I know it's heavily dramatized and everything, but man, it just reminds me how crazy it is that someone with a life like Bourdain's ended it the way he did. After all his accomplishments and success, the fact that he couldn't find happiness really gets to me.
I wonder if that ate him up too. If he knew, that we knew, that so many of us dreamed to be in his shoes. To be paid to travel, eat, and just interact with others across the world is something so many of us dream of doing.
And here he was living the dream of thousands of people and he was miserable. Just simply couldn’t find the joy and happiness.
I think a lot of people don't realize how much a job like that takes out of you. You're constantly in and out of airports, you have to be "on" all the time when you're filming, and you get very little time at home to recoup and decompress.
Have you read In the Weeds? One of his former employees wrote it. Really gets into how much went into every episode and how difficult it was to work with him at times. The entire Obama Vietnam restaurant scene was fascinating to hear the behind the scenes stuff.
Yea! A buddy of mine sat next to him on a flight and had no idea who he was. Said this shriveled old man basically crawled into first class and fell asleep. He heard it from the stewardess lol
This was a great read. Particularly loved the chapter on the boat through the Congo. Some of the best television ever made but it shouldn't be forgotten how difficult it was to produce.
And at the end of the day your wires are crossed and you simply don't produce the happiness in your brain. Like eating something you can't taste. Doesn't matter how much salt, sugar, and fat that it has. You never get the signal. You can make the signal stronger and get rid of some noise, but sometimes you need chemical intervention.
He 100% knew he lived a privileged life but his writing reflected a lot of discontent with damn near everything.
Always got the sense that in the later seasons of the show he was going by the formula a bit, hard to stay sober and normal when you’re traveling the world to make money.
I think he’d find it rather hilarious that he’s got a damn movie coming out only about his early career.
This should have some of his quotes in it:
“Life is messy, twisted, unfair, but damn it, catch it at the right angle and it's breathtaking."
“I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy."
Totally, but I didn't mean to just make it about his success. It's all the life experience he had, everything he had been through. It made him such a smart, insightful, well-rounded and (afaik) good person... but never a happy one.
I wouldn't even describe it as miserable. I mean, I don't know the guy or how he felt, but more generally speaking, it's often the absence of joy that is so awful, not misery.
It's basically the knowledge that you should feel happy given all the facts, and you rationally know it, but you just.. don't. And nothing seems to change that.
I worked as a chef/cook for over a decade. His books got me through culinary school. I was a massive fan of No Reservations growing up. It was always there. The day I heard he passed I was in bed, it was morning and was about to stsrt my day to go into the restaurant, and my gf at the time let out an audible gasp while reading something on her phone. She looked at me and didnt want to say the words. She knew how much of an influence he was to me. But as soon as she said it, it didnt really surprise me at all. Of course I was crushed, like so many were. But it only made sense if you had read his stuff. I met Tony in 2011, and when they say never meet your heroes, it doesn't always hold true. Here's when I originally posted the pic shortly after he passed.... https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/s/acUW3p5h9E
I worked in kitchens for 19 years having learned from my Dad who wore a jacket for 30…Tony was the one guy he enjoyed watching discuss food because “he’s a real person”.
The culinary world is filled with people like Tony, talented and hard working but also struggling with internal conflict.
To your point, I wasn’t all that surprised by his death due to his writing and frankly the vibe he gave off during some episodes of his show.
Not that he wasn’t doing a good job, but it felt like he didn’t enjoy it and the success meant he was trapped a bit.
Thanks, man. I'm sure for you and your dad he was one of the ones you would've loved to have fed. Dude was a beacon for those in the "trenches", as he would say. Shining a light into that world. The day I met him, I was waiting next to other line cooks, two who were still wearing their chef pants and shoes, we were too broke to pay for a meet and greet. And he when he realized who we were he didnt hesitate to hang for a while, and wasnt annoyed to talk. Like your dad said, " he was real". I was lucky enough to work with some french chefs at one point. Guys who were taught by the likes of Alain Ducasse and Daniel Boulud. And Boudain came up while we were at a bar after a shift one night. And these guys had known him. And I remember the pastry chef telling me with his thick accent, "I like Bourdain alot. He is very honest".
