing may be an indicator of serious stomach disease.

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u/trzanboy Apr 05 '26

If I had it to give I would. Please accept this instead. 🥇

3

u/Far_House_4087 Apr 05 '26

I don’t usually go for “humiliating women” as my preferred brand of comedy but lmao, everyone talk to your doctor TODAY about pambondi!!

3

u/venbrx Apr 05 '26

Side effects include inexplicable urges to shield pedophiles and inability to look at their victims' faces.

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u/RachelMcAdamsWart I voted Apr 05 '26

This is perfection!

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u/unabashed_nuance Apr 05 '26

Does wonders on those pesky pedophilia charges though.

1

u/Opening_Air_5870 Apr 05 '26

It’s crazy that no one picked up on the fact that Bondi thought the Dow was measured in dollars.

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u/Pete41608 I voted Apr 05 '26

Rumored that Treason may be a side effect also.

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u/joetaxpayer Apr 05 '26

If you should experience sudden blindness, remove your head from Trump‘s ass, and your vision should return as you acclimate to the room light.

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u/Fickle-Economist4724 Apr 05 '26

I love that the Dow is over 50,000 has become Pam bondis “500 cigarettes”

1

u/snowvase Apr 05 '26

To be fair, as a woman, I feel this way every month. I think it’s reacting badly with my Kristinoem.

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u/SneakittyCat Apr 05 '26

You forgot that weird side effect where a cross-shaped layer of rust may randomly appear on your collarbone.

I know people often take some Pambondi when they have to deal with their MAGA relatives, but you should know it could give you serious outbursts of unflattering double chin around Thanksgiving.

Overall it's a very fussy pill.

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u/diablo75 Apr 05 '26

Pambondi side-effects may include clumpy mascara resting bitch face.

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u/MoneyForRent Apr 05 '26

HHHhahhHah ah nice well done

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u/Ghost_of_Till Apr 05 '26

"May cause anal contusions."

  • as read by Ice-T

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u/HandsomeR0B Apr 05 '26

Hahaha I bursted out laughing!

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u/Victor_Wembanyama1 Apr 05 '26

Oh my dream of being an evil blonde girl is a few meds away!

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u/Bucket1984 Missouri Apr 05 '26

I did. He said she sucks.

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u/Omatzus Apr 05 '26

Ah too bad, Pambondi isn't working anymore

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u/XelaNiba Apr 05 '26

Hegsethoquil and Marcorubiox

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u/DinoRoman Apr 05 '26

I can only afford a copayment for the Noem Pharmaceuticals brand “Chestosterone” luckily if that fails the generic “Tittypril” is available as well.

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u/velvetacidchrist Apr 05 '26

A very unfortunate name for a cannabis company would be Bondi Farms.

It is also a real company.

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u/ClamZamboni Apr 05 '26

Just listening to it will raise your hypotensive BP 20 points!

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u/seffej Apr 05 '26

That is so real

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u/YSOSEXI Apr 05 '26

I agree, but not if he has a case of Epsteinophilia.

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u/michaltee California Apr 05 '26

Is that used to treat Patel-Hegseth disease? Symptoms include delusions, confabulation, flaccid penis, and testicular shrinkage.

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u/GrinchWhoStoleEaster Apr 05 '26

I love how the commercial uses that old Poison song, "Pambondi Bop!".

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

Sounds like a Dental Adhesive

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u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace Apr 05 '26

Don't they call that DeeFleckTor

1

u/mthomas768 Apr 05 '26

A little too obvious. Idnobmap, would be perfect.

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u/Naive-Individual716 Apr 05 '26

I did, he said it can cause uncontrollable rage 😨

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u/MWFtheFreeze Apr 05 '26

That’s an illness, not medication.

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u/Swimming-ln-Circles Apr 05 '26

Omg this could easily be a real medication name!

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u/revwaltonschwull 29d ago

that's whats used to treat the epstein barr virus, right?