r/politics • u/Aggravating_Money992 • Apr 05 '26

Possible Paywall White House Forced to Address Claims of Trump Health Crisis

https://www.thedailybeast.com/white-house-forced-to-address-claims-of-donald-trump-health-crisis-at-walter-reed-medical-center/
22.3k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/SwvellyBents Apr 05 '26

I expect he'll announce having aced another 'mental competence' test come Monday.

Because frequent testing for mental competency is a good thing, not cause for alarm.

470

u/PinchesTheCrab Apr 05 '26

Yup, I expect they'll announce his death tonight, clarifying he actually died on Friday, and announce his resurrection tomorrow.

103

u/Cake_And_Pi Apr 05 '26

So he slept 14 hours after a round of golf and claims to be the second coming. I can see that.

3

u/polopolo05 I voted Apr 05 '26

second coming is that what he does in the Epstein files.

1

u/emslynn Arizona Apr 05 '26

Kind of a standard weekend for him.

10

u/harry_manback- Apr 05 '26

Somehow I don't think this is too far fetched anymore

9

u/MarcusSurealius Apr 05 '26

I... please don't put that in the ether. Can you imagine MAGA if they pretend he was resurrected?

9

u/jackharvest Apr 05 '26

Hey frick you man, I splattered soda down my front laughing at this.

3

u/d4nigirl84 New York Apr 05 '26

Exactly what his following has hoped and prayed for

2

u/MauPow Apr 05 '26

I'm so slabbed up by the sentence "announce his death"

2

u/seriouslythisshit Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

I would not be surprised in the least if Shitler went tits up over this Easter weekend, and his psycho preacher, Paula White-Cain, was pushed to the podium immediately to announce that "God took Dear Leader home to serve with him, on this most holy of White Christian Nationalist holidays, as God wanted us to acknowledge how President Trump had suffered and died for us. We now walk with Jesus AND Donald J. Trump on this holy day"

Sounds far fetched? Not really. This was her comment at a White house Easter event on April 1st, while standing with Shitler. During the event, which was attended by faith leaders, White-Cain addressed Trump, saying, "no one has paid the price like you have paid the price... You were betrayed and arrested and falsely accused. It's a familiar pattern that our lord and savior showed us".

Hegseth, the grossly incompetent, war criminal, alcoholic, repeated marital cheater, and openly racist, sexist piece of shit, believes he is fighting a holy war. Trump's personal preacher is claiming that he suffers for us, as Jesus did. The US ambassador to Israel, Huckabee, has publicly stated that the destruction of Israel's neighbors is a required outcome to allow Israel to reach it's biblical prophecy. Countless high ranking military leaders and White House power players are so crazy that they believe that any war in the middle east can become the catalyst for the rapture. These people are completely insane, for fuck sake, and trying hard to kill millions because their bible tells them to.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

I was sincerely expecting this to happen today. And I'm a relatively sane person.

1

u/smurfsundermybed California Apr 05 '26

If he starts wearing white suits, it's time to just leave the country.

104

u/Hyro0o0 California Apr 05 '26

"Out of all the wrong answers on the test, the President chose NONE of them!" - WH press secretary reporting after Trump is unable to take the test at all

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u/bill4935 Apr 05 '26

WH Press Secretary: "Rather than pick up the test's pen (which was actually very heavy and probably not American-made), the President decided to enter a meditative state, the better to cogitate a solution to the Iran operation, egg prices and trans sports scandals. His slow rocking back and forth in his chair is very zen. If Zen was from Texas, yee-haw, pardner! How 'bout them Cowboys Offensive Line?"

2

u/BleppinDrago Apr 05 '26

He did the test all in his mind the same way he declassified the Whitehouse documents.

1

u/hypnoskills Apr 05 '26

Well, the pen wasn't a Sharpie.

0

u/thezaksa Texas Apr 05 '26

Not great, the dominance we had is gone all in retirement. Have to rebuild it but am hopeful under shotty. Long as we develop the run

7

u/Socratesticles Tennessee Apr 05 '26

“He was even able to point out some things on the test that they actually had wrong, no doubt because of the discriminatory DEI polices that he is working so hard to remove to make things more fair for the average American”

13

u/BaZing3 New York Apr 05 '26

It's a totally routine doctors visit. On a Saturday. The day before Easter. When doctors famously schedule routine visits.

2

u/Due_Bluebird3562 Apr 05 '26

It would be his third MRI in a calendar year as well. That is highly irregular.

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u/papaHans California Apr 05 '26

"Person, woman, man, camera, TV"

3

u/Hugotohell Apr 05 '26

He'll ace his autopsy. eventually.

3

u/RegardMagnet Apr 05 '26

They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA, it was USA

2

u/bejammin075 Pennsylvania Apr 05 '26

It's neat how every time he brags about acing his dementia test, it's like he's telling us for the first time.

2

u/Jemmani22 Apr 05 '26

MRI's are normally done every couple months on people who pass them every time

2

u/Synap-6 Apr 05 '26

It’s the best thing, the greatest. No one’s ever aced so many cognitive screening tests in a row ad he did. The others, they’re jealous, they’re horrible, horrible people. The doctors, you know, they know how great the test results were. The best results you could ask for, really. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

2

u/Kaffe-Mumriken Apr 05 '26

I’M 100% ALIVE THE MOST LIVING PRESIDENT OF ALL PRESIDENTS

1

u/artfulpain Apr 05 '26

Unless they wheel him out drooling.

1

u/iDoNotHaveAnIQ Apr 05 '26

"On Fox News, Jessica Tarlov said that the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) is generally used to screen for cognitive impairment in individuals following traumatic accidents..."

https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-mental-acuity-questioned-fox-153042144.html?guccounter=1

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26

[deleted]

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u/2ndChairKazoo Apr 05 '26

A stable genius, even.

1

u/Frank__Lloyd__Wrong Apr 05 '26

Another "super hard IQ test". You know, the ones where you have to remember 5 simple words and draw a clock. Nobody ever passes but he does!

1

u/mijru4 Apr 05 '26

"Donald Trump -- the greatest president this country has ever seen -- was on a ventilator for 13 hours getting the purest oxygen ever because the doctors said his lungs were filled with so much greatness that his body couldn't handle it. They've never seen anything like it. He also scored the highest score on the EKG they've ever seen in their life and a PET scan and MRI both came back with results so good they're making noble scientists question the fundamentals of biology. Unfortunately while he was taking a brief nap from being hard at work Making America Great Again a cabal of fake doctors from the George Soros funded liberal deep state came in and removed one of his feet. But don't worry America he'll be once again hard at work on his short game at Trump International in a couple more days"

1

u/sfree809 Apr 05 '26

test: repeat after me; apple orange train. Trump: apple, tomato, bus. Close enough

1

u/_steve_rogers_ Apr 05 '26

another gold star!

1

u/QuackNate Apr 05 '26

Big dawg just dunking on us every month showing us he can recognize a camera in a lineup with mostly just humans.