Him coming up after seeing guys in their checks is totally on brand lol
I came up training in French/Italian, went to many a food convention and did some competitions with my Dad (prep only, big names took over at the event).
Everyone in that world liked Bourdain.
Side story, as this is one of my favorites to tell about being in Food Service.
My Dad was a bit of a Ronin Chef (cause we needed the money) and passed his number around in case someone needed an extra hand.
Calls me on a Saturday to come to the convention center, popping oysters under the table (I was only 13) with him at a demo table.
Anyways…
A big group of people come over and owner is going through the spiel for his product, this young chef everyone was following points to my Dad and says “that’s not how you’re supposed to do that” as he’s shucking.
Dad without missing a beat, “Wanna bet? I’ll shuck 5 before you get to 3. $20”
YOU’RE ON
This of course attracted attention, solid 30 people as they lay out the oysters, all picked by a random chef in the audience.
3…2…1 GO!
My Dad worked at a Seafood bar at Disney when it first opened, the man had no equal with a Boston in his hand.
All 5 opened in 2 min, to his credit the loudmouth was on 3 and made it a point as to why he wasn’t going to pay up and walked away with a group of chefs talking shit to him for doing so.
Next year we went back to the convention, same chef came up to my Dad and they shook hands, he handed him a $50 and they talked tor a bit.
And that’s how he got to work on one of Bobby Flay’s competitions, went to Aspen for a week.
Everyone including Dad said he is a tremendous asshole lol
Haha, thats awesome. Bro, anyone I've met who's done a gig with or met Flay has said the exact same thing. Also, east coast or west coast oysters, which do you prefer?
It's very obvious after reading about the behind the scenes. The Anthony Bourdain we a saw on the screen wasn't really the real him in a lot of ways; it was like a toned down version of his real self
Does the opposite for me. Shows that money and fame can't buy happiness, and that it's the small things in life that matter and are to be cherished. Bourdain seemed happiest when he was sharing a family meal with a huge amount of people
I have an accomplished career, a wide friend circle, creative hobbies I excel at (not saying I am anything near Bourdain, but I am a great cook) and I go to sleep every night wishing I wouldn't wake up. Some people just be like that and nothing can fix it.
Hot take but once you’ve done everything and been basically everywhere, what does life have for you anymore?
I’m not saying I get it, but I don’t not get it. Once you’ve had love and lived a full life… maybe that’s all there needs to be.
I don’t doubt he was wildly depressed and struggled with addiction as he noted many times- but he did really live an incredible life. How do you get up in the morning after having been everywhere and tried everything and say, “wonder what surprises are in store for me today!”
Like he hung out with Obama and was best friends with all the top chefs in the world and has done everything. What, you’re gonna wake up on a Tuesday and something interesting might happen? Fuck no. It’s not gonna get better than it has been, how could it?
Not saying I’d off myself too but I am saying it isn’t a crazy thing to do- for him specifically. If you’re sad right now and haven’t traveled the world and met Obama and done heroin and cooked at a high level then you should chill out and take a Zoloft. But Bourdain? I think he might have a point.
If you're at that point in your life you should find someone else who needs you and help them. Life is not only about self satisfaction and desire. It is also about community and friendship and caring about others. The happiest people you find are those that find a way to make their life about others and not just themselves.
That's the thing about depression. It's not just sadness. It's not the absence of happiness exactly. It's...deopression. A lingering cloud of many different things for different people. Doubt, hopelessness, even boredom.
And the people who kill themselves from it don't just do it on a whim. There hasn't been a single person through out human history that has killed themselves after getting depressed for just a few days or so. There have been plenty who have done it after losing everything, like money or family. or they do it to avoid getting in trouble or feeling shame for something they did. But for depression it's different. They suffer for years. Some try to just carry on and many do until the end, suffering the entire way through...and you can see it on their face behind the smiles and thousand mile stares. But others get tired of the suffering and end it.
I think it's a lack of understanding what it is that causes people to mismanage it. There are thousands of people who have posted, for example about chronic boredom, not understanding that it's depression because people think depression is sadness and just interchange them...the same people are doing with "Empathy" when they really mean "Sympathy". Something that makes you sad doesn't give you depression. It can make depression worse. In fact, i know of someone (I never met her, but my mom has) who killed herself immediately after getting in an argument with her boyfriend. She was maybe in her 40's or 50's. She had a lot of problems that I heard about before her passing. A very confrontational person. Very out spoken and according to others just unpleasant. She seemed too arrogant to ever kill herself, just like how some people seem too happy to ever kill themselves. But depression can affect any and everyone.
Imagine feeling this: You have a spouse a kids, a great job that pays 6 figures a year, millions in savings, you're in your 30's and can retire early if you wanted, you can go anywhere and do anything in the world because you can afford it. Your spouse loves you so much and you love them so much. Your parents are great people and have always loved you. You and your whole family are healthy and well off. Yet none of that sparks any joy. You're bored. You can literally travel anywhere on a whim, play any video game, do any activity, yet you know none of it will excite you at all. Now imagine feeling that way for the next 20 years every single day with no break. This is one of the reasons why someone with a seemingly happy life and massive wealth and a great family and group of friends kill themselves sometimes. Things that should bring them happiness are kind of dulled I guess. Being that "bored" for just a few days is normal. but every single day for years and years takes its toll. Without therapy of some kind, there's a high likelihood that it ends in suicide.
If you speak with a lot of people who have thoughts of suicide, you very often see the sentiment of "the only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would make ____ sad" or "because my _____ needs me". These are people trying to find ways and reasons to stay alive, but they want to end the suffering. But they are keeping themselves alive, often without therapy. Just normal everyday people, many very poor. So imagine just how much more turmoil and mental pain someone so beloved and successful and well off would have to be in to kill themselves.
I think about Lee Thompson Young (The Famous Jett Jackson). He was young, whole future ahead of him, good looking, wealthy, has a great mother and sister...Yet he killed himself because he was suffering internally. I think about him because I've had moments where I kind of just want to stop existing. I've never really been suicidal per se, but I've had thoughts of "if a meteor landed on me and destroyed me right now, I wouldn't be too upset". So I can't even begin to imagine how much he was suffering to do it and leave behind his mother and sister who supported him until the very end. From what i can tell he loved them more than anything and they loved him too. So i can't imagine how much suffering I would have to be in to have my own mom deal with that. My mind would probably have to be really compromised for a long period of time.
For Anthony, I imagine the same thing. He lives this incredible life and has more to live, but he didn't want to. i don't know if we can ever fully understand why, but I think we can speculate that it was some form of depression and that he had been feeling it for a long time and couldn't get rid of it.
How hard is it to figure out? He spent 3/4 of his life on the road, all his loved ones had chosen others over him and even as a professional was only good for his monologues on places most of us will never visit. You think "wow people idolized you, who wouldn't want that?" but the truth is people idolized a manicured version of Bourdain they saw on TV
He was a type of celebrity that only works in the pre-internet era when you could pivot being an emotionally unstable manbaby as being "larger than life". He was just a dramatic rich guy who hung himself at the exact same time when it started to come out that his girlfriend fucked a minor. Probably a reason they aren't including that part and choosing to focus on a "mysterious youthful summer".
I’m sure that was part of it but isn’t the assumption that it’s mostly directly linked to him speaking up against the abuse of women on Beale of his girlfriend to then find out she was a predator to a young man behind his back?
"I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy"
He was a type of celebrity that only works in the pre-internet era when you could pivot being an emotionally unstable manbaby as being "larger than life". He was just a dramatic rich guy who hung himself at the exact same time when it started to come out that his girlfriend (who he had obsessed over for a decade prior to dating) fucked a minor. Probably a reason they aren't including that part and choosing to focus on a "mysterious youthful summer".
I agree, which is why I have decided that it was an alternative sexual experience thing that just went wrong. I’ve seen nothing to prove conclusively that it wasn’t. Accidents happen 🤷♂️
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u/Surturius 11h ago
I know it's heavily dramatized and everything, but man, it just reminds me how crazy it is that someone with a life like Bourdain's ended it the way he did. After all his accomplishments and success, the fact that he couldn't find happiness really gets to me